Chapter VI: Act II: SCENE I.--Sir Giles's House

_Enter_ Sir Giles Overreach _and_ Marall.

_Sir G._ He's gone, I warrant thee; this commission crush'd him.

_Mar._ Your worship has the way on't, and ne'er miss To squeeze these unthrifts into air; and yet The chap-fallen justice did his part, returning For your advantage the certificate, Against his conscience and his knowledge too; (With your good favour) to the utter ruin Of the poor farmer.

_Sir G._ 'Twas for these good ends I made him a justice. He, that bribes his belly, Is certain to command his soul.

_Mar._ I wonder. Why, your worship having The power to put this thin-gut in commission, You are not in't yourself.

_Sir G._ Thou art a fool: In being out of office, I am out of danger; Where, if I were a justice, besides the trouble, I might, or out of wilfulness, or error, Run myself finely into a praemunire: And so become a prey to the informer. No, I'll have none of't: 'tis enough I keep Greedy at my devotion: so he serve My purposes, let him hang, or damn, I care not; Friendship is but a word.

_Mar._ You are all wisdom.

_Sir G._ I would be worldly wise; for the other wisdom, That does prescribe us a well-govern'd life, And to do right to others, as ourselves, I value not an atom.

_Mar._ What course take you, (With your good patience) to hedge in the manor Of your neighbour, Mr. Frugal? As 'tis said, He will not sell, nor borrow, nor exchange; And his land lying in the midst of your many lordships, Is a foul blemish.

_Sir. G._ I have thought on't, Marall; And it shall take. I must have all men sellers, And I the only purchaser.

_Mar._ 'Tis most fit, sir.

_Sir G._ I'll, therefore, buy some cottage near his manor; Which done, I'll make my men break ope' his fences, Ride o'er his standing corn, and in the night Set fire to his barns, or break his cattle's legs. These trespasses draw on suits, and suits, expenses; Which I can spare, but will soon beggar him. When I have hurried him thus, two or three years, Though he was sue forma pauperis, in spite Of all his thrift and care, he'll grow behind hand.

_Mar._ The best I ever heard! I could adore you!

_Sir G._ Then, with the favour of my man of law, I will pretend some title; want will force him To put it to arbitrement; then, if he sell For half the value, he shall have ready money, And I possess the land.

_Mar._ Wellborn was apt to sell, and needed not These fine arts, sir, to hook him in.

_Sir G._ Well thought on. This varlet, Wellborn, lives too long, to upbraid me With my close cheat put upon him. Will nor cold Nor hunger kill him?

_Mar._ I know not what to think on't. I have us'd all means; and the last night I caus'd His host, the tapster, to turn him out of doors; And have been since with all your friends and tenants, And on the forfeit of your favour, charg'd them, Tho' a crust of mouldy bread would keep him from starving, Yet they should not relieve him.

_Sir G._ That was something, Marall, but thou must go farther; And suddenly, Marall.

_Mar._ Where, and when you please, sir.

_Sir G._ I would have thee seek him out; and, if thou canst, Persuade him, that 'tis better steal, than beg; Then, if I prove he has but robb'd a henroost, Not all the world shall save him from the gallows. Do anything to work him to despair, And 'tis thy masterpiece.

_Mar._ I will do my best, sir.

_Sir G._ I am now on my main work, with the Lord Lovell; The gallant-minded, popular Lord Lovell, The minion of the people's love. I hear He's come into the country; and my aims are To insinuate myself into his knowledge, And then invite him to my house.

_Mar._ I have you. This points at my young mistress.

_Sir G._ She must part with That humble title, and write honourable; Right honourable, Marall; my right honourable daughter; If all I have, or e'er shall get, will do it. I will have her well attended; there are ladies Of errant knights decay'd, and brought so low, That, for cast clothes, and meat, will gladly serve her. And 'tis my glory, though I come from the city, To have their issue, whom I have undone, To kneel to mine, as bond slaves.

_Mar._ 'Tis fit state, sir.

_Sir G._ And, therefore, I'll not have a chambermaid That ties her shoes, or any meaner office, But such, whose fathers were right worshipful. 'Tis a rich man's pride! there having ever been More than a feud, a strange antipathy, Between us, and true gentry.

_Enter_ Wellborn.

_Mar._ See! who's here, sir?

_Sir G._ Hence, monster! prodigy!

_Wellb._ Call me what you will, I am your nephew, sir.

_Sir G._ Avoid my sight! thy breath's infectious, rogue! I shun thee as a leprosy, or the plague. Come hither, Marall, this is the time to work him.

_Mar._ I warrant you, sir.

[_Exit_ Sir Giles Overreach.

_Wellb._ By this light, I think he's mad.

_Mar._ Mad! had you took compassion on yourself, You long since had been mad.

_Wellb._ You have took a course, Between you and my venerable uncle, To make me so.

_Mar._ The more pale-spirited you, That would not be instructed. I swear deeply.

_Wellb._ By what?

_Mar._ By my religion.

_Wellb._ Thy religion! The devil's creed: but what would you have done?

_Mar._ Before, like you, I had outliv'd my fortunes, A withe had serv'd my turn to hang myself. I am zealous in your cause: 'pray you, hang yourself; And presently, as you love your credit.

_Wellb._ I thank you.

_Mar._ Will you stay till you die in a ditch? Or, if you dare not do the fate yourself, But that you'll put the state to charge and trouble, Is there no purse to be cut? house to be broken? Or market-woman, with eggs, that you may murder, And so despatch the business?

_Wellb._ Here's variety, I must confess; but I'll accept of none Of all your gentle offers, I assure you.

_Mar._ If you like not hanging, drown yourself; take some course For your reputation.

_Wellb._ 'Twill not do, dear tempter, With all the rhetoric the fiend hath taught you. I am as far as thou art from despair. Nay, I have confidence, which is more than hope, To live, and suddenly, better than ever.

_Mar._ Ha! ha! these castles you build in the air Will not persuade me, or to give, or lend A token to you.

_Wellb._ I'll be more kind to thee. Come, thou shalt dine with me.

_Mar._ With you?

_Wellb._ Nay, more, dine gratis.

_Mar._ Under what hedge, I pray you? or, at whose cost? Are they padders, or gipsies, that are your consorts?

_Wellb._ Thou art incredulous; but thou shalt dine, Not alone at her house, but with a gallant lady; With me, and with a lady.

_Mar._ Lady! what lady? With the lady of the lake, or queen of fairies? For I know it must be an enchanted dinner.

_Wellb._ With the Lady Allworth, knave.

_Mar._ Nay, now there's hope Thy brain is crack'd.

_Wellb._ Mark there, with what respect I am entertain'd.

_Mar._ With choice, no doubt, of dog-whips. Why, dost thou ever hope to pass her porter?

_Wellb._ 'Tis not far off, go with me: trust thine own eyes.

_Mar._ Troth, in my hope, or my assurance, rather, To see thee curvet, and mount like a dog in a blanket, If ever thou presume to pass her threshold, I will endure thy company.

_Wellb._ Come along. [_Exeunt._

SCENE II.--_A Hall in_ Lady Allworth's _House_.

_Enter_ Allworth, Order, Amble, _and_ Watchall.

_Allw._ Your courtesies overwhelm me: I much grieve To part from this house, and yet, I find comfort; My attendance on my honourable lord, Whose resolution holds to visit my lady, Will speedily bring me back.

[_Knocking at the Gate._ Marall _and_ Wellborn _within_.

_Mar._ Dar'st thou venture farther?

_Wellb._ Yes, yes, and knock again.

_Order._ 'Tis he; disperse; 'tis Mr. Wellborn.

_Fur._ I know my cue, ne'er doubt me.

[_Exeunt_ Amble _and_ Furnice.

_Enter_ Marall _and_ Wellborn.

_Order._ You were long since expected. Most welcome, sir.

_Wellb._ Say so much To my friend, I pray you.

_Order._ For your sake, I will, sir. [_Exit._

_Mar._ For his sake!

_Wellb._ Mum! this is nothing.

_Mar._ More than ever I would have believed, though I had found it in my primer.

_Allw._ When I have given you reasons for my late harshness, You'll pardon, and excuse me: for, believe me; Tho' now I part abruptly in my service, I will deserve it.

_Mar._ Service! with a vengeance!

_Wellb._ I am satisfied: farewell, Tom.

_Allw._ All joy stay with you.

[_Exit_ Allworth.

_Enter_ Amble.

_Amble._ You are happily encounter'd: I never yet Presented one so welcome, as I know You will be to my lady.

_Mar._ This is some vision; Or, sure, these men are mad, to worship a dung-hill; It cannot be a truth.

_Wellb._ Be still a pagan, An unbelieving infidel; be so, miscreant, And meditate on blankets, and on dog-whips.

_Enter_ Furnace.

_Fur._ I am glad you are come; until I know your pleasure, I knew not how to serve up my lady's dinner.

_Mar._ His pleasure! is it possible? [_Aside._

_Wellb._ What's thy will?

_Fur._ Marry, sir, I have some growse and turkey chicken, Some rails and quails; and my lady will'd me to ask you, What kind of sauces best affect your palate, That I may use my utmost skill to please it.

_Mar._ The devil's enter'd this cook: sauce for his palate! That on my knowledge, for a most this twelve-month, Durst wish but cheese-parings, and brown bread on Sundays.

_Wellb._ That way I like them best.

_Fur._ It shall be done, sir. [_Exit_ Furnace.

_Wellb._ What think you of the hedge we shall dine under? Shall we feed gratis?

_Mar._ I know not what to think: Pray you, make me not mad.

_Enter_ Order.

_Order._ This place becomes you not: 'Pray you, walk sir, to the dining room.

_Wellb._ I am well here, Till her ladyship quits her chamber.

_Mar._ Well here, say you! 'Tis a rare change! but yesterday, you thought Yourself well in a barn, wrapp'd up in pease-straw.

_Enter_ Woman _and_ Chambermaid.

_Wom._ O sir, you are wish'd for.

_Chamb._ My lady dreamt, sir, of you.

_Wom._ And the first command she gave After she rose, was to give her notice When you approached here.

_Order._ Sir, my lady.

_Exit._

_Enter_ Lady Allworth.--_Salutes him._

_Lady A._ I come to meet you, and languished till I saw you. This first kiss for form: I allow a second, As token of my friendship.

_Mar._ Heaven bless me!

_Wellb._ I am wholly yours; yet, madam, if you please To grace this gentleman with a salute----

_Mar._ Salute me at his bidding!

_Wellb._ I shall receive it As a most high favour. [_To_ Marall.

_Lady A._ Sir, your friends are welcome to me.

_Wellb._ Run backward from a lady! and such a lady!

_Mar._ To kiss her foot, is to poor me, a favour I am unworthy of. [_Offers to kiss her Foot._

_Lady A._ Nay, pray you rise; And since you are so humble, I'll exalt you: You shall dine with me to-day at mine own table.

_Mar._ Your ladyship's table! I am not good enough To sit at your steward's.

_Lady A._ You are too modest: I will not be denied.

_Enter_ Order.

_Order._ Dinner is ready for your ladyship.

_Lady A._ Your arm, Mr. Wellborn: Nay, keep us company.

_Mar._ I was never so grac'd. Mercy on me!

[_Exeunt_ Wellborn, Lady Allworth, Amble, _and_ Marall.

_Enter_ Furnace.

_Order._ So, we have play'd our parts, and are come off well. But if I know the mystery, why my lady Consented to it, or why Mr. Wellborn Desir'd it, may I perish!

_Fur._ 'Would I had The roasting of his heart, that cheated him, And forces the poor gentleman to these shifts! Of all the griping and extorting tyrants I ever heard or read of, I never met A match to Sir Giles Overreach.

_Watch._ What will you take To tell him so, fellow Furnace?

_Fur._ Just as much As my throat is worth, for that would be the price on't. To have a usurer that starves himself, And wears a cloak of one and twenty years On a suit of fourteen groats, bought of the hangman, To grow rich, is too common: But this Sir Giles feeds high, keeps many servants, Who must at his command do any outrage; Rich in his habit; vast in his expenses; Yet he to admiration still increases In wealth and lordships.

_Order._ He frights men out of their estates, And breaks through all law-nets, made to curb ill men, As they were cobwebs. No man dares reprove him. Such a spirit to dare, and power to do, were never Lodg'd so unluckily.

_Enter_ Amble.

_Amble._ Ha! ha! I shall burst.

_Order._ Contain thyself, man.

_Fur._ Or make us partakers Of your sudden mirth.

_Amble._ Ha! ha! my lady has got Such a guest at her table, this term-driver, Marall, This snip of an attorney.

_Fur._ What of him, man?

_Amble._ The knave stinks, and feeds so slovenly!

_Fur._ Is this all?

_Amble._ My lady Drank to him for fashion's sake, or to please Mr. Wellborn, As I live, he rises, and takes up a dish, In which there were some remnants of a boil'd capon, And pledges her in white broth. And when I brought him wine, He leaves his chair, and after a leg or two, Most humbly thanks my worship.

_Order._ Rose already!

_Amble._ I shall be chid.

_Enter_ Lady Allworth, Wellborn, _and_ Marall.

_Fur._ My lady frowns.

_Lady A._ You attended us well. Let me have no more of this: I observ'd your leering. Sirrah, I'll have you know, whom I think worthy To sit at my table, be he ne'er so mean, When I am present, is not your companion.

_Order._ Nay, she'll preserve what's due to her.

_Lady A._ You are master Of your own will. I know so much of manners As not to inquire your purposes; in a word, To me you are ever welcome, as to a house That is your own.

_Wellb._ Mark that.

_Mar._ With reverence, sir, And it like your worship.

_Wellb._ Trouble yourself no farther, Dear madam; my heart's full of zeal and service. However in my language I am sparing. Come, Mr. Marall.

_Mar._ I attend your worship.

[_Exeunt_ Wellborn _and_ Marall.

_Lady A._ I see in your looks you are sorry, and you know me An easy mistress: be merry! I have forgot all. Order and Furnace, come with me; I must give you Farther directions. [_Exit._

_Order._ What you please.

_Fur._ We are ready. [_Exeunt._

SCENE III.--_The Country._

_Enter_ Wellborn _and_ Marall.

_Wellb._ I think I am in a good way.

_Mar._ Good sir, the best way; The certain best way.

_Wellb._ There are casualties That men are subject to.

_Mar._ You are above 'em: As you are already worshipful, I hope, ere long, you will increase in worship, And be right worshipful.

_Wellb._ Pr'thee do not flout me, What I shall be, I shall be. Is't for your ease, You keep your hat off.

_Mar._ Ease, and it like your worship! I hope Jack Marall shall not live so long, To prove himself such an unmannerly beast, Though it hail hazel nuts, as to be covered, When your worship's present.

_Wellb._ Is not this a true rogue, [_Aside._ That out of mere hope of a future coz'nage Can turn thus suddenly? 'tis rank already.

_Mar._ I know your worship's wise, and needs no counsel: Yet if in my desire to do you service, I humbly offer my advice (but still Under correction), I hope I shall not Incur your high displeasure.

_Wellb._ No; speak freely.

_Mar._ Then in my judgment, sir, my simple judgment, (Still with your worship's favour) I could wish you A better habit, for this cannot be But much distasteful to the noble lady That loves you: I have twenty pounds here, Which, out of my true love, I presently Lay down at your worship's feet; 'twill serve to buy you A riding suit.

_Wellb._ But Where's the horse?

_Mar._ My gelding Is at your service: nay, you shall ride me, Before your worship shall be put to the trouble To walk a-foot. Alas! when you are lord Of this lady's manor (as I know you will be), You may with the lease of glebe land, Requite your vassal.

_Wellb._ I thank thy love; but must make no use of it. What's twenty pounds?

_Mar._ 'Tis all that I can make, sir.

_Wellb._ Dost thou think, though I want clothes, I could not have 'em, For one word to my lady?

_Mar._ As I know not that--

_Wellb._ Come, I'll tell thee a secret, and so leave thee. I'll not give her the advantage, tho' she be A gallant-minded lady, after we are married To hit me in the teeth, and say she was forc'd To buy my wedding clothes, Or took me with a plain suit, and an ambling nag, No, I'll be furnish'd something like myself. And so farewell; for thy suit touching the glebe land, When it is mine, 'tis thine.

_Mar._ I thank your worship. [_Exit_ Wellborn. How was I cozen'd in the calculation Of this man's fortune! my master cozen'd too, Whose pupil I am in the art of undoing men; For that is our profession. Well, well, Mr. Wellborn, You are of a sweet nature, and fit again to be cheated: Which, if the fates please, when you are possess'd Of the land and lady, you, sans question, shall be. I'll presently think of the means.

[_Walks by, musing._

_Enter_ Sir Giles Overreach.

_Sir G._ Sirrah, take my horse; I'll walk to get me an appetite. 'Tis but a mile; And exercise will keep me from being pursy. Ha! Marall! is he conjuring? Perhaps The knave has wrought the prodigal to do Some outrage on himself, and now he feels Compunction in his conscience for't: no matter, So it be done. Marall!

_Mar._ Sir!

_Sir G._ How succeed we In our plot on Wellborn?

_Mar._ Never better, sir.

_Sir G._ Has he hang'd, or drown'd himself?

_Mar._ No sir, he lives, Lives once more to be made a prey to you: And greater prey than ever.

_Sir G._ Art thou in thy wits? If thou art, reveal this miracle, and briefly.

_Mar._ A lady, sir, has fall'n in love with him.

_Sir G._ With him! What lady?

_Mar._ The rich Lady Allworth.

_Sir G._ Thou dolt! how darst thou speak this?

_Mar._ I speak true; And I do so but once a year: unless It be to you, sir. We din'd with her ladyship: I thank his worship.

_Sir G._ His worship!

_Mar._ As I live, sir, I din'd with him, at the great lady's table, Simple as I stand here; and saw when she kiss'd him; And, at his request, welcom'd me too.

_Sir G._ Why, thou rascal, To tell me these impossibilities: Dine at her table! and kiss him! Impudent varlet! Have not I myself, To whom great countesses' doors have oft flown open, Ten times attempted, since her husband's death, In vain to see her, tho' I came--a suitor? And yet your good solicitorship, and rogue Wellborn, Were brought into her presence, feasted with her. But that I know thee a dog that cannot blush, This most incredible lie would call up one into Thy cheeks.

_Mar._ Shall I not trust my eyes, sir? Or taste? I feel her good cheer in my belly.

_Sir G._ You shall feel me, if you give not over, sirrah! Recover your brains again, and be no more gull'd With a beggar's plot, assisted by the aids Of serving men; and chambermaids; for, beyond these, Thou never saw'st a woman; or, I'll quit you From my employments.

_Mar._ Will you credit this, yet? On my confidence of their marriage, I offered Wellborn (I would give a crown now, I durst say his worship [_Aside._ My nag, and twenty pounds.

_Sir G._ Did you so? [_Strikes him down._ Was this the way to work him to despair, Or rather to cross me?

_Mar._ Will your worship kill me?

_Sir G._ No, no; but drive the lying spirit out of you.

_Mar._ He's gone.

_Sir G._ I have done, then. Now forgetting Your late imaginary feast and lady, Know, my Lord Lovell dines with me tomorrow: Be careful, not be wanting to receive him; And bid my daughter's women trim her up, Tho' they paint her, so she catch the lord, I'll thank 'em. There's a piece for my late blows.

_Mar._ I must yet suffer: But there may be a time-- [_Aside._

_Sir G._ Do you grumble?

_Mar._ O no, sir. [_Exeunt._

ACT. III.

SCENE I.--_The Country._

_Enter_ Lovell _and_ Allworth.

_Lov._ Drive the carriage down the hill: something in private I must impart to Allworth.

_Allw._ O, my lord! What sacrifice of reverence, duty, watching; Although I could put off the use of sleep, And ever wait on your commands to serve 'em. What danger, tho' in ne'er so horrid shapes, Nay death itself, though I should run to meet it, Can I, and with a thankful willingness, suffer: But still the retribution will fall short Of your bounties shower'd upon me.

_Lov._ Loving youth, Till what I purpose be put into act, Do not o'erprize it: since you have trusted me With your soul's nearest, nay, her dearest secret, Rest confident, 'tis in a cabinet lock'd, Treachery shall never open. I have found you More zealous in your love and service to me Than I have been in my rewards.

_Allw._ Still great ones, Above my merit. You have been More like a father to me than a master. 'Pray you pardon the comparison.

_Lov._ I allow it; And give you assurance I'm pleas'd in't. My carriage and demeanour to your mistress. Fair Margaret shall truly witness for me, I can command my passion.

_Allw._ 'Tis a conquest Few lords can boast of when they are tempted--Oh!

_Lov._ So young, and jealous!

_Allw._ Were you to encounter with a single foe, The victory were certain: but to stand The charge of two such potent enemies, At once assaulting you, as wealth and beauty, And those two seconded with power, is odds Too great for Hurcules. Hippolitus himself would leave Diana, To follow such a Venus.

_Lov._ Love hath made you Poetical, Allworth. How far is it To Overreach's?

_Allw._ At the most, some half hour's riding; You'll soon be there.

_Lov._ And you the sooner freed From your jealous fears.

_Allw._ Oh that I durst but hope it! [_Exeunt._

SCENE II.--_A Hall in Sir Giles's house._

_Enter_ Sir Giles Overreach, Greedy _and_ Marall.

_Sir G._ Spare for no cost, let my dressers crack with the weight Of curious viands.

_Greedy._ Store indeed's no sore, sir.

_Sir G._ That proverb fits your stomach, Mr. Greedy.

_Greedy._ It does indeed, Sir Giles. I do not like to see a table ill spread, Poor, meager, just sprinkled o'er with salads, Slic'd beef, giblets, and pigs' pettitoes. But the substantials--Oh! Sir Giles the substantials! The state of a fat Turkey now, The decorum, the grandeur he marches in with. Then his sauce, with oranges and onions, O, I declare, I do much honour a chine of beef! O lord! I do reverence a loin of veal!

_Sir G._ You shall have your will, Mr. Greedy. And let no plate be seen, but what's pure gold, Or such, whose workmanship exceeds the matter That it is made of; let my choicest linen Perfume the room; and when we wash, the water With precious powders mix, to please my lord, That he may with envy wish to bathe so ever.

_Mar._ 'Twill be very chargeable.

_Sir G._ Avaunt, you drudge! Now all my labour'd ends are at the stake, Is't time to think of thrift? Call in my daughter.

_Exit_ Marall.

And, master of justice, since you love choice dishes, And plenty of 'em----

_Greedy._ As I do indeed, sir. Almost as much as to give thanks for 'em--

_Sir G._ I do confer that province, with my power Of absolute command, to have abundance, To your best care.

_Greedy._ I'll punctually discharge it, And give the best direction. [Sir Giles _retires_.]--Now am I, In mine own conceit, a monarch, at the least, Arch president of the boil'd, the roast, the baked; I would not change my empire for the great Mogul's, Mercy on me, how I lack food! my belly Is grown together like an empty satchell. What an excellent thing did Heaven bestow on man, When she did give him a good stomach! It is of all blessings much the greatest. I will eat often and give thanks When my belly's brac'd up like a drum, and that's pure justice.

_Exit._

_Sir G._ It must be so. Should the foolish girl prove modest, She may spoil all; she had it not from me, But from her mother: I was ever forward, As she must be, and therefore I'll prepare her. Margaret!

_Enter_ Margaret.

_Marg._ Your pleasure, sir?

_Sir G._ Ha! this is a neat dressing! These orient pearls, and diamonds well plac'd too! The gown affects me not; it should have been Embroider'd o'er and o'er with flowers of gold; But these rich jewels and quaint fashion help it. How like you your new woman, the Lady Downfall'n!

_Marg._ Well for a companion: Not as a servant.

_Sir G._ Is she humble, Meg? And careful too, her ladyship forgotten?

_Marg._ I pity her fortune.

_Sir G._ Pity her! trample on her. I took her up in an old tatter'd gown (E'en starv'd for want of food), to serve thee; And if I understand she but repines To do thee any duty, though ne'er so servile, I'll pack her to her knight, where I have lodg'd him, In the country, and there let them howl together.

_Marg._ You know your own ways; but for me, I blush When I command her that was once attended With persons not inferior to myself In birth.

_Sir G._ In birth! Why, art thou not my daughter, The blest child of my industry and wealth? Why, foolish girl, was't not to make thee great, That I have run, and still pursue those ways That hale down curses on me, which I mind not? Part with these humble thoughts, and apt thyself To the noble state I labour to advance thee; Or, by my hopes to see thee honourable, I will adopt a stranger to my heir, And throw thee from my care; do not provoke me.

_Marg._ I will not, sir; mould me which way you please.

_Enter_ Greedy.

_Sir G._ How! interrupted?

_Greedy._ 'Tis matter of importance. The cook, sir, is self-will'd, and will not learn From my experience. There's a fawn brought in, sir, And for my life, I cannot make him roast it With a Norfolk dumpling in the belly of it: And, sir, we wise men know, without the dumpling 'Tis not worth three pence.

_Sir G._ 'Would it were whole in thy belly, To stuff it out; cook it any way--pr'ythee, leave me.

_Greedy._ Without order for the dumpling?

_Sir. G._ Let it be dumpled Which way thou wilt: or, tell him I will scald him In his own cauldron.

_Greedy._ I had lost my stomach, Had I lost my mistress's dumpling; I'll give ye thanks for't.

_Exit._

_Sir G._ But to our business, Meg; you have heard who dines here?

_Marg._ I have, sir.

_Sir G._ 'Tis an honourable man. A lord, Meg, and commands a regiment Of soldiers; and what's rare, is one himself; A bold and understanding one; and to be A lord, and a good leader in one volume, Is granted unto few, but such as rise up, The kingdom's glory.

_Enter_ Greedy.

_Greedy._ I'll resign my office, If I be not better obey'd.

_Sir G._ 'Slight, art thou frantic?

_Greedy._ Frantic! 'twould make me frantic and stark mad, Were I not a justice of peace and quorum too, Which this rebellious cook cares not a straw for. There are a dozen of woodcocks, For which he has found out A new device for sauce, and will not dish 'em With toast and butter.

_Sir G._ Cook, rogue, obey him. I have given the word, pray you, now, remove yourself To a collar of brawn, and trouble me no farther.

_Greedy._ I will; and meditate what to eat at dinner, For my guts have been in the kitchen this half hour. [_Exit._

_Sir G._ And, as I said, Meg, when this gull disturb'd us, This honourable lord, this colonel, I would have thy husband.

_Marg._ There's too much disparity Between his quality and mine, to hope it.

_Sir G._ I more than hope it, and doubt not to effect it. Be thou no enemy to thyself; my wealth Shall weigh his titles down, and make you equals. Now for the means to assure him thine, observe me; Remember he's a courtier, and a soldier, And not to be trifled with; and therefore, when He comes to woo you, see you do not coy it. This mincing modesty hath spoil'd many a match By a first refusal, in vain after hop't for.

_Marg._ You'll have me, sir, preserve the distance that Confines a virgin?

_Sir G._ Virgin me no virgins. I will have you lose that name, or you lose me; I will have you private; start not, I say, private.

_Marg._ Though you can dispense With your honour, I must guard my own. This is not the way to make me his wife. My modest breeding yielded up so soon, Cannot but assure him, I, that am light to him, will not hold weight When tempted by others: so in judgment, When to his will I have given up my honour, He must, and will, forsake me.

_Sir G._ How! forsake thee? Do I wear a sword for fashion? or is this arm Shrunk up, or wither'd? Does there live a man Of that large list I have encounter'd with, Can truly say I e'er gave inch of ground, Not purchas'd with his blood that did oppose me? Forsake thee when the thing is done! he dares not. Though all his captains, echoes to his will, Stood arm'd by his side, to justify the wrong, Spite of his lordship, I will make him render A bloody and a strict account; and force him, By marrying thee, to cure thy wounded honour; I have said it.

_Enter_ Marall.

_Mar._ Sir, the man of honour's come, Newly alighted.

_Sir G._ In, without reply, And do as I command, or thou art lost.

_Exit_ Margaret.

Is the loud music, I gave order for, Ready to receive him?

_Mar._ 'Tis, sir.

_Sir G._ Let 'em sound A princely welcome. [_Exit_ Marall.) Roughness awhile leave me; For fawning now, a stranger to my nature, Must make way for me.

_Enter_ Lovell, Allworth, Marall, _and_ Greedy.

_Lov._ Sir, you meet your trouble.

_Sir G._ What you are pleased to style so is an honour Above my worth and fortunes.

_Allw._ Strange! so humble.

_Sir G._ A justice of peace, my lord.

[_Presents_ Greedy to _him_.

_Lov._ Your hand, good sir.

_Greedy._ This is a lord; and some think this is a favour; But I had rather have my hand in my dumpling. [_Aside._

_Sir G._ Room for my lord.

_Lov._ I miss, sir, your fair daughter, To crown my welcome.

_Sir G._ May it please my lord To taste a glass of Greek wine first; and suddenly She shall attend my lord.

_Lov._ You'll be obey'd, sir.

[_Exeunt all but_ Sir Giles.

_Sir G._ 'Tis to my wish; as soon as come, ask for her! Why, Meg! Meg Overreach!

_Enter_ Margaret.

How! Tears in your eyes? Hah! dry 'em quickly, or I'll dig 'em out. Is this a time to whimper? Meet that greatness That flies into thy bosom; think what tis For me to say, my honourable daughter: No more but be instructed, or expect-- He comes.

_Enter_ Lovell _and_ Greedy.

A black-brow'd girl, my lord.

_Lov._ As I live, a rare one!

_Sir G._ That kiss Came twanging off, I like it: quit the room.

_Exit_ Greedy.

A little bashful, my good lord: but you, I hope, will teach her boldness.

_Lov._ I am happy In such a scholar: but----

_Sir G._ I am past learning, And therefore leave you to yourselves: remember--

_Exit_ Sir Giles.

_Lov._ You see, fair lady, your father is solicitous To have you change the barren name of virgin Into a hopeful wife.

_Marg._ His haste, my lord, Holds no power o'er my will.

_Lov._ But o'er your duty----

_Marg._ Which forc'd too much may break.

_Lov._ Bend rather, sweetest: Think of your years.

_Marg._ Too few to match with yours:

_Lov._ Do you think I am old?

_Marg._ I am sure, I am too young.

_Lov._ I can advance you.

_Marg._ To a hill of sorrow; Where every hour I may expect to fall, But never hope firm footing. You are noble; I of low descent, however rich. O my good lord, I could say more, but that I dare not trust these walls.

_Lov._ 'Pray you, trust my ear, then.

_Enter_ Sir Giles Overreach, _listening_.

_Sir G._ Close at it! whispering! this is excellent! And, by their postures, a consent on both parts.

_Enter_ Greedy.

_Greedy._ Sir Giles! Sir Giles!

_Sir G._ The great fiend stop that clapper!

_Greedy._ It must ring out, sir, when my belly rings noon. The bak'd meats are ran out, the roast turn'd powder.

_Sir G._ Stop your insatiate jaws, or I shall powder you.

_Greedy._ Beat me to dust, I care not; In such a cause as this I'll die martyr.

_Sir G._ Disturb my lord, when he is in discourse?

_Greedy._ Is't a time to talk When we should have been munching?

_Sir G._ Peace, villain! peace! shall we break a bargain Almost made up? Vanish I say.

_Thrusts_ Greedy _off_.

_Lov._ Lady, I understand you: Overreach. Rest most happy in your choice. Believe it, I'll be a careful pilot to direct Your yet uncertain bark to a port of safety.

_Marg._ So shall your honour save two lives, and bind us Your slaves forever.

_Lov._ I am in the act rewarded, Since it is good; howe'er you must put on An amorous carriage towards me, to delude Your subtle father.

_Marg._ I am bound to that.

_Lov._ Now break off our conference,--Sir Giles Where is Sir Giles?

_Enter_ Sir Giles Overreach, Greedy, Allworth, _and_ Marall.

_Sir G._ My noble lord; and how Does your lordship find her?

_Lov._ Apt, Sir Giles, and coming, And I like her the better.

_Sir G._ So do I too.

_Lov._ Yet, should we take forts at the first assault, 'Twere poor in the defendant. I must confirm her? With a love-letter or two, which I must have Deliver'd by my page, and you give way to't.

_Sir G._ With all my soul.--A towardly gentleman! Your hand, good Mr. Allworth; know my house Is ever open to you.

_Allw._ 'Twas still shut till now. [_Aside._

_Sir G._ Well done, well done, my honourable daughter, Thou'rt so already: know this gentle youth, And cherish him, my honourable daughter.

_Sir G._ What noise?

_Greedy._ More stops Before we go to dinner! O my guts!

_Enter_ Lady Allworth _and_ Wellborn.

_Lady. A._ If I find welcome, You share in it; if not, I'll back again, Now I know your ends! for I come arm'd for all Can be objected.

_Lov._ How! the Lady Allworth?

_Sir G._ And thus attended!

_Mar._ No, I am a dolt; the spirit of lies had entered me!

Lovell _salutes_ Lady Allworth, _who salutes_ Margaret.

_Sir G._ Peace, patch, 'Tis more than wonder, an astonishment That does possess me wholly.

_Lov._ Noble Lady, This is a favour to prevent my visit, The service of my life can never equal.

_Lady A._ My lord, I laid wait for you, and much hop'd You would have made my poor house your first inn: And therefore, doubting that you might forget me, Or too long dwell here, having such ample cause, In this unequal beauty, for your stay; And fearing to trust any but myself With the relation of my service to you, I borrow'd so much from my long restraint, And took the air in person to invite you.

_Lov._ Your bounties are so great, they rob me, madam, Of words to give you thanks.

_Lady A._ Good Sir Giles Overreach! [_Salutes him._ How dost thou, Marall? Lik'd you my meat so ill, You'll dine no more with me?

_Greedy._ I will when you please, And it like your ladyship.

_Lady A._ When you please, Mr. Greedy; If meat can do it, you shall be satisfied; And now, my lord, pray take into your knowledge This gentleman; howe'er his outside's coarse,

_Presents_ Wellborn.

His inward linings are as fine and fair As any man's. Wonder not I speak at large: And howsoe'er his humour carries him To be thus accoutr'd; or what taint soe'er, For his wild life has stuck upon his fame; He may, ere long, with boldness rank himself With some that have condemn'd him. Sir Giles Overreach, If I am Welcome, bid him so.

_Sir G._ My nephew! He hath been too long a stranger: 'faith you have. Pray let it be mended.

[Lovell _conferring with_ Wellborn.

_Mar._ Why, sir, what do you mean? This is rogue Wellborn, monster, prodigy, That should hang or drown himself, no man of worship, Much less your nephew.

_Sir G._ Well, sirrah, we shall reckon For this hereafter.

_Mar._ I'll not lose my jeer, Though I be beaten dead for it.

_Wellb._ Let my silence plead In my excuse, my lord, till better leisure Offer itself, to hear a full relation Of my poor fortunes.

_Lov._ I would hear and help them. [_Bell rings._

_Sir G._ Your dinner waits you.

_Lov._ 'Pray you, lead, we follow.

_Lady A._ Nay, you are my guest? Come, dear Mr. Wellborn. [_Exeunt all but Greedy._

_Greedy._ Dear Mr. Wellborn! so she said; Heav'n! aven! If my belly would give me leave, I could ruminate All day on this: I have granted twenty warrants To have him committed, from all prisons in the shire, To Nottingham jail! and now, dear Mr. Wellborn! And my good nephew!--But I play the fool To stand here prating, and forget my dinner.

_Enter_ Marall.

Are they set, Marall?

_Mar._ Long since; pray you a word, sir.

_Greedy._ No wording now.

_Mar._ In troth, I must: my master, Knowing you are his good friend, makes bold with you, And does entreat you, more guests being come in Than he expected, especially his nephew, The table being too full, you would excuse him, And sup with him on the cold meat.

_Greedy._ How! no dinner After all my care?

_Mar._ 'Tis but a penance for A meal; besides, you have broke your fast.

_Greedy._ That was But a bit to stay my stomach. A man in commission Give place to a tatterdemallion!

_Mar._ No big words, sir. Should his worship hear you----

_Greedy._ Loose my dumpling too; And butter'd toasts and woodcocks?

_Mar._ Come, have patience, If you will dispense a little with your justiceship, And sit with the waiting woman, you'll have dumpling, Woodcock, and butter'd toasts too.

_Greedy._ This revives me: I will gorge there sufficiently.

_Enter_ Sir Giles Overreach, _as from dinner._

_Sir G._ She's caught! O woman! she neglect my lord, And all her compliments apply to Wellborn! The garment of her widowhood laid by, She now appears as glorious as the spring. Her eyes fix'd on him; in the wine she drinks, He being her pledge, she sends him burning kisses, She leaves my meat to feed upon his looks; And, if in our discourse he be but nam'd, From her a deep sigh follows. But why grieve I At this? It makes for me; if she prove his, All that is hers, is mine, as I will work him.

_Enter_ Marall.

_Mar._ Sir, the whole board is troubled at your rising.

_Sir G._ No matter, I'll excuse it; pr'ythee, Marall, watch an occasion to invite my nephew To speak with me in private.

_Mar._ Who, the rogue, The lady scorn'd to look on?

_Sir G._ Hold your peace! My good lord, Excuse my manners.

_Enter_ Lovell, Margaret, _and_ Allworth.

_Lov._ There needs none, Sir Giles; I may ere long say father, when it please My dearest mistress to give warrant to it.

_Sir G._ She shall seal to it my lord, and make me happy.

_Marg._ My lady--

_Enter_ Wellborn _and_ Lady Allworth.

_Lady A._ My thanks, Sir Giles, for my entertainment.

_Sir G._ 'Tis your nobleness To think it such.

_Lady A._ I must do you a farther wrong, In taking away your honourable guest.

_Lov._ I wait on you, madam: farewell good Sir Giles.

_Lady A._ Nay, come, Mr. Wellborn, I must not leave you behind, in sooth, I must not.

_Sir G._ Rob me not, madam, of all joys at once. Let my nephew stay behind: he shall have my coach, And, after some small conference between us, Soon overtake your ladyship.

_Lady A._ Stay not long, sir.

_Lov._ You shall every day hear from me, By my faithful page. [_To_ Margaret.

_Allw._'Tis a service I am proud of.

[_Exeunt_ Lovell, Lady Allworth, Allworth, _and_ Marall.

_Sir G._ Daughter, to your chamber.

[_Exit_ Margaret.

You may wonder, nephew, After so long an enmity between us, I shall desire your friendship.

_Wellb._ So I do, sir: Tis strange to me.

_Sir G._ But I'll make it no wonder; And, what is more, unfold my nature to you. We worldly men, when we see friends and kinsmen, Past hope, sunk in their fortunes, lend no hand To lift 'em up, but rather set our feet Upon their heads, to press 'em to the bottom; As I must yield, with you I practis'd it: But now I see you in a way to rise, I can and will, assist you. This rich lady (And I am glad of't) is enamour'd of you.

_Wellb._ No such thing: Compassion, rather, sir.

_Sir G._ Well, in a word, Because your stay is short, I'll have you seen No more in this base shape; nor shall she say, She married you like a beggar, or in debt.

_Wellb._ He'll run into the noose, and save my labour! [_Aside._

_Sir G._ You have a trunk of rich clothes, not far hence, In pawn; I will redeem 'em: and, that no clamour May taint your credit for your debts, You shall have a thousand pounds to cut 'em off, And go a freeman to the wealthy lady.

_Wellb._ This done, sir, out of love, and no ends else--

_Sir G._ As it is, nephew.

_Wellb._ Binds me still your servant.

_Sir G._ No compliments; you are staid for: ere you've supp'd, You shall hear from me. My coach, knaves! for my nephew: Tomorrow I will visit you.

_Wellb._ Here's an uncle In a man's extremes? how much they do belie you, That say you are hard hearted!

_Sir G._ My deeds, nephew, Shall speak my love; what men report, I weigh not.

[_Exeunt._