Chapter I: Front Matter

THE WORKS OF ROBERT G. INGERSOLL

"The Destroyer Of Weeds, Thistles And Thorns Is A Benefactor, Whether He Soweth Grain Or Not."

IN TWELVE VOLUMES, VOLUME I.

LECTURES

1901

THE DRESDEN PUBLISHING CO.

TO

EVA A. INGERSOLL,

MY WIFE,

A WOMAN WITHOUT SUPERSTITION,

THIS VOLUME

IS DEDICATED.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

FOR THE USE OF MAN,

CONTENTS OF VOLUME I.

THE GODS.

(1872.)

An Honest God is the Noblest Work of Man--Resemblance of Gods to their Creators--Manufacture and Characteristics of Deities--Their Amours--Deficient in many Departments of Knowledge--Pleased with the Butchery of Unbelievers--A Plentiful Supply--Visitations--One God's Laws of War--The Book called the Bible--Heresy of Universalism--Faith an unhappy mixture of Insanity and Ignorance--Fallen Gods, or Devils--Directions concerning Human Slavery--The first Appearance of the Devil--The Tree of Knowledge--Give me the Storm and Tempest of Thought--Gods and Devils Natural Productions--Personal Appearance of Deities--All Man's Ideas suggested by his Surroundings--Phenomena Supposed to be Produced by Intelligent Powers--Insanity and Disease attributed to Evil Spirits--Origin of the Priesthood--Temptation of Christ--Innate Ideas--Divine Interference--Special Providence--The Crane and the Fish--Cancer as a proof of Design--Matter and Force--Miracle--Passing the Hat for just one Fact--Sir William Hamilton on Cause and Effect--The Phenomena of Mind--Necessity and Free Will--The Dark Ages--The Originality of Repetition--Of what Use have the Gods been to Man?--Paley and Design--Make Good Health Contagious--Periodicity of the Universe and the Commencement of Intellectual Freedom--Lesson of the ineffectual attempt to rescue the Tomb of Christ from the Mohammedans--The Cemetery of the Gods--Taking away Crutches--Imperial Reason

HUMBOLDT.

(1869.)

The Universe is Governed by Law--The Self-made Man--Poverty generally an Advantage--Humboldt's Birth-place--His desire for Travel--On what Humboldt's Fame depends--His Companions and Friends--Investigations in the New World--A Picture--Subjects of his Addresses--Victory of the Church over Philosophy--Influence of the discovery that the World is governed by Law--On the term Law--Copernicus--Astronomy--Aryabhatta-- Descartes--Condition of the World and Man when the morning of Science Dawned--Reasons for Honoring Humboldt--The World his Monument

THOMAS PAINE.

(1870.)

With his Name left out the History of Liberty cannot be Written--Paine's Origin and Condition--His arrival in America with a Letter of Introduction by Franklin--Condition of the Colonies--"Common Sense"--A new Nation Born--Paine the Best of Political Writers--The "Crisis"--War not to the Interest of a trading Nation--Paine's Standing at the Close of the Revolution--Close of the Eighteenth Century in France-The "Rights of Man"--Paine Prosecuted in England--"The World is my Country"--Elected to the French Assembly--Votes against the Death of the King--Imprisoned--A look behind the Altar--The "Age of Reason"--His Argument against the Bible as a Revelation--Christianity of Paine's Day--A Blasphemy Law in Force in Maryland--The Scotch "Kirk"--Hanging of Thomas Aikenhead for Denying the Inspiration of the Scriptures--"Cathedrals and Domes, and Chimes and Chants"--Science--"He Died in the Land his Genius Defended,"

INDIVIDUALITY.

(1873.)

"His Soul was like a Star and Dwelt Apart"--Disobedience one of the Conditions of Progress.--Magellan--The Monarch and the Hermit-Why the Church hates a Thinker--The Argument from Grandeur and Prosperity-Travelers and Guide-boards--A Degrading Saying--Theological Education--Scotts, Henrys and McKnights--The Church the Great Robber--Corrupting the Reason of Children--Monotony of Acquiescence: For God's sake, say No--Protestant Intolerance: Luther and Calvin--Assertion of Individual Independence a Step toward Infidelity--Salute to Jupiter--The Atheistic Bug-Little Religious Liberty in America--God in the Constitution, Man Out--Decision of the Supreme Court of Illinois that an Unbeliever could not testify in any Court--Dissimulation--Nobody in this Bed--The Dignity of a Unit

HERETICS AND HERESIES.

(1874.)

Liberty, a Word without which all other Words are Vain--The Church, the Bible, and Persecution--Over the wild Waves of War rose and fell the Banner of Jesus Christ--Highest Type of the Orthodox Christian--Heretics' Tongues and why they should be Removed before Burning--The Inquisition Established--Forms of Torture--Act of Henry VIII for abolishing Diversity of Opinion--What a Good Christian was Obliged to Believe--The Church has Carried the Black Flag--For what Men and Women have been Burned--John Calvin's Advent into the World--His Infamous Acts--Michael Servetus--Castalio--Spread of Presbyterianism--Indictment of a Presbyterian Minister in Illinois for Heresy--Specifications--The Real Bible

THE GHOSTS.

(1877.)

Dedication to Ebon C. Ingersoll--Preface--Mendacity of the Religious Press--"Materialism"--Ways of Pleasing the Ghosts--The Idea of Immortality not Born of any Book--Witchcraft and Demon-ology--Witch Trial before Sir Matthew Hale--John Wesley a Firm Believer in Ghosts--"Witch-spots"--Lycanthropy--Animals Tried and Convicted--The Governor of Minnesota and the Grasshoppers--A Papal Bull against Witchcraft--Victims of the Delusion--Sir William Blackstone's Affirmation--Trials in Belgium--Incubi and Succubi--A Bishop Personated by the Devil--The Doctrine that Diseases are caused by Ghosts--Treatment--Timothy Dwight against Vaccination--Ghosts as Historians--The Language of Eden--Leibnitz, Founder of the Science of Language--Cosmas on Astronomy--Vagaries of Kepler and Tycho Brahe--Discovery of Printing, Powder, and America--Thanks to the Inventors--The Catholic Murderer and the Meat--Let the Ghosts Go

THE LIBERTY OF MAN, WOMAN, AND CHILD.

(1877.)

Liberty sustains the same Relation to Mind that Space does to Matter--The History of Man a History of Slavery--The Infidel Our Fathers in the good old Time--The iron Arguments that Christians Used--Instruments of Torture--A Vision of the Inquisition--Models of Man's Inventions--Weapons, Armor, Musical Instruments, Paintings, Books, Skulls--The Gentleman in the Dug-out--Homage to Genius and Intellect--Abraham Lincoln--What I mean by Liberty--The Man who cannot afford to Speak his Thought is a Certificate of the Meanness of the Community in which he Resides--Liberty of Woman--Marriage and the Family--Ornaments the Souvenirs of Bondage-The Story of the Garden of Eden--Adami and Heva--Equality of the Sexes-The word "Boss"--The Cross Man-The Stingy Man--Wives who are Beggars--How to Spend Money--By the Tomb of the Old Napoleon--The Woman you Love will never Grow Old--Liberty of Children--When your Child tells a Lie--Disowning Children--Beating your own Flesh and Blood--Make Home Pleasant--Sunday when I was a Boy--The Laugh of a Child--The doctrine of Eternal Punishment--Jonathan Edwards on the Happiness of Believing Husbands whose Wives are in Hell--The Liberty of Eating and Sleeping--Water in Fever--Soil and Climate necessary to the production of Genius--Against Annexing Santo Domingo--Descent of Man--Conclusion

ABOUT FARMING IN ILLINOIS.

(1877.)

To Plow is to Pray; to Plant is to Prophesy, and the Harvest Answers and Fulfills--The Old Way of Farming--Cooking an Unknown Art-Houses, Fuel, and Crops--The Farmer's Boy--What a Farmer should Sell--Beautifying the Home--Advantages of Illinois as a Farming State--Advantages of the Farmer over the Mechanic--Farm Life too Lonely-On Early Rising--Sleep the Best Doctor--Fashion--Patriotism and Boarding Houses--The Farmer and the Railroads--Money and Confidence--Demonetization of Silver-Area of Illinois--Mortgages and Interest--Kindness to Wives and Children--How a Beefsteak should be Cooked--Decorations and Comfort--Let the Children Sleep--Old Age

WHAT MUST WE DO TO BE SAVED?

(1880.)

Preface--The Synoptic Gospels--Only Mark Knew of the Necessity of Belief--Three Christs Described--The Jewish Gentleman and the Piece of Bacon--Who Wrote the New Testament?--Why Christ and the Apostles wrote Nothing--Infinite Respect for the Man Christ--Different Feeling for the Theological Christ--Saved from What?--Chapter on the Gospel of Matthew--What this Gospel says we must do to be Saved--Jesus and the Children--John Calvin and Jonathan Edwards conceived of as Dimpled Darlings--Christ and the Man who inquired what Good Thing he should do that he might have Eternal Life--Nothing said about Belief--An Interpolation--Chapter on the Gospel of Mark--The Believe or be Damned Passage, and why it was written--The last Conversation of Christ with his Disciples--The Signs that Follow them that Believe--Chapter on the Gospel of Luke--Substantial Agreement with Matthew and Mark--How Zaccheus achieved Salvation--The two Thieves on the Cross--Chapter on the Gospel of John--The Doctrine of Regeneration, or the New Birth--Shall we Love our Enemies while God Damns His?--Chapter on the Catholics--Communication with Heaven through Decayed Saints--Nuns and Nunneries--Penitentiaries of God should be Investigated--The Athanasian Creed expounded--The Trinity and its Members--Chapter on the Episcopalians--Origin of the Episcopal Church--Apostolic Succession an Imported Article--Episcopal Creed like the Catholic, with a few Additional Absurdities--Chapter on the Methodists--Wesley and Whitfield--Their Quarrel about Predestination--Much Preaching for Little Money--Adapted to New Countries--Chapter on the Presbyterians--John Calvin, Murderer--Meeting between Calvin and Knox--The Infamy of Calvinism--Division in the Church--The Young Presbyterian's Resignation to the Fate of his Mother--A Frightful, Hideous, and Hellish Creed--Chapter on the Evangelical Alliance--Jeremy Taylor's Opinion of Baptists--Orthodoxy not Dead--Creed of the Alliance--Total Depravity, Eternal Damnation--What do You Propose?--The Gospel of Good-fellowship, Cheerfulness, Health, Good Living, Justice--No Forgiveness--God's Forgiveness Does not Pay my Debt to Smith--Gospel of Liberty, of Intelligence, of Humanity--One World at a Time--"Upon that Rock I Stand"

PUBLISHER'S PREFACE.

IN presenting to the public this edition of the late Robert G. Ingersoll's works, it has been the aim of the publisher to make it worthy of the author and a pleasure to his friends and admirers. No one can be more conscious than he of the magnitude of the task undertaken, or more keenly feel how far short it must fall of adequate accomplishment.

When it is remembered that countless utterances of the author were never caught from his eloquent lips, it is matter for congratulation that so much has been preserved. The authorized addresses, arguments and articles that have already appeared in print and passed the review of the authors more or less careful inspection, will be readily recognized as accurate and complete; but in this latest and fullest compilation are many emanations from his heart and brain that have never had his scrutiny, were not revised by him, and that yet, by general judgment, should not be lost to the world.

These unedited sundries consist of fragments of speeches and incompleted articles discovered amongst the authors literary remains and for unknown reasons left in more or less unfinished form. It has been the publisher's ambition to gather these fugitive pieces and place them in this edition by the side of the saved treasures. Whether the work has been well or ill done a generous public must decide, while the sole responsibility must rest with, as it has been assumed by, the publisher.

In carrying out the design of the present edition, the publisher gratefully acknowledges the assistance of Mr. Ingersoll's family, who have freely placed at his disposal many papers, inscriptions, monographs, memoranda and pages of valuable material.

Recognition is also here made of the kind courtesy of the press and of publishers of magazines who have generously permitted the publication of articles originally written for them.

Finally, the publisher gives his thanks to all the devoted friends of the author who in many ways, by suggestion and unselfish labor, have aided in getting out this work. Of these, none have been more unremitting in service, and to none is the publisher more indebted, than to Mr. I. Newton Baker, Mr. Ingersoll's former private secretary, to Dr. Edgar C. Beall, and to Mr. George E. Macdonald for the fine Tables of Contents and the very valuable Index to this edition.