Chapter V: Act 3: Life amongst the Fancy! (3)

_Log._ (_Singing_). “_A Queen she cannot swagger._” I will have this fiddle--“_nor get drunk like a beggar_.”--More max here--“_Nor be half so merry as I_.”

[_Logic becoming obstreperous, they partly force him off, and exeunt with him._]

_Mace._ Regular out-and-outers those ’ere! quite gemmen--I’ve stuck it into ’em a bit! (_Aside_).

_Bob._ Aye, ay, ve knows it! vith the chill off!--you’re an out-and-out _Stringer_, you are!

_Mace._ So I don’t mind standing a trifle of summat all round, just by way of drinking their healths; and vhen ve’ve had the liquor, ve’ll kick up a reel, and all go to our dabs.

_Bob._ Ay ay! but before that, mind you get us a bit of grub for me and my Sal--about a pound and a half of rump steak--

_Sal._ No, two pound Massa Bob, for her rather peckish.

_Bob._ Very vell, two pound, vith a pickled cowcumber, and a pen’orth o’ ketchup, to make some gravy of; and stick it up to the bell!--d’ye hear?

_Mace._ You’ll melt that ’ere bell if you don’t mind, Muster Bob; this is vhat I don’t like--vhy don’t you always take care and bring plenty of money in your pockets?--You know I’m wery particular in things of this here kind!--though I don’t mind obliging _you_----

_Bob._ Ay, ay, vith the chill off, I knows!--but it’s all right--must have the bell in the morning, you know, even if I spout the togs for it.

_Mace._ Now then, strike up, my beauty!

_Bob._ Aye, aye, pull it out, my pink!

[_Comic Characteristic Reel by all the Characters; who, under the influence of All Max, at last reel off._]

POOR LOGIC IN THE FLEET PRISON.

All in the Fleet poor Logic’s moor’d
His swaggering’s now at an end!
And Tom and Jerry are gone on board,
Their friendly assistance to lend.

Now, all their sprees and gambols are closed
For Logic has vow’d and swore
When he’s from Limbo safe loosed,
He’ll marry----and rake no more.

SCENE.--_Interior of Whistling Shop; Master and Mistress of Whistling Shop--Racket players--Poor Tradesman, Smuggler, and Debtors discovered._

CHORUS.--(_Omnes_).

_All in the fleet we’re safely moor’d,
But while we’ve trusty pals on board,
Law may to
The devil go;
Then, brother Debtors, sport and play._

_Let tempests whistle as they will,
Our Whistling Shops will drown them still;
A yard of tape
Will prove the Cape.
And drive each thought of care away,
Tol de rol._

_Enter_ TURNKEY _and_ LOGIC.

_Turn._ Here’s Doctor Logic come to pay you a visit, gentlemen--You’ll get good accommodation here, Sir; and find some regular trumps among ’em.

_Log._ Thank’ye.----

_Turnkey._ Is that all?--Only thank’ye?

_Log._ Oh, want some tippery! (_Gives money_). There! (_Exit Turnkey_)--Brothers, your most obedient. Some of my friends, thinking my learning was not complete, have sent me to your College to finish my education; not that I owe anything!--

_Omnes._ Oh, no!--we none of us owe anything!--Oh! dear no.

_Log._ I’m only here on suspicion of debt.

_Omnes._ That’s the case with all of us!--we’re all of us only here on suspicion!

_Log._ You’ll not find me a bad chum--but ready to hunt down any game you can start. Landlady, serve them with a glass of tape, all round; and I’ll stand Sammy--

_Omnes._ A regular trump! (_Landlady serves them all with liquor, out of a bladder, as directed; Logic pays_).

_Smug._ Well, while I can blow my cloud, and get a drop on the sly, I sets the Excise at defiance. What’s a little smuggling?

_Poor T._ (_Aside_). Could I have conveyed the value of that liquor to my wife and children, it might have saved them another day from starvation!

_Log._ (_Overhearing_). What! hard up!--wife and children starving!--that sha’n’t be while Bob Logic has a quid left.--Here, my honest fellow, go fill their bellies and make them happy. (_Gives money_).

_Poor T._ May heaven bless you, Sir--you know not half the good you have done!

[_Exit poor T._]

_Log._ No: but I know one thing enough, and that is, the value of money--a prison is the only place to learn that in; and if ever I get out again----

_Enter_ TOM _and_ JERRY.

_Log._ Ah, Tom and Jerry! my boys! this is kind indeed!

_Tom._ Never desert an old pal in limbo, Bob; but when you get safe out of the river tick, take my advice, look _into_ not _over_ your affairs; if young men would but deign to consider this, would but, in the flowery wilds of pleasure, cast one glance at the guiding star of prudence--their pockets would be more full, and the prisons of the law more empty.

_Log._ Never doubt me, Tom--but welcome to ‘Freshwater Bay,’ to my new settlement on board the Never-Wag man of war;--homeward station--forced to be on good _terms_ with others, if I am not with myself----

_Jerry._ Still as lively as ever, eh, Doctor?

_Log._ And so will you be when the haberdasher has served you with a good yard of tape.

_Jerry._ ‘Haberdasher! Tape!’ I’m at fault again.

_Logic._ The haberdasher is the whistler, otherwise the spirit-merchant Jerry--and tape the commodity he deals in--It’s a contrabrand article here--white is Max, and red is Cognac.

_Jerry._ Then give me a yard and a half of red, if you please. (_Landlady gives Jerry liquor_).

_Enter_ TURNKEY, _with a letter_.

_Turn._ Here’s a stiffener for you, Doctor!----

_Log._ A letter for me!----

_Turn._ It ’aint paid for.

_Log._ More tip, eh! (_Pays him_). This fellow’s a regular leech! you never use any chalk here?

_Turn._ Can’t afford it; besides it ain’t in our way, and then it makes such a mess over the walls.

_Log._ (_Opening the letter_). Aye, aye, that will do, go along--(_Exit Turnkey_) What’s this?--Five hundred pounds!--(_Takes out note_).--Wheugh!--Let me read--“Sir Jeremy Brag and the Captain, present compliments to Doctor Logic, request his acceptance of the enclosed, to free him from his present difficulties; it is the same sum his friends threw away on an _odd_ trick the other evening.--If Mr. Logic and his friends will look in at the Venetian Carnival, this evening, they will be joined by the Captain, Sir Jeremy, the Miss Trifles, and the Mendicants from the Holy Land; when, if properly solicited, the Masqueraders may unmask.” Prodigious!--_I’m_ at fault here. I’ll away at once; drop the debt and costs in the hatchway, and be off to the Carnival.

_Tom._ We’ll go with you, Doctor.

[_Exeunt Tom, Jerry, and Logic._

_Smug._ Why, they’ve hoisted sails, lads--well, success to them--oh the changes of life!

CHORUS.--(_Omnes_).

AIR.--“_Here we go up, up, up._”

_Some there are up, up, up,
And some there are down, down, down,
But whether above or below,
Let us always take care of the crown._

_They that are out may grin,
While those that are in may fret,
Yet poverty ne’er was a sin,
And we’re sure they can’t hang us for debt.
Fol, lol._

[_Exeunt._

SCENE.--_Leicester Square.--Characters dressed in Masquerade, cross the stage, as if going to the Carnival--Dominoes lead the way._

_Enter_ OLD MAID _and_ POODLE _followed by_ CLOWN--CLOWN _steals_ POODLE, _and pops his own head in_ POODLE’S _place_--OLD MAID _enraged, pummels_ CLOWN’S _pate till she breaks her fan_--CLOWN _carries her off squalling_ R. _They are followed by grotesgue_ DWARF, _in chintz gown and cap, with big head; preceded by servants with candles, who also exit_.

_Enter_ LILLIPUTIAN HARLEQUIN, COLUMBINE, _and_ CLOWN; L. _Characteristic_ PAS _de_ TRIOS, _to the_ “NATIONAL WALTZ;” _little_ COLUMBINE _coquetting between_ HARLEQUIN _and_ CLOWN--_after they are off._ O. P. _various_ MASKS _enter severally--business ad libitum_.

SCENE.--_Venetian Carnival brilliantly illuminated--various characters on--Music, Dancing, Tumbling, and masquerade business ad libitum, till enter Jerry (as Sportsman) and Sue as Domino._

_Sue._ (_Coming down_). What game would you start here, Mr. Sportsman?

_Jerry._ None, my pretty Domino--I only hunt in Somersetshire; that’s my manor.

_Sue._ Manners makes the man, certainly; but you’re making game of me.

_Jerry._ I speak truth, by heaven!--Oh, Susan, lovely Susan, never can I forget thee, dear.

_Sue._ Indeed! then Susan takes you at your word. (_Unmasks_).

_Jerry._ Susan Rosebud!--Astonishment! then the Captain--Miss Trifle, and the pretty ballad singer!----

_Susan._ Were one and the same person, your humble servant!--I followed to preserve and reclaim you; I have done so, and I am happy--but your cousin comes, stand aside.

[_They retire._

_Enter_ TOM, _as Don Giovanni, with_ KATE _as Domino_.

_Tom._ (_Advancing with Kate_). Could I find one of your sex that would be faithful, I would never rove again.

_Kate._ Are you sincere?--

_Tom._ By heaven!--I am!

_Kate._ Then behold the reward of your sincerity, the constancy of your faithful Kate. (_Unmasks_).

_Tom._ Kate! oh, my dear Kate!

_Enter_ LOGIC, _as Doctor Pangloss, with_ JANE _in Domino_.

_Log._ (_Advancing with Jane_). I am an L.L.D. and A.S.S.

_Jane._ (_Unmasks_). You are indeed an A-S-S, not to have found me out before.

_Log._ What! my Jenny!----

_Jerry._ Don’t be astonished, Bob--I’ll explain all:--Tom and I are going to make two matches; you must make the third--form a bunch of matches--exchange one imprisonment for another, her arms, you dog!--’aint you up?--

_Log._ I’m fly--Oxford has no fellowship like this! (_Embracing Jane_).

_Tom._ (_Coming down with Kate_). You are right, Bob, it has not.--Well, we have been amused by Life in London, now let us endeavour to profit by it;--let our experience teach us to avoid its quicksands, and make the most of its sunshine;--and in that anticipation let us hope our kind friends will pardon Tom, Jerry, and Logic all their sprees and rambles.

JERRY GOING BACK TO THE COUNTRY.

Three merry boys were Logic, Tom and Jerry,
And many funny larks they have seen;
Farewell, gay London, the country calls me home again,
The coach moves on--the play is done--Goodbye, Goodbye.

THE WHITE HORSE CELLAR, PICCADILLY:--

Was now the parting scene, and the hand of the clock pointed very near to the time for the departure of the coach. The bustle of this place prevented the Trio from much conversation; but the _separation_ of such _staunch pals_ was a trying moment to the feelings of poor JERRY: and though he was above _blubbering_ like a _Johnny Raw_, yet his HEART was rather _touched_, and his _ogles_ underwent some _queer_ sensations, which he endeavoured to suppress, when _Coachy_ asked “if all was right” and began to smack his whip.

The hearty grasps of the hand, and the _good-byes_ were over between HAWTHORN and his _pals_, and TOM and LOGIC were only waiting to see the coach start, when JERRY, with much eagerness of expression, as if he had forgotten to mention the circumstance previously, said, “my dear Coz”--but the coach was now fast rattling over the stones, and the last broken sentence which the ear of the CORINTHIAN caught was, “Mention me in the kindest manner to the lovely SUE; tell her I am only gone into _training_, and in the course of a few weeks I shall most certainly return to London to enjoy a few more _sprees_ (which I have so unexpectedly been deprived of), and also to have with her the pleasure of another game at romps.”

THE END.

The Adelphi version of Tom and Jerry, or Life in London, was performed ninety-three nights in succession; and its _golden_ career only stopped by the termination of the season. At the end of which, _Little_ Bob Keeley, who had made a _great_ hit as Jemmy Green--a character imported into the piece by Mr. W. T. Moncrieff--went with Walbourn, the great Dusty Bob, and Cooper, who played to the life, Little Jemmy, the cripple, to Sadler’s Wells Theatre, were Pierce Egan’s own version was produced April 8th, 1822. Keeley was threatened by the Adelphi lessees--Messrs. Rodwell and Jones--with an action for breach of engagement, but the action was never brought. In the season of 1822-3 at the Adelphi, John Reeve--‘_Glorious John!_’ became Jerry Hawthorn, Mr. Brown took the part of Jemmy Green, and several other changes in the original cast were effected. At Christmas, 1822, TOM and JERRY was compressed so as to admit of the production of a pantomime called _Beauty and the Beast_, or, _Harlequin and the Magic Rose_. When the managers announced that:--

“In consequence of the astonishing Overflows to witness the admired
Extravaganza of TOM and JERRY, or Life in London, and to prevent, as
far as possible, any unpleasant Disappointment, the Public are
respectfully informed that:--

NO PLACES, IN FUTURE CAN BE KEPT, UNLESS PAID FOR WHEN TAKEN.

Shouts of Laughter and Applause attend each Representation of the New
Pantomime.”

When the long run of TOM and JERRY ended at the Adelphi, a spectacular extravaganza of the same kind was produced with the title of “GREEN IN FRANCE,” but it did not catch the fancy of the town like its predecessors.[34]

In 1825, Mr. Moncrieff published his dramatic version of Tom and Jerry; or, Life in London--which he dedicated to:--

HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS, FREDERICK DUKE OF YORK,

MAY IT PLEASE YOUR HIGHNESS:--

The distinguished honour conferred by your Royal Highness on this
Drama, in commanding and witnessing its performance at the ADELPHI
THEATRE, (an honour unprecedented in the annals of the Minor Stage)
and the flattering manner in which your Royal Highness was afterwards
graciously pleased to express your high approbation of it, emboldens
me, with the most profound respect, to lay it at your Royal Highness’s
feet, and under the sanction of your illustrious name, commit it in
its present form to the world.

Having no higher pretensions than that of presenting a faithful
picture of the various scenes it pourtrays, the favourable opinion of
your Royal Highness stamps it with an authority that was alone wanted
to crown the success with which it has been received by the Public.

Like the illustrious Haroun al Raschid, your Royal Highness is said to
have made yourself acquainted with the many coloured changes of life;
presented in the people over whom you may be one day called to
preside, by wisely throwing off the restraint of rank, and witnessing
nature in its genuine state. That the scenes I have pourtrayed are not
caricatured for the sake of dramatic effect, but are actually those
which might have been seen by any one choosing to seek them, your
Royal Highness can therefore adequately testify; and your Royal
Highness’s imprimatur will effectually ward off all the imputations
that have been cast upon my motives and veracity, by the bigoted and
envious.

I have the honour to be,
With the most profound respect and devotion,
Your ROYAL HIGHNESS’S
Most obedient and very humble Servant,
W. T. MONCRIEFF.

104, Drury Lane,
Dec. 15, 1825.

Mr. Moncrieff in his Dedication--TO HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS: and in his Preface that follows throws so much true light and shade on public opinion--_pro et con_--of the period, that we deem it not only desirable but instructive to the present generation to publish the same _in extenso_.