Chapter C: F. Birdseye Believes They Bring Undergraduates More Under Influence (6)

I hold a modest clerkship this side the river Styx,
Also a cheap alarm-clock to waken me at six.
I dream I dwell in marble halls
Worth millions cool in cash;
Huge diamonds glitter on the walls
Where precious jewels flash;
A stranger wants to buy the place,
I take his offer up apace—
The
Clock
Strikes
Six!

I put ten dollars on a horse,
They say he cannot win;
Like lightning round the muddy course
I watch him swiftly spin.
A thousand if he keeps the pace!
Hurrah! My horse has won the race—
The
Clock
Strikes
Six!

The game is poker, and I hold
Three aces in my hand;
The jackpot, brimming full of gold,
Contains a fortune grand.
I draw a card with stolid face;
Behold, it is the other ace—
The
Clock
Strikes
Six!

A girl with eyes of heaven’s blue
Looks tenderly in mine.
The world seems made for just us two,
The pleasure is divine.
I hold her fast in my embrace,
I stoop to kiss her lovely face—
The
Clock
Strikes
Six!

Small wonder that when fortune plays me such scurvy tricks
I curse the cheap alarm-clock that wakens me at six.
_New York Times._

HEART OF THE FIRE.

From the heart of the fire does the vision rise,
It is good to sit in the afterglow,
While some one’s hand in your big one lies
And nobody there to know,
Ah, golden gleaming its many towers,
The palace ye build, ye twain.
Where two shall dwell thro’ the love-lit hours
In a golden castle in Spain.

Who is it laughs in the dusk behind?
Who lurks in the shadows there?
Will the years that are coming to you be kind
And the end of the dream be fair?
Ah! boy and girl, with the love-lit eyes!
Will the faith and the love remain
When only a crumbling ruin lies—
Your fallen castle in Spain?
_Sydney Bulletin._

Major Namby.

BY WILKIE COLLINS.

Wilkie Collins (1824–1889) was distinguished chiefly for his tendency
to confront his readers with a startling and apparently inexplicable
situation, and then by a process of analysis, which, at times, was
worthy of Poe, effect a solution of the mystery in a manner that left
one amazed by the very simplicity of it all. Shortly after the death
of Mr. Collins, the London _Spectator_ thus described his method:

“He was a literary chess-player of the first force, with power of
carrying his plan right through the game and making every move tell.
His method was to introduce a certain number of characters, set before
them a well-defined object, such as the discovery of a secret, the
revindication of a fortune, the tracking of a crime, or the
establishment of a doubted marriage, and then bring in other
characters to resist or counterplot their efforts. Each side makes
moves, almost invariably well-considered and promising moves; the
countermoves are equally good; the interest goes on accumulating till
the looker-on—the reader is always placed in that attitude—is rapt out
of himself by strained attention; and then there is a sudden and
totally unexpected mate.”

But Collins had a lighter side. Nearly all his characters were
invested with some degree of humor—a humor which could not forbear
flashing into some of the novelist’s darker scenes. “The Stolen
Letter,” which appeared in the June number of THE SCRAP BOOK, affords
an example of the manner in which Collins was wont to blend humor and
mystery. In “Major Namby,” which is printed herewith, we have a clever
character-sketch in which humor is seen to be the dominant element.

I am a single lady—single, you will please to understand, entirely because I have refused many excellent offers. Pray don’t imagine from this that I am old. Some women’s offers come at long intervals, and other women’s offers come close together. Mine came remarkably close together—so, of course, I cannot possibly be old. Not that I presume to describe myself as absolutely young, either; so much depends on people’s points of view. I have heard female children of the ages of eighteen or nineteen called young ladies. This seems to me to be ridiculous—and I have held that opinion, without once wavering from it, for more than ten years past. It is, after all, a question of feeling; and, shall I confess it? I feel so young!

I live in the suburbs, and I have bought my house. The major lives in the suburbs, next door to me, and _he_ has bought his house. I don’t object to this, of course. I merely mention it to make things straight.

Major Namby has been twice married. His first wife—dear, dear! how can I express it? Shall I say, with vulgar abruptness, that his first wife had a family? And must I descend into particulars, and add that they are four in number, and that two of them are twins? Well, the words are written; and if they will do over again for the same purpose, I beg to repeat them in reference to the second Mrs. Namby (still alive), who has also had a family, and is—no, I really cannot say is likely to go on having one.

There are certain limits in a case of this kind, and I think I have reached them. Permit me simply to state that the second Mrs. Namby has three children at present. These, with the first Mrs. Namby’s four, make a total of seven. The seven are composed of five girls and two boys. And the first Mrs. Namby’s family all have one particular kind of constitution, and the second Mrs. Namby’s family all have another particular kind of constitution.

Let me explain once more that I merely mention these little matters, and that I don’t object to them.

My complaint against Major Namby is, in plain terms, that he transacts the whole of his domestic business in his front garden. Whether it arises from natural weakness of memory, from total want of a sense of propriety, or from a condition of mind which is closely allied to madness of the eccentric sort, I cannot say; but the major certainly does, sometimes partially and sometimes entirely, forget his private family matters, and the necessary directions connected with them, while he is inside the house, and does habitually remember them, and repair all omissions by bawling through his windows at the top of his voice, as soon as he gets outside the house.

It never seems to occur to him that he might advantageously return indoors, and there mention what he has forgotten in a private and proper way. The instant the lost idea strikes him—which it invariably does, either in his front garden or in the roadway outside his house—he roars for his wife, either from the gravel walk or over the low wall, and (if I may use so strong an expression) empties his mind to her in public, without appearing to care whose ears he wearies, whose delicacy he shocks, or whose ridicule he invites.

If the man is not mad, his own small family fusses have taken such complete possession of all his senses that he is quite incapable of noticing anything else, and perfectly impenetrable to the opinions of his neighbors. Let me show that the grievance of which I complain is no slight one, by giving a few examples of the general persecution that I suffer, and the occasional shocks that are administered to my delicacy, at the coarse hands of Major Namby.

We will say it is a fine, warm morning. I am sitting in my front room, with the window open, absorbed over a deeply interesting book. I hear the door of the next house bang; I look up, and see the major descending the steps into his front garden.

He walks—no, he marches—half way down the front garden path, with his head high in the air and his chest stuck out, and his military cane fiercely flourished in his right hand. Suddenly he stops, stamps with one foot, knocks up the hinder part of the brim of his extremely curly hat with his left hand, and begins to scratch at that singularly disagreeable-looking roll of fat, red flesh in the back of his neck (which scratching, I may observe, in parentheses, is always a sure sign, in the case of this horrid man, that a lost domestic idea has suddenly come back to him).

He waits a moment in the ridiculous position just described, then wheels round on his heel, looks up at the first-floor window, and, instead of going back into the house to mention what he has forgotten, bawls out fiercely from the middle of the walk:

“Matilda!”

I hear his wife’s voice—a shockingly shrill one; but what can you expect of a woman who has been seen, over and over again, in a slatternly striped wrapper, as late as two o’clock in the afternoon?—I hear his wife’s voice answer from inside the house:

“Yes, dear.”

“I said it was a south wind.”

“Yes, dear.”

“It isn’t a south wind.”

“Lor’, dear.”

“It’s a sou’east. I won’t have Georgina taken out to-day. (Georgina is one of the first Mrs. Namby’s family, and they are all weak in the chest.) Where’s nurse?”

“Here, sir.”

“Nurse, I won’t have Jack allowed to run. Whenever that boy perspires he catches cold. Hang up his hoop. If he cries, take him into my dressing-room and show him the birch-rod. Matilda?”

“Yes, dear.”

“What the devil do they mean by daubing all that grease over Mary’s hair? It’s beastly to see it—do you hear?—beastly! Where’s Pamby?” (Pamby is the unfortunate workwoman who makes and mends the family linen.)

“Here, sir.”

“Pamby, what are you about now?”

No answer. Pamby, or somebody else, giggles faintly. The major flourishes his cane in a fury.

“Why the devil don’t you answer me? I give you three seconds to answer me, or leave the house. One—two—three. Pamby! what are you about now?”

“If you please, sir, I’m doing something——”

“What?”

“Something particular for baby, sir.”

“Drop it directly, whatever it is. Nurse!”

“Yes, sir.”

“Mind the crossings. Don’t let the children sit down if they’re hot. Don’t let them speak to other children. Don’t let them get playing with strange dogs. Don’t let them mess their things. And above all, don’t bring Master Jack back in a perspiration. Is there anything more before I go out?”

“No, sir.”

“Matilda! Is there anything more?”

“No, dear.”

“Pamby! Is there anything more?”

“No, sir.”

Here the domestic colloquy ends, for the time being. Will any sensitive person—especially a person of my own sex—please to imagine what I must suffer as a delicate single lady, at having all these family details obtruded on my attention, whether I like it or not, in the major’s rasping martial voice, and in the shrill answering screams of the women inside? It is bad enough to be submitted to this sort of persecution when one is alone; but it is far worse to be also exposed to it—as I am constantly—in the presence of visitors, whose conversation is necessarily interrupted, whose ears are necessarily shocked, whose very stay in my house is necessarily shortened by Major Namby’s unendurably public way of managing his private concerns.

Only the other day, my old, dear, and most valued friend, Lady Malkinshaw, was sitting with me, entering at length into the interesting story of her second daughter’s unhappy marriage engagement, and of the dignified manner in which the family ultimately broke it off.

For a quarter of an hour or so our interview continued to be delightfully uninterrupted. At the end of that time, however, just as Lady Malkinshaw, with the tears in her eyes, was beginning to describe the effect of her daughter’s dreadful disappointment on the poor, dear girl’s mind and looks, I heard the door of the major’s house bang as usual, and, looking out of the window in despair, saw the major himself strut half way down the walk, stop, scratch violently at his roll of red flesh, wheel round so as to face the house, consider a little, pull his tablets out of his waistcoat pocket, shake his head over them, and then look up at the front windows, preparatory to bawling as usual at the degraded female members of his household.

Lady Malkinshaw, quite ignorant of what was coming, happened, at the same moment, to be proceeding with her pathetic story, in these terms:

“I do assure you, my poor, dear girl behaved throughout with the heroism of a martyr. When I had told her of the vile wretch’s behavior, breaking it to her as gently as I possibly could; and when she had a little recovered I said to her——”

(“Matilda!”)

The major’s rasping voice sounded louder than ever, as he bawled out that dreadful name just at the wrong moment. Lady Malkinshaw started as if she had been shot. I put down the window in despair; but the glass was no protection to our ears—Major Namby can roar through a brick wall. I apologized—I declared solemnly that my next door neighbor was mad—I entreated Lady Malkinshaw to take no notice, and to go on. That sweet woman immediately complied.

I burn with indignation when I think of what followed. Every word from the Nambys’ garden (which I distinguish below by parentheses) came, very slightly muffled by the window, straight into my room, and mixed itself up with her ladyship’s story in this inexpressibly ridiculous and impertinent manner:

“Well,” my kind and valued friend proceeded, “as I was telling you, when the first natural burst of sorrow was over, I said to her——”

“Yes, dear Lady Malkinshaw,” I murmured encouragingly.

“I said to her——”

(“By jingo, I’ve forgotten something! Matilda, when I made my memorandum of errands, how many had I to do?”)

“‘My dearest, darling child,’ I said——”

(“Pamby, how many errands did your mistress give me to do?”)

“I said, ‘My dearest, darling child——’”

(“Nurse, how many errands did your mistress give me to do?”)

“‘My own love,’ I said——”

(“Pooh! pooh! I tell you, I had four errands to do, and I’ve only got three of ’em written down. Check me off, all of you—I’m going to read my errands.”)

“‘Your own proper pride, love,’ I said, ‘will suggest to you——’”

(“Gray powder for baby.”)

—“‘the necessity of making up your mind, my angel, to——’”

(“Row the plumber for infamous condition of back kitchen sink.”)

“‘to return all the wretch’s letters, and——’”

(“Speak to the haberdasher about patching Jack’s shirts.”)

“‘all his letters and presents, darling. You need only make them up into a parcel, and write inside——’”

(“Matilda! is that all?”)

—“‘and write inside——’”

(“Pamby! is that all?”)

—“‘and write inside——’”

(“Nurse! is that all?”)

“‘I have my mother’s sanction for making one last request of you. It is this——’”

(“What have the children got for dinner to-day?”)

—“it is this: return me my letters, as I have returned yours. You will find inside——”

(“A shoulder of mutton and onion sauce? And a devilish good dinner, too.”)

The coarse wretch roared out those last shocking words cheerfully, at the top of his voice. Hitherto, Lady Malkinshaw had preserved her temper with the patience of an angel; but she began—and who can wonder?—to lose it at last.

“It is really impossible, my dear,” she said, rising from her chair, “to continue any conversation while that very intolerable person persists in talking to his family from his front garden. No! I really cannot go on—I cannot, indeed.”

Just as I was apologizing to my sweet friend for the second time, I observed, to my great relief (having my eyes still on the window), that the odious major had apparently come to the end of his domestic business for that morning, and had made up his mind at last to relieve us of his presence. I distinctly saw him put his tablets back in his pocket, wheel round again on his heel, and march straight to the garden gate.

I waited until he had his hand on the lock to open it; and then, when I felt that we were quite safe, I informed dear Lady Malkinshaw that my detestable neighbor had at last taken himself off, and, throwing open the window again to get a little air, begged and entreated her to oblige me by resuming the charming conversation.

“Where was I?” inquired my distinguished friend.

“You were telling me what you recommended your poor darling to write inside your inclosure,” I answered.

“Ah, yes—so I was. Well, my dear, she controlled herself by an admirable effort, and wrote exactly what I told her. You will excuse a mother’s partiality, I am sure—but I think I never saw her look so lovely, so mournfully lovely, I should say, as when she was writing those last lines to the man who had so basely trifled with her. The tears came into my eyes as I looked at her sweet, pale cheeks; and I thought to myself——”

(“Nurse! which of the children was sick, last time, after eating onion sauce?”)

He had come back again!—the monster had come back again, from the very threshold of the garden gate, to shout that unwarrantable, atrocious question in at his nursery window!

Lady Malkinshaw bounced off her chair at the first note of his horrible voice, and changed toward me instantly—as if it had been my fault—in the most alarming and most unexpected manner. Her ladyship’s face became awfully red; her ladyship’s head trembled excessively; her ladyship’s eyes looked straight into mine with an indescribable fierceness.

“Why am I thus insulted?” inquired Lady Malkinshaw, with a slow and dignified sternness which froze the blood in my veins. “What do you mean by it?” continued her ladyship, with a sudden rapidity of utterance that quite took my breath away.

Before I could remonstrate with my friend for visiting her natural irritation on poor, innocent me, before I could declare that I had seen the major actually open his garden gate to go away, the provoking brute’s voice burst in on us again.

“Ha, yes?” we heard him growl to himself in a kind of shameless domestic soliloquy. “Yes, yes, yes—Sophy was sick, to be sure. Curious. All Mrs. Namby’s stepchildren have weak chests and strong stomachs. All Mrs. Namby’s own children have weak stomachs and strong chests. _I_ have a strong stomach _and_ a strong chest. Pamby!”

“I consider this,” continued Lady Malkinshaw, literally glaring at me in the fulness of her indiscriminate exasperation—“I consider this to be unwarrantable and unladylike. I beg to know——”

“Where’s Bill?” burst in the major from below, before she could add another word. “Matilda! Nurse! Pamby! where’s Bill? I didn’t bid Bill good-by—hold him up at the window, one of you.”

“My dear Lady Malkinshaw,” I remonstrated, “why blame _me_? What have I done?”

“Done?” repeated her ladyship. “Done? All that is most unfriendly, most unwarrantable, most unladylike, most——”

“Ha! ha! ha-a-a-a!” roared the major, shouting her ladyship down, and stamping about the garden in fits of fond paternal laughter. “Bill, my boy, how are you? There’s a young Turk for you! Pull up his frock—I want to see his jolly legs——”

Lady Malkinshaw screamed and rushed to the door. I sank into a chair, and clasped my hands in despair.

“Ha! ha! ha-a-a-a! What calves the dog’s got! Pamby! look at his calves. Aha! bless his heart, his legs are the model of his father’s! The Namby build, Matilda; the Namby build, every inch of him! Kick again, Bill—kick out, like mad. I say, ma’am! I beg your pardon, ma’am——”

_Ma’am?_ I ran to the window. Was the major actually daring to address Lady Malkinshaw, as she passed indignantly, on her way out, down my front garden? He was! The odious monster was pointing out his—his, what shall I say?—his _undraped_ offspring to the notice of my outraged visitor.

“Look at him, ma’am. If you’re a judge of children, look at him. There’s a two-year-older for you! Ha! ha! ha-a-a-a! Show the lady your legs, Bill—kick out for the lady, you dog, kick out!”

THE WORLD’S MOST REMARKABLE STREETS.

While Europe Has the Most Aristocratic, the Cleanest, and the Most
Beautiful, the United States Has the Highest and the Most Wealthy.

There is always interest in the superlative. The biggest things, the smallest things, the ugliest and the most graceful are important only when compared with the rest of their kind. Every city in the world has its attractive roads and streets as well as its ugly ones.

The highest street in the world is Main Street, In Denver; the richest
is Fifth Avenue, in New York City; the widest is Market Street, in
Philadelphia; and the shortest is the Rue Blé in Paris.

The dirtiest street is that of Tchangsti, in Nankin; the cleanest is
the Via Castile, in Seville, Spain; the most aristocratic one is
Grosvenor Place, in London; the most beautiful is the Avenue des
Champs Elysées, Paris. The narrowest street is the Via Sol, Havana,
Cuba, which has a width of only forty-two inches.

Little Glimpses of the 19th Century.[3]

The Great Events in the History of the Last One Hundred Years, Assembled
so as to Present a Nutshell Record.

_Compiled and edited for_ THE SCRAP BOOK.

Footnote 3:

Began March SCRAP BOOK. Single copies, 10 cents.

EIGHTH DECADE.

POPULATION—Washington, D. C., 109,199; Chicago, 298,977; New York
(including boroughs now forming Greater New York), 1,469,045; New York
(Manhattan), 942,292; London, 3,251,804; United States, 38,558,371;
Great Britain and Ireland, 31,672,678. World population,
1,310,000,000.

RULERS—The same as in the previous year, except that in Spain Amadeus
is made king, and in France Napoleon III falls with the empire.

✷ ✷ ✷ ✷

[Sidenote: =1871=]

In the United States, a great fire in Chicago destroys a large portion of the city; property loss, one hundred and ninety million five hundred and twenty-six thousand dollars; several hundred people are killed, and over one hundred thousand are rendered homeless; area burned, three and a half square miles. In the same month, October, vast fires rage in northern Wisconsin, Michigan, and Minnesota, with appalling loss of life. A commission of British and American statesmen meets In Washington and frames a treaty with reference to the claims of the United States against Great Britain for damage done during the Civil War by the Confederate cruiser Alabama and other Confederate vessels built and equipped in English ports; by terms of treaty the question is submitted to a board of arbitration to convene at Geneva next year. In New York, the corrupt Tweed ring is broken up, and its head, William M. Tweed, arrested and held in two million dollars bail. Under authority of Congress, President Grant takes steps to promote improvement in the Civil Service; he appoints a commission under George W. Curtis (see 1873). An act of Congress creates the Centennial Commission representing all States and Territories: it is authorized to prepare for a great international exhibition at Philadelphia in 1876, in celebration of the nation’s centennial anniversary. Passage of the Force Bill to suppress the “Kuklux Klan” in the South. Death of George Ticknor, American writer and philologist; Alice and Phœbe Cary, poets; Robert Anderson, American soldier, the defender of Fort Sumter. Immigration, 321,350; exports, $442,820,178.

In England, the system of purchasing commissions and promotions in the army is abolished, and also the requirements of religious tests in the universities of Oxford and Cambridge. Russia gives notice that she will no longer be held by the treaty made after the Crimean War, under which she abrogated naval rights in the Black Sea; England and other powers acquiesce. Death of Sir John Herschel, astronomer, and of George Grote, historian and philosopher.

In France, the siege of Paris is ended by capitulation and armistice, pending formation of a government to negotiate peace with the victorious Germans. A National Assembly, selected by popular vote, meets at Bordeaux and selects M. Thiers as “executive head” of the Republic with a coalition cabinet representing the several factions. M. Thiers negotiates peace by which Germany annexes Alsace, except the city of Belfort, and a part of Lorraine (Treaty of Frankfort); indemnity to Germany, one billion dollars; German troops to occupy France pending its final payment. M. Thiers now made President of the French Republic. Meantime, civil war breaks out in Paris, and the Commune is established with a reign of bloodshed, cruel reprisals, and wanton destruction of property; burning of the Tuileries, the Louvre, Hôtel de Ville, and leveling of the Vendôme Column; barbarous murder of the hostages, including Archbishop Darboy. Commune is finally quelled after bombardment, assault, and capture of city by French Government troops; leaders of Commune executed; lives lost during the conflict, fourteen thousand. The Mont Cenis tunnel is opened for traffic, thus piercing the barrier of the Alps between France and Italy. Death of Auber, French composer.

In Spain, Minister Serrano having resigned, King Amadeus first appoints Zorilla and then Sagasta in his place. The excellent qualities of King Amadeus fail to compensate for his being a foreigner, while his honesty of purpose alienates him from all political factions. Meantime, the Alfonsists and Carlists organize their hostility and raise standard of war. In Germany, William I triumphantly returns to Berlin, after having been proclaimed Emperor of Germany in the palace of Versailles (see France). The first Reichstag of the new German Empire is formally opened. In Italy, the seat of government is transferred from Florence to Rome, the first Italian Government in Rome for many centuries. In Mexico, Juarez is again elected President, but by a small majority, owing to large following developed by General Diaz as a rival candidate. Diaz party in rebellion over result (see 1872). In Africa, Stanley, heading the New York _Herald_ expedition, finds Livingstone and relieves his wants.

RULERS—United States, Ulysses S. Grant, President; Great Britain,
Queen Victoria; France, L. Thiers, President; Spain, Amadeus; Germany,
William I; Russia, Alexander II; Italy, Victor Emmanuel; Austria,
Francis Joseph; Pope, Pius IX.

POPULATION—Washington, D. C., 109,199; New York (including boroughs
now forming Greater New York), 1,469,045; New York (Manhattan),
942,292; Chicago, 298,977; London, 3,351,804; United States,
38,558,371; Great Britain and Ireland, 31,672,678. World population,
estimated at 1,310,000,000.

✷ ✷ ✷ ✷

[Sidenote: =1872=]

In the United States, a general epidemic prevails among horses; business seriously crippled by it, and great financial loss. In Boston, a great fire destroys the business portion of the city; loss, seventy million dollars. General U. S. Grant, Republican, is reelected President; Henry Wilson, Vice-President; defeated candidate, Horace Greeley (Liberal Republican and Democratic parties). Congressional investigation of the Credit Mobilier corporation in connection with the building of the Pacific Railway; great scandal developed from the discovery that much of the Credit Mobilier stock is owned by members of Congress. The Geneva arbitrators award fifteen million five hundred thousand dollars damages to the United States for depredations committed during Civil War by Confederate cruisers built or equipped in England; and the Emperor of Germany arbitrates in favor of the United States in its contention with Great Britain for ownership of the San Juan Islands, between Washington Territory and Vancouver Island. Death of William H. Seward, American statesman; Horace Greeley, famous American journalist and editor; James Gordon Bennett, founder of the New York _Herald_; and Professor S. F. B. Morse, American inventor and father of the telegraph. Important inventions; the duplex telegraph perfected by Stearns; George Westinghouse, Jr., produces improved air-brake for trains (see 1869); Lyall Invents the “positive motion loom.” Immigration, 404,806; exports, $444,177,586.

In England, Stanley returns and publishes “How I Found Livingstone.” Deaths of Poole, English dramatist; Charles Lever, Irish novelist; Sir John Bowring, linguist and social politician. In France, the seat of government is transferred from Versailles to Paris. The government revokes the proscription of the Orleans and Bourbon princes. Death of Gautier, French novelist and essayist.

In Spain, Serrano again assumes ministry, but resigns because King Amadeus declines to encourage civil war by taking the aggressive against the Alfonsists and Carlists. Amadeus’s courage and coolness is exhibited strikingly amid conspiracies that surround him and warnings and attempts to assassinate him; but being surrounded by traitorous ministers and generals, with the army disorganized and rule in Spain under a constitution appearing to be impossible, the king at length decides to abdicate (see 1873). In Germany, the meeting in Berlin of the Emperors of Germany, Russia, and Austria establishes the “league of the three emperors” (Drelkaiserbund), thus assuring the peace of Europe and emphasizing the German capital as the pivot of European policy. Death of Feuerbach, German philosopher. In Mexico, a civil War is begun by General Diaz and his partisans, but it is ended by the sudden death of President Juarez from apoplexy. Lerdo de Tajada, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, assumes the Presidency; is subsequently elected, and tranquillity is restored.

RULERS—The same as in the previous year, with the exception that in
Sweden Charles XV dies, and is succeeded by his son as Oscar II.

✷ ✷ ✷ ✷

[Sidenote: =1873=]

A great commercial panic, originating in the New York stock market, sweeps the country (September 18 called the “Second Black Friday”). In New York City, the stock exchange is closed, and the clearing house suspends temporarily. Congress drops the standard silver dollar of four hundred and twelve and one-half grains from the list of coins. Death of Chief Justice Chase, American statesman and jurist; Agassiz, American scientist. General Ulysses S. Grant is again inaugurated President. Congress raises the salaries of its members and of officers of the government (act repealed 1874; called the “salary grab”). In New York City, the Brooklyn Suspension Bridge is begun. Great Britain pays to the United States fifteen million five hundred thousand dollars, the award under the Alabama claims. Alexander H. Stephens returns to Congress. Congress establishes one-cent postal cards. Spanish authorities capture an American steamer, the Virginius, suspected of conveying men and arms to Cuba; thirty Americans executed; great indignation and excitement throughout the United States; Spain tenders apology and surrenders vessel and surviving prisoners; indemnity paid (1875), eighty thousand dollars. Steady growth of the “Grangers” as a political factor. Congress refuses to make further appropriation for continuing work of the Civil Service Commission (see 1874). Organization of the “Farmers’ Alliance,” a cooperative agricultural society. Important inventions: the automatic self-binding harvester and the Janney automatic car-coupler. Immigration, 459,893; exports, $522,479,922.

In England, home rule for Ireland is agitated for the first time as an issue in politics and efforts are made to form a compact, well-guided Irish party in Parliament to press demand for legislative independence; the Irish Land League is organized. Gladstone endeavors to establish an Irish university on a non-sectarian basis, but finds the project unpopular and resigns. Disraeli declines to take the government, owing to personnel of House of Commons, and Gladstone resumes office. Death of Dr. Livingstone (in Africa), African explorer; Sir Edwin Landseer, English artist; Sir H. Holland, English physician and author; John S. Mill, English philosopher and economist.

In France, the last instalment of the billion-dollar war indemnity to Germany is paid, and all German troops are withdrawn from French soil. President Thiers, wearied of the controversies of seven political parties in the Chamber and the intrigues and hostility of the monarchists, tenders his resignation, which is accepted by a small majority in the assembly: great dismay and regret among the people at large. General MacMahon, favored by the monarchists, is elected President by the assembly; the Duc de Broglie, grandson of Mme. de Staël, is made Prime Minister. The monarchist majority negotiates with the Comte de Chambord, heir of the Bourbon kings (the so-called Henry V), who declines the throne, however, rather than govern under a constitution or “abandon the Bourbon White Flag for the Revolutionary Tri-Color.” The royalists now feel constrained to accept the Republic as the most feasible form of government for the time being, and gradually cooperate in strengthening it. Deaths of ex-Emperor Napoleon III, in exile; Balrot, French statesman; Guizot and Michelet, French historians.

In Germany, Baron Liebig, the great German chemist, dies, and also A. Rothschild, Hebrew banker (one of the five brothers), and Von Raumer, German historian. In Spain, King Amadeus communicates his abdication to the Cortes and leaves Spain, respected by the better class for chivalric bearing and honesty, but hated by masses because a foreigner. The Cortes now declares in favor of a republic, with Figueras as President, and Castelar foreign minister; but insurrections occur, and a new Ministry is formed. Castelar is made President amid such chaos that he proclaims temporary military rule. Insurrections of the Carlists, Alfonsists, and Communists are suppressed.

RULERS—The same as in the previous year, except that in Spain Amadeus
abdicates and a republic is proclaimed; Figueras, President, and later
Castelar, military dictator; in France M. Thiers resigns Presidency,
and is succeeded by General MacMahon.

✷ ✷ ✷ ✷

[Sidenote: =1874=]

In the United States, the Eads Bridge over the Mississippi River at Saint Louis is formally opened. In New York City, the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children is organized. In Germantown, Pennsylvania, Charlie Ross, aged four years, is kidnaped from his father’s home (has never been found). Death of Ezra Cornell, founder of Cornell University; ex-President Fillmore; Charles Sumner, American statesman and politician. Important inventions: the quadruplex telegraph (Edison); twine binder for harvesters (Gorham); the practical barbed-wire machine (Glidden and Vaughan). Immigration, 313,339; exports, $586,283,040.

In England, owing to a reaction against Liberal measures, Gladstone appeals to the country, promising abolition of the income tax and other tax reductions, but the national elections result favorably for the Conservatives; Gladstone resigns and Disraeli forms new government. Termination of the celebrated Tichborne trial, the longest known in England. In Spain, the Cortes votes a “lack of confidence,” and Castelar resigns. The military, however, disperse the Cortes, and a military dictatorship is formed under Marshal Serrano; European powers, except Russia, recognize his government; the warfare against the Carlists and Alfonsists is prosecuted with indifferent success. Finally army officers, led by General Campos, declare for Alfonso, son of ex-Queen Isabella (deposed); Serrano resigns, and a ministerial regency notifies Isabella of the elevation of her son to the throne.

RULERS—The same as in the previous year, except that in Spain Serrano
succeeds Castelar as dictator.

✷ ✷ ✷ ✷

[Sidenote: =1875=]

In the United States, two rival State governments in Louisiana maintain civil war and distract the State and nation (see 1877). Passage of new Civil Rights Bill (see 1883). Congress provides for the gradual resumption of specie payments; act becomes effective, 1879. Death of Henry Wilson, Vice-President of the United States; ex-President Andrew Johnson, and John C. Breckenridge. In Massachusetts, the Hoosac Tunnel is opened to traffic. In Louisiana, Captain Eads begins the work of deepening the channel of the South Pass of the Mississippi River, and in New York City the work of excavation under the dangerous reef of Hell Gate is completed; forty-seven thousand four hundred and sixty-one cubic yards of rock removed (see 1876). In Massachusetts, centenary celebrations of the battles of Lexington and Bunker Hill are held. Many government officials indicted for connection with the swindles of the “whisky ring.” Important inventions: illuminating gas made from water (Lowe); ice machine; sulphuric acid plant; cash-carriers for stores (Brown); artificial ice skating-rinks (Gamgee). Immigration, 227,498; exports, $513,442,711.

In England, the shares of the Suez Canal owned by the Khedive of Egypt (amounting to nearly one-half interest) are purchased for four million pounds, in order that England may protect her interests in the route to India; the money is advanced by the Rothschilds. Departure of polar expedition under Captain Nares (see 1876). Death of Arthur Helps, English essayist and dramatist.

In France, the Constitution of the Republic is finally adjusted, and a parliamentary body established (Senate and Chamber of Deputies); Gambetta is leader of the “Left” or Republican division. Death of Quinet, French author. In Turkey, the provinces of Bosnia and Herzegovina revolt against the intolerable abuses of Turkish rule under Abdul Aziz. In Germany, civil marriage legalized throughout the empire. In Spain, the Bourbons regain power, Alfonso, son of Isabella II, being crowned king under title of Alfonso XII. Canovas del Castillo is made regent, and prosecutes attempts to suppress the Carlists.

RULERS—The same as in the previous year, except that in Spain Alfonso
XII becomes king.

✷ ✷ ✷ ✷

[Sidenote: =1876=]

In the United States, this, the centennial year of national existence, is opened with a general celebration all over the country. Visit of Dom Pedro II, Emperor of Brazil, and the empress. The great national Centennial Exhibition of arts and industries opens in Fairmount Park, Philadelphia, and surpasses all previous world’s fairs of every land. Massacre of General Custer and two hundred and seventy-six men of the Seventh Cavalry by the Sioux Indians under Sitting Bull, near the Little Big Horn River, Montana. Appearance of the Greenback party. Rutherford B. Hayes (Republican) elected President, and William A. Wheeler Vice-President. Defeated candidate, Samuel J. Tilden (Democrat). The result is held to be doubtful, owing to existence of dual governments in Louisiana, South Carolina, Florida, and Georgia, and a complication in Oregon; decision is referred to Electoral Commission appointed by Congress; decision for Mr. Hayes, March, 1877. In New York City, the first wire is stretched between the towers of the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blowing up and removal of part of the great reef at Hell Gate is successfully accomplished. Colorado is admitted to Statehood. Death of A. T. Stewart, New York merchant. In Brooklyn, New York, the burning of the Brooklyn Theater causes a loss of over three hundred lives (performance, Kate Claxton in “The Two Orphans”). Important inventions: the articulating telephone (Professor Alexander Graham Bell); hydraulic dredges (Bowers and others); machinery for making cigarettes; photography by electric light (Vander Weyde); the electric pen (Edison); steam-feed for saw-mill carriages; cable cars introduced (Hallidie). Commercial failures for year, 9,092; liabilities, $191,117,786. Immigration, 169,986; exports, $540,384,671.

In England, Disraeli secures passage of an act conferring upon Queen Victoria the title of Empress of India. News of the unspeakable atrocities committed under Turkish misrule in Bulgaria creates great excitement and indignation, but Disraeli, distrustful of Russian designs on Turkish territory, endeavors to adhere to a policy of non-interference. Gladstone, emerging from retirement, denounces Turkish oppression, condemns Disraeli’s inaction, and urges that the Ottoman Government “be turned out of Europe, bag and baggage.” A conference of great powers is held at Constantinople, England being represented by Lord Salisbury. Turkey rejects proposals of the congress, and Russia declares war as champion of the Christian Church (Greek).

In France, President MacMahon, as a political experiment, but against inclination, selects M. Jules Simon, Republican, from the ranks of the “Left” as Prime Minister in place of De Broglie, resigned. M. Simon organizes a new cabinet. Death of Aurore Dudevant (“George Sand”), French novelist. In Spain, the Carlists are at last subdued; Don Carlos escapes to France. A newly elected Cortes adopts new constitution providing for legislative bodies controlled by popular vote, also for freedom of the press, religion, and unions.

In Turkey, a conspiracy costs the sultan his throne, and, shortly after, his life; he is succeeded by Neurad V, and he in turn by Abdul Hamid II. Revolt extends to Servia, Bulgaria, and Montenegro; massacres of native Christians, pillage and destruction of valuable property. European powers remonstrate and urge reforms. Turks suppress revolt in Bulgaria, using measures of extreme cruelty and authorizing massacres by the Bashi-Bazouks (semi-organized banditti). In Germany, the movement is begun which ultimately results in transference of railroads to ownership of the separate states. Death of Ehrenberg, German naturalist. In Mexico, a rebellion breaks out and Diaz joins it, forcing President Lerdo into exile. Diaz becomes provisional President.

RULERS—The same as in the previous year.

✷ ✷ ✷ ✷

[Sidenote: =1877=]

In the United States, Rutherford B. Hayes is inaugurated President. The conflict in Louisiana between rival State governments is settled by the President in favor of Nicholls’s government (Democratic). President Hayes withdraws last of Federal troops from the South. Pennsylvania and West Virginia suffer from great railway strike and riots; in Pittsburgh, much property is destroyed and many lives are lost; freight and passenger service demoralized, and militia has to quell riot; strike unsuccessful. Death of Brigham Young, religionist and head of the Mormon Church. The “trade dollar” ceases to be a legal tender. Execution of John D. Lee, convicted of complicity in the Mountain Meadow Massacre (1857). Ex-President Grant sails from New York upon a tour around the world. Death of J. L. Motley, American historian. Manifestations in California against the immigration and the labor of the Chinese (see 1888); much general agitation this year over the rights of labor. Important inventions: the phonograph (Edison); the gas-engine (Otto); the Sawyer-Man electric lamp; transmitter for telephone (Berliner); carbon microphone (Edison); discovery of the two satellites of planet Mars (Hall). Immigration, 141,857; exports, $602,475,220.

In England, a war feeling develops against Russia; jealousy and alarm felt over her conquests in Turkey; origin of “jingoism.” A fleet is sent through the Dardanelles as a “demonstration” against Russia. Some disaffected burghers of the Transvaal (the South African Republic) invite England to annex their country. This is formally accomplished, and the annexation persisted in by England despite much controversy in Parliament (see 1880).

In France, M. Simon, being reproached by the President for radical tendencies, resigns as Prime Minister, together with the Cabinet. The President challenges criticism by dissolving the Chamber of Deputies and appealing to a national election, but a strong Republican majority is returned. Death of ex-President Thiers, French patriot and statesman. A French physicist, M. Cailletet, accomplishes the liquification of oxygen, hydrogen, and other gases; Pictet, in Switzerland, does the same. Invention of the Jablochkoff electric candle, and the chain and sprocket device for bicycles.

In Turkey, the Porte rejects the proposals of the conference at Constantinople, including its demands for the protection of Christian provinces, and Russia declares war against Turkey, announcing herself as the defender and protector of the Christians. Russian troops enter Rumania and cross the Danube; they capture Nicopolis and garrison, but at Plevna the heroic defense of the garrison of Turks against nearly two hundred thousand Russians and Rumanians lasts five months, the Russians failing entirely to carry the place by assault. The garrison of forty thousand men finally surrenders because of famine, and Turkish resistance collapses. In Mexico, General Porfirio Diaz is proclaimed constitutional President by the Mexican Congress, for term ending 1880. In Italy, Schiaparelli (astronomer) discovers the “canals” of Mars.

RULERS—The same as in the previous year, except that in the United
States Rutherford B. Hayes succeeds Ulysses S. Grant as President.

✷ ✷ ✷ ✷

[Sidenote: =1878=]

In the United States, a great yellow fever epidemic spreads through the Southern States. Congress passes, over the President’s veto, the Bland-Allison Silver Bill, requiring the purchase monthly by the Secretary of the Treasury of between two and four million dollars’ worth of silver bullion for coinage (repealed, 1890). The silver dollar of four hundred and twelve and one-half grains is made a legal tender. Edison produces a perfected electric light for general use. Death of William Cullen Bryant, American poet, and of Bayard Taylor, American poet, essayist, and traveler. Important inventions: the carbon filament for incandescent electric lamp (Edison); Sholes’s typewriter perfected by E. Remington & Sons; the yielding spinning spindle bearing and the Gessner cloth-finishing press; gelatine emulsion dry plate introduced. Immigration, 138,469; exports, $694,865,766.

In England, protest is made by Disraeli against the Russo-Turkish treaty of San Stefano, and English diplomacy and firmness forces Russian consent to a congress of the five great powers at Berlin for settlement of terms. The Berlin congress cedes Island of Cyprus to England as her share of the spoils of the Russo-Turkish War, and yields to other demands of England. Disraeli returns from the congress, having brought back “peace with honor” and secured a great diplomatic triumph for England; height of Disraeli’s power. He and Bismarck the two greatest men in the world at this time (see 1881–1884). The Ameer of Afghanistan having rebuffed a British diplomatic mission, a force of English troops invades the country. Flight and death of the Ameer, Shere Ali; his son and successor, Yakoub Khan, submits to English treaty terms (see 1879). Death of Princess Alice.

In France, a great international exhibition is held in Paris. In Germany, the Congress of Berlin meets under the presidency of Prince Bismarck and modifies and revises the treaty terms of Russia with Turkey. Death of Petermann, German geographer. In Italy, King Victor Emmanuel and Pope Pius IX die within a few days of each other. At the last the Pope generously forgets their strife and differences, and sends the viaticum (eucharist) to the dying king. Victor Emmanuel is succeeded by his son, Humbert I; the Pope is succeeded by Cardinal Pecci, as Leo XIII. Rise of Crispi to prominence and power in the Italian Cabinet. In Mexico, under President Diaz, a stronger and abler government begins to develop; his consolidation of power secures domestic peace (see 1880). In Chile, a serious dispute arises with Bolivia and Peru with reference to northern boundary line (see 1879).

RULERS—The same as in the previous year, except that in Italy Victor
Emmanuel is succeeded by Humbert I; Pope Pius IX is succeeded by
Cardinal Pecci, as Leo XIII.

✷ ✷ ✷ ✷

[Sidenote: =1879=]

In the United States, James Gordon Bennett, proprietor of the New York _Herald_, proffers the government a ship, the Jeannette, for a voyage of Arctic exploration via Bering Strait; offer accepted, and the Jeannette sails from San Francisco. Specie payments are resumed. Death of William Lloyd Garrison, noted abolitionist and reformer, and of Caleb Cushing, statesman, jurist, and diplomat. Quinine placed on free list. Publication of Henry George’s “Progress and Poverty,” advocating the “single tax” theory. Captain Eads completes the improvements assuring better navigation of lower Mississippi. Important inventions: Lee magazine rifle; blasting gelatine (Nobel), an explosive more powerful than dynamite or gunpowder; “Standard” bicycle perfected. Immigration. 177,826; exports, 710,439,441.

In Afghanistan, the British resident at Kabul, Sir Louis Cavagnari, is murdered; the British forces prepare to renew the campaign. An expedition sent against the Zulus in Southeast Africa for repeated attacks on British settlers. Zulus subdued, and their chief, Cetywayo, captured. The Prince Imperial of France killed by Zulus while serving in English cavalry.

In France, President MacMahon, disapproving of certain changes in the army corps, resigns and the Senate and Chamber elect M. Jules Grévy (Republican) as his successor. Gambetta succeeds Grévy as president of the Chamber of Deputies, and Waddington becomes Prime Minister. M. Jules Ferry, Minister of Education, begins an agitation to exclude the Jesuits and all “unauthorized orders” from teaching in France; much bitter agitation. The Bonapartist cause suffers by the death of the young prince imperial. In Germany, great economic changes are wrought by Bismarck, including notable increase in tariff. In Sweden, news received that Nordenskjöld, Arctic explorer, had reached the Northeast Passage. In Chile, war against Bolivia and Peru declared; naval struggle watched with world-wide interest as being the first between modern iron-clads; Chilean fleet victorious; Bolivian and Peruvian army almost annihilated at Dolores (see 1880).

RULERS—The same as in the previous year, except that in France
President MacMahon is succeeded by Jules Grévy.

✷ ✷ ✷ ✷

[Sidenote: =1880=]

In the United States, owing to a deadlock between Ulysses S. Grant and James G. Blaine, the Republican National Convention nominates a “dark horse,” James A. Garfield, who is elected President, with Chester A. Arthur Vice-President; defeated candidates, Winfield S. Hancock and William H. English, Democrats. Popular vote. 4,454,416 to 4,444,952; electoral vote, 214 to 155. Samuel J. Tilden had declined the Democratic nomination. Important inventions: the magnetic ore concentrator (Edison); hammerless gun (Greener); spinning spindle (Rabbeth); the “Rover” bicycle (Starley), the first of the “safeties.” Public debt reduced to $1,915,594,813; commerce, $14,760,000,000; immigration, 457,257; exports $835,638,658 (nearly double that of 1871).

In England, unpopularity of the Zulu and Afghan wars, depression of trade, and bad harvests develop dissatisfaction with Disraeli’s government, and the elections for a new Parliament result in Liberal victory; Disraeli resigns, and Gladstone, the “Grand Old Man,” again becomes Prime Minister. The Transvaal revolts against English régime and proclaims restoration of free Republic (see 1881).

In France, a general amnesty is proclaimed toward all political exiles, Including those who had been Communists. The first annual celebration of the fall of the Bastile (July 14). Suppression of the Jesuit schools, and restrictions passed upon religious orders. France annexes the Society Islands. Invention of the electric storage battery (Faure). In Germany, the great Cathedral of Cologne, begun in the year 1248, is completed. Diplomatic relations are renewed between Germany and the Papal See. In Afghanistan, a British force is defeated at Maiwand, but General Roberts retrieves the situation by his march to Kandahar. Abdurrahman, nephew of Shere Ali, is installed as ameer, and the insurrection raised by a rival claimant, Ayoub Khan, suppressed. In Mexico, Diaz’s term as President ends, and he is peaceably succeeded by Manuel Gonzalez (see 1884). In Chile, the United States Minister succeeds in bringing about negotiations for peace between Chile and Bolivia and Peru (see 1881). In Spain, the Cortes passes a law for the gradual abolition of slavery in Cuba during the next eight years.

RULERS—The same as previous year.

POPULATION—Washington, D. C., 147,293; New York (including boroughs
now forming Greater New York), 1,935,367; New York (Manhattan),
1,206,299; Chicago, 503,185; London, 3,834,194; United States,
50,155,783; Great Britain and Ireland, 34,868,648. World population,
estimated at 1,433,000,000.

Whatever is in any way beautiful hath its source of beauty in itself,
and is complete in itself; praise forms no part of it. So it is none
the worse nor the better for being praised.—=Marcus Aurelius.=
(121–180.)

FROM THE LIPS OF ANANIAS.

These Little Tales Illustrate How a Good Lie, Well Told, Is Far More
Honest Than That Polite But Hypocritical Invention Which Is Known as
“Fiction Founded on Fact.”

A FISHERMAN’S REVENGE.

Enos Wilson, an enthusiastic fisherman from Brockton, Massachusetts, who is here on his spring vacation, is receiving the congratulations of his friends.

While out fishing in a canoe lately Enos got a bite from a dogfish. The dogfish bit the bottom out of the canoe and also carried away a portion of Mr. Wilson’s trousers.

This so enraged the doughty fisherman that he threw away his rod and line, and, jumping into the water, swam after the fish, overtaking it and holding it under the water until it was drowned.

The dogfish weighed nineteen and a quarter pounds on its own scales. It was a fresh-water dogfish and very vicious.—_Boston Post._

FELINE INGENUITY.

Short—I thought you were going to drown that cat?

Long—Well, they say a cat has nine lives, but this one has twenty, I think. Why, I actually put that cat into a tub of water and tied a brick round its neck; and what do you think?

Short—Goodness knows.

Long—Well, this morning when I went to look at the tub the cat had swallowed all the water and was sitting on the brick.—_Answers._

AN UNLIMITED EXPRESS.

“Trains in the South travel awfully slow,” said Robert Hathaway, of Atlanta, at the Plankinton House, “but it’s a base libel to say that conductors will stop trains to accommodate passengers who wish to pick flowers by the wayside.

“I was riding on a Central Georgia train about forty miles out in Campbell County, when the train came to a standstill. I could tell the train had stopped because I was looking out of the window at the time.

“When the conductor came through I asked the cause of the stop, and found it was a cow on the track. We started up, and had rumbled along several miles when it came to another stop.

“‘What’s the matter now,’ I called to the conductor, out of the window, ‘another cow?’

“‘Naw,’ he said disgustedly, ‘same cow.’”—_Milwaukee Sentinel._

A STORY IN STONE.

A Yankee traveling in England listened for some time to a crowd of men talking together about the wonders they had seen in other lands. While others expressed surprise at what they heard, the Yankee remained passive, and he even yawned when others were working up to a high pitch of excitement. At length one of the travelers said to him:

“Have you anything in your country so superior and so much more wonderful that you could tell about?”

“Waal, I just have,” drawled the Yankee. “There’s hundreds of more wonderful things over in Ameriky that we don’t pay no heed to.”

“Do you mean Niagara Falls and the Mammoth Cave and such things?” said one.

“Pshaw! We don’t count caves, nor waterfalls, nor burning mountains, nor boiling springs, though we can beat creation in such things. Say, did any of you fellows hear of the petrified forest in Arizony?—hundreds of thousands of acres of stone forests!”

“And the trees standing?”

“The trees standing? Waal, I should say so; and not only standing, but all in leaf and some of ’em in blossom, and others, again, full of nuts and other fruit, all turned into stone, mind you.”

“And I suppose there were birds in the trees?” sneered one.