Chapter X: Charades, Stories, and Contests

My first makes company,
My second shuns company,
My third assembles company,
My whole puzzles company.
Co-nun-drum.

My first is a reflection, my second not so much, and my whole none at all. Thoughtless.

I lived upon my own substance and died when I had devoured myself. A candle.

I have hands, but no fingers; no bed, but a tick. A clock.

You can hang me on the wall, but if you take me down, you cannot hang me up again. Wall paper.

In my first my second sat, my third and fourth I ate. In-sat-i-ate.

May my first never be lost in my second,
To prevent me from enjoying my whole.
Friendship.

My first I do, and my second--when I say you are my whole--I do not. Love-lie (Lovely).

My first is a prop, my second also is a prop, and my whole is a prop as well. Footstool.

Wipe my face, and I'm everybody; scratch my back, and I'm nobody. A mirror.

By well employing my second you will never regret my first, and you will the more thoroughly enjoy my whole. Past-time.

When you stole my first, I lost my second, and you are the only person to give me my whole. Hearts-ease.

Why is the emblem of America more lasting than that of France, England, Ireland, or Scotland?

The lily may fade, and its leaves decay,
The rose from its stem may sever;
Shamrock and thistle may pass away,
But the stars shall shine for ever.

Read see that me but not my got
Up shall I love if me love for-
And you love you that love for be
Down and you if you do you shall
Read up and down and you shall see.

Can you tell me why
A hypocrite's eye
Can better descry
Than you or I
On how many toes
A pussy-cat goes?

A man of deceit
Can best count-er-feit;
And so, I suppose,
Can best count her toes.

My first, though 'tis dirty, 's a thing to a door;
My second is made into cakes and a bun;
My third is, believe me, by none thought a bore;
My whole we have frequently been led to believe by many authors
of the United States is very often indeed called one.
Mat-ry(e)-money.

Why is a cross old bachelor like the preceding conundrum? Because he's averse to matrimony.

By equal division, I know I am right;
The half of thirteen you'll find to be eight.
VIII
XIII, ----, VIII
AIII

[Transcriber's note: The letter A is used here to represent
the lower half of the letter X, originally shown by an
upside down V.]

I came to a field and couldn't get through it;
So I went to school and learned how to do it.
Fence.

Legs have I got, but seldom walk,
I backbite all, yet never talk.
A flea.

I am a good state, there can be no doubt of it;
But those who are in, entirely are out of it.
Sane; insane.

Formed long ago, yet made to-day,
I'm most employed while others sleep;
What none would like to give away,
Yet no one likes to keep.
Bed.

My first of anything is half,
My second is complete;
And so remains until once more
My first and second meet.
Semi-circle.

Pray tell me, ladies, if you can,
Who is that highly favored man,
Who, though he has married many a wife,
May still live single all his life?
A clergyman.

Great numbers do our use despise,
But yet, at last they find,
Without our help in many things,
They might as well be blind.
Spectacles.

My love for you will never know
My first, nor yet my second;
'Tis like your wit and beauty, so
My whole 'twill aye be reckoned.
End-less.

As I was going through a field of wheat,
I found something good to eat;
It wasn't fish or flesh or bone;
I kept it till it ran alone.
An egg.

There's a word composed of three letters alone
Which reads backwards and forwards the same,
It expresses the sentiments warm from the heart,
And to beauty lays principal claim.
Eye.

We travel much, yet pris'ners are,
And close confined to boot;
We with the swiftest horse keep pace,
Yet always go on foot.
A pair of spurs.

My first doth affliction denote,
Which my second is destined to feel;
But my whole is the sure antidote
That affliction to soothe and to heal.
Wo-man.

Those who take me improve, be their task what it may,
Those who have me are sorrowful through the long day;
I am hated alike by the foolish and wise,
Yet without me none ever to eminence rise.
Pains.

Your initials begin with an A,
You've an A at the end of your name,
The whole of your name is an A,
And it's backwards and forwards the same.
Anna.

Ever running on my race,
Never staying at one place,
Through the world I make my tour,
Everywhere at the same hour.
If you please to spell my name,
Reversed or forward it's the same.
Noon.

You name me once, and I am famed
For deeds of noble daring;
You name me twice, and I am found
In savage customs sharing.
Tar-tar.

What is that which lives in winter, dies in summer, and grows with its root upwards? An icicle.

Water soft is my first, water hard is my second,
Sticks made of my whole are by many sweet reckon'd.
Liquor-ice (licorice).

From a number that's odd cut off the head,
It then will even be.
Its tail, I pray, next take away,
Your mother then you'll see.
Seven--even--Eve.

My first is of illustrious line,
Of beauteous form and face divine;
Which when my second does assail,
Both form and beauty then do fail;
My whole an arduous task to do
With wives who hoity-toity ways pursue.
Man-age.

A stranger comes from foreign shores,
Perchance to seek relief;
Curtail him, and you find his tale
Unworthy of belief;
Curtailed again, you recognize
An old Egyptian chief.
Alien--a lie--Ali.

An ugly little fellow, that some might call a pet,
Was easily transmuted to a parson when he ate;
And when he set off running, an Irishman was he;
Then took to wildly raving, and hung upon a tree.
Cur, cur-ate, Cur-ran, cur-rant.

Ere Adam was, my early days began;
I ape each creature, and resemble man;
I gently creep o'er tops of tender grass,
Nor leave the least impression where I pass;
Touch me you may, but I can ne'er be felt,
Nor ever yet was tasted, heard, or smelt,
Yet seen each day; if not, be sure at night
You'll quickly find me out by candlelight.
Shadow.

'Twas whispered in Heaven, 'twas muttered in Hell,
And echo caught faintly the sound as it fell;
On the confines of earth 'twas permitted to rest,
And the depths of the ocean its presence confessed.
'Twill be found in the sphere when 'tis riven asunder,
Be seen in the lightning, and heard in the thunder.
'Twas allotted to man with his earliest breath,
Attends at his birth, and awaits him in death;
It presides o'er his happiness, honor, and health,
Is the prop of his house, and the end of his wealth.
In the whispers of conscience its voice will be found,
Nor e'en in the whirlwind of passion be drowned.
In the heaps of the miser 'tis hoarded with care,
But is sure to be lost by his prodigal heir.
'Twill not soften the heart, and though deaf to the ear,
'Twill make it acutely and instantly hear.
Without it the soldier and sailor may roam,
But woe to the wretch who expels it from home!
So in shade let it rest, like a delicate flower:
Oh, breathe on it softly, it dies in an hour!
The letter "H."

STORIES

How do you punctuate the sentence, "I saw a five-dollar bill on the street?" Make a dash after it.

There was a carpenter who made a cupboard door; it proved too big. He cut it, and unfortunately, he cut it too little; he thereupon cut it again, and made it fit beautifully. How was this? He did not cut it enough the first time.

There are twelve birds in a covey. A hunter kills a brace, then how many remain? None, for, unless they are idiots, they fly away.

A one-eyed beggar bet a friend that he could see more with one eye than his friend could with two. How was this? Because he saw his friend's two eyes, whilst the other only saw his one.

A hunter and his dog went out hunting. The dog went not behind, went not before, nor on one side of him. Where did he go? On the other side.

Which would you rather--look a greater fool than you are, or be a greater fool than you look? (Let the person choose, then say, "That is impossible.")

Which would you rather--that a lion ate you or a tiger? Why, you would rather that the lion ate the tiger, of course.

A man stopped before the window of a trunk store; within, a large trunk was marked "$25.00," a medium-sized one "$15.00," and a small one bore the placard, "This size for $5.00." "So do I," the man said, and walked on.

A man was crossing a bridge over a small stream, and noticed a sign which read, "Don't fish here." "Do they?" he asked, and walked on.

AGE CONTEST

What age will people reach if they live long enough? Dotage.

To what age do most people look forward? Marriage.

A necessary attribute of a soldier? Courage.

What age is required at sea? Tonnage.

What age are we forbidden to worship? Image.

What age do people get stuck on? Mucilage.

What age is neither more nor less? Average.

What is the age of profanity? Damage.

At what age will vessels ride safely? Anchorage.

What age does the infant in arms pass through? Crib-bage.

What age does the small boy enjoy? Sauce-age (sausage).

What age is the young lady most interested in? Garb-age.

What age does the child in primary school dislike? Ad(d)-age.

What age does the bride desire? Dotage.

What age is necessary for a clergyman? Parsonage.

What is the age of communication? Postage.

What age is most important to travelers? Mileage.

What is the age of slavery? Bondage.

What age is served for breakfast? Sausage.

What is the most indigestible age? Cabbage.

What age signifies the farmer? Tillage.

What age belongs to travelers? Baggage.

What age is an indication of wealth? Acreage.

What age do milliners delight in? Plumage.

What age is shared by a doctor and a lawyer? Patronage.

What age is used in turkey stuffing? (S)age.

What age do a number of people enjoy in common? Village.

ANT CONTEST

What is the oldest ant? Adam-ant.

What ant hires his home? Tenant.

What ant is joyful? Jubilant.

What ant is learned? Savant.

What ant is well informed? Conversant.

What ant is trustworthy? Confidant.

What ant is proud? Arrogant.

What ant sees things? Observant.

What ant is angry? Indignant.

What ant tells things? Informant.

What ant is successful? Triumphant.

What ant is an officer? Commandant.

What ant is a beggar? Mendicant.

What ant is obstinate? Defiant.

What ant is youngest? Infant.

What is the ruling ant? Dominant.

What is the wandering ant? Errant.

What ant lives in a house? Occupant.

What ant points out things? Significant.

What ant is prayerful? Supplicant.

CITY CONTEST

What city is for few people? Scarcity.

Happy people? Felicity.

Hypocrites? Duplicity.

Chauffeurs? Velocity.

Truthful people? Veracity.

Athletes? Elasticity.

Greedy people? Voracity.

Wild beasts? Ferocity.

Home lovers? Domesticity.

Actors? Publicity.

Reporters? Audacity.

Wise people? Sagacity.

Hungry people? Capacity.

Telegraph operators? Electricity.

Crowds? Multiplicity.

Nations? Reciprocity.

Old people? Eccentricity.

Beggars? Mendicity.

Unhappy people? Infelicity.

Office-seekers? Pertinacity.

THE END

End of Project Gutenberg's The Handbook of Conundrums, by Edith B. Ordway