Chapter III: Act III

(Hallway of the DeSmythe house. Flowers on extra tables, cards attached. Door bell in vestibule rings constantly; flowers and packages arriving. Maude's picture hat, gloves and fan on chair. Mr. Bulbus on ladder, measuring the wall. Katherine enters and re-enters, with flowers and gifts. Miss Hoppenhoer flits in and out. Everybody nervous.)

_Katherine_ The bill's been a-ringin' all morning like that. (arranges flowers).

_Mr. B._ I should think you'd be tired. Ain't yer?

_Katherine_ No, it's as exciting as a wedding.

_Mr. B._ You wimmen like weddin's. I never see a woman as didn't.

_Katherine_ (wonderingly). Are you going to decorate the hall?

_Mr. B._ (largely). Of course,--palms and ropes of smilax--

(Enter Jack, carrying his hat and gloves.)

_Jack_ (agreeably). Good morning, Katherine. I let myself in, you not being a regiment. (Katherine goes). Good morning, Mr. Bulbus. You look pretty festive in here. (examines bouquets, reading cards aloud and commenting). "Compliments of Harold Taylor."--Umph, got them here in time, I should say. "With love of Edith."--girls always put on "with love of." "Wishing you a joyous day. Dick Dowell." That's nice of Dick, considering the late unpleasantness. "Lucile," of course; "Lucile" in white and gold! A girl couldn't graduate unless she had three 'Luciles' and a 'Maurine!' Golden Gate roses! Whew, that means dough! Professor Graham, I'll bet! He's got dough and cheek--

(Maude runs down the stairs.)

_Jack_ O, hello, Maude! (gives a long whistle). Aren't we fine? Swagger!

_Maude_ (imploringly). Jack, how do I look?

_Jack_ Turn around,--slowly. (Maude revolves very slowly.)

_Maude_ (anxiously). Well?

_Jack_ You look--you look--out of sight! By George, you do!

_Maude_ (caressing her dress skirt). You like the train?

(Mr. Bulbus gets down and goes out, unnoticed by Maude.)

_Jack_ It's splendid. You're a--a queen! I'd kiss you--

_Maude_ (startled). H-u-s-h! Mr. Bulbus!

_Jack_ (coolly). Oh, he's gone.

_Maude_ Goodness, what if he'd been there!

_Jack_ (comfortably). He wasn't.

_Maude_ (trying to see the back of her train in glass). But you didn't know it!

_Jack_ Don't you think I didn't know it! 'Spose I want to make the poor duffer green with envy? I can't kiss you anyway, you're too fine.

_Maude_ No, I can't even sit down! Jack, you look awfully handsome.

_Jack_ Thank you. Would you wear a rose?

_Maude_ Of course--one of Dick's. Nice of Dick, wasn't it? (gets one; puts it on; an operation requiring time and patience).

_Jack_ Don't leave so much green show. I want a contrast, not a study in tints.

_Maude_ Don't touch me! Hold your arms out straight.

_Jack_ (standing like a sign post). Then hurry up! I am not the stuff martyrs are made of.

_Maude_ Is that all right?

_Jack_ Stand off and get the effect. How can I tell?

_Maude_ (standing back). Put down your arms!

_Jack_ (obediently). Well?

_Maude_ (with enthusiasm). Perfectly lovely! My, I shall be proud of you! For pity's sake, don't look at me!

_Jack_ Can't help it.

_Maude_ I don't mean now--goosey! I mean when I read. If I should forget!

_Jack_ You won't! Keep your eye on Old South Church and--

_Maude_ On what?

_Jack_ I beg your pardon. On Miss Rantum.

_Maude_ Oh! It must be time,--where is everybody?

_Jack_ I'm here, (sits on arm of chair and gazes at her.)

_Maude_ O you, yes! But I mean mamma! I am so nervous!

_Jack_ You girls just try to be nervous. You think it's becoming.

(Enter Mrs. De Smythe, in black silk.)

_Mrs. De S._ The carriages have come. Where can Papa be?

_Maude_ (in dismay). O, it isn't time, is it? O horrors, where is my essay? Jack, please look in my desk.

(Jack dashes out.)

_Maude_ Mamma, is my hair all right?

_Mrs. De S._ Yes, Maudie, yes, (dismally) you look lovely.

(Jack dashes in, essay in hand.)

_Jack_ Here it is, but don't practice now.

_Maude_ (pacing the floor). "As a traveler, among the mighty mountains, fails to realize--to realize the heights to which he has climbed, so we, in Life's dusty pathway, cannot estimate the distance we have--we have,--cannot estimate the distance we have--" There, I knew I didn't know it! What shall I do?

_Jack_ (brilliantly). Open your manuscript.

(Katherine enters, with letters and small package.)

_Maude_ (unseeing, resumes). "Deep, deep are the mysteries of nature, infinite are--are--"

_Mrs. De S._ Maudie, here is a letter from Uncle John. (withholds package).

_Maude_ (drops essay). O, I wonder what he sent! Is this all!

_Mrs. De S._ Why, Maudie! Read it.

_Maude_ (tears it open; reads). "My dearest Niece: Hail to the happy day! 'Way down here in South Africa, 'mong monkeys and Boers, I feel the excitement. We don't graduate down here, but we know people who do. Never, I know, has the house of De Smythe been so shaken. In honor thereof, I am sending a--a--" O, goodness, I can't--"a diamond ring,"--a diamond! Hasn't it come?

_Mrs. De S._ Does he say when?

_Maude_ (referring to the letter). He says "I am sending--" Katherine is such a stupy! (calls). Katherine--

_Mrs. De S._ Maybe this is it. (gives package).

(Katherine comes with pink roses.)

_Maude_ O, O. O.! Isn't it a beauty! Jack, look!

_Jack_ (just glancing). Umph! Yes, I see.

_Maude_ Dear Uncle John! Everybody is so good! It's bigger than _Valeria_'s. Must I wear gloves? I don't care, I just won't.

_Mrs. De S._ Your roses, Maudie.

_Maude_ O, your roses, Jack! They're lovely!

_Jack_ (slowly). The red weren't pretty, so I got pink. I hope you'll--

_Maude_ (rapturously). I just love pink roses!

(Katherine comes in with a big package.)

_Maude_ (tearing away pink ribbons and tissue papers). "With Valeria's dearest love." A bonbon dish! Isn't it lovely! And violets on it!

_Jack_ (with a grimace). It will hold two pounds!

_Maude_ It isn't a bit too big! If you won't fill it--well, there are others. I'm forgetting my piece. "Deep, deep are the mysteries--"

_Jack_ Are you going to say it?

_Maude_ No, but I must really know it, you know, so I can look up often.

_Jack_ "O, I see clearly," said the blind man.

_Mrs. De S._ Dear, dear, this is just as if you were getting married! (sinks into a chair; she has been examining the flowers). The presents and the flowers and the carriages and--and everything. O, suppose you were--suppose you were!

_Maude_ (with intense indignation). But I'm not! I'm graduating!

_Jack_ (disconsolately). I don't think they're much alike!

_Mrs. De S. But where is Papa?

_Jack_ As I came, I saw him at the drug store.

_Mrs. De S._ The drug store! Why in the world--oh, I remember now,--I sent him. We'll never get off.

(Miss Hoppenhoer's voice is heard from somewhere, "O Jennie!")

_Mrs. De S._ (rising and collecting things dropped). I wonder what's happened now? I hope Papa isn't killed! (hurries out).

_Maude_ (gazing at her ring). Aren't my presents pretty?

_Jack_ Yes, but you are prettier.

_Maude_ (archly). Thank you, Mr. Hamilton, but aren't you a little rash? (holds roses to her face by way of contrast.)

_Jack_ (critically). No, I think not, on mature consideration. Your hair looks like gold--California gold, and those lovely lilies! Who gave you those lilies-of-the-valley? (suddenly).

_Maude_ (evasively). Why California gold?

_Jack_ O, it's redder, and then, it is a native product. You'd be mad if I said antique gold.

_Maude_ But do you like antique gold better?

_Jack_ That isn't the point. Who gave you those lilies?

_Maude_ Aren't they dear?

_Jack_ (cruelly). Don't know,--didn't buy 'em. Whose tribute are they?

_Maude_ "Tribute" sounds like a funeral.

_Jack_ (with awful meaning). There may be a funeral. Whose are they?

_Maude_ (demurely). Mine.

_Jack_ (with infinite patience). You know what I mean, (with terrible calmness). Who gave you those?

_Maude_ (preparing to cry). You're awfully cross, I think.

(Mr. Bulbus enters in rear hunting something. Maude sees him.)

_Jack_ (unmoved). Who gave you those?

_Maude_ (graciously, sweetly). Mr. Bulbus, the lilies are lovely.

_Mr. B._ (surprised into dropping a hammer). Yes'sum, I'm glad you--you like 'em. (retreats in confusion.)

_Jack_ Oh! (slowly). That's awfully nice of you.

(Enter Mrs. De Smythe and Miss Hoppenhoer, bonnets and gloves on.)

_Mrs. De S._ Where is your father? It's time to go.

_Jack_ Past time. Grindem said to be there at 9:30.

_Mrs. De S._ What shall we do? I knew he would be late! I hope I shall not have an attack!

_Miss H._ (grimly). No, I hope not--in that dress!

_Mrs. De S._ As if one's dress made any difference with an attack! O, there he is! Well, Papa, you--good morning, Madam.

(Mr. De Smythe and Madam Sateene come in together.)

_Mr. De S._ My, how fine we look!

_Maude_ Madam Sateene, this shoulder--wrinkles.

_Madam_ Let me see. (Madam and Maude consult apart.)

_Mrs. De S._ We ought to go.

_Mr. De S._ Miss Rantum hasn't come.

_Jack_ (looking up from his own Ms.) O, I forgot! Miss Baked Beans will meet us there. She couldn't come here.

_Maude_ She promised she would!

_Mr. De S._ All ready. How many of these do we take? (indicating flowers). Need a dray?

_Maude_ Only Jack's--and I carry them. Jack, you carry my essay and fan. (puts on hat). Is it straight? Where are my roses?

(Miss Hoppenhoer gives Mr. De Smythe two shawls and he goes.)

_Madam_ (anxiously). Wait one moment. (adjusts Maude's train). Now.

_Miss H._ Have you any lemon drops?

_Maude_ Of course not,--nobody carries lemon drops! Where is my handkerchief!

_Jack_ (sheepishly, taking it out of his vest). Here it is.

_Mr. De S._ (from door). Come on, you people.

_Mrs. De S._ O dear, dear, I shall never stand it.

_Miss H._ (collecting salts and fans). We're coming.

_Mrs. De S._ O dear,--kiss me, Maudie. (sits down exhausted). It's just like a wedding! I can't stand it! Some day you'll be getting married!

(Mr. Bulbus enters in the rear and just stands.)

_Jack_ (cheerfully). I hope so.

_Maude_ (arranging train to carry it gracefully). Poor Mamma!

_Mr. De S._ (from outside). Come on! Matilda, bring Mamma!

_Mrs. De S._ O, O, O!

_Maude_ Brace up, Mamma, you must.

_Mrs. De S._ (to her handkerchief). And only yesterday she was a baby!

_Miss H._ (snappishly.) And only day before yesterday you were!

_Mrs. De S._ (from outside). Come on--we must go.

_Chorus_ We're coming! (All start, collecting fans, handkerchiefs, and gathering up trains, adjusting bonnets anew, etc.)

_Maude_ (as they rush for the door). O, look out for my flowers! Jack, got my piece? I know I shall forget! What if we're late? Good-bye, Mr. Bulbus! (all go).

(Curtain drops on Mr. Bulbus, gazing after Maude in a sort of trance.)