Chapter I

_Once._--In serious literature you cannot be too exact. You will notice that I say once, not twice or thrice, and you will find that that is a very important point at once. Thus, you might put your hand under a trip-hammer once, but not twice. You might take a trip on a Mississippi steamer, or an Erie train, once. You might go to the Legislature or Congress and be honest once. You might get a seat in a horse-car once. You might be civilly treated by a public official once. You might lend an umbrella, or indulge in the luxury of a lawsuit, or persuade your better half that you are only tired when you are really beery, once; but, I assure you, that your chance of doing any of those things twice is decidedly slim. If you do any of them once and don't find yourself in Greenwood, the alms-house, or matrimonial hot water, retire on your laurels and let out the job.