Chapter XI: Book V: I (1)

The monk that Lamme captured, perceiving that the Beggars did not desire to have him dead, but paying ransom, began to lift up his nose on board the ship:

"See," quoth he, marching and wagging his head furiously, "see in what a gulf of vile, black, and foul abominations I have fallen in setting foot on this wooden tub. Were I not here, I whom the Lord anointed...."

"With dog's grease?" asked the Beggars.

"Dogs yourselves," replied the monk, continuing his discourse, "aye, mangy dogs, strays, defiled, starveling, that have fled out of the rich pathway of our Mother the Holy Roman Church to enter upon the parched highway of your tattered Reformed Church. Aye! if I were not here in your wooden shoe, your tub, long since would the Lord have swallowed it up in the deepest gulfs of the sea, with you, your accursed arms, your devils' cannon, your singing captain, your blasphemous crescents, aye! down to the very deeps of the unfathomable bottom of Satan's kingdom, where ye will not burn, nay, but where ye shall freeze, shall shiver, shall die of cold throughout all long eternity. Yea! the God of heaven will thus quench the fire of your impious hate against our sweet Mother the Holy Roman Church, against messieurs the saints, messeigneurs the bishops and the blessed edicts that were so mildly and so ripely devised. Aye! and I should see you from the peak of paradise, purple as beetroots or white as turnips so cold ye should be. 'T sy! 't sy! 't sy! So, so, so, so be it."

The sailors, soldiers, and cabin boys jeered at him, and shot dried peas at him through peashooters. And he covered his face with his hands against this artillery.

II

The duke of blood having quitted the country, Messires de Medina-Coeli and De Requesens governed it with less cruelty. Then the States General ruled them in the name of the king.

Meanwhile, the folk of Zealand and of Holland, most lucky by reason of the sea and their dykes, which are natural ramparts and fortresses to them, opened free temples to the God of free men; and the murderous Papists might sing their hymns beside them; and Monseigneur the Silent of Orange refrained from founding a royal dynasty of stadtholders.

The Belgian country was ravaged by the Walloons who were dissatisfied by the peace of Ghent, which, men said, was to quench all hatreds. And these Walloons, Pater-noster knechter, wearing upon their necks big black rosaries, of which there were found two thousand at Spienne in Hainaut, stealing oxen and horses by twelve hundred, two thousand at a time, choosing out the best, carrying off women and girls by field and by marsh; eating and never paying, these Walloons used to burn within their farmsteads the armed peasants that tried to prevent the fruit of their hard toil from being carried away.

And the common folk would say to one another: "Don Juan is soon to come with his Spaniards, and his Great Highness will come with his Frenchmen, not Huguenots but Papists: and the Silent, desiring to rule in peace over Holland, Zealand, Gueldre, Utrecht, Overyssel, cedes in a secret treaty the lands of Belgium, for Monsieur d'Anjou to make himself a king therein."

Some of the commonalty were still confident. "The States," said they, "have twenty thousand well-armed men, with plenty of cannon and good cavalry. They will repel all foreign soldiery."

But the thoughtful ones said: "The States have twenty thousand men on paper, but not in the field; they lack cavalry and let their horses be stolen within a league of their camps by the Pater-noster knechten. They have no artillery, for while needing it at home, they decided to send one hundred cannon with powder and shot to Don Sebastian of Portugal; and no man knoweth whither has gone the two million crowns we have paid on four occasions by way of taxes and contributions; the citizens of Ghent and Brussels are arming, Ghent for the Reformation, and Brussels even as Ghent; at Brussels the women play the tambourine while their men toil at the ramparts. And Ghent the Bold is sending to Brussels the Gay powder and cannon, the which she lacketh for her defence against the Malcontents and the Spaniards."

And man by man in the towns and the flat country, in 't plat landt, sees that trust cannot be placed either in the lords or in many another. "And we citizens and common folk are sore at heart for that giving our money and ready to give our blood, we see that nothing goes forward for the good of the country of our sires. And the Belgian land is cowed and angered, having no trusty chiefs to give it the chance of battle and to give it victory, through great effort of arms all ready against the foes of liberty."

And the thoughtful folk said among themselves:

"In the Peace of Ghent, the lords of Holland and of Belgium swore the abolishment of hate, mutual help between the Belgian Estates and the Estates of the Netherlands; declared the edicts null and void, the confiscations cancelled, peace between the two religions; promised to raze each and every column, trophy, inscription, and effigy set up by the Duke of Alba to our dishonour. But in the hearts of the chiefs the hatreds are still afoot; the nobles and the clergy foment division between the States of the Union; they receive money to pay soldiers, they keep it for their own gluttony; fifteen thousand law suits for the recovery of confiscated property are suspended; the Lutherans and Romans unite against the Calvinists; lawful heirs cannot succeed in driving the despoilers from out their inheritance; the duke's statue is on the ground, but the image of the Inquisition is enshrined within their hearts."

And the poor commonalty and the woeful burgesses waited ever for the valiant and trusty chief that would lead them to battle for freedom.

And they said among themselves: "Where are the illustrious signatories to the Compromise, all united, so they said, for the good of the country? Why did these two-faced men make such a 'holy alliance,' if they were to break it at once? Why meet together with so much commotion, rouse the king's wrath, to dissolve like cowards and traitors after? Five hundred as they were, great lords and low lords banded like brothers, they saved us from the fury of Spain; but they sacrificed the welfare of the land of Belgium to their own profit, even as did d'Egmont and de Hoorn.

"Alas!" said they, "see Don Juan come now, handsome and ambitious, the enemy of Philip, but more the enemy of his country. He is coming for the Pope and for himself. Nobles and clergy are traitors."

And they began a semblance of war. Upon the walls along the main streets and the little streets of Ghent and Brussels, nay even upon the masts of the Beggars' ships, were then to be seen posted up the names of traitors, army chiefs, and commanders of fortresses: the names of the Count of Liederkerke, who did not defend his castle against Don Juan; of the provost of Liége, who would have sold the city to Don Juan; of Messieurs d'Aerschot, de Mansfeldt, de Berlaymont, de Rassenghien; the name, of the Council of State, of Georges de Lalaing, governor of Frisia, that of the army leader the seigneur de Rossignol, an emissary of Don Juan, the go-between for murder between Philip and Jaureguy, the clumsy assassin of the Prince of Orange; the name of the Archbishop of Cambrai, who would have given the Spaniards entry into the town; the names of the Jesuits of Antwerp, offering three casks of gold to the States--that was two million florins--not to demolish the castle and to hold it for Don Juan; of the Bishop of Liége; of Roman preachers defaming and abusing the patriots; of the Bishop of Utrecht, whom the citizens sent elsewhere to pasture on the grass of treachery; the orders of begging friars, which intrigued and plotted at Ghent in favour of Don Juan. The folk of Bois-le-Duc nailed on the pillory the name of Peter the Carmelite, who helped by their bishop and his clergy, undertook to hand over the town to Don Juan.

At Douai they did not indeed hang the rector of the university in effigy, a man no less Spaniardized; but upon the ships of the Beggars were seen on the breast of mannikins hanging by their necks the names of monks, abbots, and prelates, of eighteen hundred rich women and girls of the nunnery of Malines who with their money sustained, gilded, and beplumed the country's butchers.

And on these mannikins, the pillories of traitors, were to be read the names of the Marquis d'Harrault, the commander of the fortress of Philippeville, wasting and squandering munitions of war and food uselessly in order to give up the place to the enemy under pretence of a lack of provisions; the name of Belver, who surrendered Lembourg, when the town might have held out another eight months; that of the President of the Council of Flanders; of the magistrate of Bruges, of the magistrate of Malines, holding their towns for Don Juan, of the members of the Exchequer Council of Guelderland, closed by reason of treachery; of those of the Council of Brabant, of the Chancellery of the Duchy; of the Privy Council and the Council of Finance; of the Grand Bailiff and the Burgomaster of Menin; and of the ill neighbours of Artois, who gave passage without let to two thousand Frenchmen bent upon pillage.

"Alas!" said the city folk among themselves, "here is the Duke of Anjou with a footing in our country: he would fain be king among us; did ye behold him entering into Mons, a little man, with fat hips, big nose, a yellow phiz, a fleering mouth? 'Tis a great prince, loving loves out of the common; he is called, that he may have in his name woman's grace and man's force, Monseigneur monsieur Sa Grande Altesse d'Anjou."

Ulenspiegel was pensive. And he sang:

"Blue are the skies, the clear bright skies;
Cover the banners all in crêpe,
With crêpe the handle of the sword;
Hide every gem;
Turn the mirrors over;
I sing the song of Death,
The traitors' song.

"They have set foot upon the belly
And on the bosom of the proud lands
Of Brabant, Flanders, Hainault,
Antwerp, Artois, Luxembourg.
Nobles and clergy are traitors;
The bait of reward allures them.
I sing the traitors' song.

"When the foe sacks everywhere,
When the Spaniard enters Antwerp,
Abbés, prelates, and army chiefs
Go through the streets of the town,
Clad in silk, bedecked with gold,
Their faces shining with good wine,
Displaying thus their infamy.

"And through them, the Inquisition
Will wake again in high triumph,
And new Titelmans
Will arrest the deaf and dumb
For heresy.
I sing the traitors' song.

"Signatories to the Compromise.
Coward signatories,
Be your names all accursed!
Where are ye in the hour of war?
Ye march like corbies
In the Spaniards' train.
Beat upon the drum of woe.

"Land of Belgium, future years
Will condemn thee for that thou,
All in arms, didst let thyself be pillaged.
Future, hasten not;
See the traitors labouring:
There are twenty, a thousand,
Filling every post,
The great give them to the little.

"They have plotted and agreed
That they might fetter all defence,
With discord and sloth,
Their treacherous devices.
Cover the mirrors with crêpe
And the hilts of the swords.
'Tis the traitors' song.

"They declare rebels
All Spaniards and malcontents;
Forbid to help them
With bread or shelter,
With lead or powder.
If any are taken to be hanged,
To be hanged,
They release them at once.

"'Up!' say the men of Brussels,
'Up!' say the men of Ghent
And the Belgian commons,
Poor men, they mean to crush you
Between the king
And the Pope who launches
The crusade against Flanders.

"They come, the hirelings,
At the smell of blood;
Bands of dogs,
Of serpents and hyænas.
They hunger, they are athirst.
Poor land of our sires,
Ripe for ruin and death.

"'Tis not Don Juan
That makes ready the task
For Farnèse, the Pope's minion.
But those thou didst load
With gold and distinctions,
Who confessed thy women
Thy girls and thy children!

"They have flung thee to ground
And the Spaniard holds
The knife at thy throat;
They jeer at thee,
Feasting at Brussels
The coming of Orange.

"When on the canal were seen
So many fireworks
Exploding their joy,
So many triumphing boats,
Paintings, tapestries,
They were playing, O Belgium,
The old tale of Joseph
Sold by his brothers."

III

Seeing that he was allowed to say what he pleased, the monk lifted up his nose on board the ship; and the sailors and soldiers, to make him the more ready and eager to preach, slandered Madame the Virgin, Messieurs the Saints, and the pious practices of the Holy Roman Church.

Then, becoming enraged, he vomited out a flood of abuse against them.

"Aye!" he cried, "aye, here am I then in the den of the Beggars! Yea, these are indeed those accursed devourers of the land! Yea. And they say that the Inquisitor, that holy man, has burned too many of them! Nay: there is still some of the filthy vermin left. Aye, on these goodly and gallant ships of our Lord the King, once so clean and well scoured, now can be seen the vermin of the Beggars, aye, the stinking vermin. Aye, they are vermin, foul, stinking, infamous vermin, the singing captain, the cook with his belly filled with impiety, and all of them with their blasphemous crescents. When the king will have his ships scoured with the suds of artillery, it will need more than a hundred thousand florins' worth of powder and cannon shot to clear away this filthy, beastly stinking infection. Aye, ye were all born in Madame Lucifer's alcove, condemned to dwell with Satanas between walls of vermin, under curtains of vermin, on mattresses of vermin. Yea, and there it was that in their infamous loves they begat and conceived the Beggars. Aye, and I spit upon you."

At this word the Beggars said to him:

"Why do we keep here this idle rascal, who is good for nothing but to spew up insults? Let us hang him rather."

And they set about doing it.

The monk, seeing the rope ready, the ladder propped against the mast, and that they were about to bind his hands, said woefully:

"Have pity upon me, Messieurs the Beggars, it is the demon of anger that speaks in my heart and not your humble captive, a poor monk that hath but one only neck in this world: gracious lords, have mercy: shut my mouth if ye will with a choke-pear; 'tis a bitter fruit, but hang me not."

But they, without giving heed, and despite his furious struggles, were dragging him towards the ladder. He cried then so shrill and loud that Lamme said to Ulenspiegel, who was with him and tending him in the cook's galley:

"My son! my son! they have stolen a pig from the stable, and they are making off. Oh, the robbers! if I could but rise!"

Ulenspiegel went up and saw nothing but the monk. And he, catching sight of Ulenspiegel, fell upon his knees, with his hands outstretched to him.

"Messire Captain," said he, "captain of the valiant Beggars, redoubtable on land and on sea, your soldiers are fain to hang me because I have transgressed with my tongue: 'tis an unjust punishment, Messire Captain, for so must all advocates, procurators, preachers, and women, be given a hempen collar, and the world would be unpeopled; Messire, save me from the rope. I shall pray for you; you will never be damned: grant me pardon. The devil of prating carried me away and made me speak without ceasing: 'tis a mighty misfortune. My poor bile soured then and made me say a thousand things I never think. Grace, Messire Captain, and you, Messieurs, intercede for me."

Suddenly Lamme appeared on the deck in his shirt and said:

"Captain and friends, 'twas not the pig but the monk that was squealing; I am overjoyed. Ulenspiegel, my son, I have conceived a high design with regard to His Paternity; give him his life, but leave him not at liberty, else will he do some ill trick upon the ship: rather have a cage built for him on the deck, a strait cage well opened and airy, where he can do no more than sit down and sleep; such a one as they make for capons; let me feed him, and let him be hanged if he does not eat as much as I will."

"Let him be hanged if he will not eat," said Ulenspiegel and the Beggars.

"What dost thou mean to do with me, big man?" said the monk.

"Thou shalt see," replied Lamme.

And Ulenspiegel did as Lamme wished, and the monk was put in a cage, and all could contemplate him at their leisure.

Lamme had gone down into his galley; Ulenspiegel followed and heard him disputing with Nele:

"I will not lie down," he was saying, "no, I will not lie down to have others groping and fumbling with my sauces; no, I will not stay in my bed, like a calf!"

"Do not be angry, Lamme," said Nele, "or your wound will reopen and you will die."

"Well," said he, "I will die: I am tired of living without my wife. Is it not enough for me to have lost her, without your trying furthermore to prevent me, me the master cook of this place, from myself keeping watch over the soup? Know ye not that there is a health inherent in the steam of sauces and fricassees? They even nourish my spirit and armour me against misfortunes."

"Lamme," said Nele, "thou must needs hearken to our counsel and let thyself be healed by us."

"I am fain to let myself be healed," said Lamme: "but rather than another should enter here, some ignorant good-for-naught, a frowsy, ulcerous, blear-eyed, dropping nosed fellow, and come to king it as master cook in my place, and paddle with his filthy fingers in my sauces, I would rather kill him with my wooden ladle, which would be iron for that task."

"All the same," said Ulenspiegel, "thou must have an assistant; thou art sick...."

"An assistant for me," said Lamme, "for me, an assistant! Art thou then stuffed with naught but ingratitude, as a sausage is full of minced meat? An assistant, my son, and 'tis thou that dost say so to me, thy friend, who have nourished thee so long time and so succulently! Now will my wound reopen. False friend, who then would dress thy food like me? What would ye do, ye two, if I were not there to give thee, chief-captain, and thee, Nele, some dainty stew or other?"

"We will work ourselves in the galley," said Ulenspiegel.

"Cooking," said Lamme: "thou art good to eat of it, to smell it, to sniff it up, but to perform it, no: poor friend and chief-captain, saving your respect, I could make thee eat leather wallets cut up into ribbons, and thou wouldst take it for toughish tripe: leave me, my son, to be still the master cook of here, else I shall dry up, like a lathstick."

"Remain master cook then," said Ulenspiegel; "if thou dost not heal, I will shut up the galley and we shall eat naught save biscuits."

"Ah! my son," said Lamme, weeping for joy, "thou art good and kind as Notre Dame herself."

IV

And in any case he appeared to be healing.

Every Saturday the Beggars saw him measuring the monk's waist girth with a long leather thong.

The first Saturday he said:

"Four feet."

And measuring himself, he said:

"Four feet and a half."

And he seemed melancholy.

But, speaking of the monk, on the eighth Saturday he was full of joy and said:

"Four feet and three quarters."

And the monk, angry, when he took his measure, would say to him:

"What do you want with me, big man?"

But Lamme would put out his tongue at him without a word.

And seven times a day, the sailors and soldiers saw him come with a new dish, saying to the monk:

"Here be rich beans in Flemish butter: didst thou eat the like in thy monastery? Thou hast a goodly phiz; there is no starving on this ship. Dost thou not feel cushions of fat coming on thy back? Before long thou wilt have no need of a mattress to lie on."

At the monk's second meal:

"Here," he would say, "there are koeke-bakken after the Brussels fashion; the French folk call them crêpes, for they wear crapes on their kerchiefs for a sign of mourning: these are not black, but fair of hue and golden browned in the oven: seest thou the butter streaming off them? So shall it be with thy belly."

"I have no hunger," the monk would say.

"Thou must needs eat," was Lamme's answer. "Dost thou deem that these are pancakes of buckwheat? 'tis pure wheat, my father, father in grease, fine flour of the wheat, my father with the four chins: already I see the fifth one coming, and my heart rejoices. Eat."

"Leave me in peace, big man," said the monk.

Lamme, becoming wrathful, would reply:

"I am the lord and disposer of thy life: dost thou prefer the rope to a good bowl of pea soup with sippets, such as I am about to fetch thee presently?"

And coming with the bowl:

"Pea soup," quoth Lamme, "loves to be eaten in company: and therefore I have just added thereto knoedels of Germany, goodly dumplings of Corinth flour, cast all alive into boiling water: they are heavy, but make plenteous fat. Eat all thou canst; the more thou dost eat the greater my joy: do not feign disgust; breathe not so hard as if thou hadst over much: eat. Is it not better to eat than to be hanged? Let's see thy thigh! it thickens also; two feet seven inches round about. Where is the ham that measureth as much?"

An hour after he came back to the monk:

"Come," said he, "here are nine pigeons: they have been slaughtered for thee, these innocent beasts that wont to fly unfearing above the ships: disdain them not; I have put into their bellies a ball of butter, breadcrumbs, grated nutmeg, cloves pounded in a brass mortar shining like thy skin: Master Sun rejoices to be able to admire himself in a face as bright as thine, by reason of the grease, the good grease I have made for thee."

At the fifth meal he would fetch him a waterzoey.

"What thinkest thou," quoth he, "of this hodgepodge of fish? The sea carries thee and feedeth thee: she could do no more for the King's Majesty. Aye, aye, I can see the fifth chin visibly a-coming a little more on the left side than on the right side: we must fatten up this side that is neglected, for God saith to us: 'Be just to each.' Where would justice be, if not in an equitable distributing of grease? I will bring thee for thy sixth repast mussels, those oysters of the poor, such as they never served thee in thy convent: ignorant folk boil them and eat them so; but that is but the prologue to the fricassee; they must next be stripped of their shells, and their gentle bodies put in a pan, then stewed delicately with celery, nutmeg, and cloves, and bind the sauce with beer and flour, and serve them with buttered toast. I have done them in this fashion for thee. Why do children owe so great a gratitude to their fathers and mothers? Because they have given them shelter and love, but beyond all things, food: thou oughtest then to love me as thy father and thy mother, and even as to them thou owest me the gratitude of thy stomach: roll not against me then such savage eyes.

"Presently I shall bring thee a soup of beer and flour, well sweetened with cinnamon a-plenty. Knowest thou for why? That thy fat may become translucent and shiver upon thy skin: such it is seen when thou movest. Now here is the curfew ringing: sleep in peace, taking no thought for the morrow, certain to find thy succulent repasts once more, and thy friend Lamme to give them thee without fail."

"Begone and leave me to pray to God," said the monk.

"Pray," said Lamme, "pray with the cheerful music of snoring: beer and sleep will make grease for thee, goodly grease. For my part, I am glad of it."

And Lamme went off to put himself in bed.

And the sailors and soldiers would say to him:

"Why, then, do you feed so richly this monk that wishes thee no good?"

"Let me alone," said Lamme, "I am accomplishing a mighty work."

V

December was come, the month of long dark nights. Ulenspiegel sang:

"Monseigneur Sa Grande Altesse
Takes off his mask,
Eager to reign over the Belgian land.
The Estates Spaniardized
But not Angevined
Deal with the taxes.
Beat upon the drum
Of Anjou's thwarting.

"They have within their power
Domains, excise, and funds,
Making of magistrates
And offices as well.
He hateth the Reformed
Monsieur Sa Grande Altesse,
An atheist in France
Oh! Anjou's thwarting.

"For he would fain be king
By the sword and by force,
King absolute in all.
This Monseigneur, this Grande Altesse;
Fain would he foully seize
Many fair towns, yea, Antwerp, too;
Signorkes and pagaders rise early,
Oh! Anjou's thwarting!

"'Tis not upon thee, France,
That this folk rushes, mad with rage;
These deadly weaponed blows
Fall not upon thy noble body;
And they are not thy offspring
Whose corpses in great heaps
Choke the Kip-Dorp Gate.
Oh! the thwarting of Anjou!

"No, these are no sons of thine
The people fling from the ramparts.
'Tis the High Highness of Anjou,
The passive libertine Anjou,
Living, France, on thy very blood,
And eager to drink ours;
But 'twixt the cup and lip....
Oh! the thwarting of Anjou.

"Monsieur Sa Grande Altesse.
In a defenceless town
Cried, 'Kill! kill! Long live the Mass!'
With his handsome minions,
With eyes wherein gleams
The shameful fire, impudent, restless,
Lust without love.
Oh! the thwarting of Anjou!

"'Tis they that are smitten, not thee, poor folk,
On whom they weigh with tax,
Salt tax, poll tax, deflowering,
Contemning thee, making thee give
Thy corn, thy horses, thy wains,
Thou that art a father to them.
Oh! the thwarting of Anjou!

"Thou that art a mother to them,
Suckling the misbehaviour
Of these parricides that sully
Thy name abroad, France, that dost feast
On the savours of their glory
When they add by savage feast.
Oh! the thwarting of Anjou!

"A floret to thy soldier crown,
A province to thy territory.
Give the stupid cock 'Lust and battle'
Thy foot on the neck.
People of France, people of men,
The foot that treads them down!
And all the peoples will love thee
For the thwarting of Anjou."

VI

In May, when the peasant women of Flanders by night throw backwards slowly over their heads three black beans to keep them from sickness and death, Lamme's wound opened again: he had a high fever and asked to be laid on the deck of the ship, over against the monk's cage.

Ulenspiegel was very willing; but for fear lest his friend might fall into the sea in a fever fit, he had him strongly fastened down upon his bed.

In his interludes of reason, Lamme incessantly enjoined on them not to forget the monk: and he thrust out his tongue at him.

And the monk said:

"Thou dost insult me, big man."

"Nay," replied Lamme, "I am fattening thee."

The wind blew soft, the sun shone warm; Lamme in his fever was securely tied on his bed, so that in his witless spasms of leaping he might not jump over the side of the ship; and deeming himself still in his galley, he said:

"This fire is bright to-day. Soon it will rain ortolans. Wife, spread snares in our orchard. Thou art lovely thus, with thy sleeves rolled up to the elbow. Thy arm is white, I would fain bite it, bite with my lips that are teeth of live velvet. Whose is this lovely flesh, whose those lovely breasts showing beneath thy white jacket of fine linen? Mine, my sweet treasure. Who will make the fricassee of cock's comb and chickens' rumps? Not too much nutmeg, it brings on fever. White sauce, thyme, and laurel: where are the yolks of eggs?"

Then making a sign for Ulenspiegel to bring his ear close to his mouth, he said to him in a low voice:

"Presently it will rain venison; I shall keep thee four ortolans more than the others. Thou art the captain; betray me not."

Then hearing the sea beat softly on the ship's side:

"The soup is boiling, my son; the soup is boiling, but how slow is this fire to heat up!"

As soon as he recovered his wits, he said, speaking of the monk:

"Where is he? doth he grow in grease?"

Seeing him then, he put out his tongue at him and said:

"The great work is being accomplished; I am content."

One day he asked to have the great scales set up on the deck, and to be set in it, he on one pan, the monk on the other: scarcely was the monk in place than Lamme soared like an arrow in the air, and rejoicing, he said, looking at him:

"He weighs it down! he weighs it down! I am a weightless spirit beside him: I will fly in the air like a bird. I have my idea: take him away that I may come down; now put on the weights. Put him back. What does he weigh? Three hundred and fourteen pounds. And I? Two hundred and twenty."

VII

The night of the day after this, when the dawn was rising gray, Ulenspiegel was awakened by Lamme crying:

"Ulenspiegel! Ulenspiegel! help, rescue, keep her from going away. Cut the cords! cut the cords!"

Ulenspiegel came up on the deck and said:

"Why dost thou call out? I see naught."

"'Tis she," replied Lamme, "she, my wife, there, in that skiff rounding that flyboat; aye, that flyboat whence there came the sound of singing and the viol strings."

Nele had come up on deck.

"Cut the cords, my dear," said Lamme. "Seest thou not that my wound is cured, her soft hand hath healed it; she, aye, she. Dost thou see her standing up in the skiff? Dost thou hear? she is singing still. Come, my beloved, come; flee not from thy poor Lamme, who was so lonely in the world without thee."

Nele took his hand, touched his face.

"He hath the fever still," she said.

"Cut the cords," said Lamme; "give me a skiff! I am alive, I am happy, I am healed!"

Ulenspiegel cut the cords: Lamme, leaping from his bed in breeches of white linen, without a doublet, set to work himself to lower away the skiff.

"See him," said Nele to Ulenspiegel: "his hands tremble with impatience as they work."

The skiff ready, Ulenspiegel, Nele, and Lamme went down into it with an oarsman, and set off towards the flyboat anchored far off in the harbour.

"See the goodly flyboat," said Lamme, helping the oarsman.

On the fresh morning sky, coloured like crystal gilded by the rays of the young sun, the flyboat showed up her hull and her elegant masts.

While Lamme rowed:

"Tell us now how didst find her again," asked Ulenspiegel.

Lamme replied, speaking in jerks:

"I was sleeping, already much better. All at once a dull noise. A piece of wood struck the ship. A skiff. A sailor hurries up at the noise: 'Who goes there?' A soft voice, her voice, my son, her voice, her sweet voice: 'Friends.' Then a deeper voice: 'Long live the Beggar: the commander of the flyboat Johannah to speak with Lamme Goedzak.' The sailor drops the ladder. The moon was shining. I see a man's shape coming up on to the deck: strong hips, round knees, wide pelvis; I say to myself: 'a pretended man': I feel as it might be a rose opening and touching my cheek: her mouth, my son, and I hear her saying to me, she--dost thou follow?--herself, covering me with kisses and with tears: 'twas liquid perfumed fire falling on my body: 'I know I am sinning; but I love thee, my husband! I have sworn before God: I am breaking my oath, my man, my poor man! I have come often without daring to come nigh thee; the sailor at last allowed me: I dressed thy wound, thou knewest me not; but I have healed thee; be not wroth, my man! I have followed thee, but I am afraid; he is upon this ship, let me go; if he saw me he would curse me and I should burn in the everlasting fire!' She kissed me again, weeping and happy, and went away in spite of me, despite my tears: thou hadst bound me hand and foot, my son, but now...."

And saying this he bent mightily to his oars: 'twas like the taut string of a bow that launches the arrow forthright.

As they approached the flyboat, Lamme said:

"There she is, upon the deck, playing the viol, my darling wife with her hair of golden brown, with the brown eyes, the cheeks still fresh and young, the bare round arms, the white hands. Leap onward, skiff, over the sea!"

The captain of the flyboat, seeing the skiff coming up and Lamme rowing like a demon, had a ladder dropped from the deck. When Lamme was by it, he leapt from the skiff on to the ladder at the risk of tumbling into the sea, thrusting the skiff three fathoms behind him and more; and climbing like a cat up to the deck, ran to his wife, who swooning with joy, kissed and embraced him, saying:

"Lamme! come not to take me: I have sworn to God, but I love thee. Ah! dear husband!"

Nele cried out:

"It is Calleken Huybrechts, the pretty Calleken."

"'Tis I," said she, "but alas! the hour of noon has gone by for my beauty."

And she seemed wretched.

"What hast thou done?" said Lamme: "what became of thee? Why didst thou leave me? Why wilt thou leave me now?"

"Listen," said she, "and be not wroth; I will tell thee: knowing that all monks are men of God I confided in one of them: his name was Broer Cornelis Adriaensen."

Hearing which Lamme:

"What!" said he, "that wicked hypocrite who had a sewer mouth, full of filth and dirt, and spoke of naught but spilling the blood of the Reformed; what! that praiser of the Inquisition and the edicts! Ah, it was a blackguardly good-for-naught rascal!"

Calleken said:

"Do not insult the man of God."

"The man of God!" said Lamme, "I know him; 'twas a man of filth and foulness. Wretched fate! my beautiful Calleken fallen into the hands of this lascivious monk! Come not near me, I will kill thee: and I that loved her so much! my poor deceived heart that was all her own! What dost thou come hither for? Why didst thou tend me? thou shouldst have left me to die. Begone, thou; I would see thee no more, begone, or I fling thee in the sea. My knife!..."

She, embracing him:

"Lamme," said she, "my husband, weep not: I am not what thou deemest: I have not belonged to this monk."

"Thou liest," said Lamme, weeping and grinding his teeth both at the same time. "Ah! I was never jealous, and now I am. Sad passion, anger, and love, the need to slay and embrace. Begone, thou! no, stay! I was so good to her! Murder is master in me. My knife! Oh! this burns, devours, gnaws; thou laughest at me....

She embraced him weeping, gentle and submissive.

"Aye," said he, "I am a fool in my anger: aye, thou didst guard my honour, that honour a man is mad enough to hang on a woman's skirts. So it was for that thou wast wont to pick out thy sweetest smiles to ask me leave to go to the sermon with thy she-friends."

"Let me speak," said the woman, embracing him. "May I die on the instant if I deceive thee!"

"Die, then," said Lamme, "for thou art going to lie."

"Listen to me," said she.

"Speak or speak not," said he, "'tis all one to me."

"Broer Adriaensen," she said, "passed for a good preacher; I went to hear him: he set the ecclesiastic and celibate estate above all others as being more proper to win paradise for the faithful. His eloquence was great and fiery: several wives of good repute, of whom I was one, and in especial a goodly number of widow women and girls, had their minds troubled by it. The estate of celibacy being so perfect, he enjoined upon us to dwell therein: we swore thenceforward no longer to be spouses...."

"Save to him, no doubt," said Lamme, weeping.

"Be silent," said she, angry.

"Go to," said he, "finish: thou hast fetched me a bitter blow; I shall never be whole of it."

"Yea," said she, "my man, when I shall be always with thee."

And she would fain have embraced and kissed him, but he repulsed her.

"The widows," said she, "swore between his hands never to marry again."

And Lamme listened to her, lost in his jealous musing.

Calleken, shamefaced, went on:

"He desired," she said, "to have no penitents save young and beauteous wives or maids: the others he sent back to their own curés. He established an order of devotees, making us all swear to have no other confessors but himself only: I swore it; my companions, more initiate than I, asked me if I was fain to be instructed in the Holy Discipline and the Holy Penance: I wished it. There was at Bruges, at the Stone Cutters' Quay, by the convent of the Franciscan friars, a house dwelt in by a woman called Calle de Najage, who gave girls instruction and lodging, for a gold carolus by the month: Broer Cornelis could enter her house without being seen to leave his cloister. It was to this house I went, into a little chamber where he was alone: there he ordered me to tell him all my natural and carnal inclinations: at first I dared not; but in the end I gave way, wept, and told him all."

"Alas!" wept Lamme, "and this swine monk thus received thy sweet confession."

"He still told me, and this is true, my husband, that above earthly modesty is a celestial modesty, through which we make unto God the sacrifice of our earthly shames, and that thus we avow to our confessors all our secret desires, and are then worthy to receive the Holy Discipline and the Holy Penance.

"In the end he made me strip naked before him, to receive upon my body, which had sinned, the too-light chastisement of my faults. One day he made me unclothe myself; I fainted when I must let my body linen fall: he revived me with salts and flasks.--''Tis well for this time, daughter,' said he, 'come back in two days' time and bring a rod.' That went on for long without ever ... I swear it before God and all his saints ... my man ... understand me ... look at me ... see if I lie: I remained pure and faithful ... I loved thee."

"Poor sweet body," said Lamme, "O stain upon thy marriage robe!"

"Lamme," said she, "he spoke in the name of God and of our Holy Mother Church; was I not to listen to him? I loved thee always, but I had sworn to the Virgin, by dreadful oaths, to deny myself to thee: yet I was weak, weak to thee. Dost thou recall the hostelry of Bruges? I was at the house of Calle de Najage thou didst pass by upon thine ass with Ulenspiegel. I followed thee; I had a goodly sum of money; I spent nothing ever for myself. I saw thee an hungered: my heart pulled towards thee, I had pity and love."

"Where is he now?" asked Ulenspiegel.

Calleken replied:

"After an inquiry ordered by the magistrate and an investigation of evil men, Broer Andriaensen must needs leave Bruges, and took refuge in Antwerp. They told me on the flyboat that my man had made him prisoner."

"What!" said Lamme, "this monk I am fattening is...."

"He," answered Calleken, hiding her face.

"A hatchet! a hatchet!" said Lamme, "let me kill him, let me auction his fat, the lascivious he-goat! Quick, let us back to the ship. The skiff! where is the skiff?"

Nele said to him:

"'Tis a foul cruelty to kill or to wound a prisoner."

"Thou lookest on me with a cruel eye; wouldst thou prevent me?" said he.

"Aye," said she.

"Well, then," said Lamme, "I will do him no hurt: let me only fetch him out from his cage. The skiff! where is the skiff?"

They climbed down into it speedily; Lamme made haste to row, weeping the while.

"Thou art sad, husband?" said Calleken to him.

"Nay," said he, "I am glad: doubtless thou wilt never leave me again?"

"Never!" said she.

"Thou wast pure and faithful, thou sayest; but, sweet, my darling, beloved Calleken, I lived but to find thee, and lo, now, thanks to this monk, there will be poison in all our happiness, poison of jealousy ... as soon as I am sad or but only tired, I shall see thee naked, submitting thy lovely body to that infamous flagellation. The spring time of our loves was mine, but the summer was for him; the autumn will be gray, soon will come the winter to bury my faithful love."

"Thou art weeping?" said she.

"Aye," quoth he, "what is past can never come again."

Then Nele said:

"If Calleken was faithful, she ought to leave thee alone for thy ill words."

"He knoweth not how I love him," said Calleken.

"Dost thou say true?" cried Lamme; "come, darling; come, my wife; there is no longer gray autumn nor winter that diggeth graves."

And he seemed cheerful, and they came to the ship.

Ulenspiegel gave Lamme the keys of the cage, and he opened it; he tried to pull the monk out on the deck by the ear, but he could not; he tried to fetch him out sideways, he could not do that, either.

"We must break all; the capon is fattened," said he.

The monk then came forth, rolling about big daunted eyes, holding his paunch with both hands, and fell down on his seat because of a great wave that passed beneath the ship.

And Lamme, speaking to the monk:

"Wilt thou still say, 'big man'? Thou art bigger than I. Who made thee seven meals a day? I. Whence cometh it, bawler, that now thou art quieter, milder towards the poor Beggars?"

And continuing further:

"If thou dost stay another year encaged, thou wilt not be able to come out again: thy cheeks quiver like pork jelly when thou dost move: thou criest no longer already; soon thou wilt not be able to breathe."

"Hold thy peace, big man," said the monk.

"Big man," said Lamme, becoming furious; "I am Lamme Goedzak, thou art Broer Dikzak, Vetzak, Leugenzak, Slokkenzak, Wulpszak, the friar big sack, grease sack, lying sack, cram sack, lust sack: thou hast four fingers deep of fat under thy skin, thy eyes can be seen no longer: Ulenspiegel and I would both lodge comfortably within the cathedral of thy belly! Thou didst call me big man; wilt thou have a mirror to study thy Bellyness? 'Tis I that fed thee, thou monument of flesh and bone. I have sworn that thou wouldst spit grease, sweat grease, and leave behind thee spots of grease like a candle melting in the sun. They say that apoplexy cometh with the seventh chin; thou hast five and a half by now."

Then to the Beggars:

"Look at this lecher! 'tis Broer Cornelis Adriaensen Rascalsen, of Bruges: there he preached the new modesty. His grease is his punishment; his grease is my work. Hear now, all ye sailors and soldiers: I am about to leave you, to leave thee, thee, Ulenspiegel, to leave thee, too, thee, little Nele, to go to Flushing where I have property, to live there with my poor wife that I have found again. Of yore ye took an oath to grant me all that I might ask of you...."

"On the word of the Beggars," said they.

"Then," said Lamme, "look on this lecher, this Broer Adriaensen Rascalsen of Bruges; I swore to make him die of fatness like a hog; construct a wider cage, force him to take twelve meals a day instead of seven; give him a rich and sugared diet: he is like an ox already; see that he be like an elephant, and ye will soon see him fill the cage."

"We shall fatten him," said they.

"And now," went on Lamme, speaking to the monk, "I bid thee also adieu, rascal, thee whom I cause to be fed monkishly instead of having thee hanged: grow in grease and in apoplexy."

Then taking his wife Calleken in his arms:

"Look, growl or bellow, I take her from thee; thou shalt whip her never more."

But the monk, falling in a fury and speaking to Calleken:

"Thou art going away then, carnal woman, to the bed of lust! Aye, thou goest without pity for the poor martyr for the word of God, that taught thee the holy, sweet, celestial discipline. Be accursed! May no priest give thee absolution; may earth be burning underneath thy feet; may sugar be salt to thee; may beef be as dead dog to thee; may thy bread be ashes; may the sun be ice to thee, and the snow hell fire; may thy child-bearing be accursed; may thy children be detestable; may they have the bodies of apes, pigs' heads greater than their bellies; mayst thou suffer, weep, moan in this world and in the other, in the hell that awaits thee, the hell of sulphur and bitumen kindled for females such as thou art. Thou didst refuse my fatherly love: be thrice accursed by the Blessed Trinity, seven times accursed by the candlesticks of the Ark; may confession be to thee damnation; may the Host to thee be mortal poison, and may every paving stone in the church rise up to crush thee and say to thee: 'This woman is the fornicator, this woman is accursed, this woman is damned'."

And Lamme, rejoicing, jumping for joy, said:

"She was faithful; he said it, the monk: hurrah for Calleken!"

But she, weeping and trembling:

"Remove it," she said, "my man, remove this curse from over me. I see hell! Remove the curse!"

"Take off the curse," said Lamme.

"I will not, big man," rejoined the monk.

And the woman remained all pale and swooning, and on her knees with hands folded she besought Broer Adriaensen.

And Lamme said to the monk:

"Take off thy curse, else thou shalt hang, and if the rope breaks because of thy weight, thou shalt be hanged again and again until death ensues."

"Hanged and hanged again," said the Beggars.

"Then," said the monk to Calleken, "go, wanton, go with this big man; go, I lift my curse from thee, but God and all the saints will have their eyes upon thee; go with this big man, go."

And he held his peace, sweating and puffing.

Suddenly Lamme cried out:

"He puffs, he puffs! I see the sixth chin; at the seventh 'tis apoplexy! And now," said he to the Beggars:

"I commend you to God, thou Ulenspiegel; to God, you all my good friends, to God, thou Nele; to God the holy inspirer of liberty: I can do no more for her cause."

Then having given all and taken from all the kiss of parting, he said to his wife Calleken:

"Come, it is the hour for lawful loves."

While the boat was slipping over the water, carrying off Lamme and his beloved, he in the stern, soldiers, sailors, and cabin boys all called out, waving their caps: "Adieu, brother; adieu, Lamme; adieu, brother, brother and friend."

And Nele said to Ulenspiegel, taking a tear from out the corner of his eye with her dainty finger:

"Thou art sad, my beloved?"

"He was a good fellow," said he.

"Ah!" said she, "this war will never end; shall we be forced to live forever in blood and in tears?"

"Let us seek out the Seven," said Ulenspiegel: "it draws nigh, the hour of deliverance."

Following Lamme's behest, the Beggars fattened the monk in his cage. When he was set at liberty, in consideration of ransom, he weighed three hundred and seventeen pounds and five ounces, Flemish weight.

And he died prior of his convent.

VIII

At this time the States General assembled at The Hague to pass judgment upon Philip, King of Spain, Count of Flanders, of Holland, etc., according to the charters and privileges consented to by him.

And the clerk of the court spake as follows:

"It is to all men of common knowledge that a prince of any land so ever is established by God as sovereign and chief of his subjects that he may defend them and preserve them from all wrong, oppression, and violence, even as a shepherd is ordained for the defence and keeping of his sheep. It is in like manner known that subjects are not created by God for the use of the prince, to be obedient unto him in whatsoever he commandeth, be it seemly or unseemly, just or unjust, nor to serve in the manner of slaves. But the prince is a prince for his subjects, without which he could not be, to govern them in accordance with right and reason, to maintain and love them as a father doth his children, as a shepherd doth his sheep, hazarding his life to defend them; if he doth not so, he must needs be held for no prince but a tyrant. Philip the king hath launched upon us, by calling up of soldiers, by bulls of crusade and of excommunication, four armies of foreigners. What shall be his punishment, by virtue of the laws and customs of the country?"

"Let him be deposed," replied the States.

"Philip hath played false to his oaths: he hath forgot the services we rendered him, the victories we aided him to win. Seeing that we were rich, he left us to be pillaged and put to ransom by the Council of Spain."

"Let him be deposed as ungrateful and a robber," replied the States.

"Philip," the clerk went on, "placed in the most powerful cities of these countries new bishops, endowing and presenting them with the goods of the greatest abbeys; and by the help of these men he introduced the Spanish Inquisition."

"Let him be deposed as a murderer, the squanderer of others' wealth," replied the States.

"The nobles of these countries, seeing this tyranny, presented in the year 1566 a request wherein they entreated the sovereign to moderate the rigour of his edicts and in especial those which concerned the Inquisition: he consistently refused this."

"Let him be deposed as a tiger abandoned and obstinate in his cruelty," replied the States.

The clerk continued:

"Philip is strongly suspected of having, through the intermediary of his Council of Spain, secretly inspired the image-breakings and the sacking of churches, in order to be able, under the pretext of suppressing crime and disorder, to send foreign armies to march against us."

"Let him be deposed as an instrument of death," replied the States.

"At Antwerp Philip caused the inhabitants to be massacred, ruined the Flemish merchants and the foreign merchants. He and his Council of Spain gave a certain Rhoda, a notorious scoundrel, the right by secret instructions to declare himself the head of the pillagers, to harvest the booty, to employ his name, the name of Philip the king, to counterfeit his seals and counterseals, and to comport himself at his governor and his lieutenant. The royal letters, which were intercepted and are in our hands, prove this to be the fact. All took place with his consent and after deliberation in the Council of Spain. Read his letters; therein he praises the feat of Antwerp, acknowledges that he hath received a signal service, promises to reward it, enjoins Rhoda and the other Spaniards to continue to walk in this path of glory."

"Let him be deposed as a robber, pillager, and murderer," replied the States.