Chapter IX: Mr. Tompkins’s Small Story (5)

MINNIE. ’Cause they’re so pretty, and so cunning!

HITTIE. So they are, Minnie.

MINNIE. And they keep with the flowers all the time, and eat honey.

ARTHUR. They eat the little mites of insects as much as they do honey.

EDITH. My brother found a humming-bird’s nest. Oh, the inside of it was just as soft as wool! and little bits of white eggs, just like little bits of white beans.

DORA (_looking at_ EVA, _and taking her hand_). Now, here’s a little girl sitting still all this time, and not saying a word.

CAROLINE. I know it. Isn’t she a dear little girl? (_Stroking her hair._)

MARY. She ought to be a dove, she’s so gentle and still.

DEBBIE. You dear little pigeon-dove, what bird would you be?

EVA (_looking up_). Sparrow.

MARY. You would? And what would you be a sparrow for?

EVA. ’Cause my mamma said not a sparrow falls to the ground.

(_The girls look at each other._)

DEBBIE (_softly_). Isn’t she cunning?

MARY _and_ DORA (_softly_). I think she’s just as cunning as she can be.

JOE. Fred hasn’t said what he’d be yet.

FRED. Eagle. He’s the grandest of all. He can fly right in the face of the sun.

JOHNNY. Eagles can beat every other bird.

JOE. Of course, Fred wouldn’t be any thing short of an eagle.

FRED. No: nor any thing short of the American eagle.

ALL THE BOYS. Three cheers for the American eagle!

ALL TOGETHER. Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah!

(_Curtain falls. Or, if there be no curtain, a boy rushes in to
tell them the organ-man is coming, and they all rush out._)

SHOPPING.—A DIALOGUE FOR THE VERY LITTLE ONES.

CHARACTERS.

CLERK.
ANNIE.
OLD LADY.
CELIA.
MRS. HIGHFLY.
MR. JONES.

SCENE.—_A shop. Tables are placed at one end of the stage to
represent counters. Upon these are displayed toys, confectionery,
boxes, or any thing which will indicate a shop. Advertisements
of patent medicines and of other things might be hung up. White
pebbles may pass for sugar-plums. Sticks whittled out and colored
will do for sticks of candy. A little boy of seven or eight may be
dressed up to represent a smart clerk or storekeeper (with a pen
behind his ear). The other actors should be younger._ CELIA _and_
ANNIE, _two very little girls, enter at one end of the stage_.

CELIA. O Annie! did your mother give you a cent?

ANNIE. Yes. See! (_Holds it out._)

CELIA. Want me to go with you to spend it?

ANNIE. Yes, come. There’s the shop.

CELIA. Will you let me taste?

ANNIE. If you won’t taste very big.

CELIA. I will only take just a little _teenty teenty_ mite. (_They cross over._)

ANNIE. Here’s the shop.

CLERK. Well, my little girls, what will you have?

CELIA. She wants to spend her cent.

CLERK. That’s right. This is the place.

ANNIE. I want a stick of candy.

CLERK. Red candy?

ANNIE. No, sir. Mamma says white candy is best for little girls.

(CLERK _wraps stick of candy in paper, and takes the cent. Little
girls walk away, hand in hand._ ANNIE _lets_ CELIA _taste_. CELIA
_and_ ANNIE _go out_.)

(_Enter_ MRS. HIGHFLY, _fashionably dressed, with trail, veil, waterfall, reticule, parasol, &c._)

CLERK (_with polite bow_). Good-morning, Mrs. Highfly.

MRS. HIGHFLY. Have you any canary-seeds? I wish to get some for my bird.

CLERK. We have all kinds of flower-seeds, ma’am.

MRS. HIGHFLY. Those won’t do. Have you nice prunes?

CLERK. We don’t keep prunes. We have some very nice squashes, ma’am. (_Takes long-necked squash from behind the counter._)

MRS. HIGHFLY. What do you ask?

CLERK. Six cents a pound.

MRS. HIGHFLY. I’ll take half a one. My family is quite small.

CLERK. Can’t cut it, ma’am. It sells by wholesale.

MRS. HIGHFLY. I’ll try some other store.

[_Exit_ MRS. HIGHFLY _in displeasure_.

(_Enter nice_ OLD LADY, _dressed in black; white cap-frill shows
under her bonnet: she carries a work-bag, and wears spectacles
(without glasses); makes a little courtesy_.)

OLD LADY. Good-morning, sir. I’ve come to town, and I want to buy some sugar-plums for my grandchildren.

CLERK. Large or small kind?

OLD LADY. Which are the best?

CLERK. Large ones are better for large children, and small for the small ones.

OLD LADY (_counts her fingers_). Let me see. There’s Sarah Emeline and Polly and Jemima and John Alexander and Hiram,—five. I’ll take five cents’ worth, mixed. (_Takes out from her bag five old-fashioned cents._)

CLERK. Yes’m. (_Attempting to wrap them in paper_, OLD LADY _watching him_.) ’Twill come to just five cents.

OLD LADY (_opening bag_). Drop them right in here. (CLERK _drops them in_.)

[_Exit_ OLD LADY.

(_Enter_ MR. JONES _with tall hat, overcoat or dress-coat, cane, stand-up dicky, &c._)

CLERK. Good-morning, sir. Wish to trade to-day?

MR. JONES. I wish to buy some toys for my children.

CLERK. How old are your children?

MR. JONES. All ages.

CLERK. Would you like a whip, sir? (_Shows one, snapping it._)

MR. JONES. Well, a whip isn’t a very good thing to have in the house.

CLERK. Would you buy a ball? These will every one bounce. (_Shows various kinds._)

MR. JONES. No, _sir_. I’m about tired of setting glass.

CLERK. These are warranted not to break windows. But here’s a trumpet. A trumpet is a very pleasing toy. (_Shows one, blowing it._)

MR. JONES (_with a wave of the hand_). Don’t show me any thing that will make a noise.

CLERK. How would a hoop suit you? (_Showing one._)

MR. JONES. I couldn’t think of spending money for hoops. A barrel-hoop drives just as well.

CLERK. Have they got marbles?

MR. JONES. Yes, plenty. My Sammy got one in his throat, and came very near being choked.

CLERK. Try a jumping-jack. (_Holds one up, pulling the string._)

MR. JONES. Oh! they’d soon break the string.

CLERK. How would a knife please them? (_Shows one._)

MR. JONES. Well enough. But they’d be sure to lose it, or cut themselves. Jemmy’s got six fingers tied up now.

CLERK. Are they supplied with boats? (_Showing one._)

MR. JONES. I never let my children sail boats, for fear of their being drowned.

CLERK. How is it about a kite?

MR. JONES. Kites are likely to blow away.

CLERK. Perhaps you’d like something useful.

MR. JONES. My children don’t like useful things.

CLERK. Here’s a good hatchet. (_Shows hatchet._)

MR. JONES. They’d hack my fruit-trees.

CLERK. A hammer?

MR. JONES. Nails would be driven in everywhere.

CLERK. Buy a doll for your little girl. (_Shows doll._)

MR. JONES. She has a houseful now.

CLERK. A silver thimble?

MR. JONES. A pewter one does as well to lose.

CLERK. You are a hard customer, sir.

MR. JONES. Not at all. Your wares don’t suit me.

CLERK. We expect a new lot of toys in soon.

MR. JONES (_going_). I’ll call again. Good-morning.

CLERK. Good-day, sir.

[_Exit_ MR. JONES.

NOTE.—If the part of the clerk is too long for one small boy
to remember, another one dressed as the storekeeper, with gray
whiskers and wig (made of curled hair), might come in and take his
place when Mr. Jones enters. In this case the clerk should sit
down and look over his account-books, and appear to write. If the
conversation with Mr. Jones is too long, part of it may be omitted;
and, if the articles mentioned are not at hand, others may be
substituted.

MAY-DAY INDOORS; OR, THE YOTOPSKI FAMILY’S REHEARSAL.

CHARACTERS.

ARTHUR, _William Tell_. NED, _the Tyrant_. TOMMY, _Tell’s Son_.
GEORGE. CAROLINE, LUCY, ANNA, POLLY, KATE. _Girls are dressed in
white, with bright sashes, and have little flags._ GEORGE _has a
larger flag_.

SCENE.—_Room in residence of_ NED, POLLY, _and_ TOMMY.
_Lunch-baskets, &c., on chairs._ POLLY _sits, holding her hat,
shawl, and sack_. TOMMY _is seated on the floor, playing with
marbles_. NED, _a much larger boy, leans over a chair-back_.

NED (_dolefully_). We shall have to give it up, Polly. No May-party to-day. (_Goes to window._)

POLLY (_earnestly_). Oh! _don’t_ you think the clouds will blow over?

NED. The whole sky will have to blow over. It’s all lead-color.

POLLY (_sighing_). Oh, dear, dear, _dear_!

(_Voices heard outside. Enter, with a rush_, CAROLINE, LUCY, ANNA,
KATE, GEORGE, _and_ ARTHUR, _with baskets, tin pails, &c. The
boys’ hats are trimmed with evergreen, the girls’ with wreaths
and posies. The girls have baskets of flowers._ TOMMY _leaves off
playing with his marbles to watch the new-comers_.)

GEORGE (_throwing down a long coil of evergreen_). Here we come!

LUCY (_almost out of breath, and speaking fast_). Yes, here we come, pell-mell! It’s going to pour!

CAROLINE (_speaking just as_ LUCY _finishes_). Oh, how we _have_ hurried! I felt a great drop fall on my nose.

ANNA (_speaking just as_ CAROLINE _finishes_). And think of our dresses!—span-clean white dresses!

KATE (_speaking just as_ ANNA _finishes_). No procession to-day!—no dancing around the May-pole!

(ARTHUR _throws up his hat, and catches it_. GEORGE _does the
same_.)

LUCY. They got all that evergreen to trim the May-pole; and George brought his flag.

NED. If it had only been pleasant to-day, I’d have let it rain a week afterward.

GEORGE (_stepping to the window_). There!—it pours! It’s lucky we hurried.

POLLY. Now all of you stay here and keep May-day with us (_clapping hands_). Do, do!

CAROLINE. Will your mother like it?

POLLY. I’ll go ask her. (_Runs out._)

NED. Anyway, you can’t go till it holds up. (_Girls go to the window._)

ARTHUR. That may not be for a week. (_Enter_ POLLY _in haste_.)

POLLY. She says we may do _any thing_ but make ’lasses-candy.

NED. The last time we made it, father said he found some in his slipper-toes.

(_Girls take off hats and shawls, which, with baskets, &c., are
placed in a corner. Some take seats with some confusion; others
remain standing._)

ARTHUR. Now what shall we do with ourselves?

NED. Let’s get up an entertainment. Tickets ten cents; grown folks, double price.

KATE. So _I_ say; and call ourselves a “troupe,” or a “family,” or something.

GEORGE. Something that has a foreign sound.

ARTHUR. How would “Yotopski” do?

CAROLINE, LUCY, _and_ ANNA. Splendid!

ANNA. Let’s call ourselves “The Yotopski Family.”

LUCY. But what shall we have for our entertainment?

POLLY. I think _tableaux_ are perfectly splendid.

ANNA. Oh, I’ll tell you! Have the kind that winds up.

GEORGE. Why, all entertainments wind up when they are done.

ANNA. I mean, have each one wound up with a key, and then they move.

ARTHUR. She means Mrs. Jarley’s Wax-works.

NED. All right. We’ll have the winding kind.

CAROLINE. What wax-works shall we have?

NED. We might have William Tell shooting the apple, for one.

TOMMY. I’ve seen that! ’Twill take three to do that,—Mr. Tell, and his son, and the cross tyrant.

GEORGE. And the apple makes four.

ANNA. Who’ll be Mr. Tell?—you, Ned?

NED. No; I’d rather be the cross tyrant: I feel just right for that. Arthur’ll be Mr. Tell.

ARTHUR. Oh, yes! I’ll be Mr. Tell; and Tommy can be the boy. (TOMMY _moves toward the door_.) Where are you going, Tommy?

TOMMY (_going out_). After my bow’n’arrow.

LUCY (_bringing an apple from her basket_). Here’s the apple.

CAROLINE. What shall we do for a feather? Mr. Tell’s hat must have a feather.

KATE. Twist up a piece of newspaper. (_Turns_ ARTHUR’S _hat up at one side, and fastens it with a twist of paper, left open at the top_.) There you have it! And Polly’s sack, turned wrong side out, will do for a tunic.

(ARTHUR _puts on hat and sack. Sack is lined with a bright color, or with different colors._)

POLLY. He ought to have a wide sash.

LUCY (_taking off hers_). Here, take mine!

POLLY. Not that kind of a sash!

ANNA. Oh, that won’t do!

CAROLINE. It should be a scarf.

NED (_tying sash at the side, around_ ARTHUR’S _waist_). Oh! never mind, we’re only rehearsing.

LUCY. How must the cross tyrant be dressed? Who knows?

ANNA. The tyrant I saw had a cape hung on one shoulder. A shawl will do for that. (_Brings shawl, which_ NED _hangs over his left shoulder_.) Now, what must he wear on his head?

LUCY. I should think a tyrant ought to wear a tall hat.

POLLY (_going_). I’ll get father’s.

ANNA (_to_ POLLY). And something bright to put on it. I remember that part plainly.

GEORGE (_calling after_ POLLY). And something long, for a sword. (_Exit_ POLLY.)

CAROLINE. If the boys do that, can’t we girls make ourselves into wax-works?

ANNA. Let’s be a May-day wax-work, singing and dancing round a May-pole.

GEORGE. I’ll be the pole.

CAROLINE. But you’re not long enough.

GEORGE (_mounting a chair_). Now I am!

GIRLS (_laughing and clapping_). Oh, yes; oh, yes! He’ll do! Trim him up; trim him up!

NED (_to_ GEORGE). Yes. Come down and be trimmed up.

(GEORGE _steps down, stands erect, arms close to his body_. GIRLS
_hand garlands_. NED _winds them around_ GEORGE.)

KATE. Shall we hoist the flag?

NED. Oh, yes! bring the flag. And here’s a string (_taking ball of string out of pocket_) to fasten it on with. (NED _fastens the flag-stick to_ GEORGE’S _head by winding the string around, then helps him mount the chair_.) Three cheers for the flag! Now,—One, two, three! (_All cheer and clap._)

(_Enter_ POLLY _with an old hat and a poker_.)

POLLY. Won’t this hat do? Mother can’t have father’s good one banged about.

GEORGE. Oh! that’s good enough. We’re only rehearsing. Did you get something bright?

(NED _puts on hat_.)

POLLY (_taking out yellow bandanna handkerchief_). Mother said this was quite bright.

ANNA. Why, I meant something shiny, like a clasp, or a buckle.

KATE. No matter: we’re only rehearsing.

(NED _ties handkerchief round the hat, so that the corners hang down_.)

POLLY (_hands the poker_). Here’s your sword. That’s the longest thing I could find.

(_All laugh._ NED _seizes poker, and strikes a military attitude.
Enter_ TOMMY _with bow and arrow_.)

TOMMY. Where shall I stand up?

ARTHUR. Come this way (_leads_ TOMMY _to one side the stage_; NED _follows_). Ned, you must scowl and look fierce. Tommy, fold your arms, and stand still as a post.

(_Puts apple on_ TOMMY’S _head, and takes aim with bow and arrow_.)

TOMMY. Oh, I’m afraid! Look out for my eyes! The arrow might go off!

ARTHUR. I’ll put the apple in the chair.

(TOMMY _stands motionless_. ARTHUR _aims at apple in the chair_.
NED _stands by with drawn sword; then all three resume their former
position_.)

KATE. Now, we girls must stand around the May-pole (_they gather around the pole_). Who’ll wind?

THE GIRLS. You, you, you!

POLLY. What a little circle! I wish we had more girls.

KATE. So do I. (_To_ ANNA.) How shall I wind up the wax-works?

ANNA. The ones I saw all stood on a string, and the string led to a box; and, when the box was wound up, the wax-works began to act their parts. A door-key will do to wind with.

KATE. We’ll manage in the same way.

(_Lays a long string on the floor, passes it under the feet of the
wax-works, and drops the end of it in a work-box upon the table._)

ARTHUR. Don’t you think you girls ought to be holding your posies, and your flags, and your flower-baskets, and wearing your wreaths? They’ll make your wax-work look handsomer.

CAROLINE. So they will.

(_Girls get their posies, little flags, and baskets, take wreaths
from hats, and put them on their heads._)

ANNA. You must take a key, and pretend to wind up the machinery. What song shall we sing?

LUCY. “The merry month of May” is perfectly splendid.

CAROLINE. I wonder if we know the words. Let’s try. (_They sing a May-song._)

KATE. That’s a good song. Now then! All ready! Stand in your places (_gets the door-key_). Arms folded, Tommy! When I’ve done winding up, Arthur will begin to take aim, Ned will begin to scowl and to hold up his sword, and you girls will begin to sing and dance around. Can’t you hold your hands high, so the flowers and flags will show? (_Girls raise their hands._) That’s prettier. Now all stand just as still as real wax-works till the machinery is wound up; then begin. We’ll play, that, when I throw up my handkerchief, the curtain falls. Now!

(KATE _winds the machinery, the actors remaining quiet. When
the winding stops, they begin to perform their parts. When the
dancers have danced twice around the circle_, KATE _throws up her
handkerchief_.)

(CURTAIN FALLS.)

(_If desirable, more singing and dancing can be introduced under pretence of practising._)

Transcriber’s Notes

pg 185 Changed: the air is so fragant here
to: the air is so fragrant here