Chapter IV: Part 4

"They come along through the back parlor, Lucy lookin' back, Mr. Dill white as a sheet, 'n' Hiram walkin' like a snow-plough as is n't sure how long it can keep on makin' it. It seemed like a month as they was under way before they finally got stopped in front o' the minister. 'N' then come _the_ time! Hiram had to step beside Lucy 'n' take her hand 'n' he could n't! We all just gasped. There was Hiram tryin' to get loose 'n' Mr. Dill tryin' to help him. Gran'ma Mullins's tears dripped till you could hear 'em, but she hung on to Hiram like he 'd paid for it. They worked like Trojan beavers, but as fast as they 'd get one side of him uncovered she 'd take a fresh wind-round. I tell you, we all just held our breath, 'n' I bet Lucy was sorry she persisted in havin' a procession when she see the perspiration runnin' off her father 'n' poor Hiram.

"Finally Polly got frightened 'n' begun to cry, 'n' at that the deacon put his arm around her 'n' give her a hug, an' Gran'ma Mullins looked up just in time to see the arm 'n' the hug. It seemed like it was the last hay in the donkey, for she give a weak screech 'n' went right over on Mr. Dill. She had such a grip on Hiram that if it had n't been for Lucy he 'd have gone over, too, but Lucy just hung on herself that time, 'n' Hiram was rescued without nothin' worse than his hair mussed 'n' one sleeve a little tore. Mr. Sperrit 'n' Mr. Jilkins carried Gran'ma Mullins into the dinin'-room, 'n' I said to just leave her fainted till after we 'd got Hiram well 'n' truly married; so they did.

"I never see the minister rattle nothin' through like that marriage-service. Every one was on whole papers of pins 'n' needles, 'n' the minute it was over every one just felt like sittin' right straight down.

"Mrs. Macy 'n' me went up 'n' watered Gran'ma Mullins till we brought her to, 'n' when she learned as it was all done she picked up wonderful 'n' felt as hungry as any one, 'n' come downstairs 'n' kissed Lucy 'n' caught a corner on Mrs. Dill just like she 'd never been no trouble to no one from first to last. I never see such a sudden change in all my life; it was like some miracle had come out all over her 'n' there was n't no one there as was n't rejoiced to death.

"We all went out in the dinin'-room 'n' the sun shone in 'n' every one laughed over nothin' a _tall_. Mrs. Sperrit pinned Hiram up from inside so his tear did n't show, 'n' Lucy 'n' he set side by side 'n' looked like no one was ever goin' to ever be married again. Polly 'n' the deacon set opposite 'n' the minister 'n' his wife 'n' Mr. Dill 'n' Gran'ma Mullins made up the table. The rest stood around, 'n' we was all as lively as words can tell. The cake was one o' the handsomest as I ever see, two pigeons peckin' a bell on top 'n' Hiram 'n' Lucy runnin' around below in pink. There was a dime inside 'n' a ring, an' I got the dime, 'n' they must have forgot to put in the ring for no one got it."

Susan paused and panted.

"It was--" commented Mrs. Lathrop, thoughtfully.

"Nice that I got the dime?--yes, I should say. There certainly was n't no one there as needed it worse, 'n', although I 'd never be one to call a dime a fortune, still it is a dime, 'n' no one can't deny it the honor, no matter how they feel. But, Mrs. Lathrop, what you 'd ought to have seen was Hiram 'n' Lucy ready to go off. I bet no one knows they 're brides--I bet no one knows _what_ they are,--you never saw the like in all your worst dreams. Hiram wore spectacles 'n' carpet-slippers 'n' that old umbrella as Mr. Shores keeps at the store to keep from bein' stole, 'n' Lucy wore clothes she 'd found in trunks 'n' her hair in curl-papers, 'n' her cold-cream gloves. They certainly was a sight, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins laughed as hard as any one over them. Mr. Sperrit drove 'em to the train, 'n' Hiram says he 's goin' to spend two dollars a day right along till he comes back; so I guess Lucy 'll have a good time for once in her life. 'N' Gran'ma Mullins walked back with me 'n' not one word o' Hiram did she speak. She was all Polly 'n' the deacon. She said it wa'n't in reason as Polly could imagine him with hair, 'n' she said she was thinkin' very seriously o' givin' her a piece o' his hair as she 's got, for a weddin' present. She said Polly 'd never know what he was like the night he give her that hair. She said the moon was shinin' 'n' the frogs were croakin', 'n' she kind o' choked; she says she can't smell a marsh to this day without seein' the deacon givin' her that piece of hair. I cheered her up all I could--I told her anyhow he could n't give Polly a piece of his hair if he died for it. She smiled a weak smile 'n' went on up to Mrs. Brown's. Mrs. Brown 's asked her to stay with her a day or two. Mrs. Brown has her faults, but nobody can't deny as she 's got a good heart,--in fact, sometimes I think Mrs. Brown's good heart is about the worst fault she's got. I 've knowed it lead her to do very foolish things time 'n' again--things as I thank my star I 'd never think o' doin'--not in this world."

Mrs. Lathrop shifted her elbows a little; Susan withdrew at once from the fence.

"I must go in," she said, "to-morrow is goin' to be a more 'n full day. There 's Polly's weddin' 'n' then in the evenin' Mr. Weskin is comin' up. You need n't look surprised, Mrs. Lathrop, because I 've thought the subject over up 'n' down 'n' hind end foremost 'n' there ain't nothin' left for me to do. I can't sell nothin' else 'n' I 've got to have money, so I 'm goin' to let go of one of those bonds as father left me. There ain't no way out of it; I told Mr. Weskin I 'd expect him at sharp eight on sharp business, 'n' he 'll come. 'N' I must go as a consequence. Good night."

PART FOURTH

MR. JILKINS'S HAT

Polly Allen's wedding took place the next day, and Mrs. Lathrop came out on her front piazza about half past five to wait for her share in the event.

The sight of Mrs. Brown going by with her head bound up in a white cloth, accompanied by Gran'ma Mullins with both hands similarly treated, was the first inkling the stay-at-home had that strange doings had been lately done.

Susan came next and Susan was a sight! Not only did her ears stand up with a size and conspicuousness never inherited from either her father or her mother, but also her right eye was completely closed and she walked lame.

"The Lord have mercy!" cried Mrs. Lathrop, when the full force of her friend's affliction effected its complete entrance into her brain,--"Why, Susan, what--"

"Mrs. Lathrop," said Miss Clegg, "all I can say is I come out better than the most of 'em, 'n' if you could see Sam Duruy or Mr. Kimball or the minister you 'd know I spoke the truth. The deacon 'n' Polly is both in bed 'n' can't see how each other looks, 'n' them as has a eye is goin' to tend them as can't see at all, an' God help 'em all if young Dr. Brown an' the mud run dry!" with which pious ejaculation Susan painfully mounted the steps and sat down with exceeding gentleness upon a chair.

Mrs. Lathrop stared at her in dumb and wholly bewildered amazement. After a while Miss Clegg continued.

"It was all the deacon's fault. Him 'n' Polly was so dead set on bein' fashionable 'n' bein' a contrast to Hiram an Lucy, 'n' I hope to-night as they lay there all puffed up as they 'll reflect on their folly 'n' think a little on how the rest of us as did n't care rhyme or reason for folly is got no choice but to puff up, too. Mrs. Jilkins is awful mad; she says Mr. Jilkins wanted to wear his straw hat anyhow, 'n' she says she always has hated his silk hat 'cause it reminds her o' when she was young 'n' foolish enough to be willin' to go 'n' marry into a family as was foolish enough to marry into Deacon White. Mrs. Jilkins is extra hot because she got one in the neck, but my own idea is as Polly Allen's weddin' was the silliest doin's as I ever see from the beginnin', 'n' the end wa'n't no more than might o' been expected--all things considered.

"When I got to the church, what do you think was the first thing as I see, Mrs. Lathrop? Well, you 'd never guess till kingdom come, so I may as well tell you. It was Ed 'n' Sam Duruy 'n' Henry Ward Beecher 'n' Johnny standin' there waitin' to show us to our pews like we did n't know our own pews after sittin' in 'em for all our life-times! I just shook my head 'n' walked to my pew, 'n' there, if it was n't looped shut with a daisy-chain! Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I wish you could have been there to have felt for me, for I may remark as a cyclone is a caterpillar wove up in hisself beside my face when I see myself daisy-chained out o' my own pew by Polly Allen. Ed was behind me 'n' he whispered 'That's reserved for the family.' I give him one look 'n' I will state, Mrs. Lathrop, as he wilted. It did n't take me long to break that daisy-chain 'n' sit down in that pew, 'n' I can assure you as no one asked me to get up again. Mrs. Jilkins's cousins from Meadville come 'n' looked at me sittin' there, but I give them jus' one look back 'n' they went 'n' sat with Mrs. Macy themselves. A good many other folks was as surprised as me over where they had to sit, but we soon had other surprises as took the taste o' the first clean out o' our mouths.

"Just as Mrs. Davison begin to play the organ, Ed 'n' Johnny come down with two clothes-lines wound 'round with clematis 'n' tied us all in where we sat. Then they went back 'n' we all stayed still 'n' could n't but wonder what under the sun was to be done to us next. But we did n't have long to wait, 'n' I will say as anythin' to beat Polly's ideas I never see--no--nor no one else neither.

"'Long down the aisle, two 'n' two, 'n' hand in hand, like they thought they was suthin' pretty to look at, come Ed 'n' Johnny 'n' Henry Ward Beecher 'n' Sam Duruy, 'n' I vow 'n' declare, Mrs. Lathrop, I never was so nigh to laughin' in church in all my life. They knowed they was funny, too, 'n' their mouths 'n' eyes was tight set sober, but some one in the back just _had_ to giggle, 'n' when we heard it we knew as things as was n't much any other day would use us up this day, sure. They stopped in front 'n' lined up, two on a side, 'n' then, for all the world like it was a machine-play, the little door opened 'n' out come the minister 'n' solemnly walked down to between them. I must say we was all more than a little disappointed at its only bein' the minister, 'n' he must have felt our feelin's, for he began to cough 'n' clear up his throat 'n' his little desk all at once. Then Mrs. Davison jerked out the loud stop 'n' began to play for all she was worth, 'n' the door behind banged 'n' every one turned aroun' to see.

"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, we saw,--'n' I will in truth remark as such a sawin' we 'll never probably get a chance to do again! Mrs. Sweet says they practised it over four times at the church, so they can't deny as they meant it all, 'n' you might lay me crossways 'n' cut me into chipped beef 'n' still I would declare as I would n't have the face to own to havin' had any hand in plannin' any such weddin'.

"First come 'Liza Em'ly 'n' Rachel Rebecca hand in hand carryin' daisies--of all things in the world to take to a weddin'--'n' then come Brunhilde Susan, with a daisy-chain around her neck 'n' her belt stuck full o' daisies 'n'--you can believe me or not, jus' as you please, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' still it won't help matters any--'n' a daisy stuck in every button down her back, 'n' daisies tangled up in her hair, 'n' a bunch o' daisies under one arm.

"Well, we was nigh to overcome by Brunhilde Susan, but we drawed some fresh breath 'n' kept on lookin', 'n' next come Polly 'n' Mr. Allen. I will say for Mr. Allen as he seemed to feel the ridiculousness of it all, for a redder man I never see, nor one as looked more uncomfortable. He was daisied, too--had three in his buttonhole;--but what took us all was the way him 'n' Polly walked. I bet no people gettin' married ever zigzagged like that before, 'n' Mrs. Sweet says they practised it by countin' two 'n' then swingin' out to one side, 'n' then countin' two 'n' swingin' out to the other--she watched 'em out of her attic window down through the broke blind to the church. Well, all I can say is, that to my order o' thinkin' countin' 'n' swingin' is a pretty frame o' mind to get a husband in, but so it was, 'n' we was all starin' our eyes off to beat the band when the little door opened 'n', to crown everythin' else, out come the deacon 'n Mr. Jilkins, each with a daisy 'n' a silk hat, 'n' I will remark, Mrs. Lathrop, as new-born kittens is blood-red murderers compared to how innocent that hat o' Mr. Jilkins looked. Any one could see as it was n't new, but he was n't new either as far as that goes, 'n' that was what struck me in particular about the whole thing--nothin' 'n' nobody was n't any different only for Polly's foolishness 'n' the daisies.

"Well, they sorted out 'n' begun to get married, 'n' us all sittin' lookin' on 'n' no more guessin' what was comin' next than a ant looks for a mornin' paper. The minister was gettin' most through 'n' the deacon was gettin' out the ring, 'n' we was lookin' to get up 'n' out pretty quick, when--my heavens alive, Mrs. Lathrop, I never will forget that minute--when Mr. Jilkins--poor man, he's sufferin' enough for it, Lord knows!--when Mr. Jilkins dropped his hat!

"That very next second him 'n' Ed 'n' Brunhilde Susan all hopped 'n' yelled at once, 'n' the next thing we see was the minister droppin' his book 'n' grabbin' his arm 'n' the deacon tryin' madly to do hisself up in Polly's veil. We would 'a' all been plum petrified at such goings on any other day, only by that time the last one of us was feelin' to hop and grab 'n' yell on his own account. Gran'ma Mullins was tryin' to slap herself with the seat cushion, 'n' the way the daisies flew as folks went over 'n' under that clematis rope was a caution. I got out as quick as I--"

"But what--" interrupted Mrs. Lathrop, her eyes fairly marble-like in their redundant curiosity.

"It was wasps!" said Susan. "It was a young wasps' nest in Mr. Jilkins's hat. Seems they carried their hats to church in their hands 'cause Polly did n't want no red rings around 'em, 'n' so he never suspected nothin' till he dropped it. 'N' oh, poor little Brunhilde Susan in them short skirts of hers--she might as well have wore a bee-hive! I will in confidence remark as I got off easy, 'n' you can look at me 'n' figger on what them as got it hard has got on them. Young Dr. Brown went right to work with mud 'n' Polly's veil 'n' plastered 'em over as fast as they could get into Mrs. Sweet's. Mrs. Sweet was mighty obligin' 'n' turned two flower-beds inside out 'n' let every one scoop with her kitchen spoons, besides runnin' aroun' herself like she was a slave gettin' paid. They took the deacon 'n' Polly right to their own house. They can't see one another anyhow, 'n' they was most all married anyway, so it did n't seem worth while to wait till the minister gets the use of his upper lip again."

"Why--" interrogated Mrs. Lathrop.

"Young Dr. Brown wanted to," said Susan, "he wanted to fill my ears with mud, 'n' my eye, too, but I did n't feel to have it done. You can't die o' wasps' bills, 'n' you can o' young Dr. Brown's--leastways when you ain't got no money to pay 'em, like I ain't got just at present."

"It 's--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"Yes," said Susan, "it struck me that way, too. This seems to be a very unlucky town. Anything as comes seems to catch us all in a bunch. The cow most lamed the whole community 'n' the automobile most broke its back; time 'll tell what 'll be the result o' these wasps, but there won't be no church Sunday for one thing, I know.

"'N' it ain't the least o' my woes, Mrs. Lathrop, to think as I 've got to sit 'n' smile on Mr. Weskin to-night from between two such ears as is on me, for a man is a man, 'n' it can't be denied as a woman as is mainly ears ain't beguilin'. Besides, I may in confidence state to you, Mrs. Lathrop, as the one as buzzed aroun' my head wa'n't really no wasp a _tall_ in comparison to the one as got under my skirts."

Mrs. Lathrop's eyes were full of sincere condolence; she did not even imagine a smile as she gazed upon her afflicted friend.

"I must go," said the latter, rising with a groan, "seems like I never will reach the bottom o' my troubles this year. I keep thinkin' there's nothin' left 'n' then I get a wasp at each end at once. Well, I 'll come over when Mr. Weskin goes--if I have strength."

Then she limped home.

* * * * *

It was about nine that night that she returned and pounded vigorously on her friend's window-pane. Mrs. Lathrop woke from her rocker-nap, went to the window and opened it. Susan stood below and the moon illuminated her smile and her ears with its most silvery beams.

"He 's just gone!" she announced.

"Yes," said Mrs. Lathrop, rubbing her eyes.

"He's gone; I come over to tell you."

"What--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"I would n't care if my ears was as big as a elephant's now."

"Why--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

"Mrs. Lathrop, you know as I took them bonds straight after father died 'n' locked 'em up 'n' I ain't never unlocked 'em since?"

Mrs. Lathrop assented with a single rapt nod.

"Well, when I explained to Mr. Weskin as I 'd got to have money 'n' how was the best way to sell a bond, he just looked at me, 'n' what do you think he said--what _do_ you think he said, Mrs. Lathrop?"

Mrs. Lathrop hung far out over the window-sill--her gaze was the gaze of the ever earnest and interested.

Susan stood below. Her face was aglow with the joy of the affluent--her very voice might have been for once entitled as silvery.

"He said, Mrs. Lathrop, he said, 'Miss Clegg, why don't you go down to the bank and cut your coupons?'"

* * * * *

A VERY SUPERIOR MAN

Miss Clegg sat in Mrs. Lathrop's rocking-chair, on Mrs. Lathrop's kitchen stoop. Mrs. Lathrop sat at her friend's feet, picking over currants. If she picked over a great many she intended making jelly; if only a few, the result was to be a pie.

Susan had on her bonnet and mitts and held her sun-umbrella firmly gripped between her two hands and her two knees. She looked weary and worn.

"It seems kind o' funny that I bothered to go, now that I come to think it over," she said, gazing meditatively down upon her friend and her friend's currant-picking; "I wa'n't no relation of Rufus Timmans, 'n' although I don't deny as it 's always a pleasure to go to any one's funeral, still it's a long ways to Meadville, 'n' the comin' back was most awful, not to speak o' havin' no dinner nowhere. It never makes no one brisk but a horse to go without eatin', 'n' I must in consequence say 't I was really very sorry as Rufus was dead durin' the last part of the drive; but o' course he was a very superior man, 'n' as a consequence nobody wanted to have it said in after life as they wa'n't to his buryin'. So I went along with the rest, 'n' Heaven help me now, for I never was more beat out in all my life. I was up awful early this mornin' to be sure o' not bein' left, 'n' I may in confidence remark as I 've thought many times to-day as if I had been left I 'd of been a sight better off. Long rides is very frisky for them as is young 'n' in love 'n' likes to drive alternate, but for a woman o' my age, bein' wedged solid for sixteen miles at a time is most tryin'; 'n' comin' back some o' them smart Meadville boys had the fine idea o' puttin' walnuts under the seats, 'n' we rode most of the way thinkin' as they was our bones till Mr. Dill jus' got up 'n' whopped his cushion over to see if it 'd feel any different the other side, 'n' I may state as the results I shall remember till I die."

"Who--" began Mrs. Lathrop.

"Everybody!" said Susan; "I never knowed how superior Rufus was till I see how folks turned out for his funeral. Every minister 'n' doctor in the whole vicinity was there. The Lumbs drove way up from Clightville, got overturned in the brook by the old knife factory, but come along just the same. Old Mr. 'n' Mrs. Trumbull started day before yesterday as soon as they knowed he was dead 'n' ate with relations all the way along 'n' got them to come too whenever they could. They was seven buggies 'n' two democrats when they arrived at last. Mrs. Macy was waitin' for me in the square when I got there this mornin' 'n' she told me as a city reporter had come up to write a account of it 'n' as Dr. Cogswell was goin' to be there. They say as a live bishop wanted to make the prayer but Rufus was so advanced in his views it seemed better not to come out too strong over his dead body. Mrs. Macy said it all showed what a very superior man he was. She says as she feels as maybe we did n't appreciate him enough. She says maybe we was prejudiced. Lord knows it's very hard not to be prejudiced agin' the folks you live among, 'n' I guess any one as see Rufus mildly stumblin' around losin' pocket-handkerchiefs 'd of had a hard time regardin' him as superior; but he _was_ superior, 'n' Mrs. Macy says he _always_ was superior, for her aunt, old Mrs. Kitts, of Meadville, remembers when he was born, 'n' Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Kitts always says as he was superior right from the start. She says as Mrs. Kitts says as Rufus's father was really 'most a nuisance, talkin' about his superiority even the very first week he was born. Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Kitts says that his father said right off the day he was born, as to his order o' thinkin' Rufus was different from other babies right then 'n' there. He told Mrs. Kitts hisself as he knowed folks was often fools over their first babies, 'n' he did n't calcalate to act no such part, but in common honesty he _must_ state as Rufus was 'way above the ordinary run, not because he was his baby, but just because it was the plain truth. Mrs. Kitts said she see Rufus herself when he wa'n't but three days old, 'n' she told Mrs. Macy as she must in truth confess as he looked then jus' about as he always looked--kind of too awful wise to have any sense a _tall_. Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Kitts says the superior thing about Rufus them first days was the way as his mother looked on him. Mrs. Kitts says Tabitha Timmans was a mos' remarkable woman, straight up her back 'n' all in 'n' out in front--one o' them women as is most all teeth--front teeth, 'n' Mrs. Kitts said whenever she looked at Rufus she was all back teeth too. They had him in a clothes-basket to keep off draughts, with a quilt to pervent changes in the weather, 'n' a mosquito-nettin' for fear a fly might thaw out unexpectedly 'n' get near him. Mrs. Kitts said Tabitha Timmans was just about wild over him; she told Mrs. Kitts she felt it gallopin' up 'n' down her spine as how Rufus was surely goin' to grow up to be a inspector--or mebbe the president; she said any one could see he was in for bein' suthin' high up 'n' sort o' quiet 'n' important. Tilda Ann, Sammy Timmans's aunt, was there too. Mrs. Kitts says she always liked Tilda Ann, what little she see of her, even if she _was n't_ patient. Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Kitts says Tilda Ann never had no real fault, only her never bein' able to be patient. She says if Tilda Ann had only had a little patience it 'd of been a great deal better for her in the end, for if Tilda Ann 'd had a little more patience she 'd never have come scurryin' home cross-lots that night in the fog 'n' gone hickety-pickety over the well-curb, thinkin' it was a stone wall. Mrs. Kitts says she never can help considerin' what a shock Tilda Ann must have got when she realized as she was over, 'n' so was everythin' else."

"My--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"But she was alive then," continued Susan, "'n' she was there takin' care o' Tabitha 'n' watchin' over Rufus. Mrs. Kitts said it did n't take much to see as Tilda Ann had n't no particular admiration for Rufus; she said right then 'n' there, as to her order o' thinkin,' Tabitha 'd ought to teach him to quit suckin' his thumb right off,--she said as it was a most terrible job when they got bigger. Mrs. Kitts said Tabitha said as not many babies was smart enough to suck their thumbs at Rufus's age, 'n' then Tilda Ann said as not many mothers was fool enough to let 'em. Mrs. Kitts said Tilda Ann was never one to mince words. She always said jus' what she thought, 'n' that was a very bad thing for her too, for afore she died she 'd said jus' what she thought to so many people that they had great difficulty gettin' a party together to hunt for her that day as she turned up missin' on a'count of bein' down in the well.

"While we was talkin'--Mrs. Macy 'n' me--up Gran'ma Mullins come 'n' it turned out from her as we was all three expected to squeeze over to Meadville on Mr. Jilkins's back seat together. Mrs. Macy 'n' me was far from pleased at that prospeck, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins did n't look over rejoiced herself. There is them as can wedge, 'n' them as can't, 'n' we was all three the kind as can't. I ain't as wide as Mrs. Macy, nor yet the soft and squashy kind like Gran'ma Mullins, but I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as bein' overflowed around for sixteen miles, is to my order o' thinkin' full as tryin' as to be overflowin' aroun' somebody else."

"I--" said Mrs. Lathrop, mildly.

"No, you would n't either," said Susan, "I know you better 'n you know yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, for I know you asleep 'n' awake, 'n' you only know yourself awake; not as asleep 'n' awake is n't very much the same thing with you, Mrs. Lathrop; but asleep or awake, the main fact is as I know most, so you can just keep still till I get done with what I 'm sayin'."

Mrs. Lathrop kept still.

"Well, after it was settled as, willy-nilly, we'd got to back-seat it to Meadville together, Gran'ma Mullins begin about what a very superior man Rufus was 'n' what a very superior boy he used to be. Mrs. Macy did n't say nothin', 'cause it was easy to see as she 'd really took it a good deal to heart bein' thirded for sixteen miles; but Gran'ma Mullins went right on with when she lived in Meadville 'n' taught school that winter she was seventeen. She said as Rufus was in her middle class that winter 'n' _mos_' superior. He was nine 'n' the oldest o' nine, there bein' two pairs o' twins; she said it looked like Tabitha 'n' Sammy had took the Bible about replenishin' the earth right on to their own shoulders. Gran'ma Mullins said it was suthin' to make any one content to teach school forever, only to look at 'em; she said she should always think it was that as made all the men in Meadville so ready to go to the war 'n' the women so calm over their gettin' killed; she said no one wanted to get married there, anyhow."

"But she--" interposed Mrs. Lathrop, quickly.

"Well, but she knew he had a bullet in him 'n the Roman fever 'n' a pension," said Susan, "she knowed she was pretty safe--I would n't blame her under them circumstances. But that's neither here nor anywhere else, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' what with your interruptin' Lord knows when we will get around to Rufus, for I keep forgettin' he 's dead 'n' rememberin' him alive, 'n' no one as remembers Rufus Timmans alive could ever tell anything about him, 'n' you know that as well as I do. Gran'ma Mullins said herself to-day as he was a great problem to her in school, 'n' she used to study him out of all comparison to the other children. Every one admitted as he was superior, 'n' yet no one knowed jus' why. She says he really _was_ superior in lots o' ways, 'n' he whittled her a open-work ink-stand once for a Christmas as she 's used for toothpicks ever since, but she says the inside o' his ideas was surely most amazin'. She says she had him for two years, 'n' all she could say was as in all them two years she was mostly struck dumb by him. She says she used to go up 'n' talk to Tabitha, 'n' Tilda Ann used to come down 'n' talk with her, but nothin' ever seemed to come of it. Tilda Ann declared up 'n' down as he was a fool through 'n' through, 'n' poor Tabitha was awful nervous for fear he 'd invent somethin' in bed some night as would surely blow the house up. Seems he was so ahead at ten years old that he wanted to study to be a chemist, 'n' so behind that he spelt it 'kemst,' 'n' him all of ten years old.

"Gran'ma Mullins said she used to be clean beside herself; he was the show-boy whenever the board came, 'n' never got his lessons between times. She says she always knowed he 'd turn out _some way_, but Tilda Ann never had no opinion of him a _tall_. Not as Tilda Ann's opinion mattered much, 'cause she climbed into the well just about then, 'n' Rufus looked out a verse for her tombstone in the Bible. It was a very good motto for her too,--it was, 'Well done, thou good 'n' faithful servant'; it made a lot o' talk, 'cause she really never was paid nothin', but the sentiment about the well was very pretty, 'n' every one thought Tilda Ann herself would have liked it if she 'd stayed up 'n' so had any say in the matter.

"Gran'ma Mullins went on to say as she got married soon after, so she run out of talk, an' Mrs. Macy 'n' me was so tired listenin' to her anyway that we was all more 'n' content jus' to stand aroun' 'n' wait till the Jilkinses come drivin' up. Then we all had to up 'n' in somehow, 'n' I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, as wedgin' Mrs. Macy an' Gran'ma Mullins was certainly a sight to see. They was for puttin' me in the middle, but I was flat for a outside so 's I could breathe, 'n' in the end Mrs. Jilkins set between me 'n' Gran'ma Mullins, 'n' Mrs. Macy set with Mr. Jilkins--what of her did n't hang over outside."

"What did--" began Mrs. Lathrop.

"There was n't no other way to get 'em both there--that's why," said Susan; "there was them as went on the cars, but that was n't no great success, for they was so late that Rufus had his lid all on afore they got there, so they really had very little for their money. 'N' besides, if we 'd all gone on the cars, how was we to get to the grave? Rufus was well this side o' Meadville, 'n' the cemetery's some further this way, 'n' whatever your views may be I hope you don't mind my sayin' right out as other folks' views is always more sensible. You can't be expected to know much, Mrs. Lathrop, with your few church privileges 'n' your parlor too small for the sewin' society; but if you was less inclined to talk 'n' more inclined to listen to me I may in confidence remark as you _might_ learn about the funeral--even if you never learned nothin' else in this world."

Mrs. Lathrop was again silent forthwith.

"Drivin' over we all talked about Rufus. We had really a very pleasant ride, for we was all disposed to view him kindly goin' over. Mrs. Macy told over again what a superior baby he was, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins told over again what a superior boy he was, 'n' Mrs. Macy said as Mrs. Kitts said as he was the talk o' the town when he was twenty-one. Gran'ma Mullins did n't remember much about him then, 'cause she got married along about that time, 'n' she 's always said that them who gets married don't need nothin' else to do for one while; but Mrs. Macy said Rufus was one o' the most superior young men as Mrs. Kitts ever see. She said as old Mr. Tilley took him right into the heart 'n' soul o' his drug-store jus' because his mother was his cousin, 'n' even then the general feelin' was as he was way above the business. Mrs. Macy said as Mrs. Kitts said she 'd never forget goin' in one day for some salts 'n' finding Rufus all alone. Why, she said she never had known he was so head 'n' shoulders above other people! She says she 's told the story a million times 'n' it 's still fresh in her mind. She said she asked for simple salts, 'n' he begun right off about a comet. She felt awful uncomfortable to have to say as she had n't seen no comet, 'n' then it turned out no wonder, 'cause you could only see it from China an' Maddygasgar. She said she was awful interested, 'n' he was too, 'n' in the end he was _so_ interested that he found he had n't poured out o' the salts bottle a _tall_. It was only just a chance as he remembered as it was salts she wanted, 'n' she said he was _so_ nice about it, went under the counter to find a cork to fit, 'n' told her all about how they get gumarabic while he was under there, 'n' she was so deep in the subjeck that she never noticed, 'n' he stuck a poison label on, 'n' they both laughed over that fit to kill themselves. My goodness, Mrs. Macy said, but Mrs. Kitts said as he was a taking young man. In the end he wrote the name in Latin across the skull 'n' cross-bones, 'n' she only had to always remember as 'Sally Simplex' meant 'simple salts' from then on.

"She went on to say as the biggest thing Rufus ever done long about then was to down their minister in a open conversation one night callin' at Deacon Grummel's. She told all about it, 'n' seems as there was some talk afterwards about gettin' up a subscription to send him to college, only it never come to nothin' 'cause no one wanted to subscribe. Seems the minister was Luther Law, him as moved to Chicago afterwards 'n' got burnt up or out--I forget which--in the fire. Seems he was to Deacon Grummel's one night, 'n' him 'n' Rufus got to discussin' what we all come from. Mrs. Macy says Mrs. Grummel said she never hear the like. She 'n' her husband was jus' all of a tremble. She said afterwards that if it 'd of been any other minister than Luther Law, Rufus _would_ have had him sure. She said it was just like a lecture hall to hear, upon her honor. The minister begun by startin' out for our all comin' from Adam 'n' Eve, but Rufus come out flat for our bein' from monkeys. Well, Mrs. Grummel said she 'n' her husband could n't do no more than feel their hearts beat at _that_. Rufus jus' argued 'n' kep' on arguin' till he made the minister admit as there was n't nothin' absolute agin' monkeys, 'n' then--if that young man did n't go him one better 'n' say as he believed in tadpoles himself. Luther Law was flat agin' tadpoles, but Rufus never let up till he got him to admit that if the Lord could make a man out of a monkey He could make him out of a tadpole, too. 'N' _then_, when he'd got him so far, what _do_ you think, Mrs. Lathrop,--what do you think!--Mrs. Macy said as Mrs. Kitts said as Mrs. Grummel said if that young man did n't look right square into Luther's face 'n' say as to _his_ order o' thinkin' it wasn't what we'd come from as mattered so much as what we'd develop into _next_. 'That's what I want to know,' he said to Luther Law, runnin' his hand into himself in that way as was so fashionable along 'bout then, 'that's what _I_ want to know, 'n' I can't find no one as has a addykit answer for me.'

"Well, Mrs. Macy said Mrs. Kitts said as up to her deathbed day Mrs. Grummel _always_ said as that was _the_ minute o' her life. She said facin' cannon would n't be nothin' to the way she 'n' the deacon felt over seein' the minister asked a thing like that right on top o' their own tea! But, lor, you never could stick Luther Law. A minister would n't be able to be able to be a minister if little things like questions you can't answer could run him aground. He jus' waited a minute 'n' then he looked slow 'n' sad, an' lifted up his hand _so_, 'n' pointed _so_, an' said, 'Young man, how can you ask such a question, with the starry heaven right on top of your head?'

"Well! Mrs. Grummel said it was like a flash o' thunder splittin' clean through the air. She said her husband never quit saying to his dying day as that was the smartest thing as Luther Law ever said, considerin' how little time he had to think, 'n' it was the only thing in the wide world as he could of said, too. She said she told that story all over town, 'n' no one could ever decide which was the smartest, Rufus or Luther Law; 'cause even if Luther Law did find a way out, it was such a astonishin' thing as he did that Rufus got a sight o' credit out of comin' as nigh to stickin' him as _he_ did. A good many people begun to say then as he was too superior for a small town;--old Dr. Lumb said as to his order o' thinkin' he 'd ought to move near to some place where he'd have professors to talk to.

"Mrs. Macy said Mrs. Kitts give her to understand, though, as there was a 'nother side to Rufus even then, 'n' it begun to crop out mighty young, too. Mrs. Kitts said she would n't mention it only in confidence, but Mr. Tilley, of the drug-store where Rufus was, told _her_ as he'd be only too glad to see Rufus move _anywhere_, whether it had professors to talk to or not. Mr. Tilley said his ideas was far too advanced for a small town. Mr. Tilley said he could n't find the easiest things after Rufus had got 'em labelled in Latin, 'n' he said it wasn't practical to classify no drug-store without a rollin' step-ladder anyhow. Then there came up the Kelly cat, 'n' on account of the Kellys havin' money the Kelly cat come nigh to endin' Rufus. I never hear about the Kelly cat afore, but seems as the Kelly cat was ailin' 'n' the Kellys took it to Rufus for catnip, 'n' Rufus got to discoursin' with Bessy on how if you're born under Venus with Mars gettin' up you're bound to marry whoever you love, 'n' he clean forgot what ailed the cat 'n' tried to give her ipecac as if she was croupy instead o' bein' droopy. The cat knowed ipecac even if Rufus did n't, 'n' she bounced out from between him 'n' Bessy 'n' bounced into the winder 'n' busted the big bottle full o' green. Rufus said it was a fit, 'n' he got a hair-oil bottle as gives you a nickel nose of your own for nothin', 'n' he put the nose on the ipecac 'n' got the whole down the cat so far that she come nigh to swallowin' the nose. Mrs. Macy said Mrs. Kelly never felt to forgive Rufus, 'n' it set her deader 'n' ever agin' him, but, lor, Bessy was too head over heels in love to care about cats or ipecac. She was as sure Rufus was superior as any one could be, 'n' every one knowed what was up as well as she 'n' Rufus did. Mrs. Macy said as every one said as a superior young man must marry money or he could n't in reason stay superior long, 'n' Rufus was dead set on stayin' superior, so they was married the next spring 'n' moved to the city, 'n' they did n't come back till it was plain as Mr. Kelly 'd have to support 'em or let Bessy starve on Rufus's superiority."

Susan paused abruptly and sighed. Mrs. Lathrop said never a word. Presently the discourse flowed on again.

"Well, there was n't really no wish to say nothin' but good of Rufus, but it is a long drive to Meadville an' we had to talk, 'n' you know as well as I do, Mrs. Lathrop, as it's nigh to impossible to talk long of people if you 're only to say good of 'em. Rufus was there 'n' dead to talk about, 'n' while we naturally wished him well, still we was pretty tired before we got through drivin' sixteen miles to bury him. Gran'ma Mullins said finally as he was certainly a very superior man, but she knowed from her niece Hannah as he was trying to live with. She said Hannah lived with 'em for five years 'n' looked after the children, 'n cheered Bessy up when she was nigh to wore out with bein' married to Rufus. Hannah never had no use for Rufus Timmans herself,--she was awful fond o' Bessy 'n' the boys, but she drawed the line at Rufus, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins says she never minced matters neither. Gran'ma Mullins says as Hannah used to walk right in on Rufus 'n' let fly whenever she felt as the salvation of her soul called on her to speak or bu'st. She said Hannah said what she could n't stand was the way the general public seemed to coincide with Rufus's opinion of himself. Hannah used to say as the general run o' folks did n't have to live with Rufus Timmans an' she did, 'n' she furthermore used to say if the general run o' folks had had to live with Rufus Timmans they would n't o' viewed him from no fancy standpoint no more 'n' she did herself. Hannah used to say as day in 'n' day out was a terrible lettin' in o' light on dark spots, 'n' for her part she had n't got no use for a man as had the whole o' the inside o' the earth by heart 'n' was n't one earthly bit o' good on the outside of it. Hannah said as all she could say was as she wisht as some o' them as admired his superior understandin' could just be in her place one while. Gran'ma Mullins said as there was one time as Hannah never got over, 'n' that was the cistern, she said as Hannah always got mad whenever she told it, 'n' she told it so often, her face stayed always red in the end, jus' from tellin' that story so often.

"Seems as Rufus thought mebbe there was a dead rat in the cistern, so he had the cistern cleaned out, 'n' the drouth came on, 'n' Monday come on top o' the drouth, 'n' Hannah pumped her arms most off afore she realized as there wa'n't no water a _tall_, 'n' then she was that mad as she walked right in on Rufus 'n' give it to him.

"Gran'ma Mullins said Hannah said it made her mad only to look at him; he was sittin' in the little shady parlor, jus' softly rockin' back 'n' forth, readin' a book as told why the Dead Sea 's dead. Well, Hannah said no words could tell how much madder she got when she got right in front o' him--to see a able-bodied man rockin' 'n' readin' Dead Seas on top of a empty cistern. Hannah was never one to keep her own counsel in the face of her own feelin's, you know, 'n' she jus' went right up in front of Rufus 'n' said as calm as she could, 'Mr. Timmans, where's the water for the wash to come from?' Gran'ma Mullins said Hannah always said as she tried to stay calm but she give out young, 'n' the sight o' Rufus liftin' his superior eyes jus' did for her. She put her two hands on her two hips, an' let out right then 'n' there, 'Mr. Timmans,' she says, 'you was so sure 't there was a rat drowned in the cistern,' she says, 'that nothin' mus' do but you mus' clean it out,' she says; ''n' there wa'n't no rat,' she says, ''n' it ain't rained since,' she says, ''n' how're we to wash?' she says,--'n' then she waited to see what he would say, 'n' she said a lamb would o' begun to hop about 'n' yowl with mad to see how kind of calm 'n' dazed like 'n' altogether peaceful 'n' happy he looked up at her. 'N' he says, quite placid 'n' contented, 'Can't you get some water out o' the pond?' he says. 'Out o' the pond!' says Hannah, high-keyed like,--Gran'ma Mullins says Hannah always went high-keyed easy,--'out o' that muddy, swampy, slimy, marshy, cow-churned pond,' says Hannah, 'out o' that nasty, dirty, filthy, green pond,' says Hannah, gettin' high-keyeder 'n' high-keyeder. 'I can get it clean for you,' says Rufus, a-openin' the Dead Sea 'n' runnin' his eyes aroun' for his place,--'jus' say when you want it,' he says. Well, Gran'ma Mullins said Hannah always said as she never knowed what kept her off him at that minute, for she was that mad she felt like the righteous judgment o' the Lord was in the ends of her very finger-nails. '_Now_,' she says, 'right _now_,' she says; 'that's when I want it,' she says. Rufus looked up 'n' see she was in earnest, 'n' she says the way he sighed like he was a martyr as led the band was enough to have ended her patience once 'n' for all time if it had n't been for the wash, 'n' then he carefully turned a leaf down in the Dead Sea 'n' got out o' the rocker 'n' went 'n' got Nathan Lumb 'n' they went off together.

"Well, Gran'ma Mullins said Hannah begun to wait, 'n' Hannah waited until if Hannah had waited any longer she 'd have gone off like a rocket, she was that mad again. Gran'ma Mullins said Hannah always got so red she got purple if she only was rememberin' it after. 'N' in the end she could n't stand it no longer 'n' she set off for the pond herself. She always said as she just hoped 'n' prayed as they was both on 'em drowned all the way there, but the Lord in his mercy was n't seein' fit to deal out no such luck, 'n' she found the pond there an' Rufus 'n' Nathan gone.

"'N' what do you suppose she see, Mrs. Lathrop; what _do_ you suppose she see? You never heard the like, 'n' the whole wagon of us could n't but feel as it was maybe just as well as we was on our way to Rufus's funeral, for we _never_ could have faced him in real life after hearin' such a tale.

"Seems there was the pond 'n' there was the edge o' the pond, 'n' there was two barrels as Rufus 'n' Nathan had set close to the edge. One o' the barrels was empty 'n' one was full o' dirty swamp-water, 'n' Rufus's superior mind had hung a old piece o' carpet from one barrel over into the other so it could suck up dirty water 'n' drip off clean, 'n' mebbe if the sun did n't shine too hard Hannah 'd have a pail o' clean water come Hallowe'en. 'N' the wash waitin'!

"Mr. Jilkins said as that was jus' what might o' been expected o' Rufus. He'd like to observe the theery 'n' he would n't care about the wash. Gran'ma Mullins said it did the business for Hannah, though. She never could make up her mind to take Dr. Lumb before on a'count o' his swearin' so, but she made up her mind as anythin' as 'd rid her o' Rufus 'n' give her a chance to boss Nathan 'd fill her bill after that, 'n' she went up that very night 'n' told Dr. Lumb, as if he still wanted her, she was prepared to be took. He wanted her 'n' he took her, 'n' she was to the funeral to-day with Nathan 'n' his two boys, all of 'em brushed so slick you could see with half a eye as Hannah had got a deal o' satisfaction out o' them all these years since.

"She come over to sit beside Gran'ma Mullins 'n' talked a little while. She said Bessy Timmans was bearin' Rufus's loss mos' bravely, 'n' her daughter Betty was come home 'n' brought the baby to comfort her. Hannah said as Betty was a very sweet young woman. She said she never forgot the day when she was only four years old, 'n' asked right out why the family had to be so proud o' Rufus. Hannah said her mother shut her up quick, but it was plain to be seen as that child had eyes for them as could hear, 'n' was pretty quick at sizin' up Rufus.