Chapter XXVI: Part II (8)

He asks me questions sooch as dese:
Who baints mine nose so red?
Who vas it cuts dot schmoodth blace oudt
Vrom der hair ubon mine hed?
Und vere dere plaze goes vrom her lamp
Vene'er der glim I douse.
How gan I all dose dings eggsblain
To dot schmall Yawcob Strauss?

I somedimes dink I schall go vild
Mit sooch a grazy poy,
Und vish vonce more I gould haf rest,
Und beaceful dimes enshoy;
But ven he vas aschleep in ped
So guiet as a mouse,
I prays der Lord, "Dake anyding,
But leaf dot Yawcob Strauss."

_Charles Follen Adams._

A PARENTAL ODE TO MY SON, AGED THREE YEARS AND FIVE MONTHS

Thou happy, happy elf!
(But stop,--first let me kiss away that tear)--
Thou tiny image of myself!
(My love, he's poking peas into his ear!)
Thou merry, laughing sprite!
With spirits feather-light,
Untouched by sorrow, and unsoiled by sin--
(Good Heavens! the child is swallowing a pin!)

Thou little tricksy Puck! With antic toys so funnily bestuck, Light as the singing bird that wings the air-- (The door! the door! he'll tumble down the stair!) Thou darling of thy sire! (Why, Jane, he'll set his pinafore afire!) Thou imp of mirth and joy! In love's dear chain, so strong and bright a link, Thou idol of thy parents--(Drat the boy! There goes my ink!)

Thou cherub--but of earth;
Fit playfellow for Fays, by moonlight pale,
In harmless sport and mirth,
(That dog will bite him if he pulls its tail!)
Thou human humming-bee, extracting honey
From every blossom in the world that blows,
Singing in youth's elysium ever sunny,
(Another tumble!--that's his precious nose!)

Thy father's pride and hope!
(He'll break the mirror with that skipping-rope!)
With pure heart newly stamped from Nature's mint--
(Where _did_ he learn that squint?)
Thou young domestic dove!
(He'll have that jug off with another shove!)
Dear nursling of the Hymeneal nest!
(Are those torn clothes his best?)
Little epitome of man!
(He'll climb upon the table, that's his plan!)
Touched with the beauteous tints of dawning life
(He's got a knife!)

Thou enviable being! No storms, no clouds, in thy blue sky foreseeing, Play on, play on, My elfin John! Toss the light ball--bestride the stick-- (I knew so many cakes would make him sick!) With fancies, buoyant as the thistle-down, Prompting the face grotesque, and antic brisk, With many a lamb-like frisk, (He's got the scissors, snipping at your gown!) Thou pretty opening rose! (Go to your mother, child, and wipe your nose!) Balmy and breathing music like the South, (He really brings my heart into my mouth!) Fresh as the morn, and brilliant as its star,-- (I wish that window had an iron bar!) Bold as the hawk, yet gentle as the dove,-- (I'll tell you what, my love, I cannot write unless he's sent above!)

_Thomas Hood._

LITTLE MAMMA

Why is it the children don't love me
As they do Mamma?
That they put her ever above me--
"Little Mamma?"
I'm sure I do all that I can do,
What more can a rather big man do,
Who can't be Mamma--
Little Mamma?

Any game that the tyrants suggest, "Logomachy,"--which I detest,-- Doll-babies, hop-scotch, or baseball, I'm always on hand at the call. When Noah and the others embark, I'm the elephant saved in the ark. I creep, and I climb, and I crawl-- By turns am the animals all. For the show on the stair I'm always the bear, Chimpanzee, camel, or kangaroo. It is never, "Mamma,-- _Little_ Mamma,-- Won't _you_?"

My umbrella's the pony, if any-- None ride on Mamma's parasol: I'm supposed to have always the penny For bonbons, and beggars, and all. My room is the one where they clatter-- Am I reading, or writing, what matter! My knee is the one for a trot, My foot is the stirrup for Dot. If his fractions get into a snarl Who straightens the tangles for Karl? Who bounds Massachusetts and Maine, And tries to bound flimsy old Spain? Why, It is _I_, Papa,-- Not Little Mamma!

That the youngsters are ingrates don't say. I think they love me--in a way-- As one does the old clock on the stair,-- Any curious, cumbrous affair That one's used to having about, And would feel rather lonely without. I think that they love me, I say, In a sort of a tolerant way; But it's plain that Papa Isn't Little Mamma.

Thus when twilight comes stealing anear, When things in the firelight look queer; And shadows the playroom enwrap, They never climb into my lap And toy with _my_ head, smooth and bare, As they do with Mamma's shining hair; Nor feel round my throat and my chin For dimples to put fingers in; Nor lock my neck in a loving vise, And say they're "mousies"--that's mice-- And will nibble my ears, Will nibble and bite With their little mice-teeth, so sharp and so white, If I do not kiss them this very minute-- Don't-wait-a-bit-but-at-once-begin-it-- Dear little Papa! That's what they say and do to Mamma.

If, mildly hinting, I quietly say that Kissing's a game that more can play at, They turn up at once those innocent eyes, And I suddenly learn to my great surprise That my face has "prickles"-- My moustache tickles. If, storming their camp, I seize a pert shaver, And take as a right what was asked as a favor, It is, "Oh, Papa, How horrid you are-- You taste exactly like a cigar!"

But though the rebels protest and pout, And make a pretence of driving me out, I hold, after all, the main redoubt,-- Not by force of arms nor the force of will, But the power of love, which is mightier still. And very deep in their hearts, I know, Under the saucy and petulant "Oh," The doubtful "Yes," or the naughty "No," They love Papa.

And down in the heart that no one sees, Where I hold my feasts and my jubilees, I know that I would not abate one jot Of the love that is held by my little Dot Or my great big boy for their little Mamma, Though out in the cold it crowded Papa. I would not abate it the tiniest whit, And I am not jealous the least little bit; For I'll tell you a secret: Come, my dears, And I'll whisper it--right-into-your-ears-- I, too, love Mamma, Little Mamma!

_Charles Henry Webb._

THE COMICAL GIRL

There was a child, as I have been told, Who when she was young didn't look very old. Another thing, too, some people have said, At the top of her body there grew out a head; And what perhaps might make some people stare Her little bald pate was all covered with hair. Another strange thing which made gossipers talk, Was that she often attempted to walk. And then, do you know, she occasioned much fun By moving so fast as sometimes to run. Nay, indeed, I have heard that some people say She often would smile and often would play. And what is a fact, though it seems very odd, She had monstrous dislike to the feel of a rod. This strange little child sometimes hungry would be And then she delighted her victuals to see. Even drink she would swallow, and though strange it appears Whenever she listened it was with her ears. With her eyes she could see, and strange to relate Her peepers were placed in front of her pate. There, too, was her mouth and also her nose, And on her two feet were placed her ten toes. Her teeth, I've been told, were fixed in her gums, And beside having fingers she also had thumbs. A droll child she therefore most surely must be, For not being blind she was able to see. One circumstance more had slipped from my mind Which is when not cross she always was kind. And, strangest of any that yet I have said, She every night went to sleep on her bed. And, what may occasion you no small surprise, When napping, she always shut close up her eyes.

_M. Pelham._

BUNCHES OF GRAPES

"Bunches of grapes," says Timothy,
"Pomegrantes pink," says Elaine;
"A junket of cream and a cranberry tart
For me," says Jane.

"Love-in-a-mist," says Timothy,
"Primroses pale," says Elaine;
"A nosegay of pinks and mignonette
For me," says Jane.

"Chariots of gold," says Timothy,
"Silvery wings," says Elaine;
"A bumpety ride in a waggon of hay
For me," says Jane.

_Walter Ramal._

XVI

IMMORTAL STANZAS

THE PURPLE COW

I never saw a Purple Cow, I never hope to see one; But I can tell you, anyhow, I'd rather see than be one.

_Gelett Burgess._

THE YOUNG LADY OF NIGER

There was a young lady of Niger Who smiled as she rode on a Tiger; They came back from the ride With the lady inside, And the smile on the face of the Tiger.

_Unknown._

THE LAUGHING WILLOW

To see the Kaiser's epitaph Would make a weeping willow laugh.

_Oliver Herford._

SAID OPIE READ

Said Opie Read to E. P. Roe, "How do you like Gaboriau?" "I like him very much indeed!" Said E. P. Roe to Opie Read.

_Julian Street_ and _James Montgomery Flagg._

MANILA

Oh, dewy was the morning, upon the first of May, And Dewey was the admiral, down in Manila Bay; And dewy were the Regent's eyes, them royal orbs of blue, And do we feel discouraged? We do not think we do!

_Eugene F. Ware._

ON THE ARISTOCRACY OF HARVARD

I come from good old Boston,
The home of the bean and the cod;
Where the Cabots speak only to Lowells,
And the Lowells speak only to God!

_Dr. Samuel G. Bushnell._

ON THE DEMOCRACY OF YALE

Here's to the town of New Haven,
The home of the truth and the light;
Where God speaks to Jones in the very same tones,
That he uses with Hadley and Dwight!

_Dean Jones._

THE HERRING

"The Herring he loves the merry moonlight And the Mackerel loves the wind, But the Oyster loves the dredging song For he comes of a gentler kind."

_Sir Walter Scott._

IF THE MAN

If the man who turnips cries, Cry not when his father dies, 'Tis a proof that he had rather Have a turnip than his father.

_Samuel Johnson._

THE KILKENNY CATS

There wanst was two cats of Kilkenny,
Each thought there was one cat too many,
So they quarrell'd and fit,
They scratch'd and they bit,
Till, barrin' their nails,
And the tips of their tails,
Instead of two cats, there warnt any.

_Unknown._

POOR DEAR GRANDPAPA

What is the matter with Grandpapa?
What can the matter be?
He's broken his leg in trying to spell
Tommy without a T.

_D'Arcy W. Thompson._

MORE WALKS

Whene'er I take my walks abroad,
How many rich I see;
There's A. and B. and C. and D.
All better off than me!

_Richard Harris Barham._

INDIFFERENCE

The cat is in the parlour,
The dog is in the lake;
The cow is in the hammock,--
What difference does it make?

MADAME SANS SOUCI

"Bon jour, Madame Sans Souci; Combien coûtent ces soucis ci?" "Six sous." "Six sous ces soucis ci! C'est trop cher, Madame Sans Souci!"

A RIDDLE

The man in the wilderness asked of me How many strawberries grew in the sea. I answered him as I thought good, As many as red herrings grow in the wood.

IF

If all the land were apple-pie,
And all the sea were ink;
And all the trees were bread and cheese,
What should we do for drink?

THE END

INDICES

INDEX OF AUTHORS

|page|
|Authors Unknown|
All's Well That Ends Well 264
Amazing Facts About Food 91
Ambiguous Lines 804
Any One Will Do 169
As To The Weather 107
Ballad of Bedlam, A 886
Ballad of High Endeavor, A 484
Bellagcholly Days 747
Bells, The 816
Cameronian Cat, The 917
Careful Penman, The 810
Catalectic Monody, A 833
Categorical Courtship 207
Chemist to His Love, A 206
Christmas Chimes 284
Clown's Courtship, The 217
Conjugal Conundrum, A 371
Cosmic Egg, The 771
Cosmopolitan Woman, A 167
Counsel to Those That Eat 932
Country Summer Pastoral, A 883
Cupid's Darts 67
Darwinian Ballad 913
Dirge 787
Father William 531
Fin de Siècle 357
Fragment, A 450
Future of the Classics, The 826
Gillian 511
Hom[oe]opathic Soup 76
Hyder Iddle 879
Idyll of Phatte and Leene, An 406
If 951
Imagiste Love Lines 383
Imaginative Crisis, The 451
Imitations of Walt Whitman 434
Indifference 950
Invitation to the Zoological Gardens, An 822
Israfiddlestrings 472
Justice to Scotland 384
Kilkenny Cats, The 950
Kindly Advice 890
King John and the Abbot 554
King Arthur 879
Learned Negro, The 274
Life 783
Lines 456
Lines by an Old Fogy 882
Lines to Miss Florence Huntingdon 830
Lines Written After a Battle 456
Little Star, The 476
Logic 809
Logical English 809
Lost Spectacles, The 287
Love's Moods and Tenses 812
Man of Words, A 790
Man's Place in Nature 89
Maudle-in-Ballad, A 510
Midsummer Madness 377
Minguillo's Kiss 122
Mme. Sans Souci 951
Modern Hiawatha, The 482
Mr. Finney's Turnip 847
My Dream 853
My Foe 529
Naughty Darkey Boy, The 927
Nirvana 900
North, East, South and West 403
Nursery Rhymes à la Mode 509
Nursery Song in Pidgin English 530
Ocean Wanderer, The 879
Ode to a Bobtailed Cat 736
Odv 788
On a Deaf Housekeeper 76
Origin of Ireland, The 106
Original Lamb, The 477
Panegyric on the Ladies 803
Questions with Answers 810
Rev. Gabe Tucker's Remarks 312
Riddle, A 951
Rural Raptures 450
Sainte Margérie 477
Siege of Belgrade, The 813
Similes 791
Song of the Springtide 527
Sonnet Found in a Deserted Mad House 851
Stanzas to Pale Ale 732
Strike Among the Poets, A 785
Susan Simpson 774
There was a Little Girl 926
Thingumbob, The 882
Three Children 843
Three Jovial Huntsmen 878
'Tis Midnight 843
'Tis Sweet to Roam 878
To an Importunate Host 534
To Be or Not To Be 891
Transcendentalism 92
Trust in Women 276
Two Fishers 188
Ultimate Joy, The 32
Unfortunate Miss-Bailey 702
Village Choir, The 528
Whango Tree, The 842
What is a Woman Like? 118
Whenceness of the Which 476
Whistler, The 133
Wonders of Nature 882
Wordsworthian Reminiscence 470
Young Lady of Niger, The 948
Young Lochinvar 381

|Adams, Charles Follen|
Leedle Yawcob Strauss 940

|Adams, Franklin P.|
Erring in Company 55
Popular Ballad: "Never Forget Your Parents" 394
To a Thesaurus 825
Translated Way 427

|Addison, Joseph|
Song 751
To a Capricious Friend 368

|Aldrich, Dr. Henry|
Reasons for Drinking 364

|Anstey, F.|
Select Passages from a Coming Poet 410

|Aristophanes|
Chorus of Women 126

|Ashby-Sterry, J.|
Kindness to Animals 891
Pet's Punishment 184

|Atwell, Roy|
Some Little Bug 77

|Aytoun, William E.|
Bitter Bit, The 451
Broken Pitcher, The 196
Comfort in Affliction 453
Husband's Petition, The 454
Lay of the Lover's Friend, The 88

|Aytoun, William E.|, _and_ |Martin|
Lay of the Love Lorn, The 537

|Bailey, Philip James|
Great Black Crow, The 908

|Ballard, Harlan Hoge|
In the Catacombs 52

|Bangs, John Kendrick|
"Mona Lisa" 95

|Barham, Richard Harris| [|Thomas Ingoldsby|]
Confession, The 443
Forlorn One, The 449
Jackdaw of Rheims, The 586
Knight and the Lady, The 590
Misadventures at Margate 558
More Walks 950

|Bayly, Thomas Haynes|
Why Don't the Men Propose? 130

|Bede, Cuthbert|
In Memoriam 463

|Beers, Henry A.|
Fish Story, A 916

|Bellaw, A. W.|
Conjugal Conjugations 810
Old Line Fence, The 760

|Belloc, Hilaire|
Frog, The 907
Llama, The 906
Microbe, The 907
Viper, The 906
Yak, The 906

|Bennett, John|
To Marie 852

|Birdseye, George|
Paradise 281

|Blake, Rodney|
Hoch! der Kaiser 291

|Blake, William|
Cupid 56
Little Vagabond, The 269

|Blanchard, Laman|
Art of Book-Keeping, The 818
False Love and True Logic 183
Ode to a Human Heart 784
Whatever is, is Right 786

|Bridges, Madeline|
Third Proposition, The 345

|Bridgman, L. J.|
On Knowing When to Stop 312

|Browne, Charles Farrar| [|Artemus Ward|]
Uncle Simon and Uncle Jim 849

|Brownell, Henry Howard|
Lawyer's Invocation to Spring, The 402

|Browning, Robert|
Pied Piper of Hamelin, The 603
Pope and the Net, The 286
Youth and Art 339

|Bunner, H. C.|
Behold the Deeds 397
Home Sweet Home with Variations 498
Shake, Mulleary and Go-Ethe 40
Way to Arcady, The 201

|Burdette, Robert J.|
Orphan Born 903
Romance of the Carpet, The 674
"Soldier, Rest!" 374
"Songs without Words" 413
What Will We Do? 311

|Burgess, Gelett|
Dighton is Engaged 647
Extracts from the Rubaiyat of Omar Cayenne 512
Invisible Bridge, The 855
Kitty Wants to Write 646
Lazy Roof, The 855
My Feet 855
Purple Cow, The 948
Villanelle of Things Amusing 73

|Burnand, F. C.|
Fisherman's Chant, The 81
Oh, My Geraldine 180
True to Poll 275

|Burns, Robert|
Address to the Toothache 724
Holy Willie's Prayer 272
John Barleycorn 730
Tam O'Shanter 623

|Bushnell, Dr. Samuel G.|
On the Aristocracy of Harvard 949

|Butler, Ellis Parker|
Secret Combination, The 209

|Butler, Samuel|
Hypocrisy 365
Religion of Hudibras, The 271
Smatterers 365

|Butler, William Allen|
Nothing to Wear 148

|Byron, John|
Three Black Crows 254
Which is Which 368

|Byron, Lord|
Written After Swimming from Sestos to Abydos 80

|Calverley, Charles Stuart|
Ballad 467
Cock and the Bull, The 464
Companions 63
Disaster 469
First Love 116
Lovers and a Reflection 372
Ode to Tobacco 732
Schoolmaster, The 64

|Cannan, Edward|
Unexpected Fact, An 844

|Canning, George|
Elderly Gentlemen, The 665
Knife-grinder, The 249
Song 84

|Carey, Henry|
Sally in Our Alley 182

|Carleton, Will|
New Church Organ, The 162

|Carroll, Lewis|
Father William 485
Humpty Dumpty's Recitation 872
Hunting of the Snark, The 676
Jabberwocky 869
Some Hallucinations 874
Walrus and the Carpenter, The 896
Ways and Means 870

|Carryl, Charles E.|
Post Captain, The 615
Robinson Crusoe's Story 617

|Carryl, Guy Wetmore|
Ballad, A 426
Girl was too Reckless of Grammar, A 395

|Cary, Phoebe|
Ballad of the Canal 492
"The Day is Done" 490
Jacob 491
John Thomson's Daughter 494
There's a Bower of Bean-vines 493
Reuben 493
When Lovely Woman 494
Wife, The 494

|Cayley, George John|
Epitaph, An 366

|Chambers, Robert W.|
Officer Brady 232
Recruit, The 230

|Chaucer, Geoffrey|
To My Empty Purse 58

|Cheney, John Vance|
Kitchen Clock, The 220

|Chesterfield, Lord|
On a Full-length Portrait of Beau Marsh 369

|Chesterton, G. K.|
Ballade of an Anti-Puritan, A 337
Ballade of Suicide, A 224

|Cholmondeley-Pennell, H.|
How the Daughters Come Down At Dunoon 533
Lay of the Deserted Influenzaed 746
Our Traveller 445

|Clarke, H. E.|
Lady Mine 221

|Clarke, Lewis Gaylord| Flamingo, The 894

|Claudius, Matthew|
Hen, The 892

|Cleveland|
On Scotland 369

|Clough, Arthur Hugh|
Latest Decalogue, The 261

|Coleridge, Samuel Taylor|
Cologne 363
Eternal Poem, An 364
Giles's Hope 363
House that Jack Built, The 407
Job 364
On a Bad Singer 364
Rhymester, A 363

|Collins, Mortimer|
Ad Chloen, M.A. 184
Chloe, M.A. 185
If 436
Martial in London 316
My Aunt's Spectre 600
Positivists, The 315
Salad 436
Sky-Making 314

|Cone, Helen Gray|
Ballad of Cassandra Brown, The 345

|Congreve, William|
Buxom Joan 179

|Cook, Rev. Joseph|
Boston Nursery Rhymes 324

|Corbet, Bishop|
Like to the Thundering Tone 848

|Cotton, Charles|
Joys of Marriage, The 344

|Cowley, Abraham|
Chronicle: A Ballad, The 176

|Cowper, William|
Colubriad, The 909
Diverting History of John Gilpin, The 564
Pairing-Time Anticipated 212
Report of an Adjudged Case 82
Retired Cat, The 910

|Crane, Stephen|
Man, The 248

|Croffut, William Augustus|
Dirge, A 737

|Cunningham, Allan|
John Grumlie 326

|Daniell, Edith|
Inspect Us 471

|Davison, Francis|
Are Women Fair? 189

|Day, Holman F.|
Grampy Sings a Song 670

|Deane, Anthony C.|
Here is the Tale 421
Imitation 375
Rural Bliss 97

|DeBurgh, H. J.|
Half Hours with the Classics 779

|Denison, J. P.|
Wing Tee Wee 139

|Dibdin, Charles|
Nongtongpaw 808

|Dillon, Viscount|
Donnybrook Jig, The 700

|Dobson, Austin|
Dialogue From Plato, A 142
Dora Versus Rose 144
Jocosa Lyra 824
Rondeau, The 782
Tu Quoque 146

|Dodge, H. C.|
If 268
Splendid Fellow, A 267

|Dodge, Mary Mapes|
Home and Mother 932
Life in Laconics 311
Over the Way 125
Zealless Xylographer, The 759

|Dole, Nathan Haskell|
Our Native Birds 53

|Donne, John|
Song 330

|Drummond, William Henry|
Wreck of the "Julie Plante" 662

|Dreyden, John|
Epitaph Intended for His Wife 368

|Edwards, John R.|
War: A-Z, The 829

|Emerson, Ralph Waldo|
Fable 290

|Fanshawe, Catherine M.|
Enigma on the Letter H 762
Imitation of Wordsworth, An 535

|Farrow, G. E.|
Converted Cannibals, The 683
Retired Pork-Butcher and the Spook, The 685

|Field, Eugene|
Dinkey Bird, The 929
Dutch Lullaby 928
Little Peach, The 931
Truth About Horace, The 50

|Fields, James Thomas|
Alarmed Skipper, The 664
Owl-Critic, The 309
Turtle and the Flamingo, The 923

|Fink, William W.|
Larrie O'Dee 165

|Flagg, James Montgomery| [_with_ |Julian Street|]
Said Opie Reed 948

|Foley, J. W.|
Nemesis 94
Scientific Proof 880

|Forrester, Alfred A.| [|Alfred Croquill|]
To My Nose 832

|Foss, Sam Walter|
Husband and Heather 160
Ideal Husband to His Wife, The 246
Meeting of the Clabberhuses, The 244
A Philosopher 242
Prayer of Cyrus Brown, The 54
Then Ag'in 357

|Gallienne, Richard Le|
Melton Mowbray Pork-Pie, A 472

|Gay, John|
New Song, A 754

|Gilbert, Paul T.|
Triolet 120

|Gilbert, W. S.|
Etiquette 256
Ferdinando and Elvira 635
Gentle Alice Brown 639
Mighty Must, The 376
Played-Out Humorist, The 25
Practical Joker, The 26
Sing for the Garish Eye 875
Sir Guy the Crusader 644
Story of Prince Agib, The 641
To Phoebe 28
To the Terrestrial Globe 256
Yarn of the "Nancy Bell" 632

|Gillinan, S. W.|
Finnigin to Flannigan 225

|Godley, A. D.|
After Horace 320
Pensées de Noël 336

|Goldsmith, Oliver|
Elegy, An 740
Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog, An 764
Parson Gray 741

|Googe, Barnaby|
Out of Sight, Out of Mind 807

|Graves, Alfred Perceval|
Father O'Flynn 719
Ould Doctor Macke 717

|Gray, Thomas|
On the Death of a Favorite Cat 557

|Greene, Albert Gorton|
Old Grimes 766

|Grissom, Arthur|
Ballade of Forgotten Loves 223

|Guiterman, Arthur|
Elegy 445
Legend of the First Cam-u-el, The 888
Mavrone 378
Mexican Serenade 902
Sketch from the Life, A 121
Strictly Germ Proof 87

|Halpine, Charles Graham|
Feminine Arithmetic 191

|Harrington, Sir John|
Of a Certain Man 282
Of a Precise Tailor 322

|Harte, Bret|
Ballad of the Emeu, The 921
"Jim" 652
Plain Language from Truthful James 648
Society Upon the Stanislaus, The 650
To the Pliocene Skull 46
Willows, The 423

|Hartswick, F. G.|
Somewhere-in-Europe-Wodky 482

|Hastings, Lady T.|
"Exactly So" 61

|Hay, John|
Distichs 247
Enchanted Shirt, The 658
Good and Bad Luck 334
Jim Bludso 661
Little Breeches 657

|Hazzard, John Edward|
Ain't It Awful, Mabel? 137

|Heber, Reginald|
Sympathy 270

|Henley, William Ernest|
Culture in the Slums 400
Her Little Feet 59
Triolet, The 782
Villon's Straight Tip to All Cross Coves 399

|Herford, Oliver|
Catfish, The 900
Cloud, The 134
Laughing Willow, The 948
Mark Twain: A Pipe Dream 30
Phyllis Lee 139
War Relief 901

|Herrick, Robert|
Five Wives 772
No Fault in Women 166
Ternary of Littles Upon a Pipkin of Jelly Sent
to a Lady, A 806

|Hill, Marion|
Lovelilts 824

|Hogg, James|
Love is Like a Dizziness 218

|Holmes, Oliver Wendell|
[OE]stivation 849
Ballad of the Oysterman, The 583
Cacoethes Scribendi 238
Contentment 238
The Deacon's Masterpiece 580
Familiar Letter to Several Correspondents, A 36
Height of the Ridiculous, The 38
Ode for a Social Meeting 833
Our Hymn 374
To the Portrait of "A Gentleman" 236

|Hood, Thomas|
Bachelor's Dream, The 342
Ben Bluff 619
Death's Ramble 801
Faithless Nellie Gray 797
Faithless Sally Brown 792
No! 792
Nocturnal Sketch, A 823
Parental Ode to my Son Aged Three Years and Five
Months, A 941
Sally Simpkin's Lament 800
Tim Turpin 795
To Minerva 49

|Hood, Thomas,| _Jr._
In Memoriam Technicam 413
Takings 817
Wedding, The 412

|Hook, Theodore|
Cautionary Verses 828

|Hovey, Richard|
Barney McGee 721

|Hunt, Leigh|
Jovial Priest's Confession, The 834
Nun, The 206

|Huntley, Stanley|
Annabel Lee 497

|Ingoldsby, Thomas| [_See_ |Richard Harris Barham|]

|Irwin, Wallace|
Blow Me Eyes! 115
Constant Cannibal Maiden, The 194
Grain of Salt, A 241

|Jenks, Tudor|
Old Bachelor, An 98

|Johnson, Burges|
Why Doth a Pussy Cat? 895

|Johnson, Hilda|
Quest of the Purple Cow, The 100

|Johnson, Rossiter|
Ninety-nine in the Shade 781

|Johnson, Samuel|
If the Man 949

|Johnston, William|
On the Downtown Side of an Uptown Street 79

|Johnstone, Henry|
Fastidious Serpent, The 887

|Jones, Dean|
On the Democracy of Yale 949

|Jonson, Ben|
Answer to Master Wither's Song, "Shall I, Wasting
in Despair?" 526
Cupid 211
To Doctor Empiric 365

|Keats, John|
Portrait, A 496

|Kerr, Orpheus| [_See_ |Robert H. Newell|]

|King, Ben|
How Often 489
If I Should Die To-night 489
Pessimist, The 358

|Kingsley, Charles|
Oubit, The 330

|Kipling, Rudyard|
Commonplaces 427
Divided Destinies 904
Study of an Elevation, in Indian Ink 226

|Knight, Henry Coggswell|
Lunar Stanzas 841

|Lamb, Charles|
Farewell to Tobacco, A 726
Nonsense Verses 848

|Lampton, W. J.|
New Persion, The 90

|Landor, Walter Savage|
Honey-moon, The 366
Gifts Returned 198

|Lang, Andrew|
Ballad of the Primitive Jest 72
Double Ballad of Primitive Man 331

|Langbridge, Frederick|
Quite By Chance 205

|Lanigan, George Thomas|
Ahkoond of Swat, The 710
Dirge of the Moolla of Kotal 712

|Lear, Edward|
Ahkoond of Swat, The 708
Jumbles, The 862
New Vestments, The 866
Owl and the Pussy Cat, The 901
Pobble Who Has No Toes, The 865
Two Old Bachelors, The 868
Yongby-Bonghy-Bo, The 859

|Leigh, Henry S.|
Cossimbazar 843
Maud 188
My Love and My Heart 204
Nursery Legend, A 937
Only Seven 543
Romanunt of Humpty Dumpty, The 411
'Twas Ever Thus 544
Twins, The 108

|Leland, Charles Godfrey|
Ballad of Charity, A 613
Ballad of Hans Breitmann 669
Hans Breitmann's Party 668
Legend of Heinz Von Stein, The 49

|Lemke, E.|
Rhyme of Musicians, A 772

|Lemon, Mark|
How to Make a Man of Consequence 280

|Lessing|
Mendax 369
To a Slow Walker and Quick Eater 369

|Lever, Charles|
Pope, The 70
Widow Malone, The 126

|Lindesay, Sir David|
Carman's Account of a Law Suit, A 807

|Locker-Lampson, Frederick|
Circumstance 444
Mrs. Smith 155
My Mistress's Boots 153
On a Sense of Humor 367
Some Ladies 367
Susan 157
Terrible Infant, A 156

|Loines, Russell Hilliard|
On a Magazine Sonnet 281

|Loomis, Charles Battell|
O-u-g-h 761
Propinquity Needed 51
Song of Sorrow, A 386

|Loring, Fred W.|
Fair Millinger, The 186

|Lovelace, Richard|
Song 241

|Lover, Samuel|
Birth of Saint Patrick, The 58
Father Malloy 307
How to Ask and Have 181
Lanty Leary 208
Paddy O'Rafther 571
Quaker's Meeting, The 576
Rory O'More; or, Good Omens 141

|Lowell, James Russell|
Candidate's Creed, The 294
Courtin', The 110
What Mr. Robinson Thinks 292
Without and Within 359

|Ludlow, Fitz Hugh|
Too Late 348

|Lummis, C. F.|
Poe-'em of Passion, A 532

|Lysaght, Edward|
Kitty of Coleraine 130

|Mackay, Charles|
Bachelor's Mono-Rhyme, A 817
Cynical Ode to an Ultra-Cynical Public 339

|Mackintosh, Newton|
Lucy Lake 463
Optimism 445
Pessimism 338

|Macy, Arthur|
Rollicking Mastodon, The 853

|Maginn, William|
Irishman and the Lady, The 742
St. Patrick, of Ireland, My Dear! 101

|Marquis, Don|
For I Am Sad 379
Lilies 379

|Marriott, John|
Devonshire Lane, The 266

|Masson, Tom|
Kiss, The 109

|Maxwell, J. C.|
Rigid Body Sings 483

|Mayhew, Horace|
Travesty of Miss Fanshawe's Enigma 763

|Ménage, Gilles|
Happy Man, The 814

|Merivale, Herman C.|
Darwinity 409
Town of Nice, The 438

|Miller, Alice Duer|
If They Meant All They Said 247

|Miller, Joaquin|
That Gentle Man From Boston Town 629
That Texan Cattle Man 288
William Brown of Oregon 653

|Milne, A. A.|
From a Full Heart 31

|Milton, John|
On the Oxford Carrier 780

|Mix, Parmenas|
Accepted and Will Appear 268
He Came to Pay 447

|Moore, Augustus M.|
Ballade of Ballade-Mongers, A 441

|Moore, Clement Clarke|
Visit from St. Nicholas, A 935

|Moore, Thomas|
If you Have Seen 444
Lying 86
Of All the Men 370
On Taking a Wife 367
Upon Being Obliged to Leave a Pleasant Party 367
What's My Thought Like? 370

|Morgan, Bessie|
'Späcially Jim 129

|Morris, Captain C.|
Contrast, The 265

|Morris, George Pope|
Retort, The 174

|Motteux, Peter A.|
Rondelay, A 41

|Moxon, Frederick|
All at Sea 70

|Munkittrick, R. K.|
Unsatisfied Yearning 889
What's in a Name? 347
Winter Dusk 42

|Nack, James|
Here She Goes and There She Goes 572

|Nairne, Lady|
The Laird o' Cockpen 703

|Newell, Robert H.| [|Orpheus C. Kerr|]
American Traveller, The 757
Editor's Wooing, The 389
Great Fight, A 697
Rejected "National Hymns," The 387

|O'Keefe, John|
Friar of Orders Gray, The 282

|O'Leary, Cormac|
Reflections on Cleopathera's Needle 105

|O'Reilly, John Boyle|
Constancy 137

|Osborn, Selleck|
Modest Wit, A 260

|Outram, George|
Annuity, The 350
On Hearing a Lady Praise a Certain Rev.
Doctor's Eyes 368

|Pain, Barry|
Bangkolidye 334
Martin Luther at Potsdam 404
Oh! Weary Mother 000
Poets at Tea, The 486

|Paine, Albert Bigelow|
Mis' Smith 119
Sary "Fixes Up" Things 192

|Palmer, E. H.|
Parterre, The 180
Shipwreck, The 876

|Palmer, William Pitt|
Smack in School, The 128

|Parke, Walter|
Foam and Fangs 544
His Mother-in-Law 75
My Madeline 773
Vague Story, A 74
Young Gazelle 918

|Paull, H. M.|
Eastern Question, An 598

|Peck, Samuel Minturn|
Bessie Brown, M.D. 120
Kiss in the Rain, A 123

|Pelham, M.|
Comical Girl, The 946

|Perry, Nora|
Love Knot, The 124

|Philips, Barclay|
Polka Lyric, A 832

|Philips, John|
Splendid Shilling, The 316

|Piggot, Mostyn T.|
Hundred Best Books, The 769

|Planché, J. R.|
Song 99

|Pontalais, Jehan Du|
Money 323

|Pope, Alexander|
Fool and the Poet, The 363
Ruling Passion, The 285
To a Blockhead 362

|Porson, Richard|
Dido 366
Nothing 786

|Porter, H. H.|
Forty Years After 210

|Praed, Winthrop Mackworth|
Belle of the Ball, The 171
Song of Impossibilities, A 327

|Pratt, Florence E.|
Courting in Kentucky 168

|Prior, Matthew|
Epitaph, An 765
Phillis's Age 332
Remedy Worse Than the Disease, A 365
Simile, A 262

|Proudfit, David Law|
Prehistoric Smith 83

|Prout, Father|
Malbrouck 28
Sabine Farmer's Serenade, The 214

|Ramal, Walter|
Bunches of Grapes 947

|Rands, W. B.|
Clean Clara 283

|Riley, James Whitcomb|
Little Orphant Annie 934
Lugubrious Whing-Whang, The 858
Man in the Moon, The 856
Old Man and Jim, The 678
Prior to Miss Belle's Appearance 925
Spirk Throll-Derisive 855
When the Frost Is on the Punkin 34

|Robertson, Harrison|
Kentucky Philosophy 325

|Robinson, Edwin Arlington|
Miniver Cheevy 229
Two Men 35

|Roche, James Jeffrey|
Boston Lullaby, A 240
Lament of the Scotch Irish Exile 385
Sailor's Yarn, A 680
V-A-S-E, The 227

|Rodger, Alexander|
Behave Yoursel' Before Folk 174

|Romaine, Harry|
Unattainable, The 141

|Ropes, Arthur Reed|
Lost Pleiad, The 161

|Russell, Irwin|
First Banjo, The 672

|Sancta-Clara, á Abraham|
St. Anthony's Sermon to the Fishes 251

|Saxe, John G.|
Comic Miseries 42
Early Rising 44
Echo 750
Rhyme of the Rail 748
Sonnet to a Clam 734
Woman's Will 362

|Sawyer, William|
"Caudal" Lecture, A 92
Cremation 534
Turvey Top 884

|Scollard, Clinton|
Ballade of the Golfer in Love 222
Noureddin, the Son of the Shah 199

|Scott, Sir Walter|
Herring, The 949
Nora's Vow 159

|Seaman, Owen|
At the Sign of the Cock 414
Of Baiting the Lion 893
Plea for Trigamy, A 68
Presto Furioso 417
To Julia in Shooting Togs 418

|Sheridan, Richard Brinsley|
Literary Lady, The 278
Wife, A 366

|Shults, George Francis|
Under the Mistletoe 196

|Sibley, Charles|
Plaidie, The 190

|Sidney, James A.|
Irish Schoolmaster, The 103

|Sims, George R.|
By Parcels Post 262

|Smith, Harry B.|
"I Didn't Like Him" 157
My Angeline 158
Same Old Story 360

|Smith, Horace|
Gouty Merchant and the Stranger, The 563
Jester Condemned to Death, The 378

|Smith, James|
Baby's Début, The 390
Surnames 804

|Smith, Sydney|
Salad 93

|Southey, Robert|
Battle of Blenheim, The 252
Cataract of Lodore, The 743
Devil's Walk on Earth, The 298
March to Moscow, The 775
Pig, The 914
Well of St. Keyne, The 584

|Stanton, Frank Libby|
How to Eat Watermelons 73

|Stephen, James Kenneth|
Cynicus to W. Shakespeare 362
Last Ride Together, The 431
Millennium, The 60
School 60
Senex to Matt. Prior 362
Thought, A 248

|Stevens, H. P.|
Why 214

|Street, Julian| [_with_ |James Montgomery Flagg|]
Said Opie Reed 948

|Stuart, Alaric Bertrand|
Jim-Jam King of the Jou-jous, The 851

|Stuart, Ruth McEnery|
Endless Song, The 768
Hen-Roost Man, The 247

|Suckling, Sir John|
Out Upon It 218
Wedding, A 704

|Swift, Dean|
Gentle Echo On Woman, A 752
Twelve Articles 279

|Swinburne, Algernon Charles|
Higher Pantheism in a Nutshell, The 458
Nephelidia 459
Up the Spout 460

|Taber, Harry Parsons|
Jaberwocky of Authors, The 437

|Taylor, Bayard|
Angelo Orders His Dinner 428
Camerados 430
Cantelope, The 393
Hiram Hover 113
Palabras Grandiosas 407
Promissory Note, The 429

|Taylor, Bert Leston|
Bygones 383
Farewell 419
Old Stuff 48
Post-Impressionism 235

|Tennyson, Lord|
Goose, The 611
Northern Farmer 354

|Thackeray, W. M.|
Ballad of Bouillabaisse, The 714
Crystal Palace, The 547
Little Billee 546
Old Fashioned Fun 33
Sorrows of Werther, The 140
Tragic Story, A 850
When Moonlike Ore the Hazure Seas 34
Willow-Tree, The 439
Wofle New Ballad of Jane Roney and Mary Brown, The 552

|Thayer, Ernest Lawrence|
Casey at the Bat 601

|Thompson, D'Arcy W.|
Poor Dear Grandpapa 950

|Towne, Charles Hanson|
Messed Damozel, The 471

|Traill, H. D.|
After Dilettante Concetti 474

|Trowbridge, John Townsend|
Darius Green and His Flying-Machine 690

|Turner, Eliza Sproat|
Little Goose, A 938

|Turner, Godfrey|
Love Playnt, A 408

|Tytler, James|
I Hae Laid a Herring in Saut 216

|Untermeyer, Louis|
Owen Seaman 480
Robert Frost 479

|Vandyne, Mary E.|
The Bald-headed Tyrant 720

|Villon, François|
All Things Except Myself I Know 343

|Wake, William Basil|
Saying Not Meaning 666

|Ward, Artemus| [_See_ |Charles Farrar Browne|]

|Ware, Eugene Fitch|
He and She 109
Manila 949
Siege of Djklxprwbz, The 96

|Warren, George F.|
Lord Guy 191

|Waterman, Nixon|
If We Didn't Have to Eat 57

|Weatherly, Frederic E.|
Bird in the Hand, A 170
Thursday 313
Usual Way, The 200

|Webb, Charles Henry|
Little Mamma 943

|Wells, Carolyn|
Diversions of the Re-Echo Club 515
Limericks 835
Styx River Anthology 521

|West, Paul|
Cumberbunce, The 844

|Wesley, Rev. Samuel|
On Butler's Monument 370

|Witcher, Frances M.|
K. K.--Can't Calculate 353
Widow Bedott to Elder Sniffles 195

|White, Harriet R.|
Uffia 877

|Whittier, John Greenleaf|
Skipper Ireson's Ride 688

|Wilcox, Ella Wheeler|
Pin, A 132

|Wildgoose, Oscuro|
More Impressions 509

|Wilkie, A. C.|
Old Song By New Singers, An 506

|Willis, N. P.|
Declaration, The 446

|Willson, Arabella|
Appeal for Are to the Sextant of the Old Brick
Meetinouse, A 66

|Wolcot, John|
Actor, The 287
Pilgrims and the Peas, The 621
Razor Seller, The 297
To a Fly 734

|Yates, Edmund|
All-Saints 280

|Ybarra, Thomas R.|
Lay of Ancient Rome 753
Little Swirl of Vers Libre, A 380
Ode to Work in Springtime 47

|Yriarte, Tomaso de|
Musical Ass, The 249

INDEX OF FIRST LINES