Chapter XIX: Part 19

Put a peece of lead into one of the nether lids of your eie, as big as a tag of a point, but not so long (which you may doo without danger) and with a little juggling sticke (one end therof being hollow) seeme to thrust the like peece of lead under the other eie lid; but conveie the same in deed into the hollownes of the sticke, the stopple or peg whereof may be privilie kept in your hand untill this feate be doone. Then seeme to drive the said peece of lead, with the hollow end of the said sticke, from the same eie: and so with the end of the said sticke, being brought along upon your forhead to the other eie, you maie thrust out the peece of lead, which before you had put thereinto; to the admiration of the beholders. ¶ Some eat the lead, and then shoove it out at the eie: and some put it into both, but the first is best.

_To cut halfe your nose asunder, and to heale it againe presentlie
without anie salve._

Take a knife having a round hollow gap in the middle, and laie it upon your nose, and so shall you seeme to have cut your nose halfe asunder. Provided alwaies, that in all these you have an other like knife without a gap, to be shewed upon the pulling out of the same, and words of inchantment to speake, bloud also to beeraie the wound, and nimble conveiance.

♦This is easilie doone, howbeit being clenlie handled it will deceive the sight of the beholders.♦

_To put a ring through your cheeke._

There is an other old knacke, which seemeth dangerous to the cheeke. For the accomplishing whereof you must have two rings, of like colour and quantitie; the one filed asunder, so as you may thrust it upon your cheeke; the other must be whole, and conveied upon a sticke, holding your hand thereupon in the middle of the sticke, delivering each end of the same sticke to be holden fast by a stander by. Then conveieng the same cleanlie into your hand, or (for lacke of good conveiance) into your lap or pocket, pull awaie your hand from the sticke: and in pulling it awaie, whirle about the ring, and so will it be thought that you have put thereon the ring which was in your cheeke.

_To cut off ones head, and to laie it in a platter, &c: which the
jugglers call the decollation of John Baptist._

To shew a most notable execution by this art, you must cause a boord, a cloth, and a platter to be purposelie made, and in each of them holes fit for a boies necke. The boord must be made of two planks, the longer and broader the better: there must be left within halfe a yard of the end of each planke halfe a hole; so as both planks being thrust togither, there may remaine two holes, like to the holes in a paire of stocks: there must be made likewise a hole in the tablecloth or carpet. A platter also must be set directlie over or upon one of them, having a hole in the midle thereof, of the like quantitie, and also a peece cut out of the same, so big as his necke, through which his head may be conveied into the middest of the platter: and then sitting or kneeling under the boord, let the head onlie remaine upon the boord in the same. Then (to make the sight more dredfull) put a little brimstone into a chafing dish of coles, setting it before the head of the boie, who must gaspe two or three times, so as the smoke enter a little into his nostrils and mouth (which is not unholsome) and the head presentlie will appeare starke dead; if the boie set his countenance accordinglie: and if a little bloud be sprinkled on his face, the sight will be the stranger.

♦This was doone by one Kingsfield of London, at a Bartholomewtide, An. 1582. in the sight of diverse that came to view this spectacle.♦

This is commonlie practised with a boie instructed for that purpose, who being familiar and conversant with the companie, may be knowne as well by his face, as by his apparell. In the other end of the table, where the like hole is made, an other boie of the bignesse of the knowne boie must be placed, having upon him his usuall apparell: he must leane or lie upon the boord, and must put his head under the boord through the said hole, so as his bodie shall seeme to lie on the one end of the boord, and his head shall lie in a platter on the other end. ¶ There are other things which might be performed in this action, the more to astonish the beholders, which because they offer long descriptions, I omit: as to put about his necke a little dough kneded with bullocks bloud, which being cold will appeare like dead flesh; & being pricked with a sharpe round hollow quill, will bleed, and seeme verie strange, &c. ¶ Manie rules are to be observed herein, as to have the table cloth so long and wide as it may almost touch the ground. ¶ Not to suffer the companie to staie too long in the place, &c.

♦Necessarie observations to astonish the beholders.♦

_To thrust a dagger or bodkin into your guts verie strangelie, and
to recover immediatlie._

An other miracle may be shewed touching counterfet executions; namelie, that with a bodkin or a dagger you shall seeme to kill your selfe, or at the least make an unrecoverable wound in your bellie: as (in truth) not long since a juggler caused himself to be killed at a taverne in cheapside, from whence he presentlie went into Powles churchyard and died. Which misfortune fell upon him through his owne follie, as being then drunken, and having forgotten his plate, which he should have had for his defense. The devise is this. ¶ You must prepare a paste boord, to be made according to the fashion of your bellie and brest: the same must by a painter be coloured cunninglie, not onelie like to your flesh, but with pappes, navill, haire, &c: so as the same (being handsomelie trussed unto you) may shew to be your naturall bellie. Then next to your true bellie you may put a linnen cloth, and thereupon a double plate (which the juggler that killed himselfe forgot, or wilfullie omitted) over and upon the which you may place the false bellie. Provided alwaies, that betwixt the plate & the false bellie you place a gut or bladder of bloud, which bloud must be of a calfe or of a sheepe; but in no wise of an oxe or a cow, for that will be too thicke. Then thrust, or cause to be thrust into your brest a round bodkin, or the point of a dagger, so far as it may pearse through your gut or bladder: which being pulled out againe, the said bloud will spin or spirt out a good distance from you, especiallie if you straine your bodie to swell, and thrust therewith against the plate. You must ever remember to use (with words, countenance, and gesture) such a grace, as may give a grace to the action, and moove admiration in the beholders.

♦Of a juggler that failing in the feats of his art lost his life.♦

♦But herein see you be circumspect.♦

_To drawe a cord through your nose, mouth or hand, so sensiblie
as is woonderful to see._

There is an other juggling knacke, which they call the bridle, being made of two elder sticks, through the hollownes therof is placed a cord, the same being put on the nose like a paire of tongs or pinsars; and the cord, which goeth round about the same, being drawne to and fro, the beholders will thinke the cord to go through your nose verie dangerouslie. The knots at the end of the cord, which doo staie the same from being drawne out of the sticke, may not be put out at the verie top (for that must be stopped up) but halfe an inch beneath each end: and so I saie, when it is pulled, it will seeme to passe through the nose; and then may you take a knife, and seeme to cut the cord asunder, and pull the bridle from your nose.

♦A forme or patterne of this bridle you shall see described if you turne over a few leaues.♦

_The conclusion, wherin the reader is referred to certeine patterns
of instruments wherewith diverse feats heere specified
are to be executed._

Herein I might wade infinitelie, but I hope it sufficeth, that I have delivered unto you the principles, and also the principall feats belonging to this art of juggling; so as any man conceiving throughlie hereof may not onlie doo all these things, but also may devise other as strange, & varie everie of these devises into other formes as he can best conceive. And so long as the power of almightie God is not transposed to the juggler, nor offense ministred by his uncomlie speach and behaviour, but the action performed in pastime, to the delight of the beholders, so as alwaies the juggler confesse in the end that these are no supernaturall actions, but devises of men, and nimble conveiances, let all such curious conceipted men as cannot affoord their neighbors anie comfort or commoditie, but such as pleaseth their melancholike dispositions say what they list, for this will not onelie be found among indifferent actions, but such as greatlie advance the power and glorie of God, discovering their pride and falshood that take upon them to worke miracles, and to be the mightie power of God, as _Jannes_ and _Jambres_ and also _Simon Magus_ did.

♦Among what actions juggling is to be counted.♦

If anie man doubt of these things, as whether they be not as strange to behold as I have reported, or thinke with _Bodin_ that these matters are performed by familiars or divels; let him go into S. Martins, and inquire for one _John Cautares_ (a French man by birth, in conversation an honest man) and he will shew as much and as strange actions as these, who getteth not his living hereby, but laboureth for the same with the sweat of his browes, and neverthelesse hath the best hand and conveiance (I thinke) of anie man that liveth this daie.

♦A matchles fellowe for legierdemaine.♦

Neither doo I speake (as they saie) without booke herein. For if time, place, and occasion serve, I can shew so much herein, as I am sure _Bodin_, _Spinæus_, and _Vairus_, would sweare I were a witch, and had a familiar divell at commandement. But truelie my studie and travell herein hath onelie beene emploied to the end I might proove them fooles, and find out the fraud of them that make them fooles, as whereby they may become wiser, and God may have that which to him belongeth.

And bicause the maner of these juggling conveiances are not easilie conceived by discourse of words; I have caused to be set downe diverse formes of instruments used in this art; which may serve for patternes to them that would throughlie see the secrets thereof, and make them for their owne private practises, to trie the event of such devises, as in this tract of legierdemaine are shewed. Where note, that you shall find everie instrument that is most necessarilie occupied in the working of these strange feats, to beare the just and true number of the page, where the use thereof is in ample words declared.

♦Touching the patternes of diverse juggling instruments.♦

Now will I proceed with another cousening point of witchcraft, apt for the place, necessarie for the time, and in mine opinion meet to be discovered, or at the least to be defaced among deceitfull arts. And bicause manie are abused heereby to their utter undooing, for that it hath had passage under the protection of learning, wherby they pretend to accomplish their works, it hath gone freelie without generall controlment through all ages, nations & people.

_Heere follow patternes of certeine instru[*]ments to be used
in the former juggling knacks._

♦[*] [Hence Rom.]♦

♦To draw a cord thorough your nose, mouth or hand, which is called the bridle.♦ ]

To be instructed in the right use of the said beadstones, read page 337. and 338. As for the bridle, read page 351.

[These four pages of engravings are unpaged in the first and second
editions. The references are to the first edition pagings.]

_To thrust a bodkin into your head, and through your toong, &c._

To be instructed and taught in the right use and readie practise of these bodkins, read pag. 347.

_To thrust a knife through your arme, and to cut halfe your nose
asunder, &c._

To be readie in the use and perfect in the practise of these knives here portraied, see page 347. and 348.

_To cut off ones head, and to laie it in a platter, which the
jugglers call the decollation of John Baptist._

♦The order of the action, as it is to be shewed.♦ ]

What order is to be observed for the practising heereof with great admiration, read page 349, 350.

¶ _The xiiii. Booke._

The first Chapter.

_Of the art of Alcumystrie, of their woords of art and devises to
bleare mens eies, and to procure credit to their profession._

Here I thought it not impertinent to saie somewhat of the art or rather the craft of Alcumystrie, otherwise called Multiplication; which _Chaucer_, of all other men, most livelie deciphereth. In the bowels herof dooth both witchcraft and conjuration lie hidden, as whereby some cousen others, and some are cousened themselves. For by this mysterie (as it is said in the chanons mans prolog)

♦Alcumystrie a craft, not an art.♦

_They take upon them to turne upside downe,
All the earth betwixt Southwarke & Canturburie towne,
And to pave it all of silver and gold, &c.
But ever they lacke of their conclusion,
And to much folke they doo illusion.
For their stuffe slides awaie so fast,
That it makes them beggers at the last,
And by this craft they doo never win,
But make their pursse emptie, and their wits thin._

♦G. Chaucer in the Chanons mans prolog. [See note.]♦

And bicause the practisers heereof would be thought wise, learned, cunning, and their crafts maisters, they have devised words of art, sentences and epithets obscure, and confectious[*] so innumerable (which are also compounded of strange and rare simples) as confound the capacities of them that are either set on worke heerein, or be brought to behold or expect their conclusions. For what plaine man would not beleeve, that they are learned and jollie fellowes, that have in such readinesse so many mysticall termes of art: as (for a tast) their subliming, amalgaming, engluting,[†] imbibing, incorporating, cementing, ritrination, terminations, mollifications, and indurations of bodies, matters combust and coagulat, ingots, tests, &c. Or who is able to conceive (by reason of the abrupt confusion, contrarietie, and multitude of drugs, simples, and confections) the operation and mysterie of their stuffe and workemanship. For these things and many more, are of necessitie to be prepared and used in the execution of this indevor; namelie orpiment, sublimed _Mercurie_, iron squames, _Mercurie_ crude, groundlie large, bole armoniake, verdegrece, borace, boles, gall,[‡] arsenicke, sal armoniake, brimstone, salt, paper, burnt bones, unsliked lime, claie, saltpeter, vitriall, saltartre, alcalie, sal preparat, claie made with horsse doong, mans haire, oile of tartre, allum, glasse, woort, yest, argoll, resagor,[§] gleir of an eie, powders, ashes, doong, pisse, &c. Then have they waters corosive and lincall, waters of albification, and waters rubifieng, &c. Also oiles, ablutions, and metals fusible. Also their lamps, their urinalles, discensories, sublimatories, alembecks, viols, croslets, cucurbits, stillatories, and their fornace of calcination: also their soft and subtill fiers, some of wood, some of cole, composed speciallie of beech, &c. And bicause they will not seeme to want anie point of cousenage to astonish the simple, or to moove admiration to their enterprises, they have (as they affirme) foure spirits to worke withall, whereof the first is, orpiment; the second, quicksilver; the third, sal armoniake; the fourth, brimstone. Then have they seven celestiall bodies; namelie, _Sol_, _Luna_, _Mars_, _Mercurie_, _Saturne_, _Jupiter_, and _Venus_; to whome they applie seven terrestriall bodies; to wit, gold, silver, iron, quickesilver, lead, tinne, and copper, attributing unto these the operation of the other; speciallie if the terrestriall bodies be qualified, tempered, and wrought in the houre and daie according to the feats[¶] of the celestiall bodies: with more like vanitie.

♦[*] [confections]♦

♦[†] [enluting]♦

♦The termes of the art alcumystical devised of purpose to bring credit to cousenage.♦

♦[‡] [boles gall, Chaucer.]♦

♦[§] [Resalgar]♦

♦[¶] [? seats]♦

The second Chapter.

_The Alcumysters drift, the Chanons yeomans tale, of alcumysticall
stones and waters._

Now you must understand that the end and drift of all their worke, is, to atteine unto the composition of the philosophers stone, called Alixer, and to the stone called Titanus; and to Magnatia, which is a water made of the foure elements, which (they saie) the philosophers are sworne neither to discover, nor to write of. And by these they mortifie quicke silver, and make it malleable, and to hold touch: heereby also they convert any other mettall (but speciallie copper) into gold. This science (forsooth) is the secret of secrets; even as _Salomons_ conjuration is said among the conjurors to be so likewise. And thus, when they chance to meete with yong men, or simple people, they boast and brag, and saie with _Simon Magus_, that they can worke miracles, and bring mightie things to passe. In which respect _Chaucer_ truelie heereof saith:

♦Acts. 8.♦

_Each man is as wise as Salomon,
When they are togither everichone:
But he that seemes wisest, is most foole in preefe,
And he that is truest, is a verie theefe.
They seeme friendlie to them that knowe nought,
But they are feendlie both in word and thought,
Yet many men ride and seeke their acquaintance,
Not knowing of their false governance._

♦G. Chaucer in the Chanons mans tale. [Prologue.]♦

He also saith, and experience verifieth his assertion, that they looke ill favouredlie, & are alwaies beggerlie attired: his words are these:

_These fellowes looke ill favouredlie,
And are alwaies tired beggerlie,
So as by smelling and thredbare araie,
These folke are knowne and discerned alwaie.
But so long as they have a sheet to wrap them in by night,
Or a rag to hang about them in the day light,
They will it spend in this craft,
They cannot stint till nothing be laft.
Here one may learne if he have ought,
To multiplie and bring his good to naught.
But if a man aske them privilie,
Whie they are clothed so unthriftilie,
They will round him in the eare and saie,
If they espied were, men would them slaie,
And all bicause of this noble science:
Lo thus these folke beetraien innocence._

♦_Idem, ibid._♦

The tale of the chanons yeoman published by _Chaucer_, dooth make (by waie of example) a perfect demonstration of the art of Alcumystrie or multiplication: the effect whereof is this. A chanon being an Alcumyster or cousenor, espied a covetous preest, whose pursse he knew to be well lined, whome he assaulted with flatterie and subtill speach, two principall points belonging to this art. At the length he borrowed monie of the preest, which is the third part of the art, without the which the professors can doo no good, nor indure in good estate. Then he at his daie repaied the monie, which is the most difficult point in this art, and a rare experiment. Finallie, to requite the preests courtesie, he promised unto him such instructions, as wherby with expedition he should become infinitelie rich, and all through this art of multiplication. And this is the most common point in this science; for herein they must be skilfull before they can be famous, or atteine to anie credit. The preest disliked not his proffer; speciallie bicause it tended to his profit, and embraced his courtesie. Then the chanon willed him foorthwith to send for three ownces of quicke silver, which he said he would transubstantiate (by his art) into perfect silver. The preest thought that a man of his profession could not dissemble, and therefore with great joy and hope accomplished his request.

♦The points or parts of the art Alcumysticall which may be called the mystie or smokie science.♦

And now (forsooth) goeth this jollie Alcumyst about his busines and worke of multiplication, and causeth the preest to make a fier of coles, in the bottome whereof he placeth a croslet; and pretending onelie to helpe the preest to laie the coles handsomelie, he foisteth into the middle ward or lane of coles, a beechen cole, within the which was conveied an ingot of perfect silver, which (when the cole was consumed) slipt downe into the croslet, that was (I saie) directlie under it. The preest perceived not the fraud, but received the ingot of silver, and was not a little joyfull to see such certeine successe proceed from his owne handie worke wherein could be no fraud (as he surelie conceived) and therefore verie willinglie gave the cannon fortie pounds for the receipt of this experiment, who for that summe of monie taught him a lesson in Alcumystrie, but he never returned to heare repetitions, or to see how he profited.

♦The Alcumysts bait to catch a foole.♦

The third Chapter.

_Of a yeoman of the countrie cousened by an Alcumyst._

I could cite manie Alcumysticall cousenages wrought by Doctor _Burcot_, _Feates_, and such other; but I will passe them over, and onelie repeate three experiments of that art; the one practised upon an honest yeoman in the countie of _Kent_, the other upon a mightie prince, the third upon a covetous preest. And first touching the yeoman, he was overtaken and used in maner and forme following, by a notable cousening varlot, who professed Alcumystrie, juggling, witchcraft, and conjuration: and by meanes of his companions and confederats discussed the simplicitie and abilitie of the said yeoman, and found out his estate and humor to be convenient for his purpose; and finallie came a wooing (as they saie) to his daughter, to whome he made love cunninglie in words, though his purpose tended to another matter. And among other illusions and tales, concerning his owne commendation, for welth, parentage, inheritance, alliance, activitie, learning, pregnancie, and cunning, he boasted of his knowledge and experience in Alcumystrie; making the simple man beleeve that he could multiplie, and of one angell make two or three. Which seemed strange to the poore man, in so much as he became willing enough to see that conclusion: whereby the Alcumyster had more hope and comfort to atteine his desire, than if his daughter had yeelded to have maried him. To be short, he in the presence of the said yeoman, did include within a little ball of virgine wax, a couple of angels; and after certeine ceremonies and conjuring words he seemed to deliver the same unto him: but in truth (through legierdemaine) he conveied into the yeomans hand another ball of the same scantling, wherein were inclosed manie more angels than were in the ball which he thought he had received. Now (forsooth) the Alcumyster bad him laie up the same ball of wax, and also use certeine ceremonies (which I thought good heere to omit). And after certeine daies, houres, and minuts they returned together, according to the appointment, and found great gaines by the multiplication of the angels. Insomuch as he, being a plaine man, was heereby persuaded, that he should not onelie have a rare and notable good sonne in lawe; but a companion that might helpe to adde unto his welth much treasure, and to his estate great fortune and felicitie. And to increase this opinion in him, as also to winne his further favour; but speciallie to bring his cunning Alcumystrie, or rather his lewd purpose to passe; he told him that it were follie to multiplie a pound of gold, when as easilie they might multiplie a millian: and therefore counselled him to produce all the monie he had, or could borrowe of his neighbours and freends; and did put him out of doubt, that he would multiplie the same, and redouble it exceedinglie, even as he sawe by experience how he delt with the small summe before his face. This yeoman, in hope of gaines and preferment, &c: consented to this sweete motion, and brought out and laid before his feete, not the one halfe of his goods, but all that he had, or could make or borrowe anie maner of waie. Then this juggling Alcumyster, having obteined his purpose, folded the same in a ball, in quantitie farre bigger than the other, and conveieng the same into his bosome or pocket, delivered another ball (as before) of the like quantitie unto the yeoman, to be reserved and safelie kept in his chest; whereof (bicause the matter was of importance) either of them must have a key, and a severall locke, that no interruption might be made to the ceremonie, nor abuse by either of them, in defrauding ech other. Now (forsooth) these circumstances and ceremonies being ended, and the Alcumysters purpose therby performed; he told the yeoman that (untill a certeine daie and houre limitted to returne) either of them might emploie themselves about their busines, and necessarie affaires; the yeoman to the plough, and he to the citie of _London_, and in the meane time the gold shuld multiplie, &c. But the Alcumyster (belike) having other matters of more importance came not just at the houre appointed, nor yet at the daie, nor within the yeare: so as, although it were somewhat against the yeomans conscience to violate his promise, or breake the league; yet partlie by the longing he had to see, and partlie the desire he had to enjoie the fruit of that excellent experiment, having (for his owne securitie) and the others satisfaction, some testimonie at the opening thereof, to witnesse his sincere dealing, he brake up the coffer, and lo he soone espied the ball of wax, which he himselfe had laid up there with his owne hand. So as he thought (if the hardest should fall) he should find his principall: and whie not as good increase hereof now, as of the other before. But alas! when the wax was broken, and the metall discovered, the gold was much abased, and beecame perfect lead.

♦Note the cousening conveiance of this alcumystical practitioner.♦

♦A notable foole.♦

♦A cousening devise by running awaie to save the credit of the art.♦

_Now who so list to utter his follie,
Let him come foorth, and learne to multiplie;
And everie man that hath ought in his cofer,
Let him appeare, and waxe a philosopher,
In learning of this elvish nice lore,
All is in vaine, and pardee much more
Is to learne a lewd man this sutteltee,
Fie, speake not thereof it woll not bee:
For he that hath learning, and he that hath none,
Conclude alike in multiplicatione._

♦G. Chaucer in the tale of the chanons yeoman. [Prologue.]♦

The fourth Chapter.

_A certeine king abused by an Alcumyst, and of the kings foole
a pretie jest._

The second example is of another Alcumyst that came to a certeine king, promising to worke by his art manie great things, as well in compounding and transubstantiating of mettals, as in executing of other exploites of no lesse admiration. But before he beganne, he found the meanes to receive by vertue of the kings warrant, a great summe of monie in prest, assuring the king and his councell, that he would shortlie returne, and accomplish his promise, &c. Soone after, the kings foole, among other jestes, fell into a discourse and discoverie of fooles, and handled that common place so pleasantlie, that the king began to take delight therein, & to like his merrie veine. Whereupon he would needes have the foole deliver unto him a schedull or scroll, conteining the names of all the most excellent fooles in the land.

♦A king cousened by Alcumystrie.♦

So he caused the kings name to be first set downe, and next him all the names of the lords of his privie councell. The king seeing him so sawcie and malepert, ment to have had him punished: but some of his councell, knowing him to be a fellow pleasantlie conceipted, besought his majestie rather to demand of him a reason of his libell, &c: than to proceed in extremitie against him. Then the foole being asked why he so sawcilie accused the king and his councell of principall follie, answered; Bicause he sawe one foolish knave beguile them all, and to cousen them of so great a masse of monie, and finallie to be gone out of their reach. Why (said one of the councell) he maie returne and performe his promise, &c. Then (quoth the foole) I can helpe all the matter easilie. How (said the king) canst thou doo that? Marie sir (said he) then I will blotte out your name, and put in his, as the most foole in the world. Manie other practises of the like nature might be hereunto annexed, for the detection of their knaverie and deceipts whereupon this art dependeth, whereby the readers maie be more delighted in reading, than the practisers benefited in simplie using the same. For it is an art consisting wholie of subtiltie and deceipt, whereby the ignorant and plaine minded man through his too much credulitie is circumvented, and the humor of the other slie cousener satisfied.

♦A wise foole.♦

The fift Chapter.

_A notable storie written by Erasmus of two Alcumysts, also of
longation and curtation._

The third example is reported by _Erasmus_, whose excellent learning and wit is had to this daie in admiration. He in a certeine dialog intituled _Alcumystica_ doth finelie bewraie the knaverie of this craftie art; wherein he proposeth one _Balbine_, a verie wise, learned, and devout preest, howbeit such a one as was bewitched, and mad upon the art of Alcumystrie. Which thing another cousening preest perceived, and dealt with him in maner and forme following.

♦_Eras. in colloq. de arte alcumystica._♦

M. Doctor _Balbine_ (said he) I being a stranger unto you maie seeme verie saucie to trouble your worship with my bold sute, who alwaies are busied in great and divine studies. To whome _Balbine_, being a man of few words, gave a nodde: which was more than he used to everie man. But the preest knowing his humor, said; I am sure sir, if you knew my sute, you would pardon mine importunitie. I praie thee good sir _John_ (said _Balbine_) shew me thy mind, and be breefe. That shall I doo sir (said he) with a good will. You know M. Doctor, through your skill in philosophie, that everie mans destinie is not alike; and I for my part am at this point, that I cannot tell whether I maie be counted happie or infortunate. For when I weigh mine owne case, or rather my state, in part I seeme fortunate, and in part miserable. But _Balbine_ being a man of some surlinesse, alwaies willed him to draw his matter to a more compendious forme: which thing the preest said he would doo, and could the better performe; bicause _Balbine_ himselfe was so learned and expert in the verie matter he had to repeat, and thus he began.

♦A flattering & clawing preamble.♦

I have had, even from my childhood, a great felicitie in the art of Alcumystrie, which is the verie marrow of all philosophie. _Balbine_ at the naming of the word Alcumystrie, inclined and yeelded himselfe more attentivelie to hearken unto him: marie it was onelie in gesture of bodie; for he was spare of speech, and yet he bad him proceed with his tale. Then said the preest, Wretch that I am, it was not my lucke to light on the best waie: for you M. _Balbine_ know (being so universallie learned) that in this art there are two waies, the one called longation, the other curtation; and it was mine ill hap to fall upon longation. When _Balbine_ asked him the difference of those two waies; Oh sir said the preest, you might count me impudent, to take upon me to tell you, that of all other are best learned in this art, to whome I come, most humblie to beseech you to teach me that luckie waie of curtation. The cunninger you are, the more easilie you maie teach it me: and therefore hide not the gift that God hath given you, from your brother, who maie perish for want of his desire in this behalfe; and doubtlesse Jesus Christ will inrich you with greater blessings and endowments.

♦Longation and curtation in Alcumystrie.♦

_Balbine_ being abashed partlie with his importunitie, and partlie with the strange circumstance, told him that (in truth) he neither knew what longation or curtation meant; and therefore required him to expound the nature of those words. Well (quoth the preest) since it is your pleasure, I will doo it, though I shall thereby take upon me to teach him that is indeed much cunninger than my selfe. And thus he began: Oh sir, they that have spent all the daies of their life in this divine facultie, doo turne one nature and forme into another, two waies, the one is verie breefe, but somewhat dangerous; the other much longer, marie verie safe, sure, and commodious. Howbeit, I thinke my selfe most unhappie that have spent my time and travell in that waie which utterlie misliketh me, and never could get one to shew me the other that I so earnestlie desire. And now I come to your worship, whom I know to be wholie learned and expert herein, hoping that you will (for charities sake) comfort your brother, whose felicitie and well doing now resteth onelie in your hands; and therefore I beseech you releeve me with your counsell.

♦Note how the cousener circumventeth Balbine.♦

By these and such other words when this cousening varlot had avoided suspicion of guile, and assured _Balbine_ that he was perfect and cunning in the other waie: _Balbine_ his fingers itched, and his hart tickled; so as he could hold no longer, but burst out with these words: Let this curtation go to the divell, whose name I did never so much as once heare of before, and therefore doo much lesse understand it. But tell me in good faith, doo you exactlie understand longation? Yea said the preest, doubt you not hereof: but I have no fansie to that waie, it is so tedious. Why (quoth _Balbine_) what time is required in the accomplishment of this worke by waie of longation? Too too much said the Alcumyster, even almost a whole yeere: but this is the best, the surest, and the safest waie, though it be for so manie moneths prolonged, before it yeeld advantage for cost and charges expended thereabouts. Set your hart at rest (said _Balbine_) it is no matter, though it were two yeeres, so as you be well assured to bring it then to passe.

♦Faire words make fooles faine, and large offers blind the wise.♦

Finallie, it was there and then concluded, that presentlie the preest should go in hand with the worke, and the other should beare the charge, the gaines to be indifferentlie divided betwixt them both, and the worke to be doone privilie in _Balbins_ house. And after the mutuall oth was taken for silence, which is usuall and requisite alwaies in the beginning of this mysterie; _Balbine_ delivered monie to the Alcumyster for bellowes, glasses, coles, &c: which should serve for the erection and furniture of the forge. Which monie the Alcumyster had no sooner fingered, but he ran merilie to the dice, to the alehouse, & to the stewes, and who there so lustie as cousening sir _John_: who indeed this waie made a kind of alcumysticall transformation of monie. Now _Balbine_ urged him to go about his businesse, but the other told him, that if the matter were once begun, it were halfe ended: for therein consisted the greatest difficultie.

Well, at length he began to furnish the fornace, but now forsooth a new supplie of gold must be made, as the seed and spawne of that which must be ingendred and grow out of this worke of Alcumystrie. For even as a fish is not caught without a bait, no more is gold multiplied without some parcels of gold: and therfore gold must be the foundation and groundworke of that art, or else all the fat is in the fier. But all this while _Balbine_ was occupied in calculating, and musing upon his accompt; casting by arythmetike, how that if one ownce yeelded fifteene, then how much gaines two thousand ownces might yeeld: for so much he determined to emploie that waie.

When the Alcumyst had also consumed this monie, shewing great travell a moneth or twaine, in placing the bellowes, the coles, and such other stuffe, and no whit of profit proceeding or comming thereof: _Balbine_ demanded how the world went, our Alcumyst was as a man amazed. Howbeit he said at length; Forsooth even as such matters of importance commonlie doo go forward, wherunto there is alwaies verie difficult accesse. There was (saith he) a fault (which I have now found out) in the choice of the coles, which were of oke, and should have beene of beech. One hundreth duckets were spent that waie, so as the dising house and the stewes were partakers of _Balbines_ charges. But after a new supplie of monie, better coles were provided, and matters more circumspectlie handled. Howbeit, when the forge had travelled long, and brought foorth nothing, there was another excuse found out; to wit, that the glasses were not tempered as they ought to have beene. But the more monie was disbursed hereabouts, the woorsse willing was _Balbine_ to give over, according to the disers veine, whome frutelesse hope bringeth into a fooles paradise.

♦Balbine was bewitched with desire of gold, &c.♦

The Alcumyst, to cast a good colour upon his knaverie, tooke on like a man moonesicke, and protested with great words full of forgerie and lies, that he never had such lucke before. But having found the error, he would be sure enough never hereafter to fall into the like oversight, and that henceforward all should be safe and sure, and throughlie recompensed in the end with large increase. Hereupon the workehouse is now the third time repaired, and a new supplie yet once againe put into the Alcumysts hand; so as the glasses were changed. And now at length the Alcumyst uttered another point of his art and cunning to _Balbine_; to wit, that those matters would proceed much better, if he sent our Ladie a few French crownes in reward: for the art being holie, the matter cannot prosperously proceed, without the favour of the saints. Which counsell exceedinglie pleased _Balbine_, who was so devout and religious, that no daie escaped him but he said our Ladie mattens.

♦Notable cousenage.♦

Now our Alcumyster having received the offering of monie, goeth on his holie pilgrimage, even to the next village, & there consumeth it everie penie, among bawds and knaves. And at his returne, he told _Balbine_ that he had great hope of good lucke in his businesse; the holie virgine gave such favourable countenance, and such attentive eare unto his praiers and vowes. But after this, when there had beene great travell bestowed, and not a dram of gold yeelded nor levied from the forge; _Balbine_ began to expostulate and reason somewhat roundlie with the cousening fellowe; who still said he never had such filthie lucke in all his life before, and could not devise by what meanes it came to passe, that things went so overthwartlie. But after much debating betwixt them upon the matter, at length it came into _Balbines_ head to aske him if he had not foreslowed to heare masse, or to saie his houres: which if he had doone, nothing could prosper under his hand. Without doubt (said the cousener) you have hot the naile on the head. Wretch that I am! I remember once or twise being at a long feast, I omitted to saie mine _Ave Marie_ after dinner. So so (said _Balbine_) no marvell then that a matter of such importance hath had so evill successe. The Alcumyster promised to doo penance; as to heare twelve masses for two that he had foreslowed; and for everie _Ave_ overslipped, to render and repeate twelve to our Ladie.

♦The Alcumyster bringeth Balbin into a fooles paradise.♦

Soone after this, when all our Alcumysters monie was spent, & also his shifts failed how to come by any more, he came home with this devise, as a man woonderfullie fraied and amazed, pitiouslie crieng and lamenting his misfortune. Whereat _Balbine_ being astonished, desired to knowe the cause of his complaint. Oh (said the Alcumyster) the courtiers have spied our enterprise; so as I for my part looke for nothing but present imprisonment. Whereat _Balbine_ was abashed, bicause it was flat fellonie to go about that matter, without speciall licence. But (quoth the Alcumyster) I feare not to be put to death, I would it would fall out so: marrie I feare least I shall be shut up in some castell or towre, and there shall be forced to tug about this worke and broile in this businesse all the daies of my life.

♦Here the Alcumyster uttereth a notorious point of cousening knaverie.♦

Now the matter being brought to consultation, _Balbine_, bicause he was cunning in the art of rhetorike, and not altogither ignorant in lawe, beat his braines in devising how the accusation might be answered, and the danger avoided. Alas (said the Alcumyster) you trouble your selfe all in vaine, for you see the crime is not to be denied, it is so generallie bruted in court: neither can the fact be defended, bicause of the manifest lawe published against it. To be short, when manie waies were devised, and divers excuses alledged by _Balbine_, and no sure ground to stand on for their securitie; at length the Alcumyster having present want and need of monie, framed his speech in this sort; Sir said he to _Balbine_, we use slowe counsell, and yet the matter requireth hast. For I thinke they are comming for me yer this time to hale me awaie to prison; and I see no remedie but to die valiantlie in the cause. In good faith (said _Balbine_) I knowe not what to saie to the matter. No more do I said the Alcumyster, but that I see these courtiers are hungrie for monie, and so much the readier to be corrupted & framed to silence. And though it be a hard matter, to give those rakehels till they be satisfied: yet I see no better counsell or advise at this time. No more could _Balbine_, who gave him thirtie ducats of gold to stop their mouthes, who in an honest cause would rather have given so manie teeth out of his head, than one of those peeces out of his pouch. This coine had the Alcumyster, who for all his pretenses & gaie gloses was in no danger, other than for lacke of monie to leese his leman or concubine, whose acquaintance he would not give over, nor forbeare hir companie, for all the goods that he was able to get, were it by never such indirect dealing and unlawfull meanes.

♦Marke how this Alcumyster goeth frō one degree of cousenage to another.♦

Well, yet now once againe dooth _Balbine_ newlie furnish the forge, a praier being made before to our Ladie to blesse the enterprise. And all things being provided and made readie according to the Alcumysters owne asking, & all necessaries largelie ministred after his owne liking; a whole yeare being likewise now consumed about this bootlesse businesse, and nothing brought to passe; there fell out a strange chance, and that by this meanes insuing, as you shall heare.

Our Alcumyster forsooth used a little extraordinarie lewd cōpanie with a courtiers wife, whiles he was from home, who suspecting the matter, came to the doore unlooked for, and called to come in, threatning them that he would breake open the doores upon them. Some present devise (you see) was now requisite, and there was none other to be had, but such as the oportunitie offered; to wit, to leape out at a backe window: which he did, not without great hazard, and some hurt. But this was soone blazed abroad, so as it came to _Balbines_ eare, who shewed in countenance that he had heard heereof, though he said nothing. But the Alcumyster knew him to be devout, & somewhat superstitious: and such men are easie to be intreated to forgive, how great soever the fault be, and devised to open the matter in maner and forme following.

♦The miledest and softest nature is cōmonlie soonest abused.♦

O Lord (saith he before _Balbine_) how infortunatlie goeth our businesse forward! I marvell what should be the cause. Whereat _Balbine_, being one otherwise that seemed to have vowed silence, tooke occasion to speake, saieng; It is not hard to knowe the impediment and stop heereof: for it is sinne that hindereth this matter; which is not to be dealt in but with pure hands. Whereat the Alcumyster fell upon his knees, beating his breast, & lamentablie cried, saieng; Oh maister _Balbine_, you saie most trulie, it is sinne that hath doone us all this displeasure; not your sinne sir, but mine owne, good maister _Balbine_. Neither will I be ashamed to discover my filthinesse unto you, as unto a most holy and ghostlie father. The infirmitie of the flesh had overcome me, and the divell had caught me in his snare. Oh wretch that I am! Of a preest I am become an adulterer. Howbeit, the monie that erstwhile was sent to our Ladie, was not utterlie lost: for if she had not beene, I had certeinlie beene slaine. For the good man of the house brake open the doore, and the windowe was lesse than I could get out thereat. And in that extremitie of danger it came into my mind to fall downe prostrate to the virgine; beseeching hir (if our gift were acceptable in hir sight) that she would, in consideration thereof, assist me with hir helpe. And to be short, I ran to the windowe, and found it bigge enough to leape out at. Which thing _Balbine_ did not onelie beleeve to be true, but in respect therof forgave him, religiouslie admonishing him to shew himselfe thankfull to that pitifull and blessed Ladie.

♦_En immensa cavi spirant mendacia folles._♦

Now once againe more is made a new supplie of monie, and mutuall promise made to handle this divine matter hence forward purelie and holilie. To be short, after a great number of such parts plaied by the Alcumyster; one of _Balbins_ acquaintance espied him, that knew him from his childhood to be but a cousening merchant; and told _Balbine_ what he was, and that he would handle him in the end, even as he had used manie others: for a knave he ever was, and so he would proove. But what did _Balbine_, thinke you? Did he complaine of this counterfet, or cause him to be punished? No, but he gave him monie in his pursse, and sent him awaie; desiring him, of all courtesie, not to blab abroad how he had cousened him. And as for the knave Alcumyster, he needed not care who knew it, or what came of it: for he had nothing in goods or fame to be lost. And as for his cunning in Alcumystrie, he had as much as an asse. By this discourse _Erasmus_ would give us to note, that under the golden name of Alcumystrie there lieth lurking no small calamitie; wherein there be such severall shifts and sutes of rare subtilties and deceipts, as that not onelie welthie men are thereby manie times impoverished, and that with the sweete allurement of this art, through their owne covetousnesse; as also by the flattering baits of hoped gaine: but even wise and learned men hereby are shamefullie overshot, partlie for want of due experience in the wiles and subtilties of the world, and partlie through the softenesse and pliablenesse of their good nature, which cousening knaves doo commonlie abuse to their owne lust and commoditie, and to the others utter undooing.

♦Balbine is ashamed that he should be overshot and overseene in a case of flat cousenage.♦

The sixt Chapter.

_The opinion of diverse learned men touching the follie
of Alcumystrie._

_Albert_ in his booke of minerals reporteth, that _Avicenna_ treating of Alcumystrie, saith; Let the dealers in Alcumystrie understand, that the verie nature and kind of things cannot be changed, but rather made by art to resemble the same in shew and likenesse: so that they are not the verie things indeed, but seeme so to be in appearance: as castels and towers doo seeme to be built in the clouds, whereas the representations there shewed, are nothing else but the resemblance of certeine objects beelow, caused in some bright and cleere cloud, when the aire is void of thicknes and grossenes. A sufficient proofe hereof maie be the looking glasse. And we see (saith he) that yellow or orrenge colour laid upon red, seemeth to be gold. _Francis Petrarch_ treating of the same matter in forme of a dialogue, introduceth a disciple of his, who fansied the foresaid fond profession and practise, saieng; I hope for prosperous successe in Alcumystrie. _Petrarch_ answereth him; It is a woonder from whence that hope should spring, sith the frute thereof did never yet fall to thy lot, nor yet at anie time chance to anie other; as the report commonlie goeth, that manie rich men, by this vanitie and madnes have beene brought to beggerie, whiles they have wearied themselves therewith, weakened their bodies, and wasted their wealth in trieng the means to make gold ingender gold. I hope for gold according to the workemans promise, saith the disciple. He that hath promised thee gold, will runne awaie with thy gold, and thou never the wiser, saith _Petrarch_. He promiseth mee great good, saith the disciple. He will first serve his owne turne, and releeve his private povertie, saith _Petrarch_; for Alcumysters are a beggerlie kind of people, who though they confesse themselves bare and needie, yet will they make others rich and welthie: as though others povertie did more molest and pitie them than their owne. These be the words of _Petrarch_, a man of great learning and no lesse experience; who as in his time he sawe the fraudulent fetches of this compassing craft: so hath there beene no age, since the same hath beene broched, wherein some few wisemen have not smelt out the evill meaning of these shifting merchants, and bewraied them to the world.

♦The substances of things are not transmutable.♦

♦_Franc. Petrarch. lib. de remed. utr. fort. 1. cap. 10._♦

An ancient writer of a religious order, who lived above a thousand yeares since, discovering the diversities of theftes, after along enumeration, bringeth in Alcumysters, whom he calleth _Falsificantes metallorum & mineralium_, witches and counterfetters of metals and minerals; and setteth them as deepe in the degree of theeves, as anie of the rest, whose injurious dealings are brought to open arreignment. It is demanded (saith he) why the art of Alcumystrie doth never proove that in effect, which it pretendeth in precept and promise. The answer is readie; that if by art gold might be made, then were it behoovefull to know the maner and proceeding of nature in generation; sith art is said to imitate and counterfet nature. Againe, it is bicause of the lamenesse and unperfectnesse of philosophie, speciallie concerning minerals: no such manner of proceeding being set downe by consent and agreement of philosophers in writing, touching the true and undoubted effect of the same. Where upon one supposeth that gold is made of one kind of stuffe this waie, others of another kind of stuffe that waie. And therefore it is a chance if anie atteine to the artificiall applieng of the actives and passives of gold and silver. Moreover, it is certeine, that quicke silver and sulphur are the materials (as they terme them) of mettals, and the agent is heate, which directeth: howbeit it is verie hard to know the due proportion of the mixture of the materials; which proportion the generation of gold doth require. And admit that by chance they atteine to such proportion; yet can they not readilie resume or doo it againe in another worke, bicause of the hidden diversities of materials, and the uncerteintie of applieng the actives and passives.

♦_Goschalcus Boll. ordinis S. August. in suo præceptorio, fol. 244. col. b. c. d. & I._♦

♦No certein ground in the art Alcumysticall.♦