Chapter XXII (1)

As I was not, as formerly, asleep in my carriage on deck, when we came within sight of the Irish shore, I saw, and hailed with delight, the beautiful bay of Dublin. The moment we landed, instead of putting myself out of humour, as before, with every thing at the Marine Hotel, I went directly to my friend Lord Y----‘s. I made my _sortie_ from the hotel with so much extraordinary promptitude, that a slip-shod waiter was forced to pursue me, running or shuffling after me the whole length of the street, before he could overtake me with a letter, which had been “waiting for my honour, at the hotel, since yesterday’s Holyhead packet.” This was a mistake, as the letter had never come or gone by any Holyhead packet; it was only a letter from Mr. M’Leod, to welcome me to Ireland again; and to tell me, that he had taken care to secure good well-aired lodgings for me: he added an account of what was going on at Glenthorn Castle. The extravagance of _my lady_ had by this time reduced the family to great difficulties for ready money, as they could neither sell nor mortgage any part of the Glenthorn estate, which was settled on the son. My poor foster-brother had, it seems, in vain attempted to restrain the wasteful folly of his wife, and to persuade Johnny, the young heir-apparent, to _larn_ to be a _jantleman_: in vain Christy tried to prevail on his lordship to “refrain drinking whisky _preferably_ to claret:” the youth pleaded both his father’s and mother’s examples; and said, that as he was an only son, and his father had but a life-interest in the estate, he _expected_ to be indulged; he repeated continually “a short life and a merry one for me.” Mr. M’Leod concluded this letter by observing, “that far from its being a merry life, he never saw any thing more sad than the life this foolish boy led; and that Glenthorn Castle was so melancholy and disgusting a scene of waste, riot, and intemperance, that he could not bear to go there.” I was grieved by this account, for the sake of my poor foster-brother; but it would have made a deeper impression upon me at any other time. I must own that I forgot the letter, and all that it contained, as I knocked at Lord Y----‘s door.

Lord Y---- received me with open arms; and, with all the kindness of friendship, anticipated the questions I longed, yet feared, to ask.

“Cecilia Delamere is still unmarried--Let these words be enough to content you for the present; all the rest is, I hope, in your own power.”

In my power!--delightful thought! yet how distant that hope! For I was now, after all my labours, but just called to the bar; not yet likely, for years, to make a guinea, much less a fortune, by my profession. Many of the greatest of our lawyers have gone circuit for ten or twelve years, before they made a _Fashionable Life_. hundred a year; and I was at this time four-and-thirty. I confessed to my Lord Y----, that these reflections alarmed and depressed me exceedingly: but he encouraged me by this answer--“Persevere--deserve success; and trust the rest, not to fortune, but to your friends. It is not required of you to make ten thousand or one thousand a year at the bar, in any given time; but it is expected from you to give proofs that you are capable of conquering the indolence of your disposition or of your former habits. It is required from you to give proofs of intellectual energy and ability. When you have convinced me that you have the knowledge and assiduity that ought to succeed at the bar, I shall be certain that only time is wanting to your actual acquisition of a fortune equal to what I ought to require for my fair friend and relation. When it comes to that point, it will, my dear sir, be time enough for me to say more. Till it comes to that point, I have promised Mrs. Delamere that you will not even attempt to see her daughter. She blames me for having permitted Cecilia and you to see so much of each other, as you did in this house when you were last in Ireland. Perhaps I was imprudent, but your conduct has saved me from my own reproaches, and I fear no other. I end where I began, with ‘Persevere--and may the success your perseverance deserves be your reward.’ If I recollect right, these were nearly Miss Delamere’s own words at parting with you.”

In truth, I had not forgotten them; and I was so much excited by their repetition at this moment, and by my excellent friend’s encouraging voice, that all difficulties, all dread of future labours or evils, vanished from my view. I went my first circuit, and made two guineas, and was content; for Lord Y---- was not disappointed: he told me it would, it must be so. But though I made no money, I obtained gradually, amongst my associates at the bar, the reputation for judgment and knowledge. Of this they could judge by my conversation, and by the remarks on the trials brought on before us. The elder counsel had been prepared in my favour, first by Mr. Devereux, and afterwards by my diligence in following their advice, during my studies in Dublin: they perceived that I had not lost my time in London, and that _my mind was in my possession_. They prophesied, that from the moment I began to be employed, I should rise rapidly. Opportunity, they told me, was now all that I wanted, and for that I must wait with patience. I waited with as much patience as I could. I had many friends; some among the judges, some among a more powerful class of men, the attorneys: some of these friends made for me by Mr. Devereux and Lady Geraldine; some by Lord Y----; some, may I say it? by myself. Yet the utmost that even the highest patronage from the bench can do for a young barrister is, to give him an opportunity of distinguishing himself in preference to other competitors. This was all I hoped; and I was not deceived in this hope. It happened that a cause of considerable moment, which had come on in our circuit, and to the whole course of which I had attended with great care, was removed, by an appeal, to Dublin. I fortunately, I should say prudently, was in the habit of constant attendance at the courts: the counsel who was engaged to manage this cause was suddenly taken ill, and was disabled from proceeding. The judge called upon me; the attorneys, and the other counsel, were all agreed in wishing me to take up the business, for they knew I was prepared, and competent to the question. The next day the cause, which was then to be finally decided, came on. I sat up all night to look over my documents, and to make myself sure of my points. Ten years before this, if any one had prophesied this of me, how little could I have believed them!

The trial came on--I rose to speak. How fortunate it was for me, that I did not know my Lord Y---- was in the court! I am persuaded that I could not have uttered three sentences, if he had caught my eye in the exordium of this my first harangue. Every man of sensibility--and no man without it can be an orator--every man of sensibility knows that it is more difficult to speak in the presence of one anxious friend, of whose judgment we have a high opinion, than before a thousand auditors who are indifferent, and are strangers to us. Not conscious who was listening to me, whose eyes were upon me, whose heart was beating for me, I spoke with confidence and fluency, for I spoke on a subject of which I had previously made myself completely master; and I was so full of the matter, that I thought not of the words. Perhaps this, and my having the right side of the question, were the causes of my success. I heard a buzz of thanks and applause round me. The decree was given in our favour. At this moment I recollected my bargain, and my debt to my good master the special pleader. But all bargains, all debts, all special pleaders, vanished the next instant from my mind; for the crowd opened, Lord Y---- appeared before me, seized my hand, congratulated me actually with tears of joy, carried me away to his carriage, ordered the coachman to drive home--fast! fast!

“And now,” said he to me, “I am satisfied. Your trial is over--successfully over--you have convinced me of your powers and your perseverance. All the hopes of friendship are fulfilled: may all the hopes of love be accomplished! You have now my free and full approbation to address my ward and relation, Cecilia Delamere. You will have difficulties with her mother, perhaps; but none beyond what we good and great lawyers shall, I trust, be able to overrule. Mrs. Delamere knows, that, as I have an unsettled estate, and but one son, I have it in my power to provide for her daughter as if she were my own. It has always been my intention to do so: but if you marry Miss Delamere, you will still find it necessary to pursue your profession diligently, to maintain her in her own rank and style of life; and now that you have felt the pleasures of successful exertion, you will consider this necessity as an additional blessing. From what I have heard this day, there can be no doubt, that, by pursuing your profession, you can secure, in a few years, not only ease and competence, but affluence and honours--honours of your own earning. How far superior to any hereditary title!”

The carriage stopped at Lord Y----‘s door. My friend presented me to Cecilia, whom I saw this day for the first time since my return to Ireland. From this hour I date the commencement of my life of real happiness. How unlike that life of _pleasure_, to which so many give erroneously the name of happiness! Lord Y----, with his powerful influence, supported my cause with Mrs. Delamere, who was induced, though with an ill grace, to give up her opposition.

“Cecilia,” she said, “was now three-and-twenty, an age to judge for herself; and Lord Y----‘s judgment was a great point in favour of Mr. O’Donoghoe, to be sure. And no doubt Mr. O’Donoghoe might make a fortune, since he had made a figure already at the bar. In short, she could not oppose the wishes of Lord Y----, and the affections of her daughter, since they were so fixed. But, after all,” said Mrs. Delamere, “what a horrid thing it will be to hear my girl called Mrs. O’Donoghoe! Only conceive the sound of--Mrs. O’Donoghoe’s carriage there!--Mrs. O’Donoghoe’s carriage stops the way!”

“Your objection, my dear madam,” replied Lord Y----, “is fully as well founded as that of a young lady of my acquaintance, who could not prevail on her delicacy to become the wife of a merchant of the name of _Sheepshanks_. He very wisely, or very gallantly, paid five hundred pounds to change his name. I make no doubt that your future son-in-law will have no objection to take and bear the name and arms of Delamere; and I think I can answer for it, that a king’s letter may be obtained, empowering him to do so. With this part of the business allow me to charge myself.”

I spare the reader the protracted journal of a lover’s hopes and fears. Cecilia, convinced, by the exertions in which I had so long persevered, that my affection for her was not only sincere and ardent, but likely to be permanent, did not torture me by the vain delays of female coquetry. She believed, she said, that a man capable of conquering habitual indolence could not be of a feeble character; and she therefore consented, without hesitation, to entrust her happiness to my care.

I hope my readers have, by this time, too favourable an opinion of me to suspect, that, in my joy, I forgot him who had been my steady friend in adversity. I wrote to M’Leod, as soon as I knew my own happiness, and assured him that it would be incomplete without his sympathy. I do not think there was at our wedding a face of more sincere, though sober joy, than M’Leod’s. Cecilia and I have been now married above a twelvemonth, and she permits me to say, that she has never, for a moment, repented her choice. That I have not relapsed into my former habits, the judicious and benevolent reader will hence infer: and yet I have been in a situation to be spoiled; for I scarcely know a wish of my heart that remains ungratified, except the wish that my friend Mr. Devereux and Lady Geraldine should return from India, to see and partake of that happiness of which they first prepared the foundation. They first awakened my dormant intellects, made me know that I had a heart, and that I was capable of forming a character for myself. The loss of my estate continued the course of my education, forced me to exert my own powers, and to rely upon myself. My passion for the amiable and charming Cecilia was afterwards motive sufficient to urge me to persevering intellectual labour: fortunately my marriage has obliged me to continue my exertions, and the labours of my profession have made the pleasures of domestic life most delightful. The rich, says a philosophic moralist, are obliged to labour, if they would be healthy or happy; and they call this labour exercise.

Whether, if I were again a rich man, I should have sufficient voluntary exertion to take a due portion of mental and bodily exercise, I dare not pretend to determine, nor do I wish to be put to the trial. Desiring nothing in life but the continuance of the blessings I possess, I may here conclude my memoirs, by assuring my readers, that after a full experience of most of what are called the pleasures of life, I would not accept of all the Glenthorn and Sherwood estates, to pass another year of such misery as I endured whilst I was “stretched on the rack of a too easy chair.”

The preceding memoirs were just ready for publication, when I received the following letter:

“HONOURED FOSTER-BROTHER,

“Since the day I parted yees, nothing in life but misfortins has happened me, owing to my being overruled by my wife, who would be a lady, all I could say again it. But that’s over, and there’s no help; for all and all that ever she can say will do no good. The castle’s burnt down all to the ground, and my Johnny’s dead, and I wish I was dead in his place. The occasion of his death was owing to drink, which he fell into from getting too much money, and nothing to do--and a snuff of a candle. When going to bed last night, a little in liquor, what does he do but takes the candle, and sticks it up against the head of his bed, as he used oftentimes to do, without detriment, in the cabin where he was reared, against the mud-wall. But this was close to an ould window curtain, and a deal of ould wood in the bed, which was all in a smother, and he lying asleep after drinking, when he was ever hard to wake, and before he waked at all, it appears the unfortunit _cratur_ was smothered, and none heard a sentence of it, till the ceiling of my room, the blue bedchamber, with a piece of the big wood cornice, fell, and wakened me with terrible uproar, and all above and about me was flame and smoke, and I just took my wife on my back, and down the stairs with her, which did not give in till five minutes after, and she screeching, and all them relations she had screeching and running every one for themselves, and no thought in any to save any thing at all, but just what they could for themselves, and not a sarvant that was in his right rason. I got the ladder with a deal of difficulty, and up to Johnny’s room, and there was a sight for me--he a corpse, and how even to get the corpse out of that, myself could not tell, for I was bewildered, and how they took me down, I don’t well know. When I came to my sinses, I was lying on the ground in the court, and all confusion and screaming still, and the flames raging worse than ever. There’s no use in describing all--the short of it is, there’s nothing remaining of the castle but the stones; and it’s little I’d think o’ that, if I could have Johnny back--such as he used to be in my good days; since he’s gone, I am no good. I write this to beg you, being married, of which I give you joy, to Miss Delamere, that is the _hare_ at law, will take possession of all immediately, for I am as good as dead, and will give no hindrance. I will go back to my forge, and, by the help of God, forget at my work what has passed; and as to my wife, she may go to her own kith and kin, if she will not abide by me. I shall not trouble her long. Mr. M’Leod is a good man, and will follow any directions you send; and may the blessing of God attind, and come to reign over us again, when you will find me, as heretofore,

“Your loyal foster-brother,

“CHRISTY DONOGHOE.”

Glenthorn Castle is now rebuilding; and when it is finished, and when I return thither, I will, if it should be desired by the public, give a faithful account of my feelings. I flatter myself that I shall not relapse into indolence; my understanding has been cultivated--I have acquired a taste for literature, and the example of Lord Y---- convinces me that a man may at once be rich and noble, and active and happy.

Written in 1804. Printed in 1809.

FOOTNOTES:

[73] Clodius Albinus.

[74] I was not the nobleman who laid a wager, that he could ride a fine horse to death in fifteen minutes. Indeed, I must do myself the justice to say, that I rejoiced at this man’s losing his bet. He _blew_ the horse in four minutes, and killed it; but it did not die within the time prescribed by the bet.

[75] If any one should think it impossible that a man of Lord Glenthorn’s consequence should, at the supposed moment of his death, thus be neglected, let them recollect the scenes that followed the death of Tiberius--of Henry the Fourth of France--of William Rufus, and of George the Second.

[76] “For fostering, I did never hear or read, that it was in use or reputation in any country, barbarous or civil, as it hath been, and yet is, in Ireland.... In the opinion of this people, fostering hath always been a stronger alliance than blood; and the foster-children do love and are beloved of their foster-fathers and their sept (or _clan_) more than of their natural parents and kindred; and do participate of their means more frankly, and do adhere unto them, in all fortunes, with more affection and constancy.... Such a general custom in a kingdom, in giving and taking children to foster, making such a firm alliance as it doth in Ireland, was never seen or heard of in any other country of the world beside.”--DAVIES.

See in Lodge’s Peerage of Ireland an account of an Irish nurse, who went from Kerry to France, and from France to Milan, to see her foster-son, the Lord Thomas Fitzmaurice; and to warn him that his estate was in danger from an heir-at-law, who had taken possession of it in his absence. The nurse, being very old, died on her return home.

[77] Verbatim.

[78] Since Lord Glenthorn’s Memoirs were published, the editor has received letters and information from the east, west, north, and south of Ireland, on the present state of posting in that country. The following is one of the many, which is vouched by indisputable authority as a true and recent anecdote, given in the very words in which it was related to the editor ... Mr. ------, travelling in Ireland, having got into a hackney chaise, was surprised to hear the driver knocking at each side of the carriage. “What are you doing?”--“A’n’t I nailing your honour up?”--“Why do you nail me up? I don’t wish to be nailed up.”--“Augh! would your honour have the doors fly off the hinges?” When they came to the end of the stage, Mr. ------ begged the man to unfasten the doors. “Ogh! what would I he taking out the nails for, to be racking the doors?”--“How shall I get out then?”--“Can’t your honour get out of the window like any other _jantleman?_” Mr. ------ began the operation; but, having forced his head and shoulder out, could get no farther, and called again to the postilion. “Augh! did any one ever see any one get out of a chay head foremost? Can’t your honour put out your feet first, like a Christian?”

Another correspondent from the south relates, that when he refused to go on till one of the four horses, who wanted a shoe, was shod, his two postilions in his hearing commenced thus: “Paddy, where _will_ I get a shoe, and no smith nigh hand?”--“Why don’t you see yon _jantleman’s_ horse in the field? can’t you go and unshoe him?”--“True for ye,” said Jem; “but that horse’s shoe will never fit him.”--“Augh! you can but try it,” said Paddy.--So the gentleman’s horse was actually unshod, and his shoe put upon the hackney horse; and, fit or not fit, Paddy went off with it.

Another gentleman, travelling in the north of Ireland in a hackney chaise during a storm of wind and rain, found that two of the windows were broken, and two could not by force or art of man be pulled up: he ventured to complain to his Paddy of the inconvenience he suffered from the storm pelting in his face. His consolation was, “Augh! God bless your honour, and can’t you get out and _set_ behind the carriage, and you’ll not get a drop at all, I’ll engage.”

[79] Mirabeau--Secret Memoirs.

[80] See Philosophical Transactions, vol. lxvii. part ii., Sir George Shuckburgh’s observations to ascertain the height of mountains--for a full account of the cabin of a couple of Alpine shepherdesses.

[81] See Harrison.

[82] “En petit compris vous pouvez voir Ce qui comprend beaucoup par renommé,
Plume, labeur, la langue, et le devoir
Furent vaincus par l’amant de l’aimée.
O gentille ame, étant toute estimée!
Qui te pourra louer, qu’en se taisant?
Car la parole est toujours réprimée
Quand le sujet surmonte le disant.”

[83] “The stag is roused from the woods that skirt Glenaa mountain, in which there are many of these animals that run wild; the bottoms and sides of the mountains are covered with woods, and the declivities are so long and steep that no horse could either make his way to the bottom, or climb these impracticable hills. It is impossible to follow the hunt, either on foot or on horseback. The spectator enjoys the diversion on the lake, where the cry of hounds, the harmony of the horn, resounding from the hills on every side, the universal shouts of joy along the valleys and mountains, which are often lined with foot-people, who come in vast numbers to partake and assist at the diversion, re-echo from hill to hill, and give the highest glee and satisfaction that the imagination can conceive possible to arise from the chase, and perhaps can nowhere be enjoyed with that spirit and sublime elevation of soul, that a thorough-bred sportsman feels at a stag-hunt on the Lake of Killarney. There is, however, one imminent danger which awaits him; that in his raptures and ecstasies he may forget himself and jump out of the boat. When hotly pursued, and weary with the constant difficulty of making his way with his ramified antlers through the woods, the stag, terrified at the cry of his open-mouthed pursuers, almost at his heels, now looks toward the lake as his last resource--then pauses and looks upwards; but the hills are insurmountable, and the woods refuse to shelter him--the hounds roar with redoubled fury at the sight of their victim--he plunges into the lake. He escapes but for a few minutes from one merciless enemy to fall into the hands of another--the shouting boat-men surround their victim--throw cords round his majestic antlers--he is haltered and dragged to shore; while the big tears roll down his face, and his heaving sides and panting flanks speak his agonies, the keen searching knife drinks his blood, and savages exult at his expiring groan.”

[84] Than.

[85] An Irishman in using this word has some confused notion that it comes from _negro_; whereas it really means niggard.

THE DUN.

“Horrible monster! hated by gods and men.”--PHILLIPS.

“In the higher and middle classes of society,” says a celebrated writer, “it is a melancholy and distressing sight to observe, not unfrequently, a man of a noble and ingenuous disposition, once feelingly alive to a sense of honour and integrity, gradually sinking under the pressure of his circumstances, making his excuses at first with a blush of conscious shame, afraid to see the faces of his friends from whom he may have borrowed money, reduced to the meanest tricks and subterfuges to delay or avoid the payment of his just debts, till, ultimately grown familiar with falsehood, and at enmity with the world, he loses all the grace and dignity of man.”

Colonel Pembroke, the subject of the following story, had not, at the time his biographer first became acquainted with him, “grown familiar with falsehood;” his conscience was not entirely callous to reproach, nor was his heart insensible to compassion; but he was in a fair way to get rid of all troublesome feelings and principles. He was connected with a set of selfish young men of fashion, whose opinions stood him in stead of law, equity, and morality; to them he appealed in all doubtful cases, and his self-complacency being daily and hourly dependent upon their decisions, he had seldom either leisure or inclination to consult his own judgment. His amusements and his expenses were consequently regulated by the example of his companions, not by his own choice. To follow them in every absurd variety of the mode, either in dress or, equipage, was his first ambition; and all their factitious wants appeared to him objects of the first necessity. No matter how good the boots, the hat, the coat, the furniture, or the equipage might be, if they had outlived the fashion of the day, or even of the hour, they were absolutely worthless in his eyes. _Nobody_ could be seen in such things--then of what use could they be to _any body_? Colonel Pembroke’s finances were not exactly equal to the support of such _liberal_ principles; but this was a misfortune which he had in common with several of his companions. It was no check to their spirit--they could live upon credit--credit, “that talisman, which realizes every thing it imagines, and which can imagine every thing.” [See Des Casaux sur le Méchanisme de la Société.] Without staying to reflect upon the immediate or remote consequences of this system, Pembroke, in his first attempts, found it easy to reduce it to practice: but, as he proceeded, he experienced some difficulties. Tradesmen’s bills accumulated, and applications for payment became every day more frequent and pressing. He defended himself with much address and ingenuity, and practice perfected him in all the Fabian arts of delay. “_No faith with duns_” became, as he frankly declared, a maxim of his morality. He could now, with a most plausible face, protest to a _poor devil_, upon the honour of a gentleman, that he should be paid to-morrow; when nothing was farther from his intentions or his power than to keep his word: and when _to-morrow_ came, he could, with the most easy assurance, _damn the rascal_ for putting a gentleman in mind of his promises. But there were persons more difficult to manage than _poor devils_. Colonel Pembroke’s tailor, who had begun by being the most accommodating fellow in the world, and who had in three years run him up a bill of thirteen hundred pounds, at length began to fail in complaisance, and had the impertinence to talk of his large family, and his urgent calls for money, etc. And next, the colonel’s shoe and boot-maker, a man from whom he had been in the habit of taking two hundred pounds’ worth of shoes and boots every year, for himself and his servants, now pretended to be in distress for ready money, and refused to furnish more goods upon credit. “Ungrateful dog!” Pembroke called him; and he actually believed his creditors to be ungrateful and insolent, when they asked for their money; for men frequently learn to believe what they are in the daily habit of asserting [Rochefoucault], especially if their assertions be not contradicted by their audience. He knew that his tradesmen overcharged him in every article he bought, and therefore he thought it but just to delay payment whilst it suited his convenience. “Confound them, they can very well afford to wait!” As to their pleas of urgent demands for ready money, large families, &c., he considered these merely as words of course, tradesmen’s cant, which should make no more impression upon a gentleman than the whining of a beggar.

One day when Pembroke was just going out to ride with some of his gay companions, he was stopped at his own door by a pale, thin, miserable-looking boy, eight or nine years old, who presented him with a paper, which he took for granted was a petition; he threw the child half-a-crown. “There, take that,” said he, “and stand out of the way of my horse’s heels, I advise you, my little fellow.”

The boy, however, still pressed closer; and, without picking up the half-crown, held the paper to Colonel Pembroke, who had now vaulted into his saddle.

“O no! no! That’s too much, my lad--I never read petitions--I’d sooner give half-a-crown at any time than read a petition.”

“But, sir, this is not a petition--indeed, sir, I am not a beggar.”

“What is it then?--Heyday! a bill!--Then you’re worse than a beggar--a dun!--a dun! in the public streets, at your time of life! You little rascal, why what will you come to before you are your father’s age?” The boy sighed. “If,” pursued the colonel, “I were to serve you right, I should give you a good horse-whipping. Do you see this whip?”

“I do, sir,” said the boy; “but----”

“But what? you insolent little dun!--But what?”

“My father is dying,” said the child, bursting into tears, “and we have no money to buy him bread, or any thing.”

Struck by these words, Pembroke snatched the paper from the boy, and looking hastily at the total and title of the bill, read--“Twelve pounds fourteen--John White, weaver.”--“I know of no such person!--I have no dealings with weavers, child,” said the colonel, laughing: “My name’s Pembroke--Colonel Pembroke.”

“Colonel Pembroke--yes, sir, the very person Mr. Close, the tailor, sent me to!”

“Close the tailor! D--n the rascal: was it he sent you to dun me? For this trick he shall not see a farthing of my money this twelvemonth. You may tell him so, you little whining hypocrite!--And, hark you! the next time you come to me, take care to come with a better story--let your father and mother, and six brothers and sisters, be all lying ill of the fever--do you understand?”

He tore the bill into bits as he spoke, and showered it over the boy’s head. Pembroke’s companions laughed at this operation, and he facetiously called it “powdering a dun.” They rode off to the Park in high spirits; and the poor boy picked up the half-crown, and returned home. His home was in a lane in Moorfields, about three miles distant from this gay part of the town. As the child had not eaten any thing that morning, he was feeble, and grew faint as he was crossing Covent Garden. He sat down upon the corner of a stage of flowers.

“What are you doing there?” cried a surly man, pulling him up by the arm; “What business have you lounging and loitering here, breaking my best balsam?”

“I did not mean to do any harm--I am not loitering, indeed, sir,--I’m only weak,” said the boy, “and hungry.”

“Oranges! oranges! fine China oranges!” cried a woman, rolling her barrow full of fine fruit towards him. “If you’ve a two-pence in the world, you can’t do better than take one of these fine ripe China oranges.”

“I have not two-pence of my own in the world,” said the boy.

“What’s that I see through the hole in your waistcoat pocket?” said the woman; “is not that silver?”

“Yes, half-a-crown; which I am carrying home to my father, who is ill, and wants it more than I do.”

“Pooh! take an orange out of it--it’s only two-pence--and it will do you good--I’m sure you look as if you wanted it badly enough.”

“That may be; but father wants it worse.--No, I won’t change my half-crown,” said the boy, turning away from the tempting oranges.

The gruff gardener caught him by the hand.

“Here, I’ve moved the balsam a bit, and it is not broke, I see; sit ye down, child, and rest yourself, and eat this,” said he, putting into his hand half a ripe orange, which he just cut.

“Thank you!--God bless you, sir!--How good it is!--But,” said the child, stopping after he had tasted the sweet juice, “I am sorry I have sucked so much; I might have carried it home to father, who is ill; and what a treat it would be to him!--I’ll keep the rest.”

“No--that you sha’n’t,” said the orange-woman. “But I’ll tell you what you shall do--take this home to your father, which is a better one by half--I’m sure it will do him good--I never knew a ripe China orange do harm to man, woman, or child.”

The boy thanked the good woman and the gardener, as only those can thank who have felt what it is to be in absolute want. When he was rested, and able to walk, he pursued his way home. His mother was watching for him at the street-door.

“Well, John, my dear, what news? Has he paid us?”

The boy shook his head.

“Then we must bear it as well as we can,” said his mother, wiping the cold dew from her forehead.

“But look, mother, I have this half-crown, which the gentleman, thinking me a beggar, threw to me.”

“Run with it, love, to the baker’s. No--stay, you’re tired--I’ll go myself; and do you step up to your father, and tell him the bread is coming in a minute.”

“Don’t run, for you’re not able, mother; don’t hurry so,” said the boy, calling after her, and holding up his orange: “see, I have this for father whilst you are away.”

He clambered up three flights of dark, narrow, broken stairs, to the room in which his father lay. The door hung by a single hinge, and the child had scarcely strength enough to raise it out of the hollow in the decayed floor into which it had sunk. He pushed it open, with as little noise as possible, just far enough to creep in.

Let those forbear to follow him whose fine feelings can be moved only by romantic, elegant scenes of distress, whose delicate sensibility shrinks from the revolting sight of real misery. Here are no pictures for romance, no stage effect to be seen, no poetic language to be heard; nothing to charm the imagination,--every thing to disgust the senses.

This room was so dark, that upon first going into it, after having been in broad daylight, you could scarcely distinguish any one object it contained; and no one used to breathe a pure atmosphere could probably have endured to remain many minutes in this garret. There were three beds in it: one on which the sick man lay; divided from it by a tattered rug was another, for his wife and daughter; and a third for his little boy in the farthest corner. Underneath the window was fixed a loom, at which the poor weaver had worked hard many a day and year--too hard, indeed--even till the very hour he was taken ill. His shuttle now lay idle upon his frame. A girl of about sixteen--his daughter--was sitting at the foot of his bed, finishing some plain work.

“Oh, Anne! how your face is all flushed!” said her little brother, as she looked up when he came into the room.

“Have you brought us any money?” whispered she: “don’t say _No_ loud, for fear father should hear you.” The boy told her in a low voice all that had passed.

“Speak out, my dear, I’m not asleep,” said his father. “So you are come back as you went?”

“No, father, not quite--there’s bread coming for you.”

“Give me some more water, Anne, for my mouth is quite parched.”

The little boy cut his orange in an instant, and gave a piece of it to his father, telling him, at the same time, how he came by it The sick man raised his hands to heaven, and blessed the poor woman who gave it to him.

“Oh, how I love her! and how I hate that cruel, unjust, rich man, who won’t pay father for all the hard work he has done for him!” cried the child: “how I hate him!”

“God forgive him!” said the weaver. “I don’t know what will become of you all, when I’m gone; and no one to befriend you, or even to work at the loom. Anne, I think if I was up,” said he, raising himself, “I could still contrive to do a little good.”

“Dear father, don’t think of getting up; the best you can do for us is to lie still and take rest.”

“Rest! I can take no rest, Anne. Rest! there’s none for me in this world. And whilst I’m in it, is not it my duty to work for my wife and children? Reach me my clothes, and I’ll get up.”

It was in vain to contend with him, when this notion seized him that it was his duty to work till the last. All opposition fretted and made him worse; so that his daughter and his wife, even from affection, were forced to yield, and to let him go to the loom, when his trembling hands were scarcely able to throw the shuttle. He did not know how weak he was till he tried to walk. As he stepped out of bed, his wife came in with a loaf of bread in her hand: at the unexpected sight he made an exclamation of joy; sprang forward to meet her, but fell upon the floor in a swoon, before he could put one bit of the bread which she broke for him into his mouth. Want of sustenance, the having been overworked, and the constant anxiety which preyed upon his spirits, had reduced him to this deplorable state of weakness. When he recovered his senses, his wife showed him his little boy eating a large piece of bread; she also ate, and made Anne eat before him, to relieve his mind from that dread which had seized it--and not without some reason--that he should see his wife and children starve to death.

“You find, father, there’s no danger for to-day,” said Anne; “and to-morrow I shall be paid for my plain work, and then we shall do very well for a few days longer; and I dare say in that time Mr. Close the tailor will receive some money from some of the great many rich gentlemen who owe him so much; and you know he promised that as soon as ever he was able he would pay us.”

With such hopes, and the remembrance of such promises, the poor man’s spirits could not be much raised; he knew, alas! how little dependence was to be placed on them. As soon as he had eaten, and felt his strength revive, he insisted upon going to the loom; his mind was bent upon finishing a pattern, for which he was to receive five guineas in ready money: he worked and worked, then lay down and rested himself,--then worked again, and so on during the remainder of the day; and during several hours of the night he continued to throw the shuttle, whilst his little boy and his wife by turns wound spools for him.

He completed his work, and threw himself upon his bed quite exhausted, just as the neighbouring clock struck one.

At this hour Colonel Pembroke was in the midst of a gay and brilliant assembly at Mrs. York’s, in a splendid saloon, illuminated with wax-lights in profusion, the floor crayoned with roses and myrtles, which the dancers’ feet effaced, the walls hung with the most expensive hot-house flowers; in short, he was surrounded with luxury in all its extravagance. It is said that the peaches alone at this entertainment amounted to six hundred guineas. They cost a guinea a-piece: the price of one of them, which Colonel Pembroke threw away because it was not perfectly ripe, would have supported the weaver and his whole family for a week.

There are political advocates for luxury, who assert, perhaps justly, that the extravagance of individuals increases the wealth of nations. But even upon this system, those who by false hopes excite the industrious to exertion, without paying them their just wages, commit not only the most cruel private injustice, but the most important public injury. The permanence of industry in any state must be proportioned to the certainty of its reward.

Amongst the masks at Mrs. York’s were three who amused the company particularly; the festive mob followed them as they moved, and their bon-mots were applauded and repeated by all the best, that is to say, the most fashionable male and female judges of wit. The three distinguished characters were a spendthrift, a bailiff, and a dun. The spendthrift was supported with great spirit and _truth_ by Colonel Pembroke, and two of his companions were _great_ and _correct_ in the parts of the bailiff and the dun. The happy idea of appearing in these characters this night had been suggested by the circumstance that happened in the morning. Colonel Pembroke gave himself great credit, he said, for thus “striking novelty even from difficulty;” and he rejoiced that the rascal of a weaver had sent his boy to dun him, and had thus furnished him with diversion for the evening as well as the morning. We are much concerned that we cannot, for the advantage of posterity, record any of the innumerable _good things_ which undoubtedly were uttered by this trio. Even the newspapers of the day could speak only in general panegyric. The probability, however, is, that the colonel deserved the praises that were lavished upon his manner of supporting his character. No man was better acquainted than himself with all those anecdotes of men of fashion, which could illustrate the spendthrift system. At least fifty times he had repeated, and always with the same _glee_, the reply of a great character to a creditor, who, upon being asked when his _bond_ debts were likely to be paid, answered, “On the day of judgment.”

Probably the admiration which this and similar sallies of wit have excited, must have produced a strong desire in the minds of many young men of spirit to perform similar feats; and though the ruin of innumerable poor creditors may be the consequence, that will not surely be deemed by a certain class of reasoners worthy of a moment’s regret, or even a moment’s thought. Persons of tender consciences may, perhaps, be shocked at the idea of committing injustice and cruelty by starving their creditors, but they may strengthen their minds by taking an enlarged political view of the subject.

It is obvious, that whether a hundred guineas be in the pocket of A or B, the total sum of the wealth of the nation remains the same; and whether the enjoyments of A be as 100, and those of B as 0,--or whether these enjoyments be equally divided between A and B,--is a matter of no importance to the political arithmetician, because in both cases it is obvious that the total sum of national happiness remains the same. The happiness of individuals is nothing compared with the general mass.

And if the individual B should fancy himself ill-used by our political arithmetician, and should take it into his head to observe, that though the happiness of B is nothing to the general mass, yet that it is every thing to him, the politician of course takes snuff, and replies, that his observation is foreign to the purpose--that the good of the whole society is the object in view. And if B immediately accede to this position, and only ask humbly whether the good of the whole be not made up of the good of the parts, and whether as a part he have not some right to his share of good, the dexterous logical arithmetician answers, that B is totally out of the question, because B is a negative quantity in the equation. And if obstinate B, still conceiving himself aggrieved, objects to this total annihilation of himself and his interests, and asks why the lot of extinction should not fall upon the debtor C, or even upon the calculator himself, by whatever letter of the alphabet he happens to be designated, the calculator must knit his brow, and answer--any thing he pleases--except, _I don’t know_--for this is a phrase below the dignity of a philosopher. This argument is produced, not as a statement of what is really the case, but as a popular argument against political sophistry.

Colonel Pembroke, notwithstanding his success at Mrs. York’s masquerade in his character of a spendthrift, could not by his utmost wit and address satisfy or silence his impertinent tailor. Mr. Close absolutely refused to give further credit without valuable consideration; and the colonel was compelled to pass his bond for the whole sum which was claimed, which was fifty pounds more than was strictly due, in order to compound with the tailor for the want of ready money. When the bond was fairly signed, sealed, and delivered, Mr. Close produced the poor weaver’s bill.

“Colonel Pembroke,” said he, “I have a trifling bill here--I am really ashamed to speak to you about such a trifle--but as we are settling all accounts--and as this White, the weaver, is so wretchedly poor, that he or some of his family are with me every day of my life dunning me to get me to speak about their little demand--”

“Who is this White?” said Mr. Pembroke.

“You recollect the elegant waistcoat pattern of which you afterwards bought up the whole piece, lest it should become common and vulgar?--this White was the weaver from whom we got it.”

“Bless me! why that’s two years ago: I thought that fellow was paid long ago!”

“No, indeed, I wish he had been; for he has been the torment of my life this many a month--I never saw people so eager about their money.”

“But why do you employ such miserable, greedy creatures? What can you expect but to be dunned every hour of your life?”

“Very true, indeed, colonel; it is what I always, on that principle, avoid as far as possibly I can: but I can’t blame myself in this particular instance; for this White, at the time I employed him first, was a very decent man, and in a very good way, for one of his sort: but I suppose he has taken to drink, for he is worth not a farthing now.”

“What business has a fellow of his sort to drink? He should leave that for his betters,” said Colonel Pembroke, laughing. “Drinking’s too great a pleasure for a weaver. The drunken rascal’s money is safer in my hands, tell him, than in his own.”

The tailor’s conscience twinged him a little at this instant, for he had spoken entirely at random, not having the slightest grounds for his insinuation that this poor weaver had ruined himself by drunkenness.

“Upon my word, sir,” said Close, retracting, “the man may not be a drunken fellow for any thing I know positively--I purely surmised _that_ might be the case, from his having fallen into such distress, which is no otherwise accountable for, to my comprehension, except we believe his own story, that he has money due to him which he cannot get paid, and that this has been his ruin.”

Colonel Pembroke cleared his throat two or three times upon hearing this last suggestion, and actually took up the weaver’s bill with some intention of paying it; but he recollected that he should want the ready money he had in his pocket for another indispensable occasion; for he was _obliged_ to go to Brookes’s that night; so he contented his humanity by recommending it to Mr. Close to pay White and have done with him.

“If you let him have the money, you know, you can put it down to my account, or make a memorandum of it at the back of the bond. In short, settle it as you will, but let me hear no more about it. I have not leisure to think of such trifles--Good morning to you, Mr. Close.”

Mr. Close was far from having any intention of complying with the colonel’s request. When the weaver’s wife called upon him after his return home, he assured her that he had not seen the colour of one guinea, or one farthing, of Colonel Pembroke’s money; and that it was absolutely impossible that he could pay Mr. White till he was paid himself--that it could not be expected he should advance money for any body out of his own pocket--that he begged he might not be pestered and dunned any more, for that _he really had not leisure to think of such trifles_.