Chapter VIII: Part 8

When he got home he tested the sight of his eye with a two-franc piece on the green table-cloth, and found there was no mistake--a portion of his remaining eye was stone-blind.

He spent a miserable night, and went next day to Louvain, to see the oculist.

M. Noiret heard his story, arranged the dark room and the lamp, dilated the right pupil with atropine, and made a minute examination with the ophthalmoscope.

Then he became very thoughtful, and led the way to his library and begged Barty to sit down; and began to talk to him very seriously indeed, like a father--patting the while a small Italian greyhound that lay and shivered and whined in a little round cot by the fire.

M. Noiret began by inquiring into his circumstances, which were not nourishing, as we know--and Barty made no secret of them; then he asked him if he were fond of music, and was pleased to hear that he was, since it is such an immense resource; then he asked him if he belonged to the Roman Catholic faith, and again was pleased.

"For"--said he--"you will need all your courage and all your religion to hear and bear what it is my misfortune to have to tell you. I hope you will have more fortitude than another young patient of mine (also an artist) to whom I was obliged to make a similar communication. He blew out his brains on my door-step!"

"I promise you I will not do that. I suppose I am going blind?"

"Helas! mon jeune ami! I grieve to say that the fatal disease, congestion and detachment of the retina, which has so obstinately and irrevocably destroyed your left eye, has begun its terrible work on the right. We will fight for every inch of the way. But I fear I must not give you any hope, after the careful examination I have just made. It is my duty to be frank with you."

Then he said much about the will of God, and where true comfort was to be found, at the foot of the Cross; in fact, he said all he ought to have said according to his lights, as he fondled his little greyhound--and finally took Barty to the door, which he opened for him, most politely bowing with his black velvet skull-cap; and pocketed his full fee (ten francs) with his usual grace of careless indifference, and gently shut the door on him. There was nothing else to do.

Barty stood there for some time, quite dazed; partly because his pupil was so dilated he could hardly see--partly (he thinks) because he in some way became unconscious; although when he woke from this little seeming trance, which may have lasted for more than a minute, he found himself still standing upright on his legs. What woke him was the _sudden consciousness of the north_, which he hadn't felt for many years; and this gave him extraordinary confidence in himself, and such a wholesome sense of power and courage that he quickly recovered his wits; and when the glad surprise of this had worn itself away he was able to think and realize the terrible thing that had happened. He was almost pleased that his aunt Caroline was away. He felt he could not have faced her with such news--it was a thing easier to write and prepare her for than to tell by word of mouth.

He walked about Louvain for several hours, to tire himself. Then he went to Brussels and dined, and again walked about the lamp-lit streets and up and down the station, and finally went back to Malines by a late train--very nervous--expecting that the retina of His right eye would suddenly go pop--yet hugging himself all the while in his renewed old comfortable feeling of companionship with the north pole, that made him feel like a boy again; that inexplicable sensation so intimately associated with all the best reminiscences of his innocent and happy childhood.

He had been talking to himself like a father all day, though not in the same strain as M. Noiret; and had almost arrived at framing the programme of a possible existence--singing at cafes with his guitar--singing anywhere: he felt sure of a living for himself, and for the little boy who would have to lead him about--if the worst came to the worst.

If but the feeling of self-orientation which was so necessary to him could only be depended upon, he felt that in time he would have pluck enough to bear anything. Indeed, total eclipse was less appalling, in its finality, than that miserable sword of Damocles which had been hanging over him for months--robbing him of his manhood--poisoning all the springs of life.

Why not make life-long endurance of evil a study, a hobby, and a pride; and be patient as bronze or marble, and ever wear an invincible smile at grief, even when in darkness and alone? Why not, indeed!

And he set himself then and there to smile invincibly, meaning to keep on smiling for fifty years at least--the blind live long.

So he chatted to himself, saying _Sursum cor! Sursum corda!_ all the way home; and walking down the Grand Brul, he had a little adventure which absolutely gave him a hearty guffaw and sent him almost laughing to bed.

There was a noisy squabble between some soldiers and civilians on the opposite side of the way, and a group of men in blouses were looking on. Barty stood leaning against a lamp-post, and looked on too.

Suddenly a small soldier rushed at the blouses, brandishing his short straight sword (or _coupe-choux_, as it is called in civilian slang), and saying:

"Ca ne vous regarde pas, savez-vous! allez-vous en bien vite, ou je vous ..."

The blouses fled like sheep.

Then as he caught sight of Barty he reached at him.

"Ca ne vous regarde pas, savez-vous!..."

(It doesn't concern you.)

"Non--c'est moi qui regarde, savez-vous!" said Barty.

"Qu'est-ce que vous regardez?"

"Je regarde la lune et les etoiles. Je regarde la comete!"

"Voulez-vous bien vous en aller bien vite?"

"Une autre fois!" says Barty.

"Allez-vous en, je vous dis!"

"Apres-demain!"

"Vous ... ne ... voulez ... pas ... vous ... en ... aller?" says the soldier, on tiptoe, his chest against Barty's stomach, his nose almost up to Barty's chin, glaring up like a fiend and poising his _coupe-choux_ for a death-stroke.

"_Non_, sacre petit pousse-cailloux du diable!" roars Barty.

"Eh bien, restez ou vous etes!" and the little man plunged back into the fray on the opposite side--and no blood was shed after all.

Barty dreamt of this adventure, and woke up laughing at it in the small hours of that night. Then, suddenly, in the dark, he remembered the horror of what had happened. It overwhelmed him. He realized, as in a sudden illuminating flash, what life meant for him hence-forward--life that might last for so many years.

Vitality is at its lowest ebb at that time of night; though the brain is quick to perceive, and so clear that its logic seems inexorable.

It was hell. It was not to be borne a moment longer. It must be put an end to at once. He tried to feel the north, but could not. He would kill himself then and there, while his aunt was away; so that the horror of the sight of him, after, should at least be spared her.

He jumped out of bed and struck a light. Thank Heaven, he wasn't blind yet, though he saw all the bogies, as he called them, that had made his life a burden to him for the last two years--the retina floating loose about his left eye, tumbling and deforming every lighted thing it reflected--and also the new dark spot in his right.

He partially dressed, and stole up-stairs to old Torfs's photographic studio. He knew where he could find a bottle full of cyanide of potassium, used for removing finger-stains left by silver nitrate; there was enough of it to poison a whole regiment. That was better than taking a header off the roof. He seized a handful of the stuff, and came down and put it into a tumbler by his bedside and poured some water over it.

Then he got his writing-case and a pen and ink, and jumped into bed; and there he wrote four letters: one to Lady Caroline, one to Father Louis, one to Lord Archibald, and one to me in Blaze.

The cyanide was slow in melting. He crushed it angrily in the glass with his penholder--and the scent of bitter-almonds filled the room. Just then the sense of the north came back to him in full; but it only strengthened his resolve and made him all the calmer.

He lay staring at the tumbler, watching little bubbles, revelling in what remained of his exquisite faculty of minute sight--with a feeling of great peace; and thought prayerfully; lost himself in a kind of formless prayer without words--lost himself completely. It was as if the wished-for dissolution were coming of its own accord; Nirvana--an ecstasy of conscious annihilation--the blessed end, the end of all! as though he were passing

"... du sommeil au songe--
Du songe a la mort."

It was not so....

* * * * *

He was aroused by a knock at the door, which was locked. It was broad daylight.

"Il est dix heures, savez-vous?" said little Frau outside--"voulez-vous votre cafe dans votre chambre?"

"O Christ!" said Barty--and jumped out of bed. "It's all got to be done now!"

But something very strange had happened.

The tumbler was still there, but the cyanide had disappeared; so had the four letters he had written. His pen and ink were on the table, and on his open writing-case lay a letter in Blaze--in his own handwriting. The north was strong in him. He called out to Finche Torfs to leave his coffee in the drawing-room, and read his blaze letter--and this is what he read:

"My dear Barty,--Don't be in the least alarmed on reading this hasty
scrawl, after waking from the sleep you meant to sleep forever.
There is no sleep without a live body to sleep in--no such thing as
everlasting sleep. Self-destruction seems a very simple thing--more
often a duty than not; but it's not to be done! It is quite
impossible not to be, when once you have been.

"If I were to let you destroy your body, as you were so bent on
doing, the strongest interest I have on earth would cease to exist.

"I love you, Barty, with a love passing the love of woman; and have
done so from the day you were born. I loved your father and mother
before you--and theirs; ca date de loin, mon pauvre ami! And
especially I love your splendid body and all that belongs to
it--brain, stomach, heart, and the rest; even your poor remaining
eye, which is worth all the eyes of Argus!

"So I have used your own pen and ink and paper, your own right hand
and brain, your own cipher, and the words that are yours, to write
you this--in English. I like English better than French.

"Listen. Monsieur Noiret is a fool; and you are a poor self-deluded
hypochondriac.

"I am convinced your right eye is safe for many years to
come--probably for the rest of your life.

"You have quite deceived yourself in fancying that the symptom you
perceived in your right eye threatens the disease which has
destroyed your left--for the sight of that, alas! is irretrievably
gone; so don't trouble about it any more. It will always be charming
to _look at_, but it will never _see_ again. Some day I will tell
you how you came to lose the use of it. I think I know.

"M. Noiret is new to the ophthalmoscope. The old humbug never saw
your right retina at all--nor your left one either, for that matter.
He only pretended, and judged entirely by what you told him; and you
didn't tell him very clearly. He's a Belgian, you know, and a
priest, and doesn't think very quick.

"_I_ saw your retina, although but with _his_ eye. There is no sign
of congestion or coming detachment whatever. That blind portion you
discovered is in _every_ eye. It is called the '_punctum coecum_.' It
is where the optic nerve enters the retina and spreads out. It is
only with one eye shut that an ordinary person can find it, for each
eye supplements this defect of the other. To-morrow morning try the
experiment on little Finche Torfs; on any one you meet. You will
find it in everybody.

"So don't trouble about either eye any more. I'm not infallible, of
course; it's only _your_ brain I'm using now. But your brain is
infinitely better than that of poor M. Noiret, who doesn't know what
his eye really perceives, and takes it for something else! Your
brain is the best brain I know, although you are not aware of this,
and have never even used it, except for trash and nonsense. But you
_shall_--some day. _I'll_ take care of that, and the world shall
wonder.

"Trust me. Live on, and I will never desert you again, unless you
again force me to by your conduct. I have come back to you in the
hour of your need.

"I have managed to make you, in your sleep, throw away your poison
where it will injure nobody but the rats, and no one will be a bit
the wiser. I have made you burn your touching letters of farewell;
you will find the ashes inside the stove. Yours is a good heart!

"Now take a cold bath and have a good breakfast, and go to Antwerp
or Brussels and see people and amuse yourself.

"Never see M. Noiret again. But when your aunt comes back you must
both clear out of this depressing priestly hole; it doesn't suit
either of you, body or mind. Go to Duesseldorf, in Prussia. Close by,
at a village called Riffrath, lives an old doctor, Dr. Hasenclever,
who understands a deal about the human heart and something about the
human body; and even a little about the human eye, for he is a
famous oculist. He can't cure, but he'll give you things that at
least will do you no harm. He won't rid you of the eye that remains!
You will meet some pleasant English people, whom I particularly wish
you to meet, and make friends, and have a holiday from trouble, and
begin the world anew.

"As to who _I_ am, you shall know in time. My power to help you is
very limited, but my devotion to you (for very good reasons) has no
limits at all.

"Take it that my name is Martia. When you have finished reading this
letter look at yourself in your looking-glass and say (loud enough
for your own ears to hear you):

"'I trust you, Martia!'

"Then I will leave you for a while, and come back at night, as in
the old days. Whenever the north is in you, there am ~I~; seeing,
hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling with your five splendid wits by
day--sleeping your lovely sleep at night; but only able to think
with _your_ brain, it seems, and then only when you are fast asleep.
I only found it out just now, and saved your earthly life, mon beau
somnambule! It was a great surprise to me!

"Don't mention this to any living soul till I give you leave. You
will only hear from me on great occasions.

"Martia."

"P. S.--Always leave something to write with by your bedside at
night, in case the great occasion should arise. On ne sait pas ce
qui peut arriver!"

Bewildered, beside himself, Barty ran to his looking-glass, and stared himself out of countenance, and almost shouted:

"I trust you, Martia!"

And ceased suddenly to feel the north.

Then he dressed and went to breakfast. Little Frau thought he had gone mad, for he put a five-franc piece upon the carpet, and made her stand a few feet off from it and cover her left eye with her hand.

"Now follow the point of my stick with your right eye," says he, "and tell me if the five-franc piece disappears."

And he slowly drew with the point of his stick an imaginary line from the five-franc piece to the left of her, at right angles to where she stood. When the point of the stick was about two feet from the coin, she said:

"Tiens, tiens, I no longer see the piece!"

When the point of the stick had got a foot farther on, she said, "Now I can see the piece again quite plain."

Then he tried the same experiment on her left eye, rightwards, with the same result. Then he experimented with equal success on her father and mother, and found that every eye at No. 36 Rue des Ursulines Blanches had exactly the same blind spot as his own.

Then off he went to Antwerp to see his friends with a light heart--the first light heart he had known for many months; but when he got there he was so preoccupied with what had happened that he did not care to see anybody.

He walked about the ramparts and along the Scheldt, and read and re-read that extraordinary letter.

Who and what could Martia be?

The reminiscence of some antenatal incarnation of his own soul? The soul of some ancestor or ancestress--of his mother, perhaps? or, perhaps, some occult portion of himself--of his own brain in unconscious cerebration during sleep?

As a child and a small boy, and even as a very young man, he had often dreamt at night of a strange, dim land by the sea, a land unlike any land he had ever beheld with the waking eye, where beautiful aquatic people, mermen and mermaids and charming little mer-children (of which he was one) lived an amphibious life by day, diving and sporting in the waves.

Splendid caverns, decorated with precious stones, and hung with soft moss, and shining with a strange light; heavenly music, sweet, affectionate caresses--and then total darkness; and yet one knew who and what and where everything and everybody was by some keener sense than that of sight.

It all seemed strange and delightful, but so vague and shadowy it was impossible to remember anything clearly; but ever pervading all things was that feeling of the north which had always been such a comfort to him.

Was this extraordinary letter the result of some such forgotten dream he may have had during the previous night, and which may have prompted him to write it in his sleep? some internal knowledge of the anatomy of his own eye which was denied to him when awake?

Anyhow, it was evidently true about that blind spot in the retina (the _punctum coecum_), and that he had been frightening himself out of his wits for nothing, and that his right eye was really sound; and, all through this wondrous yet simple revelation, it was time this old hysterical mock-disease should die.

Once more life was full of hopes and possibilities, and with such inarticulate and mysterious promptings as he often felt within his soul, and such a hidden gift to guide them, what might he not one day develop into?

Then he went and found Tescheles, and they dined together with a famous pianist, Louis Brassin, and afterwards there was music, and Barty felt the north, and his bliss was transcendent as he went back to Malines by the last train--talking to Martia (as he expressed it to himself) in a confidential whisper which he made audible to his own ear (that she, if it was a she, might hear too); almost praying, in a fervor of hope and gratitude; and begging for further guidance; and he went warmly to sleep, hugging close within himself, somewhere about the region of the diaphragm, an ineffable imaginary something which he felt to be more precious than any possession that had ever yet been his--more precious even than the apple of his remaining eye; and when he awoke next morning he felt he had been most blissfully dreaming all night long, but could not remember anything of his dreams, and on a piece of paper he had left by his bedside was written in pencil, in his own blaze:

"You must depend upon yourself, Barty, not on me. Follow your own instincts when you feel you can do so without self-reproach, and all will be well with you.--M."

His instincts led him to spend the day in Brussels, and he followed them; he still wanted to walk about and muse and ponder, and Brussels is a very nice, gay, and civilized city for such a purpose--a little Paris, with charming streets and shops and a charming arcade, and very good places to eat and drink in, and hear pretty music.

He did all this, and spent a happy day.

Ho came to the conclusion that the only way to keenly appreciate and thoroughly enjoy the priceless gift of sight in one eye was to lose that of the other; in the kingdom of the blind the one-eyed is king, and he fully revelled in the royalty that was now his, he hoped, for evermore; but wished for himself as limited a kingdom and as few subjects as possible.

Then back to Malines by the last train--and the sensation of the north, and a good-night; but no message in the morning--no message from Martia for many mornings to come.

He received, however, a long letter from Lady Caroline.

The old Marquis had died without pain, and with nearly all his family round him; but perfectly childish, as he had been for two or three years. He was to be buried on the following Monday.

Barty wrote a long letter in reply, telling his aunt how much better he had suddenly become in health and spirits; how he had thought of things, and quite reconciled himself at last to the loss of his left eye, and meant to keep the other and make the best of it he could; how he had heard of a certain Doctor Hasenclever, a famous oculist near Duesseldorf, and would like to consult him; how Duesseldorf was such a healthy town, charming and gay, full of painters and soldiers, the best and nicest people in the world--and also very cheap. Mightn't they try it?

He was very anxious indeed to go back to his painting, and Duesseldorf was as good a school as any, etc., etc., etc. He wrote pages--of the kind he knew she would like, for it was of the kind he liked writing to her; they understood each other thoroughly, he and Lady Caroline, and well he knew that she could only be quite happy in doing whatever he had most at heart.

How he longed to tell her everything! but that must not be. I can imagine all the deep discomfort to poor Barty of having to be discreet for the first time in his life, of having to keep a secret--and from his beloved Aunt Caroline of all people in the world!

That was a happy week he spent--mostly in Antwerp among the painters. He got no more letters from Martia, not for many days to come; but he felt the north every night as he sank into healthy sleep, and woke in the morning full of hope and confidence in himself--at last _sans peur et sans reproche_.

One day in Brussels he met M. Noiret, who naturally put on a very grave face; they shook hands, and Barty inquired affectionately after the little Italian greyhound, and asked what was the French for "_punctum coecum_."

Said Noiret: "Ca s'appelle _le point cache_--c'est une portion de la retine avec laquelle on ne peut pas voir...."

Barty laughed and shook hands again, and left the Professor staring.

Then he was a great deal with Father Louis. They went to Ghent together, and other places of interest; and to concerts in Brussels.

The good Dominican was very sorrowful at the prospect of soon losing his friend. Poor Barty! The trial it was to him not to reveal his secret to this singularly kind and sympathetic comrade; not even under the seal of confession! So he did not confess at all; although he would have confessed anything to Father Louis, even if Father Louis had not been a priest. There are the high Catholics, who understand the souls of others, and all the difficulties of the conscience, and do not proselytize in a hurry; and the low Catholics, the converts of the day before yesterday, who will not let a body be!

Father Louis was a very high Catholic indeed.

The Lady Caroline Grey, 12A Scamore Place, London, to M. Josselin, 36 Rue des Ursulines Blanches, Malines:

"My dear little Barty,--Your nice long letter made me very
happy--happy beyond description; it makes me almost jealous to think
that you should have suddenly got so much better in your health and
spirits while I was away: you won't want me any more! That doesn't
prevent my longing to get back to you. You must put up with your
poor old aunty for a little while yet.

"And now for _my_ news--I couldn't write before. Poor papa was
buried on Monday, and we all came back here next day. He has left
you L200: c'est toujours ca! Everything seems in a great mess. Your
Uncle Runswick[1] is going to be very poor indeed; he is going to
let Castle Rohan, and live here all the year round. Poor fellow, he
looks as old as his father did ten years ago, and he's only
sixty-three! If Algy could only make a good marriage! At forty
that's easier said than done.

[Footnote 1: The new Marquis of Whitby.]

"Archibald and his wife are at a place called Monte Carlo, where
there are gaming-tables: she gambles fearfully, it seems; and they
lead a cat-and-dog life. She is _plus que coquette_, and extravagant
to a degree; and he is quite shrunk and prematurely old, and almost
shabby, and drinks more brandy than he ought.

"Daphne is charming, and is to come out next spring; she will have
L3000 a year, lucky child; all out of chocolate. What nonsense we've
all talked about trade! We shall all have to take to it in time. The
Lonlay-Savignac people were wise in their generation.

"And what do you think? Young Digby-Dobbs wants to marry her, out
of the school-room! He'll be Lord Frognal, you know; and very soon,
for his father is drinking himself to death.

"He's in your old regiment, and a great favorite; not yet twenty--he
only left Eton last Christmas twelvemonth. She says she won't have
him at any price, because he stammers.

"She declares you haven't written to her for three months, and that
you owe her an illustrated letter in French, with priests and nuns,
and dogs harnessed to a cart.

"And now for news that will delight you: She is to come abroad with
me for a twelvemonth, and wishes to go with you and me to Duesseldorf
first! _Isn't_ that a happy coincidence? We would all spend the
summer there, and then Italy for the winter; you too, if you can (so
you must be economical with that L200).

"I have already heard wonders about Dr. Hasenclever, even before
your letter came; he cured General Baines, who was given up by
everybody here, Lady Palmerston told me; she was here yesterday,
by-the-bye, and the Duchess of Bermondsey, and both inquired most
kindly after you.

"The Duchess looked as handsome as ever, and as proud as a peacock;
for last year she presented her niece, Julia Royce, 'the divine
Julia,' the greatest beauty ever seen, I am told--with many
thousands a year, if you please--Lady Jane Royce's daughter, an only
child, and her father's dead. She's six feet high, so you would go
mad about her. She's already refused sixty offers, good ones; among
them little Lord Orrisroot, the hunchback, who'll have L1000 a day
(including Sundays) when he comes into the title--and that can't be
very far off, for the wicked old Duke of Deptford has got creeping
paralysis, like his father and grandfather before him, and is now
quite mad, and thinks himself a postman, and rat-tats all day long
on the furniture. Lady Jane is furious with her for not accepting;
and when Julia told her, she slapped her face before the maid!

"There's another gigantic beauty that people have gone mad about--a
Polish pianist, who's just married young Harcourt, who's a grandson
of that old scamp the Duke of Towers.

"Talking of beauties, whom do you think I met yesterday in the Park?
Whom but your stalwart friend Mr. Maurice (_he_ wasn't the beauty),
with his sister, your old Paris playfellow, and the lovely Miss
Gibson. He introduced them both, and I was delighted with them, and
we walked together by the Serpentine; and after five minutes I came
to the conclusion that Miss Gibson is as beautiful as it is possible
for a dark beauty to be, and as nice as she looks. She isn't dark
really, only her eyes and hair; her complexion is like cream: she's
a freak of nature. Lucky young Maurice if she is to be his fate--and
both well off, I suppose.

"Upon my word, if you were King Cophetua and she the beggar-maid, I
would give you both my blessing. But how is it you never fell in
love with the fair _Ida_? You never told me how handsome she is. She
too complained of you as a correspondent, and declares that she gets
one letter in return for three she writes you.

"I have bought you some pretty new songs, among others one by
Charles Kingsley, which is lovely; about three fishermen and their
wives: it reminds one of our dear Whitby! I can play the
accompaniment in perfection, and all by heart!

"Give my kindest remembrances to Father Louis and the dear Abbe
Lefebvre, and say kind things from me to the Torfses. Martha sends
her love to little Frau, and so do I.

"We hope to be in Antwerp in a fortnight, and shall put up at the
Grand Laboureur. I shall go to Malines, of course, to say good-bye
to people.

"Tell the Torfses to get my things ready for moving. There will be
five of us: I and Martha, and Daphne and two servants of her own;
for Daphne's got to take old Mrs. Richards, who won't be parted from
her.

"Good-bye for the present. My dear boy, I thank God on my knees,
night and morning for having given you back to me in my old age.

"Your ever affectionate aunt,

"Caroline.

"P. S.--You remember pretty little Kitty Hardwicke you used to flirt
with, who married young St. Clair, who's now Lord Kidderminster?
She's just had three at a birth; she had twins only last year; the
Queen's delighted. Pray be careful about never getting wet feet--"

One stormy evening in May, Mrs. Gibson drove Ida and Leah and me and Mr. Babbage, a middle-aged but very dapper War Office clerk (who was a friend of the Gibson family), to Chelsea, that we might explore Cheyne Walk and its classic neighborhood. I rode on the box by the coachman.

We alighted by the steamboat pier and explored, I walking with Leah.

We came to a very narrow street, quite straight, the narrowest street that could call itself a street at all, and rather long; we were the only people in it. It has since disappeared, with all that particular part of Chelsea.

Suddenly we saw a runaway horse without a rider coming along it at full gallop, straight at us, with a most demoralizing sharp clatter of its iron hoofs on the stone pavement.

"Your backs to the wall!" cried Mr. Babbage, and we flattened ourselves to let the maddened brute go by, bridle and stirrups flying--poor Mrs. Gibson almost faint with terror.

Leah, instead of flattening herself against the wall, put her arms round her mother, making of her own body a shield for her, and looked round at the horse as it came tearing up the street, striking sparks from the flag-stones.

Nobody was hurt, for a wonder; but Mrs. Gibson was quite overcome. Mr. Babbage was very angry with Leah, whose back the horse actually grazed, as he all but caught his hoofs in her crinoline and hit her with a stirrup on the shoulder.

I could only think of Leah's face as she looked round at the approaching horse, with her protecting arms round her mother. It was such a sudden revelation to me of what she really was, and its expression was so hauntingly impressive that I could think of nothing else. Its mild, calm courage, its utter carelessness of self, its immense tenderness--all blazed out in such beautiful lines, in such beautiful white and black, that I lost all self-control; and when we walked back to the pier, following the rest of the party, I asked her to be my wife.

She turned very pale again, and the flesh of her chin quivered as she told me that was _quite impossible--and could never be_.

I asked her if there was anybody else, and she said there was nobody, but that she did not wish ever to marry; that, beyond her parents and Ida, she loved and respected me more than anybody else in the whole world, but that she could never marry me. She was much agitated, and said the sweetest, kindest things, but put all hope out of the question at once.

It was the greatest blow I have ever had in my life.

Three days after, I went to America; and before I came back I had started in New York the American branch of the house of Vougeot-Conti, and laid the real foundation of the largest fortune that has ever yet been made by selling wine, and of the long political career about which I will say nothing in these pages.

On my voyage out I wrote a long blaze letter to Barty, and poured out all my grief, and my resignation to the decree which I felt to be irrevocable. I reminded him of that playful toss-up in Southampton Row, and told him that, having surrendered all claims myself, the best thing that could happen to me was that she should some day marry _him_ (which I certainly did not think at all likely).

So henceforward, reader, you will not be troubled by your obedient servant with the loves of a prosperous merchant of wines. Had those loves been more successful, and the wines less so, you would never have heard of either.

Whether or not I should have been a happier man in the long-run I really can't say--mine has been, on the whole, a very happy life, as men's lives go; but I am bound to admit, in all due modesty, that the universe would probably have been the poorer by some very splendid people, and perhaps by some very splendid things it could ill have spared; and one great and beautifully borne sorrow the less would have been ushered into this world of many sorrows.

* * * * *

It was a bright May morning (a year after this) when Barty and his aunt Caroline and his cousin Daphne and their servants left Antwerp for Duesseldorf on the Rhine.

At Malines they had to change trains, and spent half an hour at the station waiting for the express from Brussels and bidding farewell to their Mechlin friends, who had come there to wish them God-speed: the Abbe Lefebvre, Father Louis, and others; and the Torfses, pere et mere; and little Frau, who wept freely as Lady Caroline kissed her and gave her a pretty little diamond brooch. Barty gave her a gold cross and a hearty shake of the hand, and she seemed quite heart-broken.

Then up came the long, full train, and their luggage was swallowed, and they got in, and the two guards blew their horns, and they left Malines behind them--with a mixed feeling of elation and regret.

They had not been very happy there, but many people had been very kind; and the place, with all its dreariness, had a strange, still charm, and was full of historic beauty and romantic associations.

Passing Louvain, Barty shook his fist at the Catholic University and its scientific priestly professors, who condemned one so lightly to a living death. He hated the aspect of the place, the very smell of it.

At Verviers they left the Belgian train; they had reached the limits of King Leopold's dominions. There was half an hour for lunch in the big refreshment-room, over which his Majesty and the Queen of the Belgians presided from the wall--nearly seven feet high each of them, and in their regal robes.

Just as the Rohans ordered their repast another English party came to their table and ordered theirs--a distinguished old gentleman of naval bearing and aspect; a still young middle-aged lady, very handsome, with blue spectacles; and an immensely tall, fair girl, very fully developed, and so astonishingly beautiful that it almost took one's breath away merely to catch sight of her; and people were distracted from ordering their mid-day meal merely to stare at this magnificent goddess, who was evidently born to be a mother of heroes.

These British travellers had a valet, a courier, and two maids, and were evidently people of consequence.

Suddenly the lady with the blue spectacles (who had seated herself close to the Rohan party) got up and came round the table to Barty's aunt and said:

"You don't remember me, Lady Caroline; Lady Jane Royce!"

And an old acquaintance was renewed in this informal manner--possibly some old feud patched up.

Then everybody was introduced to everybody else, and they all lunched together, a scramble!

It turned out that Lady Jane Royce was in some alarm about her eyes, and was going to consult the famous Dr. Hasenclever, and had brought her daughter with her, just as the London season had begun.

Her daughter was the "divine Julia" who had refused so many splendid offers--among them the little hunchback Lord who was to have a thousand a day, "including Sundays"; a most unreasonable young woman, and a thorn in her mother's flesh.

The elderly gentleman, Admiral Royce, was Lady Jane's uncle-in-law, whose eyes were also giving him a little anxiety. He was a charming old stoic, by no means pompous or formal, or a martinet, and declared he remembered hearing of Barty as the naughtiest boy in the Guards; and took an immediate fancy to him in consequence.

They had come from Brussels in the same train that had brought the Rohans from Malines, and they all journeyed together from Verviers to Duesseldorf in the same first-class carriage, as became English swells of the first water--for in those days no one ever thought of going first-class in Germany except the British aristocracy and a few native royalties.

The divine Julia turned out as fascinating as she was fair, being possessed of those high spirits that result from youth and health and fancy-freedom, and no cares to speak of. She was evidently also a very clever and accomplished young lady, absolutely without affectation of any kind, and amiable and frolicsome to the highest degree--a kind of younger Barty Josselin in petticoats; oddly enough, so like him in the face she might have been his sister.

Indeed, it was a lively party that journeyed to Duesseldorf that afternoon in that gorgeously gilded compartment, though three out of the six were in deep mourning; the only person not quite happy being Lady Jane, who, in addition to her trouble about her eyes (which was really nothing to speak of), began to fidget herself miserably about Barty Josselin; for that wretched young detrimental was evidently beginning to ingratiate himself with the divine Julia as no young man had ever been known to do before, keeping her in fits of laughter, and also laughing at everything she said herself.

Alas for Lady Jane! it was to escape the attentions of a far less dangerous detrimental, and a far less ineligible one, that she had brought her daughter with her all the way to Riffrath--"from Charybdis to Scylla," as we used to say at Brossard's, putting the cart before the horse, _more Latino_!

I ought also to mention that a young Captain Graham-Reece was a patient of Dr. Hasenclever's just then--and Captain Graham-Reece was heir to the octogenarian Earl of Ironsides, who was one of the four wealthiest peers in the United Kingdom, and had no direct descendants.

When they reached Duesseldorf they all went to the Breidenbacher Hotel, where rooms had been retained for them, all but Barty, who, as became his humbler means, chose the cheaper hotel Domhardt, which overlooks the market-place adorned by the statue of the Elector that Heine has made so famous.

He took a long evening walk through the vernal Hof Gardens and by the Rhine, and thought of the beauty and splendor of the divine Julia; and sighed, and remembered that he was Mr. Nobody of Nowhere, _pictor ignotus_, with only one eye he could see with, and possessed of a fortune which invested in the 3 per cents would bring him in just L6 a year--and made up his mind he would stick to his painting and keep as much away from her divinity as possible.

"O Martia, Martia!" he said, aloud, as he suddenly felt the north at the right of him, "I hope that you are some loving female soul, and that you know my weakness--namely, that one woman in every ten thousand has a face that drives me mad; and that I can see just as well with one eye as with two, in spite of my _punctum coecum_! and that when that face is all but on a level with mine, good Lord! then am I lost indeed! I am but a poor penniless devil, without a name; oh, keep me from that ten-thousandth face, and cover my retreat!"

Next morning Lady Jane and Julia and the Admiral left for Riffrath--and Barty and his aunt and cousin went in search of lodgings; sweet it was, and bright and sunny, as they strolled down the broad Allee Strasse; a regiment of Uhlans came along on horseback, splendid fellows, the band playing the "Lorelei."

In the fulness of their hearts Daphne and Barty squeezed each other's hand to express the joy and elation they felt at the pleasantness of everything. She was his little sister once more, from whom he had so long been parted, and they loved each other very dearly.

"Que me voila donc bien contente, mon petit Barty--et toi? la jolie ville, hein?"

"C'est le ciel, tout bonnement--et tu vas m'apprendre l'allemand, n'est-ce-pas, m'amour?"

"Oui, et nous lirons _Heine_ ensemble; tiens, a propos! regarde le nom de la rue qui fait le coin! _Bolker Strasse!_ c'est la qu'il est ne, le pauvre Heine! Ote ton chapeau!"

(Barty nearly always spoke French with Daphne, as he did with my sister and me, and said "thee and thou.")

They found a furnished house that suited them in the Schadow Strasse, opposite Geissler's, where for two hours every Thursday and Sunday afternoon you might sit for sixpence in a pretty garden and drink coffee, beer, or Maitrank, and listen to lovely music, and dance in the evening under cover to strains of Strauss, Lanner, and Gungl, and other heavenly waltz-makers! With all their faults, they know how to make the best of their lives, these good Vaterlanders, and how to dance, and especially how to make music--and also how to fight! So we won't quarrel with them, after all!

Barty found for himself a cheap bedroom, high up in an immense house tenanted by many painters--some of them English and some American. He never forgot the delight with which he awoke next morning and opened his window and saw the silver Rhine among the trees, and the fir-clad hills of Grafenberg, and heard the gay painter fellows singing as they dressed; and he called out to the good-humored slavy in the garden below:

"Johanna, mein Fruehstueck, bitte!"

A phrase he had carefully rehearsed with Daphne the evening before.

And, to his delight and surprise, Johanna understood the mysterious jargon quite easily, and brought him what he wanted with the most good-humored grin he had ever seen on a female face.

Coffee and a roll and a pat of butter.

First of all, he went to see Dr. Hasenclever at Riffrath, which was about half an hour by train, and then half an hour's walk--an immensely prosperous village, which owed its prosperity to the famous doctor, who attracted patients from all parts of the globe, even from America. The train that took Barty thither was full of them; for some chose to live in Duesseldorf.

The great man saw his patients on the ground-floor of the Koenig's Hotel, the principal hotel in Riffrath, the hall of which was always crowded with these afflicted ones--patiently waiting each his turn, or hers; and there Barty took his place at four in the afternoon; he had sent in his name at 10 A.M., and been told that he would be seen after four o'clock. Then he walked about the village, which was charming, with its gabled white houses, ornamented like the cottages in the Richter albums by black beams--and full of English, many of them with green shades or blue spectacles or a black patch over one eye; some of them being led, or picking their way by means of a stick, alas!

Barty met the three Royces, walking with an old gentleman of aristocratic appearance, and a very nice-looking young one (who was Captain Graham-Reece). The Admiral gave him a friendly nod--Lady Jane a nod that almost amounted to a cut direct. But the divine Julia gave him a look and a smile that were warm enough to make up for much maternal frigidity.

Later on, in a tobacconist's shop, he again met the Admiral, who introduced him to the aristocratic old gentleman, Mr. Beresford Duff, secretary to the Admiralty--who evidently knew all about him, and inquired quite affectionately after Lady Caroline, and invited him to come and drink tea at five o'clock: a new form of hospitality of his own invention--it has caught on!

Barty lunched at the Koenig's Hotel table d'hote, which was crowded, principally with English people, none of whom he had ever met or heard of. But from these he heard a good deal of the Royces and Captain Graham-Reece and Mr. Beresford Duff, and other smart people who lived in furnished houses or expensive apartments away from the rest of the world, and were objects of general interest and curiosity among the smaller British fry.

Riffrath was a microcosm of English society, from the lower middle class upwards, with all its respectabilities and incompatibilities and disabilities--its narrownesses and meannesses and snobbishnesses, its gossipings and backbitings and toadyings and snubbings--delicate little social things of England that foreigners don't understand!

The sensation of the hour was the advent of Julia, the divine Julia! Gossip was already rife about her and Captain Reece. They had taken a long walk in the woods together the day before--with Lady Jane and the Admiral far behind, out of ear-shot, almost out of sight.

In the afternoon, between four and five, Barty had his interview with the doctor--a splendid, white-haired old man, of benign and intelligent aspect, almost mesmeric, with his assistant sitting by him.

He used no new-fangled ophthalmoscope, but asked many questions in fairly good French, and felt with his fingers, and had many German asides with the assistant. He told Barty that he had lost the sight of his left eye forever; but that with care he would keep that of the right one for the rest of his life--barring accidents, of course. That he must never eat cheese nor drink beer. That he (the doctor) would like to see him once a week or fortnight or so for a few months yet--and gave him a prescription for an eye-lotion and dismissed him happy.

Half a loaf is so much better than no bread, if you can only count upon it!

Barty went straight to Mr. Beresford Duff's, and there found a very agreeable party, including the divine Julia, who was singing little songs very prettily and accompanying herself on a guitar.

"'You ask me why I look so pale?'" sang Julia, just as Barty entered: and red as a rose was she.

Lady Jane didn't seem at all overjoyed to see Barty, but Julia did, and did not disguise the seeming.

There were eight or ten people there, and they all appeared to know about him, and all that concerned or belonged to him. It was the old London world over again, in little! the same tittle-tattle about well-known people, and nothing else--as if nothing else existed; a genial, easy-going, good-natured world, that he had so often found charming for a time, but in which he was never quite happy and had no proper place of his own, all through that fatal bar-sinister--la barre de batardise; a world that was his and yet not his, and in whose midst his position was a false one, but where every one took him for granted at once as one of _them_, so long as he never trespassed beyond that sufferance; that there must be no love-making to lovely young heiresses by the bastard of Antoinette Josselin was taken for granted also!

Before Barty had been there half an hour two or three people had evidently lost their hearts to him in friendship; among them, to Lady Jane's great discomfiture, the handsome and amiable Graham-Reece, the cynosure of all female eyes in Riffrath; and when Barty (after very little pressing by Miss Royce) twanged her guitar and sang little songs--French and English, funny and sentimental--he became, as he had so often become in other scenes, the Rigoletto of the company; and Riffrath was a kingdom in which he might be court jester in ordinary if he chose, whenever he elected to honor it with his gracious and facetious musical presence.

So much for his debut in that strange little overgrown busy village! What must it be like now?

Dr. Hasenclever has been gathered to his fathers long ago, and nobody that I know of has taken his place. All those new hotels and lodging-houses and smart shops--what can they have been turned into? Barracks? prisons? military hospitals and sanatoriums? How dull!

Lady Caroline and Daphne and Barty between them added considerably to the gayety of Duesseldorf that summer--especially when Royces and Reeces and Duffs and such like people came there from Riffrath to lunch, or tea, or dinner, or for walks or drives or rides to Grafenberg or Neanderthal, or steamboatings to Neuss.

There were one or two other English families in Duesseldorf, living there for economy's sake, but yet of the world--of the kind that got to be friends with the Rohans; half-pay old soldiers and sailors and their families, who introduced agreeable and handsome Uhlans and hussars--from their Serene Highnesses the Princes Fritz and Hans von Eselbraten--Himmelsblutwuerst--Silberschinken, each passing rich on L200 a year, down to poor Lieutenants von this or von that, with nothing but their pay and their thirty-two quarterings.

Also a few counts and barons, and princes not serene, but with fine German fortunes looming for them in the future, though none amounting to L1000 a day, like little Lord Orrisroot's!

Soon there was hardly a military heart left whole in the town; Julia had eaten them all up, except one or two that had been unconsciously nibbled by little Daphne.

Barty did not join in these aristocratic revels; he had become a pupil of Herr Duffenthaler, and worked hard in his master's studio with two brothers of the brush--one English, the other American; delightful men who remained his friends for life.

Indeed, he lived among the painters, who all got to love "der schoene Barty Josselin" like a brother.

Now and then, of an evening, being much pressed by his aunt, he would show himself at a small party in Schadow Strasse, and sing and be funny, and attentive to the ladies, and render himself discreetly useful and agreeable all round--and make that party go off. Lady Caroline would have been far happier had he lived with them altogether. But she felt herself responsible for her innocent and wealthy little niece.

It was an article of faith with Lady Caroline that no normal and properly constituted young woman could see much of Barty without falling over head and ears in love with him--and this would never do for Daphne. Besides, they were first-cousins. So she acquiesced in the independence of his life apart from them. She was not responsible for the divine Julia, who might fall in love with him just as she pleased, and welcome! That was Lady Jane's lookout, and Captain Graham-Reece's.