Chapter I: I-- I'm sorry to find you in this set (1)

FARNCOMBE.

[_Stiffly._] What do you mean?

STIDULPH.

Don't be angry with me. I'm an old man-- and an old fool; but it's from the fools that the useful lessons are to be learned.

FARNCOMBE.

[_Withdrawing his arm from STIDULPH._] I really don't understand you.

STIDULPH.

Try to. Not now-- another time; when this music isn't exciting you, nor these pretty women. Think it out by yourself! You're at the beginning of your career, my boy. Remember me-- the old fool who's brought _his_ to a miserable end-- and that I cautioned you-- cautioned you--!

[_LUIGI hurries in at the door on the left, followed by a waiter
carrying a tray, and by the waiter with the beard._

LUIGI.

[_Laughing._] He, he, he, he! [_Behind the counter, preparing drinks._] Look out, gentlemen; you are losing it all. They are having a romp-- a fine lark. [_FARNCOMBE goes out at the door on the left._] Make haste, Colonel; make haste! [_STIDULPH goes out, slowly, at the right-hand door at the back._] Whiskey-and-soda for Mr. Tavish; liqueur of brandy-- Mr. Grimwood. [_The waiter carrying the tray goes out with the drinks at the door on the left._] Ha, ha, ha! [_Singing to the music._] Tra, lal, la! Tra, lal, la----!

[_LUIGI is following the waiter who has carried out the tray when the
bearded waiter, coming to the nearer settee in the centre, calls to
him._

THE BEARDED WAITER.

[_Sitting upon the settee, gruffly._] Luigi.

LUIGI.

[_Halting._] Eh?

THE BEARDED WAITER.

[_Taking out a handful of money and selecting some gold from it._] Here! [_Putting the gold into LUIGI'S palm._] For your chaps.

LUIGI.

Oh, you are spoiling them.

THE BEARDED WAITER.

[_Giving some more gold pieces to LUIGI._] For you.

LUIGI.

[_Bowing low._] Thank you very much. [_With a polite grin, as he disposes of the coins in different pockets._] Hope you have enjoyed yourself, Captain.

THE BEARDED WAITER.

[_Speaking in the voice of JEYES._] Thoroughly. [_Quietly, between his teeth._] Warm work, though! [_Rising slowly, like a man with stiff joints._] I'll be off now, with your permission.

LUIGI.

See you at lunch, Captain?

JEYES.

Probably. [_Nodding._] Good-night. Good morning. [_He slouches away to the door on the left and there stops, listening. There is the sound of people approaching, singing uproariously and shouting and laughing._] Hullo!

LUIGI.

[_At his elbow._] Ho, ho, ho, ho!

[_LUIGI goes out into the corridor and JEYES retreats behind the
counter. The noise increases and presently FULKERSON rushes in,
flourishing his arms madly. He is followed by GLYNN and SHIRLEY who
are carrying LILY upon their interlocked hands, and by PALK who is
helping to support her. Then come HENEAGE and NITA, GRIMWOOD and
DAPHNE, TAVISH and FLO, VON RETTENMAYER and ENID, DE CASTRO and
GABRIELLE, ROPER and MRS. STIDULPH, FARNCOMBE and JIMMIE, BLAND and
EVANGELINE, COOLING and SYBIL, and SMYTHE and OLGA. Singing the chorus
of the "Mind the Paint" song, and dancing to it wildly, they circle
the saloon twice, go out at the right-hand door at the back, return at
the door on the left, and finally disappear through the double-door
and along the landing. The waiters, who have brought up the rear of
the procession, gather, with LUIGI, in the left-hand corner, clapping
their hands, and STIDULPH returns, entering at the right-hand door at
the back._

LILY.

[_Waving her bouquet and shrieking with laughter._] Ha, ha, ha, ha! Don't drop me! Don't drop me!

HENEAGE AND GRIMWOOD.

[_Yelling._] Whoop! Whoop!

FULKERSON.

[_Deliriously, endeavouring to stand upon his head._] Wh-o-o-op!

JIMMIE.

[_Breaking from the rank and jumping on to the further settee-- singing._] "Mind the paint! Mind the paint! A girl is not a sinner just because she's not a saint!----"

LILY.

Ha, ha, ha! You'll drop me! Oh----!

[_As the procession passes out of sight, followed by LUIGI and the
waiters, JEYES departs at the door on the left and STIDULPH once more
goes to the counter and lights a cigarette._

END OF THE SECOND ACT.

THE THIRD ACT

_The scene is LILY'S boudoir-- a room upon the second floor of her house, adjoining her bedroom. The decorations, though delicate, are gay, with a good deal of pink in them._

_In the wall facing the spectator are two doors, one on the left, the other in the centre. The left-hand door opens into the room from the landing, where the staircase is shown; the centre door admits to the bedroom. In the right-hand wall there are two sash-windows giving a view of the tops of trees growing in a square; in the opposite wall, the grate hidden by a low, painted screen, is the fireplace._

_A prettily designed "fitment" runs along the left-hand wall and the further wall, taking in the fireplace and doors as part of its scheme. On either side of the fireplace there is a cupboard with drawers beneath it; between the door on the left and the door in the centre is a similar cupboard; and on the right of the centre door, extending to the right-hand wall, there is a wardrobe with sliding doors. The cupboard doors are glazed and curtained in pink silk._

_In the middle of the room, a little to the right, there is a large and comfortable settee, and on the left of the settee is a table littered with books, magazines, a scent-atomizer, a small silver-framed mirror, a case of manicure instruments, a box of cigarettes and a match-stand, and other odds and ends. Behind the table there is a fauteuil-stool, and on the right of the table a cosy arm-chair. A second arm-chair stands apart, between the table in the centre and the fireplace._

_On the extreme left of the room, on the nearer side of the fireplace, there is a box-ottoman; on the other side of the room, by the nearer window, are a small writing-table and chair; standing across the right-hand corner, the key-board towards the further window, are a cottage-piano and a music-stool; and at the back of the piano there is another small chair, with some soiled gloves upon it._

_A quantity of music is heaped untidily on the top of the piano; one of the wardrobe doors is open, revealing some dresses hanging within; and the edge of a lace petticoat, with its insertion of coloured ribbon, peeps out from under the carelessly-closed lid of the box-ottoman. Two milliner's hat-boxes are on the floor by the ottoman, and a pair of satin slippers are lying, one here, one there, under the centre table._

_The window-blinds are down but the daylight is seen through them._

[_The door on the left opens and LILY, still carrying her bouquet,
enters and makes straight for the windows and draws up the blinds,
letting in the clear, morning light. She is followed by ENID,
GABRIELLE, DAPHNE, and JIMMIE and they by FARNCOMBE, VON RETTENMAYER,
DE CASTRO, ROPER, FULKERSON, and BLAND. They are all pale and haggard,
and slightly dishevelled, but everybody seems broad awake except
DAPHNE, who is borne down by sleepiness. Some of the men are smoking._

LILY.

[_Laying her bouquet upon the table in the centre as she crosses to the windows-- to the women._] Come in, dears; [_drawing up the blind of the nearer window_] come in, boys. Take off your things for a minute.

FULKERSON.

[_Whose inebriety has reached the argumentative stage._] Working classhes! Don' talk t' me 'bout th' working classhes!

JIMMIE.

H'sh! Shut up, Bertie.

FULKERSON.

I'm s'h'ick o' th' ve'y mention o' th' name-- working classhes!

JIMMIE.

Sit on his head, somebody. We shall wake Ma and the servants.

LILY.

[_Taking off her wrap and hanging it up in the wardrobe._] Don't worry; you won't wake _my_ servants. And mother's bound to hear us; she sleeps so lightly when I'm out.

DAPHNE.

[_Gaping violently._] Oh-h-h-h!

JIMMIE.

[_Clapping her hand over DAPHNE'S mouth._] Manners!

FULKERSON.

[_Depositing his overcoat and hat upon the fauteuil-stool._] One 'ud 'magine th' working-man'sh th' on'y pershon who ever does day'sh work! Ridiculush!

VON RETTENMAYER AND BLAND.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

DE CASTRO.

Thome truth in what Bertie'th thayin', though. For inthtanthe----

FULKERSON.

[_With great disgust._] Br'ish working-man!

ROPER.

By Jove, yes! When I think o' the work Mr. Lionel Hesketh Roper manages to dispose of in the course of a day----!

[_VON RETTENMAYER and DE CASTRO have placed their overcoats and hats
upon the chair at the back of the piano and FARNCOMBE, BLAND, and
ROPER have piled theirs on the arm-chair on the left. ENID and
GABRIELLE throw their wraps upon the settee, DAPHNE drops hers upon
the box-ottoman, and JIMMIE puts hers over the arm of the chair by the
centre table._

LILY.

[_To everybody._] I'll just run upstairs and tell mother that all's serene. [_She goes to the door on the left; FARNCOMBE, BLAND, and ROPER get in each other's way in their desire to open it for her._] If any of you want a drink, you must hunt for it yourselves in the dining-room. [_To ROPER._] You play host, Uncle Lal.

[_She disappears, turning to the left and ascending the stairs._

ROPER.

[_Briskly._] Now, then, give your orders, gents! [_Coming forward._] Ladies, don't all speak at once.

FULKERSON.

[_Making for the door._] I'll have sma' whiskeyan' soda.

[_He goes along the landing and down the stairs._

BLAND.

[_Following him._] No, no! Bertie! Bertie----!

JIMMIE.

[_Seated in the arm-chair by the centre table-- to ROPER._] Stop it. We'll have trouble enough to get that boy home as it is.

[_ROPER hurries out after BLAND and FULKERSON. VON RETTENMAYER and DE
CASTRO also move to the door._

VON RETTENMAYER.

[_To ENID, who is sitting with GABRIELLE on the settee._] Enid----?

ENID.

A glass of soda-water.

GABRIELLE.

Same for me, Von.

VON RETTENMAYER.

[_To JIMMIE._] Jimmie----?

JIMMIE.

No, thanks.

VON RETTENMAYER.

[_Looking down upon DAPHNE, who has curled herself up on the box-ottoman and is already asleep-- sentimentally._] Baby-- baby----

DAPHNE.

[_Half sighing, half moaning._] Ah-h-h-h!

JIMMIE.

[_To VON RETTENMAYER._] Don't disturb her. Let her have her snooze in peace.

VON RETTENMAYER.

[_Still contemplating DAPHNE._] Shall I bring you your boddle, you preddy liddle baby?

ENID.

[_Annoyed._] Don't be an idiot, Karl. [_To DE CASTRO, who is talking to FARNCOMBE._] Sam, will _you_ fetch me some soda-water?

VON RETTENMAYER. [_To ENID, bestirring himself._] I beg bardon.

[_He goes out, with DE CASTRO. ENID has taken the mirror from the
table and now looks at herself in it._

ENID.

What a sight! [_To GABRIELLE._] I wonder whether Lil would mind me going into her bedroom?

GABRIELLE.

[_Taking the mirror from ENID._] Of course she wouldn't. [_Viewing herself with dismay._] Oh, I'm yellower than you!

[_She jumps up, throwing the mirror upon the settee, and goes to the
door in the centre. ENID follows her and the two girls open the door
narrowly and withdraw. JIMMIE rises and picks up the mirror._

JIMMIE.

[_With one knee upon the settee, surveying herself._] Ugh, you lovely creature! [_Glancing at FARNCOMBE as she readjusts a comb, and finding that he is gazing at her earnestly._] Turn your face to the wall, please; I'm about to use my puff.

[_Suddenly, with rapid movements, he shuts the door on the left, gives
a quick look at DAPHNE, assures himself that the centre door is
closed, and comes to JIMMIE. She stares at him in astonishment._

FARNCOMBE.

[_Standing at the back of the settee-- in a low voice._] Miss Birch, you're Miss Parradell's friend-- her great friend. Will you be a friend of mine too, and do me a service?

JIMMIE.

[_Startled._] It-- it all depends----

FARNCOMBE.

Beg her to allow me to remain behind, with you, for a few minutes after the others have gone.

JIMMIE.

Remain-- you and I?

FARNCOMBE.

And then, if she will, will you wait in the next room while I speak to her? Miss Birch, I-- I must speak to her.

JIMMIE.

W-w-wouldn't-- to-morrow----?

FARNCOMBE.

It _is_ to-morrow _now_. It's day.

JIMMIE.

[_Dropping her eyes._] She's tired.

FARNCOMBE.

Five minutes-- no longer. [_Entreatingly._] Won't you try to arrange it for me?

JIMMIE.

[_Pursing her lips._] H'm! _I'd_ stay; delighted. [_Demurely._] It doesn't matter how tired _I_ feel.

FARNCOMBE.

[_Contritely._] I'm a brute!

JIMMIE.

But I really think the _arranging_ is your job, Lord Farncombe.

FARNCOMBE.

I know I should make a bungle of it with all these people round me, and attract attention. _You're_ clever.

JIMMIE.

[_Raising her eyes to his, abruptly._] Look here! Do I guess correctly?

FARNCOMBE.

What----?

[_She pulls him towards her and whispers into his ear. He nods. She
whispers again, breathlessly, and then releases him._

JIMMIE.

Eh? Eh?

FARNCOMBE.

[_Drawing back and facing her, firmly._] Yes.

JIMMIE.

[_Walking away, in a flutter._] Oh! Oh! Oh!

FARNCOMBE.

You'll help me? [_She pauses, deliberating._] You'll help me?

JIMMIE.

[_Returning to him, with an air of prudence._] I tell you what I _will_ do. [_Pointing to the writing-table._] Scribble her a note-- a line-- and I'll give it to her. That won't attract attention. I've no objection to do _that_ for you. Hurry up! [_He sits at the writing-table and searches for writing materials._] In the drawer. [_He opens a drawer and takes out a sheet of note-paper. Standing at the other side of the table, she selects a pen and hands it to him._] A "J" suit you?

FARNCOMBE.

[_Taking the pen from her._] What shall I say?

JIMMIE.

Ho, ho! Well, I _never_! [_He writes._] Oh, but it isn't exactly a love-letter, is it? Simply say-- what was the expression you used just now?-- "will you allow me to remain behind for a few minutes with Miss Birch after the others have gone?"

FARNCOMBE.

[_Writing._] Thank you.

JIMMIE.

[_With a little wriggle._] Call me Jimmie if you like.

FARNCOMBE.

Thank you.

JIMMIE.

[_Knitting her brow thoughtfully._] I suppose you ought to give her an inkling, though-- the merest hint-- of the _reason_, oughtn't you?

FARNCOMBE.

[_Looking up._] Ought I?

JIMMIE.

Well, you don't want her to think it's only to chat about the weather----!

FARNCOMBE.

For heaven's sake, don't chaff me! [_writing_] "--after the others have gone?" [_Biting his pen._] How would this do? "I know I am presuming a lot, but I-- I can't leave you-- I can't leave you till I-- till I have asked you-- till I have asked you the most important question a man can put to a woman."

JIMMIE.

Oh, but that's ideal! [_GABRIELLE reappears._] Dash these girls! [_To GABRIELLE, whose complexion is much improved._] Lord Farncombe is writing me out a remedy for freckles. Isn't it sweet of him?

GABRIELLE.

[_Mournfully._] Freckles! If you want to see a martyr to freckles, knock at _my_ door.

[_ENID returns, with lips that are a little too red, as VON
RETTENMAYER and DE CASTRO re-enter at the door on the left. They leave
the door open. VON RETTENMAYER is carrying a syphon of soda-water and
DE CASTRO two tumblers. The men put the syphon and tumblers on the
centre table and VON RETTENMAYER fills the glasses and he and DE
CASTRO hand them to ENID and GABRIELLE._

VON RETTENMAYER.

[_To ENID and GABRIELLE._] I hobe we haf nod kepd you waiding.

DE CASTRO.

Bertie'th been makin' himthelf a reg'lar nuithanthe downthairth.

ENID.

Poor Bertie! Pity he has this little failing.

GABRIELLE.

[_With mild enthusiasm._] Yes, there's not a nicer boy in London than Bertie, bar that.

DE CASTRO.

Flieth to hith head tho!

[_The four continue talking. JIMMIE has gone back to FARNCOMBE, who is
still writing, and is watching him impatiently._

JIMMIE.

[_To FARNCOMBE, under her breath._] Do be quick!

[_Hastily he blots his note and folds it. BLAND, FULKERSON, and ROPER
appear on the landing, issuing from the staircase, and there they are
joined by LILY, who comes down the stairs._

FULKERSON.

[_On the landing, to LILY, indignantly._] Lirry-- Misspa'dell----

JIMMIE.

[_To FARNCOMBE._] Here she is!

ROPER.

[_To FULKERSON._] Now, then; have it out with Lily!

LILY.

What's wrong?

[_FARNCOMBE rises and slips his note into JIMMIE'S hand._

FULKERSON.

[_To LILY._] Mosht unjusht'fiable treatmen' 'n th' part 'f these gen'lemen!

VON RETTENMAYER.

[_Listening, with the others at the centre table, to what is going on upon the landing._] Ha, ha, ha, ha!

JIMMIE.

[_To FARNCOMBE, over her shoulder._] Good luck!

BLAND.

[_To LILY._] The youth is irate with us for cutting off supplies.

[_LILY enters with FULKERSON; ROPER and BLAND following. BLAND strolls
over to the piano, laughing._

FULKERSON.

[_To LILY._] M' argumen' is this. When a gen'leman'sh invited b' th' lady 'f th' house t' partake 'f refreshmen'----

LILY.

[_To FULKERSON._] Be quiet, Bertie, or I'll box your ears. [_Joining the group at the centre table._] Ho, ho! I've had such a wigging for asking you up. Mother says we girls'll look as ugly as sin on the stage to-night.

ENID.

So we shall-- hags.

LILY.

[_Sitting in the arm-chair by the centre table._] I feel as fresh as paint. [_To GABRIELLE._] Give me a sip.

[_DE CASTRO hands GABRIELLE'S glass to LILY._

FULKERSON.

[_Gazing at DAPHNE stupidly and singing to himself._] "Oh, the gals! Oh, the gals! I am awfully fond of the gals!----"

VON RETTENMAYER, ROPER, DE CASTRO, ENID AND GABRIELLE.

[_Chiming in with FULKERSON lightly._] "Be they ebon or blond, Of the gals I am fond;----"! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

BLAND.

H'sh, h'sh! Ma's quite right. [_Seating himself at the piano._] One more turn and then let's clear out.

LILY.

[_Jumping up._] Hurrah! [_To ROPER, as BLAND runs his hands over the key-board._] Shut the door, Uncle Lal.

VON RETTENMAYER.

Aha! One more durn! [_To ENID._] Enid----!

FULKERSON.

[_Singing._] "I am dreadfully fond of the gals!"

ROPER.

[_Closing the door._] Choose your partners, gents! [_Very softly BLAND plays the melody of a languorous song and instantly VON RETTENMAYER and ENID and DE CASTRO and GABRIELLE dance to it-- VON RETTENMAYER and ENID at the back, DE CASTRO and GABRIELLE near the piano._] Jimmie----!

[_JIMMIE passes LILY to go to ROPER. As she does so, she presses
FARNCOMBE'S note into LILY'S palm._

JIMMIE.

[_To LILY, in a whisper._] Rat-tat, says the postman! [_Catching hold of ROPER and swinging him round._] La, ra, ral, la----!

LILY.

[_To FARNCOMBE, who is standing by the writing-table._] Lord Farncombe----?

[_FARNCOMBE goes to her and they dance together._

FULKERSON.

[_To DAPHNE, tapping her on the shoulder._] Missdure, may I have th' grea' pleasure----? [_Shaking her._] Missdure-- Missdure----

DAPHNE.

[_Starting up._] Oh! [_Looking round wildly._] Oh----!

FULKERSON.

[_Dancing with her._] Pray 'xcuse th' absence 'f gloves.

DAPHNE.

[_Faintly._] Oh! Oh, I-- I thought I'd gone to bed!

[_With their hands on each other's shoulders, the couples, swaying
from side to side, half sing, half murmur, the refrain of the song._

If you would only, only love me;
If you would merely, merely say,
Wait but a little, little for me,
I will be yours, be yours some day!

[_The refrain is repeated, the dancers droning to it with a, buzzing
sound, and then BLAND returns to the melody._

LILY.

[_As she dances, recollecting the note she is holding and opening it._] What's this? [_Reading the note, her arm resting upon FARNCOMBE'S shoulder._] "Dear Miss Parradell.... [_glancing at the signature_] Farncombe"! [_To FARNCOMBE._] From you!

FARNCOMBE.

Yes.

LILY.

[_Reading._] "Will you allow me to----?"

[_She reads to the end silently, and then she stops dancing and they
stand for a moment looking confusedly at each other. Then, with an
expressionless face, she slips the note into her dress and they dance
again, singing the refrain as before._

BLAND.

[_At the finish, shutting down the lid of the piano and rising._] Ladies and gentlemen, the festivities connected with Miss Parradell's birthday are over. [_Leaving the piano._] Our lives will now resume their normal, serious course.

VON RETTENMAYER.

[_Regretfully._] Ah-h-h-h!

[_The ladies put on their wraps, the men their overcoats, and there is
a great deal of stir and chatter. DE CASTRO assists GABRIELLE; VON
RETTENMAYER, ENID; FULKERSON, DAPHNE; and FARNCOMBE, JIMMIE. LILY
joins in the talk and bustle with forced animation. JIMMIE and
FARNCOMBE glance at her, and then, inquiringly, at one another._

ROPER.

[_Putting on his overcoat with BLAND'S help._] Well, nobody can say the affair hasn't been a brilliant success; that's one comfort.

GABRIELLE.

Wouldn't be true if they did. [_To DE CASTRO, irritably._] You've got it inside-out.

LILY.

[_To ENID and GABRIELLE, kneeling upon the settee._] Ah, yes, haven't we had a splendid, splendid time!

ENID.

Splendid!

VON RETTENMAYER.

A gharming pardy!

DE CASTRO.

Abtholutely A 1!

VON RETTENMAYER.

[_Singing._] "Venus, seinen Nacken beut Dir Dein Sklave, dienstbereit!"

LILY.

[_Running to ROPER and seizing his hands._] A vote of thanks to Lal for his share in getting it up!

BLAND.

[_Slapping ROPER on the back._] Bravo, Lal!

SOME OF THE OTHERS.

Bravo, Lal!

LILY.

[_Walking about._] And to Carlton! Bravo, Carlton!

SOME OF THE OTHERS.

Bravo, Carlton! Bravo, Smythe!

DE CASTRO.

[_Putting on his overcoat._] Don't forget Morrie Coolin'!

LILY.

No, don't forget Morrie. Dear old Morrie!

SOME OF THE OTHERS.

Bravo, Morrie!

DE CASTRO.

There hathn't been a hitch from thtart to finish, in fact.

LILY.

[_At the nearer side of the table again._] Not a hitch.

FULKERSON.

[_Remembering his grievance._] I beg yo' par'n-- no' a 'itch! [_In difficulties with his overcoat._] When a gen'leman'sh invited b' th' lady 'f th' house t' partake 'f some refreshmen'----

SOME OF THE OTHERS.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

GABRIELLE.

[_Coming to LILY and kissing her._] So long, dear.

[_ENID, DAPHNE, and JIMMIE also come to LILY, who embraces them
demonstratively, and the men follow._

LILY.

[_To the girls._] Ta-ta; ta-ta; ta-ta! I won't come down.

ENID.

No, no; we'll let ourselves out. [_Leaving LILY._] Till to-night!

LILY.

Till to-night! [_Shaking hands with the men._] Ta-ta; ta-ta; ta-ta!

THE MEN.

Ta-ta! Ta-ta! Ta-ta!

VON RETTENMAYER.

[_Kissing her hand slyly._] Goddess!

LILY.

[_To BLAND, in a whisper._] Take care of Bertie. [_Everybody moves to the door, except LILY who remains standing in the middle of the room. Some are on the landing, some in the doorway, when she calls to ROPER and JIMMIE._] Uncle Lal! Jimmie! I want to speak to you two for a second. [_ROPER and JIMMIE detach themselves from the rest and return._] Oh-- and Lord Farncombe! [_FARNCOMBE also returns and LILY, passing him, goes on to the landing and mixes with the others._] Be off; Lord Farncombe and Lal will look after Jimmie. Vincent, _you_ close the front-door. No noise! Au revoir, mes enfants! [_She watches them descend the stairs and, her manner softening, comes back into the room._] Lord Farncombe wants to have a quiet talk with me, Uncle Lal-- about-- about something, and he's asked me to let him remain behind with Jimmie for a few minutes. [_To JIMMIE._] But there's no necessity for you to wait, dear.

JIMMIE.

Don't consider me.

LILY.

But I do. Go upstairs and tell mother that Lord Farncombe's with me. Say I promise he shan't stay long. [_To ROPER._] You'll take Jimmie home, won't you, Lal?

ROPER.

[_His eyes bolting._] W-w-with pleasure.

LILY.

[_To JIMMIE._] I shall see you again later in the day, perhaps?

JIMMIE.

Rather! [_Throwing her arms round LILY'S neck and pressing her cheek to LILY'S._] Rather! [_To ROPER, significantly._] Sit in the hall till I'm ready.

[_She runs out on to the landing, pausing at the door to bestow a
parting nod and a smile upon FARNCOMBE, and ascends the stairs._

ROPER.

[_In a state of great excitement and exhilaration-- to LILY._] Yes, yes, I won't keep you and-- [_winking at her and jerking his head in FARNCOMBE'S direction_] from your _tête-à-tête_. [_Patting her face gleefully._] Ha, ha, ha, ha! [_Taking her hand, his own quivering._] Lil, Uncle Lal you call me, but I've always felt more like a parent towards you-- acted as such, hey?

LILY.

Y-y-yes, Lal.

ROPER.

And any happiness that befalls you-- any happiness that befalls you-- [_choking_] I'll leave it there. God bless yer; God bless yer! [_bustling over to FARNCOMBE who, his hat in his hand, his overcoat on his arm, is standing near the piano_] and God bless _you_, my lad! [_incoherently_] I'm proud-- proud to have the honour-- and to have been the means of-- the means of-- [_wringing FARNCOMBE'S hand_] God bless you both! [_He goes to the door and there finds LILY._] I-- I-- I-- I'll drop in by-and-by and-- and-- and inquire after you, my pet.

LILY.

[_Faintly._] All right, Lal.

ROPER.

[_Patting her face again._] Ha, ha, ha, ha! [_With a hop._] Wurrr-roo! Stand away from the lift; no more passengers this journey!

[_He waves to FARNCOMBE gaily and departs, closing the door. There is
a short silence and then FARNCOMBE places his hat and overcoat upon
the chair by the piano and turns to LILY._

FARNCOMBE.

[_In a low voice._] It's awfully kind and gracious of you to have granted my request, and frightfully selfish of me to have made it. I deserve to be kicked.

LILY.

[_Slowly advancing to the table in the centre-- avoiding his gaze._] Is-- is Jimmie aware of precisely what's in your note?

FARNCOMBE.

Y-y-yes. [_Drawing nearer to her._] I hope you won't be angry with me for confiding in her. You see, I-- I----

LILY.

[_At the further side of the table, fingering one of the objects upon it._] And _she'll_ confide in Uncle Lal. [_Shrugging her shoulders._] Oh, but dear old Lal appears to have summed up the situation pretty accurately as it is. [_With an artificial little laugh._] Ha, ha, ha! Well, I'm afraid they'll be horribly disappointed, poor wretches.

FARNCOMBE.

[_Blankly._] Disap-pointed?

LILY.

[_Raising her eyes to his and shaking her head at him._] You-- you silly boy!

FARNCOMBE.

[_Coming to her quickly._] Ah, please-- please don't take that tone with me. I'm no boy. And I'm simply mad about you. If you don't marry me, I-- I-- I'm done for.

LILY.

H'sh! Nonsense; not you!

FARNCOMBE.

It's true. Life'll be over for me from that moment, if you refuse to marry me.

LILY.

[_Mockingly._] Over!

FARNCOMBE.

Oh, love is all on my side at present, naturally; but, as God hears me, it'll be no fault of mine if you don't grow to love me in time.

LILY.

Listen----!

FARNCOMBE.

I'll worship you-- worship you. I _do_ worship you!

LILY.

H'sh! Lord Farncombe----

FARNCOMBE.

_Eddie!_ Won't you?

LILY.

Certainly not.

FARNCOMBE.

Do! Eddie! Eddie!

LILY.

Eddie, then----

FARNCOMBE.

Ah----!

LILY.

Sit down a minute. [_She goes to the settee and sits there, somewhat ruffled, and he moves to the arm-chair by the centre table and also sits, his elbows on his knees, bending towards her. She pushes her hair back from her brow impatiently, as if vexed with herself._] Lord Farncombe-- Eddie-- for how long have you known me?

FARNCOMBE.

What does it matter? I-- I admit----

LILY.

Reckoning our acquaintance from last week-- from the afternoon Bertie brought you here, when we scarcely spoke to one another-- you haven't known me for as many days as you can count on your fingers.

FARNCOMBE.

I've watched you-- watched you in the theatre----

LILY.

On the stage! Ho, ho! Oh, you-- but I mustn't call you silly boy again, must I! And what do you know _of_ me, apart from the glimpse you've had of me off the stage, and my being a shining light at the Pandora? What do you know of my-- what's the word?-- origin-- where and what I've sprung from; how I was reared; how much education I've received; how much I've contrived to pick up of the way to behave in _per_lite society? You can judge from poor mother, if from nothing else, that I come from humble beginnings. Yes, but _how_ humble you couldn't _dream_, [_making a grimace_] not after a supper of raw carrots!

FARNCOMBE.

Do you think I _care_ how humble your beginnings were! What I do know-- what I _am_ sure about-- is that you're good-- and beautiful-- and-- and-- and gifted-- and-- and-- [_leaning his head on his hands_] oh, I can't describe you; you're-- you're-- to me, you're _perfect_.

LILY.

[_After a pause, looking at him with blinking eyelids._] You-- you _dear_! [_He raises his head. She changes her tone instantly._] _Merci_; yes, perfect, _pour le moment_. Hear my French! [_Taking the box of cigarettes from the table._] Have a cigarette? Don't get up. [_She tosses him a cigarette and he catches it._] My name's printed on them-- "Lily." [_Lighting a cigarette._] Isn't it _chic_!

FARNCOMBE.

[_Producing his cigarette case and exchanging her cigarette for one of his own._] I'll never smoke _that_.

LILY.

[_Pushing the match-stand towards him._] _Stoo_pid! Now, attend to me. What do you say to a tiny provision shop in Kennington, over the water?

FARNCOMBE.

Was that----?

LILY.

[_Nodding._] H'm; that was my start in the world. Father kept a small shop in Kennington-- Gladwin Street, near the Oval. We sold groceries, and butter and eggs and cheese, and pickled-pork and paraffin. I was born there-- on the second floor; and in Gladwin Street I lived till I was fourteen. Then father smashed, through the Stores cutting into our little trade. Well, hardly smashed; that's too imposing. The business just faded, and one morning we didn't bother to take the shutters down. Then, after a while, father got a starvation berth-- eighteen shillings a week!-- at a wholesale bacon warehouse-- Price and Moseley's-- still over the water; and I earned an extra five at a place in the Westminster Bridge Road, for pasting the gilt edges on to passe-partouts from nine a.m. till six in the evening.

FARNCOMBE.

[_His head bowed again._] Great heavens!

LILY.

Not a syllable against the passe-partouts! They were the making of me. It was the passe-partouts that brought me and Tedder together.

FARNCOMBE.

Who?

LILY.

Tedder. In the house where I worked, a man of the name of Tedder-- Ambrose Tedder-- taught dancing-- stage dancing-- "Tedder's Academy of Saltatory Art"-- and every time I passed Tedder's door, and heard his violin or piano, and the sound of the pupils' feet, I--! [_Breaking off and throwing herself back._] Oh, lor', if once I----!

FARNCOMBE.

Go on; go on.

LILY.

Well, ultimately Tedder took me and trained me-- did it for nix-- for what he hoped to get out of me in the future. Ah, and he _hasn't_ lost over me-- poor old Ambrose! He collared a third of my salary for ever so long; and now that the old chap's rheumaticky and worn out, I-- oh, it's not worth mentioning. [_Jumping up and walking away._] My stars, he could teach, could Tedder! I began by going to him for the last twenty minutes of my dinner-hour. He wanted to stop _that_, because it was bad for me, he said, to practise on a full-- a full--! Ha, ha, ha! On a _full_--! [_Behind the table, resting her two hands upon it and shaking with laughter._] Ho, ho, ho! As if I ever had-- in those days----!

FARNCOMBE.

[_Writhing._] Ah, don't-- don't----!

LILY.

[_Brushing the tears from her eyes._] I was a pupil of Tedder's for twelve months, and then he got me on at the Canterbury; and from the Canterbury I went to Gatti's, and from Gatti's to the Lane, for a few lines in the pantomime and an understudy-- my first appearance in the West End-- [_singing_] "Oh, the West End is the best end!"-- and from there I went to the old Strand, and there Morrie Cooling spotted me, and that led to me being engaged at the Pandora, where I ate my heart out, doing next to nothing, for two whole years. Then came the production of _The Duchess of Brixton_, and it was in _The Duchess_-- thanks to Vincent Bland-- that I sang the "Mind the Paint" song. He believed in me, did Vincent; _he_ saw I was fit for something more than just prancing about, and airing my ankles, in a gay frock. By Jupiter, how he fought for me; _how_ he fought for me, up to the final rehearsal! And to this day, whenever I indulge in a prayer, you bet Vincent Bland has a paragraph all to himself in it! [_Checking herself and coming to FARNCOMBE._] Oh, but-- I needn't inflict quite so much of my biography on you, need I? [_He rises._] Sorry. I merely wanted to tell you enough to show you-- to show you----

FARNCOMBE.

[_Close to her, gazing into her eyes._] To show me what a-- what a _marvel_ you are!

LILY.

[_Pleased._] Ha, ha! Oh, I'm not chucking mud at myself really. Why should I! Many a woman 'ud feel as vain as a peacock in my shoes. Fancy! From the shop in Gladwin Street to-- [_with a gesture_] to _this_! And from Tedder's stuffy room in the Westminster Bridge Road to the stage of the Pandora, as principal girl!

FARNCOMBE.

[_Tenderly._] Wonderful!

LILY.

[_Carried away by her narration and putting her hands upon his shoulders familiarly._] Yes, and all the schooling I've ever had, Eddie, was at a cheap, frowsy day-school in Kennington, with a tribe of other common, skinny-legged brats. Imagine it!

FARNCOMBE.

[_Taking her hands._] I can't imagine it; I defy anybody to.

LILY.

[_Unthinkingly allowing him to retain her hands._] Everything I've learned since-- except my music, and that I owe to Tedder and Vincent-- everything I've learned since, I've learned by sheer cuteness, from novels, the papers, the theatres, and by keeping my ears open like a cunning little parrot. [_Softly._] Ha, ha! That's what I am-- a cunning little parrot!

FARNCOMBE.

[_Laughing with her._] Ha, ha!

LILY.

[_Tossing her head._] Ho, I dare say, if I had the opportunity, I could imitate the fine _ly_dies _you_ mix with, so that in less than six months you'd hardly know the difference between them and me!

FARNCOMBE.

[_Holding her hands to his breast._] There is no difference already; there _is_ none.

LILY.

Isn't there! [_Almost nestling up to him._] Ah, you should see me in one of my vile tempers. [_Wistfully._] Then-- then you wouldn't--! [_Becoming conscious of her proximity to him, she backs away and stands rubbing the palms of her hands together in embarrassment._] Anyhow-- anyhow it isn't my intention to give you a chance of comparing us.

FARNCOMBE.

[_Under his breath._] Oh-- Miss Parradell----!

LILY.

[_Collecting herself._] No, I-- I'm not going to let you make a fool of yourself over _me_, if I can help it.

FARNCOMBE.

Fool----!

LILY.

[_Facing him and speaking quietly but firmly._] Recollect, however shrewd and apt I may be, and however straight I've managed to keep myself, still-- I'm only a Pandora girl, and should always be remembered as one by your chums and belongings. Only a Pandora girl. Nothing can alter that, dear boy; and you mustn't-- you mustn't handicap yourself by hanging _me_ round your neck.

FARNCOMBE.

[_Heavily._] I-- I shouldn't be the first of my sort to marry a "Pandora girl," not by half a dozen or more.

LILY.

No, but-- without wishing to flatter you-- I don't quite put you on a level with Robbie Kinterton, and Glenroy, and Georgie Fawcus, and-- that crew. [_Cheerfully._] And so I mean to take care of you-- to take care of you for your own sake and for your mammy's and daddy's. [_She turns from him and fetches his hat and coat and gives them to him. He receives them from her with a dazed look._] Time's up. [_After a silence during which neither stirs._] Never mind. You'll survive it. [_Another pause._] Come along.

[_She passes him, to go to the door on the left. As she does so he
flings his hat and coat on to the settee, and clasps her in his arms._

FARNCOMBE.

Lily-- Lily----!

LILY.

Ah, that's not fair!

FARNCOMBE.

Don't-- don't send me away like this!

LILY.

[_Her hand against his breast._] It isn't fair of you!

FARNCOMBE.

Say you'll take time to consider.

LILY.

I hate you for it!

FARNCOMBE.

Ask Roper's advice-- your mother's----!

LILY.

I've trusted you!

FARNCOMBE.

Ask Miss Birch----!

LILY.

Eddie! Lord Farncombe----! [_He releases her and they confront one another, she panting, he hanging his head guiltily._] W-w-well, I-- I _have_ been mistaken in you.

FARNCOMBE.

[_In despair._] I-- I---- [_Turning from her and hitting his temples with his fists._] Forgive me. Forgive me.

LILY.

Ha! I-- I thought you were such a quiet, bashful fellow.

FARNCOMBE.

Forgive me. Forgive me.

[_She wavers and then slowly approaches him._

LILY.

[_Gently._] Don't-- don't fret about it. _I_ forgive you. [_Touching his arm with her finger-tips._] I'm to blame. [_Drawing a deep breath._] All those dances----!

[_He seizes her hand and kisses it passionately._

FARNCOMBE.

I may see you again? I may see you again? Lily-- Lily--! Lily----!

LILY.

[_In a whisper, averting her head._] N-no-- we'd better not---- [_There is a low but distinct knocking at the door on the left. She withdraws her hand and they look at each other, he inquiringly, she with a calm face. The knocking is repeated._] Mother. [_She goes to the door and speaks with her mouth close to it._] That you, mother? [_She listens for a reply and again the knocking is heard._] Who is it? [_She opens the door. JEYES is outside._] Nicko! [_JEYES comes into the room. He has rid himself of his wig and beard and is wearing an overcoat buttoned up to his chin and a cap drawn down to his brows. His face is white and his jaws are set determinedly._] How-- how have you got in? [_He produces a bunch of keys and grimly displays a latch-key._] Oh-- oh----! [_Pulling off his cap, JEYES advances to the table in the centre, glaring at FARNCOMBE. LILY closes the door sharply and also advances, speaking volubly to FARNCOMBE as she comes forward._] Captain Jeyes is in the habit of bringing me home from the theatre after my work; and a long while ago I gave him a latch-key to carry on his key-ring, so that he could let me into my house whenever I'd forgotten my own key. He hasn't the slightest right to use it at any other time; nobody knows that better than he does. It's a confounded liberty! [_To JEYES, hotly._] What are you doing here at all at this hour of the morning?

JEYES.

[_After an expressive glance at FARNCOMBE._] An odd question, in the circumstances.

LILY.

Answer me!

JEYES.

Keeping an eye on _you_.

LILY.

Spying on me!

JEYES.

On you-- [_jerking his head towards FARNCOMBE_] and----

LILY.

How dare you!

JEYES.

I've been at it all night.

LILY.

All night!

JEYES.

Yes; I was in the theatre while you were supping and dancing.

LILY.

_You_ were!

JEYES.

I _meant_ to be there. You did your best to stop it----

LILY.

That's a lie!

JEYES.

So that you could enjoy yourself thoroughly-- [_glancing at FARNCOMBE again_] with----

LILY.

A lie!

JEYES.

I didn't leave till past three. You and-- [_with another motion of the head towards FARNCOMBE_] had just had your fifth dance together, and they were hauling you round the building.

LILY.

Where _were_ you? Who----?

JEYES.

Excuse me; that's my business. Then I went back to Jermyn Street, and it suddenly struck me I'd like to see how your escort was composed.

LILY.

You've been watching outside?

JEYES.

Since a quarter-to-four-- under the portico at the corner.

LILY.

[_Contemptuously._] _You_----!

JEYES.

Yes, but, by God, I wasn't quite prepared for _this_!

LILY.

This!

JEYES.

[_Cramming his cap into his overcoat-pocket and coming to FARNCOMBE._] What the hell's your game? You've got some accommodating friends, both of you, in that blackguard Roper and that slut Jimmie Birch!

LILY.

Oh--! [_Approaching JEYES with clenched fists._] Ah, you cur----!

FARNCOMBE.

[_Holding up his hand to her appealingly._] Miss Parradell----!

LILY.

[_To JEYES._] You cur! Mother's been told that Lord Farncombe's with me. I sent Jimmie up to tell her.

JEYES.

Where _is_ your mother?

LILY.

In bed, of course.

JEYES.

Snoring! Ha, ha, ha! Faugh, there's an ugly name, my girl, for such mothers as yours!

LILY.

Ah--! [_Raising her fist._] Ah-h-h-h----!

FARNCOMBE.

Miss Parradell----!

LILY.

[_Restraining herself with difficulty and pacing the room._] Oh, the cur! The cur! The cur!

FARNCOMBE.

[_To JEYES, looking at him steadily._] Captain Jeyes----

LILY.

The low cur!

FARNCOMBE.

Captain Jeyes, do you happen to know where I lodge?

JEYES.

No; I don't know where your sty is.

FARNCOMBE.

St. James's Place-- forty-seven. I shall be in at twelve o'clock. [_Picking up his hat and overcoat._] From the tone this gentleman adopts, Miss Parradell, I assume that he considers himself entitled to concern himself in your affairs. [_Moving over to the left where LILY joins him._] Perhaps it will make it easier for you if I----

LILY.

[_Clutching his arm._] Ah, I'm so indignant, Eddie! I-- I-- I----!

JEYES.

Eddie! _Eddie!_

LILY.

[_Turning upon JEYES in a fury._] Yes, you cad-- Eddie, _Eddie_, EDDIE! You cad! You sneak! You idler! You waster! I've stood it long enough. This is the last straw! I've done with you! I'm sick to death of you! How I've tolerated you all these years is a mystery to me! After this, get out of my sight and never show yourself to me again!

JEYES.

[_Grasping her wrist, fiercely._] Lily----!

LILY.

[_Wrenching herself free._] _What!_ [_Losing control over herself utterly._] You'll spy on me, will you, you shabby loafer! You'll peep at me while I'm eating my supper, and count the dances I choose to give that boy over there, will you! And then you'll break into my house, and insult my friends behind their backs, and insinuate foul things against my poor old mother-- you damned coward!-- and against me, [_pointing to FARNCOMBE_] and _him_! Why, you're not fit to black his boots, and you never were-- never-- you-- you-- you scum! Here! [_Taking FARNCOMBE'S note from her bosom and thrusting it at JEYES._] Read that! [_Sitting in the arm-chair by the centre table._] Read it! Read it! Read it! [_JEYES reads to himself._] Out loud!

JEYES.

[_Mumbling._] "Dear Miss Parradell. Will you allow me----?"

LILY.

Louder!

JEYES.

"Will you allow me to remain behind for a few minutes with Miss Jimmie after the others have gone? I know I am presuming a lot, but I cannot leave you till I have asked you the most important question a man can put to a woman. Farncombe."

LILY.

[_Breathless._] Written here-- on my note-paper-- while I was out of the room! It came on me like a thunder-clap! Ah! Ah! Ah! [_JEYES sits upon the settee, staring at the carpet._] And Morrie Cooling and Lal will tell you that I hadn't a notion that Lord Farncombe was to be at the supper last night, or any of the boys; not a notion. I blackguarded 'em both for deceiving me, and causing me to deceive _you_. [_Taking the scent-atomizer from the table and spraying her face with it._] Now! What have you to say now! Ah! Ah! Ah!

JEYES.

[_Huskily._] Why-- why the devil did you let Jimmie go? Why did you let her go? It was knowing that you and Farncombe were alone that-- that made me----

LILY.

Oh, if I'd suspected that a private detective was hovering around, I'd have kept the whole lot of my friends! As it was, Jimmie was looking dead, and--! [_in disdain._] Pah!

[_There is a pause and then JEYES sits upright and draws his hand
wearily across his eyes._

JEYES.

[_To LILY._] Well, I-- I beg your pardon. [_LILY continues to spray herself energetically._] I'm not so completely _scum_ as not to see that I ought to beg your pardon. [_Humbly._] I beg your pardon.

LILY.

[_Softening by degrees._] You-- you drive me mad sometimes-- positively frantic!

JEYES.

[_Partly to himself._] Mad! [_To FARNCOMBE._] And you, Farncombe-- I hope you'll accept my apologies. I offer them unreservedly.

[_FARNCOMBE bows, somewhat stiffly._

LILY.

[_To JEYES, protruding her lower lip._] I-- I didn't mean half I said, Nicko; I didn't mean half of it. [_Eyeing FARNCOMBE askance as she replaces the atomizer._] And I-- I'm ashamed of myself for losing my self-control as I did. [_There is another pause and then JEYES gets to his feet and silently returns the note to LILY. She looks up at him piteously and puts the note back into her bosom. Then he takes out his key-ring, removes the latch key from it, and throws the key on to the table. Having done this, he drags his cap from his pocket and makes for the door on the left. As he passes LILY, she rises and gently plucks at his sleeve._] Nicko-- Nicko----

JEYES.

[_In a thick voice._] Eh?

LILY.

Won't you-- won't you give Lord Farncombe-- some explanation----?

JEYES.

Explanation----?

LILY.

Of the sort of terms we've been on, you and I, He-- he must be-- rather puzzled-- [_turning away to the table._] Oh, it's due to you as well as to me!

JEYES.

[_Dully._] Just as you please. [_With a hard laugh._] Ho, ho! Yes, perhaps it _is_ due to me that he should learn a little more about me than he's been able to gather from personal observation-- and from your eloquent but summary description. [_Under his breath, screwing up his cap._] Idler-- waster-- loafer----!

LILY.

[_Penitently._] Nicko!

JEYES.

[_To FARNCOMBE, quietly._] Oh, it's a true bill, Farncombe. And yet, a very few years back-- _she_ won't dispute it-- I was one of the smartest chaps going, good at my job, with prospects as rosy as any man's in my regiment. There wasn't a cloud the size of your hand, apparently, in my particular bit of sky at the time I speak of; not a speck! Then I met this young lady, and-- [_pointing to the box-ottoman_] well, since we're in for it----!

FARNCOMBE.

Oh, Captain Jeyes----

JEYES.

No, no; she wishes you to understand the exact nature of the friendship between her and me. I'm obeying instructions. [_FARNCOMBE sits on the ottoman, nursing his hat and overcoat. Then JEYES sits in the arm-chair by the centre table, first turning the chair so that it faces FARNCOMBE._] Farncombe, I was under thirty, and still a subaltern, when I made Miss Parradell's acquaintance. Like most of my pals, I was spending my nights, whenever I could get away from Aldershot, in the stalls at the Pandora-- much the same as _you've_ been doing recently, and as a certain class of young man'll go on doing as long as the Pandora, and similar shops, continue to flourish. Ha! How honoured we felt, we men, in those days, at knowing some of the Pandora girls, and having the privilege of supping 'em and standing 'em dinner on Sunday evenings! If they'd been royal princesses we couldn't have been more elated. [_With a gesture._] Don't jump at conclusions. It generally ended there, or with our running into debt at a jeweller's. _We_ were young, _they_ were beautiful-- or we thought 'em so; but the majority of us weren't vicious, any more than the majority of the girls were-- though many of 'em were mighty calculating. It would have been better for us men if all the girls _had_ been wicked; the glamour, the infatuation, the folly, would have been sooner over, and one of us at least would have had a different tale to tell.

[_JEYES pauses, gazing at the floor, FARNCOMBE moves impatiently on
the ottoman and LILY seats herself upon the settee._

LILY.

[_Plaintively._] Nicko-- Nicko-- I merely wanted you to----

JEYES.

[_Rousing himself and speaking to LILY over his shoulder._] Who was it introduced us?

LILY.

Miss Du Cane-- Aggie Du Cane.

JEYES.

Agnes Du Cane. _She's_ gone under. [_To LILY._] Outside Buckley's oyster-bar, wasn't it?

LILY.

Not outside; in the parlour.

JEYES.

[_To FARNCOMBE._] Lily had only lately come to the Pandora-- a pale-faced slip of a thing. [_To LILY._] Eighteen, weren't you?

LILY.

[_Nodding._] Eighteen.

JEYES.

I confess I wasn't overwhelmingly attracted by her at first; she was so unlike the rest. [_Laughing bitterly._] Ha, ha, ha!

LILY.

[_Weakly._] Ha, ha, ha! Wasn't I dowdy!

JEYES.

But she was humble, and naïve, and confiding; and my vanity was tickled by her delight at the little treats I gave her, and by her gratitude for a tuppeny-ha'penny present or two. Nobody, I believe, with any pretensions to being a gentleman, had paid her much attention before I arrived on the scene.

LILY.

[_In a murmur._] No; nobody.

JEYES.

I didn't find out that I was in love with her-- you guess it's a love story, don't you?----

FARNCOMBE.

[_Delicately._] My dear Captain Jeyes----

JEYES.

I didn't find out that I was neck and heels in love with her until nearly a year afterwards, when my regiment went to the Curragh. _That_ did it-- separation! What I suffered in that hole, thinking of her, starving for her! In less than three months I was in London again, on leave, and in my old stall at the Pandora. But even then, Farncombe, I hadn't your pluck.

FARNCOMBE.

Pluck?

JEYES.

The pluck to snap my fingers at the world and propose marriage to a Pandora girl. Besides, my mother was alive then, and-- [_abruptly, with a wild look_] would you like to know what _she_ used to call these Pandora women, Farncombe? [_Bending forward, his hands tightly clenched._] She used to call them _a menace to society_. With their beauty, and their flagrant opportunities for displaying it, they are a living curse, she used to say-- a source of constant dread to mothers whose hope it is to see their sons safely mated to modest, maidenly girls of the typical English pattern. She told us once-- my brothers and me-- frightened as to where _we_ were drifting, that she was one of many mothers who prayed on their knees daily that their boys might be spared from being drawn into the net woven by their own weaknesses and passions-- drawn into it by these-- these----! [_He breaks off, stares about him for a moment, and then rises._] Oh, but I oughtn't to have repeated this to _you_. Pardon. [_Walking away unsteadily._] Ho, damned bad taste! [_Behind the table, supporting himself by leaning upon it._] Where was I? Back from the Curragh! [_Confused._] Yes-- yes-- and so things went on for a couple o' years-- I trailing after Lily closer than ever-- and at last-- at last I _did_ ask her to be my wife.

LILY.

[_Who has been listening to JEYES with parted lips and wide-open eyes-- appealingly._] Don't! Don't, Nicko; don't!

JEYES.

[_Oblivious of her interruption._] But I'd left it too late. The novelty of me had worn off; she'd scores of friends by that time; she'd made her big hit, and followed it with another, and was the talk o' the town. And she'd money; she wasn't dependent on _me_ any longer for her gloves and her trips and outings!

LILY.

[_Her head drooping._] Oh! Oh! [_Wringing her hands._] Oh, that's _beastly_ of you; _beastly_!

JEYES.

She was kind to me too, in a way-- kind and cruel. She didn't want to marry me; she didn't want to marry anybody; she was in love with herself, and her success, and what it was bringing her. But she wouldn't give me the kick. No, she wouldn't do that; I _had_ been something to her. And there's where the kindness came in-- and the merciless cruelty. [_Sitting upon the fauteuil-stool rigidly._] God, if only she'd broken with me then, firmly and finally-- if only she'd broken with me then-- she-- she might have saved me!

LILY.

[_Struggling with her tears._] Oh, Nicko, Nicko!

JEYES.

Twelve months ago she did throw me a bone. The regiment was under orders for India, and of course I sent in my papers; and out of pity, I suppose-- and because I was always pestering her-- she promised to become engaged to me if I'd get other work to do. Work! I wonder whether really she was grinning to herself when she made the stipulation!

LILY.

Oh-- oh----!

JEYES.

Work! All the spunk, all the energy, had been sapped out of me long before, and even her promise couldn't revive it. My search for a berth wasn't much more than a sham. At the back of my head I knew very well what I'd come to. The only work _I_ was capable of was dancing attendance on _her_, and filling in what remained of the day and night at a rotten restaurant, a Bohemian club, and the bar of the theatre. And that's _been_ my sole employment for the past year-- nothing but that. Pretty, for a man who started life as swimmingly as I did! [_His voice dying away._] Pretty-- pretty-- pretty-- pretty----!

LILY.

[_After a profound stillness._] I-- I don't think you've ever-- put the case to me-- quite so plainly as this, Nicko.

JEYES.

I-- I don't think I've ever put it quite so plainly-- to myself.

LILY.

[_Her lip trembling._] You-- you won't believe me----

JEYES.

What?

LILY.

I-- I've never fully realised it till now-- the harm I've done you. I declare to God I've never realised it till now. [_Faintly._] Nicko----!

JEYES.

[_After a further pause._] Ah, well--! [_With a deep sigh._] Ah, well! [_To FARNCOMBE, resignedly._] Farncombe, I-- I'm afraid I'm a shocking brute. I-- I got carried away. Forget-- forget the things I've said of this girl. Forget 'em, will yer? [_Starting to his feet._] And look here! A man who isn't a sportsman deserves to be shot. You've won her; I've lost her. Congratulate yer, old chap; congratulate yer! [_Pulling on his cap._] Take care of her, that's all; m-m-mind you take care of her!

[_He turns towards the door and she jumps up and runs to him and
seizes his arm. FARNCOMBE also rises._

LILY.