Chapter I: Front Matter

PUNCH,

OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 99.

December 27, 1890.

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OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

The origin of the phrase, _Le Coup de Jarnac_, is interesting, and the story is well told by Mr. _MAC_DOWALL in Mac_millan's Magazine_. Good, this, for "The Two Macs."

In _The Argosy_, edited by Mr. CHARLES WOOD, there are two good most seasonable Ghost Stories, by CHARLES W. WOOD, the "Rev. F.O.W." The first is not new, as there is a similar legend attached to several old Manor Houses, one of a Sussex Family House, the Baron had first-hand, from a witness on the premises. It lacked corroboration at the time, and is likely to do so.

The Letters passing between a fine young English Cantab, "all of the modern style," and his family at home, are uncommonly amusing. _Harry Fludyer at Cambridge_ is the title of the book, published by CHATTO AND WINDUS. Well, to quote the ancient witticism in vogue _tempore EDOUARDI RECTI et DON PAOLO BEDFORDI_ (the great Adelphoi, or rather the great "Fill-Adelphians," as they were once called), "Things is werry much as they used to was" at Cambridge, and University life of to-day differs very little from that of yesterday, or the day before, or the day before that. "_Hæc olim meminisse juvabit_," when, half a century hence, the rollicking author of these letters--which, by the way, first appeared in _The Granta_--is telling his _Minimus_ what "a dog," he, the writer, was, and what "a day he used to have," in the merry time that's past and gone. "His health and book!" quoth the Baron.

A more muddle-headed story than _The Missing Member_ I have not read for some considerable time.

The Baron sends HACHETTE & CIE.'S "_Mon Premier Alphabet_," and the moral tale of "_Mlle. Marie Sans-souci_," up to the nursery where they will be much appreciated by the little Barons.

"LETT's get a Diary," quoth a Barren Jester, not _the_ Baron DE B.W., who, had it not been Christmas time, would have expelled the witty youth. "No joke, if you please," quoth he, "about LETTS's Diaries. We may advertise these useful and hardy annuals in canine Latin and say, '_Libera nos_!' i.e., Letts out!"

BARON DE BOOK-WORMS & Co.

_P.S._ I have it on the best authority that Mrs. SUTHERLAND EDWARDS, Author of _The Secret of the Princess; a Tale of Country, Camp, Court, Convict, and Cloister Life in Russia_, is about to produce a highly sensational work, entitled _The Bargain of the Barmaid; a Story of Claret, Cheese, Coffee, Cognac, and Cigar Life in London_.

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CINDERELLA; FIN DE SIÈCLE.

(_A FAIRY TALE FOR CHRISTMAS._)

The Lady Help was busy at her domestic duties when her Godmother knocked at the kitchen-door, and entered.

"Alas, poor CINDERELLA!" said the Fairy, in a compassionate tone, "and so your stepmother and sisters have gone to the Prince's ball, and left you to cleanse the pots and pans?"

"Thank you," returned her God-daughter; "I am perfectly well satisfied to be left with my books. As a matter of fact, dances bore me."

And she carelessly glanced at some mathematical works that she had used when cramming for the Senior Wranglership.

"Nonsense, my dear," responded the well-intentioned Fairy, "Get me a pumpkin, some mice--"

"Quite out of date," interrupted CINDERELLA. "I presume you intend to turn the pumpkin into a great coach, and so forth. Eh?"

"Well," admitted the Fairy, taken aback, "ye-es."

"Quite so. Believe me, the idea is distinctly old-fashioned. Pray understand, I don't say you can't do it. Nowadays, with EDISON and KOCH, it would be dangerous to suggest that anything was impossible. No, I merely object to travel in a conveyance that will naturally be redolent of the odours of the kitchen garden, and to be driven by a coachman derived from a rodent."

"But this objection is contrary to precedent," urged the Fairy. "You ought to express unbounded delight, and then depart in your carriage with the greatest _éclat_ possible."

"You are most kind, but, if I am to do anything of _that_ sort, I would prefer leaving the matter in the hands of Mr. Sheriff AUGUSTUS HARRIS who thoroughly understands the entire business."

"It seems to me," said the Fairy, "you are very ungrateful. But surely you want a magnificent costume?"

"Thanks, no; I get everything from Paris."

"And you think of the feelings of your _modiste_, and ignore those of your poor old (but well-preserved) Godmother!" And the Fairy was nearly moved to tears.

"Oh, I did not mean to pain you!" exclaimed CINDERELLA. "Stay, my dear Lady, do you believe in hypnotism? No? Well, I do, and exercise it. Pardon me!"

And as she made a few passes, the Fairy sank into a mesmeric trance. Then, CINDERELLA desired that her Godmother should imagine that she had been the heroine of a Fairy Story.

"Dear me," cried the now-satisfied dame, as she regained consciousness; "and so you went to the ball, lost your slipper, and married the Prince?"

"That was the impression I wished to convey to you. And now, my dear, good Lady, I am afraid I must ask you to leave me."

And as the Fairy disappeared, CINDERELLA resumed her self-imposed tasks of making an omelette and squaring the circle.

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RE-"MARKS."--New Legal Measure, "One Gill more than equal to Several Legal Pints." [Formula, 1 Gill = 1 + _x_ pints.]

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Mr. GILL objected to Sir CHARLES RUSSELL's yawning in Court; but he forgot that a Queen's Counsel of Sir CHARLES's standing and reputation has a right to "open his mouth" pretty wide.

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THE KNELL OF HOME RULE.--Par-nell.

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(_Seasonable Suggestion to Augustus Druriolanus._)]

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BETWEEN THE LEAVES;

OR, HOW TO LET IN THE ADVERTISERS NEATLY.