Chapter XX: Anonymous Letters

Do not give dalliance
Too much the rein; the strongest oaths are straw
To the fire i' the blood.--_Tempest_.

As they left the drawing-room about midnight, Julien had time to say to his love,

"Don't let us see each other to-night. Your husband has suspicions. I would swear that that big letter he read with a sigh was an anonymous letter."

Fortunately, Julien locked himself into his room. Madame de Rênal had the mad idea that this warning was only a pretext for not seeing her. She absolutely lost her head, and came to his door at the accustomed hour. Julien, who had heard the noise in the corridor, immediately blew out his lamp. Someone was trying to open the door. Was it Madame de Rênal? Was it a jealous husband?

Very early next morning the cook, who liked Julien, brought him a book, on the cover of which he read these words written in Italian: _Guardate alla pagina_ 130.

Julien shuddered at the imprudence, looked for page 130, and found pinned to it the following letter hastily written, bathed with tears, and full of spelling mistakes. Madame de Rênal was usually very correct. He was touched by this circumstance, and somewhat forgot the awfulness of the indiscretion.

"So you did not want to receive me to-night? There are
moments when I think that I have never read down to the
depths of your soul. Your looks frighten me. I am afraid
of you. Great God! perhaps you have never loved me? In
that case let my husband discover my love, and shut me
up in a prison in the country far away from my children.
Perhaps God wills it so. I shall die soon, but you will
have proved yourself a monster.

"Do you not love me? Are you tired of my fits of folly
and of remorse, you wicked man? Do you wish to ruin me?
I will show you an easy way. Go and show this letter to
all Verrières, or rather show it to M. Valenod. Tell him
that I love you, nay, do not utter such a blasphemy,
tell him I adore you, that it was only on the day I saw
you that my life commenced; that even in the maddest
moments of my youth I never even dreamt of the happiness
that I owe to you, that I have sacrificed my life to
you and that I am sacrificing my soul. You know that
I am sacrificing much more. But does that man know
the meaning of sacrifice? Tell him, I say, simply to
irritate him, that I will defy all evil tongues, that
the only misfortune for me in the whole world would
be to witness any change in the only man who holds me
to life. What a happiness it would be to me to lose
my life, to offer it up as a sacrifice and to have no
longer any fear for my children.

"Have no doubt about it, dear one, if it is an
anonymous letter, it comes from that odious being who
has persecuted me for the last six years with his loud
voice, his stories about his jumps on horseback, his
fatuity, and the never ending catalogue of all his
advantages.

"Is there an anonymous letter? I should like to discuss
that question with you, you wicked man; but no, you
acted rightly. Clasping you in my arms perhaps for the
last time, I should never have been able to argue as
coldly as I do, now that I am alone. From this moment
our happiness will no longer be so easy. Will that be a
vexation for you? Yes, on those days when you haven't
received some amusing book from M. Fouqué. The sacrifice
is made; to-morrow, whether there is or whether there is
not any anonymous letter, I myself will tell my husband
I have received an anonymous letter and that it is
necessary to give you a golden bridge at once, find some
honourable excuse, and send you back to your parents
without delay.

"Alas, dear one, we are going to be separated for a
fortnight, perhaps a month! Go, I will do you justice,
you will suffer as much as I, but anyway, this is the
only means of disposing of this anonymous letter. It is
not the first that my husband has received, and on my
score too. Alas! how I used to laugh over them!

"My one aim is to make my husband think that the letter
comes from M. Valenod; I have no doubt that he is
its author. If you leave the house, make a point of
establishing yourself at Verrières; I will manage that
my husband should think of passing a fortnight there
in order to prove to the fools there was no coldness
between him and me. Once at Verrières, establish ties of
friendship with everyone, even with the Liberals. I am
sure that all their ladies will seek you out.

"Do not quarrel with M. Valenod, or cut off his ears,
as you said you would one day. Try, on the contrary, to
ingratiate yourself with him. The essential point is
that it should be notorious in Verrières that you are
going to enter the household either of Valenod or of
someone else to take charge of the children's education.

"That is what my husband will never put up with. If he
does feel bound to resign himself to it, well, at any
rate, you will be living in Verrières and I shall be
seeing you sometimes. My children, who love you so much,
will go and see you. Great God! I feel that I love my
children all the more because they love you. How is
all this going to end? I am wandering.... Anyway you
understand your line of conduct. Be nice, polite, but
not in any way disdainful to those coarse persons. I
ask you on my knees; they will be the arbiters of our
fate. Do not fear for a moment but that, so far as you
are concerned, my husband will conform to what public
opinion lays down for him.

"It is you who will supply me with the anonymous letter.
Equip yourself with patience and a pair of scissors, cut
out from a book the words which you will see, then stick
them with the mouth-glue on to the leaf of loose paper
which I am sending you. It comes to me from M. Valenod.
Be on your guard against a search in your room; burn the
pages of the book which you are going to mutilate. If
you do not find the words ready-made, have the patience
to form them letter by letter. I have made the anonymous
letter too short.

ANONYMOUS LETTER.

'MADAME,

All your little goings-on are known, but the persons
interested in stopping have been warned. I have still
sufficient friendship left for you to urge you to cease
all relations with the little peasant. If you are
sensible enough to do this, your husband will believe
that the notification he has received is misleading, and
he will be left in his illusion. Remember that I have
your secret; tremble, unhappy woman, you must now _walk
straight_ before me.'

"As soon as you have finished glueing together the
words that make up this letter (have you recognised the
director's special style of speech) leave the house, I
will meet you.

"I will go into the village and come back with a
troubled face. As a matter of fact I shall be very much
troubled. Great God! What a risk I run, and all because
you thought you guessed an anonymous letter. Finally,
looking very much upset, I shall give this letter to my
husband and say that an unknown man handed it to me. As
for you, go for a walk with the children, on the road to
the great woods, and do not come back before dinner-time.

"You will be able to see the tower of the dovecot from
the top of the rocks. If things go well for us, I
will place a white handkerchief there, in case of the
contrary, there will be nothing at all.

"Ungrateful man, will not your heart find out some means
of telling me that you love me before you leave for that
walk. Whatever happens, be certain of one thing: I shall
never survive our final separation by a single day.
Oh, you bad mother! but what is the use of my writing
those two words, dear Julien? I do not feel them, at
this moment I can only think of you. I have only written
them so as not to be blamed by you, but what is the good
of deception now that I find myself face to face with
losing you? Yes, let my soul seem monstrous to you,
but do not let me lie to the man whom I adore. I have
already deceived only too much in this life of mine. Go!
I forgive you if you love me no more. I have not the
time to read over my letter. It is a small thing in my
eyes to pay for the happy days that I have just passed
in your arms with the price of my life. You know that
they will cost me more."