Chapter I: Part 1

The Confessions of a
Well-Meaning Woman

By

STEPHEN McKENNA

CASSELL AND COMPANY, LTD
London, New York, Toronto and Melbourne

First published 1922.

_BY THE SAME AUTHOR_

THE SENSATIONALISTS
Part III: The Secret Victory

THE SENSATIONALISTS
Part II: The Education of Eric Lane

THE SENSATIONALISTS
Part I: Lady Lilith

SONIA MARRIED

MIDAS AND SON

NINETY-SIX HOURS' LEAVE

SONIA

THE SIXTH SENSE

SHEILA INTERVENES

THE RELUCTANT LOVER

* * *

WHILE I REMEMBER

To

LORD AND LADY BEAUCHAMP

In Gratitude for their Hospitality
at Walmer Castle, where this book was begun,
and at Madresfield Court, where it was finished.

_Cusins_: Do you call poverty a crime?

_Undershaft_: The worst of crimes ... Poverty ... strikes dead the very souls of all who come within sight, sound or smell of it....

BERNARD SHAW: _Major Barbara_.

CONTENTS

1. Lady Ann Spenworth Prefers Not to Discuss Her Operation

2. She Repudiates all Responsibility

3. She Touches Reluctantly on Divorce

4. She is Content with a Little Music

5. She Refuses to Become a Match-Maker

6. She Holds the _Corps Diplomatique_ to its Duty

7. She Deplores Proposals by Women

8. She Refers to Her Diary

9. She Narrates an Embarrassment Averted

10. She as a Prisoner in Her own House

11. She Finds Her Heart Warming

12. She Defends Her Consistency

THE CONFESSIONS OF A WELL-MEANING WOMAN

I

LADY ANN SPENWORTH PREFERS NOT TO DISCUSS HER OPERATION

_Lady Ann_ (_to a friend of proved discretion_): You have toiled all the way here again? Do you know, I feel I am only _beginning_ to find out who are the _true_ friends? I am much, much better... On Friday I am to be allowed on to the sofa and by the end of next week Dr. Richardson promises to let me go back to Mount Street. Of course I should have _liked_ the operation to take place there--it is one's frame and setting, but, truly honestly, Arthur and I have not been in a position to have any painting or papering done for so long ... The surgeon insisted on a nursing-home. Apparatus and so on and so forth... Quite between ourselves, I fancy that they make a very good thing out of these homes; but I am so thankful to be well again that I would put up with almost any imposition...

Everything went off too wonderfully. Perhaps you have seen my brother Brackenbury? Or Ruth? Ah, I am sorry; I should have been vastly entertained to hear what they were saying, what they _dared_ say. Ruth did indeed offer to pay the expenses of the operation--the belated prick of conscience!--; and it was on the tip of my tongue to say we are not yet dependent on her spasmodic charity. Also, that I can keep my lips closed about Brackenbury without expecting a--tip! But they know I can't _afford_ to refuse £500... If they, if everybody would only leave one _alone_! Spied on, whispered about...

The papers made such an absurd stir! If you are known by name as occupying any little niche, the world waits gaping below. I suppose I ought to be flattered, but for _days_ there were callers, letters, telephone-messages. Like Royalty _in extremis_... And I never _pretended_ that the operation was in any sense critical...

Do you know, beyond saying that, I would much rather _not_ talk about it? This very modern frankness... Not _you_, of course! But, when a man like my brother-in-law Spenworth strides in here a few hours before the anæsthetic is administered and says "What _is_ the matter with you? Much ado about nothing, _I_ call it..." That from Arthur's brother to Arthur's wife, when, for all he knew, he might never see her alive again... I prefer just to say that everything went off most satisfactorily and that I hope now to be better than I have been for years...

It was anxiety more than anything else. A prolonged strain always finds out the weak place: Arthur complaining that he had lost some of his directorships and that, with the war, he was being offered none to take their place; talk of selling the house in Mount Street, every _corner_ filled with a wonderful memory of old happy days when the princess almost _lived_ with me; sometimes no news from the front for weeks, and that _could_ only mean that my boy Will was moving up with the staff. It was just when I was at my wits' end that he wrote to say that he must have five hundred pounds. He gave no reason, so I assumed that one of his friends must be in trouble; and I was not to tell Arthur... This last effort really exhausted me; and I knew that, if I was not to be a useless encumbrance to everybody, I must "go into dock," as Will would say, "for overhauling and repairs." Dr. Richardson really seemed reluctant to impose any further tax on my vitality at such a time, but I assured him that I was not afraid of the knife. So here you find me!

A little home-sick for Mount Street and my friends? Indeed, yes; though I have not been neglected. Are not those tulips too magnificent? _Were_, rather... The dear princess brought them a week ago, and I was so touched by her sweetness that I have not the heart to throw them away. If _she_, to whom I can be nothing but a dull old woman... I mean, it brings into relief the unkindness of others; and I do indeed find it hard to forgive the callousness of Spenworth and my brother Brackenbury. No, _that_--like the operation--I would rather _not_ talk about. Their attitude was so--wicked...

You, of course, have been under an anæsthetic. I? Not since I was a child; and the only sensation I recall was a hammer, hammer, hammer just as I went off, which I believe is nothing but the beating of one's heart... But _before_ the operation... You must not think that I am posing as a heroine; but accidents _do_ happen, and for two days and two nights, entirely by myself... It was inevitable that one should take stock... My thoughts went back to old days at Brackenbury, _spacious_ old days with my dear father when he was ambassador at Rome and Vienna (they were happy times, though the expense crippled him); old days when my brother was a funny, impetuous little boy--not _hard_, as he has since become... I am fourteen years his senior; and, from the time when our dear mother died to the time when I married Arthur, I was wife and mother and sister at the Hall. On me devolved what, in spite of the socialists, I venture to call the great tradition of English life...

Lying in bed here, one could not help saying "_If_ anything goes amiss, _am_ I leaving the world better than I found it?" Under my own vine and fig-tree I had been a good wife to Arthur and a good mother to Will; and, if there had not always been _some_ one of good intentions to smoothe over difficulties with the family on _both_ sides... Blessed are the peace-makers, though I have sometimes wondered whether I did right in even tolerating my brother-in-law Spenworth. It is probably no news to you that he very much wanted to marry me, but I always felt that even Cheniston, even the house in Grosvenor Square, even his immense income would not compensate me for a husband whom I could never trust out of my sight. Arthur may be only the younger brother, I very soon found that the old spacious days were over; but with him one _does_ know where one is, and I have never grudged poor Kathleen Manorby my leavings. There indeed is a lesson for the worldly! She was in love with a poor decent young subaltern named Laughton, more suitable for her in every way; however, the lure of Cheniston and the opportunity of being Lady Spenworth! ... _He_ transferred to an Indian regiment; and, if his heart was broken, so much the worse for him. I am not superstitious; but, when I remember that bit of treachery, when I think of Spenworth, unfaithful from the beginning, when I see those four dairymaid daughters and no heir... Might not some people call that a judgement? It makes no _personal_ difference, for the ungodly will flourish throughout _our_ time; and, though my boy Will must ultimately succeed, he can look for nothing from his uncle in the meantime. I have lost the thread...

Ah, yes! I have done my humble best to comfort poor Kathleen and to give her _some_ idea how to bring up her girls if she does not want to see them going the same way as their unhappy father. One is not thanked for that sort of thing; Spenworth, who blusters but can never look me in the eyes, pretends that he has refused to have me inside Cheniston since I publicly rebuked him, though he well knows that I will not enter the house while the present licence prevails. But one would have thought that even he would have had serious moments, would have felt that his soul might be required of him at any hour... A sense of gratitude, if not verbal thanks, was what I expected...

Hoped for, rather than expected... You are quite right.

And I have tried to keep the peace on the other side, at Brackenbury. There, I am thankful to say, there is the appearance of harmony; but, goodness me, there is an _appearance_ of harmony when you see pigs eating amicably out of the same trough... No, I ought not to have said that! And I would not say it to any one else; but, when I remember the _distinction_ of the Hall in the old, spacious days... My poor sister-in-law Ruth--well, she knew no better; and Brackenbury, instead of absorbing her, has allowed her to absorb him. They seem to have _no_ sense of their position; and in the upbringing of their children they either don't _know_ or they don't _care_. When this war broke out, Culroyd ran away from Eton and _enlisted_. He is in the Coldstream now, and I expect the whole thing is forgotten, but Brackenbury had the utmost difficulty in getting him out. And my niece Phyllida instantly set herself to learn nursing--which, of course, in itself is altogether praiseworthy--, but she makes it an excuse for now living entirely unchecked and uncontrolled in London--the "bachelor-girl," I believe, is the phrase. I did indeed force my brother to make her come to Mount Street; but, if that preserves the _convenances_, it is the utmost that I have achieved. When the trouble breaks out, when we find her _liée_ with some hopelessly unsuitable "temporary gentleman" ... I? In a rash moment I allowed Brackenbury to make some trifling contribution to the cost of the girl's bed and board: the result is that she treats me as a lodging-house-keeper...

It was not a cheerful retrospect; but I had done my best, I could only say "Let me be judged on my intentions." The future... That was what troubled me more. When Will resigns his commission, something must be done to establish him in life until he succeeds his uncle. He is nearly thirty and has never earned a penny beyond his present army pay; _I_ cannot support him indefinitely; and these frantic appeals for a hundred pounds here and five hundred pounds there... I cannot meet them, unless I am to sell the house in Mount Street and give up any little _niche_ that I may occupy. Frankly, I am not prepared to do that. One's frame and setting... If his uncles would make a proper settlement, there would be an end of all our troubles; failing that, I must find him a well-paid appointment. And, in another sense, I want to see him established. Exactly! That is just what I _do_ mean. Thanks to the energy of a few pushful but not particularly well-connected people like my Lady Maitland, social distinctions have ceased to exist in London. I will be as democratic as you please: I swallowed the Americans, I swallowed the South Africans, I swallow the _rastaquouères_ daily; _I_ don't mind sitting between a stock-broker and an actor, but it is a different thing altogether when you come to marriage. My boy has to be protected from the ordinary dangers and temptations; and, though I would do nothing to influence him, it would be highly satisfactory if he met some nice girl with a little money of her own. Naturally one would like to see the choice falling on some one in his own immediate world; but times are changing, and it would be regarded as old-fashioned prejudice if one made too strong a stand against the people who really are the only people _with_ money; or against a foreigner... But this is all rather like crossing the bridge before one comes to the stream...

Lying here, _very_ much depressed, I wanted to make provision for the _immediate_ future. Now, would _you_ say I had taken leave of my senses if I suggested that I had some claim on Brackenbury and Spenworth? Does relationship count for nothing? Or gratitude? You shall hear! You remember that, when you left just before my operation, Brackenbury came in to see me. I had sent for him. I am not a nervous woman; but accidents _do_ happen, and I wanted a last word with them all in _case_... just in _case_... Arthur never takes a thought for the future, and I told Brackenbury that, if anything _did_ happen, he would be the _real_ as well as the titular head of the family.

"It is not for me," I said, "to advise or interfere with you or Ruth or your children. If--as I pray--Culroyd comes through unscathed, he has all the world before him, and you have only to see that he does not marry below his station. With Phyllida you must be more careful. She is young, attractive, well-dowered and a little, just a _little_ headstrong. The war has made our girls quite absurdly romantic; any one in uniform, especially if he has been wounded... And you, who are rich, perhaps hardly realize as well as do we, who are poor, the tricks and _crimes_ that a man will commit to marry a fortune. I do not suggest that Phyllida should be withdrawn from her hospital--"

"Oh, she's signed on for the duration of the war," Brackenbury interrupted.

"But I do think," I resumed, "that you should keep an eye on her..."

Perhaps there was never anything in it; but _one_ young man whom Phyllida brought to Mount Street, a Colonel Butler, one of her own patients... Oh, quite a presentable, manly young fellow, but _hopelessly_ unsuitable for _Phyllida_! My boy Will first put me on my guard when he was last home on leave; not that _he_ had any personal interest, for all her four thousand a year or whatever it is, but they _have_ always been brought up like brother and sister... My last act before coming here was to make Colonel Butler promise not to see or communicate with Phyllida until he had spoken frankly to Brackenbury. I understand that he has been invited to the Hall "on approval", as Will would say; and then we shall see what we shall see. I fancy he will have the good sense to recognize that such an alliance would be out of the question: every one would say that he had married her for her money, and no man of any pride would tolerate that... Phyllida, robbed of her stolen joys, was of course furious with me for what she was courteous enough to call my "interference." ...

"Her head is screwed on quite tight," said Brackenbury, "though I have no idea what you're insinuating."

"I am insinuating nothing," I said, "but _do_ you want to see your only daughter married for her money by some penniless soldier--?"

"If she's in love with him, I don't care who she marries," said Brackenbury with a quite extraordinary callousness. "He must be a decent fellow, of course, who'll make her happy. I don't attach the importance to Debrett that you do, Ann, especially since the war."

As _he_ had said it! I was _mute_... Every one is aware that poor Ruth was _nobody_--the rich daughter of a Hull shipping-magnate. I made him marry her because he _had_ to marry some one with a little money--and much good it has been to anybody!,--but I hardly expected to hear him _boasting_ or encouraging his _children_ to pretend that there are no distinctions...

"Well, it's not my business, dear Brackenbury," I said. I was feeling too _ill_ to wrangle... "When I asked you to come here, it was because--accidents _do_ happen--I wanted to see you again, perhaps for the last time--"

"But aren't you frightening yourself unduly?," interrupted Brackenbury. "Arthur told me it was only--"

"Arthur knows nothing about it," I said. It is always so pleasant, when you are facing the possibility of death, to be told that it is all _nothing_... "I wanted to see you," I said, "about Will. You and I have to pull together for the sake of the family. If anything happens to me, I leave Will in your charge. His father will, of course, do what he can, but poor Arthur has nothing but his directorships; you must be our rock and anchor."

And then I plucked up courage to ask whether Brackenbury could not do something _permanent_ for our boy. Even a thousand a year... It is not as though he couldn't afford it if Ruth shewed a little good-will, not as though either had done so extravagantly much for their own nephew. Brackenbury did indeed undertake to pay for him at Eton; but, as Will left before any of us expected, they were let off lightly...

Brackenbury would only talk of increasing expenses and the burden of taxation.

"I could face my operation with an easier mind," I said, "if I knew that Will would never want."

"Well, some one has always pulled him out hitherto," said Brackenbury. "I suppose some one always will." I had to _rack_ my brains, but honestly truly the only occasion I could remember on which he had come to our assistance was when Will as a mere boy fell in with some men no better than common swindlers who prevailed on him to play cards for stakes which he could not afford... "_He_ won't want," Brackenbury went on with the insolence of a man who has never done a hand's turn in his life, "if he'll only buckle down to it and work. Or he could spend less money."

This, I knew, was a "dig" at me. Before my boy had time to learn how very little distance his army pay would take him, I _had_ asked my brother to tide him over a passing difficulty. Would you not have thought that any uncle would have welcomed the opportunity? I said nothing. And then Brackenbury had the assurance to criticize _my_ way of life and to ask why I kept on the house in Mount Street if it always meant "pulling the devil by the tail," as he so elegantly expressed it. Why did I not take a less expensive house? And so on and so forth. I suppose he imagined that I could ask the princess to come to Bayswater...

"Do not," I said, "let us discuss the matter any more. It is unpleasant to be a pauper, but more unpleasant to be a beggar. If my boy wins through with his life--"

"Oh, you needn't worry about that," said Brackenbury. "They tell me he's on a staff which has never even heard a shot fired."

_They tell me_... Does not that phrase always put you on your guard, as it were? Of _course_ he was quoting Culroyd, who is still young enough to imagine that whatever he does must be right and that every one must do as he does. Ever since Will was appointed to the staff ... I should have thought it stood to reason; you keep the _brains_ of the army to direct the war, and the _other_ people... I won't put it even as strongly as that, but there _must_ be a division of labour. My Lord Culroyd seems to think that any one who has _not_ run away from school and enlisted... Sometimes I have been hard put to it to keep the peace when they have been on leave at the same time. But I could not allow Brackenbury to make himself a ruler and a judge...

"Is it not enough," I said, "that you have refused the last request I may ever make? Is it necessary to add slander to ungraciousness?"

"Oh, keep cool, Ann, keep cool," said Brackenbury with his usual elegance. "From all accounts you ain't going to die yet awhile; and, if you do, Master Will won't be any worse off in pocket. He can earn his living as well as another. I'll promise you this, though; if he gets smashed up in the war, I'll see that he don't starve, but that's the limit of my responsibility. Now, does _that_ set your mind at rest?"

I refused to continue the discussion and sank back on my pillows.

"What," I said, "what have I done to deserve this?"...

And it was I who found Ruth for him...

Do you know, after that, it was on the tip of my tongue to say I could not see Spenworth? He had made such a pother about coming up from Cheniston... If _your_ brother-in-law were faced with an operation and begged to have what would perhaps be his last word with you ... and if, through no fault of yours, there had been unhappy differences in the past... The nurse came in to say that he had arrived, and I felt that I must make an effort, whatever it cost me. He was worse than Brackenbury! What they said to each other outside I do not profess to know; but Spenworth came in, bawling in that hunting-field voice of his... Ah, of course, you do not know him! I assure you, it goes through and through one's head... I begged him to spare me; and, when I had quieted him, I referred very briefly to our estrangement, which, I told him, was occasioned solely by my efforts to do what in me lay to promote peace in the family. Poor Kathleen ... betrayed and neglected; the licentiousness of life at Cheniston--eating, drinking, smoking, gambling, racing; those four _unhappy_ girls... A _pagan_ household...

"But," I said, "I do not want to disinter old controversies. If I have failed in achievement, you must judge me on my intentions. Lying here, though I am not a nervous woman, I have been compelled to think of the uncertainty of life. Let us, Spenworth," I said, "bury the hatchet. If anything happens to me, you must be our rock and anchor. You are the head of the family; Arthur is your brother; Will is your nephew--"

"No fault of mine," growled Spenworth in a way that set everything trembling. He is obsessed by the idea that rudeness is the same thing as humour. "What's he been up to now?"

"He has been 'up to' nothing, as you call it," I said. "But I should face my operation with an easier mind if I knew that Will's future was assured. _When_ the war is over and _if_ he is spared, it is _essential_ that he should have independent means of _some_ kind. It is pitiable that a man in his position... Do you not feel it--your own nephew? With the present prices, a thousand a year is little enough; but Arthur can do nothing to _increase_ his directorships; and if my poor guidance and support are withdrawn--'

"What _is_ supposed to be the matter with you?" Spenworth interrupted.

"I can hardly discuss that with _you_," I said.

"Well, Brackenbury told me--and Arthur told Brackenbury--," he began.

"Arthur and Brackenbury know nothing about it," I said. "For some time I have not been well, and it seemed worth the unavoidable risk of an operation if I might hope for greater strength and comfort. But I could not go under the anæsthetic with an easy mind if I felt that I had in any way omitted to put my house in order. Between us," I said, "bygones will be bygones. Will you not give me the satisfaction of knowing that, if we do not meet again, I am safe in leaving Arthur and my boy to your care? You _are_ the head of the family. Can my boy's future not be _permanently_ assured--here and now?"

I was not bargaining or haggling; it was a direct appeal to his generosity... Spenworth hummed and hawed for a while; then he said:

"I don't feel very much disposed to do anything more for that young man."

"_More?_," I echoed.

"Well, I paid up once," he said. "Arthur never told you, I suppose? Well, it was hardly a woman's province. I was acting _then_ as head of the family ... about the time when you thought fit to criticize me very frankly..."

I had no more idea what he was talking about than the man in the moon!

"Spenworth! I must beg for enlightenment," I said.

"Oh, we'll let bygones be bygones," he answered. "The case was never brought to trial. But, as long as I'm likely to be called on to wipe up little messes of that kind, I'd sooner make a sinking-fund, to provide against emergencies, than pay Will money to get into more mischief and then have to stump up again."

_More_ explicit than that he declined to be....

"Then," I said, "you repudiate all responsibility to your own flesh and blood? Whether I live or die, this is a request I shall never repeat."

"Oh, we'll see how things go," he answered. "You may not be as bad as you think. If I find Will starving at the end of the war, I'd undertake to pay his passage to Australia and give him a hundred a year to stay there..."

Until you know my brother-in-law, you cannot appreciate the _refinement_ of his humour....

"Let us," I said, "discuss this no further."

You have probably observed that a man is never content with being _thoroughly_ ungenerous; he must always try to justify himself.

"You know," he began, very importantly, "you wouldn't have half so much trouble with that fellow, if you'd licked him a bit more when he was younger..."

This from _Spenworth_!

"Who," I asked, "who made thee a ruler and a judge?"

And then, truly honestly, I had to beg him to leave me in order that I might compose myself....

Compose myself!

To shew you how unnerved I had become, I wrote down something which I had never _breathed_ to Arthur or Will. We have always been so poor that I had dreaded an emergency, a sudden illness, for which I should be unable to provide. In Mount Street we are positive _Spartans_! Well, from the day of Will's birth I have pinched and scraped, scraped and pinched, _trying_ to put something by... A little nest-egg... Thirty years--nearly. I have never dared invest it, in case _something_ happened. It lies at the bank--in a separate account--ready at a moment's notice. When I was so ill four years ago, did I touch it? But before my operation--in case anything happened--I told Will the _amount_ and how I had arranged for him to be able to draw on it. What I tell _you_ is told to the grave; I have torn up the letter; they _still_ do not know; but, when I _saw_ the amount, I was truly tempted to say "Well done, thou good and faithful servant" ... I have lost the thread....

Ah, yes! I was saying that my nerve had entirely _gone_... I was so much exhausted that I fell into some kind of trance. Goodness knows the thousand and one things that go to make up a dream... Opposites... All that sort of thing... I dreamt most wonderfully about Will and--I wonder if you can guess? Phyllida! They have been brought up together--cousins! She is young, high-spirited, very, _very_ attractive; and, thanks to Brackenbury's marriage, she is well-dowered... I said to myself in the dream "If she could marry happily some one in her own station..." And then I seemed to see her with Will... It was but a phantasy. I should do nothing to encourage it, I am not at all sure that I even approve...

Alas for reality! Phyllida came and bullied me for my "interference." ... But I told you about that. And, the day before the operation, Arthur asked whether I really thought it was necessary. Like that! At the eleventh hour!

"I don't trust these surgeons," he said. "They _make_ operations."

At first I was _touched_...

"Dear Arthur," I said, "I am not doing this for my amusement."

"Oh, of course not!," he answered. "All the same, I wish it could be avoided. And, if it can't be avoided, I wish you'd kept more quiet about it. I don't know what you said to Spenworth and Brackenbury, but they're making the deuce's own tale of it."

I begged him to enlighten me.

"Well," said Arthur, "Spenworth says that you pretended to be at death's door in order to force him to make a settlement on Will and that he might have consented if he hadn't happened to know that you'd said the same thing to Brackenbury five minutes before. About being the head of the family and all that sort of thing. You know, Ann, it _does_ make us look just a little bit ridiculous."

You assure me you have seen neither Brackenbury nor Ruth? I just wondered who was privileged to hear this "deuce's own tale" ... I can hardly ask you to believe it; but I do assure you that this is the solemn truth; those two men were seeking to convince themselves that I was _pretending_ to be ill in order to work on their susceptible emotions! They seem to have had the good taste to keep their little joke for home consumption, but you may be sure they made merry with Ruth and Kathleen about me... _Too_ merry, perhaps; I can only think it was conscience that made Ruth offer to pay for the operation. Or perhaps it was curiosity... I wonder what their feelings would have been if anything _had_ gone amiss...

No, I am thankful to say there was no hitch of any kind. The anæsthetic was administered, I heard that hammer, hammer, hammer--and then voices _very_ far away. It was all over! That was the preliminary examination. Then I was subjected to that too wonderful X-ray light and saw myself as a black skeleton with a misty-grey covering of flesh, one's wedding-ring standing out like a black bar round one's finger. _Too_ marvellous. I do _believe_ in this science...

But not so marvellous as what followed. Dr. Richardson congratulated me, and I had to beg for enlightenment.

"It will not be necessary," he said, "to operate after all. The symptoms are exactly as you described them, but a little treatment, principally massage..."

And that is why I am still here, though I hope to be allowed up on Friday. But lying in bed makes one so absurdly weak! What I have told you is for your ears alone. It would be altogether too much of a triumph for Spenworth. Instead of feeling any thankfulness that I had been spared the knife, he would only say... Well, you can imagine it even from the very imperfect sketch that I have given you. No, I am assured that massage makes the operation wholly unnecessary; and I am already feeling much, much better. If I have not taken the whole world into my confidence, it is partly because I detest this modern practice of discussing one's inside ("wearing one's stomach on one's sleeve," as Will rather naughtily describes it) and partly because I am altogether too humble-minded to fancy that the entire world is interested in my private affairs. When the princess asked "How did the operation go off?," I said "Excellently, thank you, ma'am." And that was what all the papers published. It was not worth while telling her that the operation was found to be unnecessary. I am not of those who feel obliged to trumpet forth that Mrs. Tom Noddy has left Gloucester Place for Eastbourne or Eastbourne for Gloucester Place. As Tennyson says, "Again--who wonders and who cares?"

At the same time--I loathe Americanisms and I do conscientiously try to express myself in what I may call the English of educated society; we do not seem to have any literary equivalent for "mentality," so I must ask you to pardon the neologism--will you, to _oblige_ me, try to imagine the "mentality" of Spenworth and Brackenbury? The sister-in-law of one, the sister of the other; _casting_ about in her resourceful mind to discover any means of softening their hard hearts; clapping hand to forehead; exclaiming "I have it!"; retiring to bed; summoning the relations; making frantic appeal; exacting death-bed promises...

Truly honestly, I don't think we have come to that yet...

And those two men have an hereditary right... Thank goodness, neither of them knows where the House of Lords _is_! There are moments when I feel _very_ nearly a radical...

But you agree that they are hardly the people I should wish to discuss my operation with. And whatever I have said to you has of course been said in confidence.

II

LADY ANN SPENWORTH REPUDIATES ALL RESPONSIBILITY

_Lady Ann_ (_to a friend of proved discretion_): But this is as delightful as it is unexpected! If we only have the carriage to ourselves... I often say that a first-class ticket is the merest snare and delusion; during the war it has exposed one to a new order--I've no doubt they are very _brave_ and so forth and so on, but that sort of thing ought to be kept for the trenches. One doesn't want to travel with it, one certainly doesn't want to live with it...

At least _I_ don't. There's no accounting for tastes, as my poor niece Phyllida has been shewing. You are going to Brackenbury, of course? Every one _does_ by this train. In the old days my father enjoyed the privilege of being able to stop every train that ran through Brackenbury station; he held property on both sides of the line and was a director for very many years. One said a word to the guard--they were a very civil lot of men--, and that was literally all. My brother has allowed that to lapse, like everything else; and you now have to come by the four-twenty or not at all.

I should have thought the Brackenbury parties were difficult enough without giving everybody a gratuitous two hours in the train to grow tired of everybody else. My sister-in-law Ruth has other qualities, no doubt, but she will not go down to history as one of the great English hostesses... It's not surprising, perhaps; but, if you're not born to that sort of thing, wouldn't you make an effort to _acquire_ it? There must be brains of _some_ kind in the family, or the father could never have made all that money. I always felt a certain responsibility about Ruth; Brackenbury _had_ to marry some one with a _little_ money, and, knowing the _sort_ of girl he'd fancy if I gave him half a chance... I was fourteen years older and knew something of poor Brackenbury's limitations; when I met Ruth Philpot and found that the money _did_ come from quite a respectable shipping firm in Hull, I said: "Marry her, my dear boy, before you have a chance of making a greater fool of yourself." And I told him I'd do what I could for her; little hints, you understand... I'm afraid poor Ruth was not a very apt pupil; and Brackenbury, who never had _any_ sense of his position, was a mere broken reed. "Assert yourself!," I used to say. "If _you_ don't absorb _her_, she'll absorb _you_." That is the only occasion on which I have ever interfered in matters of the heart, either to guide or check; I look at Ruth Brackenbury and say to myself: "Ann Spenworth, you have your lesson ever before you." I would not urge or hinder now, even with my own son. Phyllida may try to fix responsibility on me, but I repudiate it--entirely. In the present instance I feel that it is, once again, the sins of the parents... As I felt it my duty to tell them, there wouldn't have been a moment's trouble with Phyllida, if she had been brought up differently...

I? Goodness me, no! Many, many things will have to be unsaid before Brackenbury induces me to set foot in his house again. _You_ know whether I am the woman to stand on my dignity, but, when one's niece writes one letters in the third person... Indeed I know what I am talking about! "_Lady Phyllida Lyster presents her compliments to Lady Ann Spenworth and is not interested in any explanation that Lady Ann may think fit to put forward._" These are the manners of the war. From the very first I urged Brackenbury not to let her work in that hospital; _some_ one had to go, of _course_; I'm not so foolish as to think that a hospital would run itself without hands, but why Phyllida? And, goodness me, if they couldn't stop her, they might have made a few enquiries, exercised _some_ little control... Christine Malleson is very energetic and capable, no doubt, but you would hardly look for standards or traditions in _her_; however, she and my Lady Maitland and the rest seem able to carry people off their feet by sheer violence. Now Ruth and Brackenbury are paying for it. And, of course, poor Aunt Ann is to blame for everything. For the present I think it's best to leave them severely alone. One tries to do what seems to be one's duty; one puts up with a great many rebuffs; but in the end people must be left, in the homely old phrase, to stew in their own juice...

I'm really not sure how much is supposed to be known. Phyllida will no doubt tell you her side, simply as a means of attacking me. She works herself into such a state! I told Brackenbury that he ought to send her away for a complete change... I'm sick and tired of the whole thing; I'm _sure_ it contributed to my illness; but, if it is going to be discussed, you'd better hear the truth. The whole time she was working at the hospital, Phyllida did me the honour to make my house her own; and, if I questioned my own wisdom, it was because of Will. He would be home on leave from time to time; and, perhaps on account of a curious dream which I had about them at the time of my operation, I was not at all sure that I wanted to see the intimacy increasing; when he marries, it will have to be some one with a _little_ money, but I do not want to lose him yet and I cannot feel that Phyllida is very suitable... You can imagine, therefore, whether I should be likely to scheme or contrive to throw them into each other's arms; to _intrigue_ to get rivals out of the way... I have lost the thread.

Ah, yes! Phyllida! Now, I chose my words carefully: "making my house her own," not "staying in my charge." When I went into the nursing-home, I _tackled_ Brackenbury...

"Please understand," I said, "that I accept no responsibility. The child goes to and from the hospital _when_ she likes, _how_ she likes. I know nothing of the people with whom she associates there; and, if you like the idea of her coming in at all hours from theatres and dances, I suppose it's all right. But I can't stop her," I said; "I feel it my duty to tell you I can't stop her."

Brackenbury made some foolish rejoinder about Phyllida's head being screwed on tight or her heart being in the right place. (In that family they _express_ themselves so uncouthly. Goodness me, one need not be a blue-stocking to realize that English _has_ a certain dignity.) She was only doing what every other girl did, he said... I'm as democratic as any one, but I wondered what our _father_ would have said to the doctrine that his daughter might do a thing simply because everybody else was doing it...

You know this Colonel Butler, perhaps? (It's only brevet-rank; if he stays on in the army, he reverts to full lieutenant only.) I'll confess at once that I liked him. When he was convalescent, Phyllida brought him to luncheon one day in Mount Street, and I thought him a decent, manly young fellow. I understand he comes from the west of England; and that, perhaps, accounts for the accent which I thought I detected; or, of course, he may simply have been not altogether at ease. (When I commented on it afterwards to Phyllida, she insisted that he was very badly shaken by his wound and the three operations... I think that was the first time I suspected anything; she championed him so very warmly.) I liked him--frankly. Some one quite early in the war said something about "temporary officers" and "temporary gentlemen"--it was very naughty, but so true!--; I said to my boy Will, when Colonel Butler was gone:

"If they were all like _him_, the army might be proud of them."

"All I've met _are_ like him," said Phyllida, "only of course not so much so."

I was struggling to find a meaning--Phyllida expresses herself almost as carelessly as her poor mother, but with hardly her mother's excuse--, when she began to pour out a catalogue of his virtues: he had won a Military Cross and a Distinguished Service Order with a bar, he was the youngest colonel in the army, I don't know what else.

"Who are his people?," I asked.

A name like Butler is so very misleading; it may be all right--or it may not.

"I _really_ don't know," said Phyllida, "and, what's more, I don't care..."

She was prattling away, but I thought it time to make one or two enquiries. I remember saying to poor Ruth--I forget in what connection; life is one long succession of these needless, irritating little encounters--I remember saying that Phyllida was in the position of a girl with no mother. It's not that Ruth and Brackenbury aren't _fond_ of her, but they take no trouble... I asked what our young paragon's regiment was, and you'll hardly believe me if I tell you that it was one I had never heard of. Will knew, of course, but then, on the staff, these things are brought to your notice...

"And what is he in civil life?," I asked.

Phyllida didn't know. His father, I think she told me, was a surveyor, and she presumed that he intended to be a surveyor too. And an excellent profession, I should imagine, with the big estates being broken up and the properties changing hands everywhere. Brackenbury had an offer for the Hall--some wealthy contractor... I couldn't help smiling to think how our father would have dealt with him. Brackenbury let him off far too lightly, I thought, and tried to justify himself to me by saying that it was a very tempting offer... As if _they_ needed money...

I had made up my mind at the outset to do nothing precipitate. The war has made girls quite dangerously romantic, and any opposition might have created--artificially--a most undesirable attachment. I knew that Phyllida had these young officers through her hands in dozens; and, though I was naturally anxious, I knew that in a few weeks or months our paragon would be back in Flanders or Devonshire--out of Christine Malleson's hospital, at all events. I commended my spirit, so to say...

He came to call--Colonel Butler did. I so little expected him--or any one else, for that matter; the war _has_ done that for us--that I'd given no orders, and he was shewn up. Norden--you remember him? They took him for the army, though I wrote a personal letter to the War Office... A man with varicose veins and three small children... Norden would have known better, but I'd no one but maids, who don't _know_ and don't _care_... Colonel Butler was shewn up, still not quite at ease, and I made myself as gracious as possible. D'you know, I thought it quite dear of him? His mother had told him that he must always call at any house where he'd had a meal--even luncheon, apparently, in war-time; as Will said, when I told him, I'm glad there aren't many wild mothers like that, roaming at large... He sat and talked--quite intelligently; I want to give him his due--; I rang for tea... He hadn't learned the art of _going_... We got on famously until he began speaking of Phyllida; the first time it was "your niece," then almost at once "Phyllida." I said "_Lady_ Phyllida"--I must have said it three times, but he was quite impervious. Then Phyllida came in and openly called him "Hilary." ... They were dining together, it seemed, and going to a play. I try to conceal my palæolithic remains in dealing with Phyllida, but I _did_ say "By yourselves?" Oh, yes, the most natural thing in the world... I reminded her that Will was home on leave, but the hint was not taken. Off they went...

If I were not very fond of Phyllida, I shouldn't take so much trouble about her... And I always have to remember that Ruth is too busy painting and powdering ever to think of her own daughter. I suppose she feels that her looks are the only thing that keeps Brackenbury enslaved... What was I saying? Oh, about poor Phyllida. It is to _my_ credit that I insisted on a proper settlement when Brackenbury was mooning about like a love-sick boy; she has four thousand when she's of age and she'll have another three when the parents die--enough, you will agree, to tempt some men. I happened to mention at dinner that this Colonel Butler had called, and Will became greatly concerned. It was quite disinterested, because I have always felt that, if he ever dropped the handkerchief, I could make a good guess who would pick it up. Will quite clearly thought, with me, that Colonel Butler was in earnest and that poor Phyllida was slipping into his toils...

An opportunity came to me two or three days before my operation. Phyllida--she was quite brazen about it--admitted that she had dined with her hero four times in one week. That was on a Saturday; I'm glad to say that she hasn't become democratic enough to go to these picture-houses, and there was nothing to do on Sunday. I told her she might ask Colonel Butler to dine with us. And, when he came, I took occasion to speak rather freely to him.

"I can't help seeing," I said, "that you are very intimate with my niece."

"Oh, I'm devoted to Phyllida," he answered.

"_Then_," I said, "you'd cut your hand off before you did anything to make people talk about her."

And then I rehearsed these dinners and plays...

"It's not my business," I said. "Phyllida regards me as a lodging-house keeper, but, if your intentions are honourable, I think you should make them known to my brother, Lord Brackenbury." ..

Well, then he became nervous and sentimental. He wouldn't compromise Phyllida for the world; he'd every intention of speaking to Brackenbury when the time came, but as long as he was living on his pay and the war went on... _You_ can imagine it. He was quite sincere. I told you I liked him; the only thing was that I didn't think him quite suitable for Phyllida. Upbringing, _milieu_... He was no fool; I felt he'd see it for himself before he'd been at the Hall half an hour...

To cut a long story short, I made him promise to hold no more communication with the child until he'd seen Brackenbury; and I told my brother to invite him there for a weekend. I didn't see very much of what happened, as I left the young people to themselves; but Will entirely bore out the vague, intangible feeling... Poor Colonel Butler _wasn't_ at home; he made my boy's life a burden for days beforehand, asking what clothes he should take, and, when they were there, it was "I've been away so much that I don't know what the tariff is since the war: if I give ten shillings to the man who looks after me, how much ought I to give the butler?" ... Things I should have thought a man knew without asking. Will was really rather naughty about it...

Brackenbury didn't see anything amiss. One's standard changes when one has done that sort of thing oneself. As I always said, "If you don't absorb her, she'll absorb you." And so it's proved. Ruth, of course, saw only the _romance_ of it all. Goodness me, unless we're all twins, _some_ one has to be the youngest colonel in the army... I don't know what people mean nowadays, when they talk about "romance." .. Brackenbury and the whole family made the absurdest fuss--well, I won't say that, because I liked young Butler; they made a great fuss. Even my nephew Culroyd, who's in the Coldstream, was quite affable; "eating out of his hand" was Will's phrase. _So_ descriptive, I thought; Will has an extraordinary knack of hitting people off...

None of them seemed to think of the money side at all. Brackenbury was always improvident as a boy; but, until you've felt the pinch as Will and I have done, you don't learn anything about values. Four thousand a year _sounds_ very pleasant, but if it's now only equal to _two_... And Phyllida has always lived up to anything she's had. "I want it, therefore I must have it" has been her rule. Clothes, trinkets, little treats... She has four horses, eating their heads off, while my poor Will says he stands hat in hand before any one who'll mount him. And her own little car... I know a brick wall when I see one; it was no use asking Phyllida whether she thought she could afford a husband as well as everything else. And a family; one has to look ahead... Colonel Butler wouldn't be earning anything for years.

He told me so. I liked him more and more, because he was so simple and straightforward. After luncheon on the Saturday, we had a long talk together. I think I said I'd shew him the house. As you know, I yield to no one in my love for the dear old Hall, but Colonel Butler was like a child. You'd have said he'd never been inside a big house before; I don't believe he ever had... I took him everywhere, even Phyllida's rooms; it was well for him to _see_, I felt...

I remember he thanked me for having him invited to the Hall; from his tone you'd have said I was playing fairy god-mother, and he credited _me_ with the very friendly reception that every one had given him. If the truth must be known--I wasn't taking sides; you must understand that!--I wanted _them_ to see and I wanted _him_ to see... As Will once said, "Half the world doesn't know how the other half lives." _I_ felt that, when Colonel Butler stood there, everything sinking in. A man, I suppose, always is rather bewildered at the number of things a girl requires--frocks, gloves, hats, shoes, stockings... You mustn't think that I shewed him Phyllida's wardrobe! Goodness me, no! But her maid was in the room, getting things ready for the child's return from hunting. It was almost pathetic; one could fancy the poor young man counting on his fingers and saying: "She _must_ have as good a room as this, she'll want to keep on her present maid, I don't suppose she can even prepare a bath for herself or fasten her dress or brush her hair..." But it's better for that kind of thing to sink in at the beginning... Wherever I took him, he seemed to be saying: "You can't do this sort of thing without _so_ many servants, _so_ much a year." .. Will told me that the first night at dinner... But I'm afraid Will's naughty sometimes...

He thanked me--Colonel Butler did--in a way that suggested I hadn't shewn him _only_ the house.

"But I've enjoyed it," I said. "I'm only sorry you weren't able to go out with the rest."