Chapter V: Part 5

Malone sighed. Some men, he told himself, had all the luck. But, of course, Lou had to be polite, too. She didn’t really like Petkoff, he told himself; she was just being diplomatic. And he had made some progress with her on the plane, he thought.

He looked over at Her Majesty, but the Queen was staring abstractedly at a crystal chandelier. Malone sighed again, took a little caviar and washed it down with vodka. The vodka felt nice and warm, he thought vaguely. Vodka was good. It was too bad that the people who made such good vodka had to be enemies. But that was the way things were, he told himself philosophically.

Terrible. That’s how things were.

The fox-trot went to its conclusion. Malone saw Petkoff, chatting animatedly with Lou, lead her off to a small bar at the opposite side of the room. “Some people,” he muttered, “have too much luck. Or too much diplomacy.”

Her Majesty was tugging at his arm. That, Malone thought, was going to be more bad news.

It was.

“Sir Kenneth,” she said softly, “do you realize that this place is full of MVD men? Of course you don’t; I haven’t told you yet.”

Malone opened his mouth, shut it again, and thought in a hurry. If the place were full of MVD men, that meant they probably had it bugged. And that meant several things, all of them unpleasant. Her Majesty shouldn’t have said anything—she shouldn’t have shown any nervousness or anxiety in the first place, she shouldn’t have known there were so many MVD men in the second place—because there was no way for her to know, except through her telepathy, a little secret Malone did not want the Russians to find out about. And she should definitely, most definitely, not have called him “Sir Kenneth.”

“Oh,” Her Majesty said. “I am sorry, Sir—er—Mr. Malone. You’re quite right, you know.”

“Sure,” Malone said. “Well. My goodness.” He thought of something to say, and said it at once. “Of course there are MVD men here. This is just the place for good old MVD men to come when they go off duty. A nice, relaxing place full of fun and dancing and food and vodka....” And he was thinking, at the same time: _Are they doing anything odd?_

“Russian, you know,” Her Majesty said, almost conversationally, “is an extremely difficult language. It takes a great deal of practice to learn to think in it really fluently.”

“Yes, I should think it would,” Malone said absently. _You mean you haven’t been able to pick up what these people are thinking?_

“Oh, one can get the main outlines,” Her Majesty went on, “but a really full knowledge is nearly impossible. Though, of course, it isn’t quite as bad as all that. A man who speaks both languages, like our dear Major Petkoff, for instance—so charming, so full of _joie de vivre_—could be an invaluable assistant to anyone interested in learning exactly how Russians really think.” She smiled nervously. Her face was suddenly set and strained. “I find that—”

She stopped then, very suddenly. Her eyes widened, and her right hand reached out to grasp Malone’s arm more strongly than he had thought she ever could. “Sir Kenneth!” Her voice, all restraint gone, was a hissing whisper. Malone started to say something, but Her Majesty went on, her eyes wide. “Do something quickly!” she said.

“What?” Malone said.

“They’ve put something in Lou’s drink!” Her Majesty hissed.

Malone was on his feet before she’d finished, and he took a step across the room.

“She’s already swallowed it!” the Queen said. “Do something! Quickly!”

The dancers on the floor were no concern of his, Malone told himself grimly. He didn’t decide to move; he was on his way before any thought filtered through into his mind. Officers and their ladies looked after him with shocked stupor as he plowed his way across the dance floor, using legs, elbows, shoulders and anything else that allowed him free passage. Sometimes the dancers managed to get out of his way. Sometimes they didn’t. It was all the same to Kenneth J. Malone.

Her Majesty followed in his wake, silent and stricken, scurrying after him like a small destroyer following a battleship, or like a ball-carrying grandmother following up her interference.

Malone caught sight of Lou, standing at the bar. In that second, she seemed to realize for the first time that something was wrong. She pushed herself violently away from the bar, and looked frantically around, her mouth opening to call. Petkoff was a blur next to her; Malone didn’t look at him clearly. Lou took a step....

And two men with broken, lumpy faces came through a door somewhere in the rear of the restaurant, closer to her than Malone. Petkoff suddenly swam into sight; he was standing very still and looking entirely baffled.

Malone pushed through a pair of dancers, ignored their glares and the man’s hissed insult, which he didn’t understand anyhow, and found his view suddenly blocked by a large expanse of dark grey.

It was somebody’s chest, in a uniform. Malone shifted his gaze half an inch and saw a row of gold buttons. He looked upward.

There, towering above him, was a face. It stared down, looking heavy and cruel and stupid. Malone, his legs still carrying him forward, bounced off the chest and staggered back a step or two. He heard a hissed curse behind him, and realized without thinking about it that he had managed to collide with the same pair of dancers again. He didn’t look around to see them. Instead, he looked ahead, at the giant who blocked his path.

The man was about six feet six inches tall, a great Mongol who weighed about a sixth of a ton. But he didn’t look fat; he looked strong instead, and enormously massive. Malone sidestepped, and the Mongol moved slightly to block him. To one side, Malone saw Her Majesty scurrying by. The Mongol was apparently more interested in Malone than in trying to stop sweet little old ladies. Malone saw Her Majesty heading for the bar, and forgot about her for the second.

The Mongol shifted again to block Malone’s forward progress.

“What seems to be such great hurry, _Tovarishch_?” he said in a voice that sounded like an earthquake warning. “Have you no culture? Why you run across floor in such impolite manner?”

The man might have been blocking his way because of Lou, or might simply want to teach an uncultured _Amerikanski_ a lesson. Malone couldn’t tell which, and it didn’t seem to matter. He whirled and reached for a glass of vodka standing momentarily unattended on a nearby table.

He tossed the vodka at the giant’s eyes, and scooted around the mountain of flesh before it erupted with a volcanic succession of Russian curses that shook the room with their volume and sincerity.

But Lou and Her Majesty were nowhere in sight. Major Petkoff was staring, and Malone followed his line of sight.

A door in the rear of the restaurant was just closing. Behind it Malone saw Her Majesty and Lou, disappearing from sight.

Malone knocked over a waiter and headed for Petkoff. “What’s going on here?” he bellowed over the crash of dishes and the rising wave of Russian profanity.

Petkoff shrugged magnificently. “I have no ideas, colleague,” he said. “I have no ideas.”

“But she—”

“Miss Garbitsch was taken suddenly ill,” Petkoff said.

“Damn sudden,” Malone growled.

“Her friend, Miss Thompson, has taken her to the ladies’ room,” Petkoff said. He gestured, narrowly missing a broken, lumpy face Malone had seen before.

“You are under arrest,” the face said. Its partner peered over Petkoff’s shoulder.

“I?” Petkoff said.

“Not you,” the face said. “Him.” He started for Malone and Petkoff threw out both arms.

“Hold!” he said. “My orders are to see that this man is not molested.”

The guests had suddenly and silently melted away. Malone backed off a step, looking for something to stage a fight with.

“On the other hand, Comrade,” one of the lumpy-faced men said, “we have orders also.”

“My orders—” Petkoff began.

“Your orders do not exist,” the other lumpy man said. “We are to arrest this man. Our orders say so.”

“You are fools,” Petkoff said. He spread his arms wider, blocking both of them. Malone edged back against the bar, feeling behind him for a bottle or maybe a bungstarter. Instead, his hand touched a sleeve.

A voice behind him bellowed: “Cease!”

The two lumpy-faced men goggled. Petkoff did not move.

Malone turned, and saw a tall, thin civilian with dark glasses. “Cease,” the civilian repeated. “It is the girl we are to arrest! The girl!”

“This is not a girl,” one of the lumpy men said. “Sir. We are to arrest this man. Our orders say distinctly—”

“Never mind your orders!” Petkoff said. “Go and reduce your orders to shreds and stuff them up your nostrils and die of suffocation! My orders say—”

“The girl!” the civilian said. “Where is the girl?”

Malone darted forward. Petkoff caught him neatly with one arm as he went by. “Until we decide what to do,” the MVD man said, “you stay here.” Malone bucked against him, but could get nowhere. “Meanwhile,” Petkoff said, “I am for letting you go.”

“I appreciate it,” Malone said through his teeth. “How about proving it?”

“If you let him go,” a lumpy man said, “you will answer to our group head.”

Petkoff tightened his hold protectively. Meanwhile, the civilian was climbing up into a stratospheric rage.

“You are dolts, imbeciles, worms without brains and walking bellies filled with carrion!” he said magnificently. “I have orders which I am sworn to carry out!”

“You are not alone,” Petkoff said.

Malone took another try at a getaway, and failed.

“We take precedence,” a lumpy man said. “We can talk later. Arrest comes first.”

“But who?” the civilian snapped. “I insist—”

“There shall be no arrest!” Petkoff screamed. “No one is to be arrested at all!”

“I swear by the bones of Stalin that my orders state—” the tall man began.

“The bones of Stalin are with us!” a lumpy man said. “Go and die in a kennel filled with fleas and old newspaper! Go and freeze to the likeness of an obscene statue of a bourgeois deity! Go and hang by the ears from a monument four thousand feet high in the center of the great desert!”

Inspired, the other lumpy man screamed “Charge!” and came for Petkoff and the civilian. Petkoff whirled, letting go of Malone in order to beat back this wave of maddened attackers, and Malone took the advantage. He ducked free under Petkoff’s left arm and started around the gesticulating, screaming, fighting group for the door at the back of the restaurant. He took exactly four steps.

Then he stopped. The Mongol, his eyes red with a combination of vodka and bull-roaring rage, was charging toward him, his hands outflung and his fingers grasping at the air. “Warmonger!” he was shouting. “Capitalist slave-owner! Leprous and ancient cannibal without culture! You have begun a war you can not finish!”

“Ha!” Malone said, feeling inadequate to the occasion. As the Mongol charged, he felt a wave of intense pragmatism come over him. He reached back toward the bar, grabbed a bottle of vodka and tossed several glassfuls into the giant’s face. The Mongol, deluged and screaming, clawed wildly at his eyes and spun round several times, cursing Malone and all his kin for the next twenty-seven generations, and grabbing thin air in his attempt to reach the _Amerikanski_.

All of the customers appeared to have discovered urgent engagements elsewhere. There was little for the Mongol to collide with except empty tables and chairs. But he did manage to swipe one of the lumpy-faced men on the side of the head with one flail of his arms. The lumpy-faced man said “Yoop!” and went staggering away into Petkoff, who spun him around and threw him away in the general direction of the bandstand. The diversion provided Malone with just enough time to start moving again.

Four uniformed men were making their way toward the ladies’ room from the opposite side of the restaurant. They were carrying a stretcher, which seemed pitifully inadequate for the carnage Malone had just left.

He blocked their path. “Where are you going?” he said.

“You are American?” one of them said. “I speak English good, no?”

Behind him, Malone heard a yowl and a crunch, as of a body striking wood. It sounded as if somebody had fetched up against the bar. “You speak English fine,” he said, feeling wildly out of place. “Have you been taking lessons?”

“Me?” the man said. “It is no time for talk. We got to get lady for hospital.”

“Lady?” Malone said. “For hospital?”

“Miss Garbitsch her name is,” the stretcher-man said, trying to get past Malone. The FBI agent shifted slightly, blocking the path. “We wait outside one revolution—”

“One what?”

“When hands revolve once,” the man said. “One hour. Now we get call so we take her to hospital.”

It sounded suspicious to Malone. He heard more yells behind him, and they sounded a little closer. The sound of running men came to his ears. “Well,” he said happily, “goodbye all.”

The stretcher-bearer said, “Vot?” Malone shoved him backward into the approaching mob, grabbed the stretcher away from the other three men, who were acting a little dazed, and swung it in a wide arc. He caught an MVD man in the stomach, and the man doubled up with a weird whistling groan, turned slightly in agony, and hit another MVD man with his bowed head. The second man fell; Malone heard more crashes and screaming, but he didn’t find out any details. Instead, he threw the stretcher at the milling mob and turned, already in motion, racing for the ladies’ room.

He had no notion of what he was going to do when he got there, or what he was going to find. Her Majesty and Lou were in there, all right, but how were they going to get out without being arrested, clubbed, disemboweled or taken to a Russian hospital for God alone knew what novel purposes?

His mind was still a little foggy from the vast amounts of vodka he had poured down, and he wasn’t in the least sure that teleportation would even work. He tried to figure out whether Her Majesty had already carried Lou off that way—but he doubted it. Lou was quite a burden for the old woman. And besides, he wasn’t at all sure whether it was possible to teleport a human being. A lump of inanimate matter is one thing; an intelligent woman with a mind of her own is definitely something else.

It seemed to take forever for him to reach the door, and he was panting heavily when he reached for it. Suddenly, another hand shot in front of his, turning the doorknob. Malone looked up.

It was impossible to figure out where she had come from, or what she thought she was doing, but a bulging, slightly intoxicated Russian matron with bluish hair piled high on her head, a rusty orange dress and altogether too many jewels scattered here and there about her ample person, stood regarding him with a mixture of scorn, surprise and shock.

Malone crowded her aside without a thought and jerked the door open. Behind her he could see the melee still continuing, though it looked by now as if the Russians weren’t very sure who they were supposed to be fighting. The Mongol’s great head rose for a second above the storm, shouting something unintelligible, and dropped again into the crowd.

Malone focused on the matron, who was standing with her mouth open staring at him.

“Madam,” he said with stern dignity, “wait your turn!”

He ducked inside and slammed the door behind him. There was a small knob to bolt the door with, and he used it. But it wasn’t going to hold long, he knew. If the mob outside ever got straightened out, the door would go down like a piece of cardboard, bolt or no bolt. Undoubtedly the gigantic Mongol could do the job with one hand tied behind his back.

Malone turned around and put his own back to the door. Women were looking up and making up their minds whether or not to scream. Time stood absolutely still, and nobody seemed to be moving—not even the two directly before him: a frightened-looking little old lady, who was trying to hold up a semiconscious redhead.

And, somewhere behind him, he knew, was a howling mob of thoroughly maddened Russians.

8

The door rattled against Malone’s back as a hand twisted the knob and shook it. He braced himself for the next assault, and it came: the shudder of a heavy body slamming up against it. Miraculously, the door held, at least for the moment. But the roars outside were growing louder and louder as the second team came up.

Where was the Mongol? he wondered. But there was no time for idle contemplation. The scene inside the room demanded his immediate attention.

He was in the anteroom, a gilded and decorated parlor filled with overstuffed chairs and couches. There was a door at the far side of the room, and a woman suddenly came out of it holding a pocketbook in one hand and a large powder-puff in the other. She saw Malone and reacted instantly.

Her scream seemed to be a signal. The two other women sitting on couches screamed, too, and jumped up with their hands to their faces. Malone shouted something unintelligible but very loud at them and brandished a fist menacingly. They shrieked again and ran for the interior room.

Malone heard the roaring outside, and pressed his back tighter against the door. Then, suddenly, he broke away from it and ran over to Her Majesty and Lou. He looked down. Lou was apparently completely unconscious by this time, and there was a peaceful look on her face. The Queen looked down at her, then up at Malone.

“I’m sorry, Sir Kenneth,” she said, “but we really haven’t time for romantic thoughts just now.”

Malone passed a hand over his brow. “We haven’t got time for anything,” he said. “You can see what’s going on outside.”

“My goodness,” Her Majesty said. “Oh, yes. My goodness, yes.”

“Okay,” Malone said. “We’ve got to teleport out, if we can—and if we can take Lou with us.”

“I don’t know, Sir Kenneth,” the Queen said.

“We’ve got to try,” Malone said grimly, looking down. There was a crash as something hit the door. It shuddered, creaked, and held. Malone took a breath. Lou was too beautiful to leave behind, no matter what.

“I’ll mesh my mind with yours,” Her Majesty said, “so we’ll be synchronized.”

“Right,” Malone said. “The plane. Let’s go.”

There was another crash, but he hardly heard it. He closed his eyes and tried to visualize the interior of the plane that was waiting for them at the airfield. He wasn’t sure he could do it; the vodka might have clouded his mental processes just enough to make teleporting impossible. He concentrated. The crash came again, and a shout. He almost had it ... he almost had it....

The last sound he heard was the splintering of the door, and a great shout that was cut off in the middle.

Malone opened his eyes.

“We made it,” he said softly. “And I wonder what the MVD is going to think.”

Her Majesty took a deep breath. “My goodness,” she said. “That _was_ exciting, wasn’t it?”

“Not half as exciting as it’s going to be if we don’t hurry now,” Malone said. “If you know what I mean.”

“I do,” Her Majesty said.

“That’s good,” Malone said at random. “I don’t.” He helped the Queen ease the unconscious body of Luba Garbitsch into one of the padded seats, and Malone pushed a switch. The seat gave a tiny squeak of protest, and then folded back into a flat bedlike arrangement. Lou was arranged on this comfortable surface, and Malone took a deep breath. “Take care of her for a minute, Your Majesty,” he said.

“Of course,” the Queen said.

Malone nodded. “I’m going to see who’s up front,” he said. He walked through the corridors of the plane and rapped authoritatively on the door of the pilot’s cabin. A second passed, and he raised his hand to knock again.

It never reached the door, which opened very suddenly. Malone found himself facing a small black hole.

It was the muzzle and the bore of the barrel of an M-2 .45 revolver, and it was pointing somewhere in the space between Malone’s eyes. Behind the gun was a hard-eyed air force colonel with a grim expression.

“You know,” Malone said pleasantly, “they’re good guns, but they really can’t compare to the .44 Magnum.”

The pilot blinked, and his gun wavered just a little. “What?” he said.

“Well,” Malone said, “if you’d only join the FBI, like me, you’d have a .44 Magnum, and you could compare the guns.”

The pilot blinked again. “You’re—”

“Malone,” Malone said. “Kenneth J. Malone, FBI. My friends call me Snookums, but don’t try it. Why not let’s put the gun away and be friends?”

“Oh,” the colonel said weakly. “Mr.—sure. I’m sorry, Mr. Malone. Didn’t recognize you for a second there.”

“Perfectly all right,” Malone said. The gun was still pointing at him, and in spite of the fact that he felt pleasantly like Philip Marlowe, or maybe the Saint, he was beginning to get a little nervous. “The gun,” he said.

The colonel stared at it for a second, then reholstered it in a hurry. “I am sorry,” he said. “But we’ve been worried about Russians coming aboard. I’ve got my copilot and navigator outside, guarding the plane, and they were supposed to let me know if anybody came in. When they didn’t let me know, and you knocked, I assumed you were Russians. But, of course, you—”

Conversation came to a sudden dead stop.

“About these Russians—” Malone said desperately. But the pilot’s eyes got a little glazed. He wasn’t listening.

“Now, wait a minute,” he said. “Why _didn’t_ they notify me?”

“Maybe they didn’t see me,” Malone said. “I mean us.”

“But—”

“I’m not very noticeable,” Malone said hopefully, trying to look small and undistinguished. “They could just have ... not noticed me. Okay?” He gave the pilot his most friendly smile.

“They’d have noticed you,” the pilot said. “If they’re still out there. If nothing’s happened to them.” He leaned forward. “Did you see them, Malone?”

Malone shrugged. “How would I know?” he said.

“How would you—” The pilot seemed at a loss for words. Malone waited patiently, trying to look as if everything were completely and perfectly normal. “Mr. Malone,” the pilot said at last, “how _did_ you get aboard this aircraft?”

He didn’t wait for an answer, and Malone was grateful for that. Instead, he stepped over to a viewport and looked out. On the field, two air force officers were making lonely rounds about the plane. Fifty yards farther away, a squad of Russian guards also patrolled the brightly-lit area. There was nothing else in sight.

“There isn’t any way you could have done it,” the pilot said without turning.

“That’s the FBI for you,” Malone said. “We’ve got our little trade secrets, you know.” Somehow, the pilot’s back looked unconvinced. “Disguise,” Malone added. “We’re masters of disguise.”

The pilot turned very slowly. “Now what the hell would you disguise yourself as?” he said. “A Piper Cub?”

“It’s a military secret,” Malone said hurriedly.

The pilot didn’t say anything for what seemed a long time. “A military secret?” he asked at last, in a hushed voice. “And you can’t tell me? You’re a civilian, and I’m a colonel in the United States Air Force, and you can’t tell me a military secret?”

Malone didn’t hesitate a second. “Well, Colonel,” he said cheerfully, “that’s the way things are.”

The pilot threw up his hands. “It’s none of my business,” he said loudly. “I’m not even going to think about it. Because if I do, you’ll have a mad pilot on your hands, and you wouldn’t like that, would you?”

“I would hate it,” Malone said sincerely, “like hell. Particularly since I’ve got a sick woman aboard.”

“Disguised,” the pilot offered, “as Lenin, I suppose.”

Malone shook his head. “I’m not kidding now,” he said. “She is sick, and I want a doctor for her.”

“Why didn’t you bring one with you?” the pilot said. “Or wasn’t the disguise big enough for three?”

“Four,” Malone said. “We’ve got three now; me and Miss Garbitsch and Miss Thompson. Lou—Miss Garbitsch is the one who’s sick. But I want a doctor from the American Embassy.”

“I think we could all use one,” the pilot said judiciously. “But you’d better tell me what’s the matter with the girl.”

Malone gave him a brief and highly censored version of the melee at Trotkin’s, particularly omitting the details of the final escape from the MVD men.

When he had finished, the pilot gave a long, low whistle. “You have been having fun,” he said. “Can I go on your next adventure, or is it only for accredited Rover Boys?”

“You have to buy a pin and a special compass that works in the dark,” Malone said. “I don’t think you’d like it. How about that doctor?”

The pilot nodded wearily. “I’ll send my navigator over to the airfield phone,” he said. “As a matter of fact, I’ll tell him to tell the doctor I’m the one who’s sick, so the Russians don’t get suspicious. It may even be true.”

“Just so he gets here,” Malone said. The pilot was flagging his navigator through the viewport as Malone went out, closing the door gently behind him. He went back down the plane corridor to Her Majesty and Lou.

Lou was still lying on the makeshift bed, her eyes closed. She looked more beautiful and defenseless than ever, and Malone wanted to do something big and terrible to all the Russians who had tried to take her away or dope her. With difficulty, he restrained himself. “How is she?” he asked.

“She seems to be all right,” the Queen said. “The substance they put in her drink doesn’t appear to have had any other effect than putting her to sleep and making her a little sick—and that was a good thing.”

“Oh, sure,” Malone said. “That was fine.”

“Well,” Her Majesty said, “she did get rid of quite a bit of the drug in the ladies’ room.” She smiled, just a trifle primly. “I think she’ll be all right,” she said.

“There’s a doctor on the way, anyhow,” Malone said, staring down at her. He tried to think of something he could do for her—fan her, or bring her water, or cool her fevered brow. But she didn’t look very fevered. She just looked helpless and beautiful. He felt sorry for all the nasty things he had said to her, and all the nasty things she had said to him. If she got well—and of course she was going to get well, he told himself firmly—things would be different. They’d be sweet and kind to each other all the time, and do nice things for each other.

And she was definitely going to get well. He wouldn’t even think about anything else. She was going to be fine again, and very soon. Why, she was hardly hurt at all, he told himself, hardly hurt at all.

“Sir Kenneth,” Her Majesty said. “I’ve been thinking: while we were about it, why didn’t we just teleport all the way back home?”

Malone turned. “Because,” he said, “we’d have had the devil of a time explaining just how we managed to do it.”

“Oh,” she said. “I see. Of course.”

“This teleportation gimmick is supposed to be a secret,” Malone went on. “We don’t want to let out anything more about it than we have to. As it is, there’s going to be some fierce wondering among the Russians about how we got out of that restaurant.”

“Obviously,” the Queen said, entirely unexpectedly, “a bourgeois capitalistic trick.”

“Obviously,” Malone agreed. “But we don’t want to start up any more questions than we have to.”

“And how about the plane itself?” Her Majesty went on. “Do you think they’ll let us take off?”

“I don’t know how they can stop us,” Malone said.

“You don’t?”

“Well, they don’t want to cause any incidents now,” Malone said. “At least, I don’t think they do. If they could have captured us—me, or Lou, or both of us, depending on which side of the argument you want to take—anyhow, if they could have grabbed us on their own home grounds, they’d have had an excuse. Lou got sick, they’d say, and they just took her to the hospital. They wouldn’t have to call it an arrest at all.”

“Oh, I see,” Her Majesty said. “But now we’re not on their home grounds.”

“Not so long as we stay in this plane, we’re not,” Malone said. “And we’re going to stay here until we take off.”

Her Majesty nodded.

“I wish I knew what they thought they were doing, though,” Malone mused. “They certainly couldn’t have held us for very long, no matter how they worked things.”

“I know what was on their minds,” Her Majesty said. “At least partly. It was all so confused it was difficult to get anything really detailed or complete.”

“There,” Malone said fervently, “I agree with you.”

“The whole trouble was,” the Queen said, “that nobody knew about anybody else.”

“I’d gathered something like that,” Malone said. “But what exactly was it all about?”

“Well,” the Queen said, “Major Petkoff was supposed to tell Lou, in effect, that if she didn’t agree to do espionage work for the Soviet Union, things would go hard with her father.”

“Nice,” Malone said. “Very friendly gentleman.”

“Well,” the Queen continued, “he was supposed to tell her about that at the bar, when he had her alone. But she got that drugged drink before he could begin to say anything.”

“Then who drugged it?” Malone said. “Lou?”

The Queen shrugged. “Someone else,” she said. “Major Petkoff didn’t know anything about the drugged drink.”

“A nice surprise for him, anyhow,” Malone said.

“It was a surprise for everybody,” the Queen said. “You see, the drugged drink was meant to get her to the hospital, where they’d have her alone for a long time and could really put some pressure on her.”

“And then,” Malone said, “there were the men who wanted to arrest me. And the ones who wanted to take Lou to jail. And the mad Mongol who just wanted to fight, I guess.”

“There were so many different things, all going on at once,” the Queen said.

Malone nodded. “There seems to be quite a lot of confusion in the Soviet Union, too,” he said. “That does not sound to me like an efficient operation.”

“It wasn’t, very,” the Queen said. “You see, they have Garbitsch now, but they can’t do anything to him because they can’t get to Lou. And it doesn’t do them any good to do anything to her father, unless she knows about it first.”

“It sounds,” Malone said, “as if the USSR is going along the same confused road as the good old United States.”

The Queen nodded agreement. “It’s terrible,” she said. “I get those same flashes of telepathic static, too.”

“You do?” Malone said, leaning forward.

“Just the same,” the Queen said. “Whatever is operating in the United States is operating over here, too.”

Malone sat down in a seat on the aisle. “Everything,” he announced, “is now perfectly lovely. The United States is being confused and mixed up by somebody, and the Somebody looked like a Russian spy. But now Russia is being confused, too.”

“Do you think there are some American spies working here?” the Queen said.

“If they’re using psionics,” Malone said, “as they obviously are—and I don’t know about them, Burris doesn’t know about them, O’Connor doesn’t know about them and nobody else I can find knows about them— then they don’t exist. That’s flat.”

“How about outer space?” the Queen said. “I mean, spies from outer space trying to take over the Earth.”

“It’s a nice idea,” Malone said sourly. “I wish they’d hurry up and do it.”

“Then you don’t think—”

“I don’t know what to think,” Malone said. “There’s some perfectly simple explanation for all this. And somewhere, in all the running around and looking here and there I’ve been doing, I’ve got all the facts I need to come up with that answer.”

“Oh, my,” the Queen said. “That’s wonderful.”

“Sure it is,” Malone said. “There’s only one trouble, as a matter of fact. I don’t know what the explanation is, and I don’t know which facts are important and which ones aren’t.”

There was a short silence.

“I wish Tom Boyd were here,” Malone said wistfully.

“Really?” the Queen said. “Why?”

“Because,” Malone said, “I feel like hearing some really professional cursing.”

* * * * *

Three-quarters of an hour passed, each and every minute draped in some black and gloomy material. Malone sat in his seat, his head supported by both hands, and stared at the back of the seat ahead of him. No great messages were written on it. The Queen, respecting his need for silent contemplation, sat and watched Lou and said nothing at all.

It was always possible, of course, Malone thought, that he would fall asleep and dream of an answer. That kind of thing kept happening to detectives in books. Or else a strange man in a black trenchcoat would sidle up to him and hand him a slip of paper. The words: “Five o’clock, watch out, the red snake, doom,” would be written on the paper and these words would provide him with just the clues he needed to solve the whole case. Or else he would go and beat somebody up, and the exercise would stimulate his brain and he would suddenly arrive at the answer in a blinding flash.

Wondering vaguely if a blinding flash were anything like a dungeon, because people kept being in them and never seemed to come out, Malone sighed. Detectives in books were great, wonderful people who never had any doubts or worries. Particularly if they were with the FBI. Only Kenneth J. Malone was different.

Maybe someday, he thought, he would be a real detective, instead of just having a few special gifts that he hadn’t really worked for, anyhow. Maybe someday, in the distant future, he would be the equal of Nick Carter.

Right now, though, he had a case to solve. Nick Carter wasn’t around to help.

And Kenneth J. Malone, FBI, was getting absolutely nowhere.

Finally, his reverie was broken by the sounds of argument outside the plane door. There were voices speaking both English and Russian, very loudly. Malone went to the door and opened it. A short, round, grey-haired man who looked just a little like an over-tired bear who had forgotten to sleep all winter almost fell into his arms. The man was wearing a grey overcoat that went nicely with his hair, and carrying a small black bag.

Malone said: “Oog,” replaced the man on his own feet and looked past him at the group on the landing ramp outside. The navigator was there, arguing earnestly with two men in the uniform of the MVD.

“Damn it,” the navigator said, “you can’t come in here. Nobody comes in but the doctor. This is United States territory.”

The MVD men said something in Russian.

“No,” the navigator said. “Definitely no.”

One of the MVD men spat something that sounded like an insult.

The navigator shrugged. “I don’t understand Russian,” he told them. “All I know is one word. No. _Nyet_ Definitely, absolutely irrevocably _nyet_.”

“_Sikin sin Amerikanyets!_”

The MVD men turned, as if they’d been a sister act, and went down the steps. The navigator followed them, wiping his forehead and breathing deeply. Malone shut the door.

“Well, well, well,” the doctor said, in a burbling sort of voice. “Somehow, we thought it might be you. Anyhow, the ambassador did.”

“Really?” Malone said, trying to sound surprised.

“Oh, yes,” the doctor assured him. “You have raised something of a stench in and around good old Moscow, you know.”

“I’m innocent,” Malone said.

The doctor nodded. “Undoubtedly,” he said judiciously. “Who isn’t? And where, by the way, is the girl?”

“Over there.” Malone pointed. News apparently traveled with great speed in Moscow, MVD and censorship notwithstanding. At any rate, he thought, it traveled with great speed to the ears of the Embassy staff.

The doctor lifted Lou’s limp wrist to time her pulse, his lips pursed and his eyes focused on a far wall.

“What have you heard?” Malone said.

“The MVD boys are extremely worried,” the doctor said. “Extremely.” He didn’t let go of the wrist, a marvel of which Malone had never grown tired. Doctors always seemed to be able, somehow, to examine a patient and carry on a conversation about totally different things, without even showing the strain. This one was no exception. Malone watched in awe.

“According to the reports we got from them,” the doctor said, “you wandered off from _Trotkin’s_ without your escort.”

“Well,” Malone said at random, “I didn’t think to leave them a farewell note. I hope they don’t think I disliked their company.”

“Officially,” the doctor said, lifting Lou’s left eyelid and gazing thoughtfully into the blue iris thus exposed, “they’re afraid you’re lost, and they were apologetic as all hell about it to the ambassador.” The iris appeared to lose its fascination; the doctor dropped the eyelid and fished in his black bag, which he had put on the seat next to Lou.

“And unofficially?” Malone asked.

“Unofficially,” the doctor said, “we’ve got news of a riot at _Trotkin’s_ tonight, in which you seem to have been involved. Mr. Malone, you must be quite a barroom brawler when you’re at home.”

“Frankly,” Malone said, “I’m a little out of practice. And I hope I never have the chance to get back _into_ practice.”

The doctor nodded, removing a stethoscope from the bag and applying it to Lou’s chest. He waited a second, frowned and then took the plugs out of his ears. “I know just what you mean,” he said. “You might be interested to know the first unofficial score of that little match.”

“Score?” Malone said.

The doctor nodded again. “Three concussions,” he said, “one possible skull fracture, a broken arm, two bitten hands, and a large and varied assortment of dental difficulties and plain hysteria. No dead, however. I really don’t understand why not.”

“Well,” Malone said, “nobody wanted to create an international incident.”

“Hmf,” the doctor said. “I see. Or I think I do, which is as far as I care to go in the matter. The Russians suspect, by the way, that you’ve managed to get aboard the plane. They do know, of course, about the girl, and when the pilot called for me they put two and two together. In spite of his story about being sick. What they can’t figure out is how you managed to _get_ aboard the plane.”

“Neither can I,” Malone said at random. The doctor gave him a single bright stare.

“Well,” he said at last, “I suppose you know your own business best. By the way, my examination accords pretty well with our unofficial information about the girl—that she was given some sort of drug in a drink. Is that what happened?”

Malone nodded. “As far as we know,” he said. “She did get rid of a lot of it within a few minutes, though.”

“Good,” the doctor said. “Very sensible.”

“Sense had nothing to do with it,” Malone said.

“In any case,” the doctor went on doggedly, “there can’t be too much left in her system. Her pulse is good, she’s breathing easily and there don’t seem to be any complications, so I should doubt strongly that there’s been much damage done. Besides all which, of course, the Russians would hardly have wanted to hurt her; what they gave her would probably have done little more harm even if she’d ingested it all, and kept it down.”

“Good,” Malone said sincerely.

“I’ll give you some pills,” the doctor said, fishing in his bag again, “and you can give them to her when she wakes up.”

“Is that all?” Malone said, vaguely disappointed.

The doctor eyed him keenly. “Well,” he said, “I could give her an injection, but I’d be a little afraid to. If it had a synergistic action with the drug, she might be worse off than before.”

“Oh,” Malone said. “By all means. Just the pills.”

“I’m glad you agree,” the doctor said. “Oh, and about leaving—”

“Yes?” Malone said. “We want to get out of here in a hurry, if we can.”

“I think you can,” the doctor said. “The ambassador mentioned that he’d try to arrange it with the Russians. I don’t know what he’ll tell them—but then, that’s why he’s an ambassador, and I’m a doctor.” He straightened up and handed Malone an envelope containing three green capsules. “Give her these if she wakes up with a headache,” he said. “If she feels all right, just forget all about them.”

“Sure,” Malone said. “And thanks, Doctor. Tell the ambassador we’d appreciate it if he got us out of here as soon as possible.”

“Certainly,” the doctor said. “After all, I might as well take on the job of a diplomatic courier.”

Malone nodded. “Well,” he said, “goodbye, Mr. Courier.”

The doctor went to the door, opened it and turned.

“Absolutely,” he said, “Mr. Ives.”

9

Lou didn’t wake up until the plane was dropping toward the Washington airfield, and when she did awaken it was as if she had merely come out of an especially deep sleep. Malone was standing over her, which was far from a coincidence; he had been waiting and watching virtually every minute since takeoff.

During his brief periods of rest, Her Majesty had taken over, and she was now peacefully asleep at the back of the plane, looking a little more careworn, but just as regal as ever. She looked to Malone as if she had weathered a small revolution against her rule, but had managed to persuade the populace (by passing out cookies to the children, probably) that all was, in the last analysis, for the best in this best of all possible worlds. She looked, he thought, absolutely wonderful.

So did Lou. She blinked her eyes open and moved one hand at her side, and then she came fully awake. “Well,” she said. “And a bright hello to you, Sleuth. If it’s not being too banal, where am I?”

“It is,” Malone said, “but you’re in an airplane, coming into Washington. We ought to be there in a few minutes.”

Lou shook her head slowly from side to side. “I have never heard any news that sounded better in my entire life,” she said. “How long ago did we leave Moscow?”

“Our trip to Beautiful Moskva,” Malone said, “ended right after they tried to get you to the hospital, by giving you a drugged drink. Do you remember that?”

“I remember it, all right,” she said. “I’m never going to forget that moment.”

“How do you feel?” Malone said.

“Fine,” Lou said. “And how are _you_?”

“Me?” Malone said. “I’m all right. I’ve _been_ all right. Don’t worry about _me_.”

“Well, one never knows,” Lou said. “With your cold and all.”

“I think that’s better,” Malone said hastily. “But you’re sure you feel fine?”

Lou nodded. “A little tired, maybe, but that’s all.” She paused. “I remember Miss Thompson taking me to the ladies’ room. I got pretty sick. But from there on, I’m not sure what happened.”

“I came in,” Malone said, “and got you out.”

“How brave!” Lou said.

“Not very,” Malone said casually. “After all, what could happen to me in a ladies’ room?”

“You’d be surprised,” Lou murmured. “And you came and got me, and took me to the plane and all. And I—” She hesitated, and for a second she looked very small and wistful. “Do you—do you think they’ll do anything to Dad?” she said.

“I don’t see why,” Malone said confidently. “After all, the only thing he did wrong was to get caught, and that’s an occupational risk if you’re in the spy business. Lots of people get caught. Happens all the time. Don’t worry about it.”

“I—all right,” she said. “I won’t, then.”

“Good,” Malone said. He fished in his pocket. “I’ve got some pills here,” he said, “in case you have a headache. The doctor said I could give them to you if you had a headache, but otherwise I should just forget about them.”

Lou smiled. “I think you’d better just forget about them,” she said.

Malone’s hand came out of his pocket empty. “I just want to make sure you’re okay,” he said. “Probably very silly. Of course you’re okay.”

“Of course I am,” she said. “But I don’t think you’re silly.” She smiled again, a very warm smile. Malone took a deep breath and discovered that he hadn’t been breathing at all regularly for several minutes. Lou’s smile increased a trifle in intensity and he stopped breathing all over again. “All things considered,” she said, “I think you’re pretty wonderful, Ken.”

Malone’s voice sounded to him as if it were coming from a great distance. He wondered if the strange feeling in his stomach were the pangs of love, or the descent of the plane. Then he realized that he didn’t care. “Well, well,” he said airily. “Well, well, well. Frankly, Lou, I’m inclined to agree with you. Though I’m not sure about the qualification.”

“Fine thing,” she said. “Tell a man he’s wonderful and he just nods his head as if he knew it all along.”

Malone swallowed hard. “Maybe I did,” he said. “And how did you come to this startling conclusion?”

It was Lou who broke the light mood of their speech first. “Look, Ken,” she said seriously, “I’m the daughter of an enemy spy. You know that. You’re an FBI agent.”

“So what?” he said.

“So,” she said, “you don’t treat me like the daughter of a spy. You treat me just like anybody else.”

“I do not,” Malone said instantly.

“All right,” she said, and shrugged. “But I’m sure none of this is in the FBI manual for daughters of convicted spies.”

“Now, you look,” Malone said. “Just what do you think this is? The McCarthy era? Any way I treat you, it has nothing to do with your father. He’s a spy, and we caught him and we sent him back to Moscow. That’s our job. But all this about the sins of the fathers being visited on the heads of the children, even unto the seventh generation—this is just plain silly. You’re you; you’re not your father. You haven’t done anything—why should I treat you as if you have?”

“How do you know I’m not a spy, too?” she said.

“Because,” Malone said flatly, “I know.”

“Really?” she said softly. “Do you really?”

Malone opened his mouth, shut it and then started again. “Strictly speaking,” he said carefully, “I don’t know. But we’re in the United States now, where a person is considered innocent until proven guilty.”

“And that,” Lou said, “is all you’re going on, I suppose.”

“Not all,” Malone said.

“I didn’t think so,” Lou said, still smiling.

“Don’t ask me how,” Malone said, “but we’re pretty sure you knew nothing about your father’s activities. Forget it.”

Lou looked suddenly slightly disappointed. Malone wondered why. Of course, there was one more reason, and maybe she’d thought of that. “It does make it easier,” he said, “that you happen to be a beautiful girl.”

She smiled again, and started to say something, but she never got the chance. The landing gear of the aircraft bumped gently against the runway, and the ship rolled slowly in to a stop.

A second passed. From the back of the plane a voice said: “Are we back in Washington, S—Mr. Malone?”

“That’s right, Miss Thompson,” Malone told the Queen.

“And Miss Garbitsch—”

“I’m fine, Miss Thompson,” Luba said. She swung her feet around to the deck.

“Wait a minute,” Malone said. “Do you think you ought to get up?”

Lou’s smile seemed to reduce him to small, very hot ashes. “Ken,” she said, “the doctor said I was fine, so what are you worrying about? I can get up. I’ll be all right.”

“Oh, okay,” he said, and stepped back. Her Majesty had already left the plane. Lou got up, and wavered just a little. Malone held out his arms, and found her in them before he had thought about it.

A long time seemed to pass. Malone wasn’t sure whether he was standing still because he wanted to, or because he was absolutely incapable of motion. Lou didn’t seem in any hurry to break away, either.

Then she put her arms around his neck.

“Sleuth,” she said, “don’t you ever follow up a hint?”

“Hint?” Malone said.

“Damn it,” Lou said in a soft, sweet voice, “kiss me, Ken.”

Malone had no answer to that—at least, no verbal answer.

One didn’t seem to be needed.

When he finally came up for air, he said: “Lou....”

“Yes, Ken?”

“Lou, where are you going from here?”

Lou stepped back a pace. “What?” she said.

“I mean, back to New York?” Malone said. “Or someplace else? I mean— well, what are you going to do?”

“Oh,” Lou said. “Oh, yes. I’ll be going back to New York. After all, Ken, I do have a living to make, such as it is, and Sir Lewis is expecting me.”

“I don’t know,” Malone said, “but it still sounds funny. A girl like you working for—well, for the Psychical Research people. Ghosts and ectoplasm and all that.”

Lou stepped back another pace. “Now, wait a minute,” she said. “You seemed to need their information, all right.”

“But that was—oh, well,” Malone said. “Never mind. Maybe I’m silly. It really doesn’t matter.”

“I guess it doesn’t, now,” she said. “Except that it does mean I’ve got to leave for New York almost at once.”

“Can you cut out that ‘almost’?” Malone said. “Because I’ve got to be there myself, and right away. If you hurry, we can get the same plane.”

“That would be great,” she said.

“Okay, then,” Malone said. “Don’t you worry about a thing, I’ll take care of reservations and everything.”

“My, my,” Lou said. “What it must be like to have all that pull and influence.”

“What?” Malone said.

Lou grinned. “Nothing,” she said. “Nothing.”

“Then it’s all settled. I’ll take care of the reservations, and we’ll go in together,” Malone said.

“Fair enough,” Lou said, “my fine feathered Fed.”

* * * * *

Actually, it took Malone nearly three hours to get everything set in Washington for his New York departure. He had to make a verbal report to Andrew J. Burris first, and that consumed quite a lot of time, since Burris was alternately shocked, horrified, gleeful and confused about the whole trip, and spent most of his time interrupting Malone and crying out for God’s vengeance, mercy, justice or understanding.

Then Malone had to dictate a longer report for the written record. This didn’t take quite as long, since there were no interruptions, but by the time it was over he felt as if he were going out to become a Carthusian monk. He felt, as he rubbed his raw throat, that it wouldn’t be a bad idea at all to take a nice vow of silence for awhile. He could write people little notes, and they would all treat him kindly and gently. He would be pointed out to strangers, and people would try to do him favors.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t take the vow at once. During his absence, his desk log showed, several calls had come in, all of which had to be taken care of at once. Some of them dealt with evidence or statements from old cases, some were just nuisances. The most urgent was from Dr. O’Connor at Yucca Flats.

“If you’re not too busy,” O’Connor said in his icily polite tone, “I would like to have Miss Thompson back as soon as possible.” He sounded as if Malone had borrowed his scalpel.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Malone said carefully.

“There is a new series of tests,” O’Connor said, “on which I am now at work; the assistance of Miss Thompson would be invaluable to me at this time.”