Chapter VII: Epilogue: ,

Written by MILES-PETER ANDREWS, Esq.

Spoken by Mrs. MATTOCKS.

Since all are sprung, they say, from Mother Earth,
Why stamp a merit or disgrace on birth?
Yet so it is, however we disguise it,
All boast their origin, or else despise it.
This pride or shame haunts ev'ry living soul
From Hyde-park Corner, down to Limehouse Hole:
Peers, taylors, poets, statesmen, undertakers,
Knights, squires, man-milliners, and peruke-makers.
_Sir Hugh Glengluthglin_, from the land of goats,
Tho' out at elbows, shews you all his coats;
And rightful heir to _twenty pounds_ per annum,
Boasts the rich blood that warm'd his great great grannam;
While wealthy Simon Soapsuds; just be knighted,
Struck with the sword of state, is grown dim sighted,
Forgets the neighbouring chins he used to lather,
And scarcely knows he ever had a father.

Our Author, then, correct in every line,
From nature's characters hath pictur'd mine;
For many a lofty fair, who, friz'd and curl'd,
With crest of horse hair, tow'ring thro' the world,
To powder, paste, and pins, ungrateful grown,
Thinks the full periwig is all her own;
Proud of her conquering ringlets, onward goes,
Nor thanks the barber, from whose hands she rose.

Thus doth false pride fantastic minds mislead,
And make our weaker sex seem weak indeed:
Suppose, to prove this truth, in mirthful strain,
We bring the _Dripping family_ again.--
Papa, a tallow chandler by descent,
Had read "how _larning_ is most excellent:"
So Miss, returned from boarding school at Bow,
Waits to be finished by Mama and Co.--
"_See, spouse, how spruce our Nan is grown, and tall_;
_I'll lay, she cuts a dash at Lord Mayor's ball_."--
In bolts the maid--"_Ma'am! Miss's master's come_";--
Away fly Ma' and Miss to dancing room--
"_Walk in, Mounseer; come_, Nan, _draw up like me_."--
"_Ma foi! Madame, Miss like you as two pea._"--
Mounseer takes out his kit; the scene begins;
Miss trusses up; my lady Mother grins;--
"_Ma'amselle, me teach a you de step to tread_;
_First turn you toe, den turn you littel head_;
_One, two, dree, sinka, risa, balance; bon_,
_Now entrechat, and now de cotillon_."
[Singing and dancing about.
"_Pardieu, Ma'amselle be one enchanting girl_;
_Me no surprise to see her ved an Earl_."--
"_With all my heart," says Miss; "Mounseer, I'm ready_;
_I dream'd last night, Ma, I should be a Lady_."

Thus do the _Drippings_, all important grown,
Expect to shine with lustre not their own;
New airs are got; fresh graces, and fresh washes,
New caps, new gauze, new feathers, and new sashes;
Till just complete for conquest at Guildhall,
Down comes an order to suspend the ball.
Miss Shrieks, Ma' scolds, Pa' seems to have lost his tether;
Caps, custards, coronets--all sink together--
Papa resumes his jacket, dips away,
And Miss lives single, till next Lord Mayor's day.

If such the _sorrow_, and if such the strife,
That break the comforts of domestic life,
Look to the hero, who this night appears,
Whose boundless excellence the World reveres;
Who, friend to nature, by no blood confin'd,
Is the glad relative of all mankind.

* * * * * *

Transcriber's note:

Contemporary spelling, hyphenation and punctuation (including placement of apostrophes) have generally been retained even where inconsistent.

The following changes were made to the text:

In ACT 1, Scene 1, the misspelling "underderstand" was corrected in the speech:

_Sir Luke._ _Politesse!_ how shou'd you understand what is
real _politesse_?

In ACT 4, Scene 1, the misspelling "cant't" was corrected in the speech:

_Sir Luke._ And I can't say I wonder at your blushing.

In ACT 5, Scene 3, the misspelling "Lady Ter." was corrected in the passage:

_Lady Tre._ [_Without._] Where is the poor creature?

Shortly afterwards, in a speech by Haswell, the spelling "Aureila's" was regularised as follows:

(...) might I plead, Sir Luke, for your interest with
Aurelia's friends (...)

In the speech by Sir Luke that follows, "you" was changed to "your" in the passage:

_Sir Luke._ As for that, Mr. Haswell, you have so much
interest at court, that your taking the young man under your
protection----