Chapter IV: A Cruise in the Mountains----El Cafetal.1 (2)

"During my confinement, old Jacob Munroe, the storekeeper at Montego bay, called to see me, and get his account settled. He brought a handsome clergyman-looking man with him, dressed in black--ah, you may leave that out--he will guess as much, if I tell him he was a clerical-looking person--whom he introduced to me as _Mister_ Lennox, and who had arrived in one of the Cuba smugglers some days before. Judge my surprise when this young gentleman told me, with all the appearance of truth, that he had been a corporal of marines on board the Gazelle, although old Jacob called him at first an _officer_ of marines, forgetting to say whether _commissioned_ or not, and had actually been with you in the Midge--how could you trust yourself in such a mussel-shell?--until he had, through the interest of his friends at home, obtained his discharge.

"He told me the whole story of your being wounded, and taken into a Frenchman's house, and being desperately in love with some young American lady--but you know, Benjie, I don't like Americans--a Yankee girl, forsooth!--put the Yankee girl in a parenthesis--and a variety of other entertaining anecdotes, which made my heart yearn towards the only son of my dear sister Jane, although you have had the misfortune to have a Scotchman to your father--but, poor boy, he can't help that; so, Timothy, out with all about the Scotchman--he was born in Ireland, anyhow--for I am getting old now, Benjamin; and although rich enough, I begin to feel desolate and lonely, being without chick or child to comfort me, excepting some yellowhammers--no, not you, Timothy--so write away, my good lad--that claim a sort of left-handed interest in me here. But I have been kind to them, and no doubt must answer for the sins of my youth; but they are not just the sort of representatives one would wish to leave behind them; although, indeed, if this blessed state of things goes on at the pace it is doing at home, we may see a woolly-headed Lord Chancellor shortly--I hope he will have a civil tongue in his head--and a flat-nosed dingy-skinned Speaker of the honourable House.

"However, so far as I see, that will be a while yet; and, in the mean time, I want you to give up old Peter, if you can do so honourably, and pin your faith on me. But as I am a reasonable man, and may not like you after all, when I do see you, I think it but fair to send you the enclosed notarial copy of a bond in your favour for L.10,000 sterling as a sort of compensation for the measure I recommend, _if you take it_; but which expresses in the body of it, as you see, that it is only to become onerous on me, when you arrive in my house here, after having made your election, as aforesaid. Now, Benjie, dear, if you are conscious that you are a gentlemanlike, pleasant, honourable young fellow, who can ride a bit, and shoot, and drink a bottle of claret now and then--alas! there are no foxhounds here--foxhounds in a parenthesis again, Tim--come to me and change your ploughshare into a pruning-hook--no, that's not it--your ploughshare into a billhook--no, and that's not it neither--your bill-hook into a pruning-hook--bah! botheration!--if you are all that I ask you, and what my nephew _ought to be_ by descent, and be d----d to him--if, in one word, _you are a gentleman_--come to me, man--come and comfort the poor, desolate, old fellow, who is pining in his helpless days for the want of something to love; and who, since he made up his mind to write for you, is every moment grappling you to his Irish heart, in joyous anticipation, with hooks of steel. Write me immediately, and follow yourself as soon as you can--or you may follow yourself first, if equally convenient, and let your letter come after--and enclosed you have also a draft on Mr M---- for 1000 dollars as earnest, and to clear you at Havanna.

"Regards to Sir Oliver, who will by this time--no, write that time--_that_ is, by the time when he will get this--be with you, and to young Donovan--a prime boy that same Donovan would make, with a little training, as ever carried a shamrock in his hat-band, or a shillelah in his fist--and old Sprawl, I love the rum-looking, warm-hearted creature, because he likes you--what shall I ever dislike that you love, Benjie?--so, believe me, your attached uncle,

"LATHOM FRENCHE.

"P.S.--The post is just going off to Montego bay, so I have no time to have this corrected; nor, indeed, could I read it over if I had, as I have mislaid my spectacles--so excuse blunders."

Here was a new vista opening up with a vengeance--so, after having read over the letter repeatedly, I determined to submit it at once to Mr Hudson, whom I knew to be a clear-headed man, notwithstanding his guessings and calculations, and friendly withal. He thought the advice given sound.

"And as a proof of it," said he, "if my son were in your position, and had such an offer made to him, I would not hesitate a moment in recommending him to accept it. Indeed, you are in a great measure in duty bound to obey a kinsman, who, by your own account, has been so kind to you; and who can be of such essential service to you, especially when he counsels you so reasonably."

I will not conceal that many a fond hope fluttered about my heart, as I reflected what this new state of things might bring about; and that very morning I struck while the iron was hot, and, like a very wise person, took Miss Helen Hudson, of all people on earth, to my councils, and asked _her_ advice, forsooth.

"Helen, what would _you advise_ me to do?"

"Benjamin, I cannot _advise_--I am a simple girl--but whatever you may do, or wherever you may be--heaven knows"--her voice faltered--"heaven knows your happiness will always be," &c. &c. &c. So she burst into tears, and I caught her in my arms, and--oh Lord, what a devil of a bother this same love is!

"Now, Helen," said I, "let us compose ourselves--I am as yet in a manner unknown to you; but to convince you that I am an honourable man, all that I ask is, that you shall hold this engagement sacred, until I can communicate with my uncle. If I find my prospects as satisfactory as I expect, I will immediately return, and throw myself at your feet; if I do not, I do not say that I will not still prefer my suit; _but you shall not be bound by your promise_. So my Helen, now."

"Yes," said the darling girl, as she rose, smiling through her tears like--oh, all ye gods, for a simile! but never mind--from the sofa where we had been sitting--"yes; _your_ Helen now, Benjamin."

"Heyday," quoth Mrs Hudson, as she entered the room; "here's a scene. Why, Helen, you have been weeping, I see--and Mr Brail!--Now what is wrong? Tell me, dearest?"

"Oh, not now, mother--not now. Come with me--come, and I will tell you all."

And as they passed towards the door, who should stumble in upon us but Monsieur Listado.

"Good-morning, Mrs Hudson--good-morning. Halloo--and is it off they are, without so much as a bow, or--Brail, what is the meaning of all this?--Miss Hudson is weeping, as I am a gentleman. You cannot have been uncivil to her--it is impossible. But, Benjamin Brail, much as I esteem you, if I thought"----

"Out of my way, you troublesome blockhead," said I, in the hurry and confusion of the moment; and I brushed past him and fled to my own room, with the most comical mixture of feelings possible. It was full half an hour before I could control them, and recover my composure; and I had just begun to subside into my everyday character, when I received a message from Mr Hudson, to whom his wife had communicated all that had passed between his daughter and me. I never can forget the anxiety I felt to construe the expression of his face, when I first entered the room. It was favourable, heaven be thanked.

"Mr Brail, I know what has passed between you and Helen,"--oh Lord, thought I--"I would have been better pleased, had you explained yourself either to Mrs Hudson or me, before matters had gone so far; but this cannot be helped now."--He paused a good while. "From what I know of you, Mr Brail, I have more confidence in you, I rejoice to say, than I ever had before in any young man I have known for so short a period." I bowed. "And your very prudent proposals to my daughter argue you possessed of sound discretion." Beyond my hopes, thought I. "So I calculate you had better let me see that same letter of your uncle's again that I read before; and we will also take a look at the bond."

Here shone out the Yankee; but he was using no more than common circumspection, in a matter involving his daughter's happiness so largely. Both were submitted to him, and on the morrow we were to hold a grand palaver on the subject. He had left me, and I had just dressed for dinner, when a gentle tap was heard, and an officer of the American frigate presented himself with a grave face at the door.

"Beg pardon, Mr Brail; I am sorry our friend Listado should have pressed me into the service in this matter; but I pray you to believe that I shall be most happy, if I can be instrumental in making up the quarrel, without resorting to extreme measures."

"Here's a coil," thought I. "Mr Listado! a quarrel! I have no quarrel with Mr Listado that I am aware of."

"My dear sir, I am afraid he thinks otherwise. Here is his letter," said the American, handing it to me.

"Let me see," I opened it.

"SIR--I am as little given to take unnecessary offence as any man; but as I have good reason to believe, from what I saw, that you have affronted Miss Hudson; and as I am _quite_ certain you have slighted me, I request you will either apologize to her and myself"--(her and myself, indeed, interjected I)--"or give me a meeting to-morrow morning, at any hour most convenient for you, that does not interfere with breakfast.--I remain, your humble servant,

"LAURENCE LISTADO."

"Now, Mr Crawford," said I, "this is a mighty ridiculous affair altogether. I am not aware, as I said before, of having given Listado any offence; and what he can mean by attempting to fasten this very unnecessary quarrel on me, I cannot for the life of me divine."

"So far as his own injuries are concerned," said Crawford, "I am authorized to say, that he perceived you were confused at the time, and did not well know, apparently, what you were about; so he makes no account of your conduct to himself; but the affront to Miss Hudson "--

Here William Hudson entered with a knowing face; and on being informed what had happened, he burst into a long fit of laughter. Crawford looked aghast, and was beginning to get angry, just as Hudson found his tongue.

"Now, Crawford, back out of this absurd affair altogether; why, surely _I_ am the man to take up my sister's quarrel, if quarrel there must be."

"I'll be d----d if you or any man shall take up her quarrel, now since I have made it mine," quoth Listado, swinging suddenly into the room.

"What brings _you_ here, in the name of all that is absurd?" said Hudson.

"Why, William, I was thinking that the loud laughing possibly portended some fresh insult; at any rate, from the time Crawford was taking to fix matters, I began to fear that the quarrel might miss fire after all."

"Be quiet now, Listado," said Hudson, still scarcely able to speak; "who ever saw a matter of this kind managed by the principals. I am Brail's second; leave me to deal with Crawford."

"Well, Brail," quoth Listado, addressing _me direct_, to my great surprise, "let you and I sit down here, until our friends there fix when and where we may shoot each other comfortably;" and he hauled me away by the button-hole as familiarly as ever.

The two lieutenants walked to the other end of the room, where Crawford's face soon became "as joyous as Hudson's had been; and both of them had to turn their backs on us, and apply their handkerchiefs to their mouths to conceal their laughter. At length they mustered sufficient command of feature to turn towards us, and approach; but every now and then there was a sudden involuntary jerk of Hudson's shoulders, and a lifting of his eyebrows, and a compression of his lips, that showed how difficult it was for him to refrain from a regular explosion.

"If I understand you rightly," began Crawford, slowly and sedately addressing his principal, "you do not press for an apology on account of any slight to yourself in this matter, whether intentional or not on the part of Mr Brail?"

"Certainly not--by no manner of means--I have a great regard for him, and I am convinced he intended none. I perceived he had been pushed off his balance, some how or other, and I can allow for it."

"Spoken like a reasonable being, and a right good fellow. Then, as I take it," continued the American lieutenant, "the whole quarrel depends on this: Mr Brail has, _according to your belief, affronted Miss Hudson_; he must therefore either apologize for what he said or did to her, or turn out with you?"

"Do you know, Crawford," said our friend, rubbing his hands, "you are a devilish clever fellow; you have hit it to a nicety, upon my honour."

"Well, now," quoth Crawford, turning to me, "will you, Mr Brail, to save further bother, make this apology to Mr Listado?"

"No," said I, deliberately, and with a strong emphasis.

"That's right, Benjie," quoth Listado, fidgetting with delight, as if the certainty of the quarrel was now put beyond all doubt. "Didn't I tell you that he would make no apology? Now, mind you, don't interfere with the breakfast hour to-morrow, Crawford, as I am invited to come here."

Hudson could stand it no longer.--"I'll tell you what, my dear Listado, I have my sister's, Miss Helen Hudson's, commands, that nothing more be done in this matter; and farther, that so far from Mr Brail having affronted her, he really paid her the most profound compliment that a gentleman can pay to a lady."

"As how, so please you?" quoth Listado, with a most vinegar grin, although deucedly puzzled at the same time; "a lady don't weep at a compliment usually."

"In plain English, then, Laurence, Mr Brail had just, as you entered, asked my sister to--_to marry him_."

Listado's face altered--his jaw fell--"_Marry him_! I thought so; why, this is worse and worse. Now, I will pink him, by Jupiter! Marry _him_, indeed! While Laurence Listado lives she shall be _compelled_ to do no such thing. I am a man of some fortune, and, as you all know, I am desperately in love with her myself; so fix time and place, and damn the hour of breakfast now entirely. I will shoot him--any time--now--across that table. Oh Brail! you incomparable hyp"----

"Hush! hush!" said Hudson, clapping his hand on Listado's mouth; "hush! he has not only had the insolence to ask her to marry him--[here Listado clenched his hand, bit his lip, and gave three or four tremendous strides to the other end of the room]--not only has he asked her to marry him, but--_but he has been accepted_!"

Poor Laurence faced right round. "Say so again, and----Poo, Hudson, you are jesting with me; but here comes Mrs Hudson. Madam, has Mr Brail had the audacity to ask your daughter in marriage? And has she had the egregious folly to accept him in preference to your servant, and her humble admirer, Laurence Listado?"

Mrs Hudson looked at me, and then at her son, and then at me again--as much as to say--"very indelicate conduct this, on _your part_, at any rate"--at length, "Mr Brail, I am thunderstruck--how came my daughter to have been made the subject of a brawl?--was this"----

"My dear mother," chimed in her son--"it is all a mistake--Brail is not to blame, and no more is Listado--say, has Helen Hudson accepted Brail, or has she not?"

"She certainly has accepted him--_on conditions_."

Listado's eyes, during this colloquy, were riveted on Mrs Hudson's face. When she uttered these words, he slowly turned them on me, and while the tears hopped over his cheek, he advanced, and took my hand.

"Brail, I wish you joy--from my soul, I do--even although I--curse it, never mind--but, man, could you not take Sophie Duquesné?--yet--even at the eleventh hour, Benjamin?--it would mightily oblige me, do you know."

I smiled.

"Well, well, I have been a fool; and I have ill-used you, Brail, but I am sorry for it--so, God bless you, my dear boy--you are a fortunate fellow"--and thereupon, he ran out of the room, without saying good-by to any one.

Next morning, I had a visit from him, before I got out of my bed. He came into my room with a most ludicrous, serio-comic expression of countenance, and drawing a long sigh, sat down on a chair by my bedside without uttering a word.

As I had not forgotten his strange conduct the day before, I thought I would let him have his own way, and leave him to break ground first. He sat still about a minute longer, and then clasping his hands together, with his Barcelona most pathetically sticking out between his fingers--he turned round, and looked at me with his great prominent goggle eyes.

"Do I look as if I had been weeping, Benjamin--are my eyes bloodshot?"

"They are certainly inflamed," said I, rather shortly.

"Ah," said he, in a small, dolorous whine--"I knew it, Benjie--my heart is as soft this morning as a waxy potato. I was a great big fool last evening, Brail, and I don't think I am much wiser to-day, and all for a little, hook-nosed, dumpy woman. Do you know, I took the affair so deeply to heart, that I went home, and drank three bottles of claret _solus_, and afterwards topped off with hot brandy grog?"--(a very sufficing reason for your bloodshot eyes, thought I),--"and I believe I will go hang myself."

"Poo, poo--hang cats and blind puppies, man," said I. "Come, come, now, Listado--you are not here to renew our quarrel, or rather _your_ quarrel, for I declare I have none with you--but why bring Miss Hudson on the carpet again? She did not deceive you, Listado--you know she never gave you any encouragement."

"_She did not deceive me_, certainly; but did she not persave that I admired her; _so why did she allow me to deceive myself_?"

I laughed outright--"Come, man, you are expecting too much at the hands of a young lady, who of course is accustomed to admiration. She was not aware you entertained any very tender regard for her; why, it was only three days ago at breakfast that you broke off in the middle of a beautiful compliment to her eyebrow--the worst feature in her face, by the way--to ask for a plate of broiled ham and eggs. You may rest assured, my dear Listado, that Miss Hudson never dreamed you were in love with her--and, in sober earnest, are you so, now?--come, out with it."

He looked at me, with the strangest twinkle of his eye, then slewing his head from side to side, he twitched up one corner of his mouth, as he said--"Will you, or will you not, take Sophie Duquesné, Brail?--Lord, man, she is the finer woman of the two, and surely you have known neither of the girls long enough to have any peculiar preference."

The idea of my _swopping_ my betrothed wife, as one would do a horse, merely, forsooth, to oblige him, was exceedingly entertaining.

"Really, Listado, you are a most curious animal--I have told you No--and I reiterate, No."

"Well then, Brail, may the devil fly away with you and your dearie both, for, since you must know, I was not in love after all--I am sure I was not, although I confess being at one time very near it--so all happiness to you, my darling. Do you know, Benjie, that I have been quizzing you all this while?"

I did not know it, nor did I believe it, but, by way of letting him down gently, I said nothing; and that very day, I took an affectionate leave of my excellent old friend Sir Oliver, who was that day to drop down under the Moro, preparatory to sailing; of my worthy cousin Dick Lanyard, Mr Sprawl, and the other Gazelles and Midges, who had been kind to me; and next morning I secured my passage in a Kingston trader, that was to sail for Jamaica that day week.