Chapter I: Front Matter

Transcriber's Note: Italics are indicated like _this_. The original publication has been replicated faithfully except as listed at the end of this text.

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THE

ORPHEUS C. KERR PAPERS.

SECOND SERIES.

NEW YORK:
_Carleton, Publisher, 413 Broadway._
(LATE RUDD & CARLETON.)
M DCCC LXIII.

Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1862.

BY GEO. W. CARLETON.

In the Clerk's office of the District Court
for the Southern District of New York.

CONTENTS.

LETTER LIII.

NOTING THE LAMENTABLE INCONVENIENCES OF A "PRESS-CENSORSHIP," AND
PARTIALLY REVEALING THE CIRCUMSTANCES ATTENDANT ON A MARVELLOUS
STRATEGIC CHANGE OF BASE BY THE MACKEREL BRIGADE 9

LETTER LIV.

ILLUSTRATING THE DISASTROUS EFFECTS OF STRATEGY UPON NATIONAL
LITERATURE, AS EXEMPLIFIED IN THE ORIGINAL TALE READ BY OUR
CORRESPONDENT BEFORE THE COSMOPOLITAN CLUB 17

LETTER LV.

SETTING FORTH A NEW VILLAINY OF THE BLACK REPUBLICANS, AND
DESCRIBING THE THRILLING CONSTITUTIONAL BATTLE OF DUCK LAKE 60

LETTER LVI.

WHEREIN ARE PRESENTED SOME FEMININE REFERENCES, AN ANECDOTE BY THE
EXECUTIVE, AND CERTAIN NOTES OF A VISIT TO THE FESTIVE
SHENANDOAH VALLEY 69

LETTER LVII.

SUGGESTING MENTAL RELAXATION FOR A TIME, AND INTRODUCING A FAMILIAR
SKETCH OF THE WAR-STRICKEN DRAMA IN THE RURAL DISTRICTS 80

LETTER LVIII.

SHOWING HOW THE GENERAL OF THE MACKEREL BRIGADE ISSUED AN AFFECTING
GENERAL ORDER, EXEMPLIFYING THE BEAUTIES OF A SPADE CAMPAIGN AS
EXHIBITED IN STRATEGY HALL, AND CELEBRATING A NOTABLE CASE OF
NAVAL STRATEGY 88

LETTER LIX.

INSTANCING THE BENEFICENT DEPORTMENT OF THE VENERABLE GAMMON, AND
NOTING THE PERFORMANCE OF A REMARKABLE MORAL DRAMA BY CAPTAIN
VILLIAM BROWN 97

LETTER LX.

REPORTING THE SECOND REGULAR MEETING OF THE COSMOPOLITAN CLUB, AND
THE BRITISH MEMBER'S CITATION OF THE ENGLISH POETS 105

LETTER LXI.

PORTRAYING A SOCIAL EFFECT OF THE POSTAGE-STAMP CURRENCY,
DESCRIBING THE GREAT WAR MEETING IN ACCOMAC, RECORDING THE
LATEST EXPLOIT OF THE MACKEREL BRIGADE, AND INTRODUCING A
DRAFTING ITEM 118

LETTER LXII.

CONTAINING FRESH TRIBUTES OF ADMIRATION TO THE DEVOTED WOMEN OF
AMERICA, AND DEVELOPING THE GREAT COLONIZATION SCHEME OF THE
GENERAL OF THE MACKEREL BRIGADE FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE BLACK
RACE 128

LETTER LXIII.

GIVING A FAMILIAR ZOOLOGICAL ILLUSTRATION OF THE "SITUATION," AND
CELEBRATING THE BRILLIANT STRATEGICAL EVACUATION OF PARIS BY
THE MACKEREL BRIGADE 136

LETTER LXIV.

SHOWING HOW THE CO-MOPOLITANS MET AGAIN, TO BE INTRODUCED TO THE
"NEUTRAL BRITISH GENTLEMAN," AND HEAR M. BONBON'S FRENCH
STORY 143

LETTER LXV.

NOTING THE REMARKABLE RETROGRADE ADVANCE OF THE MACKEREL BRIGADE
UPON WASHINGTON, AND THE UNSEEMLY RAID OF THE RECKLESS
CONFEDERACY 166

LETTER LXVI.

IN WHICH OUR CORRESPONDENT ASTONISHES US BY ENGAGING IN SINGLE
COMBAT WITH M. MICHELET, AND DEMOLISHING "L'AMOUR" AND "LA
FEMME" 174

LETTER LXVII.

GIVING ASSURANCE OF THE UNMITIGATED SAFETY OF THE CAPITAL,
EXEMPLIFYING COLONEL WOBINSON'S DRAFTING EXPERIENCE, AND
NARRATING A GREAT METAPHYSICAL VICTORY 184

LETTER LXVIII.

INTRODUCING ONCE MORE THE COSMOPOLITAN CLUB, WITH A CURIOUS
"LAMENT," AND A STORY FROM THE SPANISH MEMBER 196

LETTER LXIX.

ILLUSTRATING THE IMPERTURBABLE CALMNESS OF THE NATIONAL CAPITAL,
AND NOTING THE MEMORABLE INVASION OF ACCOMAC 220

LETTER LXX.

COMMENCING WITH HISTORICAL REFERENCE; RELATING THE EPISODE OF
SPURIOSO GRIMALDI, AND DETAILING THE LAMENTABLE FAILURE OF
CAPTAIN SAMYULE SA-MITH TO PERISH HEROICALLY 228

LETTER LXXI.

SHOWING HOW THE PRESIDENT AND THE GENERAL OF THE MACKEREL BRIGADE
ISSUED GREAT EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATIONS, AND HOW THE CHAPLAIN
WROTE A RADICAL POEM 238

LETTER LXXII.

REPORTING THE LATEST SMALL STORY FROM "HONEST ABE," AND DESCRIBING
THE MOST MERCENARY BAYONET CHARGE ON RECORD 250

LETTER LXXIII.

MAKING MENTION OF ANOTHER MEETING OF THE COSMOPOLITAN CLUB, AT
WHICH THE TURKISH AND RUSSIAN MEMBERS READ THEIR STORIES 260

LETTER LXXIV.

CONCERNING THE SERIOUS MISTAKE OF THE VENERABLE GAMMON, THE
CHAPLAIN'S POETICAL DISCOVERY, THE PROMOTION OF COMMODORE HEAD,
AND THE RECEPTION OF THE PRESIDENT'S PROCLAMATION BY THE
SOUTHERN CONFEDERACY 299

LETTER LXXV.

SETTING FORTH THE FALSE AND TRUE ASPECTS OF BEAMING OLD AGE
RESPECTIVELY, AND SHOWING HOW THE UNBLUSHING CONFEDERACY MADE
ANOTHER RAID 310

LETTER LXXVI.

REFERRING TO THE MOSQUITO AS A TEST OF HUMAN NATURE, EXPLAINING THE
LONG HALT OF THE MACKEREL BRIGADE, AND NOTING THE COURT OF
INQUIRY ON CAPTAIN VILLIAM BROWN 320

LETTER LXXVII.

SHOWING WHAT EFFECT DEMOCRATIC TRIUMPHS HAVE UPON THE PRESIDENT,
NOTING OUR CORRESPONDENT'S STRANGE MISTAKE ABOUT A BRITISH
FLAG, AND INDICATING THE STRATEGIC ADVANCE OF THE MACKEREL
BRIGADE 328

LETTER LXXVIII.

IN WHICH THE STORY TOLD BY THE GERMAN MEMBER OF THE COSMOPOLITAN
CLUB IS DULY REPORTED 337

LETTER LXXIX.

SHOWING HOW THE NATIONAL INSANITARY COMMITTEE MADE A STRANGE
BLUNDER; HOW THE BELOVED GENERAL OF THE MACKEREL BRIGADE WAS
REMOVED AND EXALTED; AND ENDING WITH AN INFALLIBLE RECIPE 358

THE

ORPHEUS C. KERR PAPERS.

SECOND SERIES.