Chapter III: Part 3

And then Wagstaff struck in, and Dennis took a long breath, and _he_ struck in; and they waked up a couple of children, and _they_ struck in; and Dennis put his wooden leg on the tail of a dog, and _he_ struck in; and the locomotive put on the final touch, by shrieking with a frightful yell, as if it had boiled down into one, the squalls of eleven hundred freshly-spanked babies.

And they kept on, Dennis singing, in a masterly manner, the historical part; the charms of Dinah the barbarity of the cruel parient, the despair of Vilikins, the death and burial of the unfortunate "lovyers," their subsequent ghastly reappearance to the cruel parient, and his final remorse, had all been related; the "chorus of tender maidens" had been pathetically sung by the musical trio; the "chorus of cruel and unnatural parients," had been indignantly disposed of; the "chorus of pisoned young women," had been spasmodically executed: the "chorus of agonized young men, with an awful pain in the stummack," had been convulsively performed; the "chorus of cold corpuses," had been sepulchrally consummated; and the musical enthusiasts were laying out their most lugubrious strength on the "concluding dismal chorus of gloomy apparitions," when the concert was interrupted by the train running off the track and pitching a part of the passengers into a sand-bank on the right, throwing the remainder into frog-pond on the left, and gently depositing the engineer on a brush heap, where he was afterwards discovered with the bell-rope in his hand, and his legs covered up by the smoke-pipe.

It was soon ascertained that no very serious damage was done, beyond the demolition of the engine, which had left the rail without cause or provocation, and was now lying by the side of the road with its head in the mud, wrong end to, bottom side up, roasting itself brown, steaming itself yellow, and smoking itself black, like an insane cooking-stove turned out-doors for misbehavior.

Overdale got out of the sand without assistance, and, save a black eye, and a peck or two of sand and gravel in his hair, was none the worse for the accident. Wagstaff crawled out of the frog pond, looking as dripping and juicy as a he-mermaid; while Dennis, though unconscious of any painful hurt, had sustained so serious a fracture of his wooden leg, that he found it necessary to splice it with an ironwood sapling before he could navigate.

It being discovered that the danger was over, and that there was nothing more to fear, the ladies, as in duty bound, began to faint; one old lady fainted, and fell near the engine; happening, however, to sit down in a puddle of hot water, she got up quicker than she went down; young lady, rather pretty, fainted and fell into the arms of four or five gentlemen who were waiting to receive her; another young lady fainted, and didn't fall into anybody's arms, being cross-eyed and having a wart on her nose; maiden lady, ancient and fat, got near a good-looking man with a big moustache, and giving notice of her intention by a premonitory squall, shut her eyes, and fell towards moustache; she had better, however, have kept her eyes open, for moustache, seeing her coming, and making a hasty estimate of her probable weight, stepped aside, and the gentle creature landed in a clump of Canada thistles, whence she speedily recovered herself, and looked fiery indignation at moustache, who bore it like a martyr; young lady in pantalets and curls tried it, but, being inexperienced, and not having taken the precaution to pick out a soft place to fall, in case there didn't anybody catch her, she bumped her head on a stone, and got up with a black eye; jealous married lady, seeing her husband endeavoring to resuscitate a plump-looking miss, immediately extemporized a faint herself, and fell directly across the young miss aforesaid, contriving as she descended, to break her husband's spectacles by a malicious dig with her elbow; in fact the ladies all fainted at least once apiece, and those who received the most attention had an extra spasm or two before their final recovery, while the vicious old maids whom nobody cared for, invariably fell near the best-looking girls, and went into furious convulsions, so that they could kick them in the tender places without its being suspected that their intentions were not honorable.

During this characteristic female performance, our musical trio had not been idle. Dennis had been busily engaged in splicing his wooden leg. Wagstaff had seized a bucket from the disabled engine, and nearly drowned three or four unfortunate females with dirty water from the frog-pond. Overdale was attracted to the side of a blue-eyed girl, who had swooned in a clean place, behind a concealing blackberry bush, and he had rubbed the skin off her hands in his benevolent exertions to "bring her to," and had meanwhile liberally peppered her face and neck with gravel-stones and sand, from the stock which had accumulated in his hair when he was first pitched into the sand-bank.

Everybody was eventually convalescent, and likely to recover from the damage which nobody had sustained; the gentlemen had repented of the prayers which they had not said, and were now swearing ferociously about their fractured pocket-companions, and their broken cigars; and the ladies were regaling each other with multitudinous accounts of miraculous escapes from the horrible accidents which might have killed everybody, but hadn't hurt anybody. Another engine was sent for, and the cars ran to the end of the railroad, seventy miles, before the women stopped talking, or the men got anything to drink.

The musical trio, whose united chorus had been so suddenly interrupted, met at the bar of the nearest tavern for the first time since the run off; their greeting was peculiar, but characteristic; when they came in sight of each other, they didn't speak a word, until they solemnly joined hands and finished the "too ral li la," which they hadn't had the leisure to complete at the time of their sudden separation. Overdale, true to his ruling passion, wouldn't stop when the others did, but was going on with an extra "tooral li, looral li," when Wagstaff presented a glass of strong brandy and water at him; the plan succeeded; he stopped in the midst of a most astonishing shake on the first "looral," and merely remarking, "To be continued," he yielded, a passive captive to the fluid conqueror.

Subsequent conversations disclosed their future plans, and it was discovered that they were all journeying to the same place, New York city; and that their several visits had one common object, to see the mysteries of the town. An agreement, which I overheard, was quickly made, that they should remain together, and pursue, in company, their investigations.

They proceeded harmoniously on their journey, singing "Vilikins" between meals every day; and when Overdale couldn't stop in the chorus at the the proper time, Wagstaff corked him up with a corn-cob, which he carried in his pocket for that purpose.

It so happened that I continued on the same trains of cars with this interesting trio of eccentricities, until we took the steamboat at the Dutch village, where the State Legislature meets. After the last verse of their customary evening hymn had been sung, with a strong chorus, as they were about to shelve themselves in their state-rooms for the night, I heard Overdale remark to his companions:

"When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or--well, no matter where. Dennis, you see this black eye; I have to make this particular request, that if this steamboat blows up in the night, and you take a fancy to black anybody's eye, you'll pick out somebody's else."

"I didn't black your eye; what do you mean?"

Overdale explained thus: "I could a tale unfold, which would--but I won't--I'll tell you how it happened, nothing extenuate or set down aught in malice. When that locomotive ran off the track, the shock threw us both, as you are aware, about fifteen feet straight up in the air--as I was going up, you were coming down, and you were practising some kind of an original pigeon-wing with your wooden leg, and, in one of its fantastic gyrations, it came in contact with my visual apparatus, and damaged my personal beauty to the extent you see;--don't do it any more, that's all, my friend, don't do it any more."

Dennis expressed himself exceedingly sorry--"Overdale, my hairy friend," said he, "at the particular time you speak of, that leg was not under my control, and I am not accountable for the misbehavior of that leg; but I solemnly promise that, if we _are_ blown up before morning, if I see which way you go, I will do my best to travel in a different direction."

Each of us, myself included, then went to his state-room, achieved his allotted shelf, rolled himself into so small a ball that the narrow blankets would cover him, and laid in feverish restlessness, awaiting that morning bell which should summon him to disperse himself into his pantaloons, go on deck, and catch the first glimpse of smoky Gotham, the home of the undiluted elephant.

"Hooror for Johnny," said Mr. Spout, as he rushed towards that individual to offer his congratulations. The other members followed suit, and Johnny, anticipating that he would be favored with a bear-like hug, more boisterous than pleasant, unless he acted promptly to prevent such a consummation, ran into one corner, squared off, and threatened to show an immoderate pugnacity, if they made any immoderate demonstrations of fraternal affection. The language and action of Johnny had the effect to check the enthusiasm of his friends, and they resumed their places. Johnny then came out, and made a peremptory demand of Mr. Spout that he telegraph to the saloon below for a lemonade for his (Johnny's) private consumption. Mr. Spout announced the impossibility of acceding to Johnny's demand, as there had been no signal agreed upon which should indicate to the individual below that a lemonade was wanted. Johnny said that he could not hold Mr. Spout to a strict accountability on that occasion, but if he did not arrange a signal to indicate his future wants, he should proceed to expel Mr. Spout from the club. Under existing circumstances, he should go down below and order personally a strong lemonade, to be made of considerable lemon, some sugar, and a good deal of water. Johnny disappeared through the door. He had been gone three minutes, by Quackenbush's bull's-eye silver watch, which he says keeps excellent time as long as he hires a boy to move the balance-wheel, when the Higholdboy arose, and proposed "The health of the Elephant--may his shadow never be less," which was to be drunk in silence, standing. All the members had assumed an erect position, required for the performance of this imposing ceremony, when a yell of such prodigious dimensions, entitling it to be called a roar, followed by a most extraordinary clattering outside the door, as of three persons trying to ascend abreast a flight of stairs only wide enough for one, and quarrelling about the precedence, and in the intervals of their emphatic remarks to each other uttering cries of exultant triumph, as if they had made some long-sought discovery, suddenly petrified the various members into flesh and blood statues with breeches on, and mouths open. Not long, however, did they remain thus inactive, for a mighty rush from the outside carried the door from its hinges, knocked Mr. Quackenbush, the stalwart guardian of the portal, into a far corner of the room, and disclosed to the astonished gaze of the assembled Elephantines, the forms of three individuals, to them unknown. The action of the Higholdboy, who first recovered his senses and his presence of mind, is worthy of remembrance. Keeping both eyes fixed upon one of the intruders, he deliberately drank the contents of his tumbler, and then, taking a cool aim, he threw the glass-ware at him. This act of the Higholdboy was regarded as an announcement, by implication, that crockery and glass-ware could be used on the present occasion offensively, and accordingly the other members followed the example of their chief. For a few minutes the destruction of property was great, and the more so, as, whenever a tumbler, plate, bottle, or any other similar missile fell to the floor unfractured, one of the three intruding parties would stamp on it with one of his feet, and pulverize it instanter. When the crockery was all disposed of, the assault was renewed with lemons, crackers, bologna sausages, and whatever projectiles remained, and the chairs and tables would have undoubtedly followed suit, had not the precaution previously taken, of chaining them up, precluded the possibility of their being used for this purpose. The result of this peculiar reception of the intruding parties was the temporary demolition of one, who had been hit over the head with the lemon-squeezer, and knocked down in the corner behind the chair of the Higholdboy. The second person had rolled himself up in a heap as well as he could, drew his head into his coat, and seemed resigned to whatever might be his fate. The third, however, made no resistance whatever, but rushed into one corner, turned his face to the wall, in which position he sustained for five minutes a brilliant cannonade of lemons, Boston crackers, with an occasional bomb in the shape of a nut-cracker and doughnut, for which affectionate tokens of respect he was indebted to the kindness of Van Dam, who bestowed upon him his undivided attention.

At the moment when the utter defeat of the invaders was shown to be a fixed fact, Johnny Cake reentered the room. He saw the confusion which was everywhere apparent, and his first inquiry was as to the cause. Before he had been answered his eyes caught a sight of the party in the corner, who had ventured to turn his face around.

"Here," said Johnny, "you've got one of my railroad party, whose adventures I have detailed to you this evening."

"The devil!" said Spout.

"How unfortunate!" remarked Quackenbush.

"Are you seriously injured?" asked Van Dam of the man in the corner, who was no other than Overdale.

"Nary time," was Overdale's response. "But where's Dennis?" he asked.

"Here," said Dennis, as a head was seen to protrude from itself a coat-collar, like a tormented turtle from its shell, and, after some scrambling, Mr. Damon Dennis was erect and experimenting with his wooden leg, with the view of ascertaining whether it had suffered another fracture since the railroad experience.

Wagstaff also essayed forth from behind the capacious seat of the presiding dignitary of the club, and, after shaking the wrinkles out of himself, was once more himself.

Johnny Cake here introduced himself to the parties. They remembered him as having been one of the audience which listened to their free and easy concerts whilst travelling. They were then successively introduced to the different members of the club, all of whom expressed their regrets at having received them in so informal a manner, whilst Dennis, Overdale, and Wagstaff, protested that the apologies were useless, as they should not have made such an informal call. Mr. Spout again operated the telegraph for all parties, and when they were once more seated, Johnny Cake called on their uninvited guests for an explanation as to how they had found out their location. The statement was given by all three of the parties in disconnected sentences, sometimes one talking, and sometimes all. The narrations occupied about an hour in their delivery, and were replete with interest, but too long to be incorporated _verbatim_ into these veracious records. The facts disclosed, however, were substantially these:

After leaving the steamboat, they made their way to the Shanghae Hotel, without loss of life or further limb. Each had his carpet-bag in his hand, and having made a demonstration towards the hall-door, the attendants came out to relieve them of their loads. Unused as they were to a reception of this kind, their greeting was rather peculiar than otherwise. Overdale put his hands on his pockets, and told _his_ gentleman to clear out. Wagstaff, with great presence of mind, knocked _his_ down instanter. Dennis started to run, but finding his wooden leg impeded his speed, sat flat down on the sidewalk and called for a constable. Being eventually satisfied that the intentions of the individuals were honorable, they went into the house and placed their names on the register; Overdale, who did not understand this last performance, expressing his surprise that they should be required to sign a note for their board as soon as they came into the house. They were shown to separate rooms, and each proceeded to make himself as comfortable as his limited knowledge of the uses of the bedroom furniture would admit, preparatory to making his appearance in the dining-room. They were all shown this latter part of the establishment, after they had visited, arm-in-arm, the barber's shop, the ladies' parlor, and the hat-shop next door, in their vain search for something to eat.

As they entered the room, and the head waiter approached, for the purpose of showing them some seats, Overdale took his arm, and, having marched the whole length of the room, was finally seated at one end of the table, while his two companions were accommodated with chairs immediately opposite. Their exploits at their first dinner in the city were many--being all of them ignorant of napkins, and innocent of silver forks, their performances with those unknown articles were something out of the common order.

Having recovered from their first impression, that the bills of fare were religious tracts, left for the spiritual improvement of the boarders, by the Moral Reform Society, and having ascertained that they were in some way connected with the science of gastronomy, they proceeded to call for whatever they imagined would suit their palates. Wagstaff began with tarts, then taking a fancy to a jelly, he reached for them, and devoured them all, seventeen in number; and concluded his dinner by eating a shad without picking out the bones.

Dennis, had somewhere heard of ice cream, for which frigid monstrosity he immediately called; when it came, not knowing exactly how to dispose of it, and perceiving that other people made use of the bottles from the caster-stand, he concluded that it would be proper to season his cream in like manner. He began with the pepper, followed it with vinegar, kept on to the Cayenne, added a good quantity of oil, drowned it with ketchup, and then with unusual impartiality, not wishing to neglect any of the bottles, he poured Worcestershire sauce over the whole. He eat it with the mustard-spoon and pronounced it excellent.

Overdale seeing a gentleman, on leaving the table, throw down his napkin, called to him across the room that he had dropped his handkerchief, and then with the consciousness of having done a neighborly turn, he proceeded to eat his dinner. He studied for some time over his own napkin, but eventually concluded that it would be proper to put it in his chair, so that he would not soil the cushion, and accordingly disposed of it in that manner, and sat down upon it with great care, for fear he should tear it. He then opened his bill of fare at the wine-list, and after puzzling for some time over the names, put his finger in the middle, and told the waiter he would "have some of that." The servant perceiving how matters stood, and having compassion on his queer customer, brought him some soup. He at once set to work to eat it with his fork, in which attempt he scalded both his mouth and his fingers, whereupon he drank the water in his finger-bowl to cool his mouth, and wiped his fingers in his hair to reduce their temperature. The considerate waiter came once more to the rescue, and brought him some beef, and also performed the same kindness for Dennis, and probably saved him from absolute starvation. But Overdale, never remarkable for strict temperance, looked for something to drink, and perceiving nothing that looked juicy, save the bottles in the castor-stand, he took out one of them, and having filled an egg-cup with the contents thereof, drank it down. As it was salad oil, he did not feel disposed to repeat the experiment. Having cleaned his nails with a nut-pick, and pared an apple with a fish-slice, he concluded his performances by putting half a dozen fried oysters in his pocket and leaving the table.

At night they went immediately to bed, only finding their own rooms after poking their heads into every other apartment on the same floor, and eventually securing the services of the chambermaid as a guide.

Overdale having got this lady to light his gas, was not able to get to bed without doing something further extraordinary, so wishing to open his window, he called a boy to his door twenty-seven times, by pulling at the bell-rope, which he imagined to be connected, in some inexplicable manner, with the sash. He was at last ready to go to sleep, when he blew out his gas, and laid down on the carpet, covering himself with the hearth-rug, fearing to get into the bed lest he should rumple the sheets. He woke up subsequently, and yelled for a waiter. One happened to be passing in the hall at that moment, and answered his call. Overdale asked where the tavern-keeper was, as he wanted too see him. He didn't want to be imposed upon, if he was from the country, and considered it a huge imposition to put a man into a room which was right over an asafoetida factory. The waiter comprehended the nature of Mr. Overdale's difficulty, and explained to him the nature of carburetted hydrogen, and the mistake that he had made in blowing out the light, instead of turning off the gas. Mr. Overdale thanked the waiter for his valuable information, and after waiting for the room to be well ventilated, he retired to rest--this time, however, in the bed, the waiter having kindly explained to him that the bed-clothing was nicely adjusted for the express purpose of being rumpled up, in order to give employment to a useful class of the community known as chambermaids.

In the morning, by one of those curious coincidences which we know do happen, but for which we cannot account, our three rural friends found themselves, at precisely eight o'clock, in the bar-room, before the bar, and calling upon the major for something to drink. Each drank, after which they went in to breakfast.

The bill of fare not being so complicated as the one on the dinner-table the day previous, and being printed in good readable English, they had no difficulty in procuring breakfast entirely to their satisfaction. After arising, and supplying themselves with cigars, they started out on an exploring expedition through the city.

Overdale, having read a good deal about the various "lions" of the town, assumed to know all about it, and therefore Dennis and Wagstaff acquiesced in his taking the lead; Wagstaff taking notes of everything for the benefit of his children when he returned home.

They strayed into Taylor's saloon, which Overdale informed them was the Crystal Palace. Gurney's Daguerreotype Gallery he stated was the American Art Union. The three then took the cars on the corner of Canal street and Broadway, Overdale remarking that he hoped all their lives were insured, as they were now on the Camden and Amboy Railroad. Dennis hoped they would run off the track in such a way that his wooden leg would be again broken. He would then retire for a few weeks, swear that he had lost a leg by the accident, sue the company for fifty thousand dollars damages, compromise by accepting ten thousand, and then go to Kansas and set up a faro bank. As they passed the Jefferson Market fire-alarm bell-tower, Overdale said it was a shot tower, erected in revolutionary times. They then arrived at the real Crystal Palace, which Overdale declared answered to the descriptions he had read of Fulton Market. The submarine armor which was on exhibition, he explained was a flying machine. The statue of the Amazon was noted down in Wagstaff's book, upon the authority of Overdale, as a cast-iron black foot squaw, on a prairie mustang. The fountain was announced to be a patent frog-pond. After writing down an accurate description of the fire-engines and hose-carts (the first of which Overdale supposed to be perpetual self-acting locomotives, and the second a newly-invented threshing machine), Wagstaff proposed they should leave. The Croton Reservoir, Overdale stated was the gas-works. They then ascended the Latting Observatory, which their intelligent informant assured them was Trinity Church. From the altitude they here attained, they were favored with a view of a large extent of country. Overdale called the attention of his companions to the High Bridge over the Harlem river, of which they had an excellent view. He said that it was one of the few gigantic relics of the architecture of the Norsemen, whom he stated populated this country ten centuries before Columbus sculled over here in a scow-boat. This was the same bridge, he further remarked, which Edgar A. Hood, a historian, and an intimate friend of Nicholas Galileo, a poet of the sixteenth century, had spoken of as "bridge of size." Mr. Overdale stated that the squadron of pleasure-yachts anchored at Hoboken were a number of clam-sloops, which had probably been abandoned by their owners, because they were old and unseaworthy. Jersey City, he was inclined to believe, from its general description and situation, was the Sixth Ward, which he further stated was in the centre of the Five Points. The Penitentiary on Blackwell's Island, of which they had an excellent view, he informed them was the City Hall--the regular resort of the Common Scoundrels of the city. When they left the Observatory they strayed over into Avenue D, which, upon the word of the intelligent Overdale, Wagstaff described in his book as the Bowery. After mistaking the Dry Dock for the Battery, and a Williamsburg ferry boat for a Collins steamer, they continued to wander about, making divers mistakes, all of which were faithfully noted down as facts in Wagstaff's notebook. At eight o'clock in the evening, they found themselves in the Franklin Museum, whither they had gone on Overdale's invitation, to visit the Free Love Club. When the performance was over they sallied out, and fetched up in a German lager-bier saloon in William street, where the assembled Teutons were singing their national airs. For a moment Overdale was in doubt, but, after two minutes' thought, he informed his friends that they were in the Academy of Music, listening to an Italian Opera. When they left they were full of music, they having caught the inspiration from being in the presence of foreign artists, and immediately commenced to sing once more "Vilikins and his Dinah," with a strong chorus, but were almost immediately choked down by the police. They wandered about disconsolate, inquiring frequently of some hurrying passer-by where they could find the elephant, and receiving in reply to their interrogations a great variety of directions as to his whereabouts, from disinterested persons, all of which they noted down for reference. They searched an hour and a half for "my uncle, in the second story of the Fifth Avenue Railroad," which individual, they had been informed, could give them the desired information; they walked about four miles in search of "No. 1 'round the corner," at which place they had been assured, by a venerable female of Milesian accent who sold peanuts on the curb-stone, they would undoubtedly find the wished-for quadruped on exhibition. In the course of this latter search, as they were about to venture into a promising-looking saloon, for the purpose of procuring something to allay their thirst, Wagstaff caught a glimpse of the miniature elephant which was over the door of the club-room; and imagining that he had discovered the veritable animal, he uttered a cry of joy which attracted his companions to the same object, upon which they made a grand rush up the flight of stairs. Where they got to, and how they were received, is already told.

When the narrative had been concluded, Mr. John Spout, the Higholdboy of the club, declared in solemn terms, that, by virtue of his office, the three persons whose adventures had just been related by themselves should be henceforth considered members of the Elephantine order. He added that any member might object if he chose, but it wouldn't do him any good, as he should immediately overrule the objection, and kick the daring objector down stairs.

This persuasive manner of addressing the members had the desired effect. They were convinced by the gentle logic of their dignified superior officer, and they could not have the heart to oppose him had they felt so inclined.

Messrs. Wagstaff, Overdale, and Dennis, who were thus so summarily promoted, were solemnly sworn in on a boiled ham, after which all hands joined in singing, "We won't go home till morning." It may be proper to add, in respect to this last musical asseveration, and as a deserved tribute to the veracity of the persons concerned, that when they said they wouldn't go home till morning, _they didn't_.

THE COLORED CAMP-MEETING.

There is a divinity that shapes our ends,
Rough----

SHAKSPEARE.

An evening or two after the facts related in the last chapter of this veritable and never-to--be-believed history, the members of the club were seated in silent deliberation round their table, each man smoking a short pipe by a special order of the council; an unusual commotion was noticed at the end of the table where John Spout was supposed to be anchored. First the smoke, which had settled, in a thick, hazy layer, upon everything, and concealed the members from each other, as if they had mutually pulled the wool over each other's eyes until all were for a time invisible, was observed to wave to and fro, as if agitated by some powerfully moving cause, concealed from the observers by the fragrant tobacco fog which had been raised by the joint exertions of the assembled multitude. A few minutes more disclosed the arm of John Spout, working like an insane windmill, backwards and forwards, to open a clear space, and make himself visible to the naked eye.

After the lapse of some little time, and the expenditure of no small amount of muscular power in this interesting exercise, the ruddy beef-face of the Higholdboy beamed forth from the encircling mist, like a good-natured light-house, which had been on a spree the night before, and got up with a red nose, in consequence of the nocturnal dissipation. As soon as he had cleared a space about him large enough for him to speak without danger of suffocation, he announced that he had a proposition to lay before the honorable body, and proceeded to state that he had observed in a morning paper an advertisement of a camp-meeting, to be held at a distance from the city easily accessible, by a 2'40" team, in a couple of hours. He, moreover, went on to say, that the presiding officers of the gospel-hunt were to be of a sable complexion, and that the greater part of the congregation was expected to be of the same color--in fact, it was to be what a Bowery boy would, in his peculiar, but not inexpressive dialect, call a "Nigger Methodist Camp Meeting." The proposition of the pious Mr. Spout was that the Elephants should pack their pockets, and proceed to the scene of action, for the purpose of picking up any superfluous piety that might be lying around loose, and of making themselves generally agreeable, and having a good time all round.

The suggestion was listened to with approval, and it was unanimously

_Resolved_, that the Elephants proceed to the campground in the morning.

A special committee, consisting of the entire club, was appointed to see that every person was provided with all the necessaries of life, and the requisites for having a juicy time.

In consideration of his being the mover of the scheme, it was moved that J. Spout, Esq., should be empowered to procure from the livery-stable the necessary conveyances, and should become personally responsible for the same.

The proposition was agreed to, with a clause to the effect that when he paid the bill he should treat the company with the change.

Each man then appointed every other man a committee to raise the means, and keep himself sober until the appointed hour, after which they adjourned to prepare.

At eight, by the City Hall clock (and, of course, half-past eight by every other clock in the city) next morning, the convention was incomplete.

For an hour there were three men lacking; but Mr. John I. Cake finally made his appearance, with his breeches tucked into his boots, a horsewhip in his hand, and a suspicious-looking protuberance immediately over his left coat pocket. The attention of the company being called to this, Johnny explained by saying that it was his Testament and hymn-book, and that he had been all the morning engaged in turning down the leaves at the proper places, so that he might not be interrupted in his devotions. A half hour longer was appropriated in waiting for Wagstaff and Overdale, but at the end of that time, those two worthies failing to appear, the party resolved to start without them, Boggs remarking, that if those tardy individuals failed to reach Heaven because of their religious shortcomings, they could not say, in extenuation of their offence, that their fraternal Elephants had not waited a sufficient time to give them an opportunity for salvation.

The vehicles provided for the occasion were two single buggies, into which all seven of the party were to pack themselves, a feat which was finally accomplished, much to the detriment of Johnny Cake's shirt-collar, and greatly to the discomfiture of Quackenbush, who had to sit in behind, and let his legs hang over.

Van Dam took the reins of the foremost carriage, and his first exploit was to run the wheel against the curb-stone, and spill the party into a coal-hole, from which they were rescued by the exertions of the bystanders. They once more started on their journey, under the supervision of Quackenbush, who was recalled from the stern of the craft, and made to assume the guidance of the crazy horse.

Van Dam, on being deprived of his charge, immediately went to sleep, and waked no more, except when his companions roused him to pay the toll, which they did at every gate, until there was no more small change in his pockets than there is gunpowder in a tom-cat, after which they offered to pay every time with a twenty-dollar bill, and as no one would assume the responsibility of changing it, they passed free, and proceeded merrily enough until they reached the encampment of the devout darkeys.

There being no taverns immediately adjoining, the horses were made as comfortable as circumstances would admit of, under a beech-tree, in a clover-field, and the human part of the Elephantine delegation marched in an exceedingly irregular procession to the camp ground; the line of march being occasionally thrown into disorder by John Spout, who persisted in making protracted and strenuous efforts to squeeze something wet out of a Schiedam schnapps bottle, which had been dry as a powder-horn ever since Quackenbush had his last pull at it.

A description of the sylvan scene which met their metropolitan gaze may not be out of place.

It was in a clearing, in a piece of beech and maple woods. Stands were erected for some of the prominent speakers; slabs were laid from stump to stump, for the accommodation of such of the brothers and sisters as desired to sit still and listen to the preaching, and in places straw was laid on the ground, for the special benefit of such as had the "power," and wanted to get down on the ground and have a private tussle with the devil on their own account. Stands were erected under the trees, in the shadiest spots, by enterprising white folks, for the sale of gingerbread and root-beer, and it was rumored that some speculators, distrusting the appearance of the "sperits of just men made perfeck," had supplied their place with other spirits, full as potent and equally reliable.

The grass might have been agreeable to look upon at a distance, but a close inspection showed it to be full of pismires; the stumps would have been commodious seats, if they had not been most of them previously appropriated by black-snakes; the sleeping places would have been tents, if they had not been huts, and a poetical fancy might have pictured them as being constructed of canvas, white as the driven snow, but the practical mind instantly discovered that they were made of oak slabs and dirty horse-blankets. Some imaginative people would have set down the speaking of the ministers as eloquence if not inspiration, but a critical individual would have found fault with the bad grammar, and insinuated that the inspiration was all perspiration.

At the north end of the ground, a big darkey in his shirt-sleeves was mounted on a platform, preaching to a crowd, who seemed, by their vermicular contortions, to be possessed of a legion of eely devils. On the west side, a fat wench was stirring up the fire under a big kettle of soup, seemingly composed principally of onions and ham; in a sly corner a red-shirt b'hoy was displaying the mysterious evolutions of the "little joker," and two small specimens of ebony juvenility were playing euchre on a basswood log; opposite to these, mounted on a cider barrel, a molasses-colored gentleman was going through a rather extraordinary performance; he had preached till his audience had all left him; then shouted "Hallelujah," and "Glory," till he was hoarse; had sung hymns in a spasmodic whisper till his voice gave entirely out, and now, in despair at being unable to speak, yet compelled to work off his superabundant religion, as if he were a locomotive with too big a head of steam on, he was dancing on one leg, and kicking the other about in a kind of perpetual pigeon-wing, and tossing his arms upwards in a wild and original manner, as if he was using his utmost endeavors to climb to heaven on an invisible tarred rope.

To the shouts of the men, and the screams of the women who had got too much religion, was added the laughter of the outsiders, who hadn't got enough religion, and the swearing of the gamblers, who hadn't got any religion; and to complete the harmony, from a neighboring pasture was wafted the roars of a herd of cattle, applauding, in their own peculiar manner, an extemporaneous bull-fight.

Mr. Dropper gave it as his opinion, that camp-meeting religion, if analyzed, would be found to consist of equal parts of rum, rowdyism, and insanity. As, however, it was deemed improper to decide without a complete examination of the premises, it was resolved to proceed in company to explore the place.

Quackenbush, who had resumed his nap on the grass, was roused, and after getting the grasshoppers out of his hair, the sand-flies out of his ears, and pulling off his boots to look for centipedes, he was declared ready for active duty, and they proceeded on their march.

They found in a side hut of more pretentious appearance than the rest, that there was something unusual going on, and upon inquiring, discovered that one of the fragrant flock having transgressed, he was then having his trial before the "session."

The party moved on to where the minister in his shirt-sleeves was edifying a small, but select, not to say noisy, congregation. The audience seemed to be affected much in the same manner as a strong shock of electricity will stir up a crowd of boys who have all got hold of the same wire. As there seemed to be a prospect of fun, the Elephants made a temporary halt to witness the same.

The sermon was now concluded, and the shirt-sleeve-man kneeled down on the platform and began to pray; he must have had no inconsiderable amount of similar exercise before, for the knees of his pantaloons were worn entirely through, and there was a large hole behind where he had sat upon his heels.

No sooner had he fairly commenced praying than some of the more energetic in the crowd began to groan; when he made a thorny point, and said something about the "arrow of conviction," some fat wench would sing out "Glory;" when he put in a touch about hell fire and other torrid climates, they would cry out "Yes, Lord." And when he put in an extra lick about repentance, and death, and damnation, and other pleasant luxuries, the whole crowd fairly screamed with excitement.

At length a powerful darkey, with a head like a cord of No. 1 curled hair, and with nothing on to hide his black anatomy but a pair of thin breeches and a blue shirt, began to give unequivocal manifestations of the workings of his faith; first he kicked a woman with his right leg, then he kicked a little boy with his left, then he punched one of the brethren in the stomach, then he stepped on the toes of a grey-haired class-leader, but, as both were barefooted, no harm was done; then he yelled like seven Indians, and howled like seven Irishmen, and danced about like a whole regiment of crazy Dutchmen. When he opened his mouth, the minister dodged the yawning chasm, and the man fell down and sprawled about in the mud, striking about with his arms and legs, as if he were swimming on a bet, and was only two minutes from the stake-boat. At last he ceased to move, and stiffened out as if he had suddenly swallowed a rifle-barrel, which stuck in his throat like Macbeth's amen. The damaged brethren gathered round; the sisters, after giving their injured shins a consoling rub, also came to the rescue, and the man was picked up. He was foaming at the mouth; his teeth were set together so that a fence-stake was required to pry them apart; his shirt was unbuttoned (his pantaloons had unbuttoned themselves); a pailful of water out of the nearest frog-pond was dashed in his face, and he soon so far recovered himself as to ask for corn whisky. All immediately sang, with a strong chorus, a thanksgiving hymn, that his soul was saved; though what connection there was between corn whisky and salvation puzzled the Elephantines some, if not more.

When this interesting episode in the day's performance was concluded, the participants picked themselves up, and prepared to again besiege Satan in his stronghold, the north side of Sebastopol of the hearts of sinful niggers. Singing was the first feature, and the hymn was of a style unique, and, to the Elephants, highly refreshing. In point of comparison they had never known anything like it, and the execution was incomparable to anything known to exist by them. An athletic colored individual sang the words of the hymn, and, after each verse, the whole congregation would join in the swelling chorus.

The effect of the hymn was electric. No less than twenty-seven colored females were seized with spasmodic religion, whilst over a dozen of the sterner sex found themselves unable to longer resist the thirsting of the spirit for religious nourishment, and they, too, fell over, and, amid the howling, kicking, singing, shouting and indescribable confusion that followed, Mr. Quackenbush expressed it as his opinion that chaos had come.

But Mr. Boggs was seriously affected by the performance. He fell down in the grass, and laughed, and rolled, and positively refused to be comforted or get up, until the rest of the company ran sticks in his ears, and put last year's chestnut-burs down his back. When he had sufficiently recovered, the members of the club renewed their investigations. They listened to several exhortations and hymns, and then peeped under the horse-blanket tents. In one they saw a youthful wench, trying to pray with her mouth full of cold sausage. Her efforts were useless, and becoming satisfied of this fact herself, she concluded, very sensibly, to no longer try to save her soul on an empty stomach, but see to her bodily wants first. Before she had got ready to pray again she had drank a pint of gin, which so heightened her religious enthusiasm that she made a dive among the pious elders, gave four shouts of glory, and fell into the arms of a venerable gentleman, who divided his time for the next hour in kissing the young sister, and crying amen and glory in alternation.

At last, the Elephants concluded to return to the city. They piled themselves into the vehicles, and by means of sundry persuasive arguments, the horses were induced to reach the livery-stable, rather warm, inside of two hours.

After the party had stowed away divers beefsteaks and onions, and other articles of food, they ascended into the club-room. Here they found Overdale and Wagstaff, both asleep. They were awakened, and, in a peremptory manner, the Higholdboy demanded to know why they had not been on hand in the morning at the place of rendezvous, to witness the sable performance in the rural districts. The answers of the two offending individuals differed. Wagstaff assigned as a reason that he was asleep, whereas Overdale stated that he wasn't awake. The Higholdboy announced himself satisfied with the answers.

FURTHER DISCOVERIES.

"There is a tide in the affairs of men,
Which taken at the flood leads on----"

WITH the facts contained in our last chapter, the members of the Elephantine order may be said to have fairly begun their herculean labors. Certain it is that all the spare time they could command was devoted to an investigation into the particular speciality in zoological science, for which the club had been organized; and certain it is that the prospect of some rare contribution from members at the next regular meeting was good.

The meeting night arrived at length, the members were all present, and punctual to the hour.

The Higholdboy had brought with him a pair of boxing-gloves, which he announced were to be used in this wise: He was determined to keep order in the meetings, and this, too, even if he had to resort to severe means to do so. But actuated by the same feelings of benevolence which animated the legislators who caused the passage of laws to prevent cruelty to animals, he did not want to do physical injury to the refractory members of the club. Therefore, he had brought the aforesaid boxing-gloves, so that when he knocked a member down, he wouldn't either draw blood or give him a black eye.

This humane considerateness on the part of Mr. Spout was warmly commended by the brethren, and Mr. Quackenbush, in behalf of the club,

_Resolved_, that the Higholdboy is a model presiding officer.

This resolution in behalf of the club was adopted by Mr. Quackenbush.

Overdale here arose and said that he fully coincided with the spirit of the resolution; he had a proposition to make, however, which was to order up some cold corned beef, celery, mustard, rolls, and butter, provided he would consent to let the members keep order after their own fashion.

This appeal to Mr. Spout's feelings was irresistible, and he gave his full consent, saying that that was all he had contemplated under any circumstances, and if they could ring in Overdale for the feed, it was so much gained. It was accordingly ordered that Overdale give his order.

Mr. Boggs said that boxing-gloves forcibly reminded him of some experience he had had several years previously. Though a person by no means thin, and notwithstanding the fact that he had been for years troubled with chronic good health, yet, from reading at that time various physiological works, he had become convinced, that from the want of proper physical training, his dissolution might be considered near at hand, unless he took immediate measures to save his precious life by means of active exercise. He accordingly visited the gymnasiums, but the idea of putting himself into such fantastic shapes as he saw young men doing, was to him not to be thought of. Further, he was decidedly opposed to the idea of making himself the laughing-stock of a set of young rascals by his awkward efforts in his incipient progress. Whilst he was yet undecided, a friend suggested to him that he procure a couple of pairs of boxing-gloves, and practise with them. "Having purchased the gloves," continued Mr. Boggs, "I was still at a loss to know how to proceed. I didn't want to practice with anybody, because I knew that my awkwardness would make mirth for them, and to this I was decidedly opposed. Under these circumstances I resorted to other means. In the garret of the house in which I lived was a mammoth stove--in fact, gentlemen, a stove which I could strike and not knock over, which would not laugh at me in my attacks, and therefore a stove with which I made up my mind to have a few rounds each day.

"The next day I went up into the garret. There stood the sable champion of heavy weight, and, for the first time in my life, I stripped myself of my coat, to fight without being appalled. The stove loomed up in giant proportions; I stood before it, and squared off as well as I knew how. I imagined I saw the stove's right fist coming at my left eye. I parried off the blow, which, without doubt, would have been aimed at me, had the stove had a right fist as I imagined, and with my right fist I planted a stunner in the place where his bread-basket should have been. The result was a powerful reaction, and I found myself sprawling on the floor. I ascertained that I was not damaged, and wisely determined then that I would not strike such powerful blows in the future.

"I again squared off, and began putting in the blows in rapid succession, whilst I managed successfully to keep my adversary from hitting me in even one of the many attempts which I imagined he made. I kept up the practice about an hour.

"The next day I resumed my practice, and I kept it up for several weeks, when I fancied that I was sufficiently expert to 'travel on my muscle.'

"To be sure, I had fought an inanimate object, which could not strike; still, in the tussles I had imagined the stove striking at me from all conceivable directions, and I had not only been able to guard-off these imaginary blows, but I had shown the stove that I could put in a few astonishers between times.

"I was ready now for practice with a living adversary. But who was he to be? that was the question. I was still unwilling to call in any of my acquaintances, as I might possibly after all be found _veni, vidi, vici_, as we say in the classics, which, when translated into English, means weighed in the balance and found short (suppressed snickers).

"One day, as I was cogitating upon the matter in front of the house, a big nigger, full six feet in height, came along. He looked as if he wanted a job, and with a good deal of trepidation, I ventured to ask him if I was right in supposing him anxious to make a half-dollar. I found him to be an eager candidate for any position, from a cashier of a bogus bank up to a boot-black. I took him up in the garret and disclosed to him the nature of my desires, and took occasion to inform him that I would give him a half-dollar for two hours services per day, and a quarter in addition never to say a word about the matter; to this he assented, and I told him to put on the gloves. He took the dirty pair out of respect to me (not taking into consideration the probable consequence to me, in case of his succeeding in putting in a few licks), and I took the clean pair.