Chapter V: Nonsense

NONSENSE.

Good reader, if you e'er have seen,
When Phoebus hastens to his pillow,
The mermaids with their tresses green
Dancing upon the western billow;
If you have seen at twilight dim,
When the lone spirit's vesper hymn
Floats wild along the winding shore,
The fairy train their ringlets weave
Glancing along the spangled green;
I you have seen all this, and more--
God bless me! what a deal you've seen!

THOMAS MOORE.

THE PURPLE COW.

I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I rather see than be one.

GELETT BURGESS.

PSYCHOLOPHON.

[Supposed to be translated from the Old Parsee.]

Twine then the rays
Round her soft Theban tissues!
All will be as She says,
When that dead past reissues.
Matters not what nor where,
Hark, to the moon's dim cluster!
How was her heavy hair
Lithe as a feather duster!
Matters not when nor whence;
Flittertigibbet!
Sound makes the song, not sense,
Thus I inhibit!

GELETT BURGESS.

THE BAKER'S TALE.

FROM "THE HUNTING OF THE SNARK."

They roused him with muffins--they roused him with ice--
They roused him with mustard and cress--
They roused him with jam and judicious advice--
They set him conundrums to guess.

When at length he sat up and was able to speak,
His sad story he offered to tell;
And the Bellman cried "Silence! Not even a shriek!"
And excitedly tingled his bell.

There was silence supreme! Not a shriek, not a scream,
Scarcely even a howl or a groan,
As the man they called "Ho!" told his story of woe
In an antediluvian tone.

"My father and mother were honest though poor--"
"Skip all that!" cried the Bellman in haste.
"If it once become dark, there's no chance of a Snark--
We have hardly a minute to waste!"

"I skip forty years," said the Baker, in tears,
"And proceed without further remark
To the day when you took me aboard of your ship
To help you in hunting the Snark.

"A dear uncle of mine (after whom I was named)
Remarked, when I bade him farewell--"
"Oh, skip your dear uncle!" the Bellman exclaimed,
As he angrily tingled his bell.

"He remarked to me then," said that mildest of men,
"'If your Snark be a Snark, that is right:
Fetch it home by all means--you may serve it with greens,
And it's handy for striking a light.

"'You may seek it with thimbles--and seek it with care;
You may hunt it with forks and hope;
You may threaten its life with a railway-share;
You may charm it with smiles and soap--'"

("That's exactly the method," the Bellman bold
In a hasty parenthesis cried,
"That's exactly the way I have always been told
That the capture of Snarks should be tried!")

"'But oh, beamish nephew, beware of the day,
If your Snark be a Boojum! For then
You will softly and suddenly vanish away,
And never be met with again!'

"It is this, it is this that oppresses my soul,
When I think of my uncle's last words:
And my heart is like nothing so much as a bowl
Brimming over with quivering curds!

"It is this, it is this--" "We have had that before!"
The Bellman indignantly said.
And the Baker replied, "Let me say it once more.
It is this, it is this that I dread!

"I engage with the Snark--every night after dark--
In a dreamy, delirious fight:
I serve it with greens in those shadowy scenes,
And I use it for striking a light:

"But if ever I meet with a Boojum, that day,
In a moment (of this I am sure),
I shall softly and suddenly vanish away--
And the notion I cannot endure!"

CHARLES LUTWIDGE DODGSON (_Lewis Carroll_).

JABBERWOCKY.

'T was brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought--
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'T was brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

CHARLES LUTWIDGE DODGSON (_Lewis Carroll_).

FOR A NOVEL OF HALL CAINE'S.

AFTER KIPLING.

He sits in a sea-green grotto with a bucket of
lurid paint,
And draws the Thing as it isn't for the God of things as
they ain't.

ROBERT BRIDGES (_Droch_).

INDEX OF AUTHORS AND TITLES.

_For occupation, nativity, etc., of authors, and the_
_American publishers of American poetical works, see_
_General Index of Authors, Volume X._

ADAMS, CHARLES FOLLEN. PAGE.
Dot Long-Handled Dipper, 328
Little Yawcob Strauss, 327

ARISTOPHANES.
Women's Chorus (_Collins' Translation_), 200

ARNOLD, MATTHEW.
Slaying of Sohrab, The, 28

BARHAM, RICHARD HARRIS (_Thomas Ingoldsby, Esq._).
Jackdaw of Rheims, The, 331

BLANCHARD, LAMON.
Ode to the Human Heart, 428

BOKER, GEORGE HENRY.
Countess Laura, 55

BRIDGES, ROBERT (_Droch_).
For a Novel of Hall Caine's, 460

BROOKS, CHARLES TIMOTHY.
Wives of Weinsberg, The (_German of Bürger_), 200

BROWNELL, HENRY HOWARD.
Lawyer's Invocation to Spring, The, 435

BROWNING, ROBERT.
Ivàn Ivànovitch, 102

BUCHANAN, ROBERT.
Fra Giacomo, 76

BÜRGER, GOTTFRIED AUGUST.
Wives of Weinsberg, The (_Brooks' Translation_), 200

BURGESS, FRANK GELETT.
Psycholophon, 456
Purple Cow, The, 455

BURLEIGH, WILLIAM HENRY.
Deborah Lee, 400

BURNS, ROBERT.
Address to the Toothache, 307

BUTLER, SAMUEL.
Hudibras' Sword and Dagger (_Hudibras_), 254

BUTLER, WILLIAM ALLEN.
"Nothing to wear", 213

BYRON, GEORGE NOEL GORDON, LORD.
Prisoner of Chillon, The, 88

CALVERLEY, CHARLES STUART.
Arab, The, 413
Auld Wife, The, 407
Cock and the Bull, The, 402
Disaster, 441
Forever, 424
Lovers and Reflection, 409
Motherhood, 440
Ode to Tobacco, 387
On the Brink, 443

CANNING, GEORGE.
Epitaph on Marquis of Anglesea's Leg, 292
Friend of Humanity and the Knife Grinder, The, 398
Song of One eleven years in Prison, 293

CARLETON, WILL.
New Church Organ, The, 316

CHAMBERS, ROBERT WILLIAM.
Recruit, The, 321

CLAUDIUS, MATTHIAS.
Hen, The (_Translation_), 436

CLOUGH, ARTHUR HUGH.
Latest Decalogue, The, 315

COLERIDGE, SAMUEL TAYLOR.
Epigrams, 286
Metrical Feet, 429

COLLINS, MORTIMER.
Darwin, 383

COLLINS, WILLIAM.
Women's Chorus (_Greek of Aristophanes_), 200

COLMAN, GEORGE, THE YOUNGER.
Gluggity Glug (_The Myrtle and the Vine_), 245
Toby Tosspot, 257

COURTHOPE, WILLIAM JOHN.
Ode to the Roc, 437

COWPER, WILLIAM.
Diverting History of John Gilpin, The, 276
Nose and the Eyes, The, 310
On the Loss of the Royal George, 182

DAVIS, THOMAS OSBORNE.
Sack of Baltimore, The, 127

DOBSON, [HENRY] AUSTIN.
Before Sedan, 101

DODGSON, CHARLES LUTWIDGE (_Lewis Carroll_).
Baker's Tale, The (_The Hunting of the Snark_), 456
Jabberwocky, 459

DOLE, NATHAN HASKELL.
_Larks and Nightingales_, 447

DOWLING, BARTHOLOMEW.
Revelry of the Dying, 170

EURIPIDES.
Sacrifice of Polyxena, The (_Symord's Translation_), 5

FANSHAWE, CATHERINE MARIA.
Riddle, A (_The Letter "H"_), 450

FIELD, EUGENE.
Compliment, The, 342

FIELDS, JAMES THOMAS.
Nantucket Skipper, The, 343

FORRESTER, ALFRED H. (_Alfred Crowquill_).
My Nose, To, 421

FOSS, SAM WALTER.
He'd Had No Show, 351

FRANKLIN, BENJAMIN.
Paper, 289

GAYLORD, WILLIS.
Lines written in an Album, 443

GILBERT, WILLIAM SCHWENCK.
Captain Reece, 297
Terrestrial Globe, To the, 309
Yarn of the "Nancy Bell," The, 301

GILMAN, CHARLOTTE PERKINS STETSON.
Conservative, A, 422

GOLDSMITH, OLIVER.
Elegy on Madam Blaize, 266
Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog, 263

GREENE, ALBERT GORTON.
Old Grimes, 264

HALL, JOSEPH.
Hollow Hospitality, 384

HALLECK, FITZ-GREENE.
Alnwick Castle, 312

HARRINGTON, SIR JOHN.
Of a Certaine Man, 199

HARTE, [FRANCIS] BRET.
Dow's Flat, 368
Jim, 364
Plain Language from Truthful James, 374
Pliocene Skull, To the, 360
Ramon, 176
Society upon the Stanislaus, The, 372

HAY, JOHN.
Banty Jim, 366
Jim Bludso of the Prairie Bell, 358
Little Breeches, 362

HEMANS, FELICIA DOROTHEA BROWNE.
Bernardo del Carpio, 85
Casabianca, 184

HICKEY, EMILY HENRIETTA.
Sea Story, A, 193

HOGG, JAMES.
Women Fo'k, The, 197

HOLMES, OLIVER WENDELL.
Ode for a Social Meeting., 383
One-Hoss Shay, The, 345
Rudolph the Headsman (_This is It_), 293

HOOD, THOMAS.
Art of Book-Keeping, The, 305
Dream of Eugene Aram, The, 157
Faithless Nelly Gray, 268
Faithless Sally Brown, 271
Morning Meditations, 261
Nocturnal Sketch, 430

HUGO, VICTOR MARIE.
Sack of the City, The (_Translation_), 26

HUNT, LEIGH.
Sneezing, 421

INGELOW, JEAN.
High-Tide on the Coast of Lincolnshire, 145

IRWIN, WALLACE.
From "Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum", 394

KINGSLEY, CHARLES.
Sands o' Dee, The, 181
Three Fishers, The, 183

LAMB, CHARLES.
Farewell to Tobacco, A, 389

LANDOR, WALTER SAVAGE.
Iphigeneia and Agamemnon, 3

LANG, ANDREW.
Of Blue China, 448

LANIGAN, GEORGE THOMAS.
Threnody, A, 451

LELAND, CHARLES GODFREY.
Hans Breitmann's Party, 325
Ritter Hugo, 324

LOCKER-LAMPSON, FREDERICK.
On an Old Muff, 235

LONGFELLOW, HENRY WADSWORTH.
Wreck of the Hesperus, The, 186

LOWELL, JAMES RUSSELL.
America (_A Fable for Critics_), 337
Grave-Yard, The (_A Fable for Critics_), 261
What Mr. Robinson Thinks (_Biglow Papers_), 339

MACAULAY, THOMAS BABINGTON, LORD.
Roman Father's Sacrifice, The (_Virginia_), 16

MAGINN, WILLIAM.
Irishman and the Lady, The, 320

MOORE, THOMAS.
Nonsense, 455
Orator Puff, 273

NEWELL, EGBERT HENRY (_Orpheus C. Kerr_).
Poems for a National Anthem, 415

O'BRIEN, FITZ-JAMES.
Second Mate, The, 189

OGDEN, EVA L.
Sea, The, 227

O'KEEFFE, JOHN.
"I am a friar of orders gray" (_Robin Hood_), 247

PAYNE, JOHN HOWARD.
Lucius Junius Brutus over the body of Lucretia
(_Brutus_), 14

PRAED, WINTHROP MACKWORTH.
Belle of the Ball, The, 207

PUNCH.
Collegian to his Bride, The, 434

PUNCH'S "POETICAL COOKERY BOOK."
Roasted Sucking-Pig, 385

RILEY, JAMES WHITCOMB.
Griggsby's Station, 349

ROCHE, JAMES JEFFREY.
V-A-S-E-, The, 446

ROGERS, SAMUEL.
Ginevra, 81

RUSSELL, IRWIN.
De Fust Banjo, 377
Nebuchadnezzar, 380

SAXE, JOHN GODFREY.
Echo, 211
Proud Miss MacBride, The, 228
Railroad Rhyme, 431

SCHILLER, JOHANN CHRISTOPH FRIEDRICH VON.
Diver, The (_Translation_), 44

SCOLLARD, CLINTON.
Khamsin, 42

SCOTT, DUNCAN CAMPBELL.
At the Cedars, 178

SHAKESPEARE, WILLIAM.
Antony's Oration (_Julius Cæsar_), 20
Dagger of the Mind, A (_Macbeth_), 120
Murder, The (_Macbeth_), 122
Othello's Remorse (_Othello_), 67

SHELLEY, PERCY BYSSHE.
Trial of Beatrice (_The Cenci_), 68

SMITH, HORACE.
Gouty Merchant and the Stranger, The, 275

SMITH, SYDNEY.
Recipe for Salad, A, 387

SOUTHEY, CAROLINE ANNE BOWLES.
Young Gray Head, The, 132

SOUTHEY, ROBERT.
God's Judgment on a wicked Bishop, 52
Well of St. Keyne, The, 204

STANTON, FRANK LEBBY.
Plantation Ditty, A (_Comes One with a Song_), 376

STEPHEN, JAMES KENNETH.
Lapsus Calami, 422

STERLING, JOHN.
Rose and the Gauntlet, The, 131

STILL, JOHN.
Good Ale, 248

STODDARD, RICHARD HENRY.
Sea, The, 192

SWIFT, JONATHAN.
Tonis ad Resto Mare, 319
Vowels, The: An Enigma, 311

SWINBURNE, ALGERNON CHARLES.
Nephelidia, 411

SYMONDS, JOHN ADDINGTON.
Sacrifice of Polyxena, The (_Greek of Euripides_), 5

TAYLOR, JEFFREYS.
Milkmaid, The, 259

TENNYSON, ALFRED, LORD.
Rizpah, 151

THACKERAY, WILLIAM MAKEPEACE.
Little Billee, 296
Sorrows of Werther, 204

WHEWELL, WILLIAM.
Physics, 434

WILKINS, WILLIAM,
In the Engine-Shed, 165

WILLIS, NATHANIEL PARKER.
Parrhasius, 8

WILLSON, ARABELLA M.
To the "Sextant", 355

WOLCOTT, OR WOLCOT, JOHN (_Peter Pindar_).
Pilgrims and the Peas, The, 249
Razor-Seller, The, 287

ANONYMOUS.
Belagholly Days, 420
Cosmic Egg, The, 436
Drummer-Boy's Burial, The, 172
Echo and the Lover, 210
Fine old English Gentleman, The, 255
King John and the Abbot of Canterbury, 241
Life's Love, 382
Lines to Miss Florence Huntingdon, 453
Modern Hiawatha, The, 414
Modern House that Jack Built, The, 396
My Love, 427
Mystified Quaker in New York, The, 352
Perils of Thinking, 380
Saddened Tramp, A, 395
Saint Anthony's Sermon to the Fishes, 239
Siege of Belgrade, 426
Swell's Soliloquy, The, 341
Too Great a Sacrifice, 394
Twa Corbies, The, 126
Vicar of Bray, The, 251
Woman, 197

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