Chapter XVII

Viscount Berwick was a nervous, selfish, odd man, and afraid to drive his own horses. Lord William Somerset was an excellent whip; but he had no horses to whip. Lord Berwick, like Lord Barrymore, wanted a tiger; while Somerset required a man whose curricle he could drive and whose money he could borrow. The bargain was struck; and Tiger-Somerset had driven Lord Berwick some years, when his lordship, after having, for more than a fortnight, been looking at my sister Sophia at her window, one day addressed the tiger as follows.

"I have at last found a woman I should like to marry, Somerset, and you know I have been more than twenty years upon the look-out."

"Who is she?" said Somerset, in some alarm.

Berwick told him all he knew and all he had seen of Sophia.

"I think I know whom you mean," said Tiger, "since you mention the house; because it belongs to Miss Storer, Lord Carysfort's niece, who has, I know, a fine young girl staying with her, whom Lord Deerhurst seduced."

"Seduced already! you do not say so?"

"Most true, my lord," said Tiger-Somerset; "besides, I've often seen her, when Deerhurst used to take her out last year. She has no eyebrows, and----"

"I don't care for that, I love the girl, and will have her," was his lordship's knock-down argument; and Lord William Somerset, having obtained permission from Julia, presented Lord Berwick to Sophia on the following morning,

Sophia would not hear of such a very nasty, poking, old, dry man, on his first visit; but the second day she was induced to drive out in his barouche. On the third she declared his lordship's equipage the easiest she ever rode in; but then, he wore such a large hat! In short, she could not endure him even to shake hands with her. I never knew Sophia evince so much decided character since she was born, as in her dislike of Lord Berwick; though she condescended to enter his barouche and dine with him, accompanied by Julia or myself, yet no persuasion of Lord Berwick, no prayers that his lordship had wit to make, could prevail on her to trust herself for an instant in his society. Things went on this way for several weeks, Berwick made very pleasant parties to Richmond, and did everything with princely magnificence. Worcester's good uncle, Lord Berwick's tiger, wanted Worcester to join their parties, and Worcester would not go anywhere without me.

My time being so gaily taken up, I had to reproach myself with neglect towards my sister Fanny. "Give me my writing-desk," said I to my maid, Thérèse, at past four in the morning, "for I have made a vow not to sleep till I have fully answered Fanny's last two letters," which I did as follows;

"MY DEAREST SISTER,--It is past four o'clock in the morning,
and yet my conscience still keeps me awake till I have answered
your two letters. Believe me, my neglect does not in the least
proceed from want of affection. One is sometimes teased into going
out, till one acquires a sort of habit of society, which it becomes
difficult to throw off. Sophia's new lover, Lord Berwick, did not
let me enjoy a single day in quiet; and not at all out of regard or
respect for my superior merit; but merely because Sophia refuses to
stir without me.

"The Duke of Leinster's departure for Spain is at last
absolutely fixed for next Monday. Lord Worcester heard this at
White's club-house, and was so overjoyed that everybody in the room
laughed at him. For my part I can scarcely understand why I feel so
melancholy at the thought of losing a young man whom I really never
cared about; but I am always thus, at parting with anybody to whose
face I have become accustomed. Not only am I sorry to lose the Duke
of Leinster, but I feel angry and disgusted with Worcester, for
desiring his departure.

"We were all at the play last night: that is to say Julia,
Sophia, Lord W. Somerset, Lord Berwick and Lord Worcester, with
your humble servant, in two private boxes adjoining each other.
Lord Berwick teases Julia and me from morning till night. He
wants us to persuade Sophia to receive a settlement from him of
five hundred a year, and to place herself under his protection.
We do not like to advise at all on such subjects; and whenever he
ventures to touch on them to Sophia herself, she begins to sob
and cry as if she were threatened with sudden death! I asked her
last night why she accepted so many magnificent presents from his
lordship, and suffered him to put himself to such immense expense,
if she disliked him so violently.

"'Oh, I never said I disliked his carriages, or his jewels, or
his nice dinners,' answered Sophia.

"Lord Worcester is quite as indefatigable as Lord Berwick,
in his endeavours to persuade me to accompany him to Brighton,
his lordship having just entered the Tenth Hussars. Lord Berwick
proposes taking a fine house at Brighton for Sophia and Julia, and
sending down his plate, man-cook, &c., but Sophia says he may hire
his fine house if he likes, but for her part she will live with
Julia in a smaller one, though at the same time, she shall have no
sort of objection to become one at his dinner-parties, if Worcester
and myself are present. Thus Sophia has set Lord Berwick to work to
plead Worcester's cause for him. I got into a passion one day last
week, and declared I would not be teased out of my liberty, which
I valued more than my life.

"In the evening, Lord Worcester found me seriously ill, with
an oppression on my chest, to which I am become rather subject. I
could not have imagined that any young man in any class of life
could have made such a good nurse! He ran up and down from the
kitchen to the drawing-room twenty times, and poured out my water
gruel and my tea, as though this had been his natural vocation.
Seriously, I was very grateful. Nothing attaches a woman, in my
weak, nervous state of health, like these kind of attentions; and
I must do justice to the excellent taste of Worcester in never
intruding his passion on me.

"'Let Harriette please herself, or rather, Harriette must do
as God pleases about loving me, but my affection for her cannot
change. I live in her happiness, whoever may contribute to it. I
may be miserable; but I shall never cease to love her;' and then he
winds up his letters thus: 'may my God forsake me, if ever I love
another woman! and may I be eternally wretched, if ever, in word or
deed, I am unfaithful to you, to the latest hour of my life!'

"I, who am, as you know, anything but cold-hearted, of course
feel touched by Lord Worcester's apparent devotion to me; but I am
not a bit touched with love. The tenderness of a sister is all I
feel. Good heavens! what can he expect from one who has loved as I
have loved, and gone through what I have gone through!

"I don't think I shall go to Brighton or to Worcester. I am
tired of flattery: it makes me sick; for I know that I am nothing
particular, or Ponsonby would have died rather than have left me
to such despair as he did. I am now beginning to dislike society
and, when I cannot enjoy that of very clever, intelligent people, I
would rather read Shakespeare's plays, _Gil Blas_ or _The Vicar of
Wakefield._

"Poor Leinster! that man is only about three degrees and a
half above a good-tempered Newfoundland dog, and yet I am sorry he
is leaving me, perhaps for ever.

"I often think what I might have been, and then I wonder much
that I am what I am! I love home, I am somewhat domestic, I love,
dearly love my parents, and wish to improve the little talents God
has given me. I am very affectionate, and naturally honourable;
because I abhor a lie! and yet behold me!--Harriette Wilson.

"If you were to die, who would stand my friend when the
world tramples on me? I put this question to Worcester the other
day, after I had been frightening myself about your health; and
Worcester shed a great many tears, as though the idea of my ever
being left friendless affected him deeply. Yet, no doubt, the
time will come, and you and I, if we live, shall witness it, when
Worcester, having forgotten my very existence, will, while the
lady of his heart or his wife is hanging on his arm, pass me by as
a perfect stranger! This too, I said to Worcester, and, unasked,
almost unattended to by me, he solemnly pledged himself to have no
wife on earth or in heaven but myself, and wrote down the oath.

"Enough of the sublime and the pathetic, and now a word or two
about yourself; but, let me remind you first, that it is at your
own particular request I have been such an egotist.

"I am glad to hear that Parker looks forward with so much
delight to the idea of becoming a father. It is a strong proof of a
good heart, generally speaking. With regard to the repugnance you
say you feel, in availing yourself of the invitations from ladies,
who believe you to be Parker's wife, I certainly in your place
would never seek them; neither are you bound to say anything of
yourself which can prejudice society against you. You tell me that
some of the ladies in your neighbourhood will take no excuses. Well
then visit them, whenever you are in the humour, and if they have
good taste they will be delighted with your society.

"I cannot express to you how glad I was to learn, from your
last letter, that you are more comfortable and happy than you have
ever been in your life before. Did you get a letter from our dear
mother yesterday? Napier is at Melton Mowbray. To-morrow we all
dine with Lord Berwick again, at his house in Grosvenor Square.

"I meet Worcester at everybody's house but my own, where, out
of respect for Leinster, I seldom admit him; since, by the powers
and upon his honour, it bothers him to death.

"Amy has, at this present writing, a great deal of work on
her hands, owing to our general change or projected change of
administration. Worcester, Berwick, Parker and Napier; all to win
and seduce away at once!

"Parker she has already made an attempt on: this you with all
your good-natured charity have confessed: and the other night at
the play, we observed her sitting in a private box on the opposite
side of the house with Baron Tuille. Her glass was pointedly
turned towards Worcester all the evening. After the play, while we
were waiting for our carriage, Amy, with an affection of childish
wildness, made loud remarks on the elegance of Worcester's person,
as we passed her. Our party stood on the opposite side of the room
from that where the Baron and Amy were waiting. Worcester however
was obliged to pass close to them, to inquire for Lord Berwick's
servants, and Tuille at the express desire of Amy probably, tapped
him on the arm as he was hurrying along, and requested to have the
pleasure of introducing Mrs. Sydenham to him. Worcester in much
confusion bowed low, very low; but passed on immediately afterwards
without uttering a single syllable.

"What a bore for Amy! and yet it serves her right!

"'I could not possibly avoid being presented to your sister,'
said Lord Worcester on his return; and he spoke with such agitation
and confusion that it was impossible to help laughing at him.

"'You were not very attentive to her, as I think I could
observe,' Julia remarked.

"'I would not have spoken a single word to her for the
world, and I only wish, as a gentleman, it had been possible to
have avoided bowing. Mrs. Sydenham has, by her perseverance, made
herself so very odious to me,' was Worcester's reply.

"Lord Berwick laughed heartily at his extreme delicacy; so
did Lord William; but Worcester is steady as a rock to me and my
interests. Not even ridicule, that sharpest weapon which malice can
turn against the feelings and prejudices of youth, ever changes him
one jot, even when it wounds him most severely.

"'Any unimpassioned, unprejudiced observer of Harriette's
mind and character,' says Worcester, 'must agree with me, that
it is much undervalued by that part of the world to whom her
eccentricities and careless observance of many established forms
only are known; but Harriette's goodness and singleness of heart
approximate her nearer to my idea of perfection, than any human
being I have yet met with, and her face and person, to me, convey
all I can imagine most desirable.'

"I repeat this to you, my dear Fanny, merely to show the
force and power of ardent passion in youth. _Dieu! comme cela nous
embellit!_

"O, _la belle passion! que l'amour!_ not that I have known
much good resulting from it. I might almost say, with Candide,
'_Helas! je l'ai connu, cet amour, ce souverain des coeurs! cette
âme de notre âme! cependant, il ne m'a jamais valu qu'un baiser, et
vingt coups de pied! puisse il vous être plus propice!_'

"You shall hear what becomes of me next Tuesday, after
Leinster will have left London. In the meantime, I need not say how
truly I am yours, &c.

"HARRIETTE."

Fanny's answer:--

"MY DEAR HARRIETTE,--It is very lucky you wrote when you
did, because I was getting in such a very great passion! Lord
Worcester, from what you tell me, and from all I have seen, is,
without any exception, the most interesting young man I ever knew;
and I am surprised you do not think him handsome. Do remember me
to him very tenderly: as to your stupid Duke of Leinster he never
deserved you.

"I am just returned from the Isle of Wight. The weather was
rather rough, and, at best, I cannot say I like sailing half as
well as riding; nevertheless, we have been very merry; Parker is so
kind and affectionate, and the officers of his regiment are so very
attentive and polite to me.

"Whom do you think I met at Cowes? No less a personage than
your friend and kind creditor Mr. Smith of Oxford-street. I
recognised him by his voice, as he was addressing a little fat
friend of his. We were sitting on a bench near enough to hear every
word they said.

"'Mr. Smith,' said the little fat man, holding out his hand,
'mercy on me! Smith! Is it really you? What, in the name of wonder
can have brought you to Cowes?'

"'Vy, lord,' answered Smith, 'vat but the vinds and the vaves
could bring me here, hey? I've been down to Margate since I seed
you. Bless your life, I'm on a tower.'

"'What might that be pray?'

"'Vy, a tower, man. Don't you know vat a tower is?'

"'Not I, indeed!'

"'Vy, you stupid! a tower is a kind of a circular journey,
gallivanting from this here place to that are place, for a month or
two merely, to pleasure it like.'

"'And pray what might you call pleasure, Mr. Smith?'

"'Pleasure?' answered Smith, 'vy I calls pleasure gitting
up at six in a morning, and taking a dip into the sea, and then
a hearty good breakfast of hot rolls and butter, and coffee and
eggs.'

"'And what then?' said the little fat man.

"'Vat then? you ere a bachelor too, and ask vat then? And all
these ere beautiful nice, plump, dear lasses about? Bless their
dear souls! I'm going to take one on 'em to the play to night.'

"'Oh! you rogue and a half,' said the little fat man, giving
Smith a punch on the breast.

"Apropos! talking of vulgarity, I have had a proposal of
marriage since I saw you, from Mr. Blore the stone-mason, who keeps
a shop in Piccadilly. Parker says it is all my fault, for being so
very humble and civil to everybody; but, you must recollect, this
man was our near neighbour when we were all children together, and
I cannot think I had any right to refuse answering his first civil
inquiry after my health, by which he no doubt thought as a man of
good property and better expectations, he did me honour. Since
then, he has often joined me in my little rural walks early in the
morning. When first his conversation began to wax tender I scarcely
believed my ears. However, those soft speeches were speedily
succeeded by a proposal of marriage! You know my foolish way of
laughing at everything of this kind, which was what encouraged him
to argue the point, after I had begged to decline his polite offer.
'Look ye here, my dear lady,' said he, 'these here officers cut a
splash! And it's all very fine being called Mrs. Parker, and the
like a that; but then it's nothing compared to a rale husband. Now,
I means onorable, remember that.' I was interrupting him. 'Come, I
don't ax you, my dear, to make up your mind this morning. Marriage
is a serious kind of a thing, and I wants no woman for to marry
me till she has determined to make an industrious, good wife. Not
as I should have any objection to your taking a bit of pleasure
of a Sunday, and wearing the best of everything; but, at the same
time, we must stick to the main chance for a few years longer, if
ever we wishes for to keep our willa, and be raley genteel and
respectable. Not but what I've got now as good a shay an oss as any
man need to wish for, and an ouse over my head, full of handsome
furniture, and plenty of statters (statues), still I looks forwards
to better things.'

"Though it is morally and physically impossible for a woman,
be she what or whom she may, to attach herself to anything so
low and vulgar as this poor Mr. Blore, after she has acquired
the taste, by the habit of good society, still I certainly have
a right to feel obliged to any honest man who yet considers me
worthy to become his partner for life; and I could not have said
anything cross or harsh to him for the world. You have no idea what
difficulty I found in making him believe that I would not marry him.

"'There my dear,' said he, after I had assured him, over and
over again, that I must really decline his offer. 'There my dear!
I will leave you now. I don't want you to decide all at once; but,
remember, you must not let what I a been a-saying about our minding
the main chance, frighten you; because you'll find me a very
reasonable, good-natured fellow: and, as for going to the play,
if you are fond of that, I can get orders for the pit, whenever I
like.'

"I presume you have now had quite enough of my intended, and I
know you will want to hear something of my health, about which you
so kindly interest yourself. I was alarmed about ten days ago by
the rupture of a small blood-vessel, which caused an expectoration
of blood for two days. Being unwilling you or my dear mother should
be at all alarmed about me, I would not mention this, till all
these bad symptoms were removed completely, which is now the case.
My physician tells me such small vessels are of little consequence,
and, by avoiding over-fatigue and taking care of myself, he has no
doubt I shall get perfectly well. Indeed there is now nothing at
all the matter with me, unless I attempt to walk fast; and then I
feel a something like stagnation and fulness about my heart, and
my lips turn blueish. However, I both eat and sleep well, and I am
told that when patients ask Dr. Baillie to prescribe for them for
any pain or ache, while enjoying these two advantages, the doctor
loses patience and refuses to listen to them: _et tant mieux!_ I
do not want to die, and go we know not whither, and lose sight of
the bright sun for ever. I am not even ambitious of a show-death,
to have my fortitude, or my sweet smile, or my calm courage, or my
last prayers extolled. You know I am not in the least romantic; but
I am attached to life for my dear children's sake, and, in a word,
though it may be cowardly, yet I hope and pray that God will spare
my life many years longer: but, if he has willed it otherwise, I
will try not to murmur at his decree: and I tell you frankly that
my sins do not sit at all heavy on my conscience; because I never
doubt the goodness of God. This is all very grave; but I am so
seldom grave that you will forgive me.

"I shall write to you, my dear sister, again very soon; but I
will conclude now; because I am a little too serious: so believe me
ever,

"Most truly and affectionately yours,
"FANNY PARKER."

When Lord Worcester had ascertained that Leinster was really safe on his journey to the continent, half wild with joy he went and consulted Julia as to what she really believed was his chance of inducing me to go to Brighton. I had obtained his promise not to call on me, nor write to me, for at least three days after Leinster's departure.

"We shall only quarrel," said I to his lordship, "if you come to me rejoicing, as I knew you will, at a circumstance which no doubt will affect me _pour le moment._"

I passed a melancholy evening after Leinster had taken leave of me. He was to sail from Portsmouth. Should he be detained by foul winds, even for a single hour, he promised to write to me. The first day I refused to admit any visitor, and on the second after his departure I received a letter from him, to acquaint me that the unfavourable state of the weather might possibly detain him a week or more at Portsmouth. My resolution was taken in an instant: which wise resolution may be learned from the following letter addressed to my sister.

"MY DEAREST FANNY,--Leinster is at Portsmouth, waiting for
a fair wind to convey him to Spain. I am too melancholy to keep
my promise of receiving Worcester's visits; and, besides, being
desirous of shaking hands once more with the poor duke, you will
believe me really and in truth very anxious to hear and see how
you are, after the accident you have so long concealed from us.
Therefore expect me almost as soon as my letter; and do pray be
glad to see me.

"I propose leaving London at eight o'clock to-morrow morning,
till then believe me,

"Most truly yours,
"HARRIETTE."

After despatching this, and a letter full of excuses to Lord Worcester, I began to assist my maid Thérèse to prepare for my journey to Portsmouth on the following morning. We arrived in time for dinner. Fanny was looking better than usual. Colonel Parker was absent, and she was kind enough to invite the Duke of Leinster to dine with us. His Grace was very glad to see me, in his dry way; but it was impossible to avoid making such comparisons between my two young lovers as were most favourable to Worcester.

The marquis wrote me immensely long letters every day; and though I expected Sunday would have been a day of rest, I was presented with a large packet which Worcester had sent by the stage coach. He trembled lest I should be induced to accompany Leinster to Spain, and described the anguish and misery he had experienced, in learning from my servant that I had left London: for it was only on his return from my house, that he had received my letter acquainting him with my departure.

Fanny lived in a delightful cottage, surrounded with a large garden. There were two very pleasant women staying with her on a visit; it made me truly happy to see her so comfortable and in such good spirits.

Fanny did not like Leinster, and I felt rather cooled and disgusted, when she forced on my attention his extreme selfishness in leaving England without inquiring at all about the state of my finances. Then, poor Worcester was, or seemed to be, so very unhappy about me; and I saw no chance of these boobies, Leinster, his brother, and FitzGibbon, sailing, as the wind had not shifted the least in the world during the ten days I passed at Portsmouth.

Leinster, much as he professed to esteem, respect and love me, went out in a sailing-boat every morning, instead of walking about with me. My pride took the alarm and, one fine morning, having previously arranged everything for my return to town, and taken leave of my sister, I coolly wished him _un bon voyage_ and, to his utter astonishment, jumped into the carriage which was to convey me to London.

I found a great many cards and letters on my table in town: a very kind one from Lord Robert Manners, another from Lord Frederick Bentinck, and, what was better still, another blank cover, directed to me, containing two bank-notes for one hundred pounds each!

Julia called on me the morning after my arrival.

"Do go to Brighton," said she. "You will never find anybody to like you as I am sure Lord Worcester does. I really would not advise you, but that I think he deserves you."

"I will consider about it," said I, "in the meantime pray tell me some news. How does Lord Berwick go on?"

Julia told me that he was quite as much in love with Sophia as ever.

"And Sophia?"

"Oh, Sophia hates his lordship, if possible, more than ever, and declares she will not go to Brighton unless you decide to accompany Worcester there."

We were now interrupted by a visit from Lord Worcester. I will not attempt to describe his rapture, or how violently he was agitated at meeting with me. My readers, besides accusing me of vanity, would not believe such exaggerated feeling as he evinced, to be in human nature. In short, since there is nothing so uninteresting as descriptions of love-scenes, be it known that I was pressed by Julia, entreated by Worcester, and inclined by gratitude, being moreover in a state of health which required nursing; therefore, without being in love, I agreed to place myself under his protection. It was a grievous sin, and every one of this kind counts no doubt; and, indeed, I almost fear the recording angel, as he mounted up to heaven with mine, so far from dropping a tear on it to blot it out for ever, doubled this one, and so cried quits with my uncle Toby.

There certainly was much aggravation of sin in my projected intercourse with the Marquis of Worcester. Many women, very hard pressed _par la belle nature_, intrigue, because they see no prospect, nor hopes, of getting husbands; but I, who might, as everybody told me and were incessantly reminding me, have, at this period, smuggled myself into the Beaufort family, by merely declaring to Lord Worcester, with my finger pointed towards the North--"that way leads to Harriette Wilson's room"; yet so perverse was my conscience, so hardened by what Fred Bentinck calls my perseverance in loose morality, that I scorned the idea of taking such an advantage of the passion I had inspired in, what I believed to be, a generous breast, as might hereafter cause unhappiness to himself, while it would embitter the peace of his parents.