Chapter III: Act I

_Scene.--Bed-room in attic of seventh-class boarding-house. Furniture, a bed, two chairs, and a table. The table is ornamented with a cup of coffee, a loaf of bread, and a plate of hash; knife, et cetera. (Enter from the adjoining hall,_ MR. JENKINS CRUSOE, _dressed in a tattered morning wrapper_.)

JENKINS. (_Loq_.) Phew! I can't stand this hot weather. I must go into the country. But where shall I go?[3] (_Sings_:)

If I'm any judge of the weather,
The days are refreshingly hot,
Though one place's as good as another,
I think I'll get out of this spot;
But where shall I go?
Where shall I go?
Where shall I go
For the summer?

(_Looks at table_.) Ha, ha! Ho, ho! My breakfast will be cold. (_Reflectively_.) I guess I'll eat. (_Sits down and hurts the hash.)

(Enter washerwoman, shoemaker, servant-girl, and hatter. They dance around the table, like English blondes.) (All sing:)_

Poor old JENKINS CRUSOE,
Why did you go for to do so?
JENKINS! JENKINS! JENKINS! JENKINS!
Poor old JENKINS CRUSOE.

SERVANT GIRL. (_Sings_.) Pay for the floor I have scrubbed, sir.

WASHERWOMAN. " Pay for the clothes I have rubbed, sir.

HATTER. " Pay for the hats you have worn, sir.

SHOEMAKER. " Pay for the boots that are gone, sir.

(_All sing_:)

Poor old JENKINS CRUSOE,
Why did you go for to do so?
JENKINS! JENKINS! JENKINS! JENKINS!
Poor old JENKINS CRUSOE.

(JENKINS _rises from the table and sings_:)

I've a castle in Spain,
Filled with ingots of gold,
I've a mine in Golconda,
Whose wealth is untold.
Then dry up your tears,
Come out of your sorrow,
I'll pay what I owe,
I'll pay you to-morrow,
I'll pay you to-morrow,
All that I owe.

(_Servant-girl et al. dance "Shoo Fly," and sing_:)

We feel, we feel, we feel,
We feel like a young typhoon;
We hope, we hope, we hope,
We hope you'll be paying soon.

(_Exeunt Servant-girl, et al_.)

JENKINS. (_Loq._) Well, come soon. Now I must go. I hate to cheat the provider of that seventh-class hash, but I must beat on somebody. Well, let them all come, and devil take the hindmost. I'll pack my valise. (_Puts things in his valise. Sings_:)

It's rich that I am, am I not?
Just look at the fixings I've got;
Here's a brush, here's a comb,
Both are for fixing my dome,
A tooth-brush and collar, that's all,
My baggage's conveniently small.

JENKINS. (_Loq_.) That valise is too thin. No landlord would take me on that. It's consumptive-looking. I'll fill it with newspapers. Here, this will do, this triple-sheet _Tribune_, with Mrs. MCFARLAND'S epistle. That'll fill it. (_Shoves paper in valise_.) Now for my hat and coat. (_Puts them on_.) Off I go. (_Sings_:)

I'm off, I'm off,
I'm off for Long Branch,
I'll have a jolly old time,
I'll have a jolly old time,
I'll bathe in the surf,
I'll ride on the turf,
Dance with the girls,
Steal all their pearls,
And have a jolly old time.

(_Exit_ JENKINS)

_Curtain_

[Footnote 1: Must not be confounded with "Surf."]

[Footnote 2: The reader will notice that this drama was more popular than the Arabian Nights, which only ran for one thousand and one nights.]

[Footnote 3: The music of these songs can be purchased at Timbuctoo.]