Chapter X: Part II: | Indulgence (5)

For these and other reasons I shall set out for London
to-morrow, having found by experience that the country
is not a place for a person of my temper, who does not
love jollity, and what they call "good neighbourhood." (25)
A man that is out of humour when an unexpected guest
breaks in upon him, and does not care for sacrificing an
afternoon to every chance comer; that will be the master
of his own time and the pursuer of his own inclinations;
makes but a very unsociable figure in this kind of life. I
shall therefore retire into the town, if I may make use of
that phrase, and get into the crowd again as fast as I can,
in order to be alone. I can there raise what speculations
I please upon others without being observed myself, and (173: 5)
at the same time enjoy all the advantages of company
with all the privileges of solitude. In the meanwhile, to
finish the month, and conclude these my rural speculations,
I shall here insert a letter from my friend Will
Honeycomb, who has not lived a month for these forty (10)
years out of the smoke of London, and rallies me after
his way upon my country life.

"DEAR SPEC,--I suppose this letter will find thee picking of
daisies, or smelling to a lock of hay, or passing away thy time in
some innocent country diversion of the like nature. I have, (15)
however, orders from the club to summon thee up to town, being all of
us cursedly afraid thou wilt not be able to relish our company after
thy conversations with Moll White and Will Wimble. Pr'ythee
don't send us up any more stories of a cock and a bull, nor frighten
the town with spirits and witches. Thy speculations begin to smell (20)
confoundedly of woods and meadows. If thou dost not come up
quickly, we shall conclude that thou art in love with one of Sir
Roger's dairy-maids. Service to the knight. Sir Andrew is grown
the cock of the club since he left us, and if he does not return
quickly will make every mother's son of us Commonwealth's men. (25)

"Dear Spec, thine eternally,

"WILL HONEYCOMB."
C.

XXV. THE JOURNEY TO LONDON

[No. 132. Wednesday, August 1, 1711. STEELE.]

Qui aut tempus quid postulet non videt, aut plura loquitur, aut
se ostentat, aut eorum quibuscum est rationem non habet, is ineptus
esse dicitur.

TULL.

Having notified to my good friend Sir Roger that I
should set out for London the next day, his horses were
ready at the appointed hour in the evening; and attended
by one of his grooms, I arrived at the county town at
twilight, in order to be ready for the stage-coach the day (174: 5)
following. As soon as we arrived at the inn, the servant
who waited upon me inquired of the chamberlain, in my
hearing, what company he had for the coach. The fellow
answered, "Mrs. Betty Arable, the great fortune, and the
widow, her mother; a recruiting officer,--who took a (10)
place because they were to go; young Squire Quickset,
her cousin,--that her mother wished her to be married
to; Ephraim, the Quaker, her guardian; and a gentleman
that had studied himself dumb from Sir Roger de
Coverley's." I observed, by what he said of myself, that (15)
according to his office, he dealt much in intelligence;
and doubted not but there was some foundation for his
reports of the rest of the company, as well as for the
whimsical account he gave of me.

The next morning at daybreak we were all called; and
I, who know my own natural shyness, and endeavour to
be as little liable to be disputed with as possible, dressed
immediately, that I might make no one wait. The first
preparation for our setting out was, that the captain's (175: 5)
half-pike was placed near the coachman, and a drum
behind the coach. In the meantime the drummer, the
captain's equipage,[124] was very loud that none of the captain's
things should be placed so as to be spoiled; upon
which his cloak bag was fixed in the seat[125] of the coach; (10)
and the captain himself, according to a frequent though
invidious[126] behaviour of military men, ordered his man to
look sharp that none but one of the ladies should have
the place he had taken fronting to the coach-box.

[124] Humorously used of the captain's one attendant, the drummer.

[125] _I.e_. in the box under the seat.

[126] Presuming, offensive because presuming.

We were in some little time fixed in our seats, and (15)
sat with that dislike which people not too good-natured
usually conceive of each other at first sight. The coach
jumbled us insensibly into some sort of familiarity, and
we had not moved above two miles when the widow asked
the captain what success he had in his recruiting. The (20)
officer, with a frankness he believed very graceful, told
her that indeed he had but very little luck, and had suffered
much by desertion, therefore should be glad to end
his warfare in the service of her or her fair daughter.
"In a word," continued he, "I am a soldier, and to be (25)
plain is my character; you see me, madam, young, sound,
and impudent; take me yourself, widow, or give me to
her; I will be wholly at your disposal. I am a soldier of
fortune, ha!" This was followed by a vain laugh of his
own, and a deep silence of all the rest of the company.
I had nothing left for it but to fall fast asleep, which I did (176: 5)
with all speed. "Come," said he, "resolve upon it, we
will make a wedding at the next town: we will wake this
pleasant companion who has fallen asleep, to be the bride-man,
and,"--giving the Quaker a clap on the knee,--he
concluded, "this sly saint, who, I'll warrant, understands (10)
what's what as well as you or I, widow, shall give
the bride as father."

The Quaker, who happened to be a man of smartness,[127]
answered, "Friend, I take it in good part that thou hast
given me the authority of a father over this comely and (15)
virtuous child; and I must assure thee that if I have the
giving her, I shall not bestow her on thee. Thy mirth,
friend, savoureth of folly; thou art a person of a light
mind; thy drum is a type of thee,--it soundeth because
it is empty. Verily, it is not from thy fullness, but thy (20)
emptiness, that thou hast spoken this day. Friend, friend,
we have hired this coach in partnership with thee, to carry
us to the great city; we cannot go any other way. This
worthy mother must hear thee if thou wilt needs utter
thy follies; we cannot help it, friend, I say; if thou wilt, (25)
we must hear thee: but, if thou wert a man of understanding,
thou wouldst not take advantage of thy courageous
countenance to abash us children of peace. Thou
art, thou sayest, a soldier; give quarter to us, who cannot
resist thee. Why didst thou fleer at our friend, who
feigned himself asleep? He said nothing, but how dost
thou know what he containeth? If thou speakest improper
things in the hearing of this virtuous young virgin, consider (177: 5)
it is an outrage against a distressed person that
cannot get from thee: to speak indiscreetly what we are
obliged to hear, by being hasped up with thee in this
public vehicle, is in some degree assaulting on the high
road." (10)

[127] Acuteness, quick wit.

Here Ephraim paused, and the captain, with an happy
and uncommon impudence,--which can be convicted
and support itself at the same time,--cries, "Faith,
friend, I thank thee; I should have been a little impertinent
if thou hadst not reprimanded me. Come, thou (15)
art, I see, a smoky[128] old fellow, and I'll be very orderly
the ensuing part of the journey. I was going to give
myself airs; but, ladies, I beg pardon."

[128] Quizzical, humorous: "to smoke" one, in the slang of the day, was
to quiz or ridicule. See the word in No. XXIX, page 199.

The captain was so little out of humour, and our company
was so far from being soured by this little ruffle, that (20)
Ephraim and he took a particular delight in being agreeable
to each other for the future, and assumed their different
provinces in the conduct of the company. Our
reckonings, apartments, and accommodation fell under[129]
Ephraim; and the captain looked to all disputes on the (25)
road,--as the good behaviour of our coachman, and the
right we had of taking place as going to London of all
vehicles coming from thence.

[129] Fell under the charge of.

The occurrences we met with were ordinary, and very
little happened which could entertain by the relation of
them; but when I considered the company we were in, I (178: 5)
took it for no small good fortune that the whole journey
was not spent in impertinences, which to one part of us
might be an entertainment, to the other a suffering.

What, therefore, Ephraim said when we were almost
arrived at London, had to me an air not only of good (10)
understanding, but good breeding. Upon the young
lady's expressing her satisfaction in the journey, and
declaring how delightful it had been to her, Ephraim
delivered himself as follows: "There is no ordinary part
of human life which expresseth so much a good mind, (15)
and a right inward[130] man, as his behaviour upon meeting
with strangers, especially such as may seem the most
unsuitable companions to him: such a man, when he
falleth in the way with persons of simplicity and innocence,
however knowing he may be in the ways of men, (20)
will not vaunt himself thereof; but will the rather hide
his superiority to them, that he may not be painful unto
them. My good friend," continued he, turning to the
officer, "thee and I are to part by and by,[131] and peradventure
we may never meet again; but be advised by a (25)
plain man; modes and apparel are but trifles to the real
man, therefore do not think such a man as thyself terrible
for thy garb, nor such a one as me contemptible for
mine. When two such as thee and I meet, with affections
as we ought to have towards each other, thou
shouldst rejoice to see my peaceable demeanour, and I
should be glad to see thy strength and ability to protect
me in it." T. (179: 5)

[130] Genuine.

[131] Shortly, presently.

XXVI. SIR ROGER AND SIR ANDREW IN
ARGUMENT

[No. 174. Wednesday, Sept. 19, 1711. STEELE.]

Haec memini et victum frustra contendere Thyrsin.

VIRG.

There is scarce anything more common than animosities
between parties that cannot subsist but by their
agreement: this was well represented in the sedition of
the members of the human body in the old Roman fable.
It is often the case of lesser confederate states against a (10)
superior power, which are hardly held together, though
their unanimity is necessary for their common safety; and
this is always the case of the landed and trading interest
of Great Britain: the trader is fed by the product of the
land, and the landed man cannot be clothed but by the (15)
skill of the trader; and yet those interests are ever
jarring.

We had last winter an instance of this at our club, in
Sir Roger de Coverley and Sir Andrew Freeport, between
whom there is generally a constant, though friendly, opposition
of opinions. It happened that one of the company,
in an historical discourse, was observing that Carthaginian
faith was a proverbial phrase to intimate breach of leagues.
Sir Roger said it "could hardly be otherwise; that the (180: 5)
Carthaginians were the greatest traders in the world, and
as gain is the chief end of such a people, they never
pursue any other,--the means to it are never regarded.
They will, if it comes easily, get money honestly; but if
not, they will not scruple to attain it by fraud, or cozenage. (10)
And, indeed, what is the whole business of the trader's
account, but to overreach him who trusts to his memory?
But were that not so, what can there great and noble be
expected from him whose attention is forever fixed upon
balancing his books, and watching over his expenses? (15)
And at best let frugality and parsimony be the virtues of
the merchant, how much is his punctual dealing below a
gentleman's charity to the poor, or hospitality among his
neighbours?"

Captain Sentry observed Sir Andrew very diligent in (20)
hearing Sir Roger, and had a mind to turn the discourse,
by taking notice, in general, from the highest to the lowest
parts of human society, there was "a secret though
unjust way among men of indulging the seeds of ill-nature
and envy by comparing their own state of life to that of (25)
another, and grudging the approach of their neighbour to
their own happiness: and on the other side, he who is the
less at his ease, repines at the other who, he thinks, has
unjustly the advantage over him. Thus the civil and
military lists look upon each other with much ill-nature:
the soldier repines at the courtier's power, and the courtier
rallies the soldier's honour; or, to come to lower
instances, the private men in the horse and foot of an
army, the carmen and coachmen in the city streets, mutually (181: 5)
look upon each other with ill-will, when they are in
competition for quarters or the way, in their respective
motions."[132]

[132] _I.e_. the soldiers competing for quarters, the carmen and
coachmen for right of way in the narrow streets.

"It is very well, good captain," interrupted Sir Andrew;
"you may attempt to turn the discourse if you think fit; (10)
but I must, however, have a word or two with Sir Roger,
who, I see, thinks he has paid me off, and been very severe
upon the merchant. I shall not," continued he, "at this
time remind Sir Roger of the great and noble monuments
of charity and public spirit which have been erected by (15)
merchants since the Reformation, but at present content
myself with what he allows us,--parsimony and frugality.
If it were consistent with the quality of so ancient a baronet
as Sir Roger to keep an account, or measure things
by the most infallible way, that of numbers, he would (20)
prefer our parsimony to his hospitality. If to drink so
many hogsheads is to be hospitable, we do not contend
for the fame of that virtue; but it would be worth while
to consider whether so many artificers at work ten days
together by my appointment, or so many peasants made (25)
merry on Sir Roger's charge, are the men more obliged?
I believe the families of the artificers[133] will thank me more
than the households of the peasants shall Sir Roger. Sir
Roger gives to his men, but I place mine above the necessity
or obligation of my bounty. I am in very little pain
for the Roman proverb upon the Carthaginian traders; the (182: 5)
Romans were their professed enemies. I am only sorry
no Carthaginian histories have come to our hands; we
might have been taught, perhaps, by them some proverbs
against the Roman generosity, in fighting for and bestowing
other people's goods. But since Sir Roger has taken (10)
occasion from an old proverb to be out of humour with
merchants, it should be no offence to offer one not quite
so old in their defence. When a man happens to break[134]
in Holland, they say of him that 'he has not kept true
accounts.' This phrase, perhaps, among us would appear (15)
a soft or humorous way of speaking; but with that exact
nation it bears the highest reproach. For a man to be
mistaken in the calculation of his expense, in his ability
to answer future demands, or to be impertinently[135] sanguine
in putting his credit to too great adventure, are all (20)
instances of as much infamy as, with gayer nations, to be
failing in courage or common honesty.

[133] Workmen, mechanics.

[134] To fail, become bankrupt.

[135] Unwarrantably.

"Numbers are so much the measure of everything that
is valuable, that it is not possible to demonstrate the success
of any action, or the prudence of any undertaking, (25)
without them. I say this in answer to what Sir Roger
is pleased to say, that 'little that is truly noble can be
expected from one who is ever poring on his cashbook or
balancing his accounts.' When I have my returns from
abroad, I can tell to a shilling by the help of numbers the
profit or loss by my adventure; but I ought also to be
able to show that I had reason for making it, either from (183: 5)
my own experience or that of other people, or from a
reasonable presumption that my returns will be sufficient
to answer my expense and hazard: and this is never to be
done without the skill of numbers. For instance, if I am
to trade to Turkey, I ought beforehand to know the demand (10)
of our manufactures there, as well as of their silks
in England, and the customary prices that are given for
both in each country. I ought to have a clear knowledge
of these matters beforehand, that I may presume upon
sufficient returns to answer the charge of the cargo I have (15)
fitted out, the freight and assurance out and home, the
custom to the queen,[136] and the interest of my own money,
and besides all these expenses, a reasonable profit to
myself. Now what is there of scandal in this skill?
What has the merchant done that he should be so little (20)
in the good graces of Sir Roger? He throws down no
man's enclosure, and tramples upon no man's corn; he
takes nothing from the industrious labourer; he pays the
poor man for his work; he communicates[137] his profit with
mankind; by the preparation of his cargo, and the manufacture (25)
of his returns, he furnishes employment and subsistence
to greater numbers than the richest nobleman;
and even the nobleman is obliged to him for finding out
foreign markets for the produce of his estate, and for
making a great addition to his rents:[138] and yet it is certain
that none of all these things could be done by him
without the exercise of his skill in numbers.

[136] The tariff, or duty.

[137] Shares.

[138] Returns, income.

"This is the economy of the merchant; and the conduct (184: 5)
of the gentleman must be the same, unless by
scorning to be the steward, he resolves the steward shall
be the gentleman. The gentleman, no more than the
merchant, is able, without the help of numbers, to account
for the success of any action, or the prudence of any (10)
adventure. If, for instance, the chase is his whole adventure,
his only returns must be the stag's horns in the
great hall and the fox's nose upon the stable door.
Without doubt Sir Roger knows the full value of these
returns; and if beforehand he had computed the charges (15)
of the chase, a gentleman of his discretion would certainly
have hanged up all his dogs; he would never have
brought back so many fine horses to the kennel; he
would never have gone so often, like a blast, over fields
of corn. If such, too, had been the conduct of all his (20)
ancestors, he might truly have boasted, at this day, that
the antiquity of his family had never been sullied by a
trade; a merchant had never been permitted with his
whole estate to purchase a room for his picture in the
gallery of the Coverley's, or to claim his descent from the (25)
maid of honour. But 'tis very happy for Sir Roger that
the merchant paid so dear for his ambition. 'Tis the
misfortune of many other gentlemen to turn out of[139] the
seats of their ancestors to make way for such new masters
as have been more exact in their accounts than themselves;
and certainly he deserves the estate a great deal
better who has got it by his industry, than he who has
lost it by his negligence." T. (185: 5)

[139] To vacate, be turned out of.

XXVII. SIR ROGER IN LONDON

[No. 269. Tuesday, January 8, 1712. ADDISON.]

Aevo rarissima nostro
Simplicitas.

OVID.

I was this morning surprised with a great knocking at
the door, when my landlady's daughter came up to me
and told me that there was a man below desired to
speak with me. Upon my asking her who it was, she
told me it was a very grave, elderly person, but that she (10)
did not know his name. I immediately went down to
him, and found him to be the coachman of my worthy
friend, Sir Roger de Coverley. He told me that his master
came to town last night, and would be glad to take a turn
with me in Gray's Inn Walks. As I was wondering in (15)
myself what had brought Sir Roger to town, not having
lately received any letter from him, he told me that his
master was come up to get a sight of Prince Eugene,
and that he desired I would immediately meet him.

I was not a little pleased with the curiosity of the old
knight, though I did not much wonder at it, having heard
him say more than once in private discourse that he
looked upon Prince Eugenio--for so the knight always
calls him--to be a greater man than Scanderbeg. (186: 5)

I was no sooner come into Gray's Inn Walks, but I
heard my friend upon the terrace hemming twice or
thrice to himself with great vigour, for he loves to clear
his pipes in good air, to make use of his own phrase,
and is not a little pleased with any one who takes notice (10)
of the strength which he still exerts in his morning hems.

I was touched with a secret joy at the sight of the good
old man, who before he saw me was engaged in conversation
with a beggar-man that had asked an alms of him.
I could hear my friend chide him for not finding out (15)
some work; but at the same time saw him put his hand
in his pocket and give him sixpence.

Our salutations were very hearty on both sides, consisting
of many kind shakes of the hand, and several affectionate
looks which we cast upon one another. After (20)
which the knight told me my good friend his chaplain
was very well, and much at my service, and that the
Sunday before he had made a most incomparable sermon
out of Doctor Barrow. "I have left," says he, "all my
affairs in his hands, and being willing to lay an obligation (25)
upon him, have deposited with him thirty marks, to be
distributed among his poor parishioners."

He then proceeded to acquaint me with the welfare of
Will Wimble. Upon which he put his hand into his fob
and presented me, in his name, with a tobacco stopper,
telling me that Will had been busy all the beginning of
the winter in turning great quantities of them, and that
he made a present of one to every gentleman in the
country who has good principles and smokes. He added (187: 5)
that poor Will was at present under great tribulation, for
that Tom Touchy had taken the law of him for cutting
some hazel sticks out of one of his hedges.

Among other pieces of news which the knight brought
from his country-seat, he informed me that Moll White (10)
was dead; and that about a month after her death the
wind was so very high that it blew down the end of one
of his barns. "But for my own part," says Sir Roger,
"I do not think that the old woman had any hand in
it." (15)

He afterwards fell into an account of the diversions
which had passed in his house during the holidays; for
Sir Roger, after the laudable custom of his ancestors,
always keeps open house at Christmas. I learned from
him that he had killed eight fat hogs for this season, that (20)
he had dealt about his chines very liberally amongst his
neighbours, and that in particular he had sent a string of
hog's-puddings[140] with a pack of cards to every poor family
in the parish. "I have often thought," says Sir Roger,
"it happens very well that Christmas should fall out in (25)
the middle of the winter. It is the most dead, uncomfortable
time of the year, when the poor people would
suffer very much from their poverty and cold if they had
not good cheer, warm fires, and Christmas gambols to
support them. I love to rejoice their poor hearts at this
season, and to see the whole village merry in my great
hall. I allow a double quantity of malt to my small beer,
and set it a running for twelve days to every one that calls (188: 5)
for it. I have always a piece of cold beef and a mince-pie
upon the table, and am wonderfully pleased to see my
tenants pass away a whole evening in playing their innocent
tricks, and smutting one another. Our friend Will
Wimble is as merry as any of them, and shows a thousand (10)
roguish tricks upon these occasions."

[140] Sausages.

I was very much delighted with the reflection of my old
friend, which carried so much goodness in it. He then
launched out into the praise of the late Act of Parliament
for securing the Church of England, and told me, (15)
with great satisfaction, that he believed it already began
to take effect, for that a rigid Dissenter, who chanced to
dine at his house on Christmas day, had been observed to
eat very plentifully of his plum-porridge.

After having dispatched all our country matters, Sir (20)
Roger made several inquiries concerning the club, and
particularly of his old antagonist, Sir Andrew Freeport.
He asked me with a kind of smile whether Sir Andrew
had not taken advantage of his absence to vent among
them some of his republican doctrines; but soon after, (25)
gathering up his countenance into a more than ordinary
seriousness, "Tell me truly," says he, "don't you think
Sir Andrew had a hand in the Pope's Procession?" But
without giving me time to answer him, "Well, well," says
he, "I know you are a wary man, and do not care to talk
of public matters."

The knight then asked me if I had seen Prince Eugenio,
and made me promise to get him a stand in some convenient
place, where he might have a full sight of that (189: 5)
extraordinary man, whose presence does so much honour
to the British nation. He dwelt very long on the praises
of this great general, and I found that, since I was with
him in the country, he had drawn many observations
together out of his reading in Baker's _Chronicle_, and (10)
other authors who always lie in his hall window, which
very much redound to the honour of this prince.

Having passed away the greatest part of the morning
in hearing the knight's reflections,[141] which were partly
private and partly political, he asked me if I would smoke (15)
a pipe with him over a dish of coffee at Squire's. As I
love the old man, I take delight in complying with everything
that is agreeable to him, and accordingly waited on
him to the coffee-house, where his venerable figure drew
upon us the eyes of the whole room. He had no sooner (20)
seated himself at the upper end of the high table, but he
called for a clean pipe, a paper of tobacco, a dish of
coffee, a wax candle, and the _Supplement_, with such an
air of cheerfulness and good humour that all the boys in
the coffee-room--who seemed to take pleasure in serving (25)
him--were at once employed on his several errands;
insomuch that nobody else could come at a dish of tea
till the knight had got all his conveniences about him.

[141] Correct the careless grammar. L.

XXVIII. SIR ROGER IN WESTMINSTER ABBEY

[No. 329. Tuesday, March 18, 1712. ADDISON.]

Ire tamen restat Numa quo devenit et Ancus.

HOR.

My friend Sir Roger de Coverley told me t'other night,
that he had been reading my paper upon Westminster
Abbey, "in which," says he, "there are a great many
ingenious fancies." He told me, at the same time, that
he observed I had promised another paper upon the (190: 5)
tombs, and that he should be glad to go and see them
with me, not having visited them since he had read history.
I could not at first imagine how this came into the
knight's head, till I recollected that he had been very
busy all last summer upon Baker's _Chronicle_ which he (10)
has quoted several times in his disputes with Sir Andrew
Freeport since his last coming to town. Accordingly,
I promised to call upon him the next morning, that we
might go together to the Abbey.

I found the knight under his butler's hands, who (15)
always shaves him. He was no sooner dressed than he
called for a glass of the Widow Trueby's water, which
he told me he always drank before he went abroad. He
recommended me to a dram of it at the same time with
so much heartiness that I could not forbear drinking it. (20)
As soon as I had got it down, I found it very unpalatable;
upon which the knight, observing that I had made several
wry faces, told me that he knew I should not like it at
first, but that it was the best thing in the world against
the stone or gravel. I could have wished, indeed, that (191: 5)
he had acquainted me with the virtues of it sooner; but
it was too late to complain, and I knew what he had
done was out of good-will. Sir Roger told me, further,
that he looked upon it to be very good for a man, whilst
he stayed in town, to keep off infection; and that he got (10)
together a quantity of it upon the first news of the sickness
being at Dantzic. When, of a sudden, turning short
to one of his servants, who stood behind him, he bid him
call a hackney-coach, and take care it was an elderly man
that drove it. (15)

He then resumed his discourse upon Mrs. Trueby's
water, telling me that the Widow Trueby was one who
did more good than all the doctors and apothecaries in
the county; that she distilled every poppy that grew
within five miles of her; that she distributed her water (20)
gratis among all sorts of people: to which the knight
added that she had a very great jointure, and that the
whole country would fain have it a match between him
and her; "And truly," said Sir Roger, "if I had not
been engaged,[142] perhaps I could not have done better." (25)

[142] In what sense?

His discourse was broken off by his man's telling him
he had called a coach. Upon our going to it, after having
cast his eye upon the wheels, he asked the coachman
if his axle-tree was good; upon the fellow's telling him
he would warrant it, the knight turned to me, told me he
looked like an honest man, and went in without further
ceremony.

We had not gone far, when Sir Roger, popping out his (192: 5)
head, called the coachman down from his box, and upon
his presenting himself at the window, asked him if he
smoked; as I was considering what this would end in,
he bid him stop by the way at any good tobacconist's,
and take in a roll of their best Virginia. Nothing material (10)
happened in the remaining part of our journey till we
were set down at the west end of the Abbey.

As we went up the body of the church, the knight
pointed at the trophies upon one of the new monuments,
and cried out, "A brave man, I warrant him!" Passing (15)
afterwards by Sir Cloudesley Shovel, he flung his hand
that way, and cried, "Sir Cloudesley Shovel! a very gallant
man!" As we stood before Busby's tomb, the knight
uttered himself again after the same manner: "Dr. Busby--a
great man! he whipped my grandfather--a very (20)
great man! I should have gone to him myself if I had
not been a blockhead;--a very great man!"

We were immediately conducted into the little chapel
on the right hand. Sir Roger, planting himself at our
historian's[143] elbow, was very attentive to everything he (25)
said, particularly to the account he gave us of the lord
who had cut off the King of Morocco's head. Among
several other figures, he was very well pleased to see the
statesman Cecil upon his knees; and, concluding them
all to be great men, was conducted to the figure which
represents that martyr to good housewifery who died by
the prick of a needle. Upon our interpreter's telling us
that she was a maid of honour to Queen Elizabeth, the (193: 5)
knight was very inquisitive into her name and family; and
after having regarded her finger for some time, "I wonder,"
says he, "that Sir Richard Baker has said nothing
of her in his _Chronicle_."

[143] The guide, or verger.

We were then conveyed to the two coronation chairs, (10)
where my old friend, after having heard that the stone
underneath the most ancient of them, which was brought
from Scotland, was called Jacob's Pillar, sat himself down
in the chair, and looking like the figure of an old Gothic
king, asked our interpreter what authority they had to say (15)
that Jacob had ever been in Scotland. The fellow, instead
of returning him an answer, told him that he hoped his
honour would pay his forfeit.[144] I could observe Sir Roger
a little ruffled upon being thus trepanned;[145] but, our guide
not insisting upon his demand, the knight soon recovered (20)
his good humour, and whispered in my ear that if Will
Wimble were with us, and saw those two chairs, it would
go hard but he would get a tobacco-stopper out of one or
t'other of them.

[144] _I.e_. for sitting down in the chair.

[145] Snared, caught. It is more properly spelled trapanned, and is not
to be confused with the verb _trepan_, to remove a piece of the skull.

Sir Roger, in the next place, laid his hand upon Edward (25)
the Third's sword, and leaning upon the pommel of it,
gave us the whole history of the Black Prince; concluding
that, in Sir Richard Baker's opinion, Edward the Third
was one of the greatest princes that ever sat upon the
English throne. (194: 5)

We were then shown Edward the Confessor's tomb, upon
which Sir Roger acquainted us that he was the first who
touched for the evil; and afterwards Henry the Fourth's,
upon which he shook his head and told us there was fine
reading in the casualties of that reign. (10)

Our conductor then pointed to that monument where
there is the figure of one of our English kings without an
head; and upon giving us to know that the head, which
was of beaten silver, had been stolen away several years
since,--"Some Whig, I'll warrant you," says Sir Roger; (15)
"you ought to lock up your kings better; they will carry
off the body too, if you don't take care."

The glorious names of Henry the Fifth and Queen
Elizabeth gave the knight great opportunities of shining
and of doing justice to Sir Richard Baker, who, as our (20)
knight observed with some surprise, had a great many
kings in him whose monuments he had not seen in the
Abbey.

For my own part, I could not but be pleased to see the
knight show such an honest passion for the glory of his (25)
country, and such a respectful gratitude to the memory
of its princes.

I must not omit that the benevolence of my good old
friend, which flows out towards every one he converses
with, made him very kind to our interpreter, whom he
looked upon as an extraordinary man; for which reason
his shook him by the hand at parting, telling him that he
should be very glad to see him at his lodgings in Norfolk
Buildings, and talk over these matters with him more at (195: 5)
leisure. L.

XXIX. SIR ROGER AT THE PLAY

[No. 335. Tuesday, March 25, 1712. ADDISON.]

Respicere exemplar vitae morumque jubebo
Doctum imitatorem, et vivas hinc ducere voces.

HOR.

My friend Sir Roger de Coverley, when we last met
together at the club, told me that he had a great mind to
see the new tragedy with me, assuring me at the same
time that he had not been at a play these twenty years. (10)
"The last I saw," said Sir Roger, "was the _Committee_,
which I should not have gone to, neither, had not I been
told beforehand that it was a good Church of England
comedy." He then proceeded to inquire of me who this
distressed mother was; and upon hearing that she was (15)
Hector's widow, he told me that her husband was a brave
man, and that when he was a schoolboy he had read his
life at the end of the dictionary. My friend asked me,
in the next place, if there would not be some danger in
coming home late, in case the Mohocks should be abroad.
"I assure you," says he, "I thought I had fallen into their
hands last night, for I observed two or three lusty black[146]
men that followed me half way up Fleet Street, and
mended their pace behind me in proportion as I put on (196: 5)
to get away from them. You must know," continued the
knight, with a smile, "I fancied they had a mind to _hunt_
me, for I remember an honest gentleman in my neighbourhood
who was served such a trick in King Charles the
Second's time; for which reason he has not ventured himself (10)
in town ever since. I might have shown them very
good sport had this been their design; for, as I am an old
fox-hunter, I should have turned and dodged, and have
played them a thousand tricks they had never seen in
their lives before." Sir Roger added that if these gentlemen (15)
had any such intention they did not succeed very
well in it; "for I threw them out," says he, "at the end
of Norfolk Street, where I doubled the corner and got
shelter in my lodgings before they could imagine what
was become of me. However," says the knight, "if Captain (20)
Sentry will make one with us to-morrow night, and
if you will both of you call upon me about four o'clock,
that we may be at the house before it is full, I will have
my own coach in readiness to attend you, for John tells
me he has got the fore wheels mended." (25)

[146] Perhaps in black masks.

The captain, who did not fail to meet me there at the
appointed hour, bid Sir Roger fear nothing, for that he
had put on the same sword which he made use of at the
battle of Steenkirk. Sir Roger's servants, and among
the rest my old friend the butler, had, I found, provided
themselves with good oaken plants[147] to attend their master
upon this occasion. When he had placed him in his
coach, with myself at his left hand, the captain before (197: 5)
him, and his butler at the head of his footmen in the
rear, we convoyed him in safety to the playhouse, where,
after having marched up the entry in good order, the
captain and I went in with him, and seated him betwixt
us in the pit. As soon as the house was full and the (10)
candles lighted, my old friend stood up and looked about
him with that pleasure which a mind seasoned with humanity
naturally feels in itself at the sight of a multitude
of people who seem pleased with one another, and partake
of the same common entertainment. I could not (15)
but fancy to myself, as the old man stood up in the middle
of the pit, that he made a very proper centre to a
tragic audience. Upon the entering of Pyrrhus, the
knight told me that he did not believe the King of
France himself had a better strut. I was, indeed, very (20)
attentive to my old friend's remarks, because I looked
upon them as a piece of natural criticism; and was well
pleased to hear him, at the conclusion of almost every
scene, telling me that he could not imagine how the play
would end. One while he appeared much concerned for (25)
Andromache, and a little while after as much for Hermione;
and was extremely puzzled to think what would
become of Pyrrhus.

[147] Sticks, cudgels.

When Sir Roger saw Andromache's obstinate refusal
to her lover's importunities, he whispered me in the ear,
that he was sure she would never have him; to which he
added, with a more than ordinary vehemence, "You
can't imagine, sir, what 'tis to have to do with a widow!" (198: 5)
Upon Pyrrhus his[148] threatening afterwards to leave her,
the knight shook his head, and muttered to himself,
"Ay, do if you can." This part dwelt so much upon
my friend's imagination, that at the close of the third
act, as I was thinking of something else, he whispered (10)
in my ear, "These widows, sir, are the most perverse
creatures in the world. But pray," says he, "you that
are a critic, is the play according to your dramatic
rules, as you call them? Should your people in tragedy
always talk to be understood? Why, there is not a (15)
single sentence in this play that I do not know the
meaning of."

[148] This form of the possessive was still occasionally used when the
noun ended in s.

The fourth act very luckily begun before I had time to
give the old gentleman an answer. "Well," says the
knight, sitting down with great satisfaction, "I suppose (20)
we are now to see Hector's ghost." He then renewed
his attention, and, from time to time, fell a praising the
widow. He made, indeed, a little mistake as to one of
her pages, whom at his first entering he took for Astyanax;
but he quickly set himself right in that particular, (25)
though at the same time he owned he should have been
very glad to have seen the little boy, "who," says he,
"must needs be a very fine child by the account that is
given of him."

Upon Hermione's going off with a menace to Pyrrhus,
the audience gave a loud clap, to which Sir Roger added,
"On my word, a notable young baggage!" (199: 5)

As there was a very remarkable silence and stillness in
the audience during the whole action, it was natural for
them to take the opportunity of these intervals between
the acts to express their opinion of the players and of
their respective parts. Sir Roger, hearing a cluster of (10)
them praise Orestes, struck in with them, and told them
that he thought his friend Pylades was a very sensible
man; as they were afterwards applauding Pyrrhus, Sir
Roger put in a second time: "And let me tell you,"
says he, "though he speaks but little, I like the old fellow (15)
in whiskers as well as any of them." Captain Sentry,
seeing two or three wags who sat near us lean with an
attentive ear towards Sir Roger, and fearing lest they
should smoke[149] the knight, plucked him by the elbow,
and whispered something in his ear that lasted till the (20)
opening of the fifth act. The knight was wonderfully
attentive to the account which Orestes gives of Pyrrhus
his death, and, at the conclusion of it, told me it was such
a bloody piece of work that he was glad it was not done
upon the stage. Seeing afterwards Orestes in his raving (25)
fit, he grew more than ordinary serious, and took occasion
to moralize, in his way, upon an evil conscience, adding
that Orestes in his madness looked as if he saw something.

[149] Ridicule, chaff.

As we were the first that came into the house, so we
were the last that went out of it; being resolved to have
a clear passage for our old friend, whom we did not care
to venture among the justling of the crowd. Sir Roger
went out fully satisfied with his entertainment, and we (200: 5)
guarded him to his lodgings in the same manner that we
brought him to the playhouse; being highly pleased, for
my own part, not only with the performance of the
excellent piece which had been presented, but with the
satisfaction which it had given to the good old man. (10)
L.

XXX. WILL HONEYCOMB'S EXPERIENCES

[No. 359. Tuesday, April 22, 1712. BUDGELL.]

Torva leaena lupum sequitur, lupus ipse capellam;
Florentem cytisum sequitur lasciva capella.

VIRG.

As we were at the club last night, I observed that my
friend Sir Roger, contrary to his usual custom, sat very
silent, and instead of minding what was said by the company,
was whistling to himself in a very thoughtful mood,
and playing with a cork. I jogged Sir Andrew Freeport (15)
who sat between us; and as we were both observing him,
we saw the knight shake his head and heard him say to
himself, "A foolish woman! I can't believe it." Sir
Andrew gave him a gentle pat upon the shoulder, and
offered to lay him a bottle of wine that he was thinking
of the widow. My old friend started, and, recovering
out of his brown study, told Sir Andrew that once in his
life he had been in the right. In short, after some little
hesitation, Sir Roger told us, in the fullness of his heart, (201: 5)
that he had just received a letter from his steward, which
acquainted him that his old rival and antagonist in the
county, Sir David Dundrum, had been making a visit to
the widow. "However," says Sir Roger, "I can never
think that she'll have a man that's half a year older than (10)
I am, and a noted Republican into the bargain."

Will Honeycomb, who looks upon love as his particular
province, interrupting our friend with a jaunty laugh, "I
thought, knight," says he, "thou hadst lived long enough
in the world not to pin thy happiness upon one that is a (15)
woman and a widow. I think that without vanity I may
pretend to know as much of the female world as any man
in Great Britain, though the chief of my knowledge consists
in this,--that they are not to be known." Will
immediately, with his usual fluency, rambled into an (20)
account of his own amours. "I am now," says he,
"upon the verge of fifty" (though, by the way, we all
knew he was turned of threescore). "You may easily
guess," continued Will, "that I have not lived so long in
the world without having had some thoughts of settling (25)
in it, as the phrase is. To tell you truly, I have several
times tried my fortune that way, though I can't much
boast of my success.

"I made my first addresses to a young lady in the
country; but when I thought things were pretty well
drawing to a conclusion, her father happening to hear
that I had formerly boarded with a surgeon, the old put[150]
forbid me his house, and within a fortnight after married
his daughter to a fox hunter in the neighbourhood. (202: 5)

[150] Rustic, clown.

"I made my next applications to a widow, and attacked
her so briskly that I thought myself within a fortnight of
her. As I waited upon her one morning, she told me
that she intended to keep her ready money and jointure[151]
in her own hand, and desired me to call upon her attorney (10)
in Lyon's Inn, who would adjust with me what it was
proper for me to add to it. I was so rebuffed by this
overture that I never inquired either for her or her
attorney afterwards.

[151] Property or estate settled on a wife to be enjoyed after the
death of her husband.

"A few months after, I addressed myself to a young (15)
lady who was an only daughter and of a good family; I
danced with her at several balls, squeezed her by the
hand, said soft things, and, in short, made no doubt
of her heart; and, though my fortune was not equal
to hers, I was in hopes that her fond father would not (20)
deny her the man she had fixed her affections upon.
But, as I went one day to the house in order to break the
matter to him, I found the whole family in confusion, and
heard, to my unspeakable surprise, that Miss Jenny was
that very morning run away with the butler. (25)

"I then courted a second widow, and am at a loss to
this day how I came to miss her, for she had often commended
my person and behaviour. Her maid, indeed,
told me one day that her mistress had said she never
saw a gentleman with such a spindle pair of legs as Mr.
Honeycomb. (203: 5)

"After this I laid siege to four heiresses successively,
and being a handsome young dog in those days, quickly
made a breach in their hearts; but I don't know how it
came to pass, though I seldom failed of getting the daughter's
consent, I could never in my life get the old people (10)
on my side.

"I could give you an account of a thousand other unsuccessful
attempts, particularly of one which I made some
years since upon an old woman, whom I had certainly
borne away with flying colours if her relations had not come (15)
pouring in to her assistance from all parts of England;
nay, I believe I should have got her at last, had not she
been carried off by an hard frost."

As Will's transitions are extremely quick, he turned
from Sir Roger, and applying himself to me, told me (20)
there was a passage in the book I had considered last
Saturday which deserved to be writ in letters of gold;
and taking out a pocket Milton, read the following lines,
which are part of one of Adam's speeches to Eve after
the fall: (25)

"Oh! why did our
Creator wise, that peopled highest Heaven
With Spirits masculine, create at last
This novelty on Earth, this fair defect
Of Nature, and not fill the World at once (30)
With men as Angels, without feminine;
Or find some other way to generate
Mankind? This mischief had not then befallen,
And more that shall befall--innumerable
Disturbances on Earth through female snares, (204: 5)
And straight conjunction[152] with this sex. For either
He never shall find out fit mate, but such
As some misfortune brings him, or mistake;
Or whom he wishes most shall seldom gain,
Through her perverseness, but shall see her gained (10)
By a far worse, or, if she love, withheld
By parents; or his happiest choice too late
Shall meet, already linked and wedlock-bound
To a fell adversary, his hate or shame:
Which infinite calamity shall cause (15)
To human life, and household peace confound."

[152] Intimate union.

Sir Roger listened to this passage with great attention,
and desiring Mr. Honeycomb to fold down a leaf at the
place and lend him his book, the knight put it up in his
pocket, and told us that he would read over those verses (20)
again before he went to bed. X.

XXXI. SIR ROGER AT VAUXHALL

[No. 383. Tuesday, May 20, 1712. ADDISON.]

Criminibus debent hortos.

JUV.