Chapter III: Part 3

Touching upon these faces reminds me that a new feature has been introduced in this _new_ world, that is, taking up this new fashion of the _old_ world by having "_carte de visites_." A Mr. _Mum_-ler, of Boston, U.S., discovered that these spirits have a taste for art as well as music, and that they have a little vanity like ourselves; and it has since been discovered that _fraud_ has been _discovered_, of photographers--"_palming off as spirit likeness_--_pictures of persons now alive!_" But here comes the CLOTHES TEST again, these _spirited_ portraits have all got their _clothes on_. Apparitions of suits of clothes, spirits of _coats_, _boots_, and _ladies' dresses_!!!

This _test_ of the _clothing_ is very severe, for without having clothes the ghost can't appear; for even that extraordinary clever invention of Professor Pepper's, the "patent" ghost, which he exhibited at the Polytechnic Institution, and which is introduced into a piece called "The Haunted Man and the Ghost's Bargain," now performing at the Adelphi Theatre, and which ghost, I am sorry to say, I have not yet had time to see, but this "patent ghost," of course, has CLOTHES on. In fact, apparitions cannot appear without clothes, and apparitions of clothes cannot appear; and so--but really I had quite forgotten that I had left Mr. Home sticking up against the ceiling, upon which it appears he makes his _mark_--all in the dark--as a kind of "skylark." "_Seeing_ is believing," but as his friends could not see him, he was obliged to do some thing of this sort, suspecting, I suppose, that his friends would not take _his word_. When a light was thrown upon this scene, Mr. Home was discovered lying upon his back upon the table! It may be rude to say that all this was all a trick, but pardonable, perhaps, to say it looks very like trickery.

Talking of "skylarking," reminds me, that in conversation with a friend of mine, who is a believer in Mr. Home, and expressing a doubt about the possibility of Mr. H. kicking his heels up in the air in this way, and asking if it were not imaginary, my friend assured me that it was no "flight of fancy," that it was quite true, and that it was not at all improbable but that some day, in daylight, we might "see Mr. Home _floating across the metropolis_!" I suggested that Mr. H. had better mind what he was about, as there was danger in such a flight, for some short-sighted sports-man, or if not short-sighted, he might be in such a state of _fuddle_ as not "to know a hawk from a hand saw," and might mistake him for some gigantic, "monstrous blackbird," or some "_rara avis_," and bring him down with his gun, though in this case he would not want to "bag his game."

To prevent such a hit as this, or rather such a _mis_chance, I would suggest that due notice should be given to the public when Mr. Home intends appearing up above the chimney-pots; and that in addition to his _floating_, that the spirits should run him along the "electric telegraph" wires. That would be something worth seeing, and much better than the stupid, silly, nonsensical tricks they now play either on the table or under the table.

There used formerly, even in my time--I don't go back so far as the reign of the Charles's, but to the days of the "charlies," as the old watchmen were called, and before the "_new_ police" were introduced to the public,--in those days ghost tricks were played in various parts of London; one favourite spot was in front of St. Giles's churchyard, near unto a "spirit vault." It used to be reported that there was a ghost every night in this churchyard, but it was an invisible ghost, for it never was seen, though there was a mob of people gaping and straining their eyes to get a peep at it; but during this time, some low cunning spirits used to creep out of the adjoining spirit vaults, mix amongst the crowd, and having very _light fingers_, used, instead of _tapping_ the people on the knees, as the spirits do at the "_seances_" they dipped their hands into the "atmosphere" of respectable people's pockets, and "spirited away" their watches, handkerchiefs, pocket-books, or anything else that came in their way, and then bolt into the vaults again.

N.B.--These spirits could swallow _spirits_, like those described in the preceding pages.

Spirits of the old style used to delight in the darkness of night, but sometimes they'd show their pale faces by moonlight. A "_seance_" is described that took place by moonlight. I don't mean to _assert_ that it was _all_ "moonshine." A table was placed in front of a window between the curtains; the "circle" round the table and the space between the curtains was the _stage_ where the performance took place. Query: How did the mediums know, when they placed this table, that the spirits who "lent a hand" in the performance would act their play at that part of the table? By the by, the _table_ plays an important part in these spirited pieces; the spirits surely would not be able to get on at all without a _table_! At each side of this stage, lit by the moon, and close to the window curtains, which formed as it were the "proscenium," stood a gentleman, one on each side, like two "prompters," one of whom was Mr. Home; and when one particular hand was thrust up above the rim of the table, and which _hand_ had a _glove on_, Mr. H. cried out, "Oh! keep me from that hand! it is so cold; do not let it touch me." Query: How did Mr. H. know that this hand _was so cold_? and had it put the glove on because it felt itself so cold? And out of whose "atmosphere," or "life sphere" had the spirit made this hand? if it were _so_ cold, it must have got the stuff through some very _cold-hearted_ "medium." Then comes my _clothes test_ again, where did the _hand_ get the _glove_? Suppose it was a _spirit hand_, the hand of a soul that once did live on earth, could it be the _spirit_ of a _glove_? Whilst waiting for an answer to these queries, I would suggest to these "mediums," that if they see this "hand and glove" again, they should ask, "Who's your glover?" Yes, it would be important to obtain the name and address of such a glover, as such gloves, we may suppose, would not wear out, nor require cleaning.

An old and valued friend of mine attended a _seance_ in 1860, of which he wrote a short account, and which he keeps (in manuscript) to lend to his friends for their information and amusement, upon this subject; and although he confesses that, as a novice, he was rather startled upon one or two occasions during the evening, that the extraordinary proceeding of the _seance_ had something of a _supernatural tinge_ about it; nevertheless, upon mature reflection he came to the conclusion that the whole was a very cleverly-managed piece of trickery and imposture. As I am permitted to quote from this manuscript, I will here give a short extract to show the reader how an American medium--a Dr. _Dash_--assisted by two other "mediums," also Americans, _managed_ the spirits upon that occasion. A party of eight were seated round a table:--

"Shortly and anon, a change came o'er the spirit of the Doctor. He jumped up and said, '_Hush! I hear a spirit_ rapping at the door.'

* * * * *

"The Doctor told us there was a spirit which wished to join our _seance_, the door was opened, a chair was most politely placed at the table, and there the spirit sat, but, like 'Banquo's' Ghost, _invisible to the company_."

In the Waterloo Road there resided--next door to each other--some years back, two paperhangers, who vied with each other in doing "stencilling"--that is, rubbing colour on walls through a _cut out_ pattern; there was great opposition between them, and one of them (No. 1) wrote on the front of his house in _large_ letters, "THE ACME OF STENCILLING," upon which No. 2, determined not to be outdone in this style, wrote upon the front of his house in letters _double_ the size of his neighbour's, "THE HEIGTH OF THE ACME OF STENCILLING." Now, I do not know whether this pretended _introduction_ of an _invisible_ spirit, and putting a chair for this worse than nothing to sit in, when he had nothing to sit down upon, may be considered as the _heigth_ of the _acme_ of unprincipled, impudent imposture; but it goes far enough to show that trickery _can be and is carried on_, and carried on even as a trade or "calling" in this "spirit-rapping" business, for I have seen a printed card where a _professional_ "medium" gives his name and address, and has on it, "Circles for Spiritual Manifestation--hours from 12 to 3 and 5 to 10 P.M.;" to which is added, "Private Parties and _Families_ visited."

If such a card as this had been introduced in "The Broad Grin Jest Book," some years back, it would have been quite in place, but to think that such a card as this should be circulated in this "age of intellect," as a _business_ card--the card of a "_Maitre de Ceremonie_," who undertakes to introduce _invisible spirits_, into parties and _private families_, is something more than I ever expected to see, on the outside of Bethlem, or in the list of impostures at a police station.

As this Dr. _Dash_ pretended that spirits were "mixed up" with this party--were indeed surrounding the "circle," and who had come into the room _without knocking_, and were not _accommodated with chairs_, why should this ghost of nothing knock at the door, and how did the Dr. know that he wished to join the _seance_, and why should _this invisible_ Mr. Nobody have a chair, and the other _spirits_ be obliged to stand? And then was this spirit _dressed_ in his best? for as it was an evening party, he ought to have been "dressed with care."

The calling up of one spirit seems to call up or raise another spirit, and as Dr. _Dash_ introduced a dumb and invisible spirit who was supposed to take his seat at a table, I take this opportunity of introducing a spirit of a very different character--one of the old fashioned spirits--one that could both be seen and heard, and who was _seen_ to take his seat at the table, and enter into conversation with his friends. An extract from the "Registry of Brisley Church in 1706," runs thus:--A Mr. Grose went to see a Mr. Shaw, and whilst these gentlemen were quietly smoking their pipes, in comes (without "rapping") the ghost of their friend Mr. Naylor. They asked him to sit down, which he did, and they conversed together for about two hours; he was asked how it fared with him, he replied, "Very well," and when he seemed about to move, they asked him if he could not stay a little longer, he replied that he "could not do so, for he had only three days' leave of absence, and had other business to attend to."[7]

[7] As, according to Mrs. Crowe, ghosts can smoke, and upon
equally good authority, spirits can swallow _spirits_, no
doubt this ghost of Mr. Naylor, who did not come without the
help of his tailor, took a pipe with his friends, and took
something to _drink_ with them also, for you may _rely_ upon
it, that the ghost's friends were not smoking a "_dry_ pipe."

Now this is something like a ghost, whose visit you observe is recorded in the registry of a parish church, and as the party I believe were all clergymen, of course the Rev. Mr. Naylor came in his clerical "habits as he lived," no doubt "dressed with care." Yes, this you see was a respectable sort of ghost--one that you could see and listen to, not such a poor "dummy" as Dr. _Dash's_ poor spiritless spirit, Mr. Nothing Nobody, Esq.,

Who could neither be seen nor heard,
Which even to name, seems quite absurd.

The reason for thus suddenly pretending to introduce a _spirit_, was to produce an _effect_--a _sensation_--upon the nerves of the party assembled (particularly the novices), for it is only under excited nervous feelings that anything like success can attend the operations of such "mediums."

The CREATOR has so formed us that our nerves are more excitable in darkness than in the light, and our senses thus excited, are for our safety and protection, when moving about in the dark, either in-doors or out, as we feel and know, that there is a chance of our being seriously injured by running against or falling over something, or that there might be evil spirits in the shape of robbers lurking about, against whom it would be necessary to be ready to defend ourselves, or to avoid. Our faculties being thus put on the "_qui vive_," is natural, healthy, and proper; but when the mind has been imbued from childhood with a belief in ghosts, and the individual should happen to be in a dark and lonely place, and should hear or see indistinctly something which the mind on the instant is not able to account for, _naturally_, or _comprehend_ rationally, then under such circumstances, to use a common expression, "we are not ourselves," and in giving way to imaginary fears, under the impression of supernatural appearances, the stoutest hearts and the strongest men, have been known "to quiver and to quail," to be confused and to feel that thrilling sensation, that cold trickling down the back from head to heel, which is produced from fright, and nothing but the rallying of their mental and physical forces, and rousing up a determined resolution, has enabled such men to overcome this coward-like fear, and to discover that they have been scared by some natural sound, or some imperfectly-seen natural object, that it was all "a false alarm," or perhaps a made up ghost, by some fool or rogue, or both, who was playing his "tricks upon travellers."

But with weak and nervous persons, who believe in supernatural appearances, the effects of fright, under such circumstances, produce the most painful feelings, total prostration of the faculties, and sometimes fatal consequences. Here is an instance where all the faculties were prostrated by fright in consequence of seeing a supposed apparition, followed by the death of an innocent person:--

In the year 1804, the inhabitants of Hammersmith, a village situated on the west side of the metropolis, but now forming part of it, were much terrified by the appearance of, as it was said, a spectre clothed in a winding sheet. This apparition made its appearance in the dark evenings in the churchyard, and in several avenues about the place. I well remember "the Hammersmith ghost," as it was called, being the "Town Talk" of that day, and not only in Hammersmith, but even in town, many persons were afraid to leave their homes after dusk. Besides a man of the name of John Graham, who was detected, and I believe imprisoned, there were several actors in this ghostly farce, which was however brought to an end in a tragical manner--that is, by a young man of the name of Thomas Millwood, a plasterer, being shot dead by one Francis Smith, an exciseman, who at the time (as the narrator states) was rather "warm over his liquor"--that is about half drunk; and in this state he was allowed at the "White Hart" public house to load a gun with shot, and go out for the purpose of discovering the ghost, and he no sooner saw a figure in a light dress (which was the poor plasterer in his _working dress_, on his road to fetch his wife home, who had been at work all day at a house in the neighbourhood of "Black Lion Lane," where this murder was committed) than he lost the use of his faculties, and was in such a state of fright that, as he said in his defence, he "did not know what he was about," and unfortunately, under these circumstances, killed an innocent man, which he never would have done had he not been a believer in apparitions and ghosts.

In p. 46, of the "Victoria Magazine," the writer, in speaking of an interview which Mr. Home had with the spirit of the Count Cagliostro, states that the said _spirit_ diffused and wafted over his friend Mr. H. the most "delicious perfumes," and that they "appeared to have been a part of the Count's personal resources;" and argues for various reasons that these spirits are "sensitive to sweet smells," and that the spirits are "adepts in perfumery," "are fond of it," and surround themselves and their medium "with exquisite odours." And as Mr. Home is such a great favourite with these "spirits," his "life sphere" and "atmosphere" must be very highly scented and perfumed with smells, and this accounts at once for the spirits playing "Home, _sweet_ Home" upon the accordion, when he holds it under the table with one hand, and they play upon it, I suppose, with "_their hands of atmosphere!_" Be this as it may, however "sweet upon themselves" they may be, these spirits are at this moment in _very_ "_bad_ odour" with a large body of the press, as also with the large body of the public, and it therefore rests with the "mediums" to bring these "spirits of darkness" into light, and that these supposed spirits, their mediums, and their friends should _place_ themselves in a right position before the public. "Come out in the road" (as the low folk say when they are going to fight). By the by, there surely must be (as they are all _spirited_ fellows) some "prizefighters" amongst these "rapping" spirits, and if so, I would suggest that mediums, as "backers" and "bottle-holders" (provided they don't have any "spirits" in their bottle), should get up a "prizefight" as a public exhibition, between such spirits as Jem Belcher and Tom Crib, or any of those celebrated deceased popular heroes; and there would be this advantage in such contests, that the "sporting world" would have all their favourite sport, and be able to bet upon their favourites in these "sham-fights" without the attendant horrible and disgusting brutalities of the _real_ fights; for although they would, of course, "rap" each other, their _fists_ being only made of "_atmosphere_," they could not hurt or disfigure each other as they do in the _earthly_ boxing. And if these aerial boxers did "knock the wind out" of each other, it would be of no consequence, for as they would be surrounded with lots of their own kind of "life sphere," or "atmosphere," they could soon "make themselves _up_" again, if even they did not "make it up" with each other. But I see some difficulties in carrying out these "sports," which did not occur to me at first; for instance, if they cannot make their own thick heads out of the "atmosphere" of the heads about them, having no heads then, how can they be "set by the ears?" Besides, they could not hear when "time" was called, and then, again, the patrons of the "Prize ring" would not be satisfied unless they could see these spirited ghosts "knock each other's heads half off."

If these spirits cannot "make head," and keep up with the intellectual progress of the spirit of the times, and with the spirit of the world. If they cannot be a "body politic," or a body of spirits, or any other body, let the mediums set their _hands_ to work, "All _hands_, ahoy!" Let them lend a hand to any "handiwork;" "hand-looms," or hand about the tea and bread and butter at parties, or make themselves "handy" in any way, even if they were made to use "hand-brooms." Yes; let them put their hands to any honest calling rather than keep their hands in idleness, for they should recollect what Dr. Watts asserts--

"That _Satan_ finds some mischief still
For _idle hands_ to do."

And if these "spirit hands" are too flimsy and delicate to _work_--to do hard work--then let them _play_ musical instruments, get up popular concerts, and as they can make perfumes, or are themselves perfumers, they could thus whilst playing gratify their audiences with sweet sounds and sweet scents at the same time.

However absurd this asserted _fact_ of tables being moved by spirits may appear, and to many persons appearing not worth a "second thought," yet it is natural that we should endeavour to account for such a movement in a natural way, one cause assigned is natural heat, the other involuntary muscular action, etc., etc. In this state of uncertainty a little "_guess_ work" about the table movement, may perhaps be excused, even if it be as absurd as "table lifting" itself. We know that the common air, dry or moist, affects all earthly materials, and that

The water and the air,
Are everywhere,
Changing, the flower and the stone,
The flesh and the bone.

And we also know that wood, being a very _porous_ material, is powerfully affected by the "broad and general casing air," that it expands or contracts according to the condition of the atmosphere, and thus we find when there is any considerable change in the temperature, that all the book-cases, wardrobes, chests of drawers, clothes presses, tables, or "what-nots," in different parts of the house, will indicate this change by a _creaking_, cracking noise. I have in my studio an oaken cabinet, which acts under the influence of the change of air, like a talking thermometer, and with which I sometimes hold a sort of a "_cabinet_ council" upon the subject of the change of weather. When seated in my room, with doors, and windows, and shutters shut, if it has been dry weather for any length of time, and my cabinet begins creaking, I know by this sound from the wood, that the warm moist air, which has been wafted with the warm gulf stream from the West Indies, is diffusing itself around the room, and producing an effect upon me and my furniture, even to the fire-irons and fender, and so, on the contrary, after wet or moist weather, if the creaking is heard again, I know pretty well "which way the wind blows," and that it is a dry wind, without looking out at the weather vane. If it merely goes _creak, creak, crack_, and stops there, the change will not be great, but when it goes _cre-ak, cre-ak, creak, crack, crack, crack--rumble, rumble, rumble, creak, crack_! then do I know, and find, that the _change_ will be _considerable_, and can _spell_ out, change--rain--rain--rain, much rain.

Many persons who have given any thought to this question, are of opinion that electric currents passing from the human body is the cause of this "table-moving," and I introduce my "weather wise" cabinet to the public here to show, that if a _little damp air_, or a _little dry air_ will _move_, and _make_ a _large heavy cabinet_ talk in this way, how much more likely it is that a _table_ should be moved, and particularly if these "electric currents" fly "like lightning" through the passages or spiracles of this popular, but at present mysterious piece of furniture.

No wonder then if the "life sphere" and "the atmosphere" of the "light-headed," "light-heeled," who "_permeate their wills_" into this otherwise inanimate object, should all of a sudden "set the table in a roar," and "rap out their rappartees," and that "the _head_ of the table" should bob up and down, so as to make the people stare, either standing around or stuck in a chair, and that the legs all so clumsy, should caper and dance and kick up in the air, to the tune of "Well did _you_ ever!" and "Well _I_ declare!" _!!!_

This cabinet of mine is filled with the spirited works of departed spirits, including some of my dear father's humorous works, also of the great Hogarth, the great Gilray, and other masters, ancient and modern; the mediums would, I suppose, say--

That when this cabinet begins a "crack"[8] or creaking,
It is these sprites of art, who thus to me are speaking.

[8] Scotch for talking.

And as one of the panels was _split_ some years back, the mediums would perhaps suggest that these "_droll_ spirits" made the cabinet "_split_ its sides with laughter," but _I_ know it was the _hot air_ of a hot summer, and certainly not done by a drum or a drummer--that this "splitting" or "flying," only shows the _force_ of the _common air_, and I hope adds to the force of my argument in this respect, and further, of this I feel assured, that if I were to "clear the decks for action," bring this cabinet out into the middle of my studio, and could induce some of the lady and gentlemen "mediums" to come and form a "circle," and clap their hands on and around this piece of furniture, that, although Monsieur Cabinet has no "light fantastic toe," that he would nevertheless join in the merry dance, and cut some curious capers on his castors, and even "beat time" perhaps with his curious creaks and cracks. By the by, glass being a non-conductor, a table made of _glass_, would at once settle this question, as to whether the tables are moved by electric currents or not.

I am now about to suggest what I feel assured every one will admit to be a GRAND IDEA, and which would be to make these spirits useful in a way that would be highly appreciated and patronized by the public, and put all the "fortune-tellers" and "rulers of the stars" out of the field altogether, and perhaps even damage the "electric wires" a little. It is to establish a company, to be entitled, "THE HUMAN QUESTION AND SPIRIT ANSWER COMPANY!" The principal "_capital_" to work upon, would be the overpowering principle of curiosity; in this case, instead of having a "_chair_-man," they would, I suppose, have a _table_-man; if so, then Homo would be the _man_, and of this company it never could be said, that they had _not_ a _rap_ at their bankers.

"Limited," of course, but the _business_ would be UN-_limited_, with profits, corresponding; branch question and answer offices, branching out all over the globe, with "letter-boxes" and "chatter-boxes". If the business of such offices were worked and carried out in a "_proper spirit_," it would assuredly be "a success." I am supposing, of course, that these spirits will be able to "tell us something we don't know," for up to the present time it does not appear that they have told anything to us that we could not have told them, and in a more common sense and grammatical style than most of the communications which they have "rapped out," but if there are any _real_, great, and good spirits amongst these gammocking table-turners, they must, one would suppose, know all about everything and everybody, and everybody would be asking questions, and if so, "Oh, my!" what a lot of funny questions there would be! and what a lot of funny answers! (_all_ "_private_ and _confidential_," of _course_) as nobody would be sure not to tell nobody any secrets that nobody wanted anybody to know.

Under ordinary circumstances I am not at all what might be called a _curious_ person, but although I should (like other people) like to know how certain matters might turn out, and although I should never think of asking a "fortune-teller" or of consulting the gentry who profess to "rule the stars," yet if such a company as this were started, I feel that I should be compelled to start off to the first office I could get to, for the purpose of putting two or three questions, to which I want immediate answers if it were possible, and should not mind paying something extra for _favourable_ answers. I will here just give a specimen of some of these questions.

Some literary gentleman and others belonging to the "Urban Club," and also some members of the "Dramatic Authors'" Society, have formed themselves in a committee (upon which they have done me the honour to place my name), for the purpose of setting on foot and assisting to raise a fund, if possible, to erect a monument in honour of William Shakspeare, as the 23rd of April, 1864, will be the ter-centenary of that poet's birthday. Another committee for the same purpose is also in formation, and the two committees will either amalgamate or work together. I have suggested to the first committee that in order to assist the funds for the above-mentioned purpose, that a notice be sent out to the public to this effect--that all persons having any works of art, either paintings, drawings, or sculpture, should be invited and respectfully requested to lend such works to a committee of artists, to form a gallery or national collection illustrating this author's works, to be called "The Shakspeare Exhibition," and in which designs for the said monument could also be exhibited. The question, therefore, I would put to the _spirits_ through the proper _medium_ would be this, viz.--If such invitations were sent out, would the holders of such works lend them for the purpose of thus being placed before the public? And further--If the Government were applied to, would they "lend the loan" of a proper and fitting building to exhibit the various works in? And a little further, and "though last not least," would the nobility and gentry, and the public at large, patronize such an exhibition _largely_, and what the receipts would amount to? I should like to have all this answered, and that at an early day. But as it may be a _long day_, before such a company could get into working order, and as the members of the public press are a good-natured, shrewd class of spirits--if the idea is worth anything, they would most likely take it up, and I should be as much pleased to get an answer through that _medium_ as any other that I know of.

There are several other questions which I should put to this "_Spirit_ Answer Company" if it were started, and which I feel that I could not well put to any one else, as I do not think that _any body_ would give themselves the trouble to give me an answer; and it is not _every body_ who _could_ give me satisfactory answers, however much they might feel disposed to do so. I enumerate two or three.

Firstly--After a dreadful railway accident which occurred the other day, Lord Brougham in the House of Lords suggested, I believe, that an act of Parliament should be passed compelling the _public_ to travel at a rational speed; and as civil engineers declare that if the _public_ would be content to do so, that it would decrease the risk of life to about 999 per cent., I want to know if the _public_ are ever likely to adopt the moderate speed, or sort of safe and sure, mode of travelling by rail, instead of _flying_ along at such a risk of life and limb as they do now, occasionally coming to a _dreadful smash_, with an awful unnecessary sacrifice of life, picking up the bodies or the pieces thereof, crying out "All right, go a-head," and dashing off at the same irrational speed with the probability of the like accidents again?

Secondly--If it is at all likely that "lovely woman" will ever leave off wearing dresses which constantly expose her to the risk of being burnt to death?

Upon looking, however, at some of the other questions, they appear so frivolous and ridiculous, that I do not think I would put them even to these spirits. For instance, one was, that supposing I took a part in one of Shakspeare's plays, for the purpose of assisting this proposed Shakspearian fund, and for some other purposes, if, as I can draw a little, should I, under such circumstances, _draw_ a full house?

There is a common saying amongst schoolboys, that "IF all _ifs_ were _hads_, and all _hads_ were _Shads_, we never should be in want of fish for supper." Now the _if_, in this _spirit_ question, is an important _if_, for IF _all be true_, that is asserted by the "mediums" of the marvels which they publish, then are those marvels some of the most marvellous and astounding wonders that have ever been known or heard of in the _authentic_ history of the world. And from the extent to which this belief has spread, and is still spreading, and also from the injurious effects it has already produced, and is likely still further to produce, on the mental and physical condition of a large number of the people, it now becomes rather, indeed, I may say, a, _very_ serious question. Some of the effects produced by attending the _soirees_ of these "good, bad, and indifferent" spirits, will be seen from the reasons stated by a staunch supporter of these supernatural pastimes for giving up--in fact, being COMPELLED to give up--_seances_, "because, in the first place (he states), it was _too exhausting_ to the vital fluids of the medium." (They took too long a pull, or swallowed too much of his "_atmosphere_.") And also "because the necessity of keeping the mind elevated to a higher state of contemplation, while we were repeating the alphabet and receiving messages letter by letter, was too great a strain upon our faculties; and because the undeveloped and earth-bound spirits throng about the mediums, and struggle to enter into parley with them, apparently with the purpose of getting possession of their natures, or exchanging natures; and I have heard of sittings terminating from this cause in cases of PARALYSIS or DEMONIACAL POSSESSION."

In such a state, no doubt the poor creatures imagine that they see apparitions. I had an old friend who was affected with paralysis of the brain, but not from this cause, as he was a total and _decided disbeliever_ in apparitions; but from the diseased condition of his brain he had the _appearance_ of a person or ghost constantly by his side for a considerable time, at which he used to laugh, and which I wanted him to introduce to me; but to me it was always invisible. One day at dinner he stood up, and said to those present, "Don't you see I'm going?" and fell down--dead!

Although there is much to laugh at with respect to these modern spirits, although some of the scenes at the _seances_ are perfectly ridiculous--and would have afforded capital subjects for the powerful pen of my dear deceased friend, "Thomas Ingoldsby"--the "raps" rapped out sometimes are positive nonsense and sometimes positive falsehood; and "evil communications," which all who have been to school know, "corrupt good manners," yet, on the other hand, there are serious symptoms sometimes attended with serious consequences.

The mediums tell us that these spiritual manifestations are permitted by the "OMNIPOTENT;" that JESUS CHRIST sanctions some of these spiritual communications, and are indeed given us as if proceeding from Himself; and yet we find that some persons who attend these "_seances_" have their nervous system so shaken as to distort their limbs, in fact, lose the use of their limbs altogether, or are "driven raving mad!"

In "The Light in the Valley," a work which I consider ought to be entitled "_Darkness_ in the Valley," but which I must do the author the justice to say is written and edited in what is evidently intended as a profound, proper, and religions spirit, and with a good intent; but however sincere and honest those pious feelings may be, they are nevertheless _distorted_ religious opinions, containing symbolical ideas as dark as any symbolical emanations ever given forth in the darkest ages.

In this work specimens are given of "_spirit writing_" and "_spirit drawing_." The "spirit writing" consists of unmeaning, unintelligible scribbling scrawls, and very rarely containing any letters or words. These productions are ascribed to a "spirit _hand_" seizing and guiding the medium's _hand_, but which is nothing more than involuntary action of the muscles under an excited and unnatural state of the nervous system; and the spirit drawings are executed under similar conditions. The drawings profess to be designed and conjointly executed in this way, by _holy_ spirits or _angels_, and are given as _sacred_ guidances to man. These are the medium's opinions and belief; but, unfortunately, too many of these sort of drawings may be seen in certain asylums. But if I know anything of religion, which I have been looking at carefully and critically for half a century; also if I know anything of designing and drawing, in which profession I have been working in my humble way for more than that time, I pronounce these spirit drawings (in the language of art) to be "out of drawing," and contrary to all healthy emanations of thought as design and composition; and instead of representing subjects or figures which would convey a proper and great idea of Divine attributes, are, in fact, caricatures of such sacred subjects.

I shall here give a few extracts from the communication of these false spirits, and spiritual explanations of these spirit scrawls and scratches; but some which I had intended to insert, upon reflection, I refrain from giving, believing that they would not only be offensive to sensible religious persons, but injurious to youthful minds. Some of the illustrations given in this book are furnished by a "drawing medium," under the titles of "Christ without Hands," "the Bearded Christ," "Christ among the Sphere," "the Woman Crucified," etc., etc. In the first of these something like a figure is scribbled in, and surrounded with scratches, called spirit writing; the "Bearded Christ" is merely a bust, very badly drawn, and produced in the same unnatural way, and surrounded by the same sort of scribbling. The _shape_ of the beard and the _atmosphere_ of the beard are, it appears, most important matters; and the author, in speaking of this, says, in describing Him, "In 'the Bearded Christ' the atmosphere of the beard, as well as the beard itself, is represented; and I am acquainted with a '_seeing_ medium,' who has seen the beard-atmosphere, not only when the beard is worn, but about the shaven chin, with sufficient precision to decide of what shape the beard would be were it allowed to grow"!!! !!! !!! !!! !!!

The subject professing to represent "Christ among the Spheres" is a better and more finished drawing; but, according to all the laws and rules of proportion, the figure of Christ, by the side of our globe, would be 30,000 miles in height, and a lily which he holds in his hand 15,000 miles long! All these gross absurdities show, that the _real_ spirit has nothing whatever to do with such absurd doctrines or productions. This "drawing medium" gives an account of the trials and sufferings, bodily and mental, which she went through before she became an accomplished and complete medium; and, according to her own statement, she must have gone through a most fearful and horrible schooling. In one part it is stated she went through "_several months of most painful bewilderment and extreme distress of mind_;" and in another part she says that the intensest antagonism between TRUTH and FALSEHOOD, between LIGHT and DARKNESS, encounters the astounded and unprepared pilgrim upon his first entrance into the realm of spirit. "I felt frequently as if enveloped in an atmosphere which sent through my whole frame warm streams of electricity in waving spirals from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet; and occasionally, generally at midnight, I was seized with twitchings and convulsive movements of my whole body, which were distressing beyond words. All these symptoms at length came to a crisis in a FRIGHTFUL TRANCE." And this _drawing medium_ signs herself "COMFORT!" and further states that--

"Waking in the night, the _strange_ drawing process instantly commenced, and I felt and saw within me the figure of an angel, whose countenance resembled that of Christ, descending from a morning sky towards me, and bearing upon his shoulders a large cross, whilst from his lips proceeded these words--'Love, mercy, peace, but not till after death.' Again my soul _trembled with anguish_, for that strange portentous word, '_death_,' was ever written within me or without. This peculiar stage of development soon produced a singular affection of my throat, an affection of the mucous membrane, which caused several times a day, and especially when rising in the morning, the _most distressing sensations_. After suffering thus for several days, the mysterious writing informed me that I must take a _certain quantity of port wine_ every day, and then the sensation would leave me." And she adds, "I followed the spiritual direction, and found almost immediate relief."

The spirit doctor, in fact, after the dreadful suffering the scholar had gone through, prescribed a "drop of comfort," a drop of the spirit of Alcohol, which spirit is very much like these rapping spirits, _deceitful_ and _dangerous_, and this, we may presume, is the reason why the medicine adopted the name of "comfort." Well, some people will say that some little _comfort_ was needed after so much _dis_comfort and suffering--but _why_, all this suffering? Cannot these spirit drawing-masters instruct their pupils in this poor, wretched, miserable style of drawing, without all this misery and punishment? If not, I should think that very few ladies or gentlemen would like to take lessons in drawing, or, indeed, in any other art, under such painful circumstances. A _spirit_ drawing-master's card would, I presume, be something like the following:--

Drawing Master.

MEDIUM SPIRIT DRAWING TAUGHT, UNDER EXTREME TORTURE,
IN TWENTY-FOUR LESSONS, AT SO MUCH ILL-HEALTH
AND SUFFERING PER LESSON.

_N.B.--Private Residence_, UNDER _the Table_.

* * All the Drawing and Writing _Materials_ to be provided by
* the Pupils. The lashing supplied by the Spirit, and the Medical
Advice Gratis; but the Pupils to find the "drop of _spirit_
comfort" themselves.]

In taking one more extract from "Comfort," I hope that I am not giving any discomfort to that "medium," who, from my _in_most heart I hope and trust, is now enjoying that rational and natural comfort which all well-wishers to their fellow-creatures wish strangers to feel, as well as their friends. The medium proceeds to say:--"Ignorance of their real nature and of their alternate purposes in the progress of civilization and development of mind, has already caused _immense misery_ in many directions, and will cause more and more, even infinitely worse, until the time arrives that the medical world will follow the example of Dr. Garth Wilkinson in his valuable pamphlet on the treatment of _lunacy_ through _spiritualism_, and calmly regard this growing development not as insanity, but as a _key whereby to unlock insanity_"!!!

I have not the slightest notion of what this pamphlet contains, but from the above very _un_comfortable opinion expressed by "Comfort" upon this matter, it seems to me that a sufficient "_key_" is here given to unlock, if not all, at all events, the greater part of the mysteries of this _spirit drawing_ and _spirit writing_, and, indeed, the whole of this spirit movement.

I would here call the attention of the medical world to the way in which the spirits are acting towards that body. I presume that they are the spirits of deceased members of the profession; and if so they are acting in a most unbrotherly, underhanded manner, in fact, undermining the profession altogether by "rapping" out prescriptions from _under the table_, for which they do not take a "rap" as a fee. Yes, "advice gratis" for nothing. I entreat medical men not to smile at my remarks, for they may be assured that there is a dark conspiracy--I cannot say "afoot," because spirits have no feet--but I may say in hand; and as matters stand at present, it looks as if "THE D. _without_ the M., and DR. FAUSTUS" had entered into a partnership to destroy all medical doctors by introducing a system which they could not only not practise, but, as far as I am able to judge, could never understand, and which, though it is given in the "_Light_ in the Valley," "_read_" they may, and "_mark_" they may, "_learn_" they cannot, and "inwardly DIGEST" they never will.

In the concluding pages of the "Light in the Valley," a letter is introduced, which is evidently written by a highly-educated person, in support of "an occult law," and from all that is stated in this letter the writer might as well have said at once, I believe in witchcraft, or that craft which enables an ignorant old woman, who is called a "witch," to make contracts with the Evil One, for the purpose of torturing, or making miserable for life, or destroying unto death, her neighbours, their children, or their cattle; and that an ignorant old man, under the name of a "wizard," may do the same; also, in astrology, or "ruling the stars," to predict coming events, or the future fate of individuals born at particular periods of the year, according to the position of the stars at that time; or in "fortune-telling," performed either by "crossing the hand" with a piece of money, got out of some simpleton's pocket for that purpose, but which never gets back there again; or by bits of paper, called "cards;" to which also may be added, as a matter of course, I believe in ghosts, hobgoblins, and in everything of a supernatural character.

We can readily understand why the ignorant and uneducated believe in all these matters; the cause is traced and known; but it seems almost impossible to believe that educated persons, even with a small amount of reflection, can put their faith in such superstitious delusions; and if the question is put to such persons, as "show us any good" resulting in the existence of an "occult law," we may safely defy any one to show _one instance, where any good has ever resulted from such a belief_ in what they term the deep "arcana of Nature's book," or rather unnatural nonsense. Whereas, on the other hand, the amount of evil arising from this source has been fearfully great, and the murders many; dragging poor old creatures through ponds, and hanging them, and even torturing them to death in a way too disgusting to describe. Our own records are, unfortunately, too massive of such ignorant and savage atrocities; but not only were such deeds enacted in this (at that time) so misnamed Christian land, but also in other countries denominated Christian; but which title their brutal acts gave them, like ourselves, no right to assume; not only in Europe, but also in America. In that country, about the year 1642, many poor old women were persecuted to death. One woman was hung at Salem for bewitching four children, and the eldest daughter afterwards confessed to the tricks that she and her sisters had played in pretending to be "bewitched."

But in our own time we find that this belief in the power of foretelling events leads to much mischief and misery, and from certain facts we may be assured that there is a larger amount of evil from this cause than is made known to the public. The "occult law" leads to many breaches of the law of the land, and to serious crime; it opens the door to gross imposture, swindling, and robbery, misleading the minds of simple people, and turning their conduct and ways from their proper and natural course, and the strange _unaccountable_ conduct of some persons might be easily accounted for, when traced to this "fortune-telling" foolery. The happiness of one family was destroyed only the other day by a deaf and dumb "ruler of the stars," who is now in penal servitude, and who would have been executed had the offence been committed some years back. Several such "rulers of the stars," or "fortune-tellers," have been hung for similar crimes, in my time, one I remember was a black man, hung at the Old Bailey.

The _clothes test_ cannot be brought to bear upon the predicting of events, but there is a _test_, which may be brought with equal force upon this question, which is, that although these prophets profess to tell what is going to happen to others, THEY CANNOT FORETELL WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO THEMSELVES, for if they could, they would have, of course, avoided the punishments which the law has, and is constantly inflicting upon them for their offences. And Mr. "Zadkiel," for instance, would not have brought his action against Admiral Sir Edward Belcher, if he could have _foreseen_ the result; after which, no doubt, he cried out, "Oh! my stars!--if I had known as much as I know now, I never would have gone into court!"

A "Bow Street officer" (as a branch of the old police were styled) told me that he had a warrant to take up a female fortune-teller, who was plucking the geese to a large amount. Her principal dupes were females, and he being a _gander_ had some difficulty in managing to get an introduction (for this tribe of swindlers use as much caution as they can). He however succeeded in getting the _wise_ woman to tell him his fortune, for which he professed himself much obliged, and told her that as he had a little faculty in that way himself, he would in return, tell her, her fortune, which was, that she was that morning going before the magistrate at Bow Street, who had some power in this way also, and he would likewise tell her her fortune. She smiled at first and would not believe in what he said, but he showed her the warrant, and all came true that he had told her; but nothing came _true_ of what she had told him.

From the high and pure character of many persons well known to me, who are mixed up in these _seances_, it is _almost_ impossible not to believe their statements of these wonders, the truth of which wonders they so _positively_ assert. _If_ true, they are _indeed_ wonderful; but _if tricks_, then do they surpass all other tricks, ever performed by all the "sleight of hand" gentry put together, who ever bamboozled poor credulous, simple creatures, or astonished and puzzled a delighted audience. There can be but _two sides_ to a question, _true_ or _false_; and, as already hinted, it remains for the mediums to prove their case, and to place the matter in a better light than it stands at present, which is indeed a very dim and uncertain sort of "night light;" but as, up to this time, their assertions are at variance with what has hitherto been considered as sound sense and understanding, those outside the "circle" have not only a right, to be cautious of stepping into such a circle, but, until some more reasonable reasons are given--even putting aside the _cui bono_ for the present--unless some rational natural cause can be assigned, they have a right to suspect the whole, either as a _Delusion_ or a _Disease_.

But even if this party _prove_, that these "thing-em bobs" are _real_ spirits, they appear to be so dreadful and dangerous, and there really is such a "_strong_ family likeness" between some of them, and a certain "_Old Gentleman_," that I would say "the less they have to do with them the better;" but even supposing they are not "so black as they are painted" (by their mediums), if even they are a sort of "half-and-half," nevertheless, I would say--

"Rest, rest, perturbed spirits rest;"
For if not for you, for us 'twill be the best.

There _may_ be, as already observed, more things _between_ heaven and earth than were dreamt of in the philosophy of Horatio; but let the "inquiring spirit" _rest_ assured that amongst these "things" there could not be included the _Ghost_ of IRON ARMOUR; and though 'tis said "there's nothing like leather," yet none of these said "things" could have been the LEATHER of "TOP-BOOTS"--no, not even the LEATHER of the "TOPS" nor the LEATHER of the "SOLES" thereof.

In concluding, I will just add to this Addenda, that,--

Although I _have_ seen, (in the "mirage," in the sky)
A ship "upside down," the great hull and big sails,
No one, has ever yet seen, such things, as the _Ghosts_,
Of HATS or WIGS, or of short, or long PIG-TAILS.

And this is the "long and the short" of my

DISCOVERY CONCERNING GHOSTS,
with
A RAP AT THE RAPPERS.

THE END.

HABBILD, PRINTER, LONDON.

TO BE PUBLISHED BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

PUSS IN BOOTS,

TO FORM No. 4 OF

GEORGE CRUIKSHANKS FAIRY LIBRARY.

The other Numbers already Published being

HOP O MY THUMB,

JACK AND THE BEAN-STALK,

AND

CINDERELLA.

ALSO, PREPARING FOR PUBLICATION,

THE ADVENTURES OF MR. LAMBKIN;

OR, THE BACHELOR'S OWN BOOK.

NOW ON SALE,

THE SHILLING EDITION OF

THE BOTTLE.

* * * * *

THE LOVING BALLAD OF LORD BATEMAN.
COMIC ALPHABET.
ILLUSTRATIONS OF SIR WALTER SCOTT'S DEMONOLOGY AND WITCHCRAFT.

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