Chapter XI

A JOHN BULL FAMILY ABROAD FOR THE FIRST TIME.

We heard from Norah that great preparations had been going on at Chandos Mount for their tour; and none of the party ever having been abroad before, they fancied every kind of thing was required for their comfort in foreign hotels.

An experienced courier, Signor Valentino, was engaged, who strongly advised that they should engage Cattarina Diabelli as their travelling ladysmaid. But it seemed that Cattarina considered that she had been a kind of travelling companion to the celebrated beauty, Countess Rossi, and only assisted at her Court toilettes, therefore she could not undertake a place with such an unknown person as Mrs. Chandos. She would, however, condescend so to demean herself, if her former underling, Mrs. Spinnyfit, was also engaged as acting ladysmaid.

The all-seeing Signor Valentino also discovered that Miss Rumble, the governess, from her John-Bull tastes, would prove rather troublesome, and suggested that a foreigner would be better. But Mrs. Chandos had become very much attached to the good homely woman, and rebelled at any change; so she persuaded the rather reluctant governess to remain and encounter the evils of being obliged to eat frogs, sleep in damp beds, and encounter the various ills which in those days were much dreaded in a first visit to foreign parts. And Miss Rumble began to consider herself a martyr to duty and affection to her mistress and pupils. She had fortunately a good knowledge of French, or rather of its literature; but she spoke the language with a most decided English accent and idiom, and knew very little Italian. They took with them every kind of so-called portable conveniences, which, proving to be great incumbrances, were gradually given away on the road, or purposely left behind.

Norah’s greatest anxiety was for her father’s comfort, for he had never quite recovered from his dangerous illness, and consequently suffered from all the little rubs and inconveniences which even Signor Valentino’s choice of the best inns could not avert; but she was able so fully to enjoy the interesting or beautiful scenes through which they passed, that she often succeeded in kindling his admiration, and thereby inducing him to forget his sufferings.

And when they slept at places which did not possess any particular beauty or historical interest, she amused him by describing the blunders made by Mrs. Spinnyfit, or the children’s nurse, a loud-voiced Dorsetshire woman, who fancied that by pronouncing her own vernacular very strongly in the ears of the French waiters and maids, she would be able to make them understand her wants.

As they went through part of Germany, Miss Rumble, who did not know a word of German, thought it a good opportunity to learn the language, and by the aid of a dictionary, always asked for anything in German, and the result was often very amusing. Mrs. Chandos too thought it a very wise plan, and often aided the governess to look out for the word she wanted. The result at Coblentz was that they asked the waiter to bring the bill by using the word _Schnabel_, “the beak or bill of a bird;” and Miss Rumble gravely informed her neighbour at the table-d’hote at Swalbach, that she had been out that morning and had got very drunk!--meaning that she had got wet through with the rain.

They travelled in two carriages. Mrs. Chandos and the children in an open landau went first, and Mr. Chandos preferred the travelling chariot where he could lie down, and with no one inside but Norah, who always contrived to soothe and cheer his spirits; in the box behind, that she might fully enjoy the scenery, sat Miss Rumble and, to take care of her, the English footman.

In the last stage between their halting-place of the night before and Schaffhausen, they met with a strange accident. The four horses and two whip-cracking postilions who were driving the chariot, were dashing down a steep hill at a great rate, when, with a sudden jerk, the rumble came off and fell on the dusty road. As the ground was soft, neither of the occupants was much hurt, but all their efforts to stop the carriage was unavailing. In vain they shouted and screamed and ran; in a few minutes the carriage had totally disappeared. What was to be done? Miss Rumble knew it was a long stage, for she always studied the handbook, and they could not have come half way. They walked down the hill, leaving, of course, the rumble in the middle of the dusty road, but no town or village could be seen.

Unfortunately Miss Rumble had taken a very long walk before they started that day, for she was a most conscientious and indefatigable sight-seer, and she was so tried that she had been (though she never confessed this), fast asleep at the time of her fall. So, after walking a mile or two, she sat down in mute despair, and resolved to wait till Mr. Chandos had arrived at Schaffhausen, when, of course, they would discover what had happened, and would send some conveyance back for them.

They were to have made their early dinner at Schauffhausen, and John, suffering from the cravings of hunger--which seems to be the usual state of most English servants abroad, where they often complain of being cut down to four meals a day, and “never getting no real good victuals to eat”--suggested that he should walk on till he reached some town or village where an inn could be found.

But Miss Rumble wisely remarked that he would not be able to make his wants understood without help, so the compassionate lady offered to try and go on. But the sun was hot, and there was no shade, and moreover, they soon came to a place where the road diverged, and there was nothing to indicate which of the two led to Schauffhausen.

Miss Rumble drew out her guide-book map, and looked at the sun and the shadows, and, after due consideration, resolved to try the one on the right. This wound round the side of a hill, and they soon afterwards came in sight of a small town or village at the bottom of it. The sight revived their drooping courage, and they pushed on till they entered the street, and saw a kind of cook-shop or kitchen belonging to an inn, where a large man in white, with a high night-cap on his head, was vigorously employed in beating up a _soufflé_.

Miss Rumble addressed him in French, and, in order to make her efforts more intelligible, took hold of a piece of bread and pointed to her mouth. Her appearance was probably not prepossessing, being covered with dust, and her bonnet smashed with the tumble, and her dress much disordered. Evidently the large cook did not like her appearance, and was not disposed to grant the request which he did not understand.

Upon which she took another piece of bread and gave it to John, which so exasperated the red-faced artist that he made an effort to seize it out of her hand. This was more than John could stand, so he began to abuse the man in English, and shook his doubled-up fist nearer the cook’s face than that gentleman liked. In return he gave John a blow with his wisp.

John was much the smallest of the two, but he was not wanting in pluck, so he tucked up his sleeves in boxing fashion, and dealt the artist such a well-directed blow as to knock him down among his own pots and pans, upsetting the precious _soufflé_, the well-beaten eggs, and other savoury ingredients, over the cook’s red face and white attire.

In the meantime a crowd had collected at the door, and cries of _Polizei_, or, as John afterwards described to his edified friends, “Polly’s eye,” were heard. Miss Rumble was on the point of fainting, but there was not time, for she found herself seized on and walked off to the Herr Mayor, amid the shouts of the mob. In vain she protested in French and English, and in a few unintelligible words of German, against this outrage, vociferating, “Mr. Chandos, Miss Chandos, Schaffhausen accident, Hotel Goldne Krone--Schaffhausen!”

Fortunately for Miss Rumble and her companion, the Mayor before whom they were carried spoke French, and she gradually made him understand the whole case; whereupon he promised to send a messenger to Mr. Chandos, at the Goldne Krone, Schauffhausen, to apprise him of her dilemma.

Among the lookers-on there was a man with a deep scar on his forehead, who spoke to Miss Rumble in English, and offered to be the messenger, if the Herr would employ him. The delighted governess took out her purse and offered him some money, and promised more if he would be her guide; for she was not sure that Mr. Chandos intended to sleep there, and she was anxious not to detain the family longer than was necessary.

“I think I seed that ’ere chap afore somewhere,” said John, when the man had started, “but, for the life o’ me, I can’t tell where; but his’n ain’t a face to forget, nor it ain’t one I’d like to meet in a narrow lane on a dark night, if I’d money in my pocket.”

“Oh! my goodness, John, then perhaps he will pocket my pound, and never come back,” said Miss Rumble; and, turning back, she suggested to the Herr that another messenger had better be despatched.

“Certainly, if Madame wished; but he thought, as a compatriot, that Madame was satisfied with him.”

But another was not easy to be found at the moment, and while they were searching for one a carriage drove up, with the Englishman on the box, and Mr. Valentino inside. The affair was soon settled, and the delighted Miss Rumble took her place inside the little open carriage by Signor Valentino.

But that experienced gentleman was not satisfied to leave the rumble which they had left, or rather which had left them, on the hill, so they drove back to the spot. There they found the rumble, though it had meanwhile been moved to the side of the road, and a seat-box, containing Cattarina Diabelli’s things, had been taken away.

As they met no one on the road, and no town was nearer than the one from which they had just come, Signor Valentino thought it better to proceed at once to Schauffhausen, and set the police there to make a search for the missing box, which had evidently been stolen.