Chapter I: Act I: Scene I

_EDWARD CHURT’S studio in Knightsbridge is furnished with mingled opulence and good taste—he is a successful modern portrait-painter._

[_When the curtain rises it is about 2.30 a.m. There is a faint glow
from the fireplace on the left; a table stands more or less C.,
upon which is a reading lamp illumining a decanter of whisky, some
siphons, a plate of biscuits and another of sandwiches, and two or
three glasses; there are also a box of cigarettes and matches. The
rest of the room is in comparative darkness. There is the sound of
a taxi drawing up in the street, then after a suitable pause the
noise of the front door being opened. CAROL CHURT enters, followed
by HARRY CHALLONER. They are both in evening dress. CAROL is lovely
and exquisitely gowned; her vivid personality is composed of a
minimum of intellect and a maximum of sex. HARRY possesses all the
earmarks of a social success—he is an excellent ballroom dancer,
compared with which his activities in the city are negligible._]

CAROL

Don’t make a noise.

HARRY

I wasn’t.

CAROL

I didn’t say you were—I said don’t.

HARRY

All right.

CAROL

Do you want a drink?

HARRY

Yes, please.

CAROL

Help yourself then—and give me one.

[_She takes off her cloak and lights a cigarette._]

HARRY

Say when.

CAROL

That’s enough.

[_He fills up the glass with soda and hands it to her._]

HARRY

Here.

CAROL

Thanks.

HARRY

You are a marvel.

CAROL

Why?

HARRY

You’re so steady.

CAROL

I don’t see any reason for being anything else.

HARRY

You don’t think he’ll find out?

CAROL

Of course not.

HARRY

Where does he sleep?

CAROL

[_Pointing to door, R._]

In there.

[_HARRY, with big drink in his hand, tiptoes over and listens at the
door._]

HARRY

I can’t hear a sound.

CAROL

He doesn’t snore unless he’s taken to it lately.

HARRY

[_Returning_]

Darling, do you love me?

CAROL

What a silly question!

HARRY

It’s all been so wonderful.

CAROL

[_Smiling_]

Has it?

HARRY

Well, hasn’t it?

CAROL

Yes, it has rather. [_He puts down his drink and takes her in his arms._] Look out—

[_She is holding her glass out at arm’s length to prevent it
upsetting._]

HARRY

Put it down, darling—

[_There is a good deal of passion in his voice when he says,
“darling.”_]

CAROL

Why?

HARRY

I want to kiss you.

CAROL

Again?

HARRY

Yes, again and again and again—forever.

[_He takes her glass and slams it down on the table._]

CAROL

Shhh! Don’t be a fool.

HARRY

I don’t care—

[_He kisses her lingeringly._]

CAROL

[_Gently disentangling herself_]

I do—it’s silly to be reckless.

HARRY

I don’t believe you love me as much as you did before.

CAROL

It isn’t that at all—you know it isn’t.

HARRY

Kiss me then.

CAROL

Very well.

[_She goes up to him and quietly kisses him on the mouth. They stand
there motionless for a moment._]

HARRY

I want you—all over again—for the first time.

CAROL

[_Stroking his face_]

Darling.

HARRY

I’m crazy about you.

CAROL

You must go home to bed now.

HARRY

Will you telephone me?

CAROL

Yes.

HARRY

First thing?

CAROL

Yes.

HARRY

Promise.

CAROL

Promise.

[_They go out of the door. There is a little whispering in the hall.
Then a silence and the sound of the front door closing gently. CAROL
comes back into the studio pensively. She finishes her whisky and
soda, takes a biscuit, and flings her cloak over her arm; then she
switches off the light and goes slowly off up R. Her door closes.
After a slight pause EDWARD CHURT rises from the big armchair by
the fire in which he has been sitting with his back to the audience,
and goes over to the table. He switches on the lamp again and helps
himself to a sandwich; he munches it thoughtfully for a moment, then
with an air of determination picks up the whole plate, switches off
the lamp and—retires to his room._]

CURTAIN

SCENE II

_The scene is the same. It is an afternoon a few weeks later about five o’clock._

[_When the curtain rises, LADY MARGOT BUTLER is seated down-stage in
a slightly picturesque attitude. She is a good-looking woman of about
thirty-five. EDWARD is working on a sketch of her and is hidden from
view behind an easel._]

MARGOT

I’m much more comfortable now, Edward.

EDWARD

Yes, I see you are. Would you mind getting uncomfortable again?

MARGOT

[_Rearranging herself_]

It _is_ a shame. Why do you insist on drawing people in such agonizing positions?

EDWARD

It makes them feel they’re getting their money’s worth. You can rest in a moment and have a cigarette.

MARGOT

Was Violet Netherson pleased with your malicious portrayal of all her worst points?

EDWARD

Delighted. As a matter of fact, it _is_ one of the best things I’ve done.

MARGOT

Yes, but hardly from her point of view. I should never forgive you if you did that to me.

EDWARD

I shall do something much worse if you don’t keep still.

MARGOT

What about that cigarette?

EDWARD

Shut up.

MARGOT

All right. [_There is silence for a moment._] Is that one by the door new?

EDWARD

Yes, it’s the Fenwick girl—her mother’s convinced that she’s a wild woodland type.

MARGOT

St. John’s Woodland.

EDWARD

I had a bit of a tussle with her.

MARGOT

I like it.

EDWARD

There now, you can relax. I shan’t do any more to-day.

[_MARGOT rises quickly and strides about._]

MARGOT

I should loathe to be a professional model.

EDWARD

There are worse fates I believe. Would you like tea or cocktails or anything?

MARGOT

I should like some tea now and a cocktail later on.

EDWARD

Are you going to stay a long time?

MARGOT

I told Bobbie to pick me up.

EDWARD

[_Ringing bell_]

How is Bobbie?

MARGOT

Splendid. I’m still mad about him.

EDWARD

That’s right.

MARGOT

You don’t like him, do you?

EDWARD

I hardly know him.

MARGOT

He’s such a darling, and a great comfort to me.

EDWARD

[_Standing back and regarding his sketch_]

I shall only need one more sitting.

MARGOT

I believe you disapprove of me and Bobbie.

EDWARD

Don’t be ridiculous. Why should I?

MARGOT

You must _never_ disapprove of things, Edward. It’s so second rate.

EDWARD

You don’t mean that a bit.

MARGOT

Yes, I do.

EDWARD

You secretly disapprove of the whole affair, yourself, really. That’s why you always talk about it so much—to sort of brazen it out and put yourself straight with yourself.

MARGOT

Edward, how _can_ you! Anyhow, why shouldn’t I talk about it. You all know. Everybody knows.

EDWARD

Reticence as a national quality seems to be on the wane.

MARGOT

What a pompous remark!

EDWARD

Perhaps—but true. [_Enter BERRY._] Tea please, Berry.

BERRY

Very good, sir.

MARGOT

Lemon with mine, please, Berry.

BERRY

Yes, my lady.

[_He goes out._]

MARGOT

You’re an awfully difficult person to know properly.

EDWARD

Am I?

MARGOT

You don’t give an inch, do you?

EDWARD

Why should I?

MARGOT

Oh, I don’t know. Confidences and discussions of everything make life so much more amusing.

EDWARD

Modern society seems to demand intimacy all in a minute. You all lay bare your private affairs to comparative strangers without a qualm.

MARGOT

Oh, Edward, dear, _we’re_ not strangers.

EDWARD

We met for the first time six months ago.

MARGOT

It seems _ever_ so much more.

EDWARD

You’d told me all about Jim and Bobbie and your exact feelings toward each of them before we’d known each other a month.

MARGOT

It’s because you’re so sympathetic; you invite confidence.

EDWARD

Nonsense.

MARGOT

You’re being perfectly horrid to-day. Has anything happened to upset you?

EDWARD

No, I don’t think so.

MARGOT

Well I shan’t sit for you again unless you’re in a better temper.

EDWARD

Don’t be cross.

MARGOT

I’m not cross. I’m hurt.

EDWARD

I think perhaps I do feel a little nervy.

MARGOT

There now, I knew it.

[_BERRY enters with tea._]

EDWARD

Here’s tea, anyhow. When Lord Romford calls, Berry, show him straight in, will you?

BERRY

Yes, sir.

EDWARD

You’d better make some cocktails.

BERRY

Very well, sir.

[_He goes out._]

MARGOT

Do you want lemon or milk?

EDWARD

Neither, thanks. Just plain unvarnished tea.

MARGOT

Is that Katherine Loring? [_Looking at picture._]

EDWARD

Yes, unfinished.

MARGOT

She always is unfinished. She has a negligible personality, I’m afraid. Here you are.

[_She hands him his tea._]

EDWARD

Thank you.

MARGOT

I hear Zoe’s back.

EDWARD

Yes, she rang me up this morning.

MARGOT

Where’s she been, exactly?

EDWARD

All over the place.

MARGOT

Who with?

EDWARD

By herself, I believe.

MARGOT

My dear, she must have been with _somebody_. She couldn’t have been all alone after all that awful business. She’d have gone mad.

EDWARD

She’ll be here soon. You’ll be able to ask her about it.

MARGOT

You were engaged to her once, weren’t you?

EDWARD

Now then, Margot.

MARGOT

You were. I _know_ you were. Carol told me.

EDWARD

Well, as a matter of fact, we weren’t actually. We’ve been friends since we were children and we did discuss marriage at one time, but without great conviction.

MARGOT

I can’t understand why she let Kenneth divorce her. Everybody knows—

EDWARD

Zoe wished for her freedom and just went about getting it as quickly as possible.

MARGOT

Well I don’t know how she could have faced it. I shouldn’t have dared—

EDWARD

You’re less independent than she is.

MARGOT

I believe you’re going to be horrid again.

[_BERRY enters._]

BERRY

[_Announcing_]

Lord Romford.

[_BOBBIE ROMFORD enters. He is a nice-looking, meaningless young man._]

BOBBIE

Excuse my butting in like this, Churt.

[_He and EDWARD shake hands._]

EDWARD

We were expecting you. The cocktails will be here in a moment.

BOBBIE

Hallo, Margot! How’s the picture going?

MARGOT

It’s nearly finished, but Edward won’t let me see it. He’s been thoroughly soured up all the afternoon.

EDWARD

Margot has been trying to persuade me to brush my hair with her.

BOBBIE

[_Puzzled_]

Brush your hair?

EDWARD

Yes, metaphorically speaking.

BOBBIE

[_Relieved_]

Oh, I see.

EDWARD

Hair-brushing is a symbol of girlish confidences. Even the nicest people do it.

MARGOT

Edward shuts up like a clam the moment I try to discuss anything in the least interesting. Where have you been, Bobbie?

BOBBIE

Playing squash with Evie at the Bath Club.

EDWARD

Why didn’t you bring him along?

BOBBIE

He said he was coming on later.

MARGOT

I suppose he won.

BOBBIE

Yes; he always does.

[_Enter BERRY with a tray of cocktails._]

EDWARD

Put them down here, Berry. [_He clears a space on the table._] Do you want any more tea, Margot?

MARGOT

No thanks.

EDWARD

Take away the remains, then, Berry.

BERRY

Yes, sir.

[_He piles the tea things up and takes them out._]

BOBBIE

I saw your wife in St. James’s Street, Churt.

MARGOT

[_Eagerly_]

Who was she with?

BOBBIE

Harry Challoner.

MARGOT

I love Harry. Don’t you, Edward?

EDWARD

Passionately.

MARGOT

I expect they were going to Fanny’s. She’s got a mah-jong party. She seems to imagine it’s a novelty. I ought to be there, really, but I just felt I couldn’t bear it—all those hot scented women squabbling over the scores.

BOBBIE

Do you mind if I take a cigarette, Churt?

EDWARD

Of course not. I’m so sorry. [_He hands the box._] Margot?

MARGOT

Thanks, Edward dear.

[_BERRY enters._]

BERRY

[_Announcing_]

Mrs. St. Merryn.

[_ZOE ST. MERRYN enters. She is beautifully dressed and pleasantly
unexaggerated._]

ZOE

Edward! [_She takes both his hands._] I’m terribly excited at seeing you again.

EDWARD

It’s grand, isn’t it, after a whole year.

ZOE

I’ve got so much to say I don’t know where to start. [_She sees MARGOT._] Margot, this is lovely. How are you?

[_They kiss._]

MARGOT

You look divine, darling. Do you know Bobbie?

ZOE

[_Shaking hands with him_]

Bobbie who?

MARGOT

Romford, dear.

ZOE

[_With a swift glance at MARGOT._]

Oh, yes, of course. I’ve heard of you.

MARGOT

_What_ have you heard? You must tell me.

ZOE

I can’t remember at the moment. Edward, give me a cigarette and a cocktail and tell me all about everything.

EDWARD

[_Ministering to her_]

Cigarette—cocktail—there.

ZOE

Thank you. Now then—

EDWARD

I don’t know where to start any better than you do.

ZOE

How’s Carol?

EDWARD

Awfully well.

ZOE

Where is she?

EDWARD

Out. She leads rather a hectic life I’m afraid—matinées, bridge, mah-jong, dancing—

ZOE

You reel off those four harmless occupations as though they were the most ignoble of human frailties.

EDWARD

I didn’t mean to, really.

ZOE

They’re wonderful _pis allers_ for people who don’t do things.

EDWARD

I don’t believe in _pis allers_.

ZOE

That’s not a virtue; it’s just part of your creative equipment.

MARGOT

I want to hear all about your travels, Zoe—where you’ve been and who with.

ZOE

[_Laughing_]

It’s difficult to remember accurately who I was with all the time. You may rest assured that I had an endless succession of lovers, beginning with an elderly mulatto in Honolulu and finishing with a retired matador in Seville.

EDWARD

I hope you’re satisfied, Margot.

MARGOT

Don’t be so annoying, Zoe. I really am frightfully interested.

ZOE

You always are, darling, in other people’s affairs.

MARGOT

Naturally—they all sound so much more entertaining than my own. Did you see Jim anywhere about in Spain?

ZOE

Yes, in Barcelona. He’d just come in from a yachting cruise.

MARGOT

[_Eagerly_]

_Who_ was with him? _Do_ tell me!

ZOE

Nobody. I met him coming out of a bathroom at the Ritz.

MARGOT

Did he look more or less unattached?

ZOE

Yes. He seemed quite happy.

EDWARD

Margot’s interest in her husband is so maternal, it always makes me feel as though I were in the presence of something sacred!

MARGOT

I’m awfully fond of Jim, really—particularly when he’s on a yachting cruise.

ZOE

Are you definitely living apart now?

MARGOT

Oh yes—except for religious festivals like Easter and Christmas; then we forgather and go down to Draycott with the children.

EDWARD

[_Smiling_]

It seems a comfortable arrangement, doesn’t it?

ZOE

Frightfully.

MARGOT

[_Reflectively_]

We _could_ get a divorce, I suppose, but it would make such dreary complications. And then when you’re free there’s the awful danger of starting the whole thing over again with some one else.

ZOE

I haven’t noticed it.

MARGOT

You will, I expect, dear—later on. [_She rises._] I’ve enjoyed my nice cocktail very much, thank you, Edward. I must go now. Come and lunch on Thursday, Zoe darling. I’ve only got Rebecca coming. She’ll adore seeing you again.

ZOE

All right. One-thirty?

MARGOT

Yes. Come along, Bobbie. Good-by, Edward. Give my love to Carol.

EDWARD

I will. Good bye.

BOBBIE

Good bye.

MARGOT

[_At door_]

You’ve come back from abroad a changed woman, Zoe, if _that’s_ any comfort to you.

[_She and BOBBIE go out._]

ZOE

What a sham Margot is, isn’t she?

EDWARD

Not really. Just a type.

ZOE

Yes, but she’s a type that couldn’t exist unless surrounded by false values.

EDWARD

She’s making the best of a bad job.

ZOE

She’s letting everything slide—morals, dignity, and discretion. Thank Heaven, I broke away. I might have got like that.

EDWARD

I wonder if breaking away _is_ such a very good plan.

ZOE

Of course it is. It’s the most regenerating thing in the world.

EDWARD

You’re so dashing, Zoe. Have another cigarette?

ZOE

[_Taking one_]

Thanks. I feel almost panic-stricken, you know.

EDWARD

Why?

ZOE

Coming back anywhere is always such a dreadful anti-climax.

EDWARD

Not such an anti-climax as staying still.

ZOE

To think that all this used to be my life before I let Kenneth divorce me.

EDWARD

It’s pretty futile, isn’t it?

ZOE

Futile! I return after a year’s oblivion, thrilled and excited, longing to see all my old friends, and what do I find? Clacking shallow nonentities doing the same things, saying the same things, thinking the same things. They’re stale. They seem to have lost all wit and charm, and restraint—or perhaps they never had any. Oh dear! I’ve never felt so depressed in my life.

EDWARD

I hope I haven’t let you down, too.

ZOE

No, Edward. You’re unchanged; a little dim, perhaps.

EDWARD

Dim?

ZOE

Yes. All your vitality seems to have been snuffed out by something. I expect it’s success. That’s always frightfully undermining.

EDWARD

Yes, I suppose it is.

ZOE

Are you pleased with everything?

EDWARD

Naturally.

ZOE

I’m sorry.

EDWARD

Why? Oughtn’t I to be?

ZOE

You oughtn’t to pretend.

EDWARD

Pretend?

ZOE

Yes. You never used to—with me, anyhow.

EDWARD

One gets into the habit of accepting things at their surface value and not looking any deeper.

ZOE

It’s a bad habit.

EDWARD

I must pretend. Don’t you see?

ZOE

No.

EDWARD

I’m successful—prosperous. I’ve got everything I wanted.

ZOE

You haven’t. You’ve merely got what other people think you wanted.

EDWARD

[_Smiling_]

You’re wonderfully stimulating, Zoe—like a breath of Brighton air.

ZOE

You look as if you need stimulating, badly.

EDWARD

I do.

ZOE

I’m glad I came back now.

EDWARD

So am I. Devoutly glad.

ZOE

What’s wrong?

EDWARD

Lots of things.

ZOE

Carol?

EDWARD

Yes.

ZOE

I thought so.

EDWARD

You were right from the first. It’s been a dreary failure.

ZOE

I apologize. It’s so irritating being right.

EDWARD

It doesn’t irritate me in the least. With anyone else it would, perhaps. But you’re different; you always have been.

ZOE

I know you better than most people.

EDWARD

I know you do.

ZOE

What has she been doing?

EDWARD

The obvious thing.

ZOE

I must say I consider marriage an overrated amusement.

EDWARD

I feel rather lost.

ZOE

Yes, I did, too—over Kenneth. It’s a nasty feeling.

EDWARD

It’s so difficult to know exactly the right attitude to adopt.

ZOE

Are you in love with her still?

EDWARD

I don’t know, really. Not violently like at first—that’s died down, naturally—but somehow—things get an awful hold on you, don’t they?

ZOE

Yes, fortunately for the sanctity of home life.

EDWARD

But the hold ought to be mutual.

ZOE

Quite.

EDWARD

I have moments of fierce rage, you know; then it evaporates, leaving a dead sort of a calm.

ZOE

How long have you known?

EDWARD

Ages, subconsciously; definitely, only a few weeks.

ZOE

Does she know you know?

EDWARD

She hasn’t the faintest suspicion. She’s always been marvelously self-assured.

ZOE

She’s a lovely creature—governed entirely by sex. That’s why she’s self-assured.

EDWARD

Will she always go on like this?

ZOE

I expect so. Anyhow, as long as she remains attractive—probably after. That’s the penalty of her type.

EDWARD

It’s beastly, isn’t it?

ZOE

Yes, but quite inevitable, I’m afraid. You see she’s got no intellect to provide ballast.

EDWARD

Poor Carol.

ZOE

I think you’re the one to be considered most at the present moment.

EDWARD

Do you think I ought to have a scene with her about it? I shrink from that. It seems to double the humiliation.

ZOE

I honestly don’t know what to say. She’s been actually unfaithful to you?

EDWARD

Yes.

ZOE

Often?

EDWARD

[_Wearily_]

I suppose so. Harry Challoner is in possession at present.

ZOE

Oh dear! How typical.

EDWARD

Everything of that sort is made so much easier for people nowadays. I suppose it’s an aftermath of the war.

ZOE

It’s the obvious result of this “barriers down” phase through which we seem to be passing. Everyone is at close quarters with everyone else. There’s no more glamour. Everything’s indefinite and blurred except sex, so people are instinctively turning to that with a rather jaded vigor. It’s pathetic when you begin to analyze it.

EDWARD

What fools they all are!

ZOE

[_Half smiling_]

Has being a success made you realize that?

EDWARD

Yes. There wasn’t time before.

ZOE

Why don’t you do what I did—go away?

EDWARD

It means sacrificing a good deal of work here in London. I’ve only just got my foot in, really.

ZOE

Divorce?

EDWARD

I don’t feel equal to it at the moment—all the vile publicity, and the lascivious curiosity leveled at Carol and me. It makes me shudder to think of it.

ZOE

For a society portrait-painter you seem unduly sensitive.

EDWARD

If I felt vindictive toward Carol it would be so much easier. But I don’t—I merely feel nauseated and frightfully, frightfully bored.

ZOE

The longer you allow it to drift, the worse it will become.

EDWARD

You think I ought to clinch it finally.

ZOE

Yes, I do. Once you’ve embarked you’ll feel better.

EDWARD

No, I shan’t.

ZOE

I believe you are still in love with her.

EDWARD

No; but I could be again if everything were all right. Oh, Zoe, I loathe this age and everything to do with it. Men of my sort are the products of over-civilization. All the red-blooded honest-to-God emotions have been squeezed out of us. We’re incapable of hating enough or loving enough. When any big moment comes along, good or bad, we hedge round it, arguing, weighing it in the balance of reason and psychology, trying to readjust the values until there’s nothing left and nothing achieved. I wish I were primitive enough to thrash Carol and drive her out of my life forever—or strong enough to hold her—but I’m not; I’m just an ass—an intelligent spineless ass!

[_He flings himself into a chair and takes a cigarette._]

ZOE

All the same, being the product of an Age equips you for grappling with it. You’ve got more chance as you are than, say, Evie Bathurst, for instance.

EDWARD

Evie goes straight for what he wants and gets it.

ZOE

He doesn’t demand as much as you.

EDWARD

He’s a damned sight happier.

ZOE

I should imagine he misses a good deal.

EDWARD

What does that matter? This situation could never happen to him. He wouldn’t let it.

ZOE

You mustn’t place too much faith in the strong and silent, Edward. They crumple up quicker than any of us when confronted with something outside their very limited range.

EDWARD

You don’t like Evie, do you?

ZOE

You forget I’ve been married to one of his species.

EDWARD

Evie’s not a cad.

ZOE

How do you know?

EDWARD

He could never behave as foully as Kenneth.

ZOE

Kenneth was never anything but an honorable, clean-living Englishman.

EDWARD

He divorced you.

ZOE

Only because I made him.

EDWARD

Why didn’t he let you divorce him?

ZOE

It would have been bad for his military career.

EDWARD

You deliberately put yourself in the wrong.

ZOE

Yes.

EDWARD

And you really think it was worth while?

ZOE

Certainly I do. Our mutual boredom was verging on hatred—there was no hope of getting back, ever. What’s the use of going on with a thing that’s dead and done for? I decided to break free.

EDWARD

Is one really happier free?

ZOE

Don’t be fatuous, Edward darling.

EDWARD

I don’t think I have enough initiative to do anything definite like that.

ZOE

You don’t need much initiative. All you’ve got to do is wait for your opportunity, and grab it!

[_Enter BERRY._]

BERRY

[_Announcing_]

Major Bathurst.

[_Enter EVELYN BATHURST. He is tall, handsome, soldierly, and
essentially masculine. His gaze is frank and correct._]

[_BERRY exits._]

EVELYN

Hullo, Edward! Zoe, I haven’t seen you for years.

[_They shake hands._]

ZOE

How are you, Evie?

EVELYN

Splendid! I feel awfully guilty, though. I meant to have written and sympathized over all your beastly divorce business. Will you forgive me?

ZOE

There’s nothing to forgive. It was all a howling success, anyway.

EVELYN

Success! Whew! You must have had the hell of a time!

ZOE

It was unpleasant but illuminating.

EDWARD

Want a cocktail, Evie?

EVELYN

No, thanks.

EDWARD

Cigarette?

EVELYN

Rather—yes.

[_He takes one._]

ZOE

How was India?

EVELYN

I don’t know. I haven’t been there.

ZOE

I’m so sorry. I thought you had.

EVELYN

No. Morocco was quite warm enough for me.

ZOE

You arrived at an opportune moment. We were just discussing you.

EVELYN

Good God! What for?

ZOE

Edward was wishing he were more like you.

EVELYN

That’s uncommonly nice and right of him. Why this sudden burst of inferiority, Edward?

EDWARD

It’s been brewing up for a long time.

EVELYN

[_Laughing_]

Oh, well, we all come to our senses sooner or later.

ZOE

Not always, Evie.

EVELYN

My only quarrel with Edward is he doesn’t take enough exercise.

EDWARD

I’m not very good at exercise.

EVELYN

You never make any effort. Why don’t you come and play squash with me sometimes?

EDWARD

That’s not exercise, it’s flagellation.

EVELYN

He’s looking a bit off color, don’t you think, Zoe?

ZOE

Only comparatively.

EVELYN

Been over-working, I suppose?

EDWARD

No, not really.

ZOE

[_Rising_]

I must go now, Edward.

EVELYN

I shall take it as a personal affront if you leave the moment I arrive.

ZOE

No, you won’t, Evie. Good-by.

EVELYN

[_Shaking hands_]

Come and have a bit of food sometime.

ZOE

I should love to.

EVELYN

Where are you staying?

ZOE

Claridges.

EVELYN

Right. I’ll call you up.

ZOE

Good-by, Edward.

EDWARD

Come again soon, please.

ZOE

Of course. Telephone me to-morrow morning.

EDWARD

I will.

ZOE

Give my love to Carol.

[_EVELYN opens the door for her and she goes out. EDWARD stands looking
after her thoughtfully._]

EVELYN

[_Sitting down again_]

Extraordinary woman Zoe.

EDWARD

Why extraordinary?

EVELYN

I don’t know. She’s so self-assured.

EDWARD

[_Absently_]

Yes. I think she has every reason to be.

EVELYN

She faced all that divorce business very pluckily. Kenneth seems to have behaved like a pretty average swine.

EDWARD

Yes.

EVELYN

Why on earth did she ever marry him?

EDWARD

[_Wearily_]

Why does anyone ever marry anyone?

EVELYN

I’ve never felt the urge very strongly. I suppose I’ve seen too much of it.

EDWARD

That doesn’t make any difference, really.

EVELYN

Women are so damned complicated to live with—specially Zoe’s sort.

EDWARD

I don’t think Zoe is particularly complicated. She’s always appeared to me to be pretty clear-headed and direct.

EVELYN

Oh well, you know her better than I do.

EDWARD

You’re wonderfully single-minded, aren’t you?

EVELYN

Single-minded?

EDWARD

Yes. You live according to formulated codes, and you never try to look either under or over them. I do envy you.

EVELYN

You needn’t. I have my ups and downs.

EDWARD

Do you, really? Ever since we were at school I’ve always regarded you as being quite invulnerable.

EVELYN

[_Complacently_]

Don’t be a fool, old man.

EDWARD

I suppose it’s a remnant of hero worship.

EVELYN

Rot! I’m a bit more balanced than you, that’s all.

EDWARD

That wouldn’t be very difficult.

EVELYN

I came here to-day with a purpose. I’m a bit worried. I want to talk to you seriously.

EDWARD

What about?

EVELYN

Lots of things.

EDWARD

All right. Go on.

EVELYN

I don’t know how to start, quite; it’s difficult.

EDWARD

Why difficult?

EVELYN

Well, you’re a bit touchy at times, aren’t you?

EDWARD

What’s the matter, Evie?

EVELYN

Nothing actually yet—at least, I hope not.

EDWARD

I know what you’re driving at.

EVELYN

Do you?

EDWARD

Yes.

EVELYN

Are you sure you do?

EDWARD

People have been talking about Carol, I suppose.

EVELYN

Exactly.

EDWARD

Well, you needn’t worry.

EVELYN

I shouldn’t, ordinarily, but somehow in this case it’s different.

EDWARD

No, it isn’t; it’s exactly the same; it’s a situation that occurs over and over again with everybody. That’s why it’s such a bore.

EVELYN

That’s a silly sort of attitude to take up.

EDWARD

No sillier than any other.

EVELYN

Aren’t you going to do anything?

EDWARD

O God!

[_He turns away._]

EVELYN

Well, you’ll have to sooner or later.

EDWARD

What is there to do?

EVELYN

Read the riot act.

EDWARD

Do you seriously imagine that that’s in any way a final solution?

EVELYN

It ought to bring her to her senses a bit, if you did it with conviction.

EDWARD

That’s the trouble. I haven’t got a conviction.

EVELYN

Hang it all man, she is your wife!

EDWARD

I’m not a man of property.

EVELYN

How do you mean?

EDWARD

I mean I can’t look on Carol as a sort of American trunk.

EVELYN

[_Exasperated_]

What _are_ you talking about?

EDWARD

She’s a human being, not an inanimate object over which I can assert legal rights.

EVELYN

If all husbands adopted that tone, England would be in a nice state.

EDWARD

It _is_ in a nice state.

EVELYN

You make me tired sometimes, Edward.

EDWARD

I expect I do, but it can’t be helped.

EVELYN

Yes, it can.

EDWARD

How?

EVELYN

Pull yourself together; show a little spirit.

EDWARD

I suppose you think that if I grabbed Carol by the hair of the head and banged her about and hurled abuse at her, she’d fall at my feet in ecstasies of adoration?

EVELYN

I shouldn’t be surprised. Anyhow, it probably would do her good.

EDWARD

For an upstanding British soldier you have an astounding sense of the theater.

EVELYN

Oh, you can think me a red-blooded savage if you like, but I’m damned if I’d sit down quietly and let my wife make a fool of me.

EDWARD

[_Gently_]

You haven’t got a wife, Evie. If you had you’d probably be utterly vanquished quicker than anyone.

EVELYN

Not me. I know the game too well.

EDWARD

Only from looking on, though. That makes an enormous difference.

EVELYN

Look here, Edward. Why not be sensible about all this?

EDWARD

I am, really.

EVELYN

Nonsense!

EDWARD

It’s no use, Evie. Things will have to take their course.

EVELYN

[_Contemptuously_]

Line of least resistance, eh?

EDWARD

Yes.

EVELYN

To hell with the line of least resistance.

EDWARD

She can’t help herself; she’s made like that.

EVELYN

Rubbish!

EDWARD

It isn’t rubbish. She’s the sort of woman who must attract people all the time. One conquest isn’t enough; she must go on and on.

EVELYN

You talk as though she were only just flirting about for the fun of the thing.

EDWARD

Perhaps she is.

EVELYN

What’s the use of blinding yourself?

EDWARD

Oh, shut up, Evie!

EVELYN

This is more serious than you think.

EDWARD

No, it isn’t.

EVELYN

What do you feel—honestly?

EDWARD

I’ve told you—bored.

EVELYN

That’s not true.

EDWARD

All right.

EVELYN

I know it isn’t. We haven’t been pals all these years for nothing. You can’t deceive me as easily as that.

EDWARD

What do you want me to feel, exactly?

EVELYN

You’ve got to _do_ something.

EDWARD

What?

EVELYN

If you don’t, I shall.

EDWARD

Evie, if you mention one word of all this to Carol or anyone in the world, I’ll never forgive you.

EVELYN

You needn’t worry. I’ve got a better plan than talking.

EDWARD

What is it?

EVELYN

Leave it to me.

EDWARD

Evie—

EVELYN

She ought to be taught a lesson.

EDWARD

What sort of lesson?

EVELYN

She wants some of the self-assurance knocked out of her.

EDWARD

[_Smiling_]

Really, Evie!

EVELYN

She needs humiliating.

EDWARD

You’re positively vindictive.

EVELYN

Perhaps I am, but it’s for your sake.

EDWARD

I’d no idea you disliked Carol so heartily.

EVELYN

It isn’t that at all. I don’t like or dislike her. She never pays attention to me, anyhow.

EDWARD

To think that there’s even a streak of feminine in you!

EVELYN

What do you mean?

EDWARD

Never mind.

EVELYN

I won’t stand by and see you let down all along the line.

EDWARD

It’s awfully sweet of you, Evie, to be so cross, but you really mustn’t be. I’m the one to get cross if necessary.

EVELYN

It is necessary.

EDWARD

You must allow me to be the best judge of that.

EVELYN

Now look here, Edward—

EDWARD

Remember what I said—you’re not to interfere. It’s my affair, and mine alone.

EVELYN

I know a good deal more about women than you.

EDWARD

Do you, Evie?

EVELYN

I’ve handled too many of them not to.

EDWARD

How mechanical that sounds.

[_He laughs._]

EVELYN

Oh, you’re hopeless.

[_The door opens and CAROL comes in. She is, as usual, looking
delightful._]

CAROL

Hallo, Evie! [_She shakes hands with him._] Are there any telephone messages for me, Edward?

EDWARD

No.

CAROL

[_Taking off her gloves_]

I’m quite exhausted.

EDWARD

Where have you been?

CAROL

Playing mah-jong with Fanny, I won a good deal.

EVELYN

Splendid.

CAROL

How’s Margot’s picture going?

EDWARD

It’s nearly finished.

CAROL

Give me a cigarette, Evie.

EVELYN

[_Handing her a cigarette_]

You look remarkably fit, Carol.

CAROL

[_Smiling_]

I am fit, but I’m a tiny bit worried over Edward.

EVELYN

Why, he looks all right to me.

CAROL

You don’t know him like I do. I can always tell when he’s tired and overworked, can’t I, darling?

EDWARD

Yes, I’m sure you can.

CAROL

It’s all these people buzzing round him all day. Let’s go away, Edward, and have a real holiday—somewhere quiet.

EVELYN

That’s a damned good idea.

EDWARD

[_Smiling_]

I can’t—for the next six weeks, anyhow.

CAROL

[_With a slight shrug_]

There you see? It’s quite impossible to do anything with him.

EVELYN

Why don’t you chuck everything, and just go?

EDWARD

Funnily enough, Zoe suggested that this afternoon.

CAROL

Zoe? I didn’t know she was back.

EDWARD

She arrived yesterday.

CAROL

Why didn’t you tell me?

EDWARD

I didn’t know until this morning. She rang me up.

CAROL

Well, she didn’t lose much time anyhow.

EDWARD

I don’t see why she should.

CAROL

I suppose she talked and talked and talked as usual.

EDWARD

Yes, we both talked a good bit.

CAROL

What about?

EDWARD

Everything.

CAROL

No wonder you look tired.

EVELYN

She looked awfully well.

CAROL

She always does. She’s wonderfully healthy.

EDWARD

[_With faint malice_]

She sent you her love.

CAROL

[_Bored_]

Oh—give her mine when she rings up again.

EDWARD

You’ll see her to-night at the Harringtons’.

CAROL

No, I shan’t. I’m not going. They’re going to have that awful string quartette again. I suffered so acutely last time.

EDWARD

I shall go by myself, then.

CAROL

Never mind. You’ll be able to talk to Zoe.

EDWARD

Where are you dining?

CAROL

With the Challoners at the Embassy; then we’re going on somewhere.

EDWARD

Do you want the car?

CAROL

No. They’re picking me up.

EDWARD

Right. I’ll go and dress. Don’t go, Evie. We might have a slight aperitif at one of your disreputable clubs before dinner.

CAROL

Are you dining together?

EDWARD

No. I’m going to the Russian Ballet with Richard and Sheila. They’ve got a box or something.

[_EDWARD goes off into his bedroom._]

EVELYN

You’re looking charming, Carol.

CAROL

[_Raising her eyebrows_]

Thank you.

EVELYN

That’s a splendid hat. Is it new?

CAROL

No—incredibly old.

EVELYN

Well, it doesn’t look it.

CAROL

I’m glad.

[_She goes toward the door._]

EVELYN

Carol—

CAROL

[_Turning_]

Yes?

EVELYN

Nothing.

CAROL

[_Surprised_]

Is there anything the matter?

EVELYN

No—honestly it’s nothing.

CAROL

Oh well, I must go and dress, too. See you later on.

EVELYN

I shall be gone when you come down.

CAROL

Really, Evie, you’re behaving very strangely.

EVELYN

Why?

CAROL

I don’t know. You seem different, somehow.

EVELYN

Won’t you stay and talk for a moment. I haven’t seen you to speak to for ages.

CAROL

That’s your fault.

EVELYN

You’re always so engaged.

CAROL

I never seem to have a minute for anything. I _do_ wish life wasn’t so hectic.

EVELYN

Why do you let it be?

CAROL

I don’t. It just happens like that.

EVELYN

I’d resent it a good deal if you were my wife.

CAROL

[_Smiling_]

Aren’t you glad I’m not, Evie?

EVELYN

I don’t know.

CAROL

[_Surprised_]

Well, now! I thought you disliked me thoroughly!

EVELYN

Disliked you?

CAROL

Yes. You always have such a polite preoccupied air with me. It makes me feel terribly frivolous and shallow.

EVELYN

How can you, Carol?

CAROL

[_Gayly_]

It’s true. You’re the kind of man who despises women dreadfully—I know you are.

EVELYN

You’re quite wrong. I adore them.

CAROL

Well, that’s a lovely surprise, isn’t it?

EVELYN

I can’t get over you imagining that I disliked you.

CAROL

I expect it’s because you’re so tremendously fond of Edward. One always feels that with one’s husband’s friends.

EVELYN

I don’t see any reason, just because I like Edward, that——

CAROL

Don’t you, Evie?

EVELYN

Of course not.

CAROL

Well, I’m very, very glad.

EVELYN

That’s settled, then, isn’t it?

CAROL

Quite. I shan’t be frightened of you any more.

EVELYN

Frightened of me! How ridiculous!

CAROL

It isn’t ridiculous; it’s quite natural.

EVELYN

I don’t see why. I’m perfectly harmless.

CAROL

Are you?

EVELYN

Mild as a kitten.

CAROL

I wonder.

EVELYN

To think you’ve been building up the most frightful image of me in your mind all this time and I never knew.

CAROL

You can’t blame me, really.

EVELYN

Yes, I can. It’s awfully suspicious and distrustful of you.

CAROL

It’s your own fault, for holding so aloof.

EVELYN

I don’t hold aloof a bit.

CAROL

You’ve never talked anything but commonplaces to me ever since I’ve known you.

EVELYN

You never gave me the chance.

CAROL

What did you expect me to do?

EVELYN

I don’t know. Just be nice.

CAROL

Haven’t I been nice? I’m so sorry.

EVELYN

Yes, I suppose you have, really, but I’ve always felt you thought me rather dull.

CAROL

You have been—up to now.

EVELYN

[_Despondently_]

There you are, then!

CAROL

[_Quietly_]

I said “up to now.”

EVELYN

Men of my sort are all wrong in society. We don’t seem to fit in, somehow.

CAROL

Are you glad or sorry?

EVELYN

Well, to be frank, I’m glad, until moments like this crop up.

CAROL

You’re awfully funny, you know.

EVELYN

Funny?

CAROL

Yes. You do despise women, after all.

EVELYN

How do you mean?

CAROL

You think we only like men who play up and talk well and dance well.

EVELYN

It’s only natural that you should.

CAROL

Oh no, it isn’t.

EVELYN

You think there’s some hope for me, after all, then?

CAROL

Now you’re fishing.

EVELYN

It’s cruel of you to snap me up like that.

CAROL

I’m sorry, Evie.

EVELYN

You’d find me a fearful bore after a bit, you know.

CAROL

Why should I?

EVELYN

I take things so damned seriously.

CAROL

That’s refreshing! Most of the men I know don’t take things seriously enough.

EVELYN

What an extraordinary woman you are!

CAROL

Why extraordinary?

EVELYN

Making me talk like this. I never have before.

CAROL

I shall take that as a compliment, whether you like it or not.

EVELYN

I mean it.

CAROL

Yes, I know you do.

EVELYN

I see now why your life’s so hectic and why everyone runs after you so much.

CAROL

[_Smiling_]

Why?

EVELYN

You’ve got the most amazing knack of drawing people out.

CAROL

Not always. Only people I like.

EVELYN

You’ve made me feel lonely for the first time in my life.

CAROL

How hateful of me!

EVELYN

It’s not your fault; it’s mine.

CAROL

In what way?

EVELYN

I ought to make more efforts and not be so boorish.

CAROL

You’re not in the least boorish.

EVELYN

Yes, I am—utterly wrapped up in my own affairs, then suddenly some one like you comes along and makes me realize all in a minute what a lot I’m missing.

CAROL

You’re not missing much, really. It’s much better to remain yourself than try to be something you’re not.

EVELYN

It’s awfully sweet of you to say that.

CAROL

I mean it honestly. You never can guess how tired I get by having the same sort of things said to me always.

EVELYN

Do you really?

CAROL

Of course.

EVELYN

I wish you weren’t dining out to-night.

CAROL

Why?

EVELYN

I’d like better than anything in the world for you to come and dine with me quietly.

CAROL

I’d adore to, Evie, but, you see—

EVELYN

Oh, I know you can’t possibly; but it seems hard that the moment I begin to get to know you properly you’re whisked out of sight again.

CAROL

[_Gently_]

There are lots of other nights.

EVELYN

Yes, I suppose there are.

CAROL

I’m certainly not frightened of you any more now—you’re an absolute baby.

EVELYN

Crying for the moon?

CAROL

I don’t rate myself quite so high as that.

EVELYN

You’re just as unattainable.

CAROL

Evie!

EVELYN

I’m sorry. I oughtn’t to have said that.

CAROL

[_After a slight pause_]

I don’t mind.

EVELYN

You are a dear.

CAROL

Am I?

EVELYN

May I ring you up to-morrow morning?

CAROL

Of course.

EVELYN

And perhaps—some time soon—?

CAROL

[_With determination_]

I’ll dine with you to-night, Evie.

EVELYN

Carol!

CAROL

Yes. I can put off the Challoners. They bore me stiff, anyway. I’d much rather talk to you.

EVELYN

I say, it’s most terribly sweet of you to take pity on me like this.

CAROL

Don’t be silly. It’ll be a mutual benefit. I’m bored and you’re bored. Where shall we dine?

EVELYN

Anywhere you choose.

CAROL

The awful thing is I simply daren’t go anywhere where I’m likely to be seen.

EVELYN

We could dine at the flat if you like, but it will be fearfully dull.

CAROL

Oh, _let’s_ do that. And we can creep out somewhere afterward if we feel like it.

EVELYN

Are you sure that’s all right?

CAROL

Positive. It will be divine being quiet for once.

EVELYN

Don’t say anything to Edward.

CAROL

[_Quickly_]

Why not?

EVELYN

Well, I got out of dining with him to-night. I wanted to be by myself, you see.

CAROL

Well, you’re not going to be now.

EVELYN

I know. Isn’t it damnable?

CAROL

Beastly. Will you fetch me?

EVELYN

Yes. What time?

CAROL

Latish—about nine.

EVELYN

Splendid—

[_Enter EDWARD in evening dress._]

CAROL

You have been quick.

EDWARD

I’ve hurried. I know how impatient Evie is. Are you quite determined about the Harringtons, Carol?

CAROL

_Quite!_ I simply couldn’t bear it.

EDWARD

Oh, all right, then. I’ll apologize for you.

CAROL

Do, there’s a dear. Good-by, Evie. Come and see me again soon.

EVELYN

Thanks. I will.

EDWARD

Come on. I haven’t got much time. Good-night, Carol.

CAROL

Good-night, darling.

[_EDWARD and EVELYN go off. CAROL lights a cigarette and goes to the
telephone._]

CAROL

[_At telephone_]

Mayfair 7,065 please.... Yes. [_A pause_] Hallo! Is that you, Fay.... Yes. Can I speak to Harry? Oh yes, rather. I’ll hold on.... Harry.... Yes, it’s me. Look here, I can’t dine to-night, because I can’t, I feel too tired. I may not have looked tired this afternoon, but I tell you I am now.... Don’t be so annoying, Harry.... No, it isn’t that at all. I’m going to dine in bed.... No, don’t. I shall probably be asleep.... Well, of course, if you’re going to talk like that.... I’m afraid you’re developing into a bore, Harry. I’m _so_ sorry! [_She bangs down the receiver._] Silly fool!

[_She picks up her bag and gloves and goes off._]

CURTAIN

“THIS WAS A MAN”

Act Two