Chapter IX: Letter to Her Missionary “brothers”

One day my sister Marie, speaking of suffering, said that instead of making me walk by that way, the good God would no doubt carry me always like a little child. These words recurred to me after Holy Communion on the following day, and my heart was fired with an ardent desire of suffering. I felt too an inward assurance, that crosses in great number were in reserve for me. Then my soul was inundated with consolations such as I have never had again in all my life. Suffering became my attraction, in it I found charms that entranced me.

Another great desire that I felt, was to love but God alone and to find no joy save only in Him. Often during my thanksgiving after Holy Communion I used to repeat this passage from the _Imitation:_ “_O Jesus, who art ineffable sweetness, turn for me into bitterness all the consolations of earth._”[89] These words came from my lips without effort; I uttered them like a child who repeats without too well understanding, words prompted by a friend.

HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. IV

Suffering has held out its arms to me from my very entrance into Carmel and lovingly have I embraced it. My intention in coming here, I declared in the solemn examination which preceded my profession: _I am come in order to save souls, and especially to pray for Priests_. When we want to attain an end we must employ the means, and Jesus having made me understand that He would give me souls by means of the cross, the more crosses I met with the more my attraction to suffering increased. During five years this way was mine; but I alone knew it. Here was just the hidden flower that I wanted to offer to Jesus, this flower which exhaled its fragrance for Heaven alone.

HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. VII

For one pain endured with joy, we shall love the good God more for ever.

I LETTER TO MÈRE AGNÈS DE JÉSUS

In my soul’s intercourse with Jesus--nothing ... dryness! sleep! Since my Beloved wills to sleep I shall not hinder Him; I am too happy in seeing that He does not treat me like a stranger, that He is not constrained with me. He pierces His little ball through and through with pin-pricks sore indeed.... When it is this tender Friend who Himself pierces His ball, the pain is naught but sweetness--so gentle is His Hand. How different when creatures pierce it!

Yet I am happy, yes, truly happy to suffer. If Jesus does not Himself directly pierce His little ball, it is certainly He who guides the hand that wounds!

II LETTER TO MÈRE AGNÈS DE JÉSUS

Yes, I desire them, those heart-thrusts, those pin-pricks that give so much pain.... Sacrifice I prefer to all ecstacies: therein lies happiness for me, I find it nowhere else. _The little reed_ has no fear of breaking, for it is planted on the shore of the waters of Love; and so, when it bends, that beneficent wave invigorates it, and makes it long for another storm to come and bow down its head anew. My weakness it is, that makes my whole strength. Whatever happens I cannot get broken; I see only the gentle hand of Jesus.

To win the palm no suffering is too great.

III LETTER TO MÈRE AGNÈS DE JÉSUS

The drop of gall must be mingled in every cup, but I find that trials greatly help to detach us from earth; they make us look higher than this world. Nothing here below can satisfy us; we can enjoy a little repose only by being ready to do God’s Will.

I LETTER TO MÈRE AGNÈS DE JÉSUS

My soul has known many kinds of trials, greatly have I suffered here on earth. In my childhood I suffered with sadness; now, it is with peace and joy that I taste of all the bitter fruits.

HIST. D’UNE AME, CH. IX

Suffering united to love is the only thing that appears to me desirable in this vale of tears.