Chapter I: AM persuaded, it is not possible for me to write any thing so full, (2)

8. Another part of wisdom is, to chuse a fit time and place for every act of authority. Two rules may be observed with regard to time, particularly in reproving, that being a thing wherein most caution should be used, because it is most apt to be taken ill, and because if it speed well, it does much good, if not, it does much hurt. But in all other parts of government, the same rules are so needful, that much mischief will grow by not observing them. Now, as in this case there are two persons concerned, so a time of reproving or commanding must be chosen, suitable to both. It must be then used, when he is fit to use it well, and she to take it well. First then, when a man himself is quiet, in tune, and free from perturbation, then probably he will reprove or command well. But when anger boils within, let him forbear exercising any part of his authority, till he recover his due temper. Authority cannot be well managed, but by the hand of wisdom. Therefore undertake not to exercise it, at a time when wisdom is banished. Go not about such a work, but when thou art thyself, when thy mind is settled, thy judgment clear. Then shew thy wife her duty, then tell her of her faults; else she will never mend her faults or see her duty. Chuse, secondly, the time wherein she is most capable of receiving information or reproof: when she is chearfully quiet, well-pleased, free from excessive grief, anger, pain, sickness, which often untunes the soul, then is a good time to advise or tell her of a fault. Else her passions will make her as unable to take any thing well, as his will make him unable to do it well.

9. As to place, commendations or easy commands may be given before others. But for reproofs, the most secret place is generally the most convenient. Or if you would have her do or forbear any thing, which you think will be displeasing to her to hear, tell your mind in private, and then persuade where you may freely speak all that is fit to be spoken. “But what if women offend in public, before servants and children, and strangers?” I answer, in this case, a man may shew his dislike, that others may not be hurt by the bad example. But he should delay the proper, home reproof, ’till his wife and he be together alone.

10. Next to wisdom is mildness, a very necessary virtue in this society. No woman can endure her husband’s government with comfort, if gentleness do not temper it. The Lord Jesus is the most gentle and meek governor in the world: and when he requireth us to take his yoke upon us, he commends himself as meek and lowly, his _yoke_ as _easy_ and his _burden_ as _light_. This is the best precedent for husbands to follow, the most worthy copy for them to write after. The apostle teaches us to be gentle, not only to the good, but also to them that are froward. Surely then the husband must be gentle toward his wife, tho’ she be of a froward disposition. Yea, we are commanded to shew all meekness to all men: much more should each man shew it to his wife. And that in both the parts of authority, in directing and recompensing.

11. As to the former, the husband should beware of extending the use of his commanding power too far. Let him use it as seldom, and as little as possible. It may suffice him to know, that God has given him the right of directing, in every thing which is not sinful. But in the exercise of it, he must shew himself of a kind and free nature, not rigorously taking upon him, to command all he may, but willingly gratifying his wife, in some, in many, in most things, that she may with the more chearfulness, be subject to him in others. Let him also shew mildness, in forbearing hard commandments, as much as possibly he can. Beware of crossing your wife, without cause, and forcing her to things against her natural disposition. Enjoin nothing of this kind, unless there be an absolute necessity. And as to the manner of commanding, let nothing be imperiously prescribed, but with sweet kindness and familiar requests. Indeed, if the wife will try for mastery, and strive to cast off the yoke of obedience, then it is needful for the husband, with good words, to stand for his authority, even somewhat stifly and peremptorily professing, that he will have his will in things lawful. But this course should be rarely taken, and that only in matters of importance. In other cases it is better mildly to wish this or that, than haughtily to enjoin it.

12. But mildness is never so needful as in reproving, both with regard to the matter and the manner of it. For the matter; find not fault with every foible; chide not for every infirmity. What is not of a gross nature, or done wilfully, may be passed over either with none, or half a word. The love which passes by weaknesses is necessary toward strangers; much more with those who are so nearly united. *Be not therefore extreme or rigorous, but be affected toward thy wife, as a tender mother toward her child. Pray to God against all her faults; see and commend all her virtues: but petty wants and little ordinary weaknesses, seldom take notice of, or reprove. Let her perceive, that thou dost, but wilt not know them. And thy unwillingness to see and reprove, will make her, if she has any spark of generosity, more willing to see and reform. But an ever-lowering and ever-chiding husband will make his wife worse than she would otherwise be. For the manner of reproving, even when it is most needful, it should be very gentle. The words and gestures used to press the fault, should be mild and amiable, breathing out love and pity at once. No patient is so desirous of health, that he will drink a potion scalding hot. So it is with reproof: if it, as it were, scald the ear with bitter upbraiding, with railing words, and a fiery look, it will never gain passage to the heart. Compassion, kindness, declaring your sorrow for her fault, desire of her good, and care for her amendment, these incline the will to accept of an admonition, and help the effect of it. I am not against the wholesome earnestness of reproving; but this may be without bitterness or fierceness. An admonition is then healthfully sharp and earnest, when a man with much plainness of speech and strength of reason lays open the greatness and danger of the sin, and vehemently enforces them on the sinner’s conscience: but compassionately still, with a declaration of more sorrow than anger, of more grief for her fault and danger, than displeasure against her person.

CHAP. VI.

_Of the_ Wife’_s peculiar_ Duties.

1. THE special duties of a wife may be reduced to two heads, To know herself the inferior, and to behave as such. First, She must know herself the inferior; she must be thoroughly convinced, that she is not her husband’s equal, without which there can be no content, either in her heart, or in her house. Where the woman counts herself equal with her husband, (much more, if she count herself better) the root of all good carriage is withered, the fountain thereof dried up. Whoever therefore would be a good wife, let this sink into her inmost soul, “My husband is my superior, my better: he has the right to rule over me. God has given it him, and I will not strive against God. He is my superior, my better.” Unless she has learnt this lesson perfectly, unless she has it at her fingers ends, if her very heart does not thoroughly agree thereto, there will be nothing between them but wrangling, repining, striving: so that their life will be little else than a continual battle, a trying for masteries. Let us grant, you have more wit and understanding than him, more readiness of speech, more skill in business. Yet consider; your servant may exceed you in all these, as much as you do him. And yet you would be loath that your servant should claim an equality either with him or you. Know then, a man may be superior in place to him, who is his superior in gifts: and know likewise, thou dost abuse the gifts of God, if thence thou infringest thy husband’s superiority. Wherefore, with all thy understanding, understand this, that God has made him thy governor and ruler, and thee his inferior, to be ruled by him, and to submit to him in all things. Though he be of meaner birth and smaller capacity, tho’ he had no wealth or name before thou didst marry him, yet from that hour the case is changed, and he is no longer beneath thee, but above thee. Set it down therefore as a conclusion never to be called in question. “My husband is my superior.”

2. The wife knowing herself the inferior, must, secondly, behave as such, by reverence and subjection to her husband. First, By reverence. She owes this to her husband, as much as the children or servants do to her: yea, as they do to him; only hers is sweetened with more love and familiarity. She is no less bound to _reverence her husband_, than are the rest of the family. This alone is the difference; she may be more familiar, not more rude, as being more dear, not less subject than they.

3. And this reverence must be both inward and outward. First, she must have an inward, dutiful respect for her husband. She must regard him as God’s deputy, not looking to his person but his place, not thinking so much, what he is, as whose officer. So the apostle, _Let the wife see that she reverence her husband_. Of all things, let her not fail in this. He here prescribes such a loving, not slavish, fear, as stands with the closest union of heart. And from this fear, she abhors and shuns, as the greatest evil which can befal her, next to the breaking the commandments of God, to displease or offend her husband. We stand in due awe of God, when we loath the breach of his commandments, as the greatest of all evils. And the wife duly stands in awe of her husband, when next to that evil, she shuns the disobeying or grieving him, who is above her, next to God. I know many ♦women care as little for their husbands, as their husbands do for them. But if thou wilt ever please God, take much pains with thy heart, to make it stand in awe of thy husband. As a wife grows in this, so may she look to get the better of all her other infirmities: as she is careless herein, so shall she be pestered with various other evils. “But how shall she bring her heart to this?” By looking thro’ her husband to God the author of marriage, and putting herself often in mind, not of his deserts, but of God’s ordinance. The husband is to the wife _the image and glory of_ God: the power that is given to him is God’s originally, and his by God’s appointment. Look not therefore on the qualities of thy husband, but upon his place. If thou despisest him, the contempt redounds upon God, who hath ordained him to be thy head. If therefore thy heart be seasoned with the fear of God, thou wilt fear thy husband also.

♦ ‘woman’ replaced with ‘women’

4. And this inward will produce outward reverence, both in her words and actions. Her words are either to himself, of him behind his back, or to others before him. And, 1. Her words to himself should neither be sharp, sullen, passionate, not rude, careless or contemptuous: such as shew neither anger, nor neglect, but all lowliness and quietness of affection. What kind of words would you dislike from a servant or child? Those must you not give your husband. For the same duty of fear is in the same words, and with the same plainness enjoined to thee that is to them. Indeed a wife, as I observed before, may be more familiar: yet there is an excess of familiarity which is blame-worthy. Why should a woman be so over-bold as to call her husband, _Tom, Dick, Ned_? Could she speak otherwise to her child or servant? Certainly those speeches of hers which are most familiar should still have a print of reverence upon them.

5. Her words also to others in his presence should be such as witness a due reverence to him: In his company she should be more cautious of her behaviour to any, than otherwise she need to be. Her words to children and servants in his sight, ought not to be loud or snappish. If she perceive a fault in them, she should remember her better stands by, and therefore not speak, but upon necessity, and then utter the reproof in a more still and mild manner, than she might have done in his absence. You allow not your children or servants to be loud before you. And will you be so before your husband!

6. A wife’s words likewise concerning her husband behind his back, should be dutiful and respectful. She must not talk of him with a kind of carelessness, much less with reproachful terms. Hence the apostle recommends the example of _Sarah_: who when she but thought of her husband, in the absence of all company, (_Gen._ xviii. 12.) reverently intitled him, _My Lord_. Who would bear a child speaking against his father behind his back? And shall it be thought sufferable in a wife? He that allows not an evil thought of the prince, will not allow evil speeches of the husband.

7. Yea, the very gestures and countenance of a wife, as well as her words, should be mixt with reverence. Both good and bad tempers have more ways of uttering themselves than by the tongue. _Solomon_ speaks of an _eye that despiseth his mother_: so the eye of a wife may be a despising eye and her gestures may proclaim contempt, tho’ her tongue be altogether silent. But rude and contemptuous behaviour are no less uncomely than disrespectful words. Wherefore, if you condemn these in your children toward yourself, allow them not in yourself toward your husband.

8. The second duty, subjection, implies obedience to his commands, and submission to his reproofs. The former is expresly enjoined in those words, _Let the wife be subject to her husband in all things_. And indeed, if she refuse it to him, how can she require it of the children and servants? For it is due to her only as his deputy, and a substitute under him. “But how far must she be subject to him?” The apostle tells us, _In all things, in the_ Lord. Obedience, you see, must be universal: only so that it may be _in the_ Lord. In every thing wherein obedience to him would not prove rebellion against her Maker, she is bound to obey, without any farther question. An _English_ subject is not bound to obey the King in any thing but what some law enjoins. His will is no law, neither does it bind the conscience of his subject. But the husband’s will is a law to his wife, and binds her conscience in all things indifferent. Nor does even this suffice, unless she obey readily, quietly, chearfully, without brawling, contending, sourness.

9. The latter, submission to his reproofs, is also plainly required in these words, _As the church is subject to_ Christ, _so must the wives to their own husbands in every thing_. Now, bearing his reproofs is doubtless a necessary part of the church’s subjection to Christ. Of consequence it is a necessary part of the wife’s subjection to her husband.

CHAP. VII.

_Some_ Application _of the Whole_.

1. *AND first, this yields a good instruction to young, unmarried people; not to rush unadvisedly into this state. A thing of so difficult a nature, should not be hastily undertaken. If they get not first their hearts full of grace, and their heads full of wisdom, they will find their hands full of work, an house full of trouble, and a life full of woe. Dost thou desire to be married? Unless thou wouldst meet with gall instead of honey, see what wisdom, what patience, what grace fit to govern, or fit to obey, thou findest in thyself. Get these against thou comest to use them, or marriage will yield thee small contentment. Vain youths will marry, before they have any power to practise, any understanding to know their duties. But he that leaps over a broad ditch with a short staff, will fall into the midst: and he that enters into marriage without great grace, shall fall into disquietude and vexation. Let unmarried people think of this, and be wise before pain teaches them wisdom.

2. Secondly, I advise all married persons to be well acquainted with these duties, and to mark their own failings therein. Let the wife know her’s, the husband his, and both, the common duties. I desire they would each observe their own, and not each the other’s failings. Indeed it may be feared, many will be the worse for what has been said, because they heard amiss. The husband may perhaps ring his wife a peal concerning her duty, and tell her, how her faults were ript up; and yet never consider his own. The wife may tell him of his faults, when she has little or nothing to say of herself. Thus both will be worse, while they seek to upbraid each other, and not each to amend one. Unwise man! Unwise woman! Why hast thou not the greatest care, to save thy own soul? Couldst thou mark what was good for another’s disease, and not what was good for thy own? Brethren, sisters, let this be altered in us. If thou be an husband, have more care to know that, for which thy own soul must answer, than what lies to the account of another. So thou that art a wife; and woe to that man or woman, who sees not more failings in him or herself than in the yoke-fellow. If thy heart were right, thy own sins would be more grievous, and thy yoke-fellows less. Learn, therefore, to pass by their failings more easily, and be more censorious toward thy own. Learn to judge thyself. *He never yet learned to work well at any work, that would cast his eyes more upon his neighbour’s fingers, than upon his own. But oh! how common is this? Every man would be a good husband, if his wife, were not so bad! And she would be a good wife, if her husband were tolerable. All the accusations, all the judgings are darted at each other: but what folly is this? Idle man or woman, it is not the requiring duty from another, but the performing what belongs to thyself, that will make thee a Christian; that will comfort thee in temptation, rejoice thee in death, and stand for thee in judgment.

3. In a word. Know thy own duty, mark thy own failings, and thou wilt not quarrel with thy yoke-fellow. There is no better means of peace, than for every one to learn his own work, and labour to mend his own faults. Have you then both been to blame? Repent both, and strain not courtesy which shall begin. Hast thou been a foolish, passionate, or an unkind husband? Not regarding thy wife’s good? Cry not, “She has been thus and thus;” but repent of thy own sin. Seriously confess it to God. Beseech him to make thee a better husband, that she may be a better wife. Hast thou been a brawling, disobedient, or discontented wife? Ask thy heart before God, and dissemble not. If so, clamour not against thy husband, exclaim not against his passion or unkindness; but condemn thyself, and call upon God, to make thee reverence and obey thy husband, as a commander under him. Intreat him to make thee a better wife, that he may be a better husband. Let each mend one, I mean himself, and contention will cease. Pray each for yourself first, then for the other: labour to see wherein you yourself have offended: and be not skilful to cast the fault upon another, but to cast it out of yourself. So shall your loves be sure, your lives comfortable, your deaths happy, and your memories blessed for ever.

4. Before I conclude, it may not be improper to sum up the duty of married persons, as parents, and as masters. Their duty as parents respects either the temporal or the spiritual good of their children. With regard to the former, you owe them protection and provision of necessaries, according to that rank and degree, wherein the wisdom of God has placed you. You are carefully to protect your children, from all the evils and dangers, to which infancy, childhood and youth are exposed. You are also to nourish and sustain them; not only to provide for them for the present, but to take care for their future subsistence. If you have not a patrimony to leave them, it behoves you to leave them an art or calling, whereby thro’ diligence, with the blessing of God, they may procure food convenient for them. *In the choice of this calling, you should chiefly have an eye to their general Christian calling, and consider not so much what will conduce most to their temporal profit or honour, as what will most effectually advance their spiritual and eternal interest. This is a weighty point: it were well if all parents would deeply lay it to heart. It should next be considered, whether the calling proposed be suitable to their genius and inclination: which are to be consulted on this head, only not as much as their eternal welfare.

5. With regard to their spiritual good, your first labour of love is, to present them to God in baptism. You are then to inure them to good, to instruct and admonish them, to educate them in the knowledge and fear of God, to season their minds as early as possible with the fundamental truths of religion, and in such a manner as is best suited to their capacity, to train them up in all holiness. Every instruction should be seconded by example. Let them continually see, as well as hear, how they ought to walk acceptably, and to please God. Be peculiarly careful to set before your children the copies and patterns of the virtues which you teach. And let them neither see nor hear any thing from you, which you would not desire to have copied by them. Even an Heathen, and none of the most virtuous, could say,

_Maxima debetur pueris reverentia._

We ought to reverence and stand in awe of children that nothing may be spoken or done in their sight, which may taint their tender minds. They are prone to imitate any; but more especially those who are so nearly related to them. Which undoubtedly they will be most ready to do, when example strikes in with their natural propensity to evil.

6. If neither good examples nor instructions will prevail, then correction becomes a duty. And this should first be given in words, before you proceed to severer methods: yet not in railing, or foul or bitter language, but in calm and sober reproof. If that fail too, then use the rod. But whenever this correction is given, let it be with all the expressions of love and concern, which the nature of the thing will admit. Let it be timely, before ill habits are contracted, at least, before they have time to take root. And let it be moderate, not exceeding the quality of the fault, or the tenderness of the child. Immoderate, or ill-natured and passionate correction, is so far from profiting children, that it very frequently frets and sharpens their spirits, and makes them more stubborn and untractable. If they are of a softer temper, it frights and dispirits them. This is also the natural effect, of a sour, harsh, unkind behaviour. Hence those solemn cautions of the apostle, _Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath_, (Eph. vi. 4.) Avoid whatever tends thereto. Use no demeanor, no actions or words, or way of speaking, which has such a tendency. And again, _Fathers provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged_, Col. iii. 21. It is a different word from that used in the former text, Μὴ ἐρεθιζετε Do not purposely fret or teize them: lest you should dishearten them too much, lest you should destroy their courage and vigour of mind, and make them of a faint, fearful, dastardly spirit. The direction doubtless belongs to both the parents, but is more immediately addrest to _fathers_, as they are generally of rougher and harsher spirits than the mothers, and not so much restrained by natural fondness. Lastly, correction must not be given in anger: if it be, it will lose its effect on the child, who will think he is corrected, not because he has done a fault, but because the parent is angry.

7. These directions chiefly relate to young children. But even after they are grown up, you are still engaged, to watch over their souls, to observe how they practise the precepts, which have been inculcated upon them from time to time, and to exhort, encourage, and reprove them accordingly. You are also to bless them, first by your prayers. Parents are under a peculiar obligation, by daily and earnest prayer to commend their children to God’s protection and blessing. You are, secondly, to bless them by your piety. See that you be such persons in all holiness of conversation, that from you the blessing of God may descend upon your posterity.

8. As masters, you are, 1. To be just to your servants, whether apprentices, journeymen, or houshold servants, in faithfully and exactly performing the conditions on which they engaged to serve you: particularly with regard to food, and the other necessaries or conveniences of life. You are, 2. To admonish and reprove them for their faults, more especially faults against God. But let this be done with all tenderness and mildness; _forbearing_ not only bitter and opprobious language, but even _threatening, knowing that your master is in heaven, and that there is no respect of persons with him_. You are, 3. To set a good example to your servants; otherwise reproving will be but lost labour. It is your duty, 4. To provide them with all means of necessary instruction, and to allow them sufficient time to worship God, in private as well as in public. You are, 5. To beware that you give them only reasonable and moderate commands, that you do not make their service toilsome to them, by laying on them greater burdens than they can bear, or greater than you would impose, or they would bear, if they were not of the houshold of faith. Lastly, You are to encourage them in well-doing, by using them with that kindness, which their faithfulness, diligence, and piety deserve: in all your dealings with them remembring, you are to give an account to _your master_ of the usage of your meanest servant.

Directions _to_ Children.

1. CHILDREN, says the apostle writing to the _Ephesians_, (chap. vi. ver. 1.) _Obey your parents in the_ Lord. To which he adds, _Honour thy father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise_, (with a particular promise annexed; for the promise annexed to the second commandment, does not belong to the keeping that command in particular, but the whole law:) _that it may be well with thee, and thou mayst live long upon the earth_. And this promise is by no means to be confined to the time of the Jewish dispensation. On the contrary, there are not wanting many instances, even in later times, of persons eminently dutiful to their parents, who have been rewarded with eminent health and prosperity. Tho’ still it is acknowledged, that this promise, as most others, may be understood under the Christian dispensation, in a spiritual and more exalted sense.

2. But how are children to _honour their fathers and mothers_? First, by reverencing them. This is an unquestionable duty, manifestly contained in the very term _honour_. And this inward reverence is to appear, in the whole outward behaviour. It is to be expressed both in their speeches and gestures, in their words and actions. Their speech should always testify _honour_, giving them the most respectful titles which their condition will bear. Likewise (unless on some peculiar occasions) your words before them should be few. For talkativeness before any person, has the appearance of disrespect. You should also carry yourself with all lowliness and modesty, while in the presence of your parents: so that your whole carriage may be the natural expression of the respect lodged in your hearts.

3. This reverence is not to be with-held, on account of either their supposed or real infirmities. For be the faults of the parents ever so great, this gives the children no authority to despise them: seeing whatever their tempers or their behaviour be, they are your parents still. Neither are you to take any step which might cause others to despise them. You cannot therefore mention their faults to others, without bringing guilt upon your own soul. You cannot mention them behind their back, and be guiltless. It is your part to conceal all their faults and infirmities, to the uttermost of your power. Be not like _Ham_, who bewrayed his father’s nakedness, and was cursed of God to his latest posterity. Rather imitate the piety of _Japhet_ and _Shem_: cover with all care whatever you disapprove of in a parent. Hide it from every one else, and, if it were possible, even from yourself.

4. A second duty which children owe to their parents is love. We are to bear them a deep, real kindness, an earnest, tender good-will, heartily desiring all manner of good to them, and abhorring to speak or do any thing, which might give them uneasiness. This will appear no more than common gratitude, if we remember, what our parents have done for us. That they were the instruments not only of bringing us into the world, but also of sustaining us after: and certainly they that weigh the cares and fears which attend the bringing up of a child, will judge the love of the child to be but a moderate return for them. This love is to be exprest several ways. First, in all kindness of behaviour, carrying ourselves, not barely with awe and respect, but with tenderness and affection. It is to be exprest, secondly, in praying for them. The debt which a child owes to a parent, is so inconceivably great, that he can never hope, fully to discharge it himself. He is therefore to seek the assistance of God, and continually to beg him that has all power in heaven and earth, to return whatever good his parents have done him, seven-fold into their own bosom.

5. A third duty which children owe to their parents is obedience. As this is plainly implied in the fifth commandment, so it is expresly enjoined by the apostle: _Children, obey your parents in the_ Lord. (Eph. vi. 1.) And again, _Children, obey your parents in all things; for this is well-pleasing to the_ Lord. (Col. iii. 20.) We owe them obedience _in all things_, unless where their commands are contrary to the commands of God. In every thing of an indifferent nature, whatever they enjoin, we are to do. The case is the same with regard to the authority of parents over their children, as with regard to that of husbands over their wives. The will of your parent is a law to you, as soon as it is signified to you. You are to comply with it immediately, not for wrath, not only to avoid this, but also for conscience sake. Such is the will of God concerning you: so high is the authority which he hath entrusted them with.

6. And yet we are to obey them only _in the_ Lord: only so far as consists with his authority over us. Therefore, if any of their commands are contrary to the commands of God, in that case our duty to God must be preferred. If therefore any parent should be so wicked as to require his child to steal, to lie, or to do any thing unlawful, the child offends not against his duty, tho’ he disobey that command. Nay, he must disobey; otherwise he offends against an higher duty, even that which every child of man owes to his Father which is in heaven. Yet when it is necessary to refuse obedience, it should be done in so modest and respectful a manner, that it may plainly appear, not stubbornness but conscience is the ground of that refusal. Let this appear likewise by your ready and chearful compliance with all their lawful commands: as well knowing, that wherever the command of a parent is not contrary to any command of God, there the child is in conscience bound to obey, whether in a weightier or lighter matter.

7. *Nothing therefore but the unlawfulness of their command, can excuse the disobeying our parents. If any instance of disobedience is more inexcusable than others, it is the marrying against, or even without their consent. Indeed, parents have so peculiar a right to their children, that to give themselves away without their allowance, is not only an high act of disobedience, but of flagrant injustice. And hence we see, that among God’s antient people, if a young woman had even _made a vow_, she was not suffered to perform it, without the consent of the parent, (_Numb._ xxx. 5.) Indeed children ought to have a negative voice, and not be compelled to marry without their own consent. But if they marry without the consent of their parents, let them expect no blessing from God.

8. A fourth duty which children owe to their parents, is the assisting them in their wants, of what kind soever they be, whether sickness or weakness of body, decay of understanding, or lowness of estate. In all these the child is bound to assist them, according to his ability. For the two former, weakness of body and infirmity of mind, none can doubt of the duty, when they remember how every child did in his infancy receive the same benefits from his parents. The child had then no strength to support, no understanding to guide itself. But the care of the parent supplied both these: and therefore in common gratitude, when either of these becomes the parent’s case, the child is to perform the same office again. Likewise, as to the relieving their poverty, it is but just to sustain thy parents, who formerly sustained thee. And that this is also implied in _honouring our father and mother_, our Lord himself teaches. For when he accuses the Pharisees of _rejecting the commandment of_ God, _that they might cleave to their own traditions_, he instances in this particular, concerning the relieving of parents. Hence it is manifest, this is a part of the duty, which is enjoined in the fifth commandment. And such a duty it is, that no pretence whatever can release us from the performance of it. This should be carefully observed. No fault of the parent can acquit a child of this duty. For as St. _Peter_ tells servants, that they must _be subject_, out of conscience toward God, not only to _good and gentle_ masters, _but also to the froward_: so certainly it concerns children, to perform every instance of filial duty, not only to kind and virtuous parents, but to the harshest and wickedest. For tho’ gratitude to a kind and tender parent, be a forcible motive to make a child pay his duty, yet that is not the principal, and much less the only ground for it. This is laid in the authority of God, who commands us to honour our parents. And therefore, were we to suppose a parent to have been so unnatural, as never to have done any thing to oblige a child, yet notwithstanding this, the commandment of God would remain in its full force: and what is prescribed therein we are bound to perform, whether the tie of gratitude be added or no.

Directions _to_ Servants.

1. ST. _Paul_ confirms his directions to _masters_ by that consideration, that they also _have a master in heaven, and there is no respect of persons with him_. He regards no man’s outward condition: the poor and the rich are the same to him, and the servant is as his master. And the apostle, it seems, had learned of him, to be _without respect of persons_. For he has the same care for servants as for their masters, and is as large in his advices to them: nay, much more so; probably considering, that they had fewer advantages of education, and fewer opportunities of instruction. He is therefore remarkably particular in his directions to these, which are given at large in the epistle to the _Ephesians_, and to the _Colossians_. He gives them farther directions in the first epistle to _Timothy_, and again in the epistle to _Titus_. If we add hereto the advices given them by St. _Peter_, we shall have a full account of the duties of Christian servants.

2. The great duty required of all servants is _subjection_ or _obedience_ to their masters. So St. _Peter_ (_1 Pet._ ii. 18.) _Servants be subject to your masters_; St. _Paul_, _exhort servants to be subject to their own masters_: and again, both to the _Ephesians_ and _Colossians_, (_Eph._ vi. 5. _Col._ iii. 22.) _Servants, obey your masters after the flesh_. Allowing that these are your masters only in a qualified sense, and only during this state of flesh and blood; allowing you have but one proper, absolute master, to whom you owe unlimited subjection: yet to these also, as being invested with a part of his power, you owe a limited obedience and subjection.

3. Indeed this obedience varies according to the various kinds of service wherein servants are connected with their masters. The sorts of servants most common among us are, 1. _Labourers_, or workmen, with whom we agree by the day, to do such work at such a price, and who accordingly _serve_ us during that time: 2. _Journeymen_, whom we agree with for a longer space, to assist us in our calling, on such conditions: 3. _Houshold servants_, who usually contract by the year, to perform, on the considerations specified, either some particular branch of houshold work, or (if there be only one servant) all manner of work whatever from time to time is needful to be done in the family. 4. _Apprentices_, who are engaged for several years, chiefly to serve their masters in their particular trade or calling. Now, how far are all or any of these obliged in conscience, to _obey and be subject to their own masters_?

4. The apostle answers. During the time agreed, _obey your masters after the flesh in all things_: that is, in all things specified in that agreement which was made when you entered into service. So a _labourer_ or _workman_ is, during his short service, to follow the direction of him that hired him. A _journeyman_ is to do the same, with regard to that work which he agreed to perform. _Domestic servants_ (to whom particularly St. _Peter_ speaks; for this is the proper meaning of οἱ οἰκέται) are obliged to obey their master or mistress, either in one branch of houshold-business, if they contracted for this, or otherways with respect to the whole work of the house: doing every thing at such times and in such a manner, as is appointed by their superior. And an apprentice is to obey, according to the terms of his indenture, wherein it is usually agreed, by his parents or friends, in what kind of service he shall be employed, according to the discretion of his master.

5. To sum up this. This first¹ part of a servant’s obedience, is, to forbear doing things of his own head, without or against the consent of his master: the reason whereof is plain. During the time of his service, he is not his own; neither ought the things he does, to be for himself. Both his person and his actions are all his masters; and the will of his master is his rule. In particular, servants, 1. may not go whither they will, but only where they are ordered, or at least, permitted to go. 2. They ought not to do their own business. When _Jacob_ was _Laban_’s servant, tho’ he had flocks of his own, yet he fed his master’s flocks, and committed his own to his sons, _Gen._ xxx. 35, 36. 3. They are not to do what business they please themselves, but what is allotted them by their master. 4. They ought not to marry, while the time of their service lasts, without the consent of their master. 5. They may not before their covenanted time expires, go away from their master.

¹ Several of the following paragraphs are partly extracted from
Mr. Gouge on domestic duties.

6. The second part of a servant’s obedience is, to do whatever his master commands. To _look to the hand of his master_, (as _David_ speaks) ready to execute any thing he would have done. He is also to obey, by hearkening to his instructions, not only in matters of his secular calling, but likewise in the things of God, in whatever concerns his Christian calling.

7. The manner wherein this obedience is to be performed, is largely declared by both the apostles. _Obey your masters_, saith St. _Paul_, _with fear and trembling_. This indeed is not to be taken literally: it is a proverbial expression, denoting the utmost care, watchfulness, and diligence. Do it _fearing_ God; from a principle of loving fear, a fear of offending your master who is in heaven. _Be subject to your masters with all fear_, saith St. _Peter_, with earnest, tender reverence. With a constant fear, either of injuring, grieving or displeasing them, by any part of your behaviour.

8. So proper is this fear of his master in a servant, that the want of it is a denial of his master’s place and power. This God intimates in that expostulation (_Mal._ i. 6.) _If I be a master, where is my fear?_ That is, you plainly shew, you do not account me your master, because there is no fear of me in your heart. But wherever it is, it will draw servants on to perform all duty. And the more it abounds, the more desire and endeavour there will be to do all things well.

9. An especial means to create and preserve this fear is, a due consideration of the ground of their master’s place and power: which is, the appointment of God: God has placed them in his stead, and in part given them his power. They are the deputies and ministers of God. And therefore in scripture, the title _lord_, is after a peculiar manner, given them. There can therefore be no excuse for despising them, tho’ they should be poor, mean, weak, or aged. The poorest and weakest have the same place and authority, which the richest and strongest have. All bear the image of God: therefore, to despise them shews, that you regard not God’s image at all.

10. This fear may be shewn either in speech or behaviour: in the former, 1. By sparing to speak in the presence of their master, without some necessary cause: 2. By forbearing to reply, when they observe their masters unwilling they should speak any more: 3. By attending to what their masters speak: shewing such a respect to them, as _Samuel_ did to God, when he said, _speak; for thy servant heareth_. When they have just occasion to speak, this fear may be shewn, 1. By giving proper titles to their masters, 2. By not talking more than the occasion requires, 3. By speaking in a meek and humble manner, 4. By chusing a fit season, both when he is at leisure to hear, and when his mind is calm, not troubled with any passion, and lastly, by giving a present and ready answer, to whatever their master says to them.

11. Servants should shew a due fear of their masters in their behaviour, 1. By such dutiful and submissive obeisance, as becomes their sex and place, according to the custom of the country and place where they are, when they have occasion to come to them, to go from them, or to receive any charge of them. 2. By _standing_ in his master’s presence. 3. By uncovering their heads before him, and 4. Sobriety and modesty both in countenance and in the whole carriage. And from the same principle you should endeavour _to please them well in all things_, (_Tit._ ii. 9.) Do every thing in the most obliging manner. If it be possible, please them in every thing: study to give them satisfaction in whatever you do. Do it in the way which they like best: labour that your whole service, your whole behaviour may be acceptable to them. And do all this _with good will_, (_Eph._ vi. 7.) with cordial benevolence, with love to them, springing from love to God: with an earnest desire to make their lives as easy and happy and comfortable as you can.

12. Yet all this time, beware that you do not act _as men-pleasers_, as having no further design than to please men, to gain their approbation or esteem, to be well-thought of and well-spoken of; or to acquire any temporal advantage which may result from their favour or good-will. Serve _not with eye-service_, (a certain consequence of serving as men-pleasers) but to do just the same in the absence of your master, as you do when under his eye. Let his absence or presence make no difference in your industry and activity. You may examine yourself by this rule: there is no surer guard against self-deceit. Do I labour in the very same manner at other times, as when my master is looking on? If I do not, I am no better than a _man-pleaser_, I am a vile eye-servant in the sight of God.

13. An infallible way of avoiding this, is to obey them with _singleness of heart_, that is, without any temporal motive, with a single eye, with the one view of pleasing God. The apostle insists upon this over and over, and that in the strongest manner. _Obey your masters in the singleness of your heart as unto_ Christ, _not with eye-service, but as the servants of_ Christ, _doing service unto the_ Lord, _not unto men_. And again, _servants obey your masters in all things, with singleness of heart; and whatsoever ye do, do it as unto the_ Lord, _not unto men. For_ in whatsoever you do with a single eye, _ye serve the_ Lord, Christ. Whatsoever is thus done to any earthly master, he accounts done unto himself. And for all this he will say to you in that day, _Well done, good and faithful servants: inasmuch as ye have done it to one of these_, for my sake, _ye have done it unto me_.

14. Therefore in all things which ye do for your masters, consider yourselves as _doing the will of_ God. The will of your master is the will of God to you. His voice is, as it were, the voice of God. His work is to you the work of God, whom you obey in obeying him. But in all this, there is one restriction to be observed: masters, as well as parents, are to be obeyed only _in the_ Lord: only so far as their commands are not contrary to the commands of God. If ever this should be the case, you cannot obey them: you must obey God rather than man. You must humbly and respectfully declare, that in all things else you are ready to obey: but that this you apprehend to be contrary to the plain word of God, and therefore you dare not do it. Neither may you refrain from obeying a plain command of God, because your master forbids you so to do. You must at some times, (if not so often as you otherwise would) hear the word of God, join in public prayer, attend the table of the Lord, and call upon him in private. And if any master violently hinder you from so doing, you should at all hazards quit his service as soon as possible. Let no gain, no temporal consideration whatever, induce you to continue therein. For _what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul_?

15. *But _whatsoever ye do_, that is not contrary to the commands of God, _do it heartily_, ἐκ ψυχῆς _from your soul_, your whole soul, from the bottom of your heart. This naturally results from the _doing it, as unto the_ Lord, and is therefore twice mentioned in the same sentence with it. Whatsoever you do, do it with your might, do it as quick as you can, and as well as you can. Do it at least as well as you would do, if it were for yourself. If you are hired by the day, do as much work in each day as you can. The custom of the trade is nothing to you, nor the example of those that work with you. Do as much to-day as you can without hurting yourself, or disabling you from doing the same to-morrow: and just as much as you would, if it were your own work, or if you were to be paid by the piece. Do the same thing, if you are an houshold-servant; putting forth all your strength, ridding away all the business that you can, and using therein all the understanding which God has given you, in order to do every thing in the most excellent manner, whereof you are capable.

16. These general directions, all servants are to observe, of conscience toward God, and that whether their masters be good or bad, Heathens, (in fact, if not in name) or Christians. For the character of the master, while he is such, does not vacate the duty of the servant. Suppose they are mere Heathens, men that neither love nor fear, nor serve God, (a very possible case even in what we call a Christian country) still _let as many servants as are under the yoke_ (for the service of these is a _yoke_ indeed) _count their own masters worthy of all honour¹_. Tho’ they are unbelieving and unholy, yet in consideration of the place which God has assigned them, for his sake, and in obedience to his appointment, _count them worthy of all_ the _honour_ above described. Pay them all the reverence in your heart, and shew them all that outward respect, both in word and action, _that the name of_ God _and his doctrine be not blasphemed_ by those ungodly men, who would not fail to lay the blame of your neglect, on the religion which you profess. On the other hand, _as many as have faithful masters_, real believers in Christ, let not this administer any pretence, for less exactness in their duty. _Let them not despise them, because they are brethren._ Let them not on this account abate any thing of the inward reverence they owe, or of their outward respect and obedience. _But rather do them service_, observe the preceding directions with regard to them, more earnestly and exactly, _because they are faithful and beloved, partakers of the benefit_: enjoying the same communion with God on earth, and looking for the same inheritance in heaven.

¹ 1 Tim. vi. 1.

17. But besides these general ones, there are several particular directions given by the apostle to all Christian servants. As 1. _Be honest, not purloining_, (Tit. ii. 10.) not _secreting_, or privately _keeping back_ any thing for yourself: not taking, using, disposing, or giving away the least thing belonging to thy master, without his leave, without his knowledge and consent first asked and obtained. To do otherwise is no better than plain theft, and cuts off all the pretensions to honesty. Equally dishonest it is to hurt or waste any thing, or to let it be lost thro’ their carelessness or negligence. Whatever therefore your fellow-servants do, keep yourself pure: and let not the custom of the world, but the word of God be the rule of all your actions.