Chapter XX (2)

His father was the pastor of the village of Greenwiesel, and had, as is only too much the case with the country clergy, a very scanty income. The boy received his first instruction in the Folks'-school of the place, and afterwards from his father, who, being an industrious man, contrived to spare so much time from the duties of his office, as was necessary to the due progress of his son. Private teachers he could not afford, nor the expense of his maintenance in a neighbouring town, so that he might attend the Gymnasium there. This was only an advantage to Stark, as he could not easily have enjoyed an education which was at once so well grounded, and so free from all pedantry, as that which his father gave him. An old officer who had long spent his pension in the village, and was a friend of the pastor's, spared no pains to instruct him in the mathematics, which he loved above all things. But the scholar listened with still more delight to his instructor when he talked to him of the armies in which he had served, and of the battles in which he had been engaged against the French. The intercourse with the old officer, and the books which he put into his hands, contributed not a little to inflame the boy's enthusiasm for liberty and Fatherland. With avidity he devoured the German history of Kohlrousch, and was accustomed then to rush forth into the wood, in order that he might stretch himself under the German oak, and felt altogether as German should. Nowhere was he so delighted to be, as abroad amid God's free nature; and as the other boys of the village could not understand his internal feelings and impulses, he was thus daily accustomed to roam about alone, which occasioned him many a reproof from his father. If it was fine weather, he used to take out his Tacitus with him, his favourite author, or he recited with a loud voice a passage from Ossian, of which the old officer had given him a German translation. Nothing, however, gave him greater pleasure than to battle with the winds; and the more it thundered and lightened, the more drenchingly poured down the rain, the more exulting was his feeling of the strength of his youth. When wet through, and looking wild, he returned home, his mother would clasp her hands in wonder at his foolishness, as she termed it. Yet she loved him extremely, as he on his part, above all things, loved his parents and his sister, and did every thing to please them that he could discern would be acceptable to them.

The first bitter tears that he shed, and bitter ones indeed they were, was when his old friend and instructor, the old officer, died. But a still greater misfortune soon befell him and his family. At the time that young Stark should have entered one of the higher classes of the Gymnasium of a neighbouring town, the old pastor was seized with an apoplectic stroke, as he returned from preaching. His speedy death spared him the painful reflection, that he left a widow and two uneducated children helpless in the world. The family removed to the next town, and there hired a poor dwelling in a small side street. The young Stark, who attended the Gymnasium, felt, indeed, that he must consider himself as the head of the family, and must provide for it. He discharged his duty in the most exemplary manner. Besides that, he received his school instruction free, he also enjoyed a stipend which was awarded him in consequence of his having passed a brilliant examination. It was very small indeed, but Stark knew how to circumscribe his wants. He laboured zealously, in order to advance as rapidly as possible, while at the same time he devoted every leisure hour to instruct a considerable number of boys in the city, in their elementary learning. With the united proceeds of this stipend and these labours he maintained his family; and thus, when he had toiled through the day as learner and teacher, the evening found him by his study-lamp, where he sate fixed till late in the night. But he was cheerful and contented. His strongly-grounded constitution enabled him to support these exertions, and the glad consciousness of being able to stand independent, and to provide for the necessities of his mother, and of one dearly beloved sister, made sweet to him that monotonous life.

Another removal of the little family was necessary when the young man went to the High School. For the rest, his family continued to live after that removal as they had done before, and Stark pursued his studies with double diligence, in order yet better to maintain them. His teachers in the university took an interest in the brave youth, and amongst the students he found congenial friends, who, more favoured by fortune, took a pleasure in procuring him many enjoyments of life, without touching too closely on the delicacy of his feelings. They visited him gladly in his modest room, where, besides the most necessary articles of furniture, there was nothing to be found but books, and some maps which he made use of in his studies, and which hung on the whitewashed walls. Yet was no one happier than he when he shared the frugal meal in the evening with his family, or with a friend chatted over a glass of beer and a pipe. He went very simply, but yet very neatly dressed. His tall, strong figure; that earnest, somewhat pale countenance, to which the slightly aquiline nose, the friendly, thoughtful eye, and a background of black whiskers, gave interest and effect, produced on the beholder a highly favourable impression. Every one with pleasure heard him speak, for his voice was strong and well-toned, his speech fluent, and when he became zealous, carried you irresistibly along with it. But when he sung, he affected every one. His bass voice was, however, too powerful for a small room. It made every window vibrate, and was, indeed, a voice made to sing the songs of German freedom under the German oak.

Cruelly did fate startle him out of this monotonous yet quiet and happy life. A nervous fever which then raged, snatched away his mother; and his only sister, who had been her true nurse on her sick bed, soon followed her. Stark was strongly bowed down by these severe losses. So much the more did he attach himself to a maiden, whom he had now known for some years, and to whom he had now been for half a year affianced.

The father of Emily, his promised bride, lived near the city. Emily had a very attractive person, was always merry and good-humoured, and possessed many good qualities; but was in the highest degree giddy and fickle. My friend would never admit the last characteristic. He was blind enough only to see in the maiden, noble and beautiful qualities, which he worshipped. But he came to be bitterly convinced to the contrary. A wealthy merchant's son, who just then was commencing business for himself, announced himself as a lover of Emily to her father. The father, although pleased with the proposal, yet gave his daughter free choice, and she was heartless enough to prefer the characterless, pretty, and glib-tongued merchant, to the poor Stark, who, since his recent trials, truly had become more grave, and might possibly have wearied her with many melancholy retrospections of his lost mother and sister. Emily shrunk from writing herself to my friend, but informed him, apparently in an unfeeling manner, through a third person, that the connexion must be broken off; and assigned as reasons, besides some other unimportant things, that her father was favourable to the pretensions of the other lover, and had forbid her to hope for his consent to a union with Stark.

Her father, who through the whole affair conducted himself as an honourable man, answered a letter which my friend addressed to him. This answer kept strictly to the truth; but at the same time expressed a wish that it might be the last; moreover, requesting the return of the letters of Emily. I will here communicate to you the letter which my friend wrote to the false one. He permitted me, as I was long the confidant of his attachment, and frequently the bearer of his letters, to take a copy of this, and also to show it to any good and tried friend. You may in it see the real nature of his character.

"Emily!--Thy father has requested me to renounce our verlobment; to break off the correspondence. I had already written to give him this assurance, but he had not the goodness to receive the letter. Consequently I have not given it him, and his will is for me no unconditional law.

"But thou appearest to be of the same mind, and thy wishes shall be sacred to me till my last breath. Fear not that I will embarrass thee with further importunities: only I cannot deny myself the melancholy pleasure, once more, in this last letter, to speak to thee from my heart. I will justify myself to thee, justify thou also thyself to thyself. My heart shall and must be silent: I have cause to fear that its language will no longer be understood; and I will not desecrate its sensibilities. It has for some time been my employment to read over again all thy letters with a bitter feeling. It is as if the lovely deception yet still played round my heart; as if it could not awake out of the sweet dream. I know many kinds of doubts, but none gives such a scorpion sting as the doubt with which thou hast inspired me. I have been happy,--happy in my vain belief! and I thank thee for it. Thou mayst be proud;--no other woman has made me so happy as thou. Thou mayst be very proud;--none can henceforward make me happy. Thou bringest me back to my old philosophy respecting the fair sex, and indeed at the right time.

"Emily, thou hast not dealt nobly, not honestly, with me, not wisely with thyself. Why hast thou not told me the truth? Thinkest thou that I shun the truth, even when it strikes me to the earth? I observed thy change immediately with the holiday. I ran to and fro, full of anguish, like one possessed. No greeting came from thee--no affectionate inquiry--no question after a letter, which I had, in fact, written seven times and tore again to pieces. My spirit was on the rack. Then informed me, Neuburg, that the connexion must cease; that thou wished it--thou! who only a fortnight before, sent me the most sacred protestations! Thy father had taken away all hope from thee; had menaced thee with his curse!

"Of all this nothing was true, as I learned from thy father's letter. What course, thinkest thou, then was left me to pursue in accordance with my character, but to write to thy father directly, as from thy messenger I must understand that he knew all. Hadst thou but said the truth to me, I should, after a short struggle, have returned every thing to thee.

"Thou complainest of my pride, and takest great pains to humble me. Perhaps thou mayst succeed; perhaps not. Thy father will receive no further letter from me; thy mother, none; thou thyself perhaps, none. That cannot humiliate me. I find my conduct tolerably consistent,--as consistent as a man in my state of mind can be.

"What shall I now do? It was thy desire,--thine, and thine only to break off. Thou wouldst have spared me, and thyself, and thy parents, many painful feelings, if thou hadst acted with somewhat more consideration. It seems as if thou hadst made it thy pleasure to wind up my sensibilities to such a height, in order then to make me feel my nothingness. Thou hast succeeded. The maiden who, but shortly before, hung on my neck, and prayed assurances of my truth, has now not once the courage to say that she loves me. I am too serious for gallantry; and thou hast wofully erred, if thou hast classed me amongst such men. It seems we have neither of us known each other, and need therefore make no complaints of each other. That I have disturbed thy peace, forgive me. That thou hast created in me so many beautiful hopes, only again to destroy them; that through thee my joys are dashed to the ground, that will I forgive thee; lament my simplicity, and again class thee amongst the ordinary crowd of maidens.

"Could I but do that, Emily, I should yet be happy enough. My seriousness has not pleased thee; and, in order to cure it, thou hast poured bitterness into it. I complain not of thy parents; they act according to their notions of duty; but how thou actest according to thy conception of duty, I cannot perceive. Thou hast neither acted towards thy father nor towards me as thou shouldst. The reasons which thy father gives are valid enough, as thou givest weight to them; but one thing more than all has struck me--it is called the fickleness of women.

"Thy father does thee justice. Emily, thou shouldst have been honest with me. I am not the man that will abuse the tender heart of a maiden. I challenge thee to speak the truth. Have I not been open-hearted with thee? Have I stolen thy affections? My whole soul hangs yet on thee, and never will it be able to loose itself from thee. If thou wert unworthy of me, would I weep and lament over thee? Tell me then candidly thy desires, and trust me that I have generosity enough to satisfy them all, even if it cost me my life. Thou canst charge nothing upon my honour. Thou would long ago have had thy letters, if thy father had not demanded them. He shall not receive them, but he shall read them if he desires it, for his own satisfaction and thy justification. Hast thou written any thing that thou art ashamed to acknowledge? Hast thou cause for shame? Then are we both to be pitied; thy father and I, and thou most of all. Then shall they, to extinguish all mistrust, be destroyed in thy presence. If I am reluctant to come into thy father's presence, yet I will not be ashamed before him. I am wont to compel respect, if indeed I can acquire no attachment. I can well imagine how many disadvantageous things people will tell thee at my expense. If thou canst believe them without examination, then, indeed, have I expended on thee every sentiment of my heart in vain. I pity thee in all my misery far more than myself, since I shall probably so long as I live continue a living reproof to thee. My conduct will be thy punishment. I assure thee, love, that I shall never lose thee out of my soul. I have with no other maiden stood in a nearer relationship. Thou art the only one that has firmly fixed herself in my heart. Go whither thou wilt, I shall bear thee with me to the grave. Thirty years hence thou wilt most probably hear from me exactly the same tone, if thou art by any circumstance reminded of me.

"Emily, thou shouldst have dealt more honestly with me. By God! I would have sacrificed every thing for thee. Wilt thou be happy when at thy wedding I sing a song of sorrow, that my friends may weep with me?

"Emily, I pray thee, for God's sake, by the happiness that thou yet hopest, be worthy of thyself: I cannot believe any thing bad of thy heart. Be the friend of thy father, if thou canst no longer be my beloved. If my kiss has not ennobled thee, then am I an outcast, or thou a creature without mind. Do nothing--nothing secret. What I did was done on thy account; otherwise I walk ever in the light. For my sake, also, show this letter to thy parents; I will not, when occasion requires it, conceal from them that I have written this letter.

"Allow me once more to deceive myself with the sweet delusion of the harmony of our souls. Thou hast destroyed a beautiful work, love, which thou shouldst not have done, or shouldst not have helped to build it up. Thou askest what I think, and not what I feel? I am infinitely sorrowful; and of what kind my affections are thou mayst read hereafter in my countenance. I may, perhaps, never again be so happy as to speak another syllable with thee, but my heart will accompany thee, since I am unchangeable!

"S. ----."

It is an old, old story,
Yet bides for ever new;
And he to whom it chances,
It breaks his heart in two.
_Heyne_.

It came not truly so far with my friend; but happiness of his life was for a long period destroyed: the manly and high-toned character of his mind, however, saved him from sinking permanently under the weight which would have prostrated many a one of equally sensitive and strongly-devoted temperament. But, as an English poet has said, he resolved not to sacrifice

His name of manhood to a myrtle shade.

The fervour of his passion for political liberty, his admiration of heroic actions, and his pride in his native country, were very near, in the excited state of his mind, leading him to involve himself in the grand but ill-digested plans of the Burschenschaft for the consolidation of Germany into one magnificent empire; and probably the blowing up of those plans by the government measures which followed on the wild deeds of Sand and others, just at that crisis, saved him from the fate which most probably would have awaited one so ardent and qualified to take a prominent part--flight, or exile, from his native country. Therefore, turning his eyes away from this hopeless track, he studied with renewed severity, passed a splendid examination, and soon after wrote a work on the German political constitution, which at once attracted attention, and excited the admiration of all the lawyers in Germany. It was soon translated into most of the languages of Europe, and brought him a call from the principal university of one of the first states of Germany, where he now occupies the chair of jurisprudence with the most splendid reputation. He is no less distinguished by the clearness and grasp of his reasoning powers, than by the eloquence of his style, by which he contrives to diffuse a charm and a life into the driest topics; and he is equally so for the liberality of his principles, and the ardent devotion of his mind to the liberties of mankind. He is beloved by the students who attend his lectures, for the affability of his manners, and by his cordial readiness on all occasions to give them his advice in any of their troubles or perplexities. Having himself fought his way through a narrow and a rugged path, he knows how to sympathize with others in the same circumstances. His triumphs over his own impediments have not inspired him with arrogance; nor the sorrows and disappointments of his dearest hopes seared his sensibilities, but on the contrary, softened and mellowed his heart. In public, he wears in his pale and grave countenance traces, not only of his native tone of mind, but of the shattering baptism of spirit that he has passed through; but in the social circle, though often on his first entrance silent and reserved, the warmth of his imagination and heart are sure to triumph over the sadness of habitual reflection; and he charms every one with the poetry and the animated references to the great deeds and great men of his Fatherland, that show you that he is still at heart the same as when he listened in breathless attention to the stories of the old officer, or sung out Ossian on the forest hills.

Of Emily, we have little to say. Hidden, herself, in the retirement of private life, she would have seen with an inextinguishable regret the splendid career and wide fame of the man whom she had abandoned, had she possessed a mind worthy of becoming the companion of such a man and of such a destiny; but the great error of Stark's life was that of investing a lovely but not high-minded woman, with the poetry and the magnanimity of his own spirit. But he himself is a striking example of the virtues, the talents, and the indefatigable labours by which many a German Professor fights his way out of narrow circumstances, and through the shades of native obscurity, into the broad light of fame and public usefulness. Such instances are not rare, and they----but, hear I right? it even now strikes twelve!

In confirmation of this was heard on all sides the reports of fire-arms.

"Prost Neu-Jahr! gentlemen," cried Freisleben. "Prost Neu-Jahr!" resounded they in reply. Freisleben declared that his story was at an end; they drank off their glasses _anstossing_ for the first time in the new year, and hurried into the street.

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