Chapter VII: Act II

_A Battle-field in time of War. Enter TOMMY ATKINS with his
rifle. In the interval, since the close of the last Act, he is
supposed to have been thoroughly instructed in its proper use,
and, though on one or two occasions, owing to disregard of
some trifling precaution, he has found it "jam," still, in the
leisure of the practice-field, he has been generally able to
get it right again, and put it in workable order. He is now
hurrying along in all the excitement of battle, and in face of
the enemy, of whom a batch appear on the horizon in front of
him, when the word is given to "fire."_

_Tommy Atkins_ (_endeavours to execute the order, but he finds something "stuck," and his rifle refuses to go off._) Dang it! What's the matter with the beastly thing! It's that there bolt that's caught agin' (_thumps it furiously in his excitement and makes matters worse._) Dang the blooming thing; I can't make it go. (_Vainly endeavours to recall some directions, committed in calmer moments, to memory._) Drop the bolt? No! that ain't it. Loose this 'ere pin (_tugs frantically at a portion of the mechanism._) 'Ang me if I can make it go! (_Removes a pin which suddenly releases the magazine_), well, I've done it now and no mistake. Might as well send one to fight with a broomstick. (_A shell explodes just behind him._) Well, _I am in a 'ole_ and no mistake. [_Battle proceeds with results as Act-drop falls._

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OLD FRENCH SAW RE-SET.--FROM _THE STANDARD_, NOVEMBER 14:--

"The duel between M. DÉROULÈDE and M. LAGUERRE occurred
yesterday morning in the neighbourhood of Charleroi, in
Belgium. Four shots were exchanged without any result. On
returning to Charleroi the combatants and their seconds were
arrested."

"_C'est Laguerre, mais ce n'est pas magnifique._"

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