Chapter 12

I had for some time past, dwelt upon the prospect of our being
reduced to this last horrible extremity, and had secretly made up
my mind to suffer death in any shape or under any circumstances
rather than resort to such a course. Nor was this resolution in
any degree weakened by the present intensity of hunger under
which I laboured. The proposition had not been heard by either
Peters or Augustus. I therefore took Parker aside; and mentally
praying to God for power to dissuade him from the horrible
purpose he entertained, I expostulated with him for a long time,
and in the most supplicating manner, begging him in the name of
every thing which he held sacred, and urging him by every species
of argument which the extremity of the case suggested, to abandon
the idea, and not to mention it to either of the other two.

He heard all I said without attempting to controvert any of my
arguments, and I had begun to hope that he would be prevailed
upon to do as I desired. But when I had ceased speaking, he said
that he knew very well all I had said was true, and that to
resort to such a course was the most horrible alternative which
could enter into the mind of man; but that he had now held out as
long as human nature could be sustained; that it was unnecessary
for all to perish, when, by the death of one, it was possible,
and even probable, that the rest might be finally preserved;
adding that I might save myself the trouble of trying to turn him
from his purpose, his mind having been thoroughly made up on the
subject even before the appearance of the ship, and that only her
heaving in sight had prevented him from mentioning his intention
at an earlier period.

I now begged him, if he would not be prevailed upon to abandon
his design, at least to defer it for another day, when some
vessel might come to our relief; again reiterating every argument
I could devise, and which I thought likely to have influence with
one of his rough nature. He said, in reply, that he had not
spoken until the very last possible moment, that he could exist
no longer without sustenance of some kind, and that therefore in
another day his suggestion would be too late, as regarded himself
at least.

Finding that he was not to be moved by anything I could say in a
mild tone, I now assumed a different demeanor, and told him that
he must be aware I had suffered less than any of us from our
calamities; that my health and strength, consequently, were at
that moment far better than his own, or than that either of
Peters or Augustus; in short, that I was in a condition to have
my own way by force if I found it necessary; and that if he
attempted in any manner to acquaint the others with his bloody
and cannibal designs, I would not hesitate to throw him into the
sea. Upon this he immediately seized me by the throat, and
drawing a knife, made several ineffectual efforts to stab me in
the stomach; an atrocity which his excessive debility alone
prevented him from accomplishing. In the meantime, being roused
to a high pitch of anger, I forced him to the vessel’s side, with
the full intention of throwing him overboard. He was saved from
his fate, however, by the interference of Peters, who now
approached and separated us, asking the cause of the disturbance.
This Parker told before I could find means in any manner to
prevent him.

The effect of his words was even more terrible than what I had
anticipated. Both Augustus and Peters, who, it seems, had long
secretly entertained the same fearful idea which Parker had been
merely the first to broach, joined with him in his design and
insisted upon its immediately being carried into effect. I had
calculated that one at least of the two former would be found
still possessed of sufficient strength of mind to side with
myself in resisting any attempt to execute so dreadful a purpose,
and, with the aid of either one of them, I had no fear of being
able to prevent its accomplishment. Being disappointed in this
expectation, it became absolutely necessary that I should attend
to my own safety, as a further resistance on my part might
possibly be considered by men in their frightful condition a
sufficient excuse for refusing me fair play in the tragedy that I
knew would speedily be enacted.

I now told them I was willing to submit to the proposal, merely
requesting a delay of about one hour, in order that the fog which
had gathered around us might have an opportunity of lifting, when
it was possible that the ship we had seen might be again in
sight. After great difficulty I obtained from them a promise to
wait thus long; and, as I had anticipated (a breeze rapidly
coming in), the fog lifted before the hour had expired, when, no
vessel appearing in sight, we prepared to draw lots.

It is with extreme reluctance that I dwell upon the appalling
scene which ensued; a scene which, with its minutest details, no
after events have been able to efface in the slightest degree
from my memory, and whose stern recollection will embitter every
future moment of my existence. Let me run over this portion of my
narrative with as much haste as the nature of the events to be
spoken of will permit. The only method we could devise for the
terrific lottery, in which we were to take each a chance, was
that of drawing straws. Small splinters of wood were made to
answer our purpose, and it was agreed that I should be the
holder. I retired to one end of the hulk, while my poor
companions silently took up their station in the other with their
backs turned toward me. The bitterest anxiety which I endured at
any period of this fearful drama was while I occupied myself in
the arrangement of the lots. There are few conditions into which
man can possibly fall where he will not feel a deep interest in
the preservation of his existence; an interest momentarily
increasing with the frailness of the tenure by which that
existence may be held. But now that the silent, definite, and
stern nature of the business in which I was engaged (so different
from the tumultuous dangers of the storm or the gradually
approaching horrors of famine) allowed me to reflect on the few
chances I had of escaping the most appalling of deaths—a death
for the most appalling of purposes—every particle of that energy
which had so long buoyed me up departed like feathers before the
wind, leaving me a helpless prey to the most abject and pitiable
terror. I could not, at first, even summon up sufficient strength
to tear and fit together the small splinters of wood, my fingers
absolutely refusing their office, and my knees knocking violently
against each other. My mind ran over rapidly a thousand absurd
projects by which to avoid becoming a partner in the awful
speculation. I thought of falling on my knees to my companions,
and entreating them to let me escape this necessity; of suddenly
rushing upon them, and, by putting one of them to death, of
rendering the decision by lot useless—in short, of every thing
but of going through with the matter I had in hand. At last,
after wasting a long time in this imbecile conduct, I was
recalled to my senses by the voice of Parker, who urged me to
relieve them at once from the terrible anxiety they were
enduring. Even then I could not bring myself to arrange the
splinters upon the spot, but thought over every species of
finesse by which I could trick some one of my fellow-sufferers to
draw the short straw, as it had been agreed that whoever drew the
shortest of four splinters from my hand was to die for the
preservation of the rest. Before any one condemn me for this
apparent heartlessness, let him be placed in a situation
precisely similar to my own.

At length delay was no longer possible, and, with a heart almost
bursting from my bosom, I advanced to the region of the
forecastle, where my companions were awaiting me. I held out my
hand with the splinters, and Peters immediately drew. He was
free—his, at least, was not the shortest; and there was now
another chance against my escape. I summoned up all my strength,
and passed the lots to Augustus. He also drew immediately, and he
also was free; and now, whether I should live or die, the chances
were no more than precisely even. At this moment all the
fierceness of the tiger possessed my bosom, and I felt toward my
poor fellow-creature, Parker, the most intense, the most
diabolical hatred. But the feeling did not last; and, at length,
with a convulsive shudder and closed eyes, I held out the two
remaining splinters toward him. It was fully five minutes before
he could summon resolution to draw, during which period of
heartrending suspense I never once opened my eyes. Presently one
of the two lots was quickly drawn from my hand. The decision was
then over, yet I knew not whether it was for me or against me. No
one spoke, and still I dared not satisfy myself by looking at the
splinter I held. Peters at length took me by the hand, and I
forced myself to look up, when I immediately saw by the
countenance of Parker that I was safe, and that he it was who had
been doomed to suffer. Gasping for breath, I fell senseless to
the deck.

I recovered from my swoon in time to behold the consummation of
the tragedy in the death of him who had been chiefly instrumental
in bringing it about. He made no resistance whatever, and was
stabbed in the back by Peters, when he fell instantly dead. I
must not dwell upon the fearful repast which immediately ensued.
Such things may be imagined, but words have no power to impress
the mind with the exquisite horror of their reality. Let it
suffice to say that, having in some measure appeased the raging
thirst which consumed us by the blood of the victim, and having
by common consent taken off the hands, feet, and head, throwing
them together with the entrails, into the sea, we devoured the
rest of the body, piecemeal, during the four ever memorable days
of the seventeenth, eighteenth, nineteenth, and twentieth of the
month.

On the nineteenth, there coming on a smart shower which lasted
fifteen or twenty minutes, we contrived to catch some water by
means of a sheet which had been fished up from the cabin by our
drag just after the gale. The quantity we took in all did not
amount to more than half a gallon; but even this scanty allowance
supplied us with comparative strength and hope.

On the twenty-first we were again reduced to the last necessity.
The weather still remained warm and pleasant, with occasional
fogs and light breezes, most usually from N. to W.

On the twenty-second, as we were sitting close huddled together,
gloomily revolving over our lamentable condition, there flashed
through my mind all at once an idea which inspired me with a
bright gleam of hope. I remembered that, when the foremast had
been cut away, Peters, being in the windward chains, passed one
of the axes into my hand, requesting me to put it, if possible,
in a place of security, and that a few minutes before the last
heavy sea struck the brig and filled her I had taken this axe
into the forecastle and laid it in one of the larboard berths. I
now thought it possible that, by getting at this axe, we might
cut through the deck over the storeroom, and thus readily supply
ourselves with provisions.

When I communicated this object to my companions, they uttered a
feeble shout of joy, and we all proceeded forthwith to the
forecastle. The difficulty of descending here was greater than
that of going down in the cabin, the opening being much smaller,
for it will be remembered that the whole framework about the
cabin companion-hatch had been carried away, whereas the
forecastle-way, being a simple hatch of only about three feet
square, had remained uninjured. I did not hesitate, however, to
attempt the descent; and a rope being fastened round my body as
before, I plunged boldly in, feet foremost, made my way quickly
to the berth, and at the first attempt brought up the axe. It was
hailed with the most ecstatic joy and triumph, and the ease with
which it had been obtained was regarded as an omen of our
ultimate preservation.

We now commenced cutting at the deck with all the energy of
rekindled hope, Peters and myself taking the axe by turns,
Augustus’s wounded arm not permitting him to aid us in any
degree. As we were still so feeble as to be scarcely able to
stand unsupported, and could consequently work but a minute or
two without resting, it soon became evident that many long hours
would be necessary to accomplish our task—that is, to cut an
opening sufficiently large to admit of a free access to the
storeroom. This consideration, however, did not discourage us;
and, working all night by the light of the moon, we succeeded in
effecting our purpose by daybreak on the morning of the
twenty-third.

Peters now volunteered to go down; and, having made all
arrangements as before, he descended, and soon returned bringing
up with him a small jar, which, to our great joy, proved to be
full of olives. Having shared these among us, and devoured them
with the greatest avidity, we proceeded to let him down again.
This time he succeeded beyond our utmost expectations, returning
instantly with a large ham and a bottle of Madeira wine. Of the
latter we each took a moderate sup, having learned by experience
the pernicious consequences of indulging too freely. The ham,
except about two pounds near the bone, was not in a condition to
be eaten, having been entirely spoiled by the salt water. The
sound part was divided among us. Peters and Augustus, not being
able to restrain their appetite, swallowed theirs upon the
instant; but I was more cautious, and ate but a small portion of
mine, dreading the thirst which I knew would ensue. We now rested
a while from our labors, which had been intolerably severe.

By noon, feeling somewhat strengthened and refreshed, we again
renewed our attempt at getting up provisions, Peters and myself
going down alternately, and always with more or less success,
until sundown. During this interval we had the good fortune to
bring up, altogether, four more small jars of olives, another
ham, a carboy containing nearly three gallons of excellent Cape
Madeira wine, and, what gave us still more delight, a small
tortoise of the Gallipago breed, several of which had been taken
on board by Captain Barnard, as the _Grampus_ was leaving port,
from the schooner _Mary Pitts_, just returned from a sealing
voyage in the Pacific.

In a subsequent portion of this narrative I shall have frequent
occasion to mention this species of tortoise. It is found
principally, as most of my readers may know, in the group of
islands called the Gallipagos, which, indeed, derive their name
from the animal—the Spanish word Gallipago meaning a fresh-water
terrapin. From the peculiarity of their shape and action they
have been sometimes called the elephant tortoise. They are
frequently found of an enormous size. I have myself seen several
which would weigh from twelve to fifteen hundred pounds, although
I do not remember that any navigator speaks of having seen them
weighing more than eight hundred. Their appearance is singular,
and even disgusting. Their steps are very slow, measured, and
heavy, their bodies being carried about a foot from the ground.
Their neck is long, and exceedingly slender, from eighteen inches
to two feet is a very common length, and I killed one, where the
distance from the shoulder to the extremity of the head was no
less than three feet ten inches. The head has a striking
resemblance to that of a serpent. They can exist without food for
an almost incredible length of time, instances having been known
where they have been thrown into the hold of a vessel and lain
two years without nourishment of any kind—being as fat, and, in
every respect, in as good order at the expiration of the time as
when they were first put in. In one particular these
extraordinary animals bear a resemblance to the dromedary, or
camel of the desert. In a bag at the root of the neck they carry
with them a constant supply of water. In some instances, upon
killing them after a full year’s deprivation of all nourishment,
as much as three gallons of perfectly sweet and fresh water have
been found in their bags. Their food is chiefly wild parsley and
celery, with purslain, sea-kelp, and prickly pears, upon which
latter vegetable they thrive wonderfully, a great quantity of it
being usually found on the hillsides near the shore wherever the
animal itself is discovered. They are excellent and highly
nutritious food, and have, no doubt, been the means of preserving
the lives of thousands of seamen employed in the whale-fishery
and other pursuits in the Pacific.

The one which we had the good fortune to bring up from the
storeroom was not of a large size, weighing probably sixty-five
or seventy pounds. It was a female, and in excellent condition,
being exceedingly fat, and having more than a quart of limpid and
sweet water in its bag. This was indeed a treasure; and, falling
on our knees with one accord, we returned fervent thanks to God
for so seasonable a relief.

We had great difficulty in getting the animal up through the
opening, as its struggles were fierce and its strength
prodigious. It was upon the point of making its escape from
Peter’s grasp, and slipping back into the water, when Augustus,
throwing a rope with a slipknot around its throat, held it up in
this manner until I jumped into the hole by the side of Peters,
and assisted him in lifting it out.

The water we drew carefully from the bag into the jug; which, it
will be remembered, had been brought up before from the cabin.
Having done this, we broke off the neck of a bottle so as to
form, with the cork, a kind of glass, holding not quite half a
gill. We then each drank one of these measures full, and resolved
to limit ourselves to this quantity per day as long as it should
hold out.

During the last two or three days, the weather having been dry
and pleasant, the bedding we had obtained from the cabin, as well
as our clothing, had become thoroughly dry, so that we passed
this night (that of the twenty-third) in comparative comfort,
enjoying a tranquil repose, after having supped plentifully on
olives and ham, with a small allowance of the wine. Being afraid
of losing some of our stores overboard during the night, in the
event of a breeze springing up, we secured them as well as
possible with cordage to the fragments of the windlass. Our
tortoise, which we were anxious to preserve alive as long as we
could, we threw on its back, and otherwise carefully fastened.