Chapter I: Preface

If, in these volumes, I have made some joke at a friend's expense, let that friend take it in the spirit intended, and--I apologise beforehand.

In America apology in journalism is unknown. The exception is the well-known story of the man whose death was published in the obituary column. He rushed into the office of the paper and cried out to the editor:

"Look here, sur, what do you mean by this? You have published two columns and a half of my obituary, and here I am as large as life!"

The editor looked up and coolly said, "Sur, I am vury sorry, I reckon there is a mistake some place, but it kean't be helped. You are killed by the _Jersey Eagle_, you are to the world buried. We nevur correct anything, and we nevur apologise in Amurrican papers."

"That won't do for me, sur. My wife's in tears; my friends are laughing at me; my business will be ruined,--you _must_ apologise."

"No, si--ree, an Amurrican editor nevur apologises."

"Well, sur, I'll take the law on you right away. I'm off to my attorney."

"Wait one minute, sur--just one minute. You are a re-nowned and popular citizen: the _Jersey Eagle_ has killed you--for that I am vury, vury sorry, and to show you my respect I will to-morrow find room for you--in the births column."

Now do not let any editor imagine these pages are my professional obituary,--my autobiography. If by mistake he does, then let him place me immediately in their births column. I am in my forties, and there is quite time for me to prepare and publish two more volumes of my "Confessions" from my first to my second birth, and many other things, before I am fifty.

LONDON, 1901.

[The Author begs to acknowledge his indebtedness to the Proprietors
and the Editor of _Punch_, the Proprietors of the _Magazine of Art_,
the _Graphic_, the _Illustrated London News_, _English Illustrated
Magazine_, _Cornhill Magazine_, _Harper's Magazine_, _Westminster
Gazette_, _St. James' Gazette_, the _British Weekly_ and the _Sporting
Times_ for their kindness in allowing him to reproduce extracts and
pictures in these volumes.]

CONTENTS.

CHAPTER I.

CONFESSIONS OF MY CHILDHOOD--AND AFTER.

Introductory--Birth and Parentage--The Cause of my remaining a
Caricaturist--The Schoolboys' _Punch_--Infant Prodigies--As a
Student--I Start in Life--_Zozimus_--The Sullivan
Brothers--Pigott--The Forger--The Irish "Pathriot"--Wood
Engraving--Tom Taylor--The Wild West--Judy--Behind the
Scenes--Titiens--My First and Last Appearance in a Play--My Journey to
London--My Companion--A Coincidence _pp._ 1-29

CHAPTER II.

BOHEMIAN CONFESSIONS.

I arrive in London--A Rogue and Vagabond--Two Ladies--Letters of
Introduction--Bohemia--A Distinguished Member--My Double--A Rara
Avis--The Duke of Broadacres--The Savages--A Souvenir--Portraits of
the Past--J. L. Toole--Art and Artists--Sir Spencer Wells--John
Pettie--Milton's Garden _pp._ 30-53

CHAPTER III.

MY CONFESSIONS AS A SPECIAL ARTIST.

The Light Brigade--Miss Thompson (Lady Butler)--Slumming--The Boat
Race--Realism--A Phantasmagoria--Orlando and the Caitiff--Fancy Dress
Balls--Lewis Wingfield--Cinderella--A Model--All Night Sitting--An
Impromptu Easel--"Where there's a Will there's a Way"--The American
Sunday Papers--I am Deaf--The Grill--The World's
Fair--Exaggeration--Personally Conducted--The Charnel House--10,
Downing Street--I attend a Cabinet Council--An Illustration by Mr.
Labouchere--The Great Lincolnshire Trial--Praying without Prejudice
_pp._ 54-87

CHAPTER IV.

THE CONFESSIONS OF AN ILLUSTRATOR--A SERIOUS CHAPTER.

Drawing--"Hieroglyphics"--Clerical Portraiture--A Commission from
General Booth--In Search of Truth--Sir Walter Besant--James Payn--Why
Theodore Hook was Melancholy--"Off with his Head"--Reformers'
Tree--Happy Thoughts--Christmas Story--Lewis Carroll--The Rev. Charles
Lutwidge Dodgson--Sir John Tenniel--The Challenge--Seven Years'
Labour--A Puzzle MS.--Dodgson on Dress--Carroll on Drawing--Sylvie and
Bruno--A Composite Picture--My Real Models--I am very Eccentric--My
"Romps"--A Letter from du Maurier--Caldecott--Tableaux--Fine
Feathers--Models--Fred Barnard--The Haystack--A Wicket Keeper--A Fair
Sitter--Neighbours--The Post Office Jumble--Puzzling the
Postmen--Writing Backwards--A Coincidence _pp._ 88-130

CHAPTER V.

A CHAT BETWEEN MY PEN AND PENCIL.

What is Caricature?--Interviewing--Catching
Caricatures--Pellegrini--The "Ha! Ha!"--Black and White _v._
Paint--How to make a Caricature--M.P.'s--My System--Mr. Labouchere's
Attitude--Do the Subjects Object?--Colour in Caricature--Caught!--A
Pocket Caricature--The Danger of the Shirt-cuff--The Danger of a
Marble Table--Quick Change--Advice to those about to Caricature
_pp._ 131--153