Chapter XXI: "i Am Not Any Longer My Own."

Kateri Tekakwitha had already refused to be united to a heathen brave. "But a Christian marriage," said her sister to Anastasia, "is a very different affair." The matchmakers were again lying in wait for her. It is Father Cholenec who gives us the best account of this final contest with Tekakwitha on the matrimonial question. He was her spiritual director at the time, and was consulted by the parties on both sides. While Fremin was absent in France, he had charge of the Mission, with Chauchetiere as assistant. The following version of what occurred to disturb Kateri in the fall of 1678 is taken entire from Cholenec's letter (dated the 27th of August, 1715):--

"Interested views inspired her sister with the design of
marrying her. She supposed there was not a young man in the
Mission du Sault who would not be ambitious of the honor of
being united to so virtuous a female; and that thus having the
whole village from which to make her choice, she would be able
to select for her brother-in-law some able hunter who would
bring abundance to the cabin. She expected indeed to meet with
difficulties on the part of Catherine, for she was not ignorant
of the persecutions this generous girl had already suffered,
and the constancy with which she had sustained them, but she
persuaded herself that the force of reason would finally
vanquish her opposition. She selected, therefore, a particular
day, and after having shown Catherine even more affection than
ordinary, she addressed her with that eloquence which is so
natural to these Indians when they are engaged in anything
which concerns their interests.

'I must confess, my dear sister,' said she, with a manner full
of sweetness and affability, 'you are under great obligations
to the Lord for having brought you, as well as ourselves, from
our unhappy country, and for having conducted you to the
Mission du Sault, where everything is favorable to your piety.
If you are rejoiced to be here, I have no less satisfaction at
having you with me. You, every day, indeed, increase our
pleasure by the wisdom of your conduct, which draws upon you
general esteem and approbation. There only remains one thing
for you to do to complete our happiness, which is to think
seriously of establishing yourself by a good and judicious
marriage. All the young girls among us take this course; you
are of an age to act as they do, and you are bound to do so
even more particularly than others, either to shun the
occasions of sin, or to supply the necessities of life. It is
true that it is a source of great pleasure to us, both to your
brother-in-law and myself, to furnish these things for you, but
you know that he is in the decline of life, and that we are
charged with the care of a large family. If you were to be
deprived of us, to whom could you have recourse? Think of these
things, Catherine; provide for yourself a refuge from the evils
which accompany poverty; and determine as soon as possible to
prepare to avoid them, while you can do it so easily, and in a
way so advantageous both to yourself and to our family.'

There was nothing which Catherine less expected than a
proposition of this kind; but the kindness and respect she felt
for her sister induced her to conceal her pain, and she
contented herself with merely answering that she thanked her
for this advice, but the step was of great consequence, and she
would think of it seriously. It was thus that she warded off
the first attack. She immediately came to seek me, to complain
bitterly of these importunate solicitations of her sister. As I
did not appear to accede entirely to her reasoning, and for the
purpose of proving her, dwelt on those considerations which
ought to incline her to marriage, 'Ah, my Father,' said she,
'_I am not any longer my own._ I have given myself entirely to
Jesus Christ, and it is not possible for me to change masters.
The poverty with which I am threatened gives me no uneasiness.
So little is requisite to supply the necessities of this
wretched life, that my labor can furnish this, and I can always
find something to cover me.' I sent her away, saying that she
should think well on the subject, for it was one which merited
the most serious attention.

Scarcely had she returned to the cabin, when her sister,
impatient to bring her over to her views, pressed her anew to
end her wavering by forming an advantageous settlement. But
finding from the reply of Catherine, that it was useless to
attempt to change her mind, she determined to enlist Anastasia
in her interests, since they both regarded her as their mother.
In this she was successful. Anastasia was readily induced to
believe that Catherine had too hastily formed her resolution,
and therefore employed all that influence which age and virtue
gave her over the mind of the young girl, to persuade her that
marriage was the only part she ought to take.

This measure, however, had no greater success than the other;
and Anastasia, who had always until that time found so much
docility in Catherine, was extremely surprised at the little
deference she paid to her counsels. She even bitterly
reproached her, and threatened to bring her complaints to me.
Catherine anticipated her in this, and after having related the
pains they forced her to suffer to induce her to adopt a course
so little to her taste,[64] she prayed me to aid her in
consummating the sacrifice she wished to make of herself to
Jesus Christ, and to provide her a refuge from the opposition
she had to undergo from Anastasia and her sister. I praised her
design, but at the same time advised her to take yet three days
to deliberate on an affair of such importance, and during that
time to offer up extraordinary prayers that she might be better
taught the will of God; after which, if she still persisted in
her resolution, I promised her to put an end to the
importunities of her relatives. She at first acquiesced in what
I proposed, but in less than a quarter of an hour, came back to
seek me. 'It is settled,' said she, as she came near me; 'it is
not a question for deliberation; my part has long since been
taken. No, my father, I can have no other spouse but Jesus
Christ.' I thought that it would be wrong for me any longer to
oppose a resolution which seemed to me inspired by the Holy
Spirit, and therefore exhorted her to perseverance, assuring
her that I would undertake her defence against those who wished
henceforth to disturb her on that subject. This answer restored
her former tranquillity of mind, and re-established in her soul
that inward peace which she preserved even to the end of her
life.

Scarcely had she gone, when Anastasia came to complain, in her
turn, that Catherine would not listen to any advice, but
followed only her own whims. She was running on in this
strain, when I interrupted her by saying that I was acquainted
with the cause of her dissatisfaction, but was astonished that
a Christian as old as she was could disapprove of an action
which merited the highest praise, and that if she had faith,
she ought to know the value of a state so sublime as that of
celibacy, which rendered feeble men like to the angels
themselves. At these words Anastasia seemed to be in a perfect
dream; and as she possessed a deeply seated devotion of spirit,
she almost immediately began to turn the blame upon herself;
she admired the courage of this virtuous girl, and at length
became the foremost to fortify her in the holy resolution she
had taken.... [As for Catherine], feeble as she was, she
redoubled her diligence in labor, her watchings, fastings, and
other austerities. It was then the end of autumn, when the
Indians are accustomed to form their parties to go out to hunt
during the winter in the forests. The sojourn which Catherine
had already made there, and the pain she had suffered at being
deprived of the religious privileges she possessed in the
village, had induced her to form the resolution, as I have
already mentioned, that she would never during her life return
there. I thought, however, that the change of air and the diet,
which is so much better in the forest, would be able to restore
her health, which was now very much impaired. It was for this
reason that I advised her to follow the family and others, who
went to the hunting-grounds.[65]

"She remained, therefore, during the winter in the village,
where she lived only on Indian corn, and was subjected indeed
to much suffering. But not content with allowing her body only
this insipid food, which could scarcely sustain it, she
subjected it also to austerities and excessive penances,
without taking counsel of any one, persuading herself that
while the object was self-mortification, she was right in
giving herself up to everything which could increase her
fervor. She was incited to these holy exercises by the noble
examples of self-mortification which she always had before her
eyes. The spirit of penance reigned among the Christians at the
Sault. Fastings, discipline carried even unto blood, belts
lined with points of iron,--these were their most common
austerities. And some of them, by these voluntary macerations,
prepared themselves when the time came, to suffer the most
fearful torments.... One in particular among them, named
Etienne, signalized his constancy and faith. When environed by
the burning flames [at Onondaga], he did not cease to encourage
his wife, who was suffering the same torture, to invoke with
him the holy name of Jesus. Being on the point of expiring, he
rallied all his strength, and in imitation of his Master,
prayed the Lord with a loud voice for the conversion of those
who had treated him with such inhumanity. Many of the savages,
touched by a spectacle so new to them, abandoned their country
and came to the Mission du Sault, to ask for baptism, and live
there in accordance with the laws of the Gospel.

"The women were not behind their husbands in the ardor they
showed for a life of penance. They even went to such extremes
that when it came to our knowledge we were obliged to moderate
their zeal. Besides the ordinary instruments of mortification
which they employed, they had a thousand new inventions to
inflict suffering upon themselves. Some placed themselves in
the snow when the cold was most severe; others stripped
themselves to the waist in retired places, and remained a long
time exposed to the rigor of the season, on the banks of a
frozen river, and where the wind was blowing with violence.
There were even those who, after having broken the ice in the
ponds, plunged themselves in up to the neck, and remained there
as long as it was necessary for them to recite many times the
ten beads of their rosary. One of them did this three nights in
succession, and it was the cause of so violent a fever that it
was thought she would have died of it. Another one surprised me
extremely by her simplicity. I learned that, not content with
having herself used this mortification, she had also plunged
her daughter, but three years old, into the frozen river, from
which she drew her out half dead. When I sharply reproached her
indiscretion, she answered me with a surprising naivete, that
she did not think she was doing anything wrong, but that
knowing her daughter would one day certainly offend the Lord,
she had wished to impose on her in advance the pain which her
sin merited.

"Although those who inflicted these mortifications on
themselves were particular to conceal them from the knowledge
of the public, yet Catherine, who had a mind quick and
penetrating, did not fail from various appearances to
conjecture that which they held so secret; and as she studied
every means to testify more and more her love to Jesus Christ,
she applied herself to examine everything that was done
pleasing to the Lord, that she might herself immediately put it
in practice."

Chauchetiere, alluding to the events of this same fall and winter (1678 and 1679), gives some details of her life not mentioned by Cholenec. He says:--

"As soon as she learned from Father Fremin that God left every
Christian free to marry or not to marry, she lost no time in
choosing a state of life for herself, and furthermore, if the
fear that she had of appearing virtuous had not restrained her,
she would have cut off her hair; she contented herself with
dressing like those who were the most modest in the village.
Father Fremin gave her some rules of life more special than
those he gave to the others; he directed her to keep herself in
retirement, above all during the summer time, when the canoes
of the Ottawas came down, to remain in her cabin, and not go to
the water's edge to see them arrive, like the rest. She also
regarded what he said about not going to Montreal. In a word,
it was only necessary to tell her a thing once, and she put it
in practice. It was a common saying in the village that
Catherine was never elsewhere than in her cabin or in the
church; that she knew but two paths,--one to her field, and the
other to her cabin. But to come in particular to the rules that
she prescribed for herself, here are a few of them.

"Being a young Indian, twenty-two or twenty-three years old,
she must naturally have liked to be well and properly dressed
like the others, which consists in having the hair well oiled,
well tied, and well parted, in having a long braid [queue]
behind, and in adorning the neck with wampum. They like to have
beautiful blankets and beautiful chemises, to have the leggings
or mittens well made, and above all to have just the right kind
of a moccasin; in a word, vanity possesses them.

"Catherine thought she could do away with all that, without
eccentricity. But one could see by her dress what her thought
was. She was not looking for a husband; she gave up all bright
red blankets and all the ornaments that the Indian girls wear.
She had a blue blanket, new and simple, for the days when she
went to communion; but more than that, she had an interior,
very perfect, which was known only to God; but which she could
not hide so well but that her companion knew of it at the times
of their greatest fervor.... Marie Therese Tegaiaguenta once
told Catherine of certain movements of indignation that she had
against herself and her sins; and that when she was going one
day into the woods feeling herself oppressed with grief at the
thought of her sins, she had taken a handful of switches and
had given herself heavy strokes with them on her hands; and
that another time having climbed a tall tree to get birch-bark
for a piece of work, when she was at the top she was seized
with fear. Casting her eyes to the foot of the tree where there
were many stones, she believed with reason, that if she fell
she would break her head. But a good thought came to her then,
which confirmed her more than ever in all the good resolutions
she had already made to serve God; for reflecting on her fear,
she blamed herself for fearing to die and not fearing even more
than that to fall into hell. Tears came into her eyes as she
descended; and when she reached the ground, she sat down at the
foot of the tree, throwing her bark aside, and giving way to
the good feeling that had taken possession of her."

Kateri did not forget what her companion told her about the switches, and resolved to make a daily practice for herself which she could keep up during the time of the chase.

While her sister with her family were off at the hunting-camp, Kateri had as much time as she could wish to satisfy her devotion at the village chapel. She remained there so many hours on her knees in the coldest winter weather, that more than once some one or other of the blackgowns, moved with compassion at sight of her half-frozen condition, obliged her to leave the chapel and go warm herself. Kateri had at last learned, by repeated inquiries, all she wanted to know about the nuns whom she had seen at Montreal. She was now aware that they were Christian virgins consecrated to God by a vow of perpetual continence.

Cholenec says:--

"She gave me no peace till I had granted her permission to make
the same sacrifice of herself, not by a simple resolution to
guard her virginity, such as she had already made, but by an
irrevocable engagement which obliged her to belong to God
without any recall. I would not, however, give my consent to
this step until I had well proved her, and been anew convinced
that it was the Spirit of God acting in this excellent girl,
which had thus inspired her with a design of which there had
never been an example among the Indians."

FOOTNOTES:

[64] In another account of this interview given by Cholenec in his manuscript life of Kateri, which has never been published, but is still preserved by the Jesuits at Montreal, are the following words: "Ah, mon pere, me repondit-elle sur le champ, et sans hesiter, 'Je ne l'aurois m'y rendre. Je hais les hommes, j'ai la derniere aversion pour le mariage,--la chose m'est impossible!'"

[65] Cholenec, in an older manuscript, gives further particulars concerning the life of this "Premiere Vierge Irokoise." In that account of the interview, after giving the above recommendation to Kateri about her health, her director goes on to describe the way in which his advice was received. "At these words she only laughed, and a moment after, taking that air so devout which was usual with her when she came to speak to me of her spiritual affairs, she made this beautiful reply, worthy of Catherine Tegakouita: 'Ah, my father, it is true that the body has good cheer in the woods, but the soul languishes there and dies of hunger; whereas in the village, if the body suffers a little from not being so well nourished, the soul finds its full satisfaction, being nearer to Our Lord. Therefore I abandon this miserable body to hunger, and to all that might happen to it afterwards, in order that my soul may be content, and may have its ordinary nourishment."