Chapter I: Front Matter

[This plain-text file, containing only the captions to Richard Doyle's drawings, is included for completeness. The HTML version includes all drawings and decorative text.

Except for "The Review" and some decorative headers, the entire book was printed in CAPITAL LETTERS. It has been reformatted for readability; capitalization decisions are the transcriber's. Text shown in +marks+ was printed in decorative blackletter type.]

The Foreign Tour

of Messrs

BROWN, JONES, and ROBINSON.

Being the History of
What They Saw, and Did
in Belgium, Germany,
Switzerland & Italy.

by

Richard Doyle.

London. Bradbury & Evans. Whitefriars.

* * * * *
* * * *

[LONDON.]

The mail train to Dover. Brown, Jones, and Robinson starting on their travels.

[OSTEND.]

After a rough passage, Brown, Jones, and Robinson are here seen landed at Ostend, surrounded, and a little bewildered, by the natives, who overwhelm them with attentions--seize the luggage, thrust cards into their hands, drag them in several directions at once, all talking together (which prevented their directions being so clear as they otherwise would have been)--and, finally, all expecting money!

They are at the Douane, waiting for the officials to search the luggage.

Robinson and Jones (alarmed by expression of Brown's countenance). --"What's the matter now?" Brown (in a voice of agony). --"I've left the key of my bag at home!"

[OSTEND TO COLOGNE.]

A sketch made at Malines.

How they saw Belgium.

[COLOGNE.]

THE ARRIVAL AT COLOGNE.

Travellers passing their examination. In the foreground is Jones's portmanteau undergoing the "ordeal by touch."

Manner and custom of the people, as seen from the railway by Brown, and made a note of.

B. J. and R., who took their places on the roof the better to command the view, are seen at the moment when the idea occurred to the two former that they might possibly not "fit" under the archway. Robinson is so wrapped up in thought, and a cigar, that he is unconscious of all else.

This represents the Cologne omnibus on its journey from the station into the city, when stopped by the military, and made to "stand and deliver" the passports.

Arrival at the hotel, and first coming in sight of that amiable and obliging race, the German waiter. He is small in stature (scarcely the size of life, as Jones remarked), and remains always a boy.

"Speise-Saal" hotel, Cologne-- Enter Brown, Jones, and Robinson, fatigued, and somewhat disordered by travel, and "so hungry."

How an agent of Jean Maria Farina addressed them, who was kind enough to put some of the celebrated "Eau" upon their handkerchiefs, and to receive orders for the same.

The real Eau de Cologne, and its effect upon the noses of three illustrious individuals.

"Kellner" presents the bill.

They "do" Cologne cathedral.

[COLOGNE TO BONN.]

The railway from Cologne to Bonn. --B. J. and R. "Just in time."

First glimpse of Rhine scenery.

[BONN.]

Jones's little all is contained in this small portmanteau.

Robinson, on the contrary, finds it quite impossible to move with less than this.

This scene represents the Rhine boat about to start from Bonn, and passengers from the railway embarking. In the foreground an accident has occurred, a porter having upset the luggage of an English family, the head of which is saluting him with the national "Damn," while the courier of the party expresses the same idea in German.

[THE RHINE.]

BROWN'S FIRST IMPRESSION OF THE RHINE.

_From an ORIGINAL SKETCH in the possession of his family._

HEADS OF THE NATIVES.

_A Leaf from Brown's Sketch Book._

COMPANY ON BOARD THE RHINE BOAT.

Amongst them was a travelling tutor, and three young gentlemen, his pupils. He stood in the midst of them smiling blandly, an open volume in his hand, (probably a classic author,) between which, and his pupils, and the scenery, he divided his attention in about equal parts. There was a specimen of the English grumbler, big, burly, and as if in danger of choking from the tightness of his cravat. Every one knows him, his pleasant ways, and his constant flow of good humour and cheerfulness; that is he, sitting to the right. There were besides, numerous young gentlemen from the universities, from the army, from the bar, all with more or less hair on their upper lips; and there was a cavalry officer of the Russian guard, and a professor, on his way to Heidelberg, and loose, dishevelled, hairy, smoky young Germans, with long beards, and longer pipes. And there was a British nobleman, and a British alderman, and a British alderwoman; and there were British ladies whom I can't describe, because they wore those "ugly" things which prevent them being seen; intelligent young Americans on their way all over the world; nuns, with their quiet, happy faces; Red Republicans from Frankfort, and snobs from London.

THE GREAT BRITON.

As he stood contemplating the Rhine-land, wondering if it would be possible to live in that country; and considering (supposing he had one of those castles, now) how many thousands a-year one could do it with. The scenery would do; and with English institutions it might be made a good thing of.

N.B. --He little thinks what Brown is doing.

Even the nun was not safe from Brown. He is here seen taking her off, in a rapid act of sketching.

B. J. and R. had just begun to enjoy the scenery, when, to their consternation, who should appear on board but the "Bore," who instantly was down upon them. For three mortal hours he entertained them with fashionable intelligence, anecdotes of the aristocracy, the court circular, births, deaths, marriages, &c.

This was supposed to be an M.P. travelling in search of "facts." He is giving Brown his views; and also the statistics of everything.

A VIEW ON THE RHINE.

THE LONDON GENT UP THE RHINE.

He is taken at the moment when expressing his opinion that the whole concern is a "do" and a "sell."

BRITISH FARMER AND SON IN FOREIGN PARTS.

They both wore a perpetual grin and stare of surprise, Jones thought that they had taken leave of England and their senses at once, owing to the withdrawal of protection.

THE RHINE BOAT.

Brown may be seen seated there upon the paddle-box, rapidly sketching every church, ruined castle, town, or other object of interest on either bank of the river. Those are Jones and Robinson, leaning over the side of the boat below him. Observe, also, the stout party who has called for brandy-and-water, and whose countenance almost lapses into a smile as "Kellner" approaches with the beverage. The tutor, it is pleasant to see, has at last put his "Classic" in his pocket, and gives himself up to the undivided enjoyment of the scene, while his "young charge" is wrapped in contemplation of mechanical science as exemplified in the structure of the wheel. And that must surely be the gent who has such a low opinion of the beauty of the Rhine-land, seated at the stern of the boat with his legs dangling over the river. Let us hope that he is happy now!

THE ENGLISH "MILORD" UPON THE RHINE.

How happy he looks! He dislikes the hum of men, and sits all day shut up in his carriage reading the literature of his country. How rude of those Germans to be laughing and joking so near his lordship!

PERFECT ENJOYMENT.

[COBLENTZ.]

Indignation of Robinson, at sight of inadequate washing apparatus. He rang the bell with such violence, that all the waiters rushed in, thinking that the hotel was on fire, or that a revolution had broken out.

There he stood, pointing to the water, about half a pint in a basin the size of a breakfast cup; and in a voice of suppressed emotion, demanding to know if "Das ist, etc."

JONES'S NIGHT THOUGHTS.

"Man wants but little here below," _but_ "wants that little long."

If you should forget the number of your key and room (_as BROWN did on returning late from the theatre_), what are you to do?

+An Incident in the Life of Jones's Dog.+

How this animal seemed to have imbibed communistic principles, and how he stole a sausage, and how the population rose like one man, and hunted him through the town.

The dog having outstripped the populace, proceeds to eat the sausage.

Having done so, he looks stouter than he did, and is inclined to rest. The inhabitants, eager for vengeance, surround him, but are kept at bay by the expression of his countenance.

One burly peasant having the hardihood to approach too near, he is made as example of. _Exeunt omnes._

[THE RHINE.]

Brown, with noble perseverance, sits upon the paddle-box, regardless of the storm, and sketches the castles and towns, as the steam-boat passes them.

--Till in a moment of grief his hat and several sketches were carried off for ever: and then he thought it time to go below.

How a citizen of the United States addressed Brown; and how he put the following questions during the first five minutes of their acquaintance.

1. "Where are you going?"

2. "What place do you hail from?"

3. "Conclude you go toe Frankfort?"

4. "You're Mr. Brown, I reckon?"

5. "What names do your friends go by?"

Statements made during the same period.

1. "This here Rhine ain't much by the side of our Mississippi."

2. "Old Europe is 'tarnally chawed up."

BROWN'S HAT.

Robinson was very merry about this incident, and both he and Jones kept poking fun at Brown during the rest of the day. They parodied the well known song of "My heart's on the Rhine," substituting "My hat's in the Rhine;"--(it was very poor stuff, we have been assured by Brown)--and they made pointed allusions to the name of "Wide-Awake."

The above drawing is from a rude sketch by Jones.

THE SCENERY BECOMES MYSTERIOUS.

They now became enveloped in what seemed a combination of fog (London November) and mist (Scotch). Only think of those two national institutions going up the Rhine with the rest of the fashionable world. At first it obscured the hill tops, with the ruins thereon; then the villages and vineyards below; and finally both banks of the river entirely disappeared. The company on board the steamboat did not, at this period, present the most cheerful aspect.

[MAYENCE TO FRANKFORT.]

How Robinson's favourite portmanteau, which he had forgotten to lock, was dropped accidentally by a porter while conveying it to the omnibus.

Jones hints to Robinson that it is time to get up.

[FRANKFORT.]

How they visited a "quarter" of the city of Frankfort, and what they saw there!

Robinson here wrote his celebrated letter to the "Times," on the subject of the deficiency of soap and water, from which, as we have seen in a former page, he suffered so grievously. It was conceived in terms of indignant eloquence; and drew a terrible picture of the state of social, political, and religious degradation into which a country must have sunk, where such things could be tolerated.

As they walked through the town, bent upon seeing the Ariadne, and unconscious of danger, suddenly an object appeared in sight that filled them with terror. It was the "Bore!" stepping jauntily along on the other side of the street. To hesitate was to be lost! So they plunged into the nearest shop for protection, and stood there breathless with expectation and fear. Presently Jones--putting his head very gradually out--reconnoitred, and finding all safe they resumed their way.

Robinson thinks it "the thing" to encourage native industry wherever he goes, and so buys a German pipe.

[HEIDELBERG.]

"Kellner!"

While Brown, Jones, and Robinson supped, a party of philosophers carry on an æsthetical discussion, with an accompaniment of pipes and beer.

"* * * The night was beautiful, so we determined after supper to have a look at the celebrated castle--Jones and I did, that is to say, for Robinson was so fatigued with travel that he declined moving, muttering something about 'Castle can wait.' We ascended; the moon shone brightly through the ruins, and bathed the landscape in its silvery light, the beautiful Neckar flowing at our feet. Under us lay the town, a thousand lights twinkling in the stillness." * * "Suddenly, to our horror, there appeared upon the terrace 'The Bore!'" --_Extract from Brown's Journal._

"At last he left us. But not before he had taken from his pocket a letter received that morning from Green ('You know Green, of course,' he said, 'everybody does'), and read it aloud from beginning to end. It told of a 'good thing' said at the club by Smith; and of two marriages, and a duel likely to come off, besides several interesting particulars regarding the winner of the St. Leger." --_Ibid._

When Jones and Brown were left once more alone, they wandered and pondered amongst the ruins, and moralised over the instability of things--they were even becoming sentimental--when, suddenly, a terrific sound was heard--like the barking of a dog--and the next moment the animal himself was seen emerging from the darkness, and making towards them at the top of his speed. They turned and fled!

Meeting by moonlight.

Robinson, after the departure of Jones and Brown, seated himself before the fire and fell fast asleep.

He continued in that state, notwithstanding that the philosophers became very noisy, and even warlike.

--And although--after the latter had retired (fortunately without coming to blows)--his chair toppled over, he quietly assumed a horizontal position.

Fancy the feelings of Jones and Brown on returning, and finding their friend lying on his back upon the floor, snoring!

They lifted him up, and carried him off to bed.

Next morning they entertained Robinson with a thrilling account of the dangers of their expedition, in which that dreadful dog filled a very large space.

The above will give some faint idea of what they pictured to themselves (and to Robinson).

[THE REVIEW.]

Brown, Jones, and Robinson have arrived at ----, the capital of ----, a small German state (we won't say which, as it would be giving it an undue distinction, and might offend the others).

They have been received with distinguished consideration, the "local" paper having announced their arrival as Count Robinson, Sir Brown, and the Rev. Jones. They have been invited to be present at a grand review, and Robinson--who amongst other necessaries in those portmanteaus of his, carried a uniform as Captain of Yeomanry--thought that this was just the proper occasion to appear in it. Accordingly, he rode on to the ground upon a charger (hired), in the character of a warrior, with a solemnity of countenance befitting the scene and his country, and accompanied by Jones (also mounted), but in the costume of an ordinary individual of the period. Brown preferred going on foot. That is Robinson in the centre. Just at the time when he ought to be riding up the line, inspecting the troops with the Grand Duke and his staff--his horse (a "disgusting brute," as Robinson afterwards described him, "who could not have been in the habit of carrying gentlemen") suddenly stood on his hind legs, in the very middle of the field, so that his rider was forced to cling on to him in an absurd manner, in full view of the army, the people, and the court.

R. at that moment earnestly desired that the earth might open and swallow him.

KEY TO THE CARTOON.

1. Robinson. 2. The Grand Duke. 3. The Crown Prince. 4. The Rest of the Serene Family. 5. Mr. Jones. 6. The Population. 7. Mr. Jones's Dog. 8. Mr. Brown. 9. The Army. 10. Distant View of the Capital. 11. Foreign Visitors. 12. Monument to late Duke.

[BADEN.]

A SCENE AT BADEN.

THE RIGHT OF SEARCH.

+Of the Adventure that befel Jones.+