Chapter XXXII: Unburdening the Heart

"The resolve I have just made, my dear mother," wrote Ernestine, "is a dangerous one; I fear I did wrong to make it, but to whom can I turn for advice?

"To you, my dearest mother, I know, but it was while invoking your aid and protection that this idea occurred to me, and I feel that I must solve, at any cost, the doubts that so torment me.

"During the last few days many revelations have been made to me, some of such a sad and depressing nature that they seem to have upset me entirely, and it is with great difficulty, even now, that I can compose myself sufficiently to lay my heart bare to you, my kind and tender mother.

"For some time after my arrival in this house, I could speak only in terms of the highest praise of my guardian and his family, though sometimes in my secret heart I did censure them a little for the inordinate amount of flattery and attention they lavished upon me.

"This attention and these flatteries have not ceased; they have rather increased, if that were possible.

"My mental attributes, my character, and even my slightest word and act are praised in the most exaggerated way. As for my figure, my bearing, my personal appearance, and my every movement, they are all equally graceful, enchanting, divine,--in short, there is not a more attractive person in the world than I am.

"Saintly Mlle. Helena, who was never known to utter an untruth, assures me that I look like a madonna.

"Madame de la Rochaigue says, with what she terms really brutal frankness, that I am endowed with such rare distinction and elegance of manner, as well as so many charms of person, that I am sure to become the most admired woman in Paris some day, in spite of myself.

"And last, but not least, according to my guardian, a serious-minded and extremely thoughtful man, the beauty of my features and the dignity of my bearing give me a striking resemblance to the beautiful Duchesse de Longueville, so famous under the Fronde.

"And when one day, in my artlessness, I expressed astonishment at my resembling so many persons at the same time, do you know, my dearest mother, what the answer was?

"'It is very simple. In you, mademoiselle, the most diverse charms are united, so, in you, each person finds the attraction he prefers.'

"And these flatteries pursue me everywhere. If the hair-dresser comes to arrange my hair, never before in his life did he see such superb tresses.

"If I am taken to the milliner's,'What is the use of selecting any particular shape?' says that lady. 'With a face like mademoiselle's any style is equally charming and becoming.'

"The dressmaker declares that my figure is so wonderfully elegant that, dressed in a loosely fitting sack, I should drive the ladies most famed for their perfection of form wild with envy.

"It is the same with the shoemaker, who declares that he will have to make a special last for me, never having worked for the possessor of so small a foot as mine.

"The glovemaker outdoes him even, by declaring that I have the hand of a dwarf.

"So you see, my dear mother, I may almost consider myself a phenomenon, fit for a museum.

"Oh, mother, mother, it was not in this way that you spoke when, taking my face in your two hands, and kissing me on the forehead, you said:

"'My poor Ernestine, you are not beautiful, or even pretty, but the candour and sweetness of your disposition are so plainly written on your expressive face that I do not regret your lack of beauty.'

"And these words of praise, the only ones, I believe, that you ever gave me, I believed, and they made me very happy.

"But alas! the daughter you so fondly loved, has she remained worthy of you? I do not know. I am not sure.

"Then I knew nothing of doubts, suspicion, and mockery! And for several days past cruel presentiments have taken such a hold on me that I am as much astonished as alarmed.

"There must be something terribly insidious in the effects of flattery, for--to you I must confess all--though I have often thought the praises lavished upon me must be exaggerated, I wondered why it should be that so many different people should be so unanimous in praising everything I said and did.

"Nor is this all.

"The other day Madame de la Rochaigue took me to a concert. I soon perceived that everybody was looking at me. A number of persons even passed and repassed me several times, to examine me more closely, I suppose, though I was very simply dressed. Even when I come out of church I notice that every one stares at me. I mention the fact, and my guardian and his family say: 'Yes, you are right. Everybody does stare at you. See what a sensation you create everywhere!'

"And, in the face of this evidence, what can I say? Nothing.

"I must admit that all this flattery was becoming very pleasant to me. It surprised me less and less, and though it sometimes occurred to me how grossly exaggerated it was, I promptly silenced any misgivings on the subject, by saying to myself:

"'But if this is not true, why is the sensation I create--as my guardian says--so general?'

"Alas! I was soon to learn.

"This is what occurred:

"A gentleman of whom I have never dared to speak until now, has called at my guardian's house several times. This gentleman is M. le Marquis de Maillefort. He is deformed; he has a sardonic air, and he is always uttering the most sarcastic remarks or ironical compliments that sting worse than his sarcasms.

"On account of the antipathy he inspired in me, I usually found some excuse for leaving the drawing-room soon after his arrival, and I was encouraged in this by the persons around me, for they both feared and hated M. de Maillefort, though they always greeted him with pretended affability.

"Three days ago he was ushered into the room where I happened to be sitting alone with Mlle. Helena. To leave the room at once would have been too discourteous, so I remained, hoping to be able to make my escape in a few minutes.

"This short conversation then ensued between M. de Maillefort and Mlle. Helena. Alas! I have not forgotten a word of it.

"'Ah, good evening, my dear Mlle. Helena,' the marquis began, with his most sarcastic air. 'I am delighted to find Mlle. de Beaumesnil with you. She will derive such benefit from your pious conversation. She must profit so much by your excellent counsels, as well as by those of your worthy brother and your no less excellent sister-in-law!'

"'We hope so, indeed, M. le marquis, for we feel that we have a sacred duty to fulfil towards Mlle. de Beaumesnil.'

"'Unquestionably,' replied M. de Maillefort, in more and more sarcastic tones, 'a sacred duty to which you and yours will sedulously devote yourselves. Are you not continually repeating to Mlle. de Beaumesnil: "You are the richest heiress in France, and being that, you are necessarily the most accomplished and wonderfully gifted person in the world?"'

"'But, monsieur,' exclaimed Mlle. Helena, interrupting him, 'what you say--'

"'I leave it to Mlle. de Beaumesnil herself,' retorted the marquis. 'If she speaks the truth, will she not be obliged to admit that a continual chorus of praise is resounding around her, magnificently sustained by our dear baron, his wife, and you, Mlle. Helena,--a delightful chorus in which you all three sustain your parts with wonderful skill, with touching self-abnegation and sublime disinterestedness? All roles are alike to you. To-day, as leaders of the choir, you give the keynote to a crowd of Mlle. de Beaumesnil's admirers; to-morrow, brilliant soloists, you will improvise hymns of praise which will reveal the extent of your resources, the flexibility of your art, and, above all, the adorable sincerity of your noble hearts.'

"'I suppose, then, monsieur,' said Mlle. Helena, colouring, doubtless, with anger, 'I suppose, then, that I am to infer that our dear ward has none of the admirable traits and personal charms which are so generally conceded to her.'

"'Because she is the richest heiress in France,' replied M. de Maillefort, with an ironical bow to me; 'and in this character Mlle. de Beaumesnil has a right to the most outrageous as well as the most insulting flattery,--insulting, because it is so manifestly untrue, and dictated solely by baseness and cupidity.'

"I rose, and left the room, scarcely able to keep back the tears.

* * * * *

"I cannot forget his words, mother. They are continually ringing in my ears.

"M. de Maillefort's remarks were a revelation to me. My eyes were opened. I understand everything now.

"The praises of every sort and kind, the attentions and protestations of affection lavished upon me, the sensation I always create at entertainments, even the flattering remarks of my tradespeople, are all addressed to the richest heiress in France.

"Ah, mother, it was not without cause that I wrote you of the strange and unpleasant effect it produced upon me when, the day after my arrival in this house, I was so pompously informed that I was the mistress of a colossal fortune.

"'It seems to me,' I said to you then,'that I am in the situation of a person who possesses a valuable treasure, and fears that it may be stolen from him at any moment.'

"I understand this feeling now.

"It was the vague presentiment of this fear and distrust which has pursued me so relentlessly since the truth was thus harshly revealed to me.

"The praise bestowed upon me, the protestations of attachment made to me, are due solely to my wealth.

"Yes, mother, M. de Maillefort's spiteful remarks have really been productive of a great deal of good, though they did cause me so much pain, for they have enlightened me in regard to the incomprehensible but increasing dislike my guardian and his family were inspiring in my heart.

"This revelation at last explains the obsequiousness and servility which surround me on every side.

"And now, my dearly beloved mother, my confession becomes a painful one, even when made to thee. It may be because this atmosphere of deceit and adulation in which I am living has already contaminated me, or, perhaps, because I shrink in such dismay from the thought that all this praise and all these demonstrations of affection are due solely to my wealth, but I can scarcely credit so much baseness and deceitfulness, nor can I quite believe that I am so utterly unattractive, or that I am wholly incapable of inspiring any sincere and disinterested affection.

"And you see, my dearest mother, I no longer know what to think, not only of other people, but of myself. These doubts, this continual suspicion and distrust, are intolerable. I try in vain to devise some means of discovering the truth. From whom can I expect an honest reply?

"Nor is this all. Several recent events have rendered my situation still more trying.

"You shall judge of it.

"M. de Maillefort's sarcastic allusions in regard to the perfections which I must necessarily possess in my character of heiress have doubtless been repeated to my guardian and his wife by Mlle. Helena, or else some other event, of which I am ignorant, has induced those around me to disclose projects of which I had no previous knowledge or even suspicion, and which have increased my distrust and uneasiness a thousandfold."

Mademoiselle was here interrupted in her writing by two cautious raps at her door.

Surprised and almost terrified, as in her preoccupation she had forgotten the subject of her late conversation with her governess, the orphan asked, in trembling tones:

"Who is it?"

"I, mademoiselle," replied Madame Laine's voice.

"Come in," said Ernestine, remembering now.

"What is the matter?" she asked, as her governess entered.

"I have some good news for mademoiselle. My hands are all bloody, you see, but that doesn't matter."

"I see," cried Ernestine, greatly alarmed. "What has happened? How did you hurt yourself so? Here, take this handkerchief and stanch the blood."

"Oh, it's but a mere scratch, mademoiselle," replied the governess, heroically. "In your service, I would brave death itself."

This exaggeration cooled Mlle. de Beaumesnil's compassion very considerably, and she replied:

"I believe in your courageous devotion, of course, but pray bind up your hand."

"If mademoiselle desires it, of course, but this scratch is of no consequence, for the door is open, mademoiselle. I succeeded in prying out the staples of the padlock, and in removing an iron bar that also secured the door, which opens into the street exactly as I supposed."

"You may be sure that I shall reward you, my dear Laine, for this--"

"Oh, do not speak of rewarding me, I implore you, mademoiselle. Am I not more than paid in the pleasure of serving you? But mademoiselle will excuse me, I hope, for coming back contrary to her orders, but I was so delighted to have succeeded."

"On the contrary I am very grateful for the zeal you have manifested. So you think we can count upon carrying out our plans to-morrow?"

"There isn't the slightest doubt of that, now, mademoiselle."

"Then have a very simple white dress ready for me to wear to-morrow evening, and as soon as it is dark you and I will go to Madame Herbaut's. And once more let me remind you that I shall expect you to exercise the greatest caution."

"Mademoiselle need have no anxiety on that account. Has mademoiselle any further orders?"

"No, I only desire to thank you again for your zeal."

"Then I will bid mademoiselle good night."

"Good night, my dear Laine."

The governess left the room and Mlle. de Beaumesnil resumed her writing.