Chapter XLII: Epilogue

Do I feel any remorse, now that all is over, because I struggled on to the end? Is there any feeling of regret in me, when I look back, that I persisted even when I sometimes thought that there was no hope--when, as at Nauwpoort in the dark last days of July 1900, and several times after, I thought that all was lost? No, nothing troubles me. On the contrary, whilst I am writing this I am experiencing an indescribable feeling of satisfaction--something that tells me, You have--very inefficiently, it is true--but yet you have endeavoured to do your duty.

I constantly felt that as long as my Government stood it was not for me to ask _why_ or _wherefore_--

"Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to do and die."

Moreover, I deemed it a sacred privilege to be, in my capacity as a minister of God's word, with my people in the time of their greatest trouble; to bind up the broken-hearted, to encourage the despondent, to comfort the suffering--especially the much-suffering women, our heroines--to bring the word of God to them who would otherwise have been deprived of it, and to point the dying to the Cross. I heard from time to time that my work had not been without blessing, and it was always a source of joy and gratitude to me to know that there were other brothers in Christ who were also in the field; while it pained me to know that others had been prevented by unavoidable circumstances from labouring with the small band in the field.

Once more, there is no sense of regret in my mind. I thank God that He enabled me to remain on commando until the end; and with regard to the charge flung at the heads of the leaders, that instead of leading they had misled the people, I can say this, that never, not even in the darkest hours, could I know what might happen, nor what God had destined for our people--and this, too, was always clear to me, that if every cause had been abandoned when it was apparently hopeless, then some of the most glorious victories that the world has seen would never have been won.

With the deepest gratitude to God for His protection in the many dangers of the war, I now lay down my pen.

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