Chapter III: The Vision of Hell (4)

Then after ordering all to be locked up in their lairs, and punishing and dismissing the officers whose carelessness had allowed them to break loose, Lucifer and his counsellors returned to the court, and sat once more upon the fiery thrones, according to their rank; and when silence had been obtained, and the court cleared, a burly, lob-shouldered devil threw down at the bar a fresh load of prisoners. “Is this the way to Paradise?” asked one (for they had no idea where they were). “Or if this be Purgatory,” said another, “I have a dispensation under the Pope’s own signet to pass straight on to Paradise, without a moment’s delay anywhere; wherefore show us the way, or by the Pope’s toe, we will have him punish you.” “Ha ha,” laughed a thousand demons, and Lucifer himself opened his tusked jaws some half a yard in scornful laughter. At which the new comers were sore amazed. “Look ye,” said one, “if we have missed our way in the dark, we will pay for guidance.” “Ha ha,” cried Lucifer, “ye shall not hence till ye have paid the uttermost farthing.” But on searching them it was found that they had one and all left their trouser behind. “Ye went past Paradise on the left above those mountains there,” said the Evil One, “and although it is easy to descend hither, to return is next to impossible, so dark and intricate is the country, so many steep ascents of flaming iron are there on the way, and huge imminent rocks, overhanging glaciers of insurmountable ice, and here and there, a headlong cataract, all too difficult to clamber over, if ye have not nails as long as a devil’s. Ho there! convey these blockheads to our paradise to their companions.” Just then I heard voices drawing nigh, swearing and cursing fearfully. “Fiends’ blood! a myriad devils seize me if ever I go!” and immediately the noisy crew were cast down before the court. “There,” exclaimed the steed that bore them, “there is fuel with the best in hell.” “What are they?” asked Lucifer. “Past masters in the gentle art of swearing and cursing,” said he, “who knew the language of hell as well as we do.” “A lie to your face, i’ the devil’s name!” cried one. “Sirrah! wilt take my name in vain?” said the Evil One. “Ho, seize them and hook them by their tongues, to that burning precipice, and be at hand to serve them; if on one devil they call, or on a thousand, they shall have their fill.”

When these had departed, a gigantic fiend calls loudly for clearing the bar, and throws down thereat a man who was a load in himself. “What hast thou there?” demanded Lucifer. “An innkeeper,” answered he. “What?” cried the King, “only one innkeeper, when they used to come by the thousands. Hast thou, sirrah, not been out for ten years, and dost bring hither but one, and such an one as would serve us in the world better than thee, foul lazy hound!” “You are too just to condemn me before hearing me,” pleaded he, “he was the only one laid to my charge, and now I am rid of him. But I despatched you from his house many an idler who drank his family’s maintenance, and now and then a dicer, and card player, a fine swearer, an innocent glutton, a negligent tapster and a maid, harsh in the kitchen, but never a kinder abed or in the cellar.” “Although this fellow deserves to be with the flatterers beneath,” said the Evil One, “natheless take him to his comrades in the cell of the liquid-poisoners, among the apothecaries and drugsters who have concocted drinks to murder their customers; boil him well for that he did not brew better beer.” “By your leave,” began the innkeeper tremblingly, “I deserve no such treatment, the trade must be carried on.” “Couldst thou not have lived,” quoth the Evil One, “without allowing rioting and gambling, wantonness and drunkenness, oaths and quarrels, slanders and lies? and wouldst thou, old hell-hound, now live better than we? Prithee, tell what evil have we here which thou hadst not at thine home, save the punishment alone? Indeed, to speak the plain truth here, the infernal heat and cold are nothing new to thee. Hast thou not seen sparks of our fire upon the tongues of the cursers and the scolds, whilst dragging their husbands home? Was there not a deal of the undying flame on the drunkard’s lips or in the eyes of the angry? And couldst thou not perceive a trace of hellish cold in the rake’s generosity, and especially in thine own kindness towards him as long as he had anything in his possession; in the mocker’s jest; in the praise of the envious and of the defamer, in the promises of the lecherous, or in the limbs of thy boon companions, benumbed beneath thy tables? Is hell strange to thee whose very home is a hell? Aroint thee, flamhound, to thy penance!”

After that ten devils, panting heavily, drop their burdens upon the fiery floor. “What have ye?” asked Lucifer. “We have what a day or two ago were called kings,” answered one of the fiendish steeds. (I sought carefully to see whether Lewis of France were among them.) “Throw them here,” bade the King; and at that they were thrown amongst the other crowned heads that lay beneath Lucifer’s feet; and following the monarchs came their courtiers and their flatterers to receive sentence. Before I had time to ask any question, I heard the blast of brazen trumpets and shouts. “Make way, make way,” and at once there came in view a herd of assize-men and devils bearing the train of six justices, and millions of their race—barristers, {95a} attorneys, clerks, recorders, bailiffs, catchpolls, and the litigous busybody. I wondered that none of them was examined; but in truth, they knew the matter had gone too far against them, so none of the learned counsels opened their lips, but the busybody threatened that he would bring an action for false imprisonment against Lucifer. “Thou shalt have good cause of complaint now,” said the Evil One, “and never see a court at all.” Then he donned his red cap, and with unbearable, haughty mien, said: “Go, take the justices to the hall of Pontius Pilate, to Master Bradshaw, who condemned King Charles; pack the barristers with the assassins of Sir Edmundbury Godfrey, {95b} and their other false co-partners who simulate mutual contention, merely in order to slay whomsoever might interpose. Go, greet that prudent lawyer, who, when dying offered a thousand pounds for a good conscience, and ask whether he is now willing to give more. Roast the lawyers by the fire of their own parchments and papers till their learned bowels burst forth; let the litigous busybodies hang above them with their nostrils deepest down the roasting chimneys, in order to inhale the noxious vapors arising thence, to see if they will ever get their fill of law. Throw the recorders amongst the retailers who prevent or forestall the sale of corn, who mix it and sell the mixture at double the price of the pure corn: similarly, they demand for wrong double the fees formerly given for right. As to the catchpolls, let them free to hunt about and lie in the ravines and bushes of the earth, to capture those that are debtors to the infernal crown; for what devil of you could do the work better than they?”

Shortly there appear twenty demons, like Scotch-men, with packs across their shoulders, which they cast down before the throne of despair, and which turned out to be gipsies. “Ho there!” cried Lucifer, “how was it that ye who knew the fortune of others so well, did not know that your own fortune was leading you hither?” No answer was given, for they were amazed at seeing here beings uglier than themselves. “Throw the tan-faced loons to the witches,” bade the King, “there are no cats or rush-lights here for them, but divide a frog between them every ten thousand years, if they will be quiet and not deafen us with their barbarous chatter.”

After them came, methought, thirty labourers. Everybody wondered to see so many of that honest calling, so seldom did any of them appear; but they did not all come from the same parts nor for like faults—some for raising prices, many for withholding their tithes, and defrauding the parson of his dues, others for leaving their work to follow after the gentry, and who in trying to stride along with their masters, strained themselves, some for doing work on the Sabbath, some for thinking of their sheep and kine in church, instead of giving attention to the reading of Holy Writ, and others for wrongful bargains. When Lucifer began to question them, lo! they were all as pure as gold, and not one of them found anything amiss in himself so as to deserve such a dwelling place. One can scarcely believe what neat excuses each one had to hide his sin, although they were already in hell for it, offering them merely out of evil disposition to thwart Lucifer and to accuse the righteous Judge, who had condemned them, of injustice. But it was still more astonishing to see how cleverly the Evil One exposed their foul sins, and how he answered with a home-thrust their false excuses. When these were about to receive their infernal doom, forty scholars were borne forward by porpoise-shaped fiends, uglier, if possible, than Lucifer himself. And when they heard the labourers pleading, they too waxed bold to give excuses, but what ready answers the old Serpent had for them with all their knavery and learning! As it happened that I heard similar pleas in another court of justice I will hereafter recount them together, and now proceed with what I saw in the meantime.

Lucifer had barely pronounced their sentence—that they should be driven to the great glacier in the land of eternal ice, a doom that set their teeth a-gnashing, even before they saw their prison, when suddenly, hell again most marvellously resounded with the crash of terrible bolts, with loud-rolling thunder, and with every noise of war. Lucifer loured and grew pale; in a moment, there flew in a wry-footed imp, panting and trembling. “What is the matter?” cried Lucifer. “A matter fraught with the greatest peril for you since hell is hell,” said the dwarf, “all the ends of the kingdom of darkness have risen up against you and against each other, especially those between whom there was longstanding enmity, who are already locked together fang to fang, so that it is impossible to pull them apart. Soldiers have attacked the doctors for taking away their trade of slaughter; a myriad userers have fallen upon the lawyers, for claiming a share in the business of robbery; the busybodies and the swindlers are tearing the gentlemen, limb-meal, for unnecessary swearing and cursing, whereby they gained their living. Harlots and their minions, and a million other old friends and former comrades have fallen out with one another irreconcilably. But worst of all is the fray raging between the misers and their own offspring, for wasting the goods and money which, the old pinchfists aver, ‘cost us much pain on earth, and here endless anguish.’ Their sons, on the other hand, cursing and rending them outrageously, call for eternal ruin upon their heads for leaving overmuch wealth to madden them with pride and riotous living, when a little, under the blessing of heaven, would have rendered them happy in both worlds.” “Enough, enough,” cried Lucifer, “there is more need of arms than words. Return, sirrah, and play the spy in every watch to find the where and why of this great negligence, for there’s some treachery in the air we wot not of as yet.” The imp departed at his bidding, and in the meantime Lucifer and his compeers arose in terror and exceeding fear, and ordered the levying of the bravest armies of the black angels; and having disposed them, he himself started foremost to quell the rebellion, his chieftains and their hosts going other ways. The royal army, like shafts of lightning across the hideous gloom, advanced (and we in their rear); ere long the uproar falls upon their ears; a fiendish bellower cries, “Silence, in the King’s name!” to no purpose, it would be an easier task to hale apart old beavers than one of these. But when Lucifer’s veterans dashed into their midst, the growls, and blows, and battering lessened. “Silence in Lucifer’s name!” roared the devil a second time. “What is this,” demanded the King, “and who are these?” “Nothing, sire, but that in the general confusion, the drovers came across the cuckolds, and set a-butting to prove whose horns were the harder; it might have turned out seriously, had not your horned giants joined in the affray.” “Well,” said Lucifer, “since ye are all so ready with your arms, come with me to trounce the other rebels.” But when the rumour reached these that Lucifer was approaching with three horned armies, everyone made for his lair.

So he marched on across the desolate plains unresisted, and seeking in vain the cause of the revolt. After a while, however, one of the King’s spies returns, quite out of breath: “Most noble, Lucifer! Moloch, your prince, hath subdued part of the North, and hath cut thousands to pieces upon the glaciers, but there are three or four dangerous evils still threatening you.” “Whom meanest thou?” asked Lucifer. “The Slanderer, the Busybody, and the Lawmonger, have broken out of their prisons and got free.” “No wonder then,” said the Evil One, “if further troubles arise.” Then there comes another spy from the South, informing that matters would soon reach a dire pass in that quarter if the three who had already thrown the West into utter confusion be not taken, namely, the Huntress, the Rogue and the Swaggerer. “Since the day I tempted Adam from his garden,” said Satan, who stood next but one to Lucifer, “I have never seen so many evils of his race at liberty together. The Huntress, the Swaggerer, the Rogue, on the one hand, and on the other, the Slanderer, the Lawmonger and the Busybody—a mixture would make devils reach.” “Little wonder, verily,” said Lucifer, “that they were so much hated by all on earth, seeing that they are capable of causing such trouble to us here.” Not long after, the Huntress comes to meet the King upon the way. “Ho! grandam o’ the breeches,” cries a shrill-voiced demon, “good night to you.” “Thy grandam on which side, prithee?” said she, displeased because he did not “madam” her. “You are a fine king, Lucifer, to keep such impudent rascals about you; a thousand pities that such a vast realm should be under so impotent a ruler; would that I might be made its regent.” Then comes the Swaggerer, nodding in the dark—“Your humble servant, sir,” saith he to one, over his shoulder; “Are you quite well?” to another; “Can I be of any service to you?” addressing a third, with a leering smirk, and to the Huntress: “Your beauty quite fascinates me, madam.” “Oh oh,” cried she, “away with the hell-hound;” and all join in the shout: “Away with this new tormentor, hell on hell that he is!” “Let both be bound together hand and foot,” commanded Lucifer. Soon after the Lawmonger comes on the scene between two devils. “Ho, ho, thou angel of peace,” exclaimed Lucifer, “hast thou come? Keep him safe, guards, at your peril!” Before we had gone far, the Rogue and the Slanderer appeared, chained between forty devils, and whispering to one another. “Most noble Lucifer,” began the Rogue, “I am very sorry there is so much disturbance in your kingdom; but if I may be heard, I will teach you a better method. Under the pretence of holding a Parliament, you can cite all the damned into the burning Evildom, and then bid the devils hurl them headlong to bottomless perdition, and lock them up in its vortex, to trouble you no more.” “But the Common Meddler is still missing,” said Lucifer, frowning most darkly at the Rogue. When we reached once more the entrance of the infernal court, who should come straight to meet the King but the Busybody. “Ah, your majesty, I have a word with you.” “And I have one or two with you, peradventure,” said the Evil One. “I have been over the half of Hell,” said he, “to see how your affairs went. You have many officers in the East who are remiss, and take their ease instead of attending to the torturing of their prisoners and to their safe keeping; it was this that gave rise to the great rebellion. And moreover many of your fiends, and of the lost whom you sent to the world to tempt men, have not returned, although their time is up, and others have come, but hide rather than give an account of their doings.”

Then commanded Lucifer his herald to summon a second Parliament, and in the twinkling of an eye all the potentates and their officers were again in attendance at their infernal _Eisteddfod_. The first thing done was to change the officers, and to order a place to be made round the mouth of the pit for the Swaggerer and the Huntress, linked face to face, and for the other rebels, bound topsy-turvy together; and a law was published that whosoever of the demons or of the damned thenceforth transgressed his duty should be thrown into their midst till doomsday. At these words all the fiends and even Lucifer himself trembled and were sore perturbed. Then next came the trial of the devils and the lost who had been sent to earth to find “associates and co-partners of their loss;” the devils gave a clear account, but the statement of the damned was so hazy and uncertain, that they were driven to the ever-burning school, and there scourged with fiery, knotted serpents to teach them their task the better. “Here’s a wench that’s pretty enough when dressed up,” said an imp, “she was sent up into the world to gain you new subjects; and whom should she first tempt but a weary ploughman, homeward wending his way, late from his toils, who, instead of succumbing to her wiles, went on his knees praying to be saved from the devil and his angels.” “Ho there!” cried Lucifer, “throw her to that worthless losel who long ago loved Einion ab Gwalchmai of Mona.” {102} “Stay, stay,” pleaded the fair one, “this is but my first offence; there is yet scarcely a year since the day when all was over with me, when I was condemned to your cursed state, Oh king of woes!” “No, there is not yet three weeks,” said the demon that had brought her there. “How therefore,” said she, “would you have me be as skilled as those lost beings who have been here three or four centuries hunting their prey? If you desire better service at my hands, let me go free into the world once more to roam about uncensured; and if I bring you not twenty adulterers for every year I am out, mete me what punishment you list.” Nevertheless the verdict went against her, and she was doomed to live a hundred long years under chastisement, that she might be more careful a second time. Presently, another devil entered, pushing to the front a man. “Here is a fine messenger,” he said, “who wandering the other night in his old neighbourhood above, saw a thief stealing a stallion, but could not help him even to catch the foal without showing himself; and the thief, when he saw him, abandoned that career for ever.” “Begging the court’s pardon,” said the man, “if the thief’s child was endowed with power from above to see me, could I help that? Moreover, this is only a single case; ’t is not a hundred years since that day which put an end to all my hopes for ever, and how many of my own family and of my neighbours have I enticed here after me in that time? Perdition hold me, if I am not as dutiful to my trade as the best of you, but the wisest is sometimes at fault.” Then said Lucifer: “Throw him into the school of the fairies, who are still under castigation for their mischievous tricks in days gone by, when they were wont to strangle and threaten their neighbours, and so awaken them from their torpor; for their fear probably had more influence upon them than forty sermons.”

Then came four constables, an accuser, and fifteen of the damned, dragging forward two devils. “Lest you lay the blame of every wrongful service upon the children of Adam,” said the accuser, “here are two of your old angels who misspent their time above as much as the two who were last before the court. Here is a rogue quite as worthless as that one at Shrewsbury the other day, when the Interlude of _Doctor Faustus_ was being played, amidst all manner of most wanton and lascivious revelries, and where many things were going on conducive to the welfare of your realm; when they were busiest, the devil himself appeared to play his part, and so drove all away from pleasure to prayers. Even so this one, in his wanderings over the world: he heard some people talk of walking round the church {104} to see their sweethearts, and what should the fool do but show himself to the simpletons in his own natural form, and though their fright was great they recovered their senses, and made a vow to leave that vanity for ever; whereas had he only assumed the form of some vile jades, they would have held themselves bound to accept those; and so the foul fiend might have been master of the household with both parties, since he himself had mated them. And here is another, who went, last Twelfth Night, to visit two Welsh lasses who were turning their shifts, and instead of enticing them to wantonness in the form of a fair youth, to one he took a bier, to make her thoughts more serious; to the other, he went with the tumult of war in a hellish whirlwind, to make her madder than before; and this was quite needless. Nor was this all; for after he had entered the maiden, and had thrown her about, and sorely tormented her, some of our learned enemies were sent for to pray for her and to cast him out, and instead of tempting her to despair and endeavouring to win over the preachers, he began to preach to them, and to disclose the mysteries of your kingdom, thus aiding their salvation instead of hindering it.” At the word “salvation” I saw some leaping up, a living fire of rage. “Every tale is fair till the other side be told,” quoth the devil, “I hope Lucifer will not allow one of the earth-born race of Adam to contend with me, who am an angel of far superior kind and stock.” “His punishment is certain,” said Lucifer, “but do thou, sirrah, give clear and ready answer to these charges; or by hopeless Hell I will—.” “I have led hither,” said he, “many a soul since Satan was in the Garden of Eden, and I ought to understand my business, better than this upstart accuser.” “Blood of infernal firebrands,” cried Lucifer, “did I not bid thee answer clearly and readily?” “By your leave,” said the demon, “I have preached a hundred times, and have denounced many of the various ways that lead to your confines, and yet at the same breath, have quietly brought them hither safe and sound by some other delusive path, just as I did while preaching recently in the German States, in one of the Faro Isles, and in several other places. In this manner, through my preaching have many Papist beliefs, and old traditions come first into the world, and all in the guise of goodness. For who ever would swallow a baitless hook? Who ever gained credence for a tale which had not some truth mingled with the false, or some little good overshadowing the bad? So, if whilst preaching I can instil one counsel of mine own among a hundred that are good and true, by means of that one, through heedlessness or superstition, will more weal betide your kingdom than woe through all the others ever.” “Well,” said Lucifer, “since thou canst do so much good in the pulpit, I bid thee dwell seven years in the mouth of a barndoor preacher who always utter what first comes to his mind; there thou wilt have an opportunity of putting in a word now and then to thine own purpose.”

There were many more devils and damned darting to and fro like lightning about the awful throne, to count and to receive offices. But suddenly without any warning there came a command for all the messengers and prisoners to depart from the court, each one to his den, leaving the King and his chief counsellors alone together. “Is it not better for us also to depart, lest they find us?” I asked my friend. “Thou needest have no fear,” answered the angel, “no unclean spirit can ever pierce this veil.” Wherefore we remained there invisible, to see the issue.

Then Lucifer began graciously to address his peers thus:—“Ye mightiest spirits of evil, ye archfiends of hellish guile, the utmost of your malicious wiles am I now constrained to demand. All here know that Britain and its adjacent isles is the realm most dangerous to my state, and fullest of mine enemies; and what is a hundredfold worse, there reigns now a queen most dangerous of all, who has never once inclined hither, nor along the old way of Rome on the one hand nor yet along the way of Geneva on the other: to think what great good the Pope has for a long time done us there and Oliver even to this day! What therefore shall we do? I fear me we shall entirely lose our ancient possession of that mart unless we instantly set-to to pave a new way for them to travel over, for they know too well all the old roads that lead hitherwards. Since this invincible hand shortens my chain, and prevents me from going myself to the earth, your advice I pray. Whom shall I appoint my viceroy to oppose yon hateful queen, Our Enemy’s vicegerent?”

“Oh! thou great Emperor of Darkness,” said Cerberus, {106} the demon of tobacco, “’tis I that supply the third of that country’s maintenance, I shall go, and I will despatch you a hundred thousand of your foemen’s souls through a pipe stem.” “In sooth,” said Lucifer, “thou hast done me some good service, what with causing the slaughter of the owners in India and poisoning those that indulge in it, through the saliva, sending many to wander with it idly from house to house, others to steal in order to obtain it, and millions to grow that fond of it that they cannot spend a single day without it, and be in their right mind. For all this, go and do thy best, but thou art nought to our present purpose.”

Whereupon Cerberus sat down; then rose Mammon, the devil of money, and with surly skulking mien began: “’T was I who pointed out the first mine whence money was to be obtained, and ever since I am praised and worshipped more than God, and men lay their pain and peril, all their mind, their affection and their trust upon me, yea, there is no man content, but all crave more of my favor; the more they obtain, the further still are they from rest, until at last, while seeking ease, they come to this region of everlasting woes. How many a crafty old miser have I enticed hither over paths that were harder to traverse than those that lead to the realm of bliss? Whenever a fair was held, a market, assize or election, or any other concourse, who had more subjects than I or greater power and authority? Cursing, swearing, fighting, litigation, falsehood and deceit, beating, clawing, murdering and robbing one another, Sabbath-breaking, perjury, cruelty, and what black mark besides, which stamps men as of Lucifer’s fold, that I have not had a hand in placing? For which reason have I been called ‘the root of all evil.’ Wherefore, an it please your majesty, I will go.”

He ceased. Then Apolyon uprose and spoke: “I know of nought more certain to lead them hither than what brought you here, {107} and that is Pride; once it plants its straight stake in them and puffs them up, there is no need to fear that they will condescend to bear the cross or go through the narrow gate. I will go with your daughter Pride, and before they can realise where they are, I will drive the Welsh hither headlong while admiring the pomp of the English, and the English while imitating the vivacity of the French.”

After him arose Asmodai, the devil of lust: “’T is not unknown to you, mightiest King of the deep, nor to you, princes of the land of despair, how many of the gulfs of hell have I filled through voluptuousness and lewdness. What of the time I kindled such a flame of lust over all the world that the deluge had needs be sent to clear the earth of men, and to sweep them all into our unquenchable fire? What of Sodoma and Gomorrah, fine and fair cities, which I so consumed with licentiousness that a hell-shower blazed in their infernal lusts and beat them down here alive, to burn for ages on ages. And what of the great hosts of the Assyrians, who were all slain in one night on my account? I disappointed Sarah of seven husbands’ {108} and Solomon and many a thousand other kings did I bring to shame through women. Wherefore let me and this sweet sin go, and I will kindle the hellish spark so generally that it will at length become one with this inextinguishable flame, for scarce one will ever return from following me to walk in the paths of life.” At that he sat down.

Then Belphegor, chief of sloth and idleness, stood up and spake thus: “I am the great prince of listlessness and sloth, who have great influence upon millions of all sorts and conditions of men; I am that stagnant pond where the spawn of every evil is bred, where the dregs of every corruption and baleful slime grows rank. What good wouldst thou be, Asmodai, or ye, chief damned evils, were I not? I, who keep the windows open and unguarded that ye may enter into the man when ye will, through his eyes, his ears and his mouth. I will go and roll them all over the precipice unto you in their sleep.”

Then Satan, the devil of delusion, who was on Lucifer’s left hand, arose, and turning his grim visage to the king, began: “It is unnecessary for me to recount my deeds to thee, Oh lost Archangel, or to you, swarthy princes of Destruction: for ’twas I who dealt the first blow to man, and mighty was that blow, to be the cause of death from the beginning of the world to its end. Is it likely that I, who erst ravaged all the earth, could not now give advice that would serve one little isle? Could not I, who deceived Eve in Paradise, overcome Anne in Britain? If inborn craft and continuous experience for five thousand years profit aught, my advice is that you adorn your daughter Hypocrisy to deceive Britain and its queen: you have no other as serviceable as she; her sway extends more widely than that of all the rest of your daughters, and her subjects are more numerous. Was it not through her that I beguiled the first woman? And ever since she has remained on earth and waxed very great therein, so that by now the world is hardly anything but one mass of hypocrisy. And were it not for the craftiness of Hypocrisy how could anyone of us do business in any part of the world? For what man would ever have aught to do with sin, did he once behold it in its true color and under its own proper name? He would sooner clasp a devil in his own infernal shape and garb. If it were not that Hypocrisy can disguise the name and nature of every evil under the semblance of some good, and give a bad name to every goodness, no man at all would put forth his hand to do evil or would lust after it. Walk through the entire city of Destruction and ye will perceive her greatness in every quarter. Go to the street of Pride and ask for an arrogant man or for a penny-worth of affectation mixed through pride: ‘Woe is me,’ exclaims Hypocrisy, ‘there is no such thing here,’ no, nor for a devil, anything else in the whole street save proud demeanour. Or walk into the street of Lucre and enquire for the miser’s house: pshaw, there is no one of the kind therein; or for the dwelling of the murderer among the doctors, or for the abode of highwaymen amongst the drovers; thou wouldst sooner be thrown to prison for asking than that one should confess to his own name. Yea, Hypocrisy crawls in between a man and his own heart, and so skilfully does she hide every wrong under the name and guise of some virtue that she has caused well nigh all to lose cognisance of their own selves. Greed she calls thrift; in her tongue riotous living is innocent joy; pride is courtesy; the froward, a clever, courageous man; the drunkard, a boon companion; and adultery is a mere freak of youth. On the other hand, if she and her scholars’ {110} are to be believed, the godly is a hypocrite or a fool; the gentle, a coward; the abstemious, a churl, and so for every other quality. Send her thither in all her adornment, and I warrant you she will deceive everyone; she will blinden the counsellors, the soldiers, and all the officers of church and state, and will draw them hither in hurrying multitudes with the varicolored mask upon their eyes.” Whereupon he too sat down.

Then Beelzebub, the devil of thoughtlessness stood up, and in a harsh voice said: “I am the great prince of heedlessness whose duty it is to prevent a man taking reflective heed of his state; I am chief of the incessant hell-flies who utterly amaze men, ever dinning in their ears concerning their possessions or their pleasures, and never willingly allowing them a moment’s leisure to think of their ways or of their end. No one of you must dare enter the lists against me in feats serviceable to the realm of darkness. For what is tobacco, but one of my meanest weapons to stupefy the brain? What is Mammon’s kingdom but a part of my great dominion? Yea, were I to loosen the bonds I have upon the subjects of Mammon and Pride, and even of Asmodai, Belphegor and Hypocrisy, no man would for an instant abide their domination. Wherefore I will do the work and let no one of you ever utter a word.”

Then great Lucifer himself arose from his burning seat, and having turned his hideous face to both sides, thus began: “Ye chief spirits of the Eternal Night, princes of hopeless guile, although the vasty gloom and the wilds of Destruction are more bounden to none for their inhabitants than to mine own supreme majesty—for it was I who erewhile wishing to usurp the Almighty’s throne, drew myriads of you, my swarthy angels, at my tail into these deadly horrors, and afterwards drew unto you myriads of men to share this region—yet there is no gainsay that ye all have done your share in maintaining and extending this great infernal empire.” Then he began to answer them one by one: “Considering thy recent origin, Cerberus, I will not deny but that thou hast gained for us much prey in the island of our foes through tobacco. For they that carry, mix, and weigh it, practise all manner of fraud; and by its indulgence some are led on to habitual drinking, some to curse and swear, and some to seek it through blandishment, and to lie in denying their use of it—not to speak of the injury it inflicts upon many, and its immoderate use upon all, body as well as soul. And better than that, myriads of the poor, whom else we never should touch, sink hither through laying the burden of their affection upon tobacco, and allowing it to be their master, to steal the bread from their children’s mouth. Then, brother Mammon, your power is so universal and so well-known on earth that it is a proverb, ‘Everything may be had for money.’ And without doubt,” said he, turning to Apolyon, “my beloved daughter Pride is most serviceable to us, for what can there be more pernicious to a man’s estate, to his body and soul, than that proud, obdurate opinion which will make him squander a hundred pounds rather than yield a crown to secure peace. She keeps them all so stiff-necked and so intent on things on high that it is amusing to see them, while gazing upwards, and ‘extolling their heads to the stars’ fall straightway into the depths of hell. You too, Asmodai, we all remember your great services in the past; there is none more resolute than you to keep safe his prisoners under lock and key, nor any so unimpeachable. Nowadays a wanton freak provokes only a little laughter, but you came near perishing there from famine during the recent years of dearth. And you, my son Belphegor, verminous prince of sloth, no one has afforded us more pleasure than you; your influence is exceeding great among noblemen and also among the common people, even to the beggar. And were it not for the skill of my daughter Hypocrisy in coloring and adorning, who ever would swallow a single one of our hooks? But after all, if it were not for the unwearying courage of my brother Beelzebub in keeping men in heedless dazedness, ye all would not be worth a straw. Let us once more recapitulate. What good wouldst thou be, Cerberus, with thy foreign whiff, if Mammon did not succour thee? What merchant would ever run such risks to obtain thy paltry leaves from India, except for Mammon’s sake? And only for him what king would receive them, especially into Britain, and who but for his sake would carry them to every part of the kingdom? Yet how worthless thou too wouldst be, Mammon, if Pride did not lavish thee upon fair mansions, fine clothes, needless lawsuits, gardens and horses, extravagant relatives, numerous dishes, floods of beer and ale, beyond the power and station of their owner; for if money were spent within the limit of necessity and of becoming moderation, what would Mammon avail us? Thus thou art nought without Pride; and little would Pride profit without Wantonness, for bastards are the most numerous and the most fierce of all the subjects of my daughter Pride. And thou, Asmodai, what wouldst thou profit us were it not for Sloth and Idleness? Where wouldst thou obtain a night’s lodging? Thou wouldst not dare expect it from a laborer or diligent student. And who, for the dishonor and the shame, would ever give thee, Belphegor the Slothful, a moment’s welcome, if Hypocrisy did not disguise thy foulness under the name of an internal disease, or as a good intent or a seeming despisal of wealth or the like. She too—my dear daughter Hypocrisy—what good is or ever would she be, notwithstanding her skill as a seamstress, and her boldness, without thy aid, my eldest brother, Beelzebub, great chief of Distraction: if he gave people peace and leisure to reflect seriously upon the nature of things and their differences, how long would it take them to find holes in the folds of Hypocrisy’s golden garments, and to see the hooks through the bait? What man in his senses would gather together toys and fleeting pleasures, surfeiting, vain and disgraceful, and choose them in preference to a calm conscience and the bliss of a glorious eternity? Who would refuse to suffer the pangs of martyrdom for his faith for an hour or a day, or affliction for forty or sixty years, if he considered that his neighbours suffer here in an hour more than he could suffer on earth for ever. Tobacco is nothing without Money, or Money without Pride, and Pride is but a weakling without Wantonness, nor is Wantonness aught without Sloth, nor Sloth without Hypocrisy, nor Hypocrisy without Thoughtlessness. Wherefore, now,” said Lucifer, lifting his infernal hoofs on their claw-ends, “to give my own opinion: however excellent all these may be, I have a friend better suited than all to our foe of Britain.” Then could I see all the archfiends open wide their horrid mouths upon Lucifer in eager expectation as to what this could possibly be, while I too was as anxious as they. “A friend,” continued Lucifer, “whose true worth I have too long neglected, just as thou, Satan, tempting Job of yore, didst foolishly turn upon him with severity. This, my kinswoman, I now appoint regent in all matters appertaining to my kingdom on earth, next to myself. Her name is Prosperity: she has damned more than all of you together, and little would ye avail without her presence. For who in war or peril, in famine or in plague, would lay any value by tobacco, or by money or by the sprightliness of pride, or who would deign welcome licentiousness or sloth? And men in such straits are too wide-awake to be distraught by Hypocrisy, or even by Thoughtlessness; none of the infernal vermin of Distraction dare show himself in one such storm. Whereas Prosperity, with its ease and comfort, is the nurse of all of you; beneath her peaceful shadow and upon her tranquil bosom ye all are nourished, and every other hellish worm that has its place in the conscience and will be for ever here gnawing its possessor. As long as one is at ease, there is no talk but of merriment, of feasts, bargains, genealogies, tales, news and the like; the name of God is never mentioned except in profane oaths and curses, whereas the poor and the afflicted have His name upon their lips and in their hearts always. Go ye, the seven of you, and follow her and be mindful to keep all a-slumbering and in peace, in good fortune, in ease and in perfect carelessness; then shall ye see the honest poor become an untractable, arrogant knave, once he has quaffed of the alluring cup of Prosperity; ye shall behold the diligent laborer become a careless babbler and everything else that pleases you. For all seek and love happy Prosperity; she neither hearkens to advice nor fears censure; the good she knows not, the bad she nurtures. But this is the greatest mishap: the man that escapes her sweet charms must be given up in despair, we must bid farewell to his company for ever. Prosperity then is my earthly vicegerent; follow her to Britain, and obey her as ye would our own royal majesty.”

At that instant the huge bolt was whirled, and Lucifer and his chief counsellors were swept away into the vortex of Uttermost Perdition; woe’s me, how terrible it was to behold the jaws of Hell yawning wide to receive them! “Come now,” said the Angel, “we will return, but what thou hast seen is as nothing compared with all that is within the bounds of Hell; and if thou didst see everything therein that again would be as nought when compared with the unutterable woe of the Bottomless Pit; for it is impossible to have any conception of the life in the Uttermost Hell.” Then suddenly the heavenly Eagle caught me up into the vault of the accursed gloom by a way I knew not, where, from the court, across the entire firmament of dark-burning Perdition, and all the land of oblivion up to the ramparts of the City of Destruction, I obtained full view of the hideous monster of a giantess whose feet I had previously observed. “Words fail me to describe her ways and means; but of herself I can tell thee, that she was a three-faced ogress: one villainous face turned towards Heaven, yelping and snarling and belching forth cursèd abomination against the heavenly King; another face (and this was fair to look upon) towards earth, to allure men beneath her baneful shadow; and the other direful face towards the infernal abyss, to torture all therein for ages without end. She is greater than the earth in its entirety, and still continuously increases; she is a hundredfold more hideous than all Hell which she herself created and which she peoples. If Hell were rid of her, the vasty deep would be a Paradise; if she were driven from the earth, the little world would become a heaven; and if she ascended into Heaven, she would make an uttermost hell of that blissful realm. There is nought in all the worlds which God has not created, save her alone. She is the mother of the four deadly enchantresses; she is the mother of Death and of all evil and misery, and her terrible grasp is upon every living being. Her name is Sin. Blessed, ever blessed be he who escapes from her clutches,” said the Angel. Thereupon he departed, and I could hear the distant echo of his voice saying; “Write down what thou hast seen; and whosoever readeth it thoughtfully will never repent.”

WITH HEAVY HEART.

With heavy heart I sought th’ infernal coast
And saw the vale of everlasting woes,
The awful home of fiends and of the lost
Where torments rage and never grant repose—
A lake of fire whence horrid flames arose
And whither tended every wayward path
Its prey to lead ’midst cruel dragon-foes;
Yet, though I wandered through withouten scath,
A world I’d spurn, to view again that scene of wrath.

With heavy heart oft I recall to mind
How many a loving friend unwarnèd fell
To bottomless perdition, there to find
A dread abode where he for aye must dwell;
Who erst were men are now like hounds of Hell
And with unceasing energy entice
To dire combustion all with wily spell,
And to themselves have ta’en the devils’ guise,
Their power and skill all ill to do in every wise.

With heavy heart I roamed the dismal land
That is ordained the sinner’s end to be;
What mighty waves surge wild on every hand!
What gloomy shadows haunt its canopy!
What horrors fall on high and mean degree!
How hideous is the mien of its fell lords,
What shrieks rise from that boundless glowing sea,
How fierce the curses of the damnèd hordes,
No mortal ken can e’er conceive or paint in words.

With heavy heart we mourn true friends or kin
And grieve the loss of home, of liberty,
Of that good name which all aspire to win
Or health and ease and sweet tranquility;
When dim, dark clouds enshroud our memory
And pass ’tween us and heaven’s gracious smiles,
’Tis sadder far to wake to misery
And feel that Pleasure now no more beguiles,
That sin has left nought but the wounds of its base wiles.

With heavy heart the valiantest of men
Lays low his head beneath th’ impending doom;
In terror he descends death’s awsome glen;
While there appear flashing through the gloom
The lurid shades of deeds which in the bloom
Of youth he dared; at last the conscience cries
With ruthless voice: “There’s life beyond the tomb;”
His dying thoughts all vanities despise
As on the threshold of Eternity he lies.

The heavy heart that suffers all such grief
May, while the breath of life doth still remain,
Hope for a joyous peace and blest relief;
But if grim Death his fated victim gain,
Woe’s him that entereth the realm of pain—
For e’er on him its frowning portals close,
Nor gleam of hope shall he perceive again,
For in that vast eternal night he knows
A woe awaits that far surpasseth earthly woes.

The heavy heart beneath its weight is crushed,
And at its very name—Damnation writ,
All men their vain and froward clamors hushed;
But when within the fiery gaping pit
Whose flaming ramparts none will ever quit,
Above the thunder’s roar th’ accursed host
Raise such loud cries, it passeth human wit
To dream of aught so dire, for at the most,
All woes of earth as pleasures seem unto the lost.

From every vain complaining, cease, my friend,
Since thou art yet not numbered with the dead
But turn thy thoughts unto thy destined end,
Behold thy Fates spin out the vital thread,
And oftèn as thy mind to Hell be led,
To contemplate the doleful gloom aglow,
There will forthwith possess thee such a dread,
Which Christ’s unbounded mercy doth bestow,
Lest thou be doomed to that eternal realm of woe.

NOTES

In the book this note section contains footnotes for the preceding text. Each note is numbered by the page on which it occurs and as such are just footnotes poorly done. They have been turned back into footnotes in the eBook.—DP.

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{0} The genealogical tables in the book are in graphical form. The content is reproduced below as text—DP.

ELLIS WYNNE’S PEDIGREE

William Wynne of Glyn [Cywarch]. Sheriff of Merioneth 1618 & 1637. D. 1658. 12th in direct male descent from Osborn Wyddel = Catherine, daughter of William Lewis Anwyl of Park. Died 1638. Child: Ellis Wynne [1], 3rd son who probably lived at Maes-y-garnedd, Llanbedr.

Ellis Wynne [1] = Lowri, only daughter and heiress of Ed. Jones of Maes-y-garnedd, eldest borther of Col. Jones, Cromwell’s brother-in-law who was executed in 1660 as a regicide. Children: Edward Wynne [1]

Edward Wynne [1] = . . . heiress of Glasynys. Children: daughter; ELLIS WYNNE [2].

ELLIS WYNNE [2] = Lowri Llwyd of Hafod-lwyfog Beddgelert. Children: William [1] Rector of Llanaber; Ellis, died 1752; Catherine, died young; Edward [1], Rector of Penmorfa; Mary [1].

William [1] = . . . Lloyd of Trallwyn. Children: Daughter [1].

Daughter [1] = Robert Puw of Garth Maelan: Child: John Wynne Puw.

John Wynne Puw’s children: Robert and John.

Edward [1] had children: Frances; Ellis [3], Rector of Llanferres.

Ellis [3] had children: Elizabeth; Ann; Edward; John, Rector of Llandrillo; Frances; Ellis.

Mary [1] = Robert Own of Tygwyn Dolgellau.

THE RELATION BETWEEN ELLIS WYNNE & BISHOP HUMPHREYS.

Meredydd ap Evan ap Robert (11th in male descent from Owen Gwynedd). Died 1525. = Margaret, daughter of Morris ap John ap Meredydd of Clunnenau. Child: Humphrey Wynne ap Meredydd [1] of Gesail-gyfarch.

Humphrey Wynne ap Meredydd [1] = Catherine, daughter and heiress of Evan ap Griffith of Cwmbowydd. Children: John Wynne ap Humphrey [1] of Gesail-gyfarch; Evan Llwyd [1] of Hafod-lwyfog.

John Wynne ap Humphrey [1] = Catherine, daughter of William Wynne ap William of Cochwillan. Child: Robert Wynne [1] died 1637.

Robert Wynne [1] = Mary, daughter of Ellis ap Cadwaladr of Ystumllyn. Children: John Wynne [2]; Margaret, [2] succeeded to Gesail-gyfarch on her nephew’s death.

John Wynne [2] = Jane, daughter of Evan Llwyd of Dylase. Child: Robert Wynne of Gesail-gyfarch, Barr.-at-law. Ob. s. p. 1685.

Margaret [2] = Richard Humphreys of Hendref Gwenllian, Penrhyndeudraeth. Desceneded in male line from Marchweithian. An Officer in the Royal Army through Civil War. Died 1699. Children: HUMPHREY [1]. Born 1648. Dean of Bangor, 1680, Bishop 1689. Bishop of Hereford, 1701. Died 1712; John, died at Oxford; Catherine.

HUMPHREY [1] = Elizabeth, daughter of Dr. Morgan Bishop of Bangor 1678, son of Rd. Morgan, M.P. for Montgomery Boroughs. Children: Ann, ob. s. p. 1698; Margaret [1], died 1759.

Margaret [1] = John Llwyd of Penylan, Barr.-at-law, son of Dr. W. Lloyd, Bishop of Norwich, deprived in 1691 as one of the Nonjurors.

Evan Llwyd [1] = Catherine, Daughter of Griffith Wynne of Penyberth. Child: John [3]

John [3] had children: Griffith [1] and Evans.

Griffith [1] had children: William ob. s. p.; LOWRI.

LOWRI = ELLIS WYNNE.

{0a} “A Catalogue of Graduates in the University of Oxford between 1659 and 1850” contains the following entry:—“Wynne (Ellis) Jes. BA., Oct. 14, 1718, MA., June 13, 1722.” But one can hardly suppose this to have been the _Bardd Cwsr_, as in 1718 he would be 47 years of age.

{0b} The following entries are taken from the register at Llanfair-juxta-Harlech:—“_Elizaeus Wynne Generosus de Lâsynys et Lowria Lloyd de Havod-lwyfog in agro Arvonensi in matrimonio conjuncti fuere decimo quarto die Feb. 1702_.”

{0c} “_Elizaeus Wynne junr. de Lâsynys sepultus est decimo die Octobris A.D. 1732_.”

{0d} “_Owenus Edwards cler. nuper Rector hums ecclesiae sepultus est tricesimo die Maii A.D. 1711_.” (From the Llanfair parish register.)