Chapter I: Wonder If We Quit Fighting Too Quick and Dident Sign Peace

QUICK ENOUGH,

Dont get impatient. It has been just this hard at the end of every war to try and prevent another one,

Pres on his last voyage home said the Monroe Doctrine was fully protected already And to show them that it was, He has now put it in,

This Monroe thing the Republicans talk so much of and know so little about, Protects us against everything but VILLA.

And in the whole History of America he is the only _Nation_ that ever attacked us,

Italy says they will pick up their Marbles and go home

Pres Wilson says you may Fiume, But you will never get it,

Today is Japans day to threaten to pack their kimonas and leave,

Italy bases her claim on an old treaty, She cant afford to trace her Treatys back too far, _If I remember she originally was signed up with Germany_,

Pres Wilson certainly used good judgement in visiting Italy when he first went over,

Sectry BAKER has gone back over to France again think old Newt, kinder likes PARIS,

_They wanted Mcadoo to go but the salary wasent right,_

Can you imagine a guy that couldent make a living out of all the jobs he held, I would love to have just half what one Republican would have made out of all that,

Lot of Reps dont want this League Gag to pass they are jealous cause the Democrats ran the last war, And they want to have another one to show how much better they could run one than the Democrats,

Even the Big 4 seem to be losing confidence, They have removed the words High Contracting Parties, which appeared 418 times in the original and now speak of it meekly as members of the League,

We know Pres Wilson had a lot to do with drafting it, Cause it has so many WORDS

Now it will take longer to explain it than it did to write it,

If Mr Lodge and Mr Lowell debate on these new amendments Boston has applied for a change of Venue,

_Only debate ever held where both men agreed,_

Pres is up to his old tricks has sent a NOTE to Italy,

His appeal to the Italian People caused as much of a furore as the one to the voters last fall,

Italy says they know Fiume was not in their secret treaty with other Allies But its a nice town and they hate to see it fall into bad hands,

Get all those Nations sore enough to start telling the truth about each other, We will hear something,

Italy claims Fiume because there is more Italians there than anybody else, according to that Look whod get NEW YORK

Japans claims are sorter novel "They want pay for capturing part of China one of our own Allies"

They have offered to protect Siberia if they have to stay there forever to do it,

If Japan gets all her claims China will pay more indemnities than Germany who lost the war,

Imagine Japan, Pres Wilson, and Italy, All talking at once, Good thing they cant understand each other or this Conference would never have lasted this long,

AND THEY CALL THAT A PEACE CONFERENCE,

Guess those CZECHO POLOKS have gotten their freedom, I see where they are at _war_.

Wish I could find a man who had read this LEAGUE OF NATIONS, And could tell which was the _Assembly_ and which was the _Council_,

Thats a good clause in there "where any Allied Nation must give three months notice before it jumps onto any other Allied Nation,"

_Now the Women want to send Deligates, They forget this is a_ Peace Conference,

See where the German Deligates to the Peace Table brought their Golf Clubs We can see now how Admiral Graysons Pupil stacks up against opposition,

See where Pres Wilson and Italy have compromised on that town down there _Italy got it_,

Its kinder new wrinkle in Diplomacy, The Slovaks can play with it four years till they begin to like it, And then they take it away from them,

AS I UNDERSTAND IT ITALY IS TO HAVE IT TUESDAYS AND SATURDAYS,

But they are going to build those other People (_with that terrible name_) A little young town just as much like this one as they can, down the river aways

Guess the reason they put a four year limit on it, Was that they figured that would about cover the existence of any of those new Nations,

The Idea over there now seems to be lets get something ready to sign up, Whether its any good or not,

See where Pres Wilson and Japan _compromised_ on that CHOW CHOW PLACE JAPAN GETS IT,

I dont know how much money Indemnity Japan will demand from China,

_You know_ CHINA _has one of the best_ JAPANESE _Armies in the World_,

See where Pres Wilson and England compromised on Freedom of the Seas England got it,

Italy left the Conference and got what she wanted, Japan threatened to leave and got what she wanted, If Pres Wilson had left some Republican Senators would have gotten what they wanted,

_Seems several Nations were like_ Jesse Willard _they wanted to know what they were to get before they entered the Arena_,

Well they finally handed Germany the Peace terms 80 thousand words only thing ever written longer than a Lafollette Speech,

HAD TO BE THAT LONG TO TELL THE GERMANS WHAT THEY THOUGHT OF THEM

Imagine what a document for Lawers to pick flaws in,

Could have settled the whole thing in one sentence, "IF YOU BIRDS START ANYTHING AGAIN WE WILL GIVE YOU THE OTHER BARREL,"

RUSSIA cant get in on this Peace There is not enough Paper in the World to print 80 thousand Russian words on,

If they want to get even with Germany they ought to let them keep their Cables And appoint Burleson to run them

_I thought the Armistace terms read like a second Mortgage, But this reads like a_ FORECLOSURE,

If Germany ever wants to go to war again she will have to fight with _BEER STEINS_

If Germany stops to read those 80 thousand words before they sign them, We needent expect Peace to be signed for years yet,

Now Folks with all this kidding and foolishness aside, for I just say in here whatever I think anybody might laugh at, But of course my real sentiments are the same as everybody else, anything to prevent war If He puts this thing through and there is no more wars, His address will be WHITE HOUSE WASHINGTON D C till his whiskers are as long as the Peace Treaty If it should be a Fliv, (which it wont) Why then a letter would reach him at ALABI NEW JERSEY. So all Credit to Pres Wilson it took some game Guy to go through with it,

THE END