Chapter I: Front Matter

SOMETHING ELSE AGAIN

_By_

FRANKLIN P. ADAMS

_Author of_ "_By and Large_," "_In Other Words_," "_Tobogganing on Parnassus_," "_Weights and Measures_," _Etc._

DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & COMPANY GARDEN CITY NEW YORK LONDON 1920

COPYRIGHT, 1920.

DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & COMPANY ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, INCLUDING THAT OF TRANSLATION INTO FOREIGN LANGUAGES, INCLUDING THE SCANDINAVIAN

To MONTAGUE GLASS

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

The author wishes to thank the _New York Tribune_, _Life_, _Harper's Magazine_, _Collier's Weekly_, and _The Home Sector_, for their kind permission to include in this volume material which has appeared in their pages.

CONTENTS

PAGE

Present Imperative 3

The Doughboy's Horace 5

From: Horace To: Phyllis 7

Advising Chloe 8

To an Aged Cut-up I 9

II 10

His Monument 11

Glycera Rediviva! 12

On a Wine of Horace's 13

"What Flavour?" 14

The Stalling of Q. H. F. 15

On the Flight of Time 16

The Last Laugh 17

Again Endorsing the Lady I 19

II 20

Propertius's Bid for Immortality 21

A Lament 23

Bon Voyage--and Vice Versa 24

Fragment 25

On the Uses of Adversity 26

After Hearing "Robin Hood" 27

Maud Muller Mutatur 28

The Carlyles 31

If Amy Lowell Had Been James Whitcomb Riley 35

If the Advertising Man Had Been Gilbert 37

If the Advertising Man Had Been Praed, or Locker 39

Georgie Porgie 40

On First Looking into Bee Palmer's Shoulders 41

To a Vers Librist 43

How Do You Tackle Your Work? 45

Recuerdo 48

On Tradition 51

Unshackled Thoughts on Chivalry, Romance, Adventure, Etc. 52

Results Ridiculous 53

Regarding (1) the U. S. and (2) New York 54

Broadmindedness 55

The Jazzy Bard 56

Lines on and from "Bartlett's Familiar Quotations" 57

Thoughts in a Far Country 58

When You Meet a Man from Your Own Home Town 59

The Shepherd's Resolution 61

"It Was a Famous Victory" 62

On Profiteering 63

Despite 64

The Return of the Soldier 65

"I Remember, I Remember" 66

The Higher Education 68

War and Peace 69

Fifty-Fifty 70

"So Shines a Good Deed in a Naughty World" 71

Vain Words 72

On the Importance of Being Earnest 73

It Happens in the B. R. Families 74

Abelard and Heloise 77

Lines Written on the Sunny Side of Frankfort Street 79

Fifty-Fifty 80

To Myrtilla 81

A Psalm of Labouring Life 82

Ballade of Ancient Acts 84

To a Prospective Cook 85

Variation on a Theme 86

"Such Stuff as Dreams" 88

The Ballad of Justifiable Homicide 89

The Ballad of the Murdered Merchant 90

A Gotham Garden of Verses 92

Lines on Reading Frank J. Wilstach's "A Dictionary of Similes" 94

The Dictaphone Bard 95

The Comfort of Obscurity 97

Ballade of the Traffickers 98

To W. Hohenzollern, on Discontinuing The Conning Tower 100

To W. Hohenzollern, on Resuming The Conning Tower 103

Thoughts on the Cosmos 105

On Environment 106

The Ballad of the Thoughtless Waiter 107

Rus Vs. Urbs 109

"I'm Out of the Army Now" 110

"Oh Man!" 112

An Ode in Time of Inauguration 113

What the Copy Desk Might Have Done 124

Song of Synthetic Virility 133

SOMETHING ELSE AGAIN

Present Imperative

Horace: Book I, Ode 11

_"Tu ne quaesieris--scire nefas--quem mihi; quem tibi----"_

AD LEUCONOEN

Nay, query not, Leuconoe, the finish of the fable; Eliminate the worry as to what the years may hoard! You only waste your time upon the Babylonian Table-- (Slang for the Ouija board).

And as to whether Jupiter, the final, unsurpassed one, May add a lot of winters to our portion here below, Or this impinging season is to be our very last one-- Really, I'd hate to know.

Apply yourself to wisdom! Sweep the floor and wash the dishes, Nor dream about the things you'll do in 1928! My counsel is to cease to sit and yearn about your wishes, Cursing the throws of Fate.

My! how I have been chattering on matters sad and pleasant! (Endure with me a moment while I polish off a rhyme). If I were you, I think, I'd bother only with the present-- Now is the only time.

The Doughboy's Horace

Horace: Book III, Ode 9

"Donec eram gratus tibi----"

HORACE, PVT. ----TH INFANTRY, A. E. F., WRITES:

While I was fussing you at home You put the notion in my dome That I was the Molasses Kid. I batted strong. I'll say I did.

LYDIA, ANYBURG, U. S. A., WRITES:

While you were fussing me alone To other boys my heart was stone. When I was all that you could see No girl had anything on me.

HORACE:

Well, say, I'm having some romance With one Babette, of Northern France. If that girl gave me the command I'd dance a jig in No Man's Land.

LYDIA:

I, too, have got a young affair With Charley--say, that boy is _there_! I'd just as soon go out and die If I thought it'd please that guy.

HORACE:

Suppose I can this foreign wren And start things up with you again? Suppose I promise to be good? I'd love you, Lyd. I'll say I would.

LYDIA:

Though Charley's good and handsome--_oh_, boy! And you're a stormy, fickle doughboy, Go give the Hun his final whack, And I'll marry you when you come back.

From: Horace To: Phyllis Subject: Invitation