Chapter I: WE have here an opportunity, in a very lively instance, to see the (1)

_nature_ of _true religion_; and the _manner_ of its _operation_ when exemplified in a high degree. Particularly it may be observed.

1. How greatly Mr. Brainerd’s religion differed from that of some who, depending on something past, settle in a cold, careless, and carnal frame of mind, and in a neglect of thorough, earnest religion. Although his convictions and conversion were exceeding clear, yet how far was he from acting as though he thought he had _got through his work_, when once he had obtained satisfaction of his interest in Christ? On the contrary, this was with him but the beginning of his work, his entering on the great business, his first setting out in his race. His obtaining rest in Christ, after earnest striving to enter in at the strait gate, he did not look upon as putting an end to any further occasion for striving and violence in religion: but these were continued, and maintained constantly, through all changes, to the very end of life. He continued pressing forward, forgeting the things that were behind, and reaching forth towards the things that were before. His pains and earnestness in religion were rather increased than diminished, after he had received satisfaction concerning the safety of his state. Love to God, and longings after holiness, were more effectual to engage him to pains and activity, than fear of hell had been before.

And as his conversion was not the end of his work, or of his diligence in religion; so neither was it the end of the _work of the Spirit_ of God on his heart; but rather the beginning; the first dawning of the light, which thenceforward increased more and more; the beginning of his holy affections, his sorrow for sin, his love to God, his rejoicing in Christ, his longings after holiness. And the powerful operations of the Spirit of God herein, were carried on, from the day of his conversion, to his dying day. His religious experiences, his admiration, joy, and praise, did not only hold for a few days, weeks, or months; and then gradually die away, till they came to leave him without any sensible experience of holy and divine affections, for months together; as it is with many, who soon come to that pass, that it is again with them much as it is used to be before their conversion, with respect to any present views of God’s glory, or ardent out-goings of their souls after divine objects; but only now and then they have a comfortable reflection on times past; and so rest easy, thinking all well; they have had a good clear work, and they doubt not but they shall go to heaven when they die. How far otherwise was it with Mr. Brainerd! His experiences, instead of dying away, were evidently of an increasing nature. His first love, and other holy affections, even at the beginning were very great; but after months and years, became much greater, and more remarkable; and the exercises of his mind continued exceeding great, (though not equally so at all times) without remissness, and without dwindling away, even till his decease. They began in a time of general deadness, and were greatly increased in the general reviving of religion. And when a general deadness returned, his experiences were still kept up in their height, and so continued in a general course wherever he was, in sickness and in health, living and dying. The change that was wrought in him at his conversion, was agreeable to scripture, a great change, and an abiding change, rendering him a new creature: not only a change as to comfort; and a transient change, consisting in passing affections; but a change of _nature_, a change of the abiding temper of his mind. Not a partial change, in opinion, or outward reformation, much less a change from one error to another; but an universal change, both internal, and external, from the habits of sin, to universal holiness.

*It appears plainly, from his conversion to his death, that the great object of the new appetites given him, and thenceforward maintained and increased in his heart, was HOLINESS, conformity to God, living to God, and glorifying him. This was what drew his heart; this was the center of his soul; this was the ocean to which all his religious affections tended: this was the object which engaged his eager desires and earnest pursuits: he knew no true happiness, but this: this was what he longed for most vehemently and constantly on _earth_; and this was with him the beauty and blessedness of heaven, to be perfectly holy, and perfectly exercised in the holy employments of heaven; to glorify God, and enjoy him for ever.

*His religious affections were attended with _evangelical humiliation_; consisting in a sense of his own insufficiency, and despicableness. How deeply affected was he almost continually with his great defects in religion; with his vast distance from that spirituality that became him; with his ignorance, deadness, unsteadiness, barrenness? He was not only affected with the remembrance of his former sinfulness, but with the sense of his present vileness. He was not only disposed to think meanly of himself as _before God_; but among men, and compared with them. He was apt to think ♦other saints better than he; yea, to look upon himself as the least of saints; yea, the vilest and worst of mankind, And notwithstanding his great attainments in spiritual knowledge, yet we find there is scarce any thing he is more frequently abased with, than his ignorance.

♦ “think of other” replaced with “think other” per Errata

*How eminently did he appear to be of a _meek_ and _quiet_ spirit, resembling the lamb-like, dove-like Spirit of Christ! How full of love, meekness, quietness, forgiveness, and mercy! His love was not fondness for a party, but universal; often exercised to his greatest opposers and enemies. His love and meekness were effectual in expensive and painful deeds of kindness; readily confessing faults under the greatest trials, and humbling himself even at the feet of those from whom he had suffered most: and from time to time praying for his enemies, abhorring the thoughts of bitterness and resentment towards them. I scarce knew where to look for a parallel instance of self-denial, in these respects, in the present age. He was a person of great zeal; but how did he abhor a bitter zeal, and lament it where he saw it! And though he was once drawn into some degrees of it, by the force of example; yet how did he go about with a heart bruised and broken in pieces for it all his life after!

Of how _soft_ and _tender_ a spirit was he! How far were his experiences, hopes, and joys, from a tendency to lessen conviction and tenderness of conscience, to cause him to be less affected with present and past sins, and less conscientious with respect to future sins, more easy in the neglect of duties that are troublesome, less apt to be alarmed at his own defects, and more easily induced to a compliance with carnal appetites! On the contrary, how tender was his conscience! how apt was his heart to smite him! how greatly was he alarmed at the appearance of evil! how great and constant was his jealousy over his own heart! how strict his care and watchfulness against sin! how deep and sensible were the wounds that sin made in his conscience! Those evils that are generally accounted small, were almost an insupportable burden to him; such as his inward deficiencies, his having no more love to God, any slackness or dulness, any unsteadiness, or wandering, how did the consideration of such things as these abase him, and fill him with shame and confusion! His love and hope, though they cast out a servile fear of hell, yet were attended with, and promoted a reverential filial fear of God, a dread of sin, and of God’s holy displeasure. His assurance and comfort promoted and maintained mourning for sin: holy mourning with him, was not only the work of an hour or a day, at his first conversion; but he was a mourner for sin all his days. He did not, after he received forgiveness, forget his past sins, committed before his conversion; but the remembrance of them from time to time, filled his heart with renewed grief: and how lastingly did the sins committed after his conversion, affect and break his heart! If he did any thing whereby he thought he had dishonoured God, he had never done with calling it to mind with sorrow: though he was assured that God had forgiven it, yet he never forgave himself.

His religion was not like a blazing meteor, flying through the firmament with a bright train, and then quickly going out; but like the steady lights of heaven, that are constant principles of light, though sometimes hid with clouds. Nor like a land-flood, which flows far and wide, bearing down all afore it, and then dried up; but like a stream fed by living springs; which though sometimes diminished, yet is a _constant stream_.

*Mr. Brainerd’s comforts were not like those of some other persons, which are attended with a spiritual satiety, and put an end to their religious longings, at least to the ardency of them. On the contrary, how were they always attended with longings and thirstings after greater degrees of conformity to God! And the greater and sweeter his comforts were, the more vehement were his desires after holiness. For his longings were not so much after joyful discoveries of God’s love; as after greater spirituality, an heart more engaged for God, to love and exalt, and depend upon him; an ability better to serve him, to do more for his glory. And his desires were powerful and effectual, to animate him to the eager pursuit of these things. His comforts never put an end to his seeking after God, but greatly enlarged him therein.

His religion did not consist only in _experience_, without _practice_. All his comforts had a direct tendency to practice; and this, not merely a practice _negatively_ good, but a practice _positively_ holy, in a serious, devout, humble, meek, charitable, and beneficent conversation: making the service of God, the business of life, which he pursued with the greatest earnestness and diligence to the end of his days.

♦III. The foregoing account shews, that there is indeed such a thing as true _experimental religion_, arising from immediate divine influences, supernaturally enlightening and convincing the mind, and powerfully quickening, sanctifying, and governing the heart; which religion is indeed of happy tendency, and of no hurtful consequence to human society; notwithstanding there have been many pretences to experimental religion, that have proved to be nothing but _enthusiasm_.

♦ point II. not indicated in text

If any insist, that Mr. Brainerd’s religion was _enthusiasm_, I would ask, if such things as these are the fruits of enthusiasm, _viz._ honesty and simplicity, sincere and earnest desires and endeavours, to know and do whatever is right, and to avoid every thing that is wrong; love to God, placing the happiness of life in him; not only in contemplating him, but in being active in pleasing, and ♦serving him; a firm belief in the Messiah, as the Saviour of the world; together with great love to him, and longing for the enlargement of his kingdom; resignation to the will of God, under all trials; benevolence to mankind, reaching all persons without distinction, manifested in sweetness of speech and behaviour, mercy, liberality, and earnest seeking the good of the souls and bodies of men; attended with extraordinary humility, meekness, forgiveness of injuries, and love to enemies; a modest, and decent deportment, among superiors, inferiors, and equals: a diligent improvement of time, and earnest care to lose no part of it; great watchfulness against all sorts ♠of sin, of heart, speech, and action; and the foregoing amiable virtues all ending in a marvellous peace, unmoveable calmness, and resignation, in the sensible approaches of death: I say, if all these things are _enthusiasm_, that enthusiasm is a desirable and excellent thing.

♦ “serve” replaced with “serving” per Errata

♠ “sin” replaced with “of sin” per Errata

And whereas there are many that are not professed opposers of _experimental religion_, who yet doubt of it, from the _bad lives_ of some professors; and are ready to determine there is nothing in all the talk about being born again, because that many that pretend to it, manifest no abiding alteration in their disposition and behaviour; are as careless, carnal, or covetous as ever; yea, perhaps much worse than ever: it is acknowledged, that this is the case with some; but they may see it is not so with all. There are some indisputable instances of such a change, a “renovation of the spirit of the mind,” and a “walking in newness of life.” In the foregoing instance particularly, they may see the abiding influence of such a work of conversion; the fruits of such experience through a course of years; under a great variety of circumstances, and the blessed event of it in life and death.

IV. Is there not much in the preceding memoirs to teach and excite to duty, us who are called to the work of the ministry? What a deep sense had he of the importance of that work, and with what weight did it lie on his mind? How sensible was he of his own insufficiency for this work: and how great was his dependence on God’s sufficiency! How solicitous, that he might be fitted for it! And to this end how much time did he spend in prayer and fasting, as well as reading and meditation; _giving himself to these things_! How did he dedicate his whole life, all his powers and talents to God and renounce the world, with all its ensnaring enjoyments, that he might be wholly at liberty to serve Christ in this work; and to please him who had chosen him to be his soldier. With what solicitude, solemnity, and diligence did he devote himself to God our Saviour, and, seek his presence and blessing, at the time of his _ordination_! And how was his whole heart constantly engaged, his whole time employed, his whole strength spent in the business he then undertook!――And his history shews us the right way to _success_ in the work of the ministry. He sought it as a resolute soldier seeks victory, in a siege or battle, or as a man that runs a race for a prize. Animated with love to Christ and souls, how did he “labour always fervently,” not only in word and doctrine, in public and private, but in prayers day and night, “wrestling with God” in secret, and “travailing in birth,” with unutterable groans, “until, Christ were formed” in the hearts of the people to whom he was sent! How did he thirst for a blessing on his ministry; and “watch for souls as one that must give account!” How did he go forth in the strength of the Lord God; depending on a special influence of the _Spirit_! And what was the happy fruit at last, though after long waiting, and many discouraging appearances! Like a true son of Jacob, he persevered in wrestling until the breaking of the day.

V. The foregoing account may instruct _Christians in general_; as it shews in many respects, the right way of _practising_ religion, in order to obtain the ends of it; or how Christians should “run the race set before them,” if they would adorn their profession, be serviceable to mankind, have the comforts of religion while they live, be free from disquieting doubts; enjoy peace in the approach of death, and “finish their course with joy.”――――In general he much recommended, for this purpose, the _redemption of time_, and great _diligence in watchfulness_.

*And his example, with regard to one duty in special, may be of great use to both ministers and private Christians: I mean the duty of secret fasting. The reader has seen how much Mr. Brainerd recommends this duty, how frequently he exercised himself in it; and of what great benefit it evidently was to his soul. Among all the days he spent in secret fasting and prayer, there is scarce an instance of one, but what was attended with a remarkable blessing.――――But it must be observed, that when he set about this duty, he did it in good earnest: “stirring up himself to take hold of God,” and “continuing instant in prayer,” with much of the spirit of Jacob, who said to the angel. “I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.”

VI. One thing more may be observed in the preceding account, the _remarkable disposal_ of ♦divine Providence, with respect to the circumstances of his last _sickness and death_.

♦ “di-divine” replaced with “divine”

Though he had long been infirm, his constitution being broken by fatigues and hardships; and though he was often brought very low by illness, yet his life was preserved, till he had seen that which he had so greatly desired, a glorious work of grace among the Indians.

And though it was the pleasure of God, that he should be taken off from his labours among that people, who were so dear to him; yet this was not before they were well instructed in the Christian religion, confirmed in the Christian faith and manners, formed into a church; brought into a way with respect to the education of children; collected in a town by themselves, on a good piece of land of their own; and introduced into the way of husbandry. These things were just brought to pass by his indefatigable application, and then he was taken off from his work. If this had been but a little sooner, they would by no means have been prepared for such a dispensation: and it probably would have been ♦more hurt to their spiritual interest, ♠and to the cause of Christianity among them.

♦ “more” replaced with “more hurt” per Errata

♠ “and of” replaced with “and to” per Errata

The time and circumstances of his illness were so ordered, that he had just opportunity to finish his journal. A foundation was hereby laid for a concern in others for that cause, and proper care and measures to be taken for the maintaining it after his death. As it has actually proved to be of great benefit in this respect; it having excited many in those parts, and also more distant parts of America, to exert themselves for the promoting so glorious a work, remarkably opening their hearts and hands: and not only in America, but in Great-Britain, where that Journal has been an occasion of some large benefactions, made for the promoting the interest of Christianity among the Indians.

He was not taken off from the work of the ministry among his people, till his _brother_ was in a capacity to succeed him: who succeeds him in the like spirit, and under whose prudent and faithful care his congregation has flourished, and been very happy, since he left them; and probably could not have been so well provided for otherwise. If Mr. Brainerd had been disabled sooner, his _brother_ would not have been ready to stand up in his place; having taken his first degrees at college, but about that time that he was seized with this fatal consumption.

Though in that winter that he lay sick at Mr. Dickinson’s in Elisabeth-Town, he continued, for a long time in an extreme low state, so that sometimes it was hardly expected he would live a day to an end; yet his life was spared awhile longer; he lived to see his brother arrive in New-Jersey, being come to ♦succeed him in the care of his Indians: and he himself had opportunity to assist in his examination and introduction into his business: and to commit the conduct of his dear people to one whom he well knew, and could use freedom with in giving him particular instructions, and under whose care he could leave his congregation with great chearfulness.

♦ “succed” replaced with “succeed”

The providence of God was remarkable in so ordering it, that before his death he should take a journey to Boston; which was of very happy consequence to the interest of religion, and especially among his own people. By this means, as has been observed, he was brought into acquaintance with many persons of note and influence, ministers, and others, belonging both to the town and various parts of the country; and had opportunity under the best advantages, to bear a testimony for God and true religion.

The providence of God was observable in his going to Boston at a time when not only the honourable commissioners were seeking missionaries, to the Six Nations, but just after his journal, which gives an account of his labours and success among the Indians, had been spread at Boston; whereby his name was known, and the minds of serious people were well prepared to receive him, and the testimony he gave for God; to exert themselves for upholding the interest of religion among his congregation, and among the Indians elsewhere; and to regard his judgment concerning the qualifications of missionaries. If he had gone there the fall before, (when he had intended it, but was prevented by a sudden increase of his illness) it would not have been to so good effect; and also if he had not been unexpectedly detained in Boston. When he went from my house he intended to make but a very short stay there; but divine Providence by his being brought so low there, detained him long: thereby to make way for the fulfilling its own gracious designs.

Thus, although it was the pleasure of God, that he should be taken away from his congregation; yet it was granted to him that before he died he should see them well provided for every way: he saw them provided for with one to instruct them, and take care of their souls; his own brother whom he could confide in; he saw a good foundation laid for the support of the school among them: those things that before were wanting, being supplied; and he had also opportunity to leave all his dying charges, with his successor in the care of his people, and by him to send his dying counsels to them.

*Another thing, wherein appears the merciful disposal of Providence, was that he did not die in the wilderness, among the savages at Kaunaumeek, or the Forks of Delaware, or at Susquahannah: but in a place where his dying behaviour might be observed, and some account given for the benefit of survivors: and also where care might be taken of him in his sickness, and proper honours done him at his death.

*I would not conclude my observations on the merciful circumstances of Mr. Brainerd’s death, without acknowledging with thankfulness, the gracious dispensation of Providence to me and my family in so ordering, that he (though the ordinary place of his abode was more than two hundred miles distant) should be cast to my house, in his last sickness, and should die here: so that we had opportunity for much conversation with him, and to shew him kindness in such circumstances, and to see his dying behaviour, to hear his dying speeches, to receive his dying counsels, and to have the benefit of his dying prayers. May God in infinite mercy grant, that we may ever retain a proper remembrance of these things, and make a due improvement of the advantages we have had! The Lord grant also, that the foregoing account may be for ♦the spiritual benefit of all that read it, and prove a happy means of promoting true religion in the world. Amen.

♦ duplicate word “the” removed

An EXTRACT of
Miss _Mary Gilbert_’s JOURNAL.

TO THE READER.

1. AMONG the innumerable novelties which have appeared in the world, within half a century, I do not remember to have seen the experience of a child written by herself. Herein much variety is not to be expected, nor any art or ornament at all: as she set down from time to time, merely for her own use, just what occurred between God and her own soul. But on this very account, persons of understanding will set the greater value upon it: because it contains only genuine Christian experience, painted in its native colours.

2. The reflections occasionally interspersed, are always just, frequently strong and affecting: particularly those on death, or the shortness of life, especially from the mouth of a child. And the language wherein they are expressed, altho’ plain and altogether unstudied, is yet pure and terse in the highest degree, yea frequently elegant: such as the most polite either of our lawyers or divines would not easily alter for the better. Such language I hardly know where to find, unless in the almost inimitable letters of _Jane Cooper_: between whom and _Miss Gilbert_ there was a remarkable resemblance, both in sentiment and expression. And had it pleased the all-wise Disposer of all things, to give her a few more years on earth, and an increase of grace in proportion to her years, she would have been another _Jane Cooper_.

JOHN WESLEY.

_Liverpool_,
April 7th, 1768.

* * * * *

A short ACCOUNT of
Miss MARY GILBERT.

THE ensuing account it is hoped may animate those who are in the morning of life, to a due improvement of their time, in _remembering their_ CREATOR _in the days of their youth_; so that they may offer him the first fruits of those precious moments, in which they are probationers for an awful eternity: and which when past, whether they have been employed in the important ♦task or not, are irrecoverably gone.

♦ “talk” replaced with “task” per Errata

If it has this happy effect, the desired end will be fully answered, which is, that God’s grace and saving power may be manifested, in additional instances, both of living and dying witnesses.

Miss Mary Gilbert, was the eldest daughter of _Nathaniel Gilbert_, of the island of _Antigua_, Esq; by his wife _Elizabeth_, both persons of good families and eminent piety, whose chief study it was to train up their children in the knowledge of God and his ways, according to the established religion of the _church_ of _England_.

She was born in the same island on the 28th of _February, 1751_, under the happy circumstance of having parents, who as they were wanting in no act of care and tenderness to their offspring, so took care in particular to make them like young _Timothy_, acquainted from their infancy with the _holy scriptures_. In the earliest dawn of reason she discovered an extraordinary capacity and uncommon understanding; a great willingness to learn; and a desire of being instructed, which often occasioned her to ask the most pertinent questions. Such a genius was observed by her parents with much gratitude, to him who is the author and dispenser of every good and perfect gift. Her natural disposition was a mixture of good and evil. She was a strict observer of truth, which appeared to arise from a nobleness of mind, which made her incapable of those meannesses from whence the vice of falshood springs. But as every flower in nature’s garden, however blooming needs improving, so did this principle in her; for as it was productive of some virtues, so it no less occasioned the greatest blemishes in her temper; such as high-spiritedness, pride and self-will; which notwithstanding the shining example of her parents, and their care to restrain, would, while she was very young often gain an ascendency.

In the year 1757, her father and mother made a voyage to _England_, (bringing this daughter and their other children with them) entirely upon a religious account, and in order to enjoy the company of some who were esteemed persons of remarkable piety and extensive usefulness, and with them to partake of those sacred privileges, with which their native island was not yet favoured. During their residence in _England_, she shewed the greatest delight in reading religious books, and in receiving the instruction of serious Christians, who were frequently entertained at her father’s house. So that what was recorded of the royal psalmist, might be asserted of her, _All_ her _delight was in the saints upon earth_. Her father’s affairs calling him back to _Antigua_, he, with his family left _England_, in the beginning of the year 1759, taking with them a person whose sentiments and abilities they approved of, to whose care they committed the education of their children, for whom their daughter Mary soon contracted a very tender affection; far from shunning the company of one that was to correct her faults, and whose presence must restrain the little levities of childhood. She for these very reasons, delighted in being constantly confined with her, even in those hours which she might have spent at play with her sisters. These seasons she employed in improving her mind, and having the liberty of retiring into a closet within her governess’s chamber, she would continue in it for a long time every day reading, praying, and meditating, and her remarks upon what she read, were often just, and instructive.

As soon as she had learned to write, she seldom failed noting down whatever appeared useful in any author she read; and having a very retentive memory, she stored it with scripture truths, so that many of her relatives and others, were greatly surprised at her readiness in repeating, and finding out almost any text in those sacred pages. She likewise wrote several books of well collected texts, in proof of some of the _fundamental doctrines_ of the church of England, such as, _The fallen state of man, the necessity of repentance, of the new birth, and of holiness_. Before she was twelve years of age, she corresponded with some persons in England, and her letters were much admired; tho’ as she grew older, her stile greatly improved, so that she had acquired both an easy and elegant manner of addressing different persons, and upon various occasions, tho’ religion was her constant theme: herein, as in other instances, endeavouring to redeem as much as possible the golden moments of her contracted span.

Thus she gently and profitably passed five years of her pilgrimage, without variation, and exempt from vicissitudes under her parents roof, till in the year 1764, they thought it most for her advantage to send her to _England_, to finish her education. Here she arrived the 28th of May that year: from that time boarding with an aunt, and being under the care of the same tutoress, who had before gone with her to _Antigua_. This separation from the best of parents, could not but prove an afflictive circumstance to one of her great sensibility, and who was a most dutiful and affectionate child; but this was alleviated by the pleasing hopes they gave her, that they themselves would soon come and reside in England, a thought which as it enabled her chearfully to bear their absence, so it animated her to a more than ordinary improvement of time, in order to render them the utmost satisfaction, when she should have the happiness of being restored to them; a period, which she often mentioned with the greatest delight; but which the infinitely wise disposer of events saw right never to indulge her with. It was with great pleasure that we observed, as her years increased, her good understanding, and the power of religion entirely prevailed over those tempers, which have before been mentioned, so that she became, every day more amiable, and was more endeared to all that knew her. On the first of January 1765, she began to keep a diary, chiefly consisting of the Lord’s dealings with her soul. This will give a juster conception of her understanding in the way of godliness, of her improvement of time, and the propriety of her sentiments on many occasions, than any thing that could be said upon the subject. She was one of those happy few, who are not afraid of being singularly pious, and was deeply convinced that the service of God is no impediment to, but the greatest augmentation of true happiness, in every period and circumstance of life. She had learned to disdain the follies of the world, always chusing plainness and neatness in dress, rather than gaiety and extravagance, and preferring an hour’s solitude, spent in communing with her own heart, or in searching the word of God, before all those trifling amusements, which so much engross the attention, and waste the time of the generality of persons of all ages.

Thus though young in years, she contemplated her latter end, and applied her heart unto true wisdom, and is now reaping the vast advantage in a blest eternity. She was so exercised in the needful duty of self-inspection, as to discern the imperfection of her best performances, and utterly to disclaim every other hope of obtaining the divine favour than that built on the sure foundation, Jesus Christ and him crucified. An interest in his atoning blood, was what she sincerely sought after; being truly sensible of the necessity of being born again, before we can enter into the kingdom of heaven. She thought the time long ere she was admitted into the glorious liberty of the children of God; and would greatly deplore her own instability, levity, and want of earnestness, to which she attributed her Lord’s delay; but these things tho’ felt by her tender and enlightened conscience, did not appear to others. And the Lord was not slack concerning his promise, as her following experience proved, when he came suddenly to the temple of her heart, never to leave her more. Some weeks before her last sickness she told a friend, that she had been greatly led out in the meditation of death, that she formerly considered it as very dreadful, but had of late seen it in a different view: so that if it would please God to finish his work in her soul, she could be content, young as she was, to give up all that were dear below, in hope of receiving them again in that eternal day. A few days before her disorder seized her, being asked by a friend, concerning the state of her soul, she said, “she had a confidence that God would not long with-hold the blessing, that she soon should know his pardoning love, and, that she was patiently waiting upon him.” As soon as she was taken ill, (which was on the 10th of January, 1768,) she was asked how she found her mind? She replied, “Quite composed, that she believed the Lord had visited her in love, and that whether it terminated in life, or death, it would be greatly to her advantage.” During the whole time of her illness not a doubt seemed to disturb her, nor did she ever lose her stedfast hope, that if she was taken, the Lord would perfect his work in her soul. She was also endued with a constant spirit of prayer, and to all around behaved with the utmost patience and meekness. She seldom complained, and declared she had not a murmuring thought, tho’ she appeared to suffer exquisitely; her disorder being a putrid fever, with a sore throat, which mortified some days before her dissolution: it was likewise attended with a deafness that encreased gradually, till at last there was no conversing with her. She was also deprived very early of speech, which as she retained her senses, rendered her situation very trying, as well as deprived her friends of that profit and satisfaction, which might otherwise have been expected. But on Thursday the 14th, (before the disease had made so great a progress, tho’ even then her speech was thick, and her hearing dull) she desired the whole family, would come and pray with her, and to some of her friends made this good confession: that she had found Christ, that she loved God, knowing that he had first loved her, that she was now neither afraid nor unwilling to die; and that she experienced unspeakable, and till now, unknown happiness. From this time she spoke but little, except about two days afterwards, when she said to one who desired her to speak to her, that she was perfectly resigned to the divine will; this she uttered with difficulty, and could add no more. But tho’ her lips were thus closed to all below, it was evident, her heart was open to God in prayer, which was discernable from the frequent lifting up of her hands and eyes with great devotion; in this posture she sweetly yielded up her spirit on the 21st instant, at the age of near 17 years.

* * * * *

An EXTRACT from her
JOURNAL.

TUESDAY, January 1st, 1765, when I awoke in the morning, I found my heart raised in thankfulness to God for his mercies, in bringing me to the beginning of another year; and found my soul much in the same frame all the day. *O! may this year be spent more to the glory of my Almighty Maker and Preserver, than the last has been: and may every thought, word and work, tend to this glorious end.

Wednesday 2, I found a blessing while dressing, but lost it by giving way to levity; yet the merciful Lord restored it to me in the evening: blessed be his name.

Thursday 3. I found my soul in a dead, dull frame, with a great disinclination to duty, which I did not yield to, and tho’ I found no immediate blessing, yet I doubt not, but the Lord was pleased with my endeavours to wait upon him.

Friday 4. I awoke with some degree of comfort, and had my thoughts stayed on the things of God. I found a desire, while I heard the book of martyrs read, of being like them; but could not submit to die for the truth as they did; it seemed too great a trial to flesh and blood: yet I trust was the Lord to call me to it, he would give me strength to bear it.

Saturday 5. I spent the morning in writing letters to my dear friends in Antigua, for whom I find the most tender affection. O! that we may all at length meet around the throne, and stand at the last day among the sheep at his right hand!

“O that each in the day
Of his coming, might say,
I have fought my way thro’.
I have finished the work thou didst give me to do.”

Sunday 6. In the morning my thoughts were very wandering and my mind much discomposed. When I came up, I read and writ my journal, and spent the rest of the morning comfortably. In the afternoon I read the experience of Elizabeth West. May I like the bee suck honey out of every flower, gather profit out of every book I read, every sermon I hear, and every occurrence in life, let it seem ever so trifling. The evening text was Isaiah lviii. 1. _Cry aloud and spare not, &c._ The preacher shewed our transgressions in the most glaring colours, and my own conscience convicted me that I had done all which he had mentioned, and more too: so that were I to be tried by works, I could not be saved.

Monday 7. I found my heart raised in thankfulness for the mercies of the night past. O for a continuance of it! Surely had I always a deep sense of the innumerable obligations I owe to my Almighty benefactor, it would keep me from falling into many of those things, which are so prevalent over me. Lord give me a thankful heart.

Tuesday 8. I awoke in a serious frame, but it did not continue long; for I yielded too much to wandering thoughts, which robbed me of that blessing. Lord make me more watchful for the future! In the evening my uncle preached a funeral sermon, on, _It is appointed unto men once to die, &c._ Hebrews ix. 27. My soul was very much blest, and stirred up to seek the Lord, but O how soon do my good resolutions die away. They are like the morning cloud, and the early dew which passeth away. Lord strengthen, and confirm them.

Wednesday 9. I found my soul in a very dead frame, and continued so all the day. I may truly say,

“My drowsy powers why sleep ye so?
Awake my sluggish soul!
Nothing has half thy work to do.
Yet nothing’s half so dull.”

Thou God of love quicken my drooping powers! Stir up and awaken my insensible soul, and give me to seek thy face with my whole heart! And O be thou found of me!

Thursday 10. I was very cold and dead all the day, and found neither power, nor inclination, to pray or read, which I yielded to; and passed the day without performing either of these duties. O my God, pardon my sins of omission, as well as those of commission. They are both as innumerable as the hairs of my head, but thy mercies are still more.

Friday 11. I was very busy this day with setting my things in order, which were come from London, and being in a hurry, my mind was not as stayed as I could have wished. O my God, gather in my scattered thoughts, and let my mind be fixt entire on thee!

Saturday 12. I was enabled, blessed be the Lord, to be serious and watchful. In the evening, Mr. Rodda preached. His text was Mark xii. 24. _Thou art not far from the kingdom of God._ I was much blest under the sermon, and my mind was stayed on what was delivered.

Sunday 13. In the evening, my uncle preached on _Isaiah xxx. 21._ _This is the way, walk ye in it._ I found my thoughts much composed, but being in great pain, I could not attend, as much as I found myself inclined to do. O how many hindrances have we while below! Sometimes from the world, sometimes from the infirmities of the body; and very often from a corrupt heart! Lord, do thou arm me with thy Spirit’s might, and enable me to combat and overcome, all the enemies of my salvation.

Monday 14. Our class met at ten as usual, but my soul was in a very wandering dead frame, and afterwards I was light and trifling; this is the natural consequence of the other, if not strove against.

Tuesday 15. I was in a very cold indifferent frame all the day. In the evening while my uncle catechised us, such a spirit of laughter came upon us, that we could hardly speak. Lord deliver us from a light, trifling spirit, as also from an unloving, disputing spirit.

“Mutual love the token be,
Lord, that we belong to thee.”

In the evening my uncle preached on _Hosea xiv. 1, 2._ My soul was blest especially in singing the last hymn, in which are these sweet words.

“He’ll never quench the smoking flax,
But raise it to a flame:
The bruised reed he never breaks,
Nor scorns the meanest name.”

Wednesday 16. I arose this morning with some degree of recollection and stayedness upon my spirit. It partly continued all the day; but in the evening, yielding to levity, I lost it. Lord, give me power over a trifling spirit! Give me a continual sense of thy presence! Then I shall not easily yield to this or any other temptation. I retired and read the 3d chapter of _Matthew_. Went to prayer, and found enlargement in it.

Thursday 17. All this day I was in a very disagreeable frame, which I cannot well describe. I retired, read the psalms, and the 4th of _Matthew_. O may I like our blessed Lord when tempted, answer the tempter with the word of God. The text this evening was _Isaiah liv. 22_. _Look unto me and be ye saved._ My thoughts were very wandering all the time. O when will my mind be constantly fixed on, and looking to that glorious object of our faith and love!

Friday 18. My soul was in a cold dead frame, and so it continued all the day, yea all the week. For tho’ I cannot accuse myself of the omission of any known duty, yet such a total indifferency I have not felt for some time. O that God would give me to see the fatal cause, the accursed thing that keeps my heart from him!

Saturday 19. I was much in the same state, and felt not the least life in any duty till evening. Then the Lord enabled me to pour out my complaints into his compassionate bosom, with great enlargement. When Mrs. _L――――._ met me, I told her my state, she advised me not to let my deadness discourage me, but still to hold on in the ways of the Lord, who perhaps might be proving and trying me to see if I would do so or not. This gave me some comfort, and left me hopes that he would at length come and visit my soul with his salvation.

Sunday 20. My uncle’s text this evening was _Luke xiii. 3_. _I tell ye nay, but except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish._ The word came with power to my heart. O God, give me grace that I may not prove a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the word, that so I may be blessed in my deed.

Monday 21. I found a desire when I awoke to spend the day to the glory of God, and I made it my earnest prayer to him that he would enable me to do it. I bless God, that through his grace I was serious, and found my mind stayed on him in some measure. O that I may always have a recollected spirit! Thou Lord, hast promised to keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee.

Tuesday 22. My mind was in some measure serious, but not as much as the day before. The text to-night was _Habakkuk ii. 4_. _The just shall live by his faith._ My thoughts were much drawn off on account of my being to set the tune, lest I should forget it. O how easily doth the enemy get an advantage over me, when I am not standing upon my guard! Lord, give me a watchful spirit!

Wednesday 23. My soul seemed like a barren wilderness, where nothing but weeds and thorns grow; nothing but evil did I find in my heart. O my God, give me thyself; then shall this wilderness become like a watered garden which thou hast planted.

Thursday 24. I found my mind kept in a serious frame all the day, blessed be God.

Friday 25. I continued in a serious frame, which I bless God, lasted all the day. O how much sweeter is it to be in such a state, than to enjoy all that the world calls pleasure! But indeed it is only they who term it so. The people of God see there is no pleasure in these foolish things; for surely nothing can satisfy an immortal soul created for the enjoyment of God, but God himself.

Saturday 26. I have reason to praise the Lord, that I found my soul still serious; this I account a great blessing, especially to me, who am naturally of such a trifling spirit.

Monday 28. When I awoke, my thoughts were still stayed, and I bless God, I was in a serious frame all the day. O my soul, if thou hadst always an awful sense of the divine presence, thou wouldest be always serious and recollected, for it is impossible that a soul which considers God is present should dare to behave in a trifling manner before his awful majesty.

Thursday 31. The evening text was _Matthew xi. 28_. _Come unto me all ye that are heavy laden, &c._ My mind was taken up with observing a gentleman and lady who were laughing and talking together all the sermon time. Lord forgive my sin and lay it not to my charge.

Friday _February 1_. My mind was much stayed on the things of God when I awoke and it continued so all the day.

Saturday 2. My soul was much alive this day, and I was given to see more clearly than ever, the mystery of iniquity which is in my heart. O thou who searchest and triest the reins of the children of men, give me to see more and more of the sinfulness of it, and do thou wash and cleanse it in the blood of _Jesus_.

Monday 4. This morning we experienced God’s providential care over us; for the chimney of the little parlour took fire, and might have done great mischief had it not been discovered in time. Thus the Lord took care of us ♦where we knew of no danger, and could not take care of ourselves.

♦ “when” replaced with “where” per Errata

Thursday 7. This day my uncle, and Miss H――――e sat out hastily for Bristol, ♦where my Aunt B――――ly was in great distress, Mr. B――――ly having died suddenly, and left her among strangers, with whom she was quite unacquainted till within three or four weeks. O how many unforeseen troubles are we liable to, which are all so many calls to us, to lay up our heart and treasure above.

♦ “were” replaced with “where”

Sunday 10. Mr. Rodda preached on _Matthew iii. 10_. The discourse, blessed be God, came with power to my soul. O Lord give me the hearing ear, the seeing eye, and the understanding heart.

Monday 11. This morning being to be taken measure off for our mourning, we were obliged to go out, which dissipated my thoughts very much. O what a little serves to draw our minds from God! But alas they are not so easily drawn off other things; such enemies are we to ourselves.

Tuesday 12. My thoughts were pretty much stayed this day, and I was enabled to resist a temptation not to go to prayer because the weather was cold, and I was unwilling to leave the fire.

Wednesday 13. In the evening I read Miss Cooper’s life and letters. Then we all joyned in prayer. My soul was blest and enlarged in that duty. When I was in bed, I took a review of my past life, and found reason to humble myself before God, for my unfaithfulness in not making a better use of his many mercies to me. But O may I now begin and serve and love him all my days.

Monday 18, Tuesday 19. My soul was in a serious and yet dead frame these days. O may I improve every state I am in; and make the very temptations of the enemy, serve ♦as weapons to fight against him with. Thus shall I by throwing his darts back upon his own head, force him to fly from me.

♦ duplicate word “as” removed

Thursday 21. I was in a comfortable frame of spirit this day. In the evening whilst I was conversing with my sisters and cousins upon religion, I found my soul greatly blest; and I was much enlarged afterwards in praying with them, blessed be God.

Sunday 24. I finished writing the life of that excellent man, Mr. Blackerby; O may I live his life, die his death, and be in the place where doubtless he now is. There I shall be free from all impurity, all sorrow, all sin, and be eternally out of the reach of death.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I was in a serious, tho’ dead frame. Lord, quicken, strengthen, and comfort me by thy word, and spirit.

*Thursday 28. Was my birth-day. I found a desire, and resolution, to be more devoted to God the ensuing year, than I was the foregoing. O may the Lord enable me to perform my resolutions. I also found serious reflections on the shortness of life, and thankfulness to God, for sparing me to see fourteen years. O may I let these reflections have their due weight, and influence on all my conduct for the time to come. And always consider that

“My life is a dream,
My time as a stream,
Glides swiftly away:
And the fugitive moments for no one will stay.”

Lord, do thou give me _so to number my days, that I may apply my heart unto wisdom_.

Saturday, March 2. My uncle returned home, and with him my aunt B――――ly, whom I was much rejoiced to see.

Saturday 9. This evening poor Mrs. L――――, was taken extreamly ill. It brought many serious reflections to my mind. Well may we say, in the midst of life we are in death. O may I always consider this and never yield to levity, or any thing which is displeasing to a God of the strictest purity, who may strike me dead in a moment; and since I may die this day, let me spend this and every other as tho’ it were my last.

Sunday 17. At night as I sat by the fire-side, I found my soul blest, and many serious reflections brought to my mind, which continued till I went to bed.