Chapter IV: Part 4

Tucker, however, did not make this interview disagreeable in the way that was expected: instead of becoming discouraged and depressed, he became indignant.

"What's that?" he cried. "You don't consider me a good risk?"

"I am sorry to say," returned Murray, "that our physician does not report favorably on you."

"Oh, he doesn't!" exclaimed Tucker. "Well, that's a good joke on the doctor, isn't it?"

"What!"

"You'd better discharge him and get a man with some sense."

"I thought," said Murray dubiously, "that it might seem rather hard on you."

"Hard on me!" ejaculated Tucker. "Hard on the company, you mean! You're letting a little two-by-four doctor steer you away from a good thing. Why, say! I'm good for as long a life as an elephant!"

"I'm sure I hope so."

"It's robbery--plain robbery--for that doctor to take a fee from you for making such a report on me. I'll show him up!"

"How?" asked Murray curiously.

"By living!" declared Tucker. "It's going to give me infinite pleasure to report to you from time to time and show you one of the healthiest men that ever was turned down by an insurance company. He can't scare me into a decline--not any! And, say! he looks to me like a young man."

"He is."

"A young man in fine physical condition."

"He is."

"Well, I'll go to his funeral, and I'll be in prime condition when he's put away! You tell him that, will you? I'll be walking when he has to be carried."

Now, this was rather annoying to Murray. It was preferable to the despair that overwhelmed some men in similar circumstances, but it seemed to him that Tucker was overdoing it.

"Anyhow," said Murray resentfully, "we would not care to put fifty thousand dollars on your life, for it's more than a man in your position ought to carry. You'll never be worth as much alive as you would be dead, with that insurance."

"Oh, I won't!" retorted Tucker sarcastically. "Well, now, instead of making the girl I am to marry a present of a policy on my life, I'll just make her a present of your whole blamed company in a few years. You watch what I do with the money you might have had!"

"You are about to marry?" asked Murray with interest. "It's a serious matter, in view of the physician's report."

"Marriage is always a serious matter," asserted Tucker. "I don't have to have a doctor tell me that. But he can't scare me out with flubdub about heart murmur, for I know the heart was murmuring, and the prospective Mrs. Tucker does, too. She'll interpret that murmur for him any time he wants a little enlightenment."

Murray laughed when Tucker had gone. The man's indignation had been momentarily irritating, but there was something amusing about it, too.

"He's going to live to a green old age, just to spite the company," mused Murray. "It's a matter of no great personal interest to him, but he'd like to make the company feel bad. If a man could order his life as he can his business affairs, there would be mighty little chance for us."

Meanwhile, Tucker was hastening to the home of Miss Frances Greer.

"I've come to release you," he announced cheerfully.

"But I don't want to be released," she returned.

"Of course not," he said. "I didn't suppose you would. But you might just as well know that you're getting a poor risk."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Why, I wanted to put fifty thousand dollars on my life, as a precaution for the future, and the fool of an insurance doctor turned me down."

"What do I care about the doctor!" she exclaimed.

"Not a thing, of course."

"Or insurance!"

"Still less."

"And," she said happily, "you're a good enough risk for me."

Then they went into executive session and decided that insurance doctors didn't know anything, anyway. But they did not forget Dave Murray, and they did not let Dave Murray forget them: he heard from them indirectly in the most annoying ways. His wife informed him less than a week later that she had met Miss Greer at a reception.

"A most extraordinary girl!" his wife remarked. "I can't understand her at all. She asked me in a most ingenuous way if I ever had noticed any indications of heart murmur about you.

"'Never,' said I.

"'Not even in the engagement days when he was making love?' she insisted.

"'Not even then,' I answered, bewildered.

"'He couldn't have been much of a lover,' she remarked."

Murray laughed and explained the situation to his wife. But Murray would have been better pleased if the two women had not met, for he had no desire to have this case perpetually present in the more intimate associations of life. However, he had to make the best of it, even when he was invited to the wedding, to which his wife insisted that he should go. She had discovered that the bride was related to an intimate friend of her own girlhood days, and the bride further showed flattering gratification in this discovery. She was especially gracious to Murray.

"I want to ask you a question," she told him.

Thereupon Murray made heroic efforts to escape before she could find a suitable opportunity, but she beckoned him back whenever he got near the door.

"Mama," she said finally, for this happened during the wedding reception, and her mother stood near her, "I wish you would take charge of Mr. Murray and see that he doesn't run away. I have something very important to say to him before Ralph and I leave."

Thus the unhappy Murray was held until the bride and groom were ready to depart, when the bride finally succeeded in getting him alone for a minute.

"I wanted to ask you, as a particular favor to me," she said appealingly, "to let Ralph live a little while--that is, if your doctor won't make too big a row about it."

Then she laughed merrily. There could be no doubt at all that Mrs. Ralph Tucker refused absolutely to worry about the health of Mr. Ralph Tucker; she had simply put the doctor down as an ignoramus. And Mr. Ralph Tucker's appearance certainly was not that of a man in poor physical condition. However, Murray knew how deceptive appearances may be, and, while no physician is infallible, it is necessary to rely on their judgment. Nor was it a joking matter, in his opinion. He was glad that the young people could look at the future without misgivings, but a really serious matter ought not to be treated so lightly.

It was about a week later that a note came to Murray from Mrs. Tucker.

"So grateful to you for sparing Ralph so long," it read.

Murray crumpled it up and, with some rather warm remarks, threw it in the waste-basket.

"Why did I relieve Ross of his disagreeable task?" he grumbled.

Then he began to count the days that would precede their return from the bridal trip, for he was sure they would call on him. There could be no doubt that Mrs. Tucker had deliberately planned to make things as uncomfortable for him as possible, and there was every reason to believe that Tucker himself was aiding and abetting her.

"It isn't fair," he muttered, "to make it appear that this is a personal matter with me. The Lord knows I haven't anything to do with his lease of life."

This was just after he had received a telegram to the effect that "the patient is doing as well as can be expected," and Ross, who happened in the office at the time, noticed that his chief looked at him reproachfully.

"What's the matter?" asked Ross.

"Hereafter," returned Murray morosely, "my solicitors have got to carry their own burdens. If Tucker and his wife put me in an insane asylum, the administrator of my estate will surely sue you for big damages. I never thought I was getting a life sentence when I let you unload on me."

The physician also noticed a growing coolness and was moved to ask what was wrong.

"Didn't you make a mistake in the Tucker case?" Murray inquired by way of reply. "I don't wish Tucker any harm, but I'm doomed to an early death if he isn't."

"I don't see what his life has to do with yours," retorted the doctor.

"That's because you don't know Mrs. Tucker," replied Murray.

"He was an impossible risk," asserted the doctor. "The indications of serious trouble may entirely disappear, under favorable conditions of life, but they were there when I made the examination. Ours is not yet an exact science, and the human system frequently fools us. You recall the Denton case, don't you?"

"Yes."

"At twenty the doctors, including his family physician, gave him not more than two or three years to live, and at twenty-five he was considered a good risk for any insurance company. He is nearly thirty-five now, has one policy in this company, and we would be glad to let him have another."

"Oh, you're all right, Doctor, of course," returned Murray. "We must be careful to err on the safe side, if we err at all, in this business. But I wish the Tuckers would transfer their attentions to you. I'll be tempted to jump out of the window when I see them coming in the door."

The Tuckers, however, were not to be escaped. After an interval of about three weeks they sent him another telegram, which read: "If we retire to a ranch, will you lengthen the lease of life a little?" Then they came back and called on him.

"So kind of you to let us have this trip," said Mrs. Tucker with every evidence of deep gratitude. "Poor Ralph appreciates it."

Poor Ralph was looking as big and strong and happy as it was possible for a man to look, and Murray was correspondingly uncomfortable.

"The premiums on fifty thousand dollars would have been pretty heavy," remarked Tucker with a cheerful grin.

"Yes," admitted Murray weakly.

"I had a tidy little sum put aside to care for them," Tucker explained. "We thought it would interest your company to know that we put that money into a small ranch out west, so it is entirely out of reach now. You don't mind my choosing a restful place for my early demise, do you?"

"Now, see here!" cried Murray, but Mrs. Tucker interrupted him.

"Oh, he wouldn't be so cruel as that!" she exclaimed. "Show him what the doctor said, Ralph."

Tucker spread a sheet of paper on the desk before Murray, and the latter read: "This is to certify that I have made a careful examination of Ralph Tucker, and I believe him to be in excellent physical condition. I attach slight importance to the indications of incipient heart trouble, which, with reasonable care and proper treatment, should disappear entirely." This was signed by a noted specialist.

"And the next," said Mrs. Tucker.

Thereupon Tucker laid this before Murray: "The heart murmur noted I believe to be due to temporary causes and not to any permanent affection. On the occasion of one examination there were no indications of it at all." This also was signed by a well-known physician.

"Poor Ralph!" sighed Mrs. Tucker, and Murray felt that the burden of this case was greater than he could bear.

"They don't agree entirely," he asserted aggressively.

"No," admitted Tucker, "but I understand that's not unusual in such cases."

"And they don't agree with your doctor at all," added Mrs. Tucker. "But, of course, your doctor is right. Poor Ralph!"

"Please don't do that," pleaded Murray.

"Poor Ralph!" sighed Mrs. Tucker again. "The doctors don't think he'll live more than a lifetime."

"Put in another application and take another examination," urged Murray in despair. "The doctor may have been misled by some trifling temporary trouble."

"What would be the use?" asked Tucker. "I've already invested the premium money in a small ranch."

"It's too bad," remarked Mrs. Tucker lugubriously. "That money would have done the company so much good."

"This has ceased to be a joke!" declared Murray earnestly.

"A joke!" exclaimed Mrs. Tucker. "Has it ever been a joke with you?"

"No, it hasn't," said Murray.

"I didn't think you could be so heartless," asserted Mrs. Tucker. "One has only to look at poor Ralph--"

"Don't, don't!" cried Murray. "On what terms will you quit this?"

"Oh, if you want to get down to business," put in Tucker, "I'd like to begin delivering this company to Frances. You know I said I was going to do it. I don't care for policies, but I might take some stock."

"You said you had no money."

"No premium money," corrected Tucker. "I invested that in the ranch, but I was notified this morning of a legacy from a bachelor uncle that will give me some ready cash."

"The stock of this company gets on the market very seldom," explained Murray. "I have a little myself, but I don't care to part with it."

"Oh, very well," replied Tucker in careless tones; "it's quite immaterial to us for the moment. In fact, I'd be in no hurry about it at all if I only had a longer time to live."

"Poor Ralph!" sighed Mrs. Tucker, as they departed.

When they had gone, Murray rang for his office-boy.

"You tell Mr. Ross," he said to the boy, "to keep out of my way for a few days. I'm not in a mental condition to stand the sight of the man who loaded this trouble on me."

For the next three days Murray saw as little of his office as he possibly could, fearing another call from Mr. and Mrs. Tucker. Then he learned that they had left again for the West, and he breathed more freely. But, shortly thereafter, a stock-broker called upon him.

"I am commissioned," said the broker, "to buy some stock in your company, and I thought possibly you might know of some that is for sale."

"I do not," replied Murray. "As you know, it is not a speculative stock, but is held, for the most part, by conservative investors. A little gets on the market occasionally, when some estate is being settled or some holder becomes financially embarrassed, but that is about your only chance."

"So my client informed me," said the broker, "but he also informed me that he was sure he could get some himself, and he wished me to use every effort to add to his prospective holdings."

"Mr. Tucker, your client, tried to buy some from me before he left for the West," said Murray, for he had no doubt as to the identity of the man who wanted the stock.

"Indeed!" returned the broker. "I didn't know that. He explained his anxiety for prompt action by the rather extraordinary statement that he wished to get the stock before somebody foreclosed on his life!"

"By thunder!" cried Murray, "somebody _will_ foreclose on his life, and take the Limited west to do it, if he keeps this thing up!"

In some amazement, the broker apologized and retired, and Murray began to wonder what would happen to him if Mrs. Tucker ever did get enough of the stock to make her influence felt. Of course, there was little chance of that, but even a small stock-holder could be annoying when so disposed. He began to dream about the Tucker case, and an incidental mention of it in the office would make the atmosphere unpleasant for the day. Every clerk and solicitor understood that it was a dangerous topic. Once the name "Tucker" was mentioned in the ordinary course of business, and Murray had things at a fever heat before it could be explained to him that it was another Tucker. Then came a letter from the West, with a Tucker return card on the envelop. A council of war was held before it was delivered to Murray, and even then a time was chosen when he was absent to lay it on his desk. It was very brief--just an announcement that "the patient" had rallied splendidly after the fatigue of the journey and exhibited "really wonderful vitality for a sick man." No one cared to go near Murray all the rest of that day.

Soon after the first of the following month another missive arrived--a mere formal affidavit, headed "Certificate of Life," and solemnly averring that "Ralph Tucker's heart has not ceased to murmur along in the land of the living." This was followed a month later by a certificate from a physician to the effect that "a restful ranch life is especially conducive to longevity, and Mr. Tucker's health continues to show all the improvement that can be expected in a man who had nothing the matter with him in the first place."

These facetious reports continued to arrive at monthly intervals for a period of nearly a year. Usually they were brief, but occasionally the doctor, who seemed to enter into the spirit of the affair, would go into such details as weight, endurance, appetite, lifting power, respiration and--heart murmur. "The heart," he wrote at one time, "seems to be too well satisfied to murmur now, and the patient was able to sit up and eat a large steak to-day, after which a little gentle exercise--about twenty miles on horseback--seemed to do him some good."

Murray promptly turned this over to the company doctor, and the latter sighed. Almost the only satisfaction in life that Murray had during this time arose from his ability to make the doctor miserable.

"He was not a good risk when I examined him," the doctor insisted, "but he may be a good one now. We can't be certain of results in such a case, and the law of probabilities frequently works out wrong. He could not have done a better thing, under the circumstances, than to go in for a simple, outdoor life. The basis of trouble was there, in my judgment, but it may have been overcome."

"The basis of trouble is still there," declared Murray; "not only the basis of trouble, but the whole blame structure, and it's resting on us. I can feel the weight."

"So can I," replied the doctor disconsolately.

Less than a week after this Tucker telegraphed to know if Murray had changed his mind about disposing of any stock.

"No," was the reply sent back.

"All right," Tucker answered. "I just wanted to give Mrs. Tucker another slice of your company. She has a little of it already."

Investigation showed that the broker had succeeded in picking up a few shares, but hardly enough to exert any considerable influence. Still, it was disquieting to find the Tuckers so persistent.

"I'll bet," said Murray, "that mental worry has put me where you wouldn't pass me for a risk."

"If your wife," returned the doctor, "is anything like Mrs. Tucker I'd pass you for any kind of risk rather than incur her displeasure. They'll begin to take a stock-holder's interest in the affairs of this particular office pretty soon."

"The affairs are in good shape," declared Murray.

"But a real determined stock-holder can stir up a devil of a rumpus over nothing," asserted the doctor. "If she should send all those physicians' reports to headquarters, they would rather offset my report on which he was turned down, and the company would feel that it had lost a good thing. The company will not stop to think that my report may have been justified by conditions at the time."

"And the risk that I thought too big for him then may not seem too big for him now," commented Murray ruefully.

"I'd like to examine him again," said the doctor.

"I don't think it would be safe," returned Murray, "unless you were searched for weapons first."

So the doctor and Murray settled down to await, with some anxiety, the next move in the game, and their patience was rewarded by the receipt of five certificates of health from as many different physicians, each certificate having a message of some sort scribbled across the top. "The patient had to ride a hundred miles to get these," Mrs. Tucker had written on the first. "There were a few shares of this stock in my late lamented uncle's estate," appeared in Tucker's handwriting on the second. "The president of your company is rusticating a few miles from here," Mrs. Tucker asserted on the third. "Better come out here for a few days," Tucker urged on the fourth. "Poor Ralph!" was Mrs. Tucker's comment on the fifth.

"Poor Dave Murray!" grumbled Murray, and he and the doctor started West the next day. "Might as well get this thing settled," he said. "You and I have got to be on harmonious terms with the stock-holders. Besides, there's an early grave yawning for me if I don't succeed in making peace with Mrs. Tucker. I tell you, Doctor, when a woman decides to make things uncomfortable for a man,--well, the man might just as well resign himself to being perpetually uncomfortable."

And yet, no one could have greeted them more graciously than did Mrs. Tucker.

"I'm so glad you've come," she said, "and brought the doctor. It is particularly pleasing to have the doctor here, for I want him to see if something can't be done for poor Ralph. I'm sure I don't know what's going to become of the poor fellow. He doesn't sleep any better than a baby, and he can't ride over a hundred miles without getting tired. His muscles aren't a bit harder than iron, either, and his heart beats all the time."

"Mrs. Tucker," said Murray appealingly, "what can we do to make peace with you?"

"Without even seeing your husband again," added the doctor, "I am willing to concede that he will live to be three thousand years old."

"We are beaten," asserted Murray. "You have humbled our business and professional pride. We give Mr. Tucker none of the credit; it all belongs to you. We claim to be the equals of any man, but of no woman. Now, on what terms can we have peace?"

"I did want your insurance company for a sort of belated wedding present," said Mrs. Tucker thoughtfully.

"I'd give it to you if I could," said Murray with the utmost sincerity. "I assure you, that company has been nothing but an annoyance to me ever since you cast longing eyes on the stock."

"Oh, I've become more modest in my expectations," replied Mrs. Tucker cheerfully. "I don't expect much more than we've got now."

"How much have you got?" asked Murray.

"Well, our broker picked up a few shares, and there were some more in the estate of Ralph's uncle, and the president of the company kindly arranged it so that we could get a little more. Such a delightful man he is, too! It was when I heard he had a place in this vicinity, where he came for an outing every year, that I insisted upon Ralph's buying this ranch. I thought it would be nice to be near him--and it was. We're great friends now, although he's only here for a little while in the spring and fall."

"Did--did you tell him about the insurance?" asked Murray.

"What insurance?" asked Mrs. Tucker blandly. "We haven't any insurance. Poor Ralph--"

"Mrs. Tucker," interrupted Murray, "if you say 'Poor Ralph' again, you will see a driveling idiot making streaks across the prairie. I have reached the limit of endurance. All I want is peace, peace, peace, and I'll pay the price for it. Do you want some of my stock?"

"Oh, dear, no," she replied. "We've got it fixed now so that Ralph is pretty sure to be a director next year. We talked it over with the president."

"Does Mr. Tucker still want a policy?" asked Murray.

"Certainly not," said Mrs. Tucker. "If he's going to die so soon, it would be beating the company, and we're part of the company now, so we--"

"Stop it! stop it!" pleaded Murray. "I'll bet you couldn't kill him with an ax!"

"Sir!"

"I beg your pardon, but this is the climax of a year of torment that I didn't suppose was possible this side of the infernal regions," explained Murray dismally, "and I'm just naturally wondering why you brought me out here."

"Oh, I didn't tell you that, did I?" returned Mrs. Tucker ingenuously. "I just wanted to tell you that, now that we're stock-holders to a reasonable amount--Ralph retained a few shares, you know, and holds a proxy for mine--we look at the matter from an entirely different viewpoint, and we think that every reasonable precaution should be taken to avoid poor risks, as you call them. We are highly gratified by the evidence of caution that has inadvertently come under our notice, even if there was an incidental error that baffled human foresight."

The sudden and startling changes of position by this young woman were too much for both Murray and the doctor; they could only look at her in amazement as she calmly commended their course.

"You have brought us all this distance to tell us that!" ejaculated Murray at last.

"Yes."

"Well, it's worth the trip!" he announced, as he recalled the events of the last year.

Then Tucker appeared, big, strong, bronzed, hearty, and shook hands with them. Never a weakling in appearance, his year of outdoor life had made him the embodiment of health. He beamed upon his guests with hearty good nature as he gave them each a grip that made them wince. His wife regarded him critically for a moment.

"Poor Ralph!" she said mischievously, and then she hastily assured them that this was really the last of the joke.

AN INCIDENTAL FAILURE

Adolph Schlimmer's wink was of the self-satisfied variety that plainly says to the person at whom it is directed, "They're mostly fools in this world--except you and me, and I'm not quite sure about you." Adolph Schlimmer was a small man, but he thought he had enough worldly wisdom and sharpness for a giant. "You bet you, I don't get fooled very much," he boasted.

Just now his wink was directed at Carroll Brown, an insurance solicitor.

"How much iss there in it for you?" he asked.

"Oh, I get my commission, of course," replied Brown.

"Sure, sure,"--and again Adolph winked. "You don't need it all, maybe."

"Why not?" asked Brown with disconcerting frankness. "I'm entitled to what I earn."

"Sure, sure," admitted Adolph, somewhat annoyed. "It's vorth something to you to make the money, ain't it, yes? I gif you the chance. It might be vorth something to me, perhaps, maybe."

"Oh, if you want me to divide my commission with you," exclaimed Brown, "we might as well quit talking right here. It would cost me my job, if anybody found it out."

"Who iss to find it out? I bet you, if people could find out things, we'd haf more people in jail than out. Some big men, vorth millions, would haf to live a century to serf their time out. The boss discharges hiss clerk for doin' what he iss doin' himself."

"It's against the law," argued Brown. "It's a rebate on premiums and is prohibited."

"Sure, sure," conceded Adolph again. "But you got to do something to make business, ain't it? I gif premiums and I get discounts. There don't nobody fool me very much."

"Well, I'm taking no chances with either my job or the law," announced Brown, "even if I wanted to sacrifice part of my legitimate commission. I'm offering you a policy in a first-class company on the same terms that we give them to all others, and that's the best I can do. If you're looking for an advantage over your neighbors, you'll have to go elsewhere. The very first rule of straight business is to treat all alike."

"Sure it iss," returned Adolph. "Look at the railroads and the big shippers." Again he winked wisely. "I bet you, your boss ain't such a fool as you. Make the big money when you can, but don't run avay from the little money. I gif you a chance for the little money because I'm smart; some other feller let you haf it all because he issn't."

Therein lay the measure of Adolph. It was beyond his comprehension that any man should treat all fairly: some one surely was "on the inside," and his first thought in any transaction was to make a quiet "deal" with some interested party that would give him a trifling advantage over others. He was shrewd in a small and near-sighted way, and he had an idea that all men, except fools, looked at things as he did. He believed there was "graft" in everything. That being the case, it was the duty of a sharp man to get a share of it, even if, as in this instance, it only lessened his own expense somewhat. So Adolph Schlimmer went to see Brown's boss, who happened to be Dave Murray.

"I get me some insurance," he announced.

"All right," returned Murray agreeably. "You look like a good risk."

"Risk?" repeated Adolph. "No, _nein_. I'm a sure thing."

Murray laughed.

"That's bad," he said banteringly. "Sure things are what men go broke on in this world; they're the biggest risks of all." Then, explanatorily: "I mean you seem to be in good physical condition, so that our physician is likely to pass you."

"You bet you," returned Adolph, "but it's my vife what counts. If I die, I leaf her the money; if she die, she leaf me nothing."

"Oh, you want to get a policy on your wife's life," said Murray thoughtfully, not favorably impressed with the other's commercial tone. "How much?"

"_Zwei_ t'ousand dollars."

"Not very much," commented Murray. "A man of sense would prefer a good wife to two thousand dollars any day. Is she a worker?"

"You bet you, yes," replied Adolph earnestly. "If she die, I looss money on her at that price. I figger it all out. She safe me the wages uf a clerk and a cook and some other things. I count up what she safe me and what she cost me and she's vorth fifteen dollars a week easy in work and ten dollars a week in saving. I can't afford to looss that. I insure the store and the stock, and now I insure this. I watch out for myself pretty close."

Murray was both disgusted and amused. Such a character as this was new to his experience, but the risk might be, and probably was, a perfectly good and legitimate one.

"Well, you bring your wife in," he said after a moment of thought, "and I'll talk to her."

"Sure," said Adolph. Then he winked in his wise way. "I safe you the commission. What iss there in it for me?"

"What?" exclaimed Murray.

"I haf a talk with Brown," explained Adolph. "It's vorth something to him to get the business, but he don't make it vorth nothing to me to give it."

"If he did we'd discharge him."

"Sure, sure," returned the imperturbable Adolph. "We got to watch the boys or there won't be nothing left for us. So I safe the commission for you. What iss there in it for me?"

"Not a damn thing!"

"You play it that way with the fool," advised Adolph complacently. "It's a bully bluff for the feller that don't know how things was done in business. Then we go splits, yes?"

The ignorance and effrontery of the man so amazed Murray that he forgot his indignation for a moment and undertook to explain.

"There is no commission on business that comes to the office," he said.

"Sure!" laughed Adolph, again resorting to that sagacious wink. "You let the company make it, yes? I stay home, you send man to tell me get insured, I say yes, man get paid--ain't it so? I come here to get insured, and you give that man's pay to the company, the men vorth millions--oh, yes, sure!" Adolph laughed at the absurdity of the thing. "Iss there anything in my eye?" he asked suddenly.

"You sit down there!" ordered Murray, for Adolph was now leaning familiarly over Murray's desk. "I ought to kick you out, but I'm going to tell you a few things. Sit down and keep still. I'm several sizes bigger than you are and it's my turn." Murray spoke so aggressively that Adolph promptly returned to his seat. "Now, to begin with, you make a mistake in judging everybody else by yourself; there are a lot of decent people in this world. A good many may worship the almighty dollar, and that's bad enough, but God help the few who get down to worshiping the almighty cent. A good many keep a lookout for graft, but you are the first one I ever saw who seemed to think everybody was crooked."

"No, _nein_; only business--"

"Keep still! You insult everybody you try to do business with by acting on the assumption that he is in your class. You have absorbed some of the tricky commercialism that is prevalent these days, and you've got the idea that there isn't anything else--not even common sense. You would break the law for a trifle. What you propose is morally wrong, but we won't discuss that, because you can't understand it."

"I don't like--"

"Keep still! I'm doing you a favor, but I've got to tell you first what a libel you are on the average human being. The law that you want to break was made for the protection of just such financially insignificant people as you. It prohibits giving rebates in any form on insurance premiums and provides that the acceptance of such a rebate by the policy-holder shall invalidate his policy, and that the giving of such a rebate by a company or any of its agents shall subject the company to a fine. Do you understand?"

"Sure; but who iss to know?"

Murray was discouraged, but he had set out to drive a lesson home to this dull-witted fellow who thought he was smart, and he valiantly held to his task. He could feel nothing but contempt for the man, but he had become rather interested in convincing him how foolish he was. Besides, Murray was a bitter opponent of the rebate evil in all lines of business--every one knows how it fosters monopoly--and he attacked it whenever and wherever he could.

"If rebates on insurance premiums were not unlawful," he asked, "do you think people of your kind are the ones who would get them? Well, hardly. The millionaires, the rich men, the men who take out the big policies, would get them, and you little fellows would pay the full price, just as you do wherever else the rebate evil exists. This law was made to protect you, and you want to break it down. Well, I suppose there are others just as bad. The men for whose benefit a law is made frequently insist upon playing with it until they drop it and break it, and then they wonder why the splinters won't do them as much good as the original law." Having warmed up to a subject that interested him, Murray was talking for himself now. Adolph could understand in a general way what he meant, but many of the remarks were entirely beyond his comprehension. "Look at it in another way," Murray went on. "As a speculation, the insurance rebate is a mistake. The man who gets or accepts a rebate is taking a risk. 'Well,' he argues, 'so is the man who buys wheat or stocks or undeveloped real estate of problematical future value.' Quite right; but when you speculate you want to be sure that your probable or possible profits bear a fair proportion to the risk and your possible losses. It's all right to make a secured loan of one thousand dollars at five per cent., but when you put your thousand into a scheme where there is a chance of losing every cent of it, you also want a chance of making a good deal more than the legal rate of interest. Russell Sage is said to look as closely after the small profits as the large, but Russell would shy away from an investment--a real safe _investment_--that promised only a ten cent profit on five dollars; and if it were a _speculation_, where he might lose the whole five, he would want to see a possibility of winning at least half as much. The man who accepts an insurance premium rebate is going into a speculation--a flimsy, cheap speculation, with a chance of loss so entirely out of proportion to the slight advantage he gains over other policy-holders that no man with a grain of sense would consider it for a moment. To secure a discount on his premium he risks his whole policy. Why, in your case you would put a two-thousand-dollar policy in danger to save a few miserable dollars. It isn't cleverness, it isn't shrewdness, it isn't business, it isn't sense; it isn't anything but damn foolishness. Do you understand?"

"Sure," answered Adolph. "If we iss found out, I looss the policy and you looss a fine. We both looss."

"That's it exactly."

"Vell, if we both looss by telling, who iss going to find it out?" demanded Adolph triumphantly. "You bet you, I take the chance. Go ahead with her."

Murray leaned wearily back in his chair.

"You'd better get out of here," he said. "This company wouldn't issue a policy in which you had any sort of interest on any terms. I was curious to discover if I could not stir up just a glimmer of business sense in you, and my curiosity is satisfied. You seem to me like a man who would risk all his money to win a fly-speck, if he thought he was going to win it by some underhand deal. Get out as quick as you can! But I tell you again, don't fool with rebates!"

Adolph stopped in the doorway.

"You got to haf the whole commission, yes?" he remarked with accusing bitterness. "I take you for a hog."

Then he disappeared very suddenly, for he feared Murray would pursue.

Here again was the measure of Adolph. In spite of Murray's explanation, he could see nothing except a chance to win by saving a part of the commission. He could not comprehend that he was running any unusual risk or doing anything that another would not do, if the other had the sense to see the chance. In fact, he was fully convinced in his own mind that Murray was merely talking for effect and really desired the whole commission for himself. This made him the more determined to gain this small advantage for himself--partly because his little business world was made up of such devious methods, and partly because it would be an evidence of his own cleverness.

Now, occasionally a solicitor for a company of high standing, acting on his own responsibility, will divide his commission in order to get some one to take out a policy. If he is trying to make a record, the temptation is considerable. If the policy is large, his half of this commission may be more than his whole commission in most other cases. He does this secretly, but he is inviting three kinds of trouble: his own discharge, a fine for his company, and a loss for the policy-holder. These three things will follow discovery, but he takes the chance. And there are irresponsible or unscrupulous companies or agencies (so it is said) that will tacitly approve such a course in some instances, taking the necessary risk in order to get business. Of course, no first-class or reliable company will sanction or even tolerate such methods.

Nevertheless, Adolph, the shrewd fool, finally found the man for whom he was searching. A man may nearly always find trouble if he searches for it industriously, and Adolph was industrious. Unfortunately for him, however, he treated several other solicitors to his knowing wink before he met the one who agreed to his proposition, and, when it was learned that Adolph was taking out a policy on his wife's life, they were quick to reach conclusions. But it was none of their business, and they said nothing. What they knew merely made it easier to prove the case, if the question should ever arise. The solicitor who finally entered into the deal was one who had done the same thing before. He was "broke" a good part of the time, and, when in that condition, he did not question closely the ethics of any proposition that promised an early, even though small, cash return. He was an outcast among such of the many conscientious men of the fraternity as knew him, but the local agent of the company that employed him was not particular, and there were rumors that the company itself might have been more strict.

Anyhow, Adolph got the policy he wanted. His wife was disposed to object at first, for she had not been consulted until Adolph had made his bargain. There was no use, he argued, in telling her about it until he knew what he was going to do.

"I buy you a policy," he finally told her in the tone that a man--another man--might tell his wife he would buy her a sealskin coat.

"What's that?" she asked.

"It pays _zwei_ t'ousand dollars," he explained.

Mrs. Schlimmer was not enthusiastic.

"When?" she asked.

"When you are in the grafe," he answered after a pause.

"What's the use to me?" she persisted.

"My dear," he said, with such gallantry as he could command, "it shows what you iss vorth."

Somehow, she was not flattered. She was a good wife, who worked hard, and she herself thought she was worth it, but she was selfish enough to think she ought to realize on her own value.

"No, _nein_," he argued, "it ain't the vay it's done. You got yourself, ain't it, yes? When you ain't got yourself, you ain't here, but I am. You don't looss yourself when you die, but I looss you, and you're vorth a lot."

"There's other women," she retorted.

"But they ain't vorth what you are by _zwei_ t'ousand dollars," he insisted, and this delicate bit of flattery won the day. After all, it made no difference to her. She rebelled a little at going to the insurance office to be examined, however.

"You tell 'em I'm all right," she urged. "You know."

But a new gown--a cheap one--gained this point, and she went.

Adolph prided himself very much on this stroke of business. His great aim in life was to pay a little less than the market price for everything, and he was never convinced that he was really doing this unless the deal had to be carried out in some underhand way. When he could buy for less than others he was making so much more money, and it was his experience that the biggest profit lay in shady transactions. In others he had made, or saved, much more than in this, but the difficulties he encountered in this instance convinced him that it was an especially notable achievement. He was proud of his success.

"You bet you, they don't fool me very much," he asserted frequently.

And, in time, he told how clever he was. Not at first, however; he was very cautious at first, for Murray's words had made an impression on him. But, after he had paid a few premiums, the lapse of time gave him a feeling of security, and one day, in boasting of his business shrewdness, he mentioned that he was even sharp enough to get life insurance at a bargain. After that, it was easier to speak of it again, and he finally told the story. The news spread in his own little circle. It was quite a feat, and he was held to have demonstrated remarkable cleverness. When another told of some sharp business deal, some one would remark, "Yes, that was clever, but you never got life insurance at a bargain." And, in the course of time--six months or more from the time the story was first breathed--it came to the ears of one Daniel Grady. This was unfortunate, for Daniel at once jumped to the conclusion that he had been cheated. Daniel had a small policy in the same company, and this policy was costing him the full premium without rebate of any kind from any insurance solicitor or anybody else. Daniel did not like this, and neither did he like Adolph; in fact, he would have been willing to pay a little higher premium for the privilege of making trouble for Adolph. Failing that, Daniel would like to get on even terms with him.

"It's th' divil iv a note," said Daniel, "that I sh'u'd be payin' more than that little shrimp, an' me only thryin' to take care iv Maggie an' th' childhern. I'll go down to th' office an' push th' face iv th' man in if he don't give me th' same rate, I will so."

But Daniel wisely did nothing of the kind, for he recalled that there were a number of clerks in the office and a police station not far away, and he had no wish to add a fine to his expenses. Instead, after pondering the matter a few weeks and growing steadily more indignant, he went to see a little lawyer who had an office over a saloon, next to a justice of the peace. Daniel planned only to get his premiums reduced, but the lawyer saw other opportunities.

"It's a great chance," said the lawyer. "You're a policy-holder--"

"Who says so?" demanded Daniel, for this sounded to him like an accusation.

"I mean," explained the lawyer, "that you are insured in the company."

"What iv it?" asked Daniel.

"Why, the other policy-holders are the ones discriminated against in a case like this," said the lawyer, "and any one of them can file a complaint."

"I'm not the kind iv a man to do much complainin'," declared Daniel. "I niver see that it did much good. If I c'u'd give Schlimmer a bad turn--"

"That's it; that's it exactly. You can knock his insurance sky-high and get some money yourself."

"Say that wanst more," urged Daniel. "Me hearin' seems to be playin' thricks."

"The law," said the lawyer slowly, "fines a company for doing that--"

"How much?"

"I'll have to look it up. Pretty stiff fine, though, and the informer--"

"I don't like th' word."

"Well, the man who makes the complaint gets half the fine. Do you understand that? Let me take charge of the matter for you, and we'll divide the money."

"Will it hurt me own insurance?" asked Daniel.

"Not a bit."

"I'm not lukkin' to l'ave Maggie an' th' childhern without money whin I die, jist to land a dollar-twinty f'r me own pocket now. That's a Schlimmer thrick."

"Your insurance will be just as good as it ever was," the lawyer asserted.

"Will there be twinty dollars in it f'r me?" Daniel persisted.

"There'll be a good deal more than that--exactly how much I can't say."

"Go ahead," instructed Daniel. "Put the little divil through."

The lawyer investigated and found his task comparatively easy, for Adolph had now personally told the story to several people. Indeed, by the exercise of a little ingenuity, the lawyer got him to tell it to him. Then he acted.

When the news reached the local agency of the company there was no indecision as to what should be done. Unnecessary publicity in a matter of that kind was the very last thing sought. The solicitor was called in, put on the rack, and promptly confessed. Then he was discharged without further questioning. Perhaps the local agent was afraid he might learn of other similar instances if he pressed the matter too far, and he was quite content to remain in ignorance of anything else of that nature, so long as the public also remained in ignorance. The company promptly acknowledged its fault, showed that it had cleared itself morally by discharging the offending agent, and proceeded to clear itself legally by paying the necessary fine.

When the news came to Adolph, however, there was wailing prolonged, for his policy was annulled.

"I bet you," said Adolph, "that feller Murray put up the job. He iss a great hog; he iss like those mono_pol_ists that puts smaller people out of business and gobbles it all."

Then Adolph got a pencil and a sheet of paper and began to figure his losses.

"_Zwei_ t'ousand dollar insurance," he groaned, "and maybe she wouldn't lif long. And I gif her a dress, too--a new dress. _Ach, Himmel!_ it's hard when a man's vife beats him. A new dress for nothing at all but to looss money. That law iss a shame. It iss a--what you call it?--restriction of business."

Thereafter, for some time, the sight of the new gown would make Adolph morose and gloomy, and his friends found him unusually modest and unobtrusive.

AN INCIDENTAL SCHEME

There came to Dave Murray one day a young man who was looking for a job. He was a bright young fellow and seemed to be very earnest.

"I have been a clerk," he explained, "but there is little prospect for the future where I am now, and I want to get something that has some promise in it. In fact, I must do so. I am making barely enough to support my mother and myself, and I may want to marry, you know."

Murray readily admitted that young men frequently were attacked by the matrimonial bacillus and that, there being no sure antidote, the disease had to run its course. "Which is a good thing for the world," he added, "so you are quite right to prepare yourself for the attack. But are you sure that insurance is your field?"

"I have given the subject a good deal of thought," was the reply, "and insurance interests me."

"That's a good sign," commented Murray. "Success is for the man who is interested in his work, and not merely in the financial results of that work."

"Oh, I want to make money, too," said the young man frankly.

"We all do," returned Murray, "but the man who has no other aim than that would better stick to business and let the professions alone. Life insurance has become a profession, like banking. Time was when anybody with money could be a banker, but now it is conceded to require special gifts and a special training. I place life insurance right up in the front rank of the professions, for it is semi-philanthropic. We are not in it for our health, of course, but, if we are conscientious and earnest, we may reasonably flatter ourselves that we are doing a vast amount of good in line with our work. The life insurance solicitor has been the butt of many jokes. Perhaps he himself has been responsible for this, but times have changed and so have methods. If I ever caught one of my men slipping into an office with an apologetic air, like a second-rate book-canvasser, I'd discharge him on the spot. The insurance solicitor of to-day wants to consider himself a business man with a business proposition to make; he must have self-respect and show it. The best men plan their work carefully, do not attempt to hurry matters, and usually meet those that they expect to interest in their proposition by appointment, instead of trying to force the thing upon them by pure nerve. When a fellow becomes a nuisance he is hurting himself, his company and all others in his line. Do you still think insurance the line for you?"

"I can begin," said the young man, by way of reply, "with an application from my present employer. I've been talking insurance to him for practice, and he has agreed to take out a policy. He's a pretty good fellow. He says I'm worth more than he can afford to pay me and he wants to help me along."

"I guess you're all right," laughed Murray. "At any rate, you impress me as being the kind of man I want. Leave your references and come in again tomorrow."

Murray was unusually particular as to the character of the men he employed. It was not enough for him that a man could get business, but he had his own ideas as to the way business should be secured. Absolute integrity and the most painstaking care to state a proposition fairly, without exaggeration, were points upon which he insisted.

"A dissatisfied policy-holder," he said, "is a dead weight to carry; a satisfied policy-holder is an advertisement. If a man finds he is getting a little more than he expected, he is so much better pleased; if he finds he is getting a little less, he feels he has been tricked. Insurance is a good enough proposition, so that you don't have to gild it."

Murray himself, in his younger days, had once secured an application for a large policy by refusing to expatiate on the merits of the particular form of insurance he was advocating.

"Well, let's hear what a beautiful thing it is," the man had said.