Chapter I: Preface

This simple recital of personal haps and mishaps in perturbed Spain from the abdication of Amadeus to the entry of Don Carlos, puts forward no claim to the didactic or dogmatic. Its chief aim is to amuse. Of course, if I succeed in conveying knowledge and dispelling illusions--in Tasso's words, if I administer a pill under a coating of jam--I shall be cock-a-hoop with delight. But I warn the reader I am not an unprejudiced witness. I am passionately fond of Spain and her people. Although years have elapsed since the events dealt with occurred, I fancy the narrative will not be hackneyed, for in Spain public life repeats itself with a fidelity which is never monotonous. I do not pretend to cast the horoscope of the poor little monarch who is in the nurse's arms, but Heaven guard him! 'Twere better for him that he had been born in a Highland shieling.

Should there be much individualism in these pages, it is intentional, and to be ascribed to the instance of friends. They said, "Bother history; give us plenty of your own experiences." It is to be hoped they have not led me astray by their well-meant advice.

CONTENTS OF VOL. I.

CHAPTER I.

PAGE

Which, being non-essential, treats partly of Spain, but principally of the Writer 1-23

CHAPTER II.

The Old-Fashioned Invocation--"Them 'ere Spanish Kings!"--Candidates for a Throne--_En Voyage_--Bordeaux and the Back-ache--An Unmannerly Alsatian--The Patriot gets a Roland for his Oliver--Small Change for a Hot Bath--Plan for Universal Coinage--Daughters of Israel--The Jews Diagnosed--Across the Border--The Writer is Saluted "Caballero"--Bugaboo Santa Cruz--Over a Brasero 24-42

CHAPTER III.

A Make-Believe Spain--The Mountain Convoy--A Tough Road to Travel--Spanish Superiority in Blasphemy--Short Essay on Oaths--The Basque Peasants--Carlism under a Cloak--How Guerilla-Fighting is Conducted--A Hyperborean Landscape--A Mysterious Grandee--An Adventurous Frenchman--The Shebeen on the Summit--Armed Alsasua--Base Coin 43-60

CHAPTER IV.

Madrid--The Fonda and its Porter--The Puerta del Sol--Postal Irregularities--Tribute to the Madrileños--The Barber's Pronunciamiento--Anecdotes of King Amadeus--Checkmating the Grand Dames--Queen Isabella--The Embarrassed Mr. Layard of Nineveh--The Great Powers Hesitate--America Goes Ahead--General Sickles--Mahomet and the Mountain--Republicanism among the Troops--A Peculiar Pennsylvanian Dentist--Castelar under Torture--The Writer meets one of his Sept--Politicians by Trade--Honour among Insurgents--Alonso the Reckless 61-91

CHAPTER V.

A Late Capital--The Gambling Mania--A French Rendezvous--The Duke de Fitzpepper--The Morality of Passing Bad Money--Spanish Compliments--Men in Pickle--A Licentious Ballet--Federal Manners--Prim's Artifice--Nouvilas Goes North--A Carlist Proclamation--Don Alfonso--Midnight Oil--Castelar's Circular 92-112

CHAPTER VI.

Warning to Ladies--The Hotel Parliament--An Anglo-Spanish Mentor--The Evil Genii of the Monarchy--The Curses of Spain--Government and Religion Affairs of Climate--The Carlists, Norwegians, and English, all Republicans!--Notions on Heredity--The Five Spanish Parties--The Army the Lever of Power--The Student-Cæsar--Order _versus_ Republic--The Chained Colours--Dorregaray's Appeal to the Soldiers--Influence of the Church--Wanted: a Benevolent Despot 113-131

CHAPTER VII.

The Carnival--About Kissing Feet--Mummers and Masquers--The Paseo de Recoletos--The Writer is taken for Cluseret--Incongruity in Costume--Shrove Tuesday--Panic on the Prado--A Fancy Ball--The "Entierro de la Sardina"--Lenten Amusements--A Spanish Mystery--"Pasion y Muerte de Jesus"--Of the Stage Stagey--Critical Remarks 132-160

CHAPTER VIII.

Another Chat with Mentor--A Startling Solution of the Spanish Question--The Penalties of Popularity--The Republic another Saturn--The New Civil Governor--The Government Bill--Outside the Palace of the Congress--Providential Rain--Wild Rumours--Federal Threats--The Five Civil Guards--Inside the Chamber--The Great Debate--The Two Reports--Compromise--Minor Speechmakers--A Pickwickian Contention--The Division--Victory for the Ministry--The Five Civil Guards Trot to Stables 161-182

CHAPTER IX.

The Inventions of Don Fulano de Tal--Stopping a Train--"A Ver Fine Blaggar"--The Legend of Santa Cruz--Dodging a Warrant--Outlawed--Chased by Gendarmes--A Jack Sheppard Escape--The Cura becomes Cabecilla--Sleeping with an Eye Open--Exploits and Atrocities--Dilettante Carlists in London--The Combat of Monreal--Ibarreta's Relics--A Tale for the Marines--The Carlists Looking-up 183-200

CHAPTER X.

Barbarism of Tauromachy--A Surreptitious Ticket--The Novillos--Islington _not_ Madrid--Apology for Cock-Fighting--Maudlin Humanity--The Espada a Popular Idol--In the Bull-Ring--A Precious "Ster-oh"--The Trumpets Speak--The Procession--Play of the Quadrille--The Defiance--"Bravo, Cucharra!"--"Bravo, Toro!"--The Blemish of the Sport--An Indignant English Lassie 201-224

CHAPTER XI.

The Shamrock of Erin and Olive of Spain--Hispano-Hibernian Regiments--The Spanish Soldier--An Unpopular Hidalgo--Flaw in the Harness--The Organization of the Army--The Guardia Civil--The Cavalry, Engineers, and Infantry--General Cordova--The Disorganization of the Army--Mutiny in Pampeluna--Officers Out of Work--Turbulent Barcelona--Irresolute Contreras--Pistolet Discharges Himself--The Madrid Garrison 225-248

CHAPTER XII.

Luring the Reader into a Stony Desert--A Duel on the Carpet--Disappointment of the Special Correspondents--The People Amuses Itself--How the Ballot Works--A Historic Sitting of the Congress--Castelar's Great Oration--The Glory of Spain--About Negro Manumission--Distrust of "Uncle Sam"--Return of Figueras--The Permanent Committee--A Love-Feast of Politicians--The Writer Orders Wings 249-265

CHAPTER XIII.

The Writer Turns Churlish and Quits Madrid--Sleep under Difficulties--A Bad Dream--Santa Cruz again--Off St. Helena!--Dissertation on Stomach Matters--A Hint to British Railway Directors--"Odds, Hilts and Blades"--A Delicate Little Gentleman is Curious--The "Tierra Deleitosa"--That Butcher again 266-281

CHAPTER XIV.

Delectable Seville--Don Juan Scapegrace--The Women in Black--In the Triana Suburb--The City of the Seven Sleepers--Guide-Book Boredom--Romance and Reality--The Prosaic Manchester Man--King Ferdinand Puzzling the Judges--Mortification by Proxy--Some Notable Treasures--Papers and Politics--The Porcelain Factory--"The Lazy Andalusiennes"--About Cigars--The Gipsy Dance 282-311

ROMANTIC SPAIN.