Chapter I

I never heard of Ruislip, I never saw its name,
Till Underground advertisements had brought it into fame;
I've never been to Ruislip, I never yet have heard
The true pronunciation of so singular a word.

I'd like to go to Ruislip; I'd like to feast my eyes
On "scenes of sylvan beauty" that the posters advertise;
But, though I long to view the spot, while I am in the dark
About its name I dare not face the booking-office clerk.

Suppose I ventured "Riz-lip" and in answer to his "Eh?"
Stammered "Ruse-lip, Rise-lip, Rees-lip," just imagine how he'd say,
"Well, where _do_ you want to book to?" and the voices from behind,
"Must we wait until this gentleman has ascertained his mind?"