Chapter II: Part 2

"And after our traditional Yule-tide offerings are over; after the preposterous claims of the postman and the lamp-lighter have been liquidated by liquor or satisfied by sixpences; then can we forget that besides this private bounty we also have a duty to our country? Lives there the man with soul so dead, Whose heart within him has not bled, And who, quite promptly has not fled, at mention of that grandest of Nineteenth Century inspirations, the Jubilee Imperial Institute? The Imperial Institute is----" (Here mention what it is. If you don't quite know, you can count upon none of your readers being any the wiser. Then add appeals for cash, a few more Yule-tide common-places, and a general and genial wind-up.)

* * * * *

When a judgment is re-versed, ought not the original to have been in rhyme?

* * * * *

NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.

ABSURD to a Degree, 13

Actor's Progress (The), 203

Adam Slaughterman, 88

Addio, Adelina! 286

Advice Gratis, 246

Albert Hall Concert, 244

All in Play, 49, 88, 100, &c.

All the Difference, 82, 222

"All the Talents," 300

Almost too Good to be True, 251

Alteram Partem, 278

Amen! 253

American China, 146

American Chorus, 249

Another "Butler;" or, A Thorne in his side, 301

Another Chance for Joe and Jesse, 215

Arms and the (Police) Man, 17

'Arry at the Sea-side, 111

'Arry on Angling, 45

'Arry on his Critics, 280

'Arry on Law and Order, 249

'Arry on Ochre, 169

Artist's Holiday (The), 94

At Hawarden, 226

At Home with Atoms, 114

At the Lyceum, 26

At the Naval Review, 30

At the Oval, 61

Autumn Lay (An), 189

BABES in the Christmas Wood (The), 267

Backing Baco, 126

Bacon Again, 288

Bacon v. Shakspeare, 286

Bad News for Tea-Drinkers, 192

Ballade of the House (A), 82

Ballade of the Timid Bard, 185

Ballet (The), 97

Bard at Henley (The), 5

Barr Drink (A), 137

Bartlett's Baby, 214

Battle of the Way (The), 157

"Bearing of it lies in the Application" (The), 219

Bicyclists of England (The), 145

Big Work and Little Hands, 184

Bishop and Port, 254

Black Affair at Hayti (A), 217

Blessings in Disguise, 29

Bob Sawyer Redivivus, 179

Bogey in Bond Street, 190

"Bon Voyage!" 93

Bounties to Foreigners, 205

Boy and the Bear (The), 142

Brigand's Doom (The), 129

Burly Gentleman (A), 232

Burning Question (A), 96

By a Canterbury Belle, 69

By George! 231

CASE-o'-my-Banker, 118

Chairs to Mend, 190

Change, 75

Change of Name, 106

Channel Talk, 81, 191

"Charles our Friend," 222

Chess-shire Cheese (A), 58

Chimes (The), 294

Christmas Crimes, 310

"Christmas is Coming!" 243

Circular Note (A), 293

Circus Performances, 117

Clear as Crystal; or, All about it, 29

Cloud of Yachts (A), 193

"Cold id by Doze," 196

Complaint of the Cockney Clerk (The), 167

Confessor's Costume (A), 244

Conscientious Apparition (The), 298

Conventional Politeness, 210

Cornet and Piano, 301

Correct Card (The), 62

Country Cousin's Vade Mecum (The), 46

Court Circular (The), 40

Crossing the Bar, 165

Cry from the Counting-house (A), 285

DARK Look-out (A), 17

Day Out (A), 26

Dear Departed (The), 298

Derby and Gladstone, 203

Despatch with Economy, 38

Difficult Navigation, 54

Disputed Will (A), 273

Doll-ce Domum, 309

Down-y Philosopher (A), 261

Dramatic Oratorio (A), 269

Drury Lane with Pleasure, 113

Duke's Motto (The), 123

Dustman and the Barge-Owner (The), 239

'EAT of Discussion (The), 145

Echoes from St. James's Palace, 178

Elegant Extracts by Eminent Men, 61

End of the Jubilee (The), 62

End of the Summer (An), 133

Epitaph (An), 40

Essence of Parliament, 11, 23, 35, &c.

Euthanasia, 203

Eviction, 74

Extra Special, 246

FATHER of the Man (The), 123

Ferdinand and Ariel, 76

"Finis Coronat Opus," 76

Fire and Water, 78

First in the Field, 112

Fishers (The), 219

Fistic Crack, Smith (The), 286

Fling at Fair Traders, 277

Floreat Maschera! 3

Fly and the Farmers (The), 106

For an Irish Trip, 118

Foreign Language Competition, 70

Forest Talk, 166

Foul is Fair, 40

Founded on Fact, 291

Four Noble Burglars (The), 216

From a Country Cousin, 303

From Mr. Henry Irving's Note-Book, 201

Furnishing Fictionists, 292

Future Position of the Army (The), 276

GARDEN, Lane, and Market, 5

Garden Talk, 153

Gentle Johnny Bull, 208

Gentle Shepherd! 173

"Gesta Grayorum," 16

Gladstone Bait (The), 230

"Glass Falling!" 66

Gog and Magog at the Ball, 9

Gold and Steel, 158

"Good Gun" (A), 90

Grandolph's Teachings, 21

Grasp your Thistle, 161

Great News for the Impecunious, 141

Great Thirst Land (The), 40

HAVOC! 61

Hazard of A-dye (The), 66

Heavy Lightning, 145

Henry Mayhew, 53

Hibernia to the Queen, 9

Hints for the Unemployed, 202

Hint to the Howlers (A), 113

His First Appearance at the Café des Ambassadeurs, 218

Holiday Hints, 105

"Homes in the Hills," 102

"Home, Sweet Home!" 12

House and Home, 129

How Then? 166

How to Escape the Fog, 258

Humility, 221

Hydropathic Art, 278

Hygienic, 153

IMPERIAL Institutors, 204

Important Summing-Up (An), 255

In Convocation, 24

Infant Phenomenon (The), 306

Ingratitude of Grandolph (The), 227

Insurer's Phrase-Book (The), 77

In their Crackers, 297

In the Nick of Time, 292

Invitation (An), 87

Irish Net Profit, 108

"Irish Prosecutions," 183

JACK'S Response, 38

Jaw-holding, 220

Jenny Lind, 219

Jest in Earnest, 63

Jills in Office, 4

Joe's Jaunt, 189

Jupiter Tonans! 102

KEPT In, 250

Knight Thoughts, 197

LADIES' Law, 65

Lady Godiva and her Portraits, 14

Laissez-Faire, 110

Land Measure, 73

Lane and Garden, 33

Larks and the Roses (The), 261

Larks for Legislators, 34

Last of the Go-he-cans (The), 221

Last (Signal) Man (The), 162

Last Visit (but One) to the Academy (The), 9

Latest Addition to Fairy Land, 250

Latest and Best from Berlin (The), 270

Latest from Lord's (The), 2

Latest Street Improvement, 15

Lawful (?) Latitude, 84

Lay of Lawrence Moor! 292

Learned Protest (A), 297

Learning the Language, 117

Legion of Dishonour (The), 182

Lesson for the Day (The), 242

Lesson of the Royal Review (The), 28

Letter-Bag of Toby, M.P., 173, 184, 196, &c.

Lichfield House of Call (A), 180

Light from the Wind, 133

Lighting the Dublin Beacon, 258

Line for Browning (A), 237

Literary Find (A), 252

Loaded with Presents, 174

"Long expected come at Last!" 5

Lord Mayor's Day in Dublin (A), 170

Lord Salisbury's Shakspeare, 273

Lords and Ladies, 21

Lost Record (The), 130

MAGAZINES in Bulk, 205

Making it Easy, 42

Manners and Customs of the City of London, 228

Marble Arch (The), 73

"Margarine," 34

May in November, 242

Measure for Measure, 96

Medical New Year's Day (The), 166

Messenger of Peace (The), 186

"Mi Lor Maire," 240

Mixed Pickles; or, A Very Late Party, 14

More Advice Gratis, 130

More Jills in Office, 17

More Realism, 221

More Reminiscences, 232

Morning's Reflections (The), 157

Mr. Gladstone on the Fifth of November, 208

Mr. Punch's Manual for Young Reciters, 25, 37, 64, &c.

Muse in Manacles (The), 192

"My Lawyer," 26

Mysterious Paper (A), 225

NAPPY Holiday (A), 228

Necessary Explanation (A), 278

Negative Results, 238

Ne Plus Ulster, 191

New, and Bad, "Hatch" (The), 6

New North-West Passage (The), 174

New Quixote (The), 194

New Sixpence (The), 274

Newton and the Apple, 18

New Version, 231

New Wersion of an Old Song (A), 72

New Year Mems, 305

New Year's Card (A), 302

Not a "Deus ex Machinâ," 150

(Not at all) Bad Homburg, 155

(Not so) Bad Homburg, 143

Nottingham v. Sunderland, 201

Novel Reader's Vade Mecum (The), 105

Nu Dikshonary (The), 165

Nuggets in North Wales, 304

O'BRIEN'S Breeches, 274

Obviously, 237

Octopus of Romance and Reality (The), 171

Official Object Lessons, 22

Of the Maske-aline Gender, 28

Old Doggerel Adapted, 22

Oldest Sketching Club in the World (The), 270

"On his Own Hook!" 114

On the Stump, in Two Senses, 141

On the Wing, 138

On the Wrong Scent, 270

Open Question, 264

Operatic Confusion, 1

Our Advertisers, 149, 197, 209

Our Booking-Office, 165, 180, 192, &c.

Our Christmas Booking-Office, 281

Our Debating Club, 245, 268

Our Exchange and Mart, 49, 69

Our Ignoble Selves, 121

Our Theatrical Picture-Posters, 275

PALACE of (Advertising) Art (The), 263

Papers from Pumphandle Court, 241

Parliamentary Ballyhooly (The), 62

Parliamentary Notices, 61

Paving the Way for him, 22

"Paying their Shot," 147

Peccant Member (The), 114

Philosopher's Stone (The), 252

Philosophy at the Popping-Crease, 25

Piccadilly Players, 293

Plea for the Birds (A), 125

Pleasant Traveller's Conversation-Book (The), 73

Plentiful Lac (The), 226

Pluck of Gggrrandddolllmann's Camp (The), 285

Point of Law (A), 161

Poor Old England! 162

Powers that be (The), 245

Pretty Centenarian (A), 122

Pretty Kettle of Fish (A), 154

Price of Support (The), 85

Private Banker's Pæan (The), 77

Privileged Pistols, 73

Pro Bono Publico, 197

Professor at the Dinner-Table (The), 287

Progressive Programme (A), 193

Promenading, 246

Protest (A), 186

QUEEN at Hatfield (The), 26

Quite a Little Holiday, 179, 193

Quite Chrismassy, 281

Quite English, 134

"Quite English, you know," 282

RALEIGH too Bad, 6

Rapture, 93

Rasher Theory of Bacon (A), 278

Rather Mixed, 232

Real Grievance Office (The), 170

Real "Inky Flood" (A), 110

Real Sporting Event (A), 118

Reasons Why, 246

Recent Prize-Fight (The), 303

Regular Cell (A), 137

"Re-Joyce!" 278

Reminiscence of the Naval Review (A), 52

Richard Jeffries, 93

Rise in Balloons (A), 89

Robert at Lillie Bridge, 159

Robert at Kilburn, 255

Robert at Marlow, 125

Robert at the Academy, 13

Robert at the American Exhibition, 10

Robert at the Guildhall Ball, 33

Robert at the Ministerial Bankwet, 81

Royalty at the Palace, 4

Robert at Spithead, 57

Robert on Lord Mayor's Day, 237

Robert on Luxury, 206

Robert on Spelling, 183

Robert on the French Tung, 309

"Room and Verge," 75

Roses in December, 289

Row in the Gallery (A), 221

SAILOR'S Slip (The), 57

Salubrities Abroad, 65, 76, 86, &c.

Sardou and Sara, 258

Scarcely Worth While, 25

Scarletina at Truro, 225

Schoolmaster of the Future (The), 234

Sea-Dreams, 70

Seeing his Way, 39

Shakspeare Up Again, 289

Shakspearian Question (The), 274

Shows Views, 185, 208, 220, &c.

Shrimp Cure (The), 240

Sidonian Shakspeare, 46

Sigh of the Season (The), 106

Social Romance, 304

Society Sibyls, 279

Some More Official Jills, 50

Some Notes at Starmouth, 97, 120, 132, &c.

Something to Swallow, 303

Song by Sir Abel Handy, 24

Songs at Stamboul, 21

Soothing Song for August (A), 69

So Seasonable, you know, 245

Sound Opinion (A), 285

"Special" Reasons, 243

Stable Companion (A), 167

Straight Tip (The), 277

Strange Adventures of Ascena Lukin-glass, 109

Strictly Private, 232

Studies from Mr. Punch's Studio, 41, 204

Summer Boating Song, 58

Summer Soliloquy (A), 108

Suspiria, 229

Swivellerianism, 309

TALE of Terror (A), 110

Testimonial (A), 18

Theatrical Noes to Queries, 168

Theatrical Reciprocity, 277

Theory and Practice, 233

To a Lady Dentist, 195

To his Mistress, 249

Tom Brown & Co.'s Schooldays, 256

Too Clever by Half, 293

Too Much of a Good Thing, 3

"To Tea-pot Bay and Back," 121

To the Incomplete (Political) Angler, 209

To the Modern Men of Gotham, 281

To the Unemployed, 245

Town Mouse's Trials (The), 231

Toying with Truth, 286

Traveller's Vade Mecum (The), 64

Turning to the Left, 169

'Twill Illume, 243

Two Goats (The), 180

Two Canons and Bean-Baggers (The), 258

Two French Presidents rolled into One, 254

Two Voices (The), 198

Tympanum (The), 156

UNCOMMON, 306

Unemployed, 298

VENICE Unpreserved, 98

Verb Sap., 33

Very Annoying, 26

Very like a Wales, 62

Very Pretty Tale by Anderson (A), 124

Vicarious Whipping, 159

Visit to "The Licensed Vistlers", 291

Virtues of Omission 99

Voces Populi, 201, 214, 226, &c.

WAIL of Messrs. Burt and Fenwick, 145

Wail of the Male (The), 126

Wail of the Wire (The), 242

Waiting his Orders, 300

Wanted, a Theseus, 150

Way of the Wind (The), 99

Well Protected, 280

Welsh for the Welsh, 73

What was it? 138

Whistling Relief (The), 106

Whitman in London, 101

Why he Went, 82

Woes of the Water Consumer (The), 250

Words in Season, 123

Worth Cultivating, 290

Worth Mentioning, 14

Would-be "Literary Gent" (A), 274

LARGE ENGRAVINGS.

All the Difference, 223

Chimes (The), 295

Convention-al Politeness, 211

Difficult Navigation, 55

"Final Tableau" (The), 127

"Fire Fiend" (The), 79

"Glass Falling!" 67

"Good Gun" (A), 91

Grand Old Janus (The), 247

Infant Phenomenon (The), 307

Jupiter Tonans! 103

Justice at Fault, 163

Lighting the Dublin Beacon, 259

Making it Easy, 43

Messenger of Peace (The), 187

New "Hatch" (The), 7

New North-West Passage (The), 175

Newton and the Apple, 19

"On his own Hook!" 115

On the Wrong Scent, 271

"Overlooked!" 139

"Quite English, you know," 283

Schoolmaster of the Future (The), 235

Spithead, July 23, 1887, 31

Two Voices (The), 199

Wanted, a Theseus, 151

SMALL ENGRAVINGS.

Academy Pictures, 9, 13

Alderman's Reason for drinking Champagne, 226

Amateur Vocalist at a Penny Reading (An), 306

'Arry, 'Arriet, and the Indians, 18

Artist and his Rich Patron (An), 94

Artists and School-Board Notice, 46

Aunty and the Policeman, 231

Babes in the Christmas Wood (The), 266

Baby Bottesini (The), 38

Baby Gorilla (The), 214

Birds on the Telegraph Wires, 155

Boatman's Opinion on a Dress-Improver, 126

Bogeyish Pictures, 190

Boulanger-Ferry Duel (The), 63

Brown's Boarhound and the Rabbit, 270

Brown's Experience of Squalls, 118

Bulgar Boy and the Bear, 142

Buying Grouse, 135

Cannibal Uncle (A), 70

Chamberlain and the Gladstone Bait, 230

Children's Day in the Country (A), 30

Chimney-Sweep not in Black, 130

Chinaman on Tricycle (A), 50

Chorister Boys with the Mumps, 217

Churchill at the Battle of the Estimates, 39

Clergyman and the Widow (The), 263

Colour of the Gorse (The), 111

Comte de Paris and his Manifesto, 134

Costumes for the Recess, 143

Country Ladies and Street Boys, 291

Cricket at Lord's, 12, 28

Dachshund's Sore Throat (A), 278

Darwinian Ancestor (A), 265

Débutante's Series of Suppers (A), 222

Disadvantage of being an Aristocrat, 110

Division Lobbies (The), 11

Don Chamberlain Quixote, 194

Duke evicting the Volunteers (The), 74

Dumb Crambo's School-Book Review, 37

East Countrymen on Disestablishment, 219

English and American Yachts, 157

Fag-end of the Session (The), 83

Family Starting for the Seaside, 90

Finding the Law Courts, 129

First Meet of the Season (The), 227

F.-M. Punch's Parliamentary Review, 23

Footman's Opinion of the Unemployed, 243

German Belle's English (A), 62

Gladstone and Jenny Jones, 290

Gladstone's Sale of Chips, 202

Gondolier and the Steam-launch, 98

Good-woodcuts, 48

Grandpapa, Johnny, and the Irish Stew, 298

Grand Parliamentary Cricket-Match, 71

Grouse Prospects, 60

Guest's Departure and the little Trees, 210

Hampstead Ponds (The), 198

Hansom Cab in a Hampstead Pond, 246

Honeymoon Riddle (A), 75

Host treading on Lady's Skirt, 213

House "Up" at Last (The), 131

How We Advertise Now, 262

Hungry Professor at a Pic-nic, 186

Improvised Butler and Distinguished Guest at Dinner-Table, 309

In Lowther Arcadia at Christmas Times, 299

Innings of the Two Bills, 2

"Instantaneous Photography" in Ireland, 238

Irish Waiter and Bow-legged Traveller, 195

Jack and Effie on the Sea-shore, 78

Japanese and the Lady's Feet (A), 267

John Bull and Miss Columbia, 122

John Bull and the Jubilee Gifts, 178

King of the Belgians and Ostend Fishery, 154

Ladies wilfully mistaking Identity, 42

Lady's Long-lasting Voice (A), 82

Laurie growing too rapidly, 159

"London Quite Empty!" 167

Long Sight or Short Arms? 203

Lordly Cecil and his Queen (The), 87

Lord Lytton translated into French, 218

Madame France's Next Fashion, 27

Making Good Use of the Square, 6

Mamma and her Selfish Daughters, 102

Matthews and the Police, 207

McScrew's Glasgow Friends, 179

Minister's Retort on Free Kirk Elder, 251

Missionary who couldn't convert the Sultan, 45

Miss Tomkyn's return from the Concert, 66

Modern Autolycus (The), 182

Money-making Schoolboy (The), 256

Mother-in-law's Return (A), 286

Mr. Punch's Parliamentary Naval Review, 35

Nelson as a Special Constable, 243

New French President (The), 279

Newly-titled Lord and an Old Chum, 225

New Shylock (The), 285

Nizan of Hyderabad and Britannia, 158

Northern Belle and Provincial Masher, 22

Not in Love--this Season, 274

Octopus of Romance and Reality, 171

Old Butler and Her Ladyship's Music, 234

Old Gent and Small Boy on Beach, 137

Old Lady and Cabman, 183

Old Lady forgets where she Dined, 26

Parliamentary Alpine Club, 59

Parliamentary Cattle-Show (The), 275

Parliamentary Harvest (The), 107

Pic-Nic Parties disturbed by Rain, 150

Pigheaded Attack on the Immortal Bard, 273

Pricing an Artist's Masterpiece, 3

Probable Pictures for Christmas, 250

Professional Cricketers, 53

Professor's Opinion on Long Words (The), 255

Public School Boy and his Grandfather, 123

Punch and the Police Recruit, 191

Punch as Apollo, 1

Punch at Portsmouth, 54

Railway Station Puzzle, 93

Record of the Session--Dead Heat, 133

Regretting not having eaten more Oysters, 294

Returning Home from Seaside, 162

Robert and Stingy Old Gent, 81

Rough Day at the Sea-side, 138

Sacred Music in French, 189

Salisbury awaking the Crocodile, 160

Science appealing to John Bull, 51

Scotch Wife and the Minister's Tricycle, 166

Seeing the Blondin Donkey, 99

Set Fair at Whitby, 114

Several Boxing Encounters, 287

Sharp Boy and Papa's Sixpence, 209

Sir W. V. Harcourt as Falstaff, 254

Sketching a Lady Sketcher, 174

Snap-shots for the Twelfth, 69

Society's Pugilistic Pet, 282

Speaker using the Birch (The), 47

Special Constable and Lady Cook, 258

Speechifying on Railway Platforms, 215

Street Puzzle--in the Strand, 117

Sultan's Appeal to Mr. Punch, 153

Teacher of Shorthand (A), 170

Times, Salisbury, and National League, 40

Toby's New Year's Greeting, 302

Tradesmen clearing Regent Street, 15

Triangular Duel of Operatic Managers, 21

Turning on Whiskey and Water, 106

Unemployed Man's Shovel (An), 206

University Coach and Volatile Pupil, 34

Unwelcome Lady Visitor (An), 86

Utilising a Theatrical Poster, 216

Watching a Couple on the Balcony, 58

Wearing a Real Engagement Ring, 239

Whim-buildin', 17, 29

Willow-Pattern Plate (The), 146

Wolff and the Sultan, 29

Wonderful Sporting Dog (A), 147

Woolly Landscape, but not Woolly Sheep (A), 303

LONDON: BRADBURY AGNEW & CO., PRINTERS WHITEFRIARS.

LONDON:

PUBLISHED AT THE OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET,

AND SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS.

1887.]

LONDON: BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS.

SCENE--_A snug and sequestered if cloudy corner of the Elysian Fields. Present, the Shades of_ SHAKSPEARE _and_ BACON, _engaged in reading_ Mr. DONELLY'S _egregious lucubrations, not without such mild and mitigated mirth as becomes the locality. To them enters a small and sprightly Personage, light-footed, but of seeming cis-Stygian solidity._

_Bacon_ } (_together_). Hillo! _Shakspeare_ }

_Mr. Punch._ _That_ sounds human. Savours rather of my own Fleet Street than of the realms of the _other_ Rhadamanthus. What cheer, sweet WILL? How fare you, Brother FRANCIS? [_Salutes courteously._

_Bacon._ 'Twere affectation to ask _who_ you are, Sir. The question, "How gat you here?" may perchance be more pertinent--and pardonable.

_Mr. P._ (_airily_). Oh, I had been for--say, the _x_th time--to see "Our MARY" in _The Winter's Tale_, and being more inclined for profitable talk than for sleep, I just took you on my way home.

_Bacon_ (_smiling_). Marry, Mr. PUNCH, were the statement of sequence equivalent to the explanation of causation, yours would be a most satisfactory answer.

_Shaks._ (_mildly_). Be not too scientifically scrutinising, Brother BACON. Mr. PUNCH, _Puck_ and _Ariel_ in one, is free of all places, lord of all latitudes, penetrator of all spheres, permeator of all elements.

_Mr. P._ True, sweet WILL! How much more catholic, in comprehension, as in charity, is the creative mind than the merely critical one!

_Bacon._ Humph! That sounds Sphinxian. HERACLITUS the Obscure was pellucid in comparison.

_Mr. P._ And yet, I warrant you, Master SHAKSPEARE here could play the "Diver of Delos" where your pundit's plummet should not find bottom. However, "broad-browed VERULAM," let not that brow's breadth cloud or corrugate in vexation at my persiflage. What do you read, Sir?

_Shaks._ "Words, words, words!"

_Mr. P._ "I mean the matter that you read."

_Shaks._ "Slanders, Sir." For the coney-catching rogue--one DONELLY--says here----but of course you know _what_ he says. [_The trio laugh Homerically, until the asphodels wag their white heads and convulse their starry corollas in sheer sympathy._

_Bacon._ By DEMOCRITUS, laughter in these latitudes is seldom enough of this sort and compass.

_Mr. P._ To succeed in shaking the sides--of BACON, _here_, is somewhat indeed, the greatest triumph, be sure, that awaits the incongruous Cryptogrammatist.

_Shaks._ Would that BEN JONSON were with us to join in the glorious guffaw.

_Mr. P._ Conceive Rare BEN being jockeyed into accepting _you_, his contemporary and tavern-companion, as the author of such "unconsidered trifles" as _Hamlet_ and _Lear_, _Othello_ and _Macbeth_, _The Tempest_ and _The Midsummer Night's Dream_! Wer't ever at the "Mermaid," VERULAM?

_Bacon._ Verily, Mr. PUNCH, I should like mightily to have joined in that company, just for once, and to have discussed the Cryptogram with the "Spanish great galleon" and the "English man-of-war" (as FULLER puts it), whom DONELLY now desires to knock, as it were, into one curiously composite craft. Did not this same maker of mare's-nests indite a fantastic tome, full of bottomless argument and visionary particularity, concerning that fabled island or continent of Atlantis, which the Egyptian priest told SOLON had been swallowed up by an earthquake?

_Mr. P._ Like enough, my Lord, like enough. Once a mare's-nester, always a mare's-nester. Nephelo-Coccygia was _terra firma_ compared with the elaborate but evanescent Cloud-Cuckoolands of riddle-reading theory-mongers.

_Shaks._ When OEDIPUS gets crotchet-ridden the sooner the Sphinx devours him the better.

_Mr. P._ True, O Swan! Let the Great Brethren of British Genius be brethren still--twins, if you please, but twain. Verily it might almost pass the might of Mother Nature to round two such splendid orbs into one. Rare BEN had his tribute for you also, my VERULAM. "No man ever spake more neatly, more purely, more weightily, or suffered less emptiness, less idleness in what he uttered." Might have been said of ME!

_Bacon._ Praise shared with you is praise indeed! But the language of the Realm of Phantasy--WILL'S own world--the speech of Arcady, of Arden, of shadowy Elsinore, of _Prospero's_ enchanted Isle--WILL'S native tongue--passeth many a league-long step beyond the "neatness" of the judgment-seat, or the "fulness" of the _Novum Organum Scientiarum_.

_Mr. P._ Well said, Wisdom!

_Shaks._ (_chortling softly_). Why, who knows? One day, perchance,--æons hence, of course,--some puzzle-headed pragmatist may propound the preposterous question, "Who wrote _Punch?_" From out the fathomless deeps of its many thousand wit-stored tomes the DONELLY of that dim and distant future may readily dip up, in his poor bucket, a Cryptogram, to show that they were produced by a scientific syndicate, including FARADAY and MILL, HUXLEY and HERBERT SPENCER, DARWIN and the Duke of ARGYLL. [_At the mention of the Olympian and autocratic Scottish Sciolist, Homeric laughter bursts forth anew in yet fuller force._

_Bacon._ Prithee, sweet WILL, don't! Shadowy sides can ache, I find, and then, what will Rhadamanthus think?

_Mr. P._ As Jupiter did when the adventurous Ixion intruded into Olympus, perhaps. Well, well, put aside that preposterous book, which, as you, my Lord BACON, said of the Aristotelian method, is "only strong for disputations and contentions, but barren of works for the benefit of the life of man," and, I may add, of immortals.

_Shaks._ (_yawning_). Not all reading, my FRANCIS, makes a full man--save in the sense in which one may be filled with the East wind. _My_ books were men. Not much that is novel in Nature, human or otherwise, to study in these shadowy realms. I miss the "Mermaid," and the mazy world which was my stage. DONELLY'S book is dull, however. Canst furnish us with a substitute, excellent Mr. PUNCH?

_Mr. P._ That can I, sweet WILL. To that end indeed came I hither. As a popular stage-character--not one of your own--saith, "I hope I don't intrude." Ah, I thought not; but you needn't try (ineffectually) to wring my hands off, the pair of you. Behold!!!!!!

As Mr. PUNCH reluctantly turned his back upon Elysium, he left the two Illustrious Shades, prone side by side and cheek by jowl upon an asphodel bank, eagerly and diligently perusing his

Ninety-Third Volume!

[Transcriber's Note:

All apparent printer's errors retained.

Italics denoted with underscores (_).]