Chapter IX: Charing Cross and Whitehall (2)

"Whereas six gentlemen (all of the same honourable profession),
having been more than ordinarily put to it for a little
pocket-money, did, on the 14th instant, in the evening, near
Kentish Town, borrow of two persons (in a coach) a certain sum
of money, without staying to give bond for the repayment: And
whereas fancy was taken to the hat, peruke, cravat, sword, and
cane, of one of the creditors, which were all lent as freely as
the money: these are therefore to desire the said six worthies,
how fond soever they may be of the other loans, to un-fancy the
cane again and send it to Well's Coffee House in Scotland Yard;
it being too short for any such proper gentlemen as they are to
walk with, and too small for any of their important uses; and
withal, only valuable as having been the gift of a
friend."[331]

Beau Fielding was thought worthy of record by Sir Richard Steele, as an extraordinary instance of the effects of personal vanity upon a man not without wit. He was of the noble family of Fielding, and was remarkable for the beauty of his person, which was a mixture of the Hercules and the Adonis. It is described as having been a real model of perfection. He married to his first wife the dowager Countess of Purbeck; followed the fortunes of James II., who is supposed to have made him a major-general and perhaps a count; returned and married a woman of the name of Wadsworth, under the impression that she was a lady of fortune; and, discovering his error, addressed or accepted the addresses of the notorious Duchess of Cleveland, and married her, who, on discovering her mistake in turn, indicted him for bigamy and obtained a divorce. Before he left England to follow James, "Handsome Fielding," as he was called, appears to have been insane with vanity. On his return, he had added, to the natural absurdities of that passion, the indecency of being old; but this only rendered him the more perverse in his folly. He always appeared in an extraordinary dress: sometimes rode in an open tumbril, of less size than ordinary, the better to display the nobleness of his person; and his footmen appeared in liveries of yellow, with black feathers in their hats, and black sashes. When people laughed at him, he refuted them, as Steele says, "by only moving." Sir Richard says he saw him one day stop and call the boys about him, to whom he spoke as follows:--

"Good youths,--Go to school, and do not lose your time in following my wheels: I am loth to hurt you, because I know not but you are all my own offspring. Hark ye, you sirrah with the white hair, I am sure you are mine, there is half-a-crown for you. Tell your mother, this, with the other half-crown I gave her ... comes to five shillings. Thou hast cost me all that, and yet thou art good for nothing. Why, you young dogs, did you never see a man before?" "Never such a one as you, noble general," replied a truant from Westminster. "Sirrah, I believe thee: there is a crown for thee. Drive on, coachman." Swift puts him in his list of Mean Figures, as one who "at fifty years of age, when he was wounded in a quarrel upon the stage, opened his breast and showed the wound to the ladies, that he might move their love and pity; but they all fell a laughing." His vanity, which does not appear to have been assisted by courage, sometimes got him into danger. He is said to have been caned and wounded by a Welsh gentleman, in the theatre in Lincoln's Inn Fields; and pressing forward once at a benefit of Mrs. Oldfield's, 'to show himself,' he trod on Mr. Fulwood, a barrister, who gave him a wound twelve inches deep. His fortune, which he ruined by early extravagance, he thought to have repaired by his marriage with Mrs. Wadsworth, and endeavoured to do so by gambling; but succeeded in neither attempt, and after the short-lived splendour with the Duchess of Cleveland, returned to his real wife, whom he pardoned, and died under her care. During the height of his magnificence, he carried his madness so far, according to Steele, as to call for his tea by beat of drum; his valet got ready to shave him by a trumpet to horse; and water was brought for his teeth, when the sound was changed to boots and saddle." If this looks like a jest, there is no knowing how far vanity might be carried, especially when the patient may cloak it from himself under the guise of giving way to a humour.[332]

Vanbrugh, comic poet, architect, and herald, was comptroller of the royal works. His house in Whitehall, built by himself, was remarkable for its smallness. Swift compared it to a goose-pie. On the other hand, his Blenheim and public buildings are ridiculed for their ponderous hugeness. The close of Dr. Evans's epitaph upon him is well known:--

Lie heavy on him earth, for he
Laid many a heavy load on thee.

When he was made Clarencieux king-at-arms, Swift said he might now "build houses." The secret of this ridicule was, that Vanbrugh was a Whig. Sir Joshua Reynolds has left the following high encomium on his merits as an architect. "In the buildings of Vanbrugh, who was a poet as well as an architect, there is a greater display of imagination than we shall find, perhaps, in any other; and this is the ground of the effect we feel in many of his works, notwithstanding the faults with which many of them are charged. For this purpose, Vanbrugh appears to have had recourse to some principles of the Gothic architecture, which, though not so ancient as the Grecian, _is more so to our imagination_, with which the artist is more concerned than with absolute truth." "To speak of Vanbrugh (adds Sir Joshua), in the language of a painter, he had originality of invention; he understood light and shadow, and had great skill in composition. To support his principal object, he produced his second and third groups or masses. He perfectly understood in his art, what is the most difficult in ours, the conduct of the back-ground, by which the design and invention are set off to the greatest advantage. What the back-ground is in painting, in architecture is the real ground on which the building is erected; and no architect took greater care that his work should not appear crude and hard; that is, that it did not abruptly start out of the ground without expectation or preparation. This is a tribute which a painter owes to an architect who composed like a painter, and was defrauded of the due reward of his merit by the wits of his time, _who did not understand the principles of composition in poetry better than he, and who knew little or nothing of what he understood perfectly--the general ruling principles of architecture and painting_. Vanbrugh's fate was that of the great Perrault. Both were the objects of the petulant sarcasms of factious men of letters, and both have left some of the fairest monuments which, to this day, decorate their several countries;--the façade of the Louvre; Blenheim, and Castle Howard."[333] Perrault, however, had a worse fate than Vanbrugh, for the Frenchman was ridiculed not only as an architect but as a man of letters, whereas our author's pretensions that way were acknowledged.

In the front of Scotland Yard an extraordinary adventure befell Lord Herbert of Cherbury--(_see_ Queen Street, Lincoln's Inn Fields), who relates it in a strain of coxcombry (particularly about the ladies) which would have brought discredit upon such a story from any other pen. There is no doubt, however, that the story is true.

"There was a lady," says his lordship, "wife to Sir John Ayres,
knight, who finding some means to get a copy of my picture from
Larkin, gave it to Mr. Isaac, the painter, in Blackfriars, and
desired him to draw it in little, after his manner; which being
done, she caused it to be set in gold and enamelled, and so
wore it about her neck so low that she hid it under her
breasts, which I conceive, coming afterwards to the knowledge
of Sir John Ayres, gave him more cause of jealousie than
needed, had he known how innocent I was from pretending to
anything that might wrong him or his lady, since I could not so
much as imagine that either she had my picture, or that she
bare more than ordinary affection to me. It is true, that as
she had a place in court, and attended Queen Anne, and was
beside of an excellent wit and discourse, she had made herself
a considerable person. Howbeit, little more than a common
civility ever passed betwixt us; though I confess I think no
man was welcomer to her when I came, for which I shall allege
this passage:--

"Coming one day into her chamber, I saw her through the
curtains lying upon her bed with a wax candle in one hand, and
the picture I formerly mentioned in the other. I coming
thereupon somewhat boldly to her, she blew out the candle and
hid the picture from me: myself thereupon being curious to know
what that was she held in her hand, got the candle to be
lighted again, by means whereof I found it was my picture she
looked upon with more earnestness and passion than I could
easily have believed, especially since myself was not engaged
in any affection towards her. I could willingly have omitted
this passage, but that it was the beginning of a bloody history
which followed: howsoever, yet I must before the eternal God
clear her honour. And now in court a great person sent for me
divers times to attend her; which summons, though I obeyed, yet
God knows I declined coming to her as much as conveniently I
could without incurring her displeasure; and this I did, not
only for very honest reasons, but, to speak ingenuously,
because that affection passed between me and another lady (who
I believe was the fairest of her time) as nothing could divert
it. I had not been long in London, when a violent burning fever
seized upon me, which brought me almost to my death, though at
last I did by slow degrees recover my health. Being thus upon
my amendment, the Lord Lisle, afterwards Earl of Leicester,
sent me word, that Sir John Ayres intended to kill me in my
bed; and wished me to keep guard upon my chamber and person.
The same advertisement was confirmed by Lucy, Countess of
Bedford, and the Lady Hobby, shortly after. Hereupon I thought
fit to entreat Sir William Herbert, now Lord Powis, to go to
Sir John Ayres, and tell him that I marvelled much at the
information given me by these great persons, and that I could
not imagine any sufficient ground hereof; howbeit, if he had
anything to say to me in a fair and noble way, I would give him
the meeting as soon as I had got strength enough to stand on my
legs. Sir William hereupon brought me so ambiguous and doubtful
an answer from him, that, whatsoever he meant, he would not
declare yet his intention, which was really, as I found
afterwards, to kill me any way that he could." The reason, Lord
Herbert tells us, was, that Sir John, though falsely, accused
him of having seduced his wife. "Finding no means thus to
surprise me," continues the noble lord, "he sent me a letter to
this effect; that he desired to meet me somewhere, and that it
might so fall out as I might return quietly again. To this I
replied, that if he desired to fight with me on equal terms, I
should, upon assurance of the field and fair play, give him
meeting when he did any way specify the cause, and that I did
not think fit to come to him upon any other terms, having been
sufficiently informed of his plots to assassinate me.

"After this, finding he could take no advantage against me,
then in a treacherous way he resolved to assassinate me in this
manner;--hearing I was to come to Whitehall on horseback with
two lacqueys only, he attended my coming back in a place called
Scotland Yard, at the hither end of Whitehall, as you come to
it from the Strand, hiding himself here with four men armed to
kill me. I took horse at Whitehall Gate, and, passing by that
place, he being armed with a sword and dagger, without giving
me so much as the least warning, ran at me furiously, but
instead of me, wounded my horse in the brisket, as far as his
sword could enter for the bone; my horse hereupon starting
aside, he ran him again in the shoulder, which, though it made
the horse more timorous, yet gave me time to draw my sword: his
men thereupon encompassed me, and wounded my horse in three
places more; this made my horse kick and fling in that manner,
as his men durst not come near me, which advantage I took to
strike at Sir John Ayres with all my force, but he warded the
blow both with his sword and dagger; instead of doing him harm,
I broke my sword within a foot of the hilt; hereupon, some
passenger that knew me, observing my horse wounded in so many
places, and so many men assaulting me, and my sword broken,
cried to me several times, 'Ride away, ride away;' but I
scorning a base flight upon what terms soever, instead thereof
alighted as well I could from my horse; I had no sooner put one
foot upon the ground than Sir John Ayres, pursuing me, made at
my horse again, which the horse perceiving, pressed on me on
the side I alighted, in that manner, that he threw me down, so
that I remained flat upon the ground, only one foot hanging in
the stirrup, with that piece of a sword in my right hand. Sir
John Ayres hereupon ran about the horse, and was thrusting his
sword into me, when I, finding myself in this danger, did with
both my arms reaching at his legs pull them towards me, till he
fell down backwards on his head; one of my footmen hereupon,
who was a little Shropshire boy, freed my foot out of the
stirrup, the other, who was a great fellow, having run away as
soon as he saw the first assault; this gave me time to get upon
my legs and to put myself in the best posture I could with that
poor remnant of a weapon; Sir John Ayres by this time likewise
was got up, standing betwixt me and some part of Whitehall,
with two men on each side of him, and his brother behind him,
with at least twenty or thirty persons of his friends, or
attendants on the Earl of Suffolk; observing thus a body of men
standing in opposition against me, though to speak truly I saw
no swords drawn but Sir John Ayres' and his men, I ran
violently against Sir John Ayres, but he, knowing my sword had
no point, held his sword and dagger over his head, as believing
I could strike rather than thrust, which I no sooner perceived
but I put a home thrust to the middle of his breast, that I
threw him down with so much force, that his head fell first to
the ground and his heels upwards; his men hereupon assaulted
me, when one Mr. Mansel, a Glamorganshire gentleman, finding so
many set against me alone, closed with one of them; a Scotch
gentleman also, closing with another, took him off also: all I
could well do to those that remained was to ward their thrusts,
which I did with that resolution that I got ground upon them.
Sir John Ayres was now got up a third time, when I making
towards him with intention to close thinking, that there was
otherwise no safety for me, put by a thrust of his with my left
hand, and so coming within him, received a stab with his dagger
on my right side, which ran down my ribs as far as my hips,
which I feeling, did with my right elbow force his hand,
together with the hilt of the dagger, so near the upper part of
my right side, that I made him leave hold. The dagger now
sticking in me, Sir Henry Carey, afterwards Lord of Faulkland,
and Lord Deputy of Ireland, finding the dagger thus in my body,
snatched it out; this while I, being closed with Sir John
Ayres, hurt him on the head and threw him down a third time,
when kneeling on the ground and bestriding him, I struck at him
as hard as I could with my piece of a sword, and wounded him in
four several places, and did almost cut off his left hand; his
two men this while struck at me, but it pleased God even
miraculously to defend me, for when I lifted up my sword to
strike at Sir John Ayres, I bore off their blows half a dozen
times; his friends now finding him in this danger, took him by
the head and shoulders and drew him from betwixt my legs, and
carrying him along with them through Whitehall, at the stairs
whereof he took boat, Sir Herbert Croft (as he told me
afterwards) met him upon the water vomiting all the way, which
I believe was caused by the violence of the first thrust I gave
him; his servants, brother, and friends, being now retired
also, I remained master of the place and his weapons, having
first wrested his dagger from him, and afterwards struck his
sword out of his hand.

"This being done, I retired to a friend's house in the Strand,
where I sent for a surgeon, who, searching my wound on the
right side, and finding it not to be mortal, cured me in the
space of some ten days, during which time I received many noble
visits and messages from some of the best in the kingdom. Being
now fully recovered of my hurts, I desired Sir Robert Harley to
go to Sir John Ayres, and tell him, that though I thought he
had not so much honour left in him, that I could be in any way
ambitious to get it, yet that I desired to see him in the field
with his sword in his hand; the answer that he sent me was
(repeating the charge above mentioned) 'that he would kill me
with a musket out of a window.'

"The Lords of the Privy Council, who had at first sent for my
sword, that they might see the little fragment of a weapon with
which I had so behaved myself, as perchance the like had not
been heard in any credible way, did afterwards command both him
and me to appear before them; but I, absenting myself on
purpose, sent one Humphrey Hill with a challenge to him in an
ordinary, which he refusing to receive, Humphrey Hill put it
upon the point of his sword, and so let it fall before him and
the company then present.

"The Lords of the Privy Council had now taken order to
apprehend Sir John Ayres, when I, finding nothing else to be
done, submitted myself likewise to them. Sir John Ayres had now
published everywhere that the ground of his jealousie, and
consequently of his assaulting me, was drawn from the
confession of his wife, the Lady Ayres. She, to vindicate her
honour, as well as free me from this accusation, sent a letter
to her aunt, the Lady Crook, to this purpose: that her husband,
Sir John Ayres, did lie falsely, ... but most falsely of all
did lie when he said he had it from her confession, for she had
never said any such thing.

"This letter the Lady Crook presented to me most opportunely,
as I was going to the Counsell table before the Lords, who,
having examined Sir John Ayres concerning the cause of his
quarrel with me, found him still to persist on his wife's
confession of the fact; and now, he being withdrawn, I was sent
for, when the Duke of Lennox, afterwards of Richmond, telling
me that was the ground of his quarrel, and the only excuse he
had for assaulting me in that manner, I desired his lordship to
peruse the letter, which I told him was given me as I came into
the room; this letter being publicly read by a clerk of the
Counsell, the Duke of Lennox then said, that he thought Sir
John Ayres the most miserable man living, for his wife had not
only given him the lie, as he found by the letter, but his
father had disinherited him for attempting to kill me in that
barbarous fashion, which was most true, as I found
afterwards;--for the rest, that I might content myself with
what I had done, it being more almost than could be believed,
but that I had so many witnesses thereof; for all which
reasons, he commanded me in the name of his Majesty, and all
their lordships, not to send any more to Sir John Ayres, nor to
receive any message from him, in the way of fighting, which
commandment I observed: howbeit, I must not omit to tell, that
some years afterwards Sir John Ayres, returning from Ireland by
Beaumaris, where I then was, some of my servants and followers
broke open the doors of the house where he was, and would, I
believe, have cut him into pieces, but that I, hearing
thereof, came suddenly to the house and recalled them, sending
him word also that I scorned to give him the usage he gave me,
and that I would set him free of the town, which courtesie of
mine (as I was told afterwards) he did thankfully
acknowledge."[334]

FOOTNOTES:

[319] Page 143.

[320] Pennant, p. 112. He quotes Archenholz's Tableau d'Angleterre, 183.

[321] State Trials, _ut supra_, vol. v., p. 1236.

[322] Id. pp. 1284, 1286.

[323] State Trials, vol. v., p. 1282.

[324] Scott's Edition of "Dryden," vol. ix., p. 270.

[325] See the life of him by his retainer Fairfax, and the account of him on his deathbed in the "Collection of Letters of several Persons of Quality and others."

[326] MSS. Birch, 4221, quoted in the Notes of the Tatler, _ut supra_, vol. i., p. 208.

[327] Life of Prior in the "Lives of the Poets."

[328] New Monthly Magazine, vol. xvii., p. 140.

[329] Memoirs of the Life and Writings of De Foe, 1829, vol. ii., p. 116.

[330] Pennant, p. 110.

[331] Extracted from Salisbury's Flying Post, of October 27, 1696, in Malcolm's Manners and Customs of London to the year 1700, vol. i., p. 396.

[332] See State Trials, _ut supra_, "Egerton's Memoirs of Mrs. Oldfield;" "Swift's Great and Mean Figures," vol. xvii., 1765; and the "History of Orlando the Fair, in the Tatler," as above, Nos. 50 and 51. "The author of Memoirs of Fielding in the Select Trials," says a note on the latter number, "admits, that for all the ludicrous air and pleasantry of this narration (Steele's), the truth of facts and character is in general fairly represented."

[333] Discourses delivered at the Royal Academy. Sharpe's Edition, vol. ii., pp. 113, 115.