Chapter II: Part 2

I have read in Homer, that dreams come from Jupiter; and that this cannot be doubted, especially when they regard things of importance. I verily believe those of kings and princes proceed from on high: but I will substitute the true God in place of Jupiter, who is but a fabulous divinity. The vision I had last year, could not have been derived from any other than a heavenly source. Behold the events that passed: I was reading the book of the blessed Hypolitus, which treats of the end of the world, and of the coming of God, to judge the quick and the dead, the just and the unjust. I fell asleep over this book, sitting in a large easy chair. All at once, I thought I saw a noble young man, of extraordinary beauty, flying through the air, having at his mouth a trumpet, that sounded far and wide. When he had made five or six great circuits, I perceived soldiers starting from their graves, full of courageous animation, thinking they heard the signal of battle. Upon the other hand, the misers started up, in terror, lest thieves had come to rob. The courtiers imagined that they enjoyed the agitations of the ring, or of a carousal. No one had the least idea that it announced the last judgment. I was strongly tempted to laugh at seeing the maimed, the one-eyed, the blind, seeking the one their arms or legs, and the other their eyes. I was equally amused, to perceive the clerks unwilling to resume their heads, the slanderers their tongues, and the old women their throats.

After all these had come forth, and arrived in an immense and smooth valley, very proper for so grand a spectacle, I saw appear people of every art and trade; likewise the men of letters, among whose ranks there appeared a very considerable embarrassment. Each community placed itself separately; each religion had also its sectaries apart: such as Christians, Jews, Mahometans, Pagans, Heretics, and Schismatics. All the people being classed and placed, a judge presented himself, accompanied by twelve counsellors, who seated themselves near his throne; beneath them were the prophets, in the capacity of advocates. Immediately a loud flourish of trumpets was heard, as if an army of cavalry approached, and legions of shining angels appeared, who poised themselves with their wings, above those men to whom they had been guardians. That done, the archangel Michael, came and placed himself at the foot of the throne, upon which the judge was seated, having in his hand a naked sword, and beneath his feet a prostrate devil, as he is represented in churches, and called the auditors each by his name.

Adam answered first; he was accused by his demon, with having eaten an apple, contrary to the commands of his God; with having neglected the gifts he had received at his creation; with having cast the blame upon his wife; with having had a bad son, and of other faults which I do not distinctly remember. But I very well recollect, that these reproaches produced such confusion in him, that he could answer nothing: his good angel answered for him; he confessed the matters of which his party was accused; he set forth the excess and duration of his penitence; the agonies he had suffered from the decree that involved his posterity, the goods which God had seen born of his sin; in fine, he pleaded with such ability, that his client was acquitted.

When they called Judas, Herod, and Pilate, their crimes were so glaring, that they could neither defend themselves, nor would any angel speak in their favour; and they were accordingly condemned. After them, were examined the most noted heretics, and neither could they obtain pardon.

Presently there appeared a number of pagan philosophers, among whom, I distinguished the seven sages of Greece, with Plato, Zeno, Socrates, Aristotle, and others: there were also Mercury, Trismegistus, an Egyptian, Sanconianthon, a Phenician, and Confucius, a Chinese. The majority of these avowed, that they had adored no other than the true God. The judge demanded, if they had given him all the glory, and rendered to him all the honour that was his due. They answered nothing, and were not exculpated.

The corps of artists next presented themselves: some of them were justified, but by far the greatest part were condemned for larcenies, frauds, surprises, and infidelities.

The men of letters then had their turn: many of them were charged with having taught and written contrary to their real opinions. The poets made every one laugh, on asserting, that when they spoke of Jupiter, of gods and goddesses, they meant the true God, saints, and saintesses: that they had never seriously deified the king of Candia, nor the first king of Egypt, nor the queens of Cyprus and Sicily; that if these people had become idolaters, they ought to take the blame upon themselves. Virgil in particular, was examined very minutely upon that passage of his poems, where he invokes the Sicilian muses: he pretended to have spoken of the birth of the Messiah; but he was answered that he must then have been in the soul of the Son of Pollio. Orpheus was accused by the ladies of Thrace, because he had taught men a love that did not concern them.

The clerks, lawyers, and constables, applied to Saint _Ives de Chartres_, to plead their cause; but he refused, saying, he had never been a robber, but had always pursued the cause of truth and justice, and that they had not acted in that manner. The devils also accusing them of having often been corrupted by presents, and the solicitations of women; few among them escaped.

After these, the physicians, surgeons, and apothecaries, were brought forward: they justified themselves by the authority of Hippocrates, Galen, and Paracelsus; but those whom they summoned, mocked at them, and their allegations. “And who are they,” demanded those eminent physicians, “who have cited us, and presume to shelter themselves behind our example?” The unhappy accused then sought the assistance of their two saints, _Come_ and _Damiens_; but they refused to defend homicides, and judgment of condemnation was accordingly pronounced.

As it is out of my power to follow all the judgments in their order, I shall report only those that appeared most worthy of note. A fencing master, being unwilling to approach the bar, an angel extended his arm to seize him; but the master, throwing himself into an attitude, made a fanciful push towards the angel, telling him at the same time, that from such a thrust with the small sword, he would have received a mortal wound; that all those who had taken lessons of him, never failed to kill their man, and that he himself had always been victorious, till he met with his physician. At last, constrained by force, he was brought forward and convicted of all the homicides committed by his scholars, who, confident in their skill, had often sought quarrels, for the purpose of putting their theory in practice. For these offences it was decreed that he should go into hell in a perpendicular line. “Zounds,” said the master, “I will go as I may, but not in a perpendicular line; I am not a mathematician.” “How,” said the angel, “do you wish to go?” “In making leaps backward before the mouth of hell.” “Not quite so much subtlety,” said the devil; “I will make you obedient;” and he carried him into the abyss, that was at the extremity of the valley.

This man gave place to a great astrologer, whom his angel endeavoured to bring before the tribunal: he was loaded with almanacs, globes, spheres, astrolabes, compasses, quadrants, rules, and papers, filled with astronomical calculations. “You are mistaken,” said he to the angel; “the last judgment has not yet arrived, because the constellation of Saturn, and that of fear, have not yet finished their courses; it ought not to arrive in less than twenty-four thousand years; for God hath not created the universe and the celestial globes, not to permit them to finish their journeys; and there is yet no appearance of an union of the sun and stars, to set fire to the world, as must necessarily happen at the last day. I appeal, then, in advance, against all other judgments.” “March,” said the devil, “or I shall carry you.” “Carry me,” said the astronomer, “into the kingdom of the moon; I will reward you well; I am curious to see those beautiful countries, we discover with our telescopes; the countries of Galileo, of Copernicus, of Tycho Brahe, and other celebrated astronomers, who are gone to dwell in the moon, and who have bestowed their names upon those regions they inhabit.” The discourse of this fool, did not prevent an accusation before the judge, of irreligion, superstition, and other vices which he could not dispute.

I then saw an operator, who, imagining himself to be in a proper place for vending his drugs, praised the properties of his orrietan, and the virtues of his counter-poisons. When he came before his judges, he was desirous of trying some experiments, and demanded if he should use realgal, arsenic, or the blood of toads and spiders. The devil, who stood at his side, asked him if he had any fire ointment. “How,” said he, “are you in want?” “It is yourself that will soon need it,” answered the devil; “because you have cheated so many people with your lies and knaveries.” He was confounded at this discourse, and was led away to hell.

When they were close by, he said to the devil, “I perceive the jest; you keep here the feast of Peter; I am not so much alarmed as you think: let us go, let us go,” said he, entering into hell, “let us go and see Don Peter.”

There then came a troop of tailors, the chief one of whom diverted me much: he had a pair of scissors in his hand, and a long slip of parchment, with which he took measure for garments. Perceiving me, he stepped up and proposed to make me a coat in the French fashion: I assured him that I had no need of such a garment; but he ran round me, insisting upon taking my measure. I observed that it was then no time to transact such business; that he was before his judge, and had better invoke his guardian angel: but the angel advised him to plead his own cause, as he could not conscientiously defend a case so obvious. “Signor,” answered the tailor, “I engage to give you a suit every year, gratis; for it is doubtless for lack of tailors, that you angels go always naked.” “Without dispute;” replied the angel, “for there is not a single tailor in heaven.” “Very well,” resumed the tailor; “I go then in person, to defend myself and brethren. We have never stolen more stuff than we could put into our eyes; we threw the useless pieces into the street; we have always measured the trimmings of gold and silver, after finishing the suit, and took no more than was absolutely necessary. As to the rest, our trade is one inculcating mercy; to clothe the naked, and furnish a defence from the cold; meritoriously following the gospel precept: thus have we acted, besides suffering patiently the prejudice the embroiderers have done us in making the habits of the church. I demand that Saint Martin, archbishop of Tours, who gave the moiety of his mantle to a poor beggar, should be heard in our behalf.” “Saint Martin,” said one of the angels, “hath never been the protector of tailors; and so far would he be from defending you, that he would condemn you.” “Ah! well,” said the tailor, “oblige us by being yourself our interlocutor.” “I consent,” replied he, “and will quickly expose the tricks of your trade: the tailors have in their shops a private drawer, which they call _the eye_; and it is there they deposit what they steal. The under part of their table and its immediate neighbourhood, they call the _street_; and here they cast the superfluous stuffs: so when this master cheat asserted, he had never stolen more than might have been contained in his eye, or that he threw into the street the waste pieces of cloth, or stuff, it was equivalent to saying, that, he had never taken more than might be put into his drawer, or beneath his table. As to the trimmings of gold and silver, it is true, they are measured upon the garment, but then it is found after the chain of binding is cut, that it stretches very easily. When he said that his trade was merciful and charitable, he spoke the truth, if these are the attributes of thieves: but I demand, if, without pillaging cloth, they could ornament chambers with rich tapestry, build fine houses, give portions to their daughters, bear the extravagancies of their children, give sumptuous entertainments, and enjoy all the luxuries of life?” “No, no,” simultaneously exclaimed the whole assembly. The corps of tailors was accordingly condemned, and they were precipitated into the abyss.

When all the judgments had been pronounced, the judge, his counsellors, the angels, and the elect, launched forth into the air, and ascended to heaven, amid an harmonious concert of trumpets, and other instruments. Those who remained in the valley, and had not been sent to hell, were in despair, because they were not able to follow the array of the blessed. When the celestial throng had wholly disappeared, a most horrid tumult ensued: the planets fell from their orbits, the mountains came together with dreadful washings, the earth gaped, and all who remained fell into the abyss, uttering such piercing shrieks that I was seized with terror. I awoke, and felt the most lively pleasure to find myself out of danger. I reflected afterwards upon the multitude of the guilty, and the small number adjudged innocent. Oh, how necessary it is, that all the living should experience a similar vision, that they might be witnesses of the disorder, of the despair, and torments of the damned. It would suffice also to exemplify the piteous confusion, which can neither be expressed nor comprehended, that will not fail to happen at the last day. I am not now surprised that the Israelites, at the foot of Mount Sinai, could not endure the noise of the thunder that resounded from its summit.

FOURTH NIGHT. THE COUNTRY AND THE PALACE OF LOVE.

ON the fourth day of January, I had passed the evening in the company of some beautiful and amiable young ladies. Contrary to my usual custom of retiring at an early hour, I sat up late, amusing myself and trifling with these ladies, which brought to my imagination, during sleep, the most delightful images. I fancied I heard a voice, which recited these verses, borrowed by Virgil from Theocritus:

“What phrensy, shepherd has thy soul possess’d?
Thy vineyard lies half prun’d, and half undress’d,
Quench, Corydon, thy long unanswered fire;
Mind what the common wants of life require.
On willow twigs employ thy weaving care;
And find an easier love, though not so fair.”

I am ignorant by what paths I was conducted, but I suddenly found myself in a most delightful country, such as the poets are wont to describe the isle of Cyprus and the gardens of Love; it was bordered by two little rivers, one of which was sweet, and the other bitter water. These waters, conducted by a subterranean canal, united in a great basin of white marble, placed in the middle of a garden. After I had promenaded a little, to admire the beauty of the trees, and respire the perfume of the flowers, I entered into a long and magnificent walk, planted with citrons and oranges: upon each side were arbours, adorned interiorly with paintings and sculpture, and surrounded without by jessamines, laurels, honeysuckles, and other shrubs. At the extremity of this walk, there appeared, in perspective, a large and superb edifice, which was called the _Palace of Love_. The porticoes were of the Doric order: upon the pedestals, the bases, the columns, the cornices, the friezes, the architraves, and the chapters, were, in half relief, little cupids, who disported themselves in all sorts of gambols. There was written upon the gate in letters of gold upon a black ground, this inscription:—

‘Behold the palace of the happy,
The abode of lovers.’

The custody of the gate was committed to a woman of a nymph like appearance: her name was Beauty. She was tall and well proportioned: her features were regular, and her whole appearance so seducing, that her name seemed to answer her description exactly. Her garments were magnificent, but their transparency permitted the sight of charms that eclipsed the light. The whiteness of the snow would have yielded to the whiteness of her bosom: in a word, she had about her that, I know not what, of enchantment, which no pencil could delineate, or language describe. She made me so gracious a salutation, that I was emboldened to request of her a conductor, to show me the apartments of the palace.

“Address yourself,” said she, “to the Introducer; he is lodged in this wing,” motioning me with her right hand to the left side of the edifice.

I thanked her, and went in quest of the Introducer, who was at the same time the Inspector of this smiling country. I perceived in him an old man with a long beard. He received me with great civility; and having signified to him my desire, he told me that he would himself conduct me to the foot of the throne of the Queen. He girded upon his thigh instead of a sword, along sharp scythe. He took for a cravat, an hour-glass with golden sand; and for a hat, a bonnet of mercury with wings. To do me honour, he preceded me. We entered immediately into the apartment of the girls, which was separate from that of the women who have arrived at maturity. In perambulating these chambers, I saw all these girls singularly occupied: there were some who wept with jealousy against the widows; others were filled with inquietudes, not daring to avow the love with which the other sex had inspired them. “My lover,” said one, “is extremely cold; he is too timid; O that the same privilege of declaring our inclinations was permitted to us, as to the other sex! I would speak a language to him, which he should respond.”

Some of them read or wrote letters; they used a great deal of paper in that business; for in order to say that they would not, they destroyed, recommenced, destroyed again, and recomposed the same lines; they desired that their words should have a double meaning, and that their lovers should understand that, which they had no intention of making them comprehend. Others, placed before their mirrors, studied their gestures, giving expression to their features, endeavouring to put grace into their smile, and gaiety into their laugh. Certain of them, plucked the hair from the chin and eye-brows; others applied plaster to their faces; many of them, to cause paleness and a more interesting appearance in the eyes of their lovers, ate plaster, jet, charcoal, and Spanish wax, contrary to the custom of the French, who diligently avoid those substances that can give them a yellow appearance, as saffron, pepper, salt, and every thing provocative.

From this apartment, I passed into that of the married women. Some of them grieved at the jealousy of their husbands, and others at the avarice of theirs. There were those who caressed their spouses, that they might the more easily deceive them: there were others who concealed money from their knowledge, to purchase finery, or make presents to their gallants: there were others who made vows, and projected pilgrimages, to the end that they might enjoy the company of those whom they could not otherwise see: and others, who spoke continually of the sweetness, of the handsome mein, and good proportions of their confessors. Some there were, who said that there could be no pleasure more consummate, than in revenging ones self upon ones husband; some, also, that the most insupportable torment to a married woman, was to be obliged to answer the caresses of a husband whom she did not love: many, that the pleasantest hour was that passed at the play with a gallant. There were those too among them, who had taken their waiting maids into confidence, and strove to engage them in their interests by every indulgence.

Contiguous to this place, was a spacious pavilion where we found the widows. Some of this class affected austerity and modesty; but others gave themselves up to all sorts of folly. Many were exceedingly joyous, although they were in mourning: many were sad, because black did not become them; many, on the contrary, judged that crape was their chiefest ornament, and that it served best to exhibit the brilliant whiteness of their complexion. The old widows wished to imitate the young, while these sought to improve their time to the best advantage. Those who exhibited the most lassitude, were generally young widows, who waited with impatience for the year of mourning to expire; but others spent their time cursing the memory of their husbands, who had prohibited second nuptials.

I was soon weary of my visit to this apartment; folly and libertinism were not to my taste. My conductor perceiving it, took me by the arm, and said that he would show me the amorous devotees.

“Yet, for all that,” said I, “love and devotion can hardly agree; however, let us see all.”

“Oh, ho,” said Time; “yes, true devotion; but know that it is as rare to see true devotees, as women without love: these same true devotees have at least those with whom they are not much upon their guard, and when they are not observed, cannot resist the seductions of a handsome and assiduous cavalier: in default of that they take their confessor.”

Thus conversing, we entered into the apartment of the devotees. Almost all prayed to God, either for the health or the return of a lover: many to be soon married, or to be always handsome, or for death to rid them of a rival. Some of these women performed their devotions while waiting for their gallants.

As the character of these women had in it nothing agreeable to me, I besought my conductor to lead me to the abodes of the men; the more, because I would hear from thence a concert of instruments; he showed me the entrance into their quarter. I found in the first hall, a great number of fiddlers and pipers, who concerted a serenade for the following night. In the second, I saw men who made their toilets, and arrayed themselves in new garments, of the favourite colours of their mistresses. In the third, were those who prepared to send presents to their fair friends. In the fourth, were lovers who put themselves in attitudes to fight in duel with their rivals. In the fifth, they read novels, or made extracts from them. In the sixth, were the old fellows who were mad for love. In the seventh, were young men sick, and who dared not disclose the causes of their indisposition. In the eighth, married men did that for their mistresses, which the wives did for their gallants. In the ninth, widowers imitated the actions of the widows. In the tenth, in fine, the gentlemen of the church showed themselves more amorous than the men of the world, because they are addicted to less general dissipation, and have fewer opportunities for the gratification of their inclinations.

As I came out of this place, I heard a clock striking with a heavy sound, and reverberating throughout the palace. “What is that?” said I to Opportunity.

“That,” said he, “marks the hour for private conversation and appointments; enter into this large hall; you shall soon see a great deal of the world: wait for me, until I shall return to conduct you out of the palace, for otherwise you will not be able to find your way.”

I went into the hall, in which were a great number of seats. The magnificence of the tapestry, which represented the fabulous metamorphoses, corresponded with the style of the edifice: at the extremity was a throne of ivory, silver, and gold, under a canopy enriched with pearls and precious stones. When the persons of both sexes had entered and sat, a woman of a strange figure, and clad in a very whimsical manner, placed herself upon the throne; they called her Passion. Another woman, whom they called Folly, sat near her, and spake as if she was the queen’s chancellor. Forthwith this princess began to set forth the advantages that had been gained over the empire of Reason, who had been for a long time her enemy. While she was speaking, a stately dame named Jealousy, promenaded through every part of the hall: she inspired some with fear, and made others laugh; at length she came near me, and said—

“It is not without some purpose, you are here and separate from the rest; perhaps you are more fortunate.”

I answered, that “I found myself there without any particular design.”—“Excellent,” replied she, retiring; and from time to time she revisited the place where I was, to see if some girl did not come to join me. As I divined her thoughts, I strove to give her uneasiness; I affected to exhibit the same myself; I looked anxiously from one side to the other, as if I had expected some one. I remarked this woman made the same motions.

When the queen had finished her discourse, many persons presented petitions, which were all forthwith granted. After that, the princess announced to all her votaries, that she granted them the propitious moment, and retired. Immediately each one presented his hand to his partner, and hastened from the hall. Some went into chambers, and others walked about. There was no one but Jealousy remaining in the chamber where I was; she promenaded about the hall, murmuring:—

“I shall see,” said she: “I will watch; I will discover: I will hinder: I will talk: I shall not be inactive. Ah, good,” cried she to me with vivacity; “what do you do here? depart, I wish to close the gate.”

As I expected my guide, I was not willing to go out, lest I might lose myself in this vast edifice. “I wish to wait here for Opportunity,” said I, “who ordered me to remain in this hall, till he should come to rejoin me.”

“Reckon not,” replied she, “upon this old dotard; he will not return; he is gone upon the stream, with the others: believe me; quit this place:” and thus speaking, she took me by the shoulders, and thrust me out.

I walked upon the garden terrace until I saw descend a silken ladder. I immediately thought that this was an invitation made to me, and thinking of nothing but the novelty of the adventure, I ascended. I entered by a window into a chamber, where I saw a man and a young girl sitting at table: they were both surprised at my presence, but especially the young cavalier, who remained immovable: presently recovering himself, and addressing himself to the lady:—

“Ingrate, this is then the manner in which you betray me! you have then certainly two lovers, and perhaps fifty?”

“Me, sir!” said she; “I swear to you I know not this gentleman; assuredly he has made a mistake, in taking my window for that of some other.”

“Yes, yes, he is deceived, but it is in these two particulars; that, in the first place, he thought me gone; and secondly, in taking my ladder, for that you are accustomed to hang out for his accommodation; but he shall repent it.”

Immediately drawing his sword, and taking his dagger in the other hand, he would have stabbed his mistress. I also drew my sword, and put myself before the lady, to guard her from the blows of this madman: he dealt me several lunges, which I parried; I drove him to the window, and as he perceived himself hotly pressed, he sprang out, which gave me immense chagrin. The lady had left the chamber; I sought her in vain, and the agitation of this circumstance awoke me.

I leave it to the consideration of the reader, if this vision is not a faithful image of profane love: this is the beauty that seduces us; this is the time we improve; this is the passion which governs us; this is the jealousy which torments us; this is the hour of temptation: a rendezvous, a private conversation, a walk. This is that violent motion which leads to crime. I leave also to the reader, to make his own reflections upon the occupations of lovers, upon their desire of pleasure, upon their intrigues, upon their pains. I am persuaded that no one can have an idea upon the subject, without disapproving of the wanderings of love. It is not reason which rules in the palace I have traversed: for reason is an enemy whom they attack, whom they disarm, whom they put far from them, although she is but a kind friend, who never takes up arms but to succour us.

FIFTH NIGHT. THE WORLD.

IF a man of genius, or one only of ordinary discernment, could view the interior of the world, he would feel indignant at himself even for living with so much degradation; he could not prevent himself from pitying or despising those who are attached to it, and who allow themselves to be deceived by its seductions and artifices. There is hardly a person who speaks as he thinks; one never sees the intention of the actor; honesty and knavery have often an air of resemblance; truth and hypocrisy appear like sisters of the same father; civility and curiosity assume the same colours; friendship and interest are with difficulty distinguished.

These reflections occurred to me while walking in my garden; I entered into a summer house, favourable for meditation, and inclined to slumber by the coolness of the shade, and the murmur of a neighbouring rill, fell asleep. During my repose, I fancied myself in the midst of a great city, called Hypocrisy. They informed me that it was the capital of the internal world, and bore the same relation to it, that Rome did to the external world, in the time of the emperors. It was here the king of the internal world usually resided; he was called _Self Love_; and although he had this appellation, which is, for the most part, in rather bad odour, he was dear to his subjects, who made it their chiefest glory to imitate him, and had no other object than the honour of their sovereign. The two principal ministers of this king, were Interest and Ambition: the governor of the city was Pleasure. The guards of his majesty were designated by the names of other human passions; the gentlemen of his court were lackeys, well accoutred; the farmers of the revenue called themselves _ministers of finance_: the lawyers, _counsellors of the king_: the thieves, _judges of police_: the grooms of the stable, _equeries of the king_: the mountebanks, _physicians_: the bankers, _masters of accounts_: the clerks of the church, _abbots_: the clerks of the palace, _secretaries_: the students, _doctors_. There, tailors wear velvet and gold lace; coblers are cordwainers to the king; gaming houses, academies: discreditable places, houses of good society: pimps, convenient people: coquettes, ladies of honour: women of pleasure, devotees: black girls, handsome brunettes: in fine, coquetry is friendship: usury, economy: deceit, wisdom, or prudence: malice, wit: cowardice, equanimity of temper: temerity, valour: parasites are amiable people: slanderers, free people: and in like manner of others; for in this country we perceive every thing to be contrary to that we see in the external world.

As I promenaded the streets of this city, I met an old man, who inquired of me if I was a stranger.

“Yes, I am,” said I.

“That is very apparent, from the surprise you testify at the novelties of this city; but if you choose, I will show you things that will astonish you much more: come into my house.”

Having accepted this courteous invitation, he preceded me without ceremony, observing, that this was the custom in France.

“Oh, signor,” said I, “it is no more than justice, that you should be free in your own house; and I know that it is the French humour, not to accord precedence upon such occasions: because he who first enters, escapes closing the gate upon the inside.”

We found in the chamber of this old man, two young friars, preparing to go abroad. They assured us, they could not remain any longer, because their superior had ordered them to be present at a funeral procession, to get their wax taper, and customary gratuity.

“What admirable charity in these people,” said I, “who go to a funeral, not to pray, but to gain.”

Soon after, hearing a chanting, we looked from the window to learn the cause. We saw a funeral procession, in which were arranged many priests and religious, with a long file of relations. It was a woman whom they carried to the grave; the husband was almost mad; and I said to my old friend, “My God! this man is extremely afflicted!”

“Do you believe that?” answered he: “listen to what he says, when he arrives opposite.”

In fact, when he came near the house, I heard him say, “I am not so very unhappy after all! she has wasted the half of my fortune: she has been sick in bed at my expense these last six months; and her obsequies will cost me a thousand crowns! Ah, Lord!” cried he in a loud voice, “why is she dead? and why did you not take me first? or rather, good Lord, why did you not take her before she had dissipated my money?” At length, reverting to a more pleasant theme, “I must,” said he, “marry Lucilla: she having been a serving girl, will not be fond of ostentation; she knows nothing about luxuries, since she cannot even read. To be sure, being young and inexperienced, she made a misstep; but the remembrance of her fault will make her wary. Of the two maids my wife kept, I shall discharge one; so in three or four years I shall save the expense of this burial.” “I gain by this chance,” said a relation of the deceased, who came next: “I gain ten thousand crowns, because she died intestate.” “This pest of a woman,” said a maid servant who followed, “never failed to take advantage of every opportunity, and yet entertained an extreme jealousy of my master and me.”

“Zounds!” said I to the old man, “these people are very sincere!”

“The things you see here,” observed he, “are those which are concealed in the external world; but if now, you have any curiosity to know with what occupations widows beguile the time, after the death of their husbands, step with me a couple of paces and you shall see.”

I directly consented; the object appearing well worth the trouble. There was at the distance of three or four doors from this chamber a grand apartment, the entrance of which was hung with black, and the stair-case covered with the same material. We went in, and after traversing a long hall, garnished in the same manner, entered into a little room, the tapestry of which was black velvet; the bed of beautiful red damask, covered with black crape, with silver fringe. In it reposed a young lady of the most conspicuous loveliness, one of the fairest I have ever beheld. I offered her my condolences upon the death of her husband, whom my old friend had informed me was a gentleman of the sword, and a loyal subject of the king—_Self-love_. She answered, smiling in the most affable manner, that she was highly sensible of my politeness, and that she felt very happy that the death of her husband had procured her the pleasure of my acquaintance.

“Oh!” exclaimed I, to myself, “what affliction! but let us examine a little farther.”

I approached the bed, and sat down upon a sofa near by: we conversed upon many things indifferently, and at length came upon the adventures of young widows. At this period of the conversation, raising herself up to take her handkerchief, she exposed to my view, with a beautiful shoulder, a neck fairer than moonlight. Just as this sight had inspired me with love, I heard a man snore, who was upon the other side of the bed. She drew the curtain, and gave the gallant a slight cuff, saying, “you are very impertinent to sleep thus near a lady in bed.” The other awaking, was going to revenge himself upon the lady for her slight buffet.

“No, no,” said I, “do not; I should rather be punished myself.”

Both of them then began to turn their raillery upon me. Perceiving this, I left the chamber, beckoning the old man to follow. I was greatly scandalized at such conduct, and my companion did nothing but laugh. What people you have here! amiable widows!

Some hours afterwards, I accidentally met in the street, the beau whom I parted with at the widow’s.

“It is thus,” said this man, accosting me, “that widows console themselves, and redeem the time they may have lost with a cross, jealous, or avaricious husband.”

“You understand these matters well,” answered I; “and madam will soon forget her loss.”

Conferring thus together, we became familiar: he was anxious to learn my name, and told me his own, which was Joy.

“I am not astonished,” said I, “the beauty listened to you. A quarter of an hour spent in your society, will abundantly recompense her for the sad and weary years passed with a jealous spouse.”

When the old man saw us thus pleased with each other, he said he would leave me in the company of this honest person, and that he should expect me at his house to supper, after the play, to which we had determined to go.

At the theatre we saw comedies about equivalent to our tragedies; and, in fact, of so close a resemblance, that one might almost fancy them the same. The story of the one I saw was this:—Two young persons met at the house of a mutual friend, to concert measures to gain the consent of their parents to their marriage: their degree was not equal; the girl was nobly born, and an heiress; the young man poor, and the son of a merchant. They both promised to put in requisition every possible method that could be devised, to vanquish the opposition of the old folks upon whom they depended. The young man said he would make himself an advocate, and afterwards a counsellor in parliament; the expence of which he could easily defray in one year after his marriage, with the help of his wife’s dowry. The girl, on her part, promised not to refuse him any token of affection; and agreeable to their plan, she was to inform her mother, that she was pregnant by _Signor Virodeno_; for thus was her lover called. In order to the furtherance of this design, they instigated their friend to pretend to betray them, and to apprise the parents of both parties of what was passing. The parents hastened to the spot; the lovers came promptly from the chamber; they both heaped reproaches upon their daughter, and as the mother was about to strike her, she declared herself pregnant. “Unhappy wretch,” exclaimed her mother, “you will always be a grief to me; you will bring dishonour upon the family: I will strangle you on the spot.” “Stop,” said her husband, “you will only expose yourself to be hanged: we must think rather now to conceal this disgrace.” “No, no,” said the mother; “let me stab her to death with this knife.” She would have executed her resolution, had not her more discreet husband disarmed her, saying, “recollect yourself, madam; you were in the same situation when I married you; and if your mother had killed you, you would not to-day have made all this uproar.” But as she continued to give way to fresh paroxysms of indignation, her husband enforced his reasons with some wholesome correction. He subsequently conferred with the parents of the lover, who promised to do every thing for the advancement of their son, in consideration of the rank of the young lady’s family, with whom they would not be at variance. The company then gave a loose to mirth; they found out the young couple were well matched; they busied themselves in preparations for the nuptials, and sent to apprise the young man, who had taken refuge at the house of the governor of the city. He came, accompanied by the proper officers; the marriage was celebrated; nothing was wanting at the feast, and they parted on the best of terms. All this scene was in such perfect keeping, that the young espoused were married at the house of the maternal father-in-law, who himself did the honours of friendship. Thus they conclude marriages and other matters: so that there, one can see the minds of people, and the purpose of every man’s action.

At the palace it is the same; every thing is laid open; the advocates plead not, but _pro honorario_; the solicitors think of nothing but prolonging the suits by those incidents they themselves devise; and the judges, for the purpose of enhancing their fees, deliver a hundred judgments, when one would answer. As a specimen of their method, take the following decree:

“Having taken into consideration the petition of Signor _Thief_, solicitor to the lord _Stupid_, the court do order, that the parties have day in court, for the space of four years, that the fees may absorb the sum of three hundred pounds, which must be expended in this suit. Done at our court of the palace of _hypocrisy_, at the winter term of the current year. _Pecunia_, President.”

What I have related of the palace, is to exemplify the spirit that reigns in this city; the same influence governs the court, the army, the treasury, and the theatre. There were in a box adjoining ours, at the latter place, two men, who discoursed concerning the sale of certain merchandize. The seller said, “I wish you to give fifty thousand livres, for what cost me thirty; but I wish to make a thousand crowns profit.” The other was not willing to give more than a hundred pistoles. At last they agreed upon the thousand crowns, upon condition that the seller, who was a steward, should give to the purchaser the titles to the rents of certain farms, without the knowledge of his lord, and upon which event the purchaser was also to give a feast. After the play, I went to seek my old friend; upon meeting him, he informed me that the king, _Self-love_, was fallen ill; and that on account of his indisposition, the whole city prepared to testify their gratitude.

“How,” said I, “can you think of diversions, when the father of the country lies sick?”

“Yes,” said he, “it becomes us to rejoice; it would be hypocrisy to do otherwise, when we have a prospect of changing our master.”

“In the world of which I am an inhabitant,” rejoined I, “we feel the most lively sorrow, if our prince falls sick; and our religion commands us to offer up prayers for his health.”

“And we,” answered the good man, “are taught to rejoice; for we have no other policy than interest, and to which your religion is opposed.”

“If Self-love should die,” said I, “you would perhaps be governed by a less popular king. Pleasure, who aspires to the crown, Interest, nor either of the other princes of the blood, would exercise a dominion so happy and sweet. These princes are naturally proud, cruel, and vindictive: in the place of which, Self-love is often, nay, almost always solicitous for the preservation of his subjects.”

The conversation turned upon this topic, for some time. The old man, contrary to the usual spirit of aged people, was desirous that Pleasure should succeed to the throne. As for myself, I maintained that the nation would be less happy, under such a sway. After our soup, he wanted to carry me to see the fireworks, and the ball the governor gave upon the occasion. I refused to go; these things seeming to me very ridiculous, on account of the cause that elicited them. The old man was much offended at my refusal; he told me that I was a sour, dissatisfied man, and an enemy to the general joy. I replied, that he was an old fool, and that if he molested me any more, I would throw him out of the window, and put his family to the sword.

At this moment we heard the cry of fire in the house; and the common danger caused us to forego our quarrel. The uproar was caused by a servant girl, who, because her mistress refused, from some cause or other, to pay her wages, had set fire to the house, from motives of revenge. They pretended to extinguish it in a very curious manner, which was, by throwing on light stuffs, soaked in oil. I dreamt that a great sheet of flame suddenly enveloped me: I awoke on the instant, crying that I was in a house environed: and thinking the noise I heard came from the flame,—I cried, “_fire_!” A servant that was seeking me in the garden, ran, upon hearing me, and told me that some one waited to see me. When I had finished my business with this person, my dream caused me much reflection; the more I thought upon it, the closer seemed the resemblance to what is taking place in the world: in fact, it is _Self-love_ that reigns, and these are the passions that govern us; and whoever could see the heart and soul of men, would find them arrant hypocrites. The world itself is the city of Hypocrisy. It is in this city, that interest, ambition, pleasure, vengeance, anger, and all other evil passions conceal themselves. The more I examine, the more clearly these truths appear:—That whosoever could disabuse himself for a single moment, would be so, for the remainder of his life: and he who really desires to know himself and the world, would learn from observation, more than he has an idea of. The world is, of all things, the most difficult to understand, and that which one ought to know the best. There is no person who distrusts himself; consequently, there is no one who realizes, that it is deceptive, filled with self-love, attached to its own interests, seeking its own gratifications, vain, unquiet, restless, presumptuous, vindictive, pure outwardly, criminal within, lovely and fair in appearance—deserving, at bottom, of hatred and contempt: and what is still more incomprehensible about this same world, is, there is hardly an individual who doth not love it; they lose by this love, and they know of a surety, that it is to this attachment they must attribute their losses: meanwhile, it pleases all: they seek after it; they wish to serve it; they abandon to it all which they hold most dear. Some sacrifice to it their honour for pleasure; others their lives for glory; and some surrender their repose for the poor ambition of fortune. But it was for us, the world was created; and that is really the victim one ought to sacrifice, to preserve his honour, to enjoy eternal pleasures, to acquire true glory, and amass treasures, that neither rust nor envy can spoil.—Think not, my dear reader, what I have here presented to you, a dream, a vision; it is more real than you imagine.

SIXTH NIGHT. HELL.

I had been, during the autumn, at the country house of one of my friends. In the parish where he resided, that had not seen its bishop for thirty years, there had recently been settled a new curate, a fluent preacher, and very much devoted to the instruction of his flock—reading every Sunday homilies and sermons, and the greater and lesser catechisms. One day, I went to hear one of the familiar exhortations, which he usually gave to his people, concerning heaven and hell: he depicted the latter in such strong colours, that the whole audience were moved; and each whispered to himself, O frightful residence! Full of these ideas myself, I returned to sup at my entertainer’s house. After quitting the table, I extended myself on a couch; and my friend, seeing me soon overcome with a pleasant slumber, for we had fared sumptuously, left me, to enjoy himself the same refreshment. During sleep, I dreamed that I was at the outlet of an extensive forest, from whence diverged two roads, the one smooth and broad, the other rough, covered with stones and ditches, thorns, and thick entangled bushes. I pursued the first, in which I remarked many houses of pleasure, and multitudes of people, who travelled in carriages, on horseback, or on foot, at a moderate pace, without fatiguing themselves. One might see there, persons of all ages, sexes, conditions, and estates; one might find there, shops, magazines, taverns, play-houses, and societies of women; in fine, people of every country and religion. I was not surprised that many came from the narrow way into ours; but I was greatly so, at some who went from this fine road into the other, which caused me to inquire where it terminated: as to ours, I thought it led to Madrid. Some one answered, that the little way conducted to Paradise; and the one where I was, direct to Hell. I pursued my journey without making any other reflection. Having travelled about a quarter of a league, I began to perceive a bad odour, as of sulphur and bitumen, and supposed it proceeded from baths of mineral waters, which diffused a strong scent at a great distance around. I advanced constantly, and arrived at last before a large edifice, which answered the description of Pluto’s palace, as it is represented in fable. I found at the gate an immense devil, horrible to look upon. At this apparition, I stepped hastily back, two or three paces, and drew my sword, suspecting that some one was thus disguised, to do me an injury. The porter, perceiving my embarrassment, approached, telling me to fear nothing; for he was thus clothed, to deter the saints, who constantly endeavoured to abstract the damned from hell.

“It is then true, that this is hell,” said I.

“Yes, at your service: enter, enter, my lord, one had better come here living than dead.”

I immediately walked in, and besought a devil whom I met, to show me the apartments of the palace: he called himself _Curiosity_; this was his appellation of war, or rather that of his employment; for as angels take theirs from their offices near God or men, so likewise demons are named, from the services they execute, or the dignities with which they are invested.

“They denominate me _Curiosity_,” said the demon, “because it is I who inspire men with the desire of seeing, listening, proving, and tasting; and as it is curiosity that opens the door of sin, so it is I who open that of hell.”

“You may conduct me there,” said I, “on condition that you bring me back to the gate again, after I have examined it; and you will oblige me still farther, by leading me afterwards to paradise, which I would also visit.”

“It is not I,” replied Curiosity, “who can conduct you thither, and open the door; the guide of the way is Retirement, the porter, Virtue; but I will show you every thing worthy of notice here, and reconduct you to the place from whence I take you.”

“Very well,” said I, and followed him.

We first entered into a spacious court, where the devils were scourging the unhappy, who cried, “pardon, pardon, my God! I did not reflect—I did not believe—who told me of these things;” and many other similar expostulations.

“These,” observed the devil, “are people, that have come to hell without thinking about it, without fear, and without believing it.”

“They were then honest in their faith; but why punish those guilty only through ignorance?”

The devil replied, “they ought to think upon the matter, to instruct themselves, and be persuaded that hell is no place for mercy—so much the worse for them.”

I passed from thence into a great chamber, where there were many men gaming, who swore and blasphemed because they had lost a little money, or played a bad card. “Behold these people,” said I to the devil, “how impatient and hasty!”

“That is the cause of their being here.”

In another room we found comedians, who mourned at their captivity, shut up for having made the world laugh. Said they; “if by chance some equivocal words have impressed the spectators with evil thoughts, was it not rather their fault than ours?”